Last Week Tonight With John Oliver (2014) s13e15 Episode Script
UK & Makerfield Election
Welcome to "Last Week Tonight"!
I'm John Oliver, thank you so much
for joining us. It has been a busy week.
Elon Musk became
the world's first trillionaire,
Trump turned 80 and celebrated
by watching men fight on his lawn
and the Texas Republican Party
held their convention,
and brought a live elephant along,
only for this to happen.
Good elephant! Well done.
Set aside that's basically
just a real-life editorial cartoon,
that is so much more piss than
I thought an elephant could produce.
And I want to thank
this magnificent creature
with a bladder the size of a Subaru
for proving me wrong
at the best possible time.
Meanwhile, the Iran war may have
potentially entered its end stages,
with Trump claiming all week
that a peace deal was imminent,
something only slightly undercut
by the fact
that he'd previously said that
"at least 38 times".
Also, there are real questions about
what the deal might contain,
or how long it might hold,
especially given just how chaotic
the week was leading up to it.
Over the past 24 hours,
President Trump has gone
from threatening strikes
to calling off strikes
to once again claiming
a peace deal is within reach.
I don't know if you heard, but
we ended the war with Iran today.
The president says as part
of the agreement,
the Strait of Hormuz would reopen.
But the future
of Iran's nuclear program,
one of his biggest reasons for
starting the war in the first place,
would be discussed
in the weeks to follow.
Is this just essentially setting the
stage for deeper talks on nuclear?
It's a very strong memorandum
of understanding
that is a little conceptual.
What the fuck
are you talking about?
"It's a very strong
memorandum of understanding
that's a little conceptual"?
It is not ideal to be talking
about something as important as this
while sounding
like an art history major
describing a Rothko
while having a stroke.
And look, we're taping this
on Saturday,
so who knows what will have happened
by the time that you see this?
An outlet associated
with Iran's military force
"denied that Iran would sign an
agreement with the US" on Sunday
and suggested that Trump
was only pushing it so hard
because he wanted a deal
"to coincide with his birthday".
Which, I will say,
would not be the first time
he exploited Iran
for personal reasons,
given that he'd previously suggested
that ongoing negotiations
were the reason that he couldn't
attend Don Jr.'s wedding, saying,
"It's not good timing for me,
I have a thing called Iran."
Which is just incredible.
"President dad misses son's wedding
for a peace deal he didn't get"
isn't breaking Hemingway records
for shortest sad story,
but it might be the dumbest.
And on top of all of this,
the World Cup began this week,
with spectacular opening ceremonies
in the three host countries.
Mexico went
with Shakira and Salma Hayek,
Canada had Michael Buble
and Alanis Morissette,
while America for some reason
opted for Katy Perry
dressed like a lampshade.
Now, with the U.S.
as one of the year's hosts,
visitors from around the world
have been marveling at what
this country has to offer,
and it has been fun to see
America through their eyes.
A Swedish visitor posted,
"Why did no one tell me
ranch sauce is like crack?"
a German named Freddy went
viral with posts like this one,
from outside a Buc-ee's,
"Dude LMAO this is a gas station",
and in Boston, a bunch of Scottish fans
found the infamous cop slide
and sent a bagpiper down it.
But unfortunately,
not everyone's been able
to enjoy the wonders of America.
"Fans from more than a quarter
of the countries taking part in the WC
face travel bans, tighter restrictions
or high visa rejection rates."
And when Trump was asked about
that, his answer was pretty telling.
Some people are afraid
that it's going to be harder
to get visas to come from outside.
Can you reassure them?
We're working on it
very closely
to make sure that the right people
come into our country.
Oh, "the right people."
I'll be honest, I'm not sure
I trust Trump's judgment on who
the right people are
any more than I trust his ability
to look at a Civil War reenactment
and point at the good guys.
And it's not just fans.
Iraq's star player was held
for almost seven hours and
had his phone inspected
before being allowed entry.
Iran's national team had
to relocate their training camp
from the U.S. to Mexico, in order
to "resolve potential visa issues",
and a referee from Somalia was denied
entry at Miami Airport
and forced to fly back home.
One reporter actually caught up
with the head of the White House
task force on the World Cup,
Andrew Giuliani, yes, relation,
and pointed out
the obvious pattern here.
Given the people having trouble
accessing this tournament
How so?
Is this shaping up
as a racist World Cup?
First off, explain your question,
because I think the premise is false.
Swiss striker Breel Embolo,
Cameroon-born,
he had trouble
getting into the country.
Iraqi striker Aymen Hussein
- Are in the country?
- They're in the country!
- Exactly.
- They were detained.
Don't you think the most important
thing about a tournament
is making sure that those fans
that come to the United States,
all those Americans that
are gonna enjoy this tournament,
that they actually
are safe and secure?
That's what I ultimately
think is important.
We're going to continue
Was a Somalian referee not allowed
into the country
because Donald Trump
has a problem with Somalia?
That is pretty damning,
although I do kind of love
the immediate whiplash of,
"Explain your question,
your premise is false,"
to, "I understand the question
now, excuse me, I have to leave."
But I guess you would expect
nothing less from Andrew Giuliani,
not just Rudy's son, but a guy
with truly abysmal vibes.
He looks
like Ron Howard drowned.
He looks like he got kicked off
Duke's golf team
for being too much of a dick,
but that's only because he did!
That is a real thing
that happened!
That man is exactly
who you think he is.
Meanwhile, Gianni Infantino,
the head of FIFA,
and not, as you might've guessed
by his name and face,
Italy's version of the Boss Baby,
has claimed that "the world
is welcome in America",
very much a "citation needed"
sort of a statement.
And when a reporter
pressed Infantino this week
on the problems
people were encountering,
his response was maddening.
Chill, relax. We work on everything,
we try to solve everything.
You say people should chill and
relax about these situations.
But you've got one of the world's
top referees
told he can't enter the United States,
sent back home,
accused of having links with
suspected terror organizations.
Are you embarrassed therefore by
what actually has come to pass?
And do you have to accept
that you've lost some control
of your own tournament here?
When I say to chill, I don't mean
to chill and do nothing.
I mean to trust us.
Look, there are times when
"no worries" is a good attitude.
Like when you're meditating,
or when your father's been
murdered by your uncle,
you fled your home,
and now you're moving in
with your friendly gay neighbors.
But when Trump
is using the World Cup
as an excuse to punish
specific groups of people,
telling everyone to chill
won't cut it.
And as for "trust FIFA",
no fucking way!
We have done multiple stories
on how terrible they are.
I can barely think
of a less ethical organization
and I'm very much including companies
like "Let's Kill Some Wildlife",
"Give Us Your Blood,
It's Fine, We Swear",
"Boomer Brainrot
Featuring Myanmar Genocide"
and "Oops, We Didn't
Put the Wings on Right."
And it's especially hard to trust FIFA
to stand up to Trump,
given Infantino's sucked up
to him in so many ways,
he's actually made more public
appearances in the Oval Office
during Trump's second term
than any world political leader.
And he "opened an office
in Trump Tower in Manhattan,
meaning FIFA are paying rent
to the Trump family business."
Also, FIFA not only moved
the World Cup draw
away from Las Vegas
to the Kennedy Center,
remember, they had the gall
to present Trump
with the inaugural
FIFA Peace Prize during it.
Mr. President, this is your prize,
this is your peace prize.
There is also a beautiful medal
for you
that you can wear
everywhere you want to go.
That is so much weirdness
in one 12-second clip.
First, Infantino saying,
"It's a beautiful medal you can
wear everywhere you want to go"
sounds like he's trying to sell it
on the Home Shopping Network.
Then there's Trump's
excited reaction there.
He saw that medal, went, "Oooh",
like a monkey spotting a banana,
then yoinked it out of the box
like the Hamburglar.
He looks like a cartoon cat pulling
a fishbone out of a garbage can.
That would be gross enough, but
Infantino still wasn't done pandering,
because he also, and this is true,
hired the Village People
to play "YMCA" for him at that event,
so that he could dance
to his favorite song.
Which is really a match made
in heaven when you think about it,
since the Village People and Trump
both elicit the emotion,
"Oh! They're still alive," just with
slightly different general tones.
And in hindsight,
that might actually turn out to be
the high point of Trump's
second term.
Because since then, his approval
ratings have hit new lows,
he's started a stupid war that
he doesn't seem to know how to end,
and the very building
where that event took place
removed his name from
the front of it this weekend.
At this point, surely even
Trump's most ardent supporters
must see that letting him back
into the White House again
was very much like bringing
an elephant to a convention center:
it was a terrible idea from the start
and you don't get to be surprised
that it has caused such a gigantic
fucking mess. And now, this.
