Last Week Tonight With John Oliver (2014) s13e18 Episode Script
Trump Cryptocurrency
Welcome to "Last Week Tonight"!
I'm John Oliver. Thank you so much
for joining us. We are back!
And we missed a lot
over the last few weeks.
A parasitic infection has caused
explosive diarrhea across the country,
Lindsey Graham died,
and Mitch McConnell maybe didn't?
Graham Platner dropped out
of Maine's Senate race,
the U.K. got a new prime minister,
OpenAI said its AI went rogue
and launched
an unprecedented cyber attack,
and Iran's new leader is now
apparently more open
to pursuing a nuclear weapon.
And yet, somehow, in the midst
of all that, this happened too.
A peculiar little raccoon is taking
the internet by storm,
and now he's become
an unlikely celebrity in Seattle.
It looks like he was squished up
and hunched over.
Perched there on the fencepost,
this unusual yet adorable fur ball
is none other than Jimothy.
Yeah, you heard that right.
He's got a name,
and the internet has identified him
as a short-spined raccoon.
He's become somewhat
of an international sensation.
I think Jimothy has come to us
at a time
where everyone just needs
something to rally around.
Yes, he has! We needed
this busted raccoon so bad!
And people have gone to town
celebrating him, from the fact
that, if you Google "Jimothy",
an animated version
scurries across your screen,
to the Seattle Mariners putting up
the phrase "make noise for Jimothy"
on their jumbotron.
It turns out, the world
is such a mess right now,
the only thing
that could truly unite us
was a disheveled raccoon with
the posture of an arthritic bog witch.
Jimothy is not the hero we need,
but he is the hero we deserve.
But rather than focus on everything
we've missed over the last few weeks,
we're actually gonna dive straight in
with our main story this week,
which concerns Donald Trump,
a man who,
offense very much meant,
looks like he's slowly
turning into Mrs. Doubtfire.
Specifically, we're gonna look
at something
Trump's dedicated a lot of attention
to over the last few years: crypto.
He's even called himself
the "first crypto president",
which is a pretty big turnaround,
given that just five years ago,
he not only called Bitcoin
"a scam",
he was also
giving interviews like this.
Do you ever dabble
in Bitcoin or cryptos?
I don't. I like the currency
of the United States.
I think the others are potentially
a disaster waiting to happen.
I don't know. I feel that
it hurts the United States currency.
We should be invested
They may be fake.
Who knows what they are.
Yeah, Trump was not a big fan
of "cryptos" back then.
And that conversation
is basically what you would expect
from two septuagenarians
talking about Bitcoin.
It has the same vibe
of cranky befuddlement
as Statler asking Waldorf what
he thinks of ethical non-monogamy.
Stu Varney in particular there
sounds like a grandpa
desperately trying to find something to
talk about with his teenage grandson.
So, you dabble in the cryptos?
Are you on the TikToks?
I saw on the evening news
that Charli D'Armadillo
is pretty popular right now.
Please just say anything to me,
I'm gonna be dead in five years.
But since then, Trump's had a pretty
significant change of heart,
to the point that, in 2024,
he delivered the keynote
at a Bitcoin convention
where he said this.
Those who say that Bitcoin
is a threat to the dollar
have the story exactly backwards.
I believe it is exactly backwards.
This afternoon, I'm laying out my plan
to ensure that the United States
will be
the crypto capital of the planet
and the Bitcoin superpower
of the world, and we'll get it done.
And Bitcoin is going to the moon,
as we say, it's going the moon.
I want America to be
the nation that leads the way,
and that's what's going to happen.
Now, if you are not a crypto person,
"going to the moon"
is a catchphrase in that world.
Which is a little weird,
as I always assumed the official
catchphrase for crypto was
"a first date conversation's
worst nightmare."
And while there are
several possible explanations
for why Trump made such a 180
on crypto,
including that he saw an industry
willing to spend a shitload
to help him get elected,
I'd argue the biggest one
is probably that Trump realized
just how much money
he personally could end up making
from dealing with a speculative asset,
because it's turned out to be a lot.
His recent financial filings show that,
in just his first year back in office,
his personal income surged
to more than 2.2 billion,
most of which came from his
family's crypto businesses,
which brought in about 1.4 billion.
In fact, crypto's become the Trump
family's dominant business interest,
overshadowing
their real estate empire
and every other business
they have ever had.
And as this ethics attorney explains,
there is a crucial difference
between crypto
and all Trump's other ventures.
President Trump has sold steaks,
he's sold gold sneakers, Bibles.
How is this any different?
At least
those had some intrinsic value.
This is like a perfect vehicle
to funnel money
to him and his family
to enrich them.