And Now: Did You Know About
the Broken Urinal at WNEP Scranton?
- Mindy doesn't know this.
- No.
Our urinal, one of them,
closest to the studio,
has been busted now
for two weeks.
There it is, right through five,
six o'clock, just total sunshine.
Our urinal is broke here at WNEP.
Jon, I just checked.
- It's still broken?
- Yeah. I mean, enough is enough.
We're told, I don't know
if this is just a rumor,
but someone flushed Dude Wipes
down the toilet here.
This is now placed on the urinal.
I just got it.
What is that?
I saw that sitting there.
- It's a urinal re-builder kit.
- Are you serious?
Now, is this a hint that,
like, we should do this?
- I saw this box sitting there.
- It's a urinal rebuilder kit.
Jon, did you see the good news
in the lavatory yet?
- It was exciting. Yeah.
- I heard about it.
The urinal's back. I saw them
working on it. I told them, "Thanks."
I don't know if you noticed, folks.
I lost about five pounds
walking to the other side of
the building urinal over the last week.
Check it out, the one close
to the weather office, Jon,
finally,
I think it's been fixed, right?
- We're back in business, big guy.
- It is open once again.
- Yeah, no distance walking.
- Okay.
Well,
topping our news this morning,
a man is dead after a house fire
in Wayne County.
Moving on. Before we get
to our main story tonight,
I want to talk to you about an area
in the U.K. called Makerfield.
It's between Manchester
and Liverpool and it contains,
among other things, parts of Wigan,
the town where, charmingly,
Wallace and Gromit live, and which
was-slightly less charmingly,
once portrayed by George Orwell
as "a sinkhole of misery".
Two fun facts that I frankly can't
believe Aardman Animators
haven't already combined
into a single movie.
To be fair, George Orwell's not the
only one with a low opinion of Wigan.
Watch as this guy pays the town a visit
and interviews some local kids.
- What's the best thing about Wigan?
- It's shit.
Only good thing
is Galloway's pies.
But why does everyone say
Galloway's pies?
'Cause it's better.
- Bolton or Wigan?
- Bolton.
- Really?
- Yeah, I'd choose Bolton over Wigan.
It's just a shithole, but they're both
shitholes at the end of the day.
Fantastic. I think
my favorite part of that is,
"Why does everyone say
Galloway's pies?"
being answered with,
"Because it's better."
Better than what, exactly?
Although, to be fair,
based on those kids' attitude,
I'm guessing the answer was,
"Better than any other parts of my
day in this godforsaken shithole town."
And look, as nice
as Galloway's pies sounds,
I should tell you: one
of Wigan's prized local dishes
is actually something called
a babby's yed,
a suet pudding that
can be served "flottin"
or floating in gravy, or pey wet,
served with, and I quote,
the "sort of discharge that
comes off of mushy peas."
Which sounds less like a recipe
and more like an episode of "Chopped"
where the only ingredients
were items found in the dumpster.
Just listen to this man
explain the dish even further.
When you tip it out, it's supposed
to look like a baby's head.
The hat is obviously this.
So, when they ask for
babby's yed with t'at on,
or "baby's head with the hat on",
it's to keep it warm.
I don't like all the gravy and
the peas and everything up
and curry or whatever
mushed in.
I like the chips to be dry,
and I'll squash it down like that,
and I'll mix it in with the chips.
Okay, just for the record,
I also find that disgusting.
In fact, I genuinely might prefer
watching that man
eat an actual baby's head.
Now, the reason I'm talking about
this small area in Northern England
is, for complicated reasons,
next week,
it may end up deciding the
next prime minister of the U.K.
and changing the course
of British history.
And if you're thinking,
"Wait, hold on,
didn't Britain just elect a new
prime minister?" Yeah, it did!
Just two years ago,
Keir Starmer and the Labour Party
swept into power,
breaking the Conservative Party's
stronghold on government
that had lasted for 14 years.
And Starmer's slogan back then
really was "Change".
Which does make sense,
as he looks like a man
who saw Obama's
"Hope and Change" campaign and said,
"Hope? Yeah, c'mon,
let's not go crazy.
Let's just go with 'Change' and put it
in the smallest font imaginable."
Back then, Starmer was riding
high, but things have not gone well.
He's been in office
less than two years
but failed to kickstart
Britain's sluggish economy.
He also made the disastrous decision
to appoint Peter Mandelson
as the U.K.'s ambassador
to Washington.
Mandelson was known to be
a longtime friend of Jeffrey Epstein.
The scandal has badly
weakened Starmer,
who's faced ridicule
from President Trump.
This is not Winston Churchill
that we're dealing with.
Yeah,
"he's not Winston Churchill."
That is a pretty savage burn
coming from a man
who himself is very much
"not FDR",
apart from, of course, his penchant
for hiding his medical conditions.
The point is, voters in Britain
have turned on Starmer hard,
which came to a head last month,
during local elections
around the country,
when Labour got absolutely clobbered,
losing more than 1,400 representatives
from English councils.
And it's not just that people feel
Starmer hasn't delivered change,
they seem
to personally loathe him.
What are your thoughts
on Keir Starmer?
Can I swear?
- You can be as honest as you like.
- He's a prick.
I mean, that is perfect. The only way
that could've been better
is if she'd then said, "Actually, can I
take a minute to think of a meaner one?
I want to really hurt his feelings.
Hold on, can I say 'cunt' on the news?
Pretty sure I can, right?"
But incredibly,
Starmer has been digging in.
In fact,
just listen to him last month,
right after his party
got shellacked in those elections.
Did you contemplate this morning
that the responsibility
is that it's time for you to go
and to resign?
Let me be clear:
these are really tough results.
I'm not gonna sugar-coat it.
Did you contemplate
that the problem might be you,
that you might need to go to help
Labour win these seats back?
Did you even contemplate it?
Did you acknowledge it
as a conversation, even?
I think it's absolutely clear
that the electorate
are fed up with the fact that their
lives aren't changing quickly enough.
It is brutal how that reporter just
kept rephrasing that same question.
Did you contemplate it was your fault?
Did you even acknowledge it?
Did you write a list of possible
problems on a whiteboard
and include
as one of them "yourself'"?
Have you ever looked into
the mirror and questioned
whether you, Keir Starmer,
are the root cause
of all the problems in the country
right now? And if not, why not?
Suffice to say, Starmer and
the Labour Party are in big trouble.
But they still have a chance
to change course here.
Because remember: the U.K.'s system
is different from the U.S.'s.
Over there, the ruling party can
actually swap out its leader
without having to call
a general election.
That is why,
while Americans are typically stuck
with our choice for four years,
barring a truly hilarious
manhole accident,
in the U.K., prime ministers
have a more transient quality.
It's one of the reasons why there's been
four of them in the past four years,
including one who famously
didn't even outlast a head of lettuce.
And many in Labour think
their best option
is to replace Starmer
with this man, Andy Burnham,
the popular mayor
of Greater Manchester.
The thing is, to be prime minister,
you have to be a sitting
member of parliament.
But Burnham isn't. All of which
brings us back to Makerfield.
Because to make a path for Burnham,
the Labour MP for Makerfield
recently resigned,
specifically to allow Burnham
to run in a by-election there,
the British equivalent of a special
election, this coming Thursday.
And if Burnham wins, he's already
confirmed he'll challenge Starmer
to become prime minister.
But if he loses, the Labour Party
is pretty much fucked,
and as you're about to see,
some of the parties waiting to
take over are just incredibly grim.
The point here is, roughly
76,000 registered voters in Makerfield,
that is less than the capacity
of Giants Stadium,
and about one-sixth of 1% of Britain's
voting population,
currently hold the future
of the country in their hands.
Given all of that, tonight, let's talk
about the Makerfield by-election:
how Labour got to this point, which
parties are nipping at their heels
and who some
of the candidates in it are,
because the whole thing
is just fucking bonkers.
And let's start with how Starmer's
support collapsed so quickly.
And to be fair, some of that
was outside his control.
The U.K.'s economy has been
struggling for the past two decades,
for all sorts of reasons,
from Brexit, to the pandemic,
to Russia's invasion of Ukraine.
People are really struggling there,
with one poll showing
almost six in 10 Britons
saying they felt the cost-of-living
crisis would never end.
That would be a huge challenge
for even a savvy politician,
which Starmer very much is not.
His solutions, like cutting
fuel payments for the elderly,
have caused huge blowback,
and for minimal gain,
to the point where this is how
one group of analysts describe him.
I remember, I was looking back
at what he said at the time.
His plan was to make good decisions.
That's not a plan.
Particularly if you're not
good at decision-making,
which turns out
he also wasn't very good at.
Talk about his judgement of people.
Is he good with people?
No.
Does he work well
with cabinet ministers?
They regard him
with near open contempt.
Holy shit, that is so brutally cold
I almost wish they kept going there.
What about animals,
how is he with animals?
Birds frequently try
to fly into his face,
and dogs show him
even less respect.
And what of children?
He held a baby at a speech once and
the baby called him a rizzless wanker.
Anything else you'd like
to add at this point?
Sure. Automatic doors
refuse to open for him
and plants exposed to his picture
are 70% less likely to yield flowers.
And amazingly, the public is even
less enthusiastic about Starmer,
with recent focus groups'
descriptions of him
including a "jellyfish"
and a "doormat".
And one big reason for that is,
for a man who was already
pretty much a centrist,
he has relentlessly
pandered to the right,
on everything from trans rights,
to immigration,
to the pro-Palestine movement.
On that last front,
his government's now classified a civil
disobedience group, Palestine Action,
as a terrorist organization, banning it,
which has made belonging to it,
or inviting support for it,
"a serious crime punishable
by up to 14 years in prison."
In the wake of that decision,
priests, teachers and pensioners
are among hundreds of people
who've been arrested
merely for holding up signs
in support of the organization,
resulting in these crazy images
of elderly protestors
getting carried away by police.
Those are some bad visuals
for any leader,
let alone one who literally used
to be a human rights lawyer.
It is frankly no wonder many
progressive Labour supporters
have since been drawn
to the U.K.'s Green Party,
including this one.
Looking at the parties, who do you
like the look of at the moment?
I think definitely Greens these days,
or Independent, probably, yeah.
- You say "these days."
- Yeah.
A couple of years ago, would that
have been the case?
- No, I was a big fan of Labour.
- What's changed in the last few years?
There's been a lot of things that have
been sliding to the right
and betraying a lot of, like,
working-class voters
and people of color, also
refugees and basically minorities,
even like, trans healthcare
and LGBT rights, and all this stuff.
- That's quite a long list.
- Yes. For sure.
Yeah, it is a pretty long list,
isn't it?
It kind of seems like someone
asked Starmer,
"Who do you want to throw under
the bus," and he just said "Yes."
So, Starmer has clearly
disappointed many on the left.
And normally,
the challenge to his right
would've come from Labour's traditional
opposition, the Conservatives.
But they, too, saw major losses
in last month's elections.
And the party that's increasingly
taken their place
is the further-right Reform UK.
It won nearly 1,500 council races,
which is clearly great news
for its leader, Nigel Farage,
biblically accurate frog prince
and professional asshole.
Now, we've talked about Farage
before, he's the provocative bigot
who spearheaded
the campaign for Brexit
and has, on multiple occasions,
had milkshakes thrown at him.
Here he is right after one of those
incidents, looking like
he's modeling a suit from
Joseph A. Bank's bukkake collection.
Farage built the Reform Party around
his usual right-wing talking points,
which are heavy on the xenophobia,
as you can kind of see
through videos like this.
You ask yourself why
public services have diminished,
you ask yourself why rents
have gone through the roof.
The population explosion
has done that.
And many of you look
at parts of London, for example,
where the road names,
the underground signs
aren't just in English, they're in
a foreign language as well.
One million people living in this
country don't speak any English at all.
Okay, first, and I think you
probably already knew this,
that "one million" figure
is just bullshit.
As of the most recent census,
only around 160,000 people
in England and Wales
said that they couldn't speak
any English.
But also,
a British man complaining
"foreigners showed up, and now this
road sign isn't in the language I speak"
is fucking bold, given,
you know, history.
I'm just saying:
the largest lake in Africa wasn't
always called "Lake Victoria".
That only started when some
pasty white dude showed up
and decided to name it
after his national mommy,
and as much as I'm sure everyone liked
imagining her drowning in there,
it is probably time to rename it.
Nonetheless, bigotry and grievance
propelled the Reform Party forward
despite Farage's
own significant baggage,
from his long history
of lies and sexism,
to more recent questions about
how a five-million-pound gift
that he received from
a crypto billionaire,
shortly before announcing that
he'd run in the 2024 general election.
When asked about that,
his response wasn't exactly great.
This was given to me
on an unconditional basis,
completely unconditional basis
but frankly it was given as a reward
for campaigning
for Brexit for 27 years.
And it had no impact on your
decision to come back into public life?
No.
But he who pays the piper
picks the tune.
Hang on a second.
I can't be bought by anybody.
Farage makes
some sharp turns there,
going from
"this was an unconditional gift"
to "I was paid as a reward
for a specific action"
to "I can't be bought by anybody."
Honestly, if you let him
talk for long enough there,
I'm pretty sure
he'd get himself to:
"But you know what? I can be
rented out on an interim basis."
But despite all of that,
Reform's anti-immigrant messaging
has clearly found an audience.
Watch this video of a local Reform
candidate from earlier this year
denying charges of racism,
before then talking to a supporter who
slightly undercuts her argument.
I think the thing I hear more than
anything else is a fascist and Nazi,
which is the furthest
than what we are.
We're just not that at all.
- None of us are racists.
- No. I'm not.
But they tell you that if you
To be honest, I've never been
racist, but I'm getting that way.
"I've never been racist,
but I'm getting that way."
Guess what? If you're considering it,
you're actually already there!
It's not like getting bangs!
You don't have to wait
for the racism to grow in!
You did it!
The journey is the destination!
Reform will claim they've distanced
themselves from rhetoric like that.
Farage has boasted that they've
"professionalized" the party.
But it is worth knowing that
the candidates it ran last month
included Brett Muscroft, who
reportedly posted on Facebook,
"Islam is like cancer. If you don't
remove it on time, it will kill you."
And Andrew Mahon who posted,
"No disrespect but why can
Black people use the N word,
but white people cannot?"
demonstrating the level of delusion
that would make someone
comfortable leaving the house
in this selection of outfits.
And honestly, if his argument
is that he can't see color,
he's making a pretty good case
for it there.
And when one of Reform's leaders
went on the news
right after their
election wins last month,
he got this awkward question about
yet another of their shitty candidates.
One of your
new Sunderland councilors,
so a man who was elected
to represent Reform,
suggested melting Nigerians
to fill potholes.
Is that person who's expressed
those views
somebody you are happy
to see represent Reform?
This weekend, we are celebrating
our incredible successes.
Like any party, you have internal
party processes to look
at where people have said
or done the wrong thing.
But do you condemn
those remarks?
Laura, I condemn anything
that is wrong and inappropriate.
Which that is! Jesus Christ.
I don't know what is worse there:
his failure to directly condemn
someone for suggesting
melting Nigerians to fill potholes,
or that he seems genuinely annoyed
he's being asked about it.
Because
if you cannot denounce that,
you should really expect to be asked
about it for the rest of your life.
In fact, even after your life,
at your funeral,
someone should politely knock
on your coffin to say,
"Sorry you died, but last chance: any
final comment on that pothole racist?"
And it actually gets worse.
Because incredibly,
Reform itself is now being
challenged on its right,
by an even newer party
called Restore Britain.
It enjoys the support of fascists,
neo-Nazis and other extremists,
with Elon Musk even tweeting, "Only
Restore Britain can save Britain."
And the fact that Restore
is gaining support
should be pretty alarming, given just
how poisonous its policies are.
Here is their leader,
Rupert Lowe, giving you just a taste.
We will celebrate
our Christian heritage
and the identity that built
and shaped this country.
Responsibility, restraint,
forgiveness, duty, and fairness.
In short, a high trust society.
That will mean defending our culture.
That will mean resisting
the relentless creep of radical Islam.
That will mean banning the burqa,
outlawing sharia law,
blocking cousin marriages,
and reimposing
our Christian-based rule of law.
A Restore Britain government
would legislate to ensure
that no halal or kosher slaughter
on British soil.
This is Britain
and we will do things our way.
Fucking spare me, Rupert!
And while it is clearly not
the most important thing there,
for the record, the culture,
heritage, and identity
that shaped Britain was literally
built on cousin marriages.
It's been a pretty crucial part
of the whole process.
You might want to brush
up on your history,
given that your general vibe there
is so cartoonishly English,
you look like your first words
as a baby were
"British East India Company."
The point is,
with Reform on the rise
and Restore pulling it
even further to the right,
Britain risks heading
in a very dark direction.
And at least
in the immediate future,
the only party positioned
to stop that slide
is the one currently in power, Labour.
Which brings us back to Andy Burnham.
He's actually been a contender to lead
the Labour Party for years now.
He used to be an MP, and even served
as health secretary for a year.
But after two failed attempts
to become leader,
he became mayor
of Greater Manchester,
where he made national news standing
up to Boris Johnson's government,
over its failure to provide enough
assistance during the Covid lockdowns.