Right. Although, personally,
I do take issue with the idea
that the Trump steak or sneakers
held any intrinsic value.
Because if, gun to my head, I had to eat
one and wear the other on my foot,
I'm picking shoe for food
and steak for shoe.
As for Trump's Bibles,
I'll just point out
that the website that sold them had
a question on their FAQ that said,
"What if my Bible has sticky pages?"
which could only get more off-putting
if the answer provided
was just, "Blame Craig."
So, given all that, tonight,
let's talk about Trump,
his crypto holdings,
and what they mean for all of us.
And right off the bat, I should say,
Trump and his family
have a truly absurd number
of crypto-related ventures
involved
in all sorts of business deals,
to the point that those
who've tried keeping track of them
have wound up
making diagrams like this.
Which looks so intricate,
it's like someone tried to map out
all the relationships
on "Vanderpump Rules".
A solid line is dating,
a dashed line is exes,
and a dotted line is hand stuff.
And don't worry,
we are not going to talk
about all the Trump family's
crypto involvements, for instance,
I will spare you the details about
Eric Trump's Bitcoin-mining company,
except to show you this clip of him
explaining the brilliant way
he helped his partners come up
with its name.
I'll never forget saying to them,
"It's got to have two words in it.
It has to have 'America'
and it has to have 'Bitcoin.'"
And one of the two guys said,
"Listen, Eric. American Bitcoin.
That's got to be the name."
Holy shit, Eric, that is so smart.
I mean, if I were naming
an American Bitcoin company,
I'd have probably said the words you
had to use were "Albania" and "giraffe".
But I guess that's why I'm not
a business genius like Eric Trump is.
Instead, I'm going to focus
on just two of the Trump family's
major crypto ventures,
and I'll describe them the way I'm sure
he describes his oldest sons,
specifically,
the big one and the dumb one.
And let's start with the dumb one:
Trump's memecoins.
Memecoins are basically online jokes
converted into digital money,
which are worth only what people
are willing to pay for them.
You're probably aware of memecoins
like Dogecoin, Shiba Inu, and Fartcoin,
a name I'm honestly shocked
Eric Trump didn't come up with.
"I'll never forget saying, 'Listen,
it's got to have two words in it.
It has to have 'fart'
and it has to have 'coin'.
And they said, 'Eric, Fartcoin.
That's got to be the name.'"
And as this analyst points out,
the whole value of a memecoin
is built on its novelty.
It is a coin that means nothing.
It is like buying a Pet Rock,
except you don't even get a rock.
It has no value,
it has no trading value,
it's not used in commerce, nothing.
Right. Although, at the same time,
let's try and put some respect
on the Pet Rock's name.
It was the idea of Gary Dahl,
who sold enough
to become a millionaire
in the '70s in basically one year.
He bought a bunch of smooth rocks
from a builder's supply store in Mexico
for a penny apiece
and sold them for around 4 dollars,
which in today's money
is 25 dollars.
And think about that.
Two years after an oil crisis,
and in the midst of a recession,
this guy convinced a bunch of,
I can only assume, coked-out lunatics
to pay the equivalent of multiple hours
of their wages to buy a Pet Rock.
Then Gary cashed out
and fucked off into the horizon.
Nothing has touched the marketing
brilliance of the Pet Rock.
In fact, everyone in this audience,
look under your seats right now!
I'm just kidding, I'm kidding,
HBO doesn't have rock money
anymore. Are you crazy?
The point is, most memecoins,
seemingly by design,
basically follow the trajectory
of pump-and-dump schemes:
they spike in value when they first
come out and then immediately crash,
with insiders selling at the peak.
And in Trump's case, just three days
before his second inauguration,
he launched the Trump memecoin,
in a social media post
where he told everyone
to "have fun".
Two days later, on the eve
of the inauguration,
Melania launched her own memecoin
with this social media post,
which looks like she's dropping
an album of Adele covers.
And while it is by no means
the worst part,
maybe they should've workshopped
the name of her coin a bit more
so that it doesn't read
as "smellania".
Anyway,
when Trump's coin first launched,
many in the crypto community
genuinely couldn't believe it.
It was one of the craziest nights
I've ever experienced in crypto ever.
Like, it was nuts, because
no one believed that it was real.
Everyone thought it was a scam.
Everyone thought
that his account was hacked.
As far as Trump's account getting
hacked: how could you even tell?
Remember, this is a man
who's posted this depiction of himself
taking a selfie with a lion, this one
of him as the anime character Naruto,
and this, walking with a distractingly
ripped alien in handcuffs.
Honestly, the only thing that'd make me
think Trump might've been hacked
is if he suddenly posted a normal,
coherent sentence
without any randomly
capitalized words.
And unsurprisingly,
the Trump coins then did exactly
what memecoins tend to do:
they initially skyrocketed
in valuation,
soaring so high that, for a few hours,
the Trumps and their business partners
were sitting
on at least 50 billion worth of it.
But then, inevitably,
they crashed, and hard.
In fact, by the following December,
Trump's coin
was down 92% since its peak,
while Smellania was down 99%,
almost a complete wipeout in value.
But Trump himself walked away
with a 636 million payout.
And one of the weirder interludes
in his coin's journey
actually came last year,
when Trump managed
to briefly juice his coin's value up
a bit by holding
an "intimate private dinner"
for its 220 top holders,
and in doing so, he was basically
offering access to the White House
in exchange for an investment
in one of his crypto ventures.
A former special counsel to Obama
even called the dinner
"an ethics nightmare".
Though some of the attendees,
like this guy,
who had roughly half a million
dollars tied up in the Trump coin,
did leave feeling a little scammed.
Going into this dinner,
I was hoping
to at least get a picture with Trump
or actually do a TikTok.
So, I was hoping to maybe do a trend
or some short video with him,
maybe like, 15 seconds.
It's not gonna take much of his time.
I just got to the Trump dinner.
Trump came,
gave a speech for I think exactly
23 minutes, and then he left.
His helicopter was right back there.
Left pretty quickly,
didn't stay for the dinner. Maybe
he'll come back, you never know.
I think you already know this,
but he didn't come back.
And I'm honestly
racking my brain right now,
trying to find
a single ounce of sympathy
for someone who purchased
a bunch of Trump's memecoin
to attend a dinner where his main
goal was, and I quote,
to "do a TikTok with Trump."
But I've got nothing.
I refuse to feel sadness
for someone who's seemingly chosen
to sit in a Lamborghini dealership
and dressed themselves like
the second coming of Limp Bizkit.
I can't do it. I can't do it!
But while that dinner may have been
a bust for those who attended it,
shortly after it was announced,
Trump coin jumped approximately 30%.
And look, we don't know if Trump
sold any coins during that bump,
or indeed if anyone involved
with it did.
But the very fact we don't know
is part of the problem here.
Because it clearly doesn't look good
for a president to be involved
in something like that.
Jimmy Carter famously chose to put
his peanut farm in a blind trust
to avoid perceived
conflicts of interest.
And it is a little weird that,
to go by Trump's standards,
if he'd just invented
his own novelty currency instead
called "Jimbo's Nut Bucks", people
would've probably been fine with it.
And it is worth remembering:
while Trump personally
made hundreds of millions of dollars
with this nonsense, people got hurt.
Nearly a million people who bought
into the coin lost money,
with their losses totaling
over 3.8 billion.
And while one of them was this guy,
so you can't be 100% mad,
it is still pretty shitty.
But Trump's memecoin
is just the tip of the iceberg here.
Which actually brings us to his
family's biggest crypto venture:
World Liberty Financial,
the business that Trump
and his sons co-founded
and announced
just weeks before the last election.
Unsurprisingly, his sons again brought
their incredible business acumen
to naming the company.
We call it the World Liberty
because of the liberty aspect of it,
but also because of the world
aspect of it, right?
Yeah. You know,
that's such a good point, isn't it?
It's called World Liberty Financial
because of the liberty aspect,
but also the world aspect
and you know what,
don't forget the financial aspect, too.
It really is the perfect
combination of aspects.
Now, we briefly touched on
World Liberty shortly after it launched
in our segment
on Trump's businesses,
pointing out that its co-founders
include the human Axe body spray cans
Zak Folkman and Chase Herro.
If you didn't see that segment,
just know,
Folkman used to teach cringe-inducing
classes on how to pick up women
called "Date Hotter Girls,"
and Herro has described himself
as "the dirtbag of the internet"
and once described crypto like this.
wrapped in piss,
covered in human skin for
a billion dollars if the story is right.
Because people will buy it, and that is
what is going on in the crypto space.
And like I said in my other video,
I'm not going to question
the right and the wrong of all that,
all I'm saying is, as a human being,
you have that ability to make
Okay, there are a lot of things
that I want to say about that,
but first and foremost:
now is not the time to be talking
with your hands, Chase.
Let's put them at 10:00 and
2:00, you Ed Hardy nightmare.
Now, since launching
World Liberty Financial,
the Trumps have raked
in huge amounts of money,
meaning that that one company
is now worth more to their family
than any other business,
including their stake in Trump Media
and even Mar-a-Lago.
They've achieved this by giving people
a number of different ways to buy in.
The first is through purchasing
the company's token.
It's a so-called "governance token",
so owning it typically doesn't give you
any stake in the company,
it just allows you to vote
on how the platform operates.