It is wrong to place some
of the poorest parts of England
in a punishing lockdown
without proper support
for the people
and businesses affected.
This is an important moment.
Greater Manchester will stand firm.
We are fighting back for fairness
and for the health of our people,
in the broadest sense.
It's moments like that helped Burnham
become known as "King of the North."
In fact, he's currently ranked
as Britain's most popular politician,
with an average popularity
rating of 35%.
Which I know doesn't sound
like much,
but you do have to remember,
the British mind
can only hold 35% happiness
at a maximum.
Winning the World Cup
can push us up to 40%,
but that has only happened once.
Unless, I guess,
they win it again this summer,
so we'll just have to wait
and see exactly how they don't.
And on its face,
Burnham winning in Makerfield
really shouldn't be difficult,
given it's been a safe Labour
seat for more than 120 years.
But voters there have become
less predictable in recent years.
During Brexit, nearly two-thirds
voted to leave the EU,
and in last month's local elections,
Reform won every ward there.
What is more, Burnham doesn't
technically live in the constituency,
and while some residents may find his
ambitions for higher office appealing,
others are, understandably,
a bit resentful
at having him swan in and use them
as a springboard to get there.
You're going to be voting for someone
who's not going to be here,
who's got bigger issues
than Ashton-in-Makerfield,
really, so it won't be his priority.
We're not here to enable him
to pursue his personal ambitions.
I'm sure Andy Burnham is only using
us as a stepping stone anyway.
He don't care about Makerfield.
He's not local.
And he just wants
to get into Number 10.
My mom is right.
I don't love that she's going around
giving interviews about Andy Burnham
with my dad,
but that's a conversation
that we can have at Christmas.
Now, to counter
that "outsider" narrative,
Burnham's tried to point out
his local bona fides,
like the fact that his children
went to school in the area
and that he has
"loads of connections there."
He even recently claimed that his
favorite wigan delicacy
is, you guessed it,
babby's yed.
But Reform seems to think that
it can exploit the perception
that he's an ambitious outsider.
Because their candidate,
Robert Kenyon, has gone out of his way
to remind people
that he is very much a local.
I was born in Makerfield.
If I was elected,
I'd be the first person born in
the constituency to become the MP.
I don't think any MP
that's ever stood in Makerfield
was actually born in the area.
I'm a plumber, gas engineer.
It gets me a bit emotional sometimes
thinking there's a chance
that I could be representing people
in parliament, it's a massive honor.
And people will be thinking,
"Hang on a minute,
he serviced my boiler last week."
Yeah, it's pretty striking, isn't it?
When your opponent is being accused
of being out of touch
with the community,
it's a pretty good counter
to be able to say,
"I have literally been elbow deep
in this entire community's shit."
The point is, Kenyon is a salt of
the Earth guy. A straight shooter.
A regular Joe.
Not a career politician.
And if you have the pattern
recognition of a pigeon,
you can probably tell
what I'm about to say next,
which is that his online history
is a fucking mess.
A lot of his posts have resurfaced,
including one that says,
"I'm sexist, sorry but I am",
and another saying English women
"just walk around with their fat
bellies and odd shapes
pushing a pram at 16 in their PJ's."
One post actually caused that same
reporter you saw earlier
to physically chase him
down the street to answer for it.
Why should women
in Makerfield vote for you, Rob?
Speak to the press office.
Why should women in Makerfield
vote for you, Rob,
when you said you were a sexist?
Can you not.
No, but why should women
vote for you
when you said that you were a sexist
and that they can't drive?
It's true, Kenyon once said
that women can't drive.
It might be more accurate to say that
people in Makerfield will be thinking,
"Hang on a minute, that guy
did fix my boiler last week,
but he randomly told my wife that
her natural place is in the kitchen."
But amazingly, it gets even worse.
Kenyon also made a controversial post
about a beloved figure in British
broadcasting named Carol Vorderman.
Very basically, for decades,
she was the co-host
of a popular afternoon game show
called "Countdown"
and she became a national treasure.
And knowing that,
you can hopefully now understand
the visual impact
of what I'm about to show you.
So, on Christmas Eve,
you spotted a message
somebody sent to Carol Vorderman
on her birthday,
which said, "Happy birthday, Carol.
My God, I would love to smell
and lick your asshole."
- Now you responded to that.
- I responded to a separate tweet.
You responded to a separate tweet,
so go on: clarify.
So, somebody had written that,
somebody else had commented on that,
and then I responded
to the comment on that.
So, which comment
were you responding to
when you responded
about the arsehole?
If you're even being asked that
question, you are in serious trouble.
And while he is trying
to make it confusing there,
it's actually pretty simple.
Basically, someone on Twitter posted,
on Carol Vorderman's birthday,
"Happy birthday, Carol, my god, I'd
love to smell and lick your asshole."
Someone else replied
criticizing it, saying,
"If you're prepared to post this
on a public forum,
I would suggest your computer drive
probably needs checking",
only for Kenyon to respond,
"He's only saying
what we're all thinking,
cry-laughing emoji,
thumbs-up emoji."
So, Kenyon's defense of that post
was essentially,
"Hey, I'm not the one
who brought it up!"
But that's not remotely
exculpatory, is it?
It's like if someone tweeted,
"Hey, Bronx Zoo, you should let
visitors jerk off the lemurs,"
and I replied with
"Facts! Thumbs-up emoji!"
Sure, I might not have technically
brought it up first,
but I did not cover myself
in glory there.
And to be clear: Kenyon still
hasn't apologized for those comments,
continuing to defend himself,
claiming he's just an ordinary person
who's "rough around the edges".
Now, for the record,
"rough around the edges" means
that you don't know
what a crab fork is,
not that you think it's okay
to participate in internet discourse
about a public woman's
birthday asshole.
The point is, this is the candidate
with vehemently sexist
and rimjob-positive views
who could, theoretically, take down
Labour's best hope of retaining control
of government past the next election.
And it is really hard not to feel for
the voters of Makerfield here,
who've been at the center of an
absolute circus over the last month,
and who have plenty of local
issues that do need addressing,
from affordable housing,
to flooding concerns,
to this massive illegal waste dump
that Makerfield's previous MP,
the very guy, in fact, who stepped
down to let Burnham run,
had actually been working
to finally get cleaned up.
It's a grotesque dump that Sky News
has investigated over the past year.
It was March, almost three months ago,
when it was announced
that the funding was in place
to clear this up,
but it still hasn't happened.
Which of the candidates in this
by-election do you think
would follow through on that
and make sure it is cleaned up?
I would say that the candidates
are just front men, really.
It's not just about us anymore.
It's about, I think, the future
of politics in the country.
It feels a bit more, you know,
a bit overwhelming really
that we could be pivotal in this.
And I just really hope that people
make the right choice.
Yeah, so do I!
And if there are two things
that you don't want someone to be
overwhelmed by at the same time,
it's "responsibility for deciding
England's political future"
and "odors from a massive
illegal waste dump."
So, what happens next here?
Well, someone is clearly gonna win
this Thursday's election,
and while current polls
suggest Labour has a lead,
that may be partly because Restore,
the ultra-far-right party
that, remember, is going to save
Britain from kosher butchery,
is siphoning off votes
from Reform.
And even if Burnham does win,
and is then able to unseat Starmer,
he'll face the same dismal economy
and the same furious voters,
with only three years to figure out
how to deliver the change
that Starmer couldn't
before facing elections in 2029.
But if Burnham loses,
it is gonna be a fucking mess.
I mean a "babby's yed
spread on a pile of chips" mess,
and I don't say that lightly.
A Burnham loss would be a huge
success for Farage's Reform Party
and a humiliation for Labour
so devastating, they may never recover.
And at that point, with Britain's
two long-dominant parties
further crushed, there is a genuine
chance that in a few years
we could see Moneyshot McFlurry
here elected as prime minister.
When we last covered
an election in the U.K.,
we talked about how it could be
"an extinction-level event"
for the Conservative Party,
and it kind of was.
But it is frankly incredible
that just two years later,
Labour has fucked up so badly,
and has thrown its own voters under
the bus so consistently,
they now face the same threat.
Because, and I'm sure this is a lesson
with no applicability to U.S. politics,
you can't promise change,
only to turn around and capitulate
to the right on key principles
that you are supposed to stand for.
Because not only will you
lose people to your left,
the right will just keep moving
the goalposts again and again.
And you'll only have yourself
to blame.
And if Labour loses this by-election,
and what ultimately comes out of it
is Prime Minister Farage,
that is gonna be hard to swallow.
In fact, I'd go so far as to say that
it will be the hardest thing to swallow
to come out of the Makerfield area,
The babby's yed.
We all knew
that it was gonna end like this.
That is our show,
thank you so much for watching.