And for this particular token,
75% of the proceeds flow directly
to the Trumps as a fee.
And if you are thinking that that
sounds like a really easy way
to send money to Trump
to try and curry favor with him,
you'd be right about that!
Take Justin Sun.
He spent 75 million buying
those governance tokens,
which on one level,
probably shouldn't be surprising,
given he seems to have a habit
of buying some very dumb shit.
Another investor is Justin Sun,
the eccentric Chinese billionaire
It's yours, congratulations.
Thank you very much, indeed.
banana duct taped to a wall.
I'm not gonna say whether that
banana was actually worth 6.2 million.
I am not an art appraiser, I just
have the bitchy attitude of one.
The point is, that is the guy
who spent 75 million dollars
on World Liberty governance tokens,
as well as, by the way,
spending nearly 38 million
on Trump's memecoin.
And while that all sounds very stupid,
because in every important way,
it really is, it may not have been
a complete waste of money for Sun.
Because it turns out,
at the time Trump took office,
he was actually fighting a lawsuit
from the SEC
alleging he'd defrauded investors
by manipulating the price
of his Tron cryptocurrency
with fake trades.
Fun fact:
Tron also allegedly hosted
45% of all illicit crypto money flows
in 2023.
And while Tron insists
that it is taking steps
to prevent criminals from using
its technology for illegal activity,
you have to admit,
it is still pretty impressive that,
against all odds, it turns out
that the worst "Tron" is now
somehow no longer
the one starring Jared Leto.
But crucially, just after Sun began
plowing all that money
into Trump's crypto ventures,
the SEC paused its case against him.
And then in March,
this happened.
The government settling a fraud case
against crypto billionaire, Justin Sun.
The SEC saying that one of Sun's firms
is gonna pay 10 million in a penalty
but neither of the companies
will admit wrongdoing.
To put that 10 million fine in terms
that we can now all understand,
that is 1.6 bananas taped to a wall.
Now, Justin Sun has denied there was
any quid pro quo there.
But the thing is,
that sequence of events,
where someone helps World Liberty
Financial make money,
and then coincidentally gets something
they wanted all along,
is by no means a one-off.
Because a similar sequence of events
took place
with the company's so-called
"stablecoin", USD1.
Now, unlike memecoins, the price
of which can fluctuate wildly,
a stablecoin is supposed
to have a set monetary value.
So basically, one coin
should always be worth one dollar.
And this can be lucrative
for companies like World Liberty,
because when someone uses
real money to buy a stablecoin,
it can then invest that money into
Treasuries and earn interest on it.
That is why it was very good news
for Trump
that, as we've discussed before,
the founder of Binance,
the world's largest crypto exchange,
facilitated a massive 2 billion
purchase of USD1
by an investment fund
tied to the United Arab Emirates.
Now, at the time,
by sheer coincidence,
he was pursuing a presidential pardon
for a money laundering conviction,
which he eventually got.
While Binance and its founder will
insist that they did nothing wrong,
the fact is, that 2 billion transaction
was absolutely huge for World Liberty
because,
as crypto experts will point out,
it instantly made their stablecoin
seem much more legit.
So, it took World Liberty from
being a small project
that maybe was on the road map
after the election, purely for the name,
to being one of the largest
stablecoins in the world
in a single transaction.
So, it vaulted them from
small time to the big leagues.
The Emiratis entrusted two billion
to a currency that had been
on the market five weeks.
One source told us,
"It wasn't strange. It was nuts."
Right. And it sure seems like that was
due to the Trump connection,
because I'm not sure why else anyone
would put 2 billion worth of trust
in a company founded
by the dirtbag of the internet,
a walking restraining order,
and two brothers
who probably lost their shit
over the name "cheese balls".
"Wait. They're balls and they taste
like cheese! It's fucking genius!"
But that was only part of the story.
Because as I said,
the entity that actually put up
the 2 billion dollars
was an investment firm linked
to the government of the UAE,
a government, incidentally,
that very much wanted
to get its hands on advanced computer
chips made by U.S. companies.
Now, the Biden administration
had largely stymied that deal,
over fears that giving chips
to the UAE
could ultimately
lead to them getting to China.
But you will never guess what happened
after that crypto deal went through.
Two weeks after
the 2 billion transaction,
President Trump traveled to the UAE
for an official visit.
Yesterday, the two countries
also agreed to create a path
for UAE to buy some of the world's
most advanced AI semiconductors
from American companies,
a very big contract.
The U.S. then announced it would
allow the UAE to buy
hundreds of thousands
of Nvidia's advanced AI chips.
While there's no evidence
that one deal was explicitly
offered in return for the other,
the timing is extraordinary.
Sure! Let's go with "extraordinary".
It's not the word that I would use,
but it turns out,
my lawyers tell me that the word
that I actually want to use
would cost HBO a few million
in legal fees.
So,"extraordinary" it is then.
And the thing is, that may not even be
the most important link between
the UAE and World Liberty Financial.
Because it later emerged
that another transaction
had quietly happened right before
Trump came back into office.
Just days before Trump's second
inauguration,
the Journal reports 49%, nearly half
of the Trump family crypto company,
World Liberty Financial,
was purchased for 500 million dollars
by Sheikh Tahnoun bin
Zayed Al Nahyan,
who heads the United Arab Emirates'
state investment fund
and serves as national security advisor,
sometimes referred to as the Spy Sheik.
Oh, yeah, I forgot to mention.
The guy at the center of all of this
is apparently called
the "Spy Sheik".
Which, frankly, isn't great,
given that "Spy Sheik" sounds
like the title of a culturally insensitive
'90s thriller starring Steven Seagal.
The Spy Sheik is the brother
of UAE's president.
And he got that nickname because
he spent the last decade
as the country's national
security advisor,
even at one point becoming
"embroiled in a spying scandal
when it emerged that operatives
hired by the emirates
were targeting
human rights activists,"
including one "whose baby monitor
they hacked to spy on his family."
Which seems like the sort of thing you
would want to know before releasing,
I don't know, high-powered
computer chips to a country.
Although, for what it's worth,
hacking a baby monitor for spying
also doesn't make a lot of sense
to me.
No one is discussing
their political activist plans
while putting their baby to bed.
If a parent is saying anything,
it is whispering over and over again,
"I will pay you 1,000 dollars
to go to sleep right now."
But because World Liberty
is a private company,
we didn't even find out
about that investment
until the Wall Street Journal
reported it earlier this year,
even though that deal involves
a foreign government official
taking a major ownership stake in
an incoming U.S. president's company
and steering, at a minimum,
187 million to the president's family.
That is literally unprecedented
in American politics.
Now, I have to say: World Liberty
insists the company has no role in,
or influence on,
government policy.
And the White House told us
that the president
"only acts in the best interests
of the American public",
and there are no conflicts of interest.
Which, huge for this country, if true.
Meanwhile, Trump has insisted he does
not control his crypto investments
and, in fact,
he barely pays attention to them.
Mr. President,
Wall Street Journal reported
that the royal family of Abu Dhabi
invested hundreds of millions of dollars
in your World Liberty Financial.
Can you explain why you decided
to take that investment?
Well, I don't know about it.
I know that crypto is a big thing
and they like it. A lot of people
like it. The people behind me like it.
My sons are handling that.
My family is handling it.
And I guess they get investments
from different people.
Come the fuck on!
In most cases, I am willing to believe
that Trump doesn't talk to his sons,
especially considering
his wedding present to Don Jr.
was apparently to not show up,
but if there is anything that
binds the three of these men together,
it's loving money and having the beady
eyes of a Build-A-Bear
that's been banned
from entering Victoria's Secret.
So, when a deal comes up
that will put tens of millions
of dollars in their pockets,
it is really hard for me to believe
that Trump is unaware of it.
The point here is, it sure seems
like Trump's exploiting crypto's
sketchiness for maximum profit.
And importantly,
at the same time,
he's now making it much easier
for others to do the same.
We've shown you this clip before,
but at that Bitcoin conference,
the biggest cheer Trump got
came when he promised
to fire the then-head of the SEC, who
was seen to be too tough on crypto.
On day one, I will fire Gary Gensler
and appoint a new SEC chairman.
I didn't know
he was that unpopular!
I didn't know he was
that unpopular.
Let me say it again.
On day one,
I will fire Gary Gensler.
I gotta say, thank goodness
he only said that twice.
Because the way
that response escalated,
if he'd said
"I will fire Gary Gensler" a third time,
he would've floated out
of that room on a river of cum.
Now, Gensler,
seeing the writing on the wall,
stepped down
on Trump's first day back in office.
And in his place, Trump appointed
the very pro-crypto Paul Atkins.
And it is notable that,
when the Times looked into it,
it found the SEC had eased up
on more than 60%
of the crypto cases that were ongoing
when Trump returned to White House,
moving to pause litigation,
lessen penalties,
or outright dismiss the cases.
This administration is now trying
to lock in that lax regulatory
environment for the foreseeable future.
Because they,
along with the crypto industry,
are currently making a hard push
for a sweeping crypto bill
called the Clarity Act,
that would fundamentally reorder
how crypto is regulated,
largely shifting it out
of the purview of the SEC,
whose core mission includes
protecting investors,
and giving that authority instead
to the Commodity Futures
Trading Commission,
a short-staffed federal agency
with limited enforcement capacity
and no explicit mandate
to protect investors.