We'll see you next week, goodnight!
There's no place like home.
Fuck no!
I'm John Oliver, thank you so much
for joining us. It has been a busy week.
Elon Musk became
the world's first trillionaire,
Trump turned 80 and celebrated
by watching men fight on his lawn
and the Texas Republican Party
held their convention,
and brought a live elephant along,
only for this to happen.
Good elephant! Well done.
Set aside that's basically
just a real-life editorial cartoon,
that is so much more piss than
I thought an elephant could produce.
And I want to thank
this magnificent creature
with a bladder the size of a Subaru
for proving me wrong
at the best possible time.
Meanwhile, the Iran war may have
potentially entered its end stages,
with Trump claiming all week
that a peace deal was imminent,
something only slightly undercut
by the fact
that he'd previously said that
"at least 38 times".
Also, there are real questions about
what the deal might contain,
or how long it might hold,
especially given just how chaotic
the week was leading up to it.
Over the past 24 hours,
President Trump has gone
from threatening strikes
to calling off strikes
to once again claiming
a peace deal is within reach.
I don't know if you heard, but
we ended the war with Iran today.
The president says as part
of the agreement,
the Strait of Hormuz would reopen.
But the future
of Iran's nuclear program,
one of his biggest reasons for
starting the war in the first place,
would be discussed
in the weeks to follow.
Is this just essentially setting the
stage for deeper talks on nuclear?
It's a very strong memorandum
of understanding
that is a little conceptual.
What the fuck
are you talking about?
"It's a very strong
memorandum of understanding
that's a little conceptual"?
It is not ideal to be talking
about something as important as this
while sounding
like an art history major
describing a Rothko
while having a stroke.
And look, we're taping this
on Saturday,
so who knows what will have happened
by the time that you see this?
An outlet associated
with Iran's military force
"denied that Iran would sign an
agreement with the US" on Sunday
and suggested that Trump
was only pushing it so hard
because he wanted a deal
"to coincide with his birthday".
Which, I will say,
would not be the first time
he exploited Iran
for personal reasons,
given that he'd previously suggested
that ongoing negotiations
were the reason that he couldn't
attend Don Jr.'s wedding, saying,
"It's not good timing for me,
I have a thing called Iran."
Which is just incredible.
"President dad misses son's wedding
for a peace deal he didn't get"
isn't breaking Hemingway records
for shortest sad story,
but it might be the dumbest.
And on top of all of this,
the World Cup began this week,
with spectacular opening ceremonies
in the three host countries.
Mexico went
with Shakira and Salma Hayek,
Canada had Michael Buble
and Alanis Morissette,
while America for some reason
opted for Katy Perry
dressed like a lampshade.
Now, with the U.S.
as one of the year's hosts,
visitors from around the world
have been marveling at what
this country has to offer,
and it has been fun to see
America through their eyes.
A Swedish visitor posted,
"Why did no one tell me
ranch sauce is like crack?"
a German named Freddy went
viral with posts like this one,
from outside a Buc-ee's,
"Dude LMAO this is a gas station",
and in Boston, a bunch of Scottish fans
found the infamous cop slide
and sent a bagpiper down it.
But unfortunately,
not everyone's been able
to enjoy the wonders of America.
"Fans from more than a quarter
of the countries taking part in the WC
face travel bans, tighter restrictions
or high visa rejection rates."
And when Trump was asked about
that, his answer was pretty telling.
Some people are afraid
that it's going to be harder
to get visas to come from outside.
Can you reassure them?
We're working on it
very closely
to make sure that the right people
come into our country.
Oh, "the right people."
I'll be honest, I'm not sure
I trust Trump's judgment on who
the right people are
any more than I trust his ability
to look at a Civil War reenactment
and point at the good guys.
And it's not just fans.
Iraq's star player was held
for almost seven hours and
had his phone inspected
before being allowed entry.
Iran's national team had
to relocate their training camp
from the U.S. to Mexico, in order
to "resolve potential visa issues",
and a referee from Somalia was denied
entry at Miami Airport
and forced to fly back home.
One reporter actually caught up
with the head of the White House
task force on the World Cup,
Andrew Giuliani, yes, relation,
and pointed out
the obvious pattern here.
Given the people having trouble
accessing this tournament
How so?
Is this shaping up
as a racist World Cup?
First off, explain your question,
because I think the premise is false.
Swiss striker Breel Embolo,
Cameroon-born,
he had trouble
getting into the country.
Iraqi striker Aymen Hussein
- Are in the country?
- They're in the country!
- Exactly.
- They were detained.
Don't you think the most important
thing about a tournament
is making sure that those fans
that come to the United States,
all those Americans that
are gonna enjoy this tournament,
that they actually
are safe and secure?
That's what I ultimately
think is important.
We're going to continue
Was a Somalian referee not allowed
into the country
because Donald Trump
has a problem with Somalia?
That is pretty damning,
although I do kind of love
the immediate whiplash of,
"Explain your question,
your premise is false,"
to, "I understand the question
now, excuse me, I have to leave."
But I guess you would expect
nothing less from Andrew Giuliani,
not just Rudy's son, but a guy
with truly abysmal vibes.
He looks
like Ron Howard drowned.
He looks like he got kicked off
Duke's golf team
for being too much of a dick,
but that's only because he did!
That is a real thing
that happened!
That man is exactly
who you think he is.
Meanwhile, Gianni Infantino,
the head of FIFA,
and not, as you might've guessed
by his name and face,
Italy's version of the Boss Baby,
has claimed that "the world
is welcome in America",
very much a "citation needed"
sort of a statement.
And when a reporter
pressed Infantino this week
on the problems
people were encountering,
his response was maddening.
Chill, relax. We work on everything,
we try to solve everything.
You say people should chill and
relax about these situations.
But you've got one of the world's
top referees
told he can't enter the United States,
sent back home,
accused of having links with
suspected terror organizations.
Are you embarrassed therefore by
what actually has come to pass?
And do you have to accept
that you've lost some control
of your own tournament here?
When I say to chill, I don't mean
to chill and do nothing.
I mean to trust us.
Look, there are times when
"no worries" is a good attitude.
Like when you're meditating,
or when your father's been
murdered by your uncle,
you fled your home,
and now you're moving in
with your friendly gay neighbors.
But when Trump
is using the World Cup
as an excuse to punish
specific groups of people,
telling everyone to chill
won't cut it.
And as for "trust FIFA",
no fucking way!
We have done multiple stories
on how terrible they are.
I can barely think
of a less ethical organization
and I'm very much including companies
like "Let's Kill Some Wildlife",
"Give Us Your Blood,
It's Fine, We Swear",
"Boomer Brainrot
Featuring Myanmar Genocide"
and "Oops, We Didn't
Put the Wings on Right."
And it's especially hard to trust FIFA
to stand up to Trump,
given Infantino's sucked up
to him in so many ways,
he's actually made more public
appearances in the Oval Office
during Trump's second term
than any world political leader.
And he "opened an office
in Trump Tower in Manhattan,
meaning FIFA are paying rent
to the Trump family business."
Also, FIFA not only moved
the World Cup draw
away from Las Vegas
to the Kennedy Center,
remember, they had the gall
to present Trump
with the inaugural
FIFA Peace Prize during it.
Mr. President, this is your prize,
this is your peace prize.
There is also a beautiful medal
for you
that you can wear
everywhere you want to go.
That is so much weirdness
in one 12-second clip.
First, Infantino saying,
"It's a beautiful medal you can
wear everywhere you want to go"
sounds like he's trying to sell it
on the Home Shopping Network.
Then there's Trump's
excited reaction there.
He saw that medal, went, "Oooh",
like a monkey spotting a banana,
then yoinked it out of the box
like the Hamburglar.
He looks like a cartoon cat pulling
a fishbone out of a garbage can.
That would be gross enough, but
Infantino still wasn't done pandering,
because he also, and this is true,
hired the Village People
to play "YMCA" for him at that event,
so that he could dance
to his favorite song.
Which is really a match made
in heaven when you think about it,
since the Village People and Trump
both elicit the emotion,
"Oh! They're still alive," just with
slightly different general tones.
And in hindsight,
that might actually turn out to be
the high point of Trump's
second term.
Because since then, his approval
ratings have hit new lows,
he's started a stupid war that
he doesn't seem to know how to end,
and the very building
where that event took place
removed his name from
the front of it this weekend.
At this point, surely even
Trump's most ardent supporters
must see that letting him back
into the White House again
was very much like bringing
an elephant to a convention center:
it was a terrible idea from the start
and you don't get to be surprised
that it has caused such a gigantic
fucking mess. And now, this.
And Now: Did You Know About
the Broken Urinal at WNEP Scranton?
- Mindy doesn't know this.