And if the Clarity Act passes,
the changes could be hard to undo.
One executive of a crypto
trade group has even said,
"It gets really hard
for the next administration,
whether it's Republican or Democrat,
to really change too much about it."
And that should be worrying here,
especially given that nothing in
the latest draft of the Clarity Act
would prevent Trump from
continuing to profit
from his memecoin
or other crypto ventures.
And look,
I know you might be saying,
"Why does any of this
matter to me?
I've been trying so hard to avoid
thinking about or dealing with crypto
right up until this point in my life."
But that is actually
sort of the problem here.
Because if these conflicts of interest
were as easy to understand
as something like Jimmy Carter
and his peanut farm,
I think there'd be a lot more alarm
about just how flagrantly corrupt
and compromised Trump looks here.
That is why we badly need proper
guardrails going forward.
But the Clarity Act
is just not the answer.
And until we find a better one,
maybe just assume
that if you see the Trump family
engaging in the future
in a major crypto deal, with an
embarrassingly unimaginative name,
some shady shit is likely going down.
Because if after hearing all this,
you truly believe that everyone
funneling money to Trump
through crypto,
including the Spy Sheikh,
expects nothing in return,
and is just making a sound,
rational business decision,
then frankly,
I have got a 6.2 million banana
that I would like to sell you.
And now, this.
And Now: More Delightfully
Bizarre Musings
from Phillies Color Commentator
John Kruk.
So, you know how I think of things
when I have free time and I shouldn't?
Yep.
- So, I was wondering.
- Yep?
The person
who invented the clock.
Yeah, which one?
The digital or the hand?
- The first clock ever.
- Okay.
How did that person know
what time it was?
Did I ever tell you we were cutting out
trees on my place in West Virginia
and some guy
started shooting at us?
I don't think
you did tell me that one.
That was fun. 25 pounds of pressure,
if someone is attacking you,
and you can rip their ear off.
They said it's the same amount
of pressure to open up a pickle jar.
Will you be going on the road any?
Yes, sir.
If you call me "sir" again
I'm gonna punch you.
Salad on a sandwich, it's like croutons.
The bread's the croutons.
And two to Suarez. Inside.
If I ever become a vegan, would
you just punch me in the face
as hard as you can?
So, we flew to Mexico City
and they left me there.
Now, this is when I was still
being looked at from the FBI.
So, I'm sure they had
a no-fly zone for me.
Some kid came up to me,
had to be like 19,
and didn't speak English.
He just asked me to come with him.
I'm like,
"Yeah, what the hell?" You know?
I got in the car with him, like,
"All right, I'm probably gonna
die, but it's been a good run."
We got time, John.
How much, though, Tom?
That's the big question.
We have lights, so we can go
as long as we want, really.
I don't think that's what
I was talking about.
I was trying
to get you off the topic.
Thank you.
I'm not depressed anymore.
Breaking ball, two and two.
Moving on. Before we go,
a quick word about the World Cup.
And by the way,
a big congratulations to Spain,
and an even bigger fuck you
to Argentina. Fuck you!
Fuck you so much!
You hurt me again!
You did it to me again!
The World Cup brought fans
from all over the globe,
and it was great to watch them
experience what America has to offer,
from this tweet from a Swedish fan
reading,
"Europe we need ranch ASAP",
to Erling Haaland returning
home with, among other things,
a taxidermied raccoon.
Jimothy, no!
But there was one place that
became something of a destination
for international visitors,
specifically, this.
Okay, we're inside Buc-ee's
and it has to be the biggest
gas station ever. It is huge.
It's like a supermarket rest area
on steroids, by the way.
You get a cup with unlimited
refills for a dollar.
It's bigger than my head.
What the fuck?
You've got everything.
A biscuit, a sausage biscuit,
sausage and egg cheese, bacon
egg cheese biscuit,
I might try that, because
I don't know what a biscuit is.
Now, to be fair, I didn't
actually know what a biscuit was
before I came to America either.
Because in England, a biscuit
is a cookie, while in the U.S.,
it's apparently a mound of butter
wearing a bread costume.
Still, madam, welcome to the first
day of the rest of your life.
A life that will now be both improved
and shortened, by biscuits.
If you're not familiar with Buc-ee's,
it's a gas station chain
originating in Texas,
where you can not only waterboard
your bladder with Dr. Pepper,
but where they famously do
everything to excess.
These days, Buc-ee's has 41 travel
centers throughout the South
and boasts two world records,
for the world's largest gas station and
the world's longest car wash.
Technicolor.
Haven't seen that before.
Okay, all right, calm down a bit.
Car washes jizz Pepto-Bismol
over your windows all the time.