- No.
Our urinal, one of them,
closest to the studio,
has been busted now
for two weeks.
There it is, right through five,
six o'clock, just total sunshine.
Our urinal is broke here at WNEP.
Jon, I just checked.
- It's still broken?
- Yeah. I mean, enough is enough.
We're told, I don't know
if this is just a rumor,
but someone flushed Dude Wipes
down the toilet here.
This is now placed on the urinal.
I just got it.
What is that?
I saw that sitting there.
- It's a urinal re-builder kit.
- Are you serious?
Now, is this a hint that,
like, we should do this?
- I saw this box sitting there.
- It's a urinal rebuilder kit.
Jon, did you see the good news
in the lavatory yet?
- It was exciting. Yeah.
- I heard about it.
The urinal's back. I saw them
working on it. I told them, "Thanks."
I don't know if you noticed, folks.
I lost about five pounds
walking to the other side of
the building urinal over the last week.
Check it out, the one close
to the weather office, Jon,
finally,
I think it's been fixed, right?
- We're back in business, big guy.
- It is open once again.
- Yeah, no distance walking.
- Okay.
Well,
topping our news this morning,
a man is dead after a house fire
in Wayne County.
Moving on. Before we get
to our main story tonight,
I want to talk to you about an area
in the U.K. called Makerfield.
It's between Manchester
and Liverpool and it contains,
among other things, parts of Wigan,
the town where, charmingly,
Wallace and Gromit live, and which
was-slightly less charmingly,
once portrayed by George Orwell
as "a sinkhole of misery".
Two fun facts that I frankly can't
believe Aardman Animators
haven't already combined
into a single movie.
To be fair, George Orwell's not the
only one with a low opinion of Wigan.
Watch as this guy pays the town a visit
and interviews some local kids.
- What's the best thing about Wigan?
- It's shit.
Only good thing
is Galloway's pies.
But why does everyone say
Galloway's pies?
'Cause it's better.
- Bolton or Wigan?
- Bolton.
- Really?
- Yeah, I'd choose Bolton over Wigan.
It's just a shithole, but they're both
shitholes at the end of the day.
Fantastic. I think
my favorite part of that is,
"Why does everyone say
Galloway's pies?"
being answered with,
"Because it's better."
Better than what, exactly?
Although, to be fair,
based on those kids' attitude,
I'm guessing the answer was,
"Better than any other parts of my
day in this godforsaken shithole town."
And look, as nice
as Galloway's pies sounds,
I should tell you: one
of Wigan's prized local dishes
is actually something called
a babby's yed,
a suet pudding that
can be served "flottin"
or floating in gravy, or pey wet,
served with, and I quote,
the "sort of discharge that
comes off of mushy peas."
Which sounds less like a recipe
and more like an episode of "Chopped"
where the only ingredients
were items found in the dumpster.
Just listen to this man
explain the dish even further.
When you tip it out, it's supposed
to look like a baby's head.
The hat is obviously this.
So, when they ask for
babby's yed with t'at on,
or "baby's head with the hat on",
it's to keep it warm.
I don't like all the gravy and
the peas and everything up
and curry or whatever
mushed in.
I like the chips to be dry,
and I'll squash it down like that,
and I'll mix it in with the chips.
Okay, just for the record,
I also find that disgusting.
In fact, I genuinely might prefer
watching that man
eat an actual baby's head.
Now, the reason I'm talking about
this small area in Northern England
is, for complicated reasons,
next week,
it may end up deciding the
next prime minister of the U.K.
and changing the course
of British history.
And if you're thinking,
"Wait, hold on,
didn't Britain just elect a new
prime minister?" Yeah, it did!
Just two years ago,
Keir Starmer and the Labour Party
swept into power,
breaking the Conservative Party's
stronghold on government
that had lasted for 14 years.
And Starmer's slogan back then
really was "Change".
Which does make sense,
as he looks like a man
who saw Obama's
"Hope and Change" campaign and said,
"Hope? Yeah, c'mon,
let's not go crazy.
Let's just go with 'Change' and put it
in the smallest font imaginable."
Back then, Starmer was riding
high, but things have not gone well.
He's been in office
less than two years
but failed to kickstart
Britain's sluggish economy.
He also made the disastrous decision
to appoint Peter Mandelson
as the U.K.'s ambassador
to Washington.
Mandelson was known to be
a longtime friend of Jeffrey Epstein.
The scandal has badly
weakened Starmer,
who's faced ridicule
from President Trump.
This is not Winston Churchill
that we're dealing with.
Yeah,
"he's not Winston Churchill."
That is a pretty savage burn
coming from a man
who himself is very much
"not FDR",
apart from, of course, his penchant
for hiding his medical conditions.
The point is, voters in Britain
have turned on Starmer hard,
which came to a head last month,
during local elections
around the country,
when Labour got absolutely clobbered,
losing more than 1,400 representatives
from English councils.
And it's not just that people feel
Starmer hasn't delivered change,
they seem
to personally loathe him.
What are your thoughts
on Keir Starmer?
Can I swear?
- You can be as honest as you like.
- He's a prick.
I mean, that is perfect. The only way
that could've been better
is if she'd then said, "Actually, can I
take a minute to think of a meaner one?
I want to really hurt his feelings.
Hold on, can I say 'cunt' on the news?
Pretty sure I can, right?"
But incredibly,
Starmer has been digging in.
In fact,
just listen to him last month,
right after his party
got shellacked in those elections.
Did you contemplate this morning
that the responsibility
is that it's time for you to go
and to resign?
Let me be clear:
these are really tough results.
I'm not gonna sugar-coat it.
Did you contemplate
that the problem might be you,
that you might need to go to help
Labour win these seats back?
Did you even contemplate it?
Did you acknowledge it
as a conversation, even?
I think it's absolutely clear
that the electorate
are fed up with the fact that their
lives aren't changing quickly enough.
It is brutal how that reporter just
kept rephrasing that same question.
Did you contemplate it was your fault?
Did you even acknowledge it?
Did you write a list of possible
problems on a whiteboard
and include
as one of them "yourself'"?
Have you ever looked into
the mirror and questioned
whether you, Keir Starmer,
are the root cause
of all the problems in the country
right now? And if not, why not?
Suffice to say, Starmer and
the Labour Party are in big trouble.
But they still have a chance
to change course here.
Because remember: the U.K.'s system
is different from the U.S.'s.
Over there, the ruling party can
actually swap out its leader
without having to call
a general election.
That is why,
while Americans are typically stuck
with our choice for four years,
barring a truly hilarious
manhole accident,
in the U.K., prime ministers
have a more transient quality.
It's one of the reasons why there's been
four of them in the past four years,
including one who famously
didn't even outlast a head of lettuce.
And many in Labour think
their best option
is to replace Starmer
with this man, Andy Burnham,
the popular mayor
of Greater Manchester.
The thing is, to be prime minister,
you have to be a sitting
member of parliament.
But Burnham isn't. All of which
brings us back to Makerfield.
Because to make a path for Burnham,
the Labour MP for Makerfield
recently resigned,
specifically to allow Burnham
to run in a by-election there,
the British equivalent of a special
election, this coming Thursday.
And if Burnham wins, he's already
confirmed he'll challenge Starmer
to become prime minister.
But if he loses, the Labour Party
is pretty much fucked,
and as you're about to see,
some of the parties waiting to
take over are just incredibly grim.
The point here is, roughly
76,000 registered voters in Makerfield,
that is less than the capacity
of Giants Stadium,
and about one-sixth of 1% of Britain's
voting population,
currently hold the future
of the country in their hands.
Given all of that, tonight, let's talk
about the Makerfield by-election:
how Labour got to this point, which
parties are nipping at their heels
and who some
of the candidates in it are,
because the whole thing
is just fucking bonkers.
And let's start with how Starmer's
support collapsed so quickly.
And to be fair, some of that
was outside his control.
The U.K.'s economy has been
struggling for the past two decades,
for all sorts of reasons,
from Brexit, to the pandemic,
to Russia's invasion of Ukraine.
People are really struggling there,
with one poll showing
almost six in 10 Britons
saying they felt the cost-of-living
crisis would never end.
That would be a huge challenge
for even a savvy politician,
which Starmer very much is not.
His solutions, like cutting
fuel payments for the elderly,
have caused huge blowback,
and for minimal gain,
to the point where this is how
one group of analysts describe him.
I remember, I was looking back
at what he said at the time.
His plan was to make good decisions.
That's not a plan.
Particularly if you're not
good at decision-making,
which turns out
he also wasn't very good at.
Talk about his judgement of people.
Is he good with people?
No.
Does he work well
with cabinet ministers?
They regard him
with near open contempt.
Holy shit, that is so brutally cold
I almost wish they kept going there.
What about animals,
how is he with animals?
Birds frequently try
to fly into his face,
and dogs show him
even less respect.
And what of children?
He held a baby at a speech once and
the baby called him a rizzless wanker.
Anything else you'd like
to add at this point?
Sure. Automatic doors
refuse to open for him
and plants exposed to his picture
are 70% less likely to yield flowers.
And amazingly, the public is even
less enthusiastic about Starmer,
with recent focus groups'
descriptions of him
including a "jellyfish"
and a "doormat".
And one big reason for that is,
for a man who was already
pretty much a centrist,
he has relentlessly
pandered to the right,
on everything from trans rights,
to immigration,
to the pro-Palestine movement.
On that last front,
his government's now classified a civil
disobedience group, Palestine Action,
as a terrorist organization, banning it,
which has made belonging to it,
or inviting support for it,
"a serious crime punishable
by up to 14 years in prison."
In the wake of that decision,
priests, teachers and pensioners
are among hundreds of people
who've been arrested
merely for holding up signs
in support of the organization,
resulting in these crazy images
of elderly protestors
getting carried away by police.
Those are some bad visuals
for any leader,
let alone one who literally used
to be a human rights lawyer.
It is frankly no wonder many
progressive Labour supporters
have since been drawn
to the U.K.'s Green Party,
including this one.
Looking at the parties, who do you
like the look of at the moment?
I think definitely Greens these days,
or Independent, probably, yeah.
- You say "these days."
- Yeah.
A couple of years ago, would that
have been the case?
- No, I was a big fan of Labour.
- What's changed in the last few years?
There's been a lot of things that have
been sliding to the right
and betraying a lot of, like,
working-class voters
and people of color, also
refugees and basically minorities,
even like, trans healthcare
and LGBT rights, and all this stuff.
- That's quite a long list.
- Yes. For sure.
Yeah, it is a pretty long list,
isn't it?
It kind of seems like someone
asked Starmer,
"Who do you want to throw under
the bus," and he just said "Yes."
So, Starmer has clearly
disappointed many on the left.
And normally,
the challenge to his right
would've come from Labour's traditional
opposition, the Conservatives.
But they, too, saw major losses
in last month's elections.
And the party that's increasingly
taken their place
is the further-right Reform UK.
It won nearly 1,500 council races,
which is clearly great news
for its leader, Nigel Farage,
biblically accurate frog prince
and professional asshole.
Now, we've talked about Farage
before, he's the provocative bigot
who spearheaded
the campaign for Brexit
and has, on multiple occasions,
had milkshakes thrown at him.
Here he is right after one of those
incidents, looking like
he's modeling a suit from
Joseph A. Bank's bukkake collection.
Farage built the Reform Party around
his usual right-wing talking points,
which are heavy on the xenophobia,
as you can kind of see
through videos like this.
You ask yourself why
public services have diminished,
you ask yourself why rents
have gone through the roof.
The population explosion
has done that.
And many of you look
at parts of London, for example,
where the road names,
the underground signs
aren't just in English, they're in
a foreign language as well.
One million people living in this
country don't speak any English at all.
Okay, first, and I think you
probably already knew this,
that "one million" figure
is just bullshit.
As of the most recent census,
only around 160,000 people
in England and Wales
said that they couldn't speak
any English.
But also,
a British man complaining
"foreigners showed up, and now this
road sign isn't in the language I speak"
is fucking bold, given,
you know, history.
I'm just saying:
the largest lake in Africa wasn't
always called "Lake Victoria".
That only started when some
pasty white dude showed up
and decided to name it
after his national mommy,
and as much as I'm sure everyone liked
imagining her drowning in there,
it is probably time to rename it.
Nonetheless, bigotry and grievance
propelled the Reform Party forward
despite Farage's
own significant baggage,
from his long history
of lies and sexism,
to more recent questions about
how a five-million-pound gift
that he received from
a crypto billionaire,
shortly before announcing that
he'd run in the 2024 general election.
When asked about that,
his response wasn't exactly great.
This was given to me
on an unconditional basis,
completely unconditional basis
but frankly it was given as a reward
for campaigning
for Brexit for 27 years.
And it had no impact on your
decision to come back into public life?
No.
But he who pays the piper
picks the tune.
Hang on a second.
I can't be bought by anybody.
Farage makes
some sharp turns there,
going from
"this was an unconditional gift"
to "I was paid as a reward
for a specific action"
to "I can't be bought by anybody."
Honestly, if you let him
talk for long enough there,
I'm pretty sure
he'd get himself to:
"But you know what? I can be
rented out on an interim basis."
But despite all of that,
Reform's anti-immigrant messaging
has clearly found an audience.
Watch this video of a local Reform
candidate from earlier this year
denying charges of racism,
before then talking to a supporter who
slightly undercuts her argument.
I think the thing I hear more than
anything else is a fascist and Nazi,
which is the furthest
than what we are.
We're just not that at all.
- None of us are racists.
- No. I'm not.
But they tell you that if you
To be honest, I've never been
racist, but I'm getting that way.
"I've never been racist,
but I'm getting that way."
Guess what? If you're considering it,
you're actually already there!
It's not like getting bangs!
You don't have to wait
for the racism to grow in!
You did it!
The journey is the destination!
Reform will claim they've distanced
themselves from rhetoric like that.
Farage has boasted that they've
"professionalized" the party.
But it is worth knowing that
the candidates it ran last month
included Brett Muscroft, who
reportedly posted on Facebook,
"Islam is like cancer. If you don't
remove it on time, it will kill you."
And Andrew Mahon who posted,
"No disrespect but why can
Black people use the N word,
but white people cannot?"
demonstrating the level of delusion
that would make someone
comfortable leaving the house
in this selection of outfits.
And honestly, if his argument
is that he can't see color,
he's making a pretty good case
for it there.
And when one of Reform's leaders
went on the news
right after their
election wins last month,
he got this awkward question about
yet another of their shitty candidates.
One of your
new Sunderland councilors,
so a man who was elected
to represent Reform,
suggested melting Nigerians
to fill potholes.
Is that person who's expressed
those views
somebody you are happy
to see represent Reform?
This weekend, we are celebrating
our incredible successes.
Like any party, you have internal
party processes to look
at where people have said
or done the wrong thing.
But do you condemn
those remarks?
Laura, I condemn anything
that is wrong and inappropriate.
Which that is! Jesus Christ.
I don't know what is worse there:
his failure to directly condemn
someone for suggesting
melting Nigerians to fill potholes,
or that he seems genuinely annoyed
he's being asked about it.
Because
if you cannot denounce that,
you should really expect to be asked
about it for the rest of your life.
In fact, even after your life,
at your funeral,
someone should politely knock
on your coffin to say,
"Sorry you died, but last chance: any
final comment on that pothole racist?"
And it actually gets worse.
Because incredibly,
Reform itself is now being
challenged on its right,
by an even newer party
called Restore Britain.
It enjoys the support of fascists,
neo-Nazis and other extremists,
with Elon Musk even tweeting, "Only
Restore Britain can save Britain."
And the fact that Restore
is gaining support
should be pretty alarming, given just
how poisonous its policies are.
Here is their leader,
Rupert Lowe, giving you just a taste.
We will celebrate
our Christian heritage
and the identity that built
and shaped this country.
Responsibility, restraint,
forgiveness, duty, and fairness.
In short, a high trust society.
That will mean defending our culture.
That will mean resisting
the relentless creep of radical Islam.
That will mean banning the burqa,
outlawing sharia law,
blocking cousin marriages,
and reimposing
our Christian-based rule of law.
A Restore Britain government
would legislate to ensure
that no halal or kosher slaughter
on British soil.
This is Britain
and we will do things our way.
Fucking spare me, Rupert!
And while it is clearly not
the most important thing there,
for the record, the culture,
heritage, and identity
that shaped Britain was literally
built on cousin marriages.
It's been a pretty crucial part
of the whole process.
You might want to brush
up on your history,
given that your general vibe there
is so cartoonishly English,
you look like your first words
as a baby were
"British East India Company."
The point is,
with Reform on the rise
and Restore pulling it
even further to the right,
Britain risks heading
in a very dark direction.
And at least
in the immediate future,
the only party positioned
to stop that slide
is the one currently in power, Labour.
Which brings us back to Andy Burnham.
He's actually been a contender to lead
the Labour Party for years now.
He used to be an MP, and even served
as health secretary for a year.
But after two failed attempts
to become leader,
he became mayor
of Greater Manchester,
where he made national news standing
up to Boris Johnson's government,
over its failure to provide enough
assistance during the Covid lockdowns.
It is wrong to place some
of the poorest parts of England
in a punishing lockdown
without proper support
for the people
and businesses affected.