It's what they do. But second,
if that is the world's longest car wash,
it probably also holds the record
for the world's longest awkward silence
after Sharon announced
she wanted a divorce.
Todd had already pulled in,
so there was no way out,
unlike their marriage.
But as you have already seen, Buc-ee's
is by no means just a gas station.
They also sell
an enormous array of food,
from jerky to fresh brisket
chopped right in front of you,
to over 20 rotating flavors of fudge,
to Buc-ee's famous Beaver Nuggets,
which look like beaver shits,
but actually taste
like caramel-flavored beaver shits.
Buc-ee's also claims to have
the "world's cleanest restrooms".
And to be fair,
they do look very nice!
Not only do they have multiple
toilet paper rolls to choose from,
in some locations, they even
put lights above each stall
to indicate if they're occupied,
a technology apparently
called "Tooshlights".
Which is an adorable name for
something that essentially tells you
whether or not someone is shitting
their brains out behind a closed door.
And crucially,
almost everything Buc-ee's sells
is branded with its mascot,
the Buc-ee's Beaver.
Not only is there a bronze version
of him in front of many stores,
he appears on merch like tumblers,
hats, magnets, Band-Aids,
stuffed animals, and even their own
Beaver Nugget-scented toilet spray.
And when you see all of that,
you do start to understand
why international travelers have been
so taken by Buc-ee's,
as it is quintessentially American:
it's gloriously weird, it's massive,
and it's also full of salty snacks
and red meat.
But unfortunately, there is something
else deeply American about Buc-ee's,
and that is this.
The Buc-ee's beaver
is fighting an alligator.
The popular stop for travelers
is taking San Antonio's Choke
Canyon Bar-B-Q restaurant
to federal court this week.
Buc-ee's claims the cartoon alligator
wearing a cowboy hat
is too similar to its logo
of a beaver wearing a baseball cap.
The mega gas station Buc-ee's
is suing another gas station chain
over alleged trademark infringement.
Attorneys for Buc-ee's argue
the Super Fuels logo
is a little too similar to Buc-ee's logo
and would probably confuse customers.
Buc-ee's has filed a trademark lawsuit
against Georgia-based Teddy's Market.
Teddy's is a gas station chain with
locations in Canton and Ball Ground.
Buc-ee's claims
Teddy's cartoon bear logo
is too similar to its famous beaver.
Yeah, it turns out, Buc-ee's
loves to sue other companies,
particularly those
with animal mascots.
They've filed over a dozen lawsuits
over the years,
and threatened a bunch more.
And to be fair, with some, you can
kind of see why they were mad.
For instance, Buc-ee's sued a clothing
company for selling these shirts
of what sure looks like their beaver
holding a machine gun.
And they threatened to sue
this store in Mexico
called "Buk-ii's," spelled
with a K and two I's,
and which featured
this as their mascot,
which looks like what a police
sketch artist would draw
if an eyewitness saw the real Buc-ee's
mascot committing a homicide.
Now, that store did eventually
wind up changing their sign
to look like this instead.
Which is just fantastic.
I love that they kept the "Buk-ii's"
part and just added "Mini Super" to it,
not addressing
the key problem at all,
while also changing their mascot
to what appears to be Chip 'n' Dale
if they got really into dirt bikes
and meth.
I have to say, other Buc-ee's lawsuits
seem more than a little excessive.
Take Choke Canyon, that chain
with the alligator logo.
Buc-ee's claimed that it infringed
on their beaver trademark
in part because of "the use of a black
circle encompassing the alligator",
the "use of a yellow background"
and the "use of the red-colored
tongue of the alligator",
compared to the red hat
on the beaver.
Which sounds like they're claiming
that they have legal ownership
of black circles, yellow backgrounds
and the color red.
And some of their more recent lawsuits
just seem like outright bullying.
Buc-ee's is currently suing
an Ohio chain called Mickey's,
whose logo they claimed
"incorporates a cartoon animal
facing right with wide eyes and a smile,
overlaying a round background,"
something they say "is likely to cause
confusion among consumers."
And please try and keep
that claim in mind
when I show you Mickey's actual
logo, because it is this.
And I would argue, if you get
confused between those two logos,
that is an issue with you.
Because one is a beaver
and one is a moose.
They are aggressively
different animals.
In fact, the first question a medic
should ask you
if they suspect that you have
a concussion should be,
"Is this moose also this beaver?"
If you answer yes, go straight
to the hospital, do not pass "go",
do not collect 200 dollars,
you are conked.
But that is not even close to all.
As you saw, they're also suing Teddy's,
a gas station with a koala mascot.
They claim Teddy's infringes on their
trademark for a variety of reasons,
including that "both names
are two-syllable words
beginning
with a hard consonant sound",
"have a second hard consonant
sound separating the syllables,
and both "end with an '-eez' sound."