This is an important moment.
Greater Manchester will stand firm.
We are fighting back for fairness
and for the health of our people,
in the broadest sense.
It's moments like that helped Burnham
become known as "King of the North."
In fact, he's currently ranked
as Britain's most popular politician,
with an average popularity
rating of 35%.
Which I know doesn't sound
like much,
but you do have to remember,
the British mind
can only hold 35% happiness
at a maximum.
Winning the World Cup
can push us up to 40%,
but that has only happened once.
Unless, I guess,
they win it again this summer,
so we'll just have to wait
and see exactly how they don't.
And on its face,
Burnham winning in Makerfield
really shouldn't be difficult,
given it's been a safe Labour
seat for more than 120 years.
But voters there have become
less predictable in recent years.
During Brexit, nearly two-thirds
voted to leave the EU,
and in last month's local elections,
Reform won every ward there.
What is more, Burnham doesn't
technically live in the constituency,
and while some residents may find his
ambitions for higher office appealing,
others are, understandably,
a bit resentful
at having him swan in and use them
as a springboard to get there.
You're going to be voting for someone
who's not going to be here,
who's got bigger issues
than Ashton-in-Makerfield,
really, so it won't be his priority.
We're not here to enable him
to pursue his personal ambitions.
I'm sure Andy Burnham is only using
us as a stepping stone anyway.
He don't care about Makerfield.
He's not local.
And he just wants
to get into Number 10.
My mom is right.
I don't love that she's going around
giving interviews about Andy Burnham
with my dad,
but that's a conversation
that we can have at Christmas.
Now, to counter
that "outsider" narrative,
Burnham's tried to point out
his local bona fides,
like the fact that his children
went to school in the area
and that he has
"loads of connections there."
He even recently claimed that his
favorite wigan delicacy
is, you guessed it,
babby's yed.
But Reform seems to think that
it can exploit the perception
that he's an ambitious outsider.
Because their candidate,
Robert Kenyon, has gone out of his way
to remind people
that he is very much a local.
I was born in Makerfield.
If I was elected,
I'd be the first person born in
the constituency to become the MP.
I don't think any MP
that's ever stood in Makerfield
was actually born in the area.
I'm a plumber, gas engineer.
It gets me a bit emotional sometimes
thinking there's a chance
that I could be representing people
in parliament, it's a massive honor.
And people will be thinking,
"Hang on a minute,
he serviced my boiler last week."
Yeah, it's pretty striking, isn't it?
When your opponent is being accused
of being out of touch
with the community,
it's a pretty good counter
to be able to say,
"I have literally been elbow deep
in this entire community's shit."
The point is, Kenyon is a salt of
the Earth guy. A straight shooter.
A regular Joe.
Not a career politician.
And if you have the pattern
recognition of a pigeon,
you can probably tell
what I'm about to say next,
which is that his online history
is a fucking mess.
A lot of his posts have resurfaced,
including one that says,
"I'm sexist, sorry but I am",
and another saying English women
"just walk around with their fat
bellies and odd shapes
pushing a pram at 16 in their PJ's."
One post actually caused that same
reporter you saw earlier
to physically chase him
down the street to answer for it.
Why should women
in Makerfield vote for you, Rob?
Speak to the press office.
Why should women in Makerfield
vote for you, Rob,
when you said you were a sexist?
Can you not.
No, but why should women
vote for you
when you said that you were a sexist
and that they can't drive?
It's true, Kenyon once said
that women can't drive.
It might be more accurate to say that
people in Makerfield will be thinking,
"Hang on a minute, that guy
did fix my boiler last week,
but he randomly told my wife that
her natural place is in the kitchen."
But amazingly, it gets even worse.
Kenyon also made a controversial post
about a beloved figure in British
broadcasting named Carol Vorderman.
Very basically, for decades,
she was the co-host
of a popular afternoon game show
called "Countdown"
and she became a national treasure.
And knowing that,
you can hopefully now understand
the visual impact
of what I'm about to show you.
So, on Christmas Eve,
you spotted a message
somebody sent to Carol Vorderman
on her birthday,
which said, "Happy birthday, Carol.
My God, I would love to smell
and lick your asshole."
- Now you responded to that.
- I responded to a separate tweet.
You responded to a separate tweet,
so go on: clarify.
So, somebody had written that,
somebody else had commented on that,
and then I responded
to the comment on that.
So, which comment
were you responding to
when you responded
about the arsehole?
If you're even being asked that
question, you are in serious trouble.
And while he is trying
to make it confusing there,
it's actually pretty simple.
Basically, someone on Twitter posted,
on Carol Vorderman's birthday,
"Happy birthday, Carol, my god, I'd
love to smell and lick your asshole."
Someone else replied
criticizing it, saying,
"If you're prepared to post this
on a public forum,
I would suggest your computer drive
probably needs checking",
only for Kenyon to respond,
"He's only saying
what we're all thinking,
cry-laughing emoji,
thumbs-up emoji."
So, Kenyon's defense of that post
was essentially,
"Hey, I'm not the one
who brought it up!"
But that's not remotely
exculpatory, is it?
It's like if someone tweeted,
"Hey, Bronx Zoo, you should let
visitors jerk off the lemurs,"
and I replied with
"Facts! Thumbs-up emoji!"
Sure, I might not have technically
brought it up first,
but I did not cover myself
in glory there.
And to be clear: Kenyon still
hasn't apologized for those comments,
continuing to defend himself,
claiming he's just an ordinary person
who's "rough around the edges".
Now, for the record,
"rough around the edges" means
that you don't know
what a crab fork is,
not that you think it's okay
to participate in internet discourse
about a public woman's
birthday asshole.
The point is, this is the candidate
with vehemently sexist
and rimjob-positive views
who could, theoretically, take down
Labour's best hope of retaining control
of government past the next election.
And it is really hard not to feel for
the voters of Makerfield here,
who've been at the center of an
absolute circus over the last month,
and who have plenty of local
issues that do need addressing,
from affordable housing,
to flooding concerns,
to this massive illegal waste dump
that Makerfield's previous MP,
the very guy, in fact, who stepped
down to let Burnham run,
had actually been working
to finally get cleaned up.
It's a grotesque dump that Sky News
has investigated over the past year.
It was March, almost three months ago,
when it was announced
that the funding was in place
to clear this up,
but it still hasn't happened.
Which of the candidates in this
by-election do you think
would follow through on that
and make sure it is cleaned up?
I would say that the candidates
are just front men, really.
It's not just about us anymore.
It's about, I think, the future
of politics in the country.
It feels a bit more, you know,
a bit overwhelming really
that we could be pivotal in this.
And I just really hope that people
make the right choice.
Yeah, so do I!
And if there are two things
that you don't want someone to be
overwhelmed by at the same time,
it's "responsibility for deciding
England's political future"
and "odors from a massive
illegal waste dump."
So, what happens next here?
Well, someone is clearly gonna win
this Thursday's election,
and while current polls
suggest Labour has a lead,
that may be partly because Restore,
the ultra-far-right party
that, remember, is going to save
Britain from kosher butchery,
is siphoning off votes
from Reform.
And even if Burnham does win,
and is then able to unseat Starmer,
he'll face the same dismal economy
and the same furious voters,
with only three years to figure out
how to deliver the change
that Starmer couldn't
before facing elections in 2029.
But if Burnham loses,
it is gonna be a fucking mess.
I mean a "babby's yed
spread on a pile of chips" mess,
and I don't say that lightly.
A Burnham loss would be a huge
success for Farage's Reform Party
and a humiliation for Labour
so devastating, they may never recover.
And at that point, with Britain's
two long-dominant parties
further crushed, there is a genuine
chance that in a few years
we could see Moneyshot McFlurry
here elected as prime minister.
When we last covered
an election in the U.K.,
we talked about how it could be
"an extinction-level event"
for the Conservative Party,
and it kind of was.
But it is frankly incredible
that just two years later,
Labour has fucked up so badly,
and has thrown its own voters under
the bus so consistently,
they now face the same threat.
Because, and I'm sure this is a lesson
with no applicability to U.S. politics,
you can't promise change,
only to turn around and capitulate
to the right on key principles
that you are supposed to stand for.
Because not only will you
lose people to your left,
the right will just keep moving
the goalposts again and again.
And you'll only have yourself
to blame.
And if Labour loses this by-election,
and what ultimately comes out of it
is Prime Minister Farage,
that is gonna be hard to swallow.
In fact, I'd go so far as to say that
it will be the hardest thing to swallow
to come out of the Makerfield area,
The babby's yed.
We all knew
that it was gonna end like this.
That is our show,
thank you so much for watching.
We'll see you next week, goodnight!
There's no place like home.
Fuck no!