They complain that "both characters
are arbitrarily wearing hats."
And honey, be serious. You cannot
trademark arbitrarily wearing a hat,
because if you could, Pharrell
would've already beaten you to it.
And if you thought all of those suits
were ridiculous,
just wait until you see this one.
Jarrad Hewett says his underwear line
is a hot commodity
inside the market
at North Park Mall.
His small business
is called Nut Huggers Apparel.
But the past few weeks have not
been funny for Hewett.
After sinking hundreds of thousands
of dollars into his business
and finally seeing it succeed, he was
shocked by an email from Buc-ee's.
The initial request came in
a little hot and heavy.
They suggested
that they owned all cartoon rodents.
Come on, Buc-ee's!
You don't own all cartoon rodents.
You think you own Mickey Mouse,
Minnie Mouse, Stuart Little,
the beavers from "Angry Beavers",
Pinky and the Brain, Rocky,
Chuck E. Cheese, Rufus the naked
mole rat, Templeton, or Jerry?
You think you own
these two cartoon rodents,
frozen in the midst
of sexual ecstasy?
Because I've got news for you:
you don't. I do. I own those rats.
But that wasn't all, because when
they started going back and forth,
Buc-ee's had a pretty broad range
of demands.
Buc-ee's stated Hewett's logo
was a trademark infringement
because it uses "a cartoon brown
rodent character,
smiling with buck teeth,
in various depictions."
Buc-ee's demanded Hewett stop
using cartoons, rodents,
the colors red, yellow, and brown,
no baseball hats,
and only front-facing images.
Hewitt says he emailed back,
saying he would stop using specific
colors and a side profile of his logo,
but even then it was not enough.
Look, that is clearly just ridiculous.
For one thing,
if "front-facing images"
are apparently okay,
why the fuck did Buc-ee's go
after the Teddy's koala?
That bear is looking you
right in the eyes.
He's peering into your very soul!
And Buc-ee's constant complaints
that no one else has the right
to use animal logos
isn't just absurd on its face,
it gets actively irritating
when you see this interview
with the company's founder,
Arch "Beaver" Aplin, in which
he explains both his name
and his inspiration for Buc-ee's.
Beaver was my nickname. My mom
named me that when I was born.
Bucky Beaver Space Guard!
It was a cartoon character way back,
really before my time.
A toothpaste commercial,
and he was Bucky Beaver.
So, this fellow always
called me Bucky Beaver growing up.
Wait, wait, hold on.
So, you are telling me
he ripped his company's whole deal
from a toothpaste rodent?
Because
that's the same fucking beaver
I've been looking at
for the past 10 minutes!
Buc-ee's is trying to say an alligator
looks too similar to its beaver,
meanwhile these two look like
the fucking Property Brothers!
And incredibly, to date,
Buc-ee's has won nearly
all of the cases that it's brought,
usually because other companies
opt to settle and redesign their logos,
or just fold completely.
And that is probably because
most just don't have the resources
to fight a company this big.
But Buc-ee's should be careful here,
because as one legal expert has said,
"The more you do this, the more
you might run into somebody
who has the means or the will
to fight with you about it."
And that is where we come in.
Because it turns out,
we very much have the will
to get into a fight with Buc-ee's.
We also happen to already
have a rodent mascot on hand:
one Mr. Nutterbutter, who's helpfully
no stranger to frivolous lawsuits.
And you know what?
We realized that after all this time,
Mr. Nutterbutter doesn't have his own
logo, which didn't seem right to us.
So, we made one for him. And let me
walk you through our design process.
First, we came up with this image
that depicts Mr. Nutterbutter
as a cartoon animal
with wide eyes and a smile,
facing right, a direction
that just seemed natural for him.
But it still felt like it still
needed a splash of color.
So, we made his tongue red,
and then we chose to encompass
Mr.Nutterbutter in a black circle
with a yellow background.
And at that point, the only thing
that it felt it really needed
was some text below the logo.
So, we decided to go with this.
We liked the phrase "Buc-off"
mainly because it's a two-syllable word
comprised of six letters, beginning
with a hard consonant sound
and a second hard consonant
sound separating the syllables.
And finally, we realized:
what is the point of having a logo
as eye-catching as this
if we don't then put it on stuff
to sell?
Which is why I'm so happy to announce
that you can now buy this image
on a variety of products,
from tumblers, to hats, to shirts,
to onesies, to mugs, to pajamas,
to umbrellas, to stickers,
to socks, to, of course, underwear.
You can buy any or all
of these items for a limited time
at Buc-dash-Off-dot-com,
with all profits
going to Hunger Free America.
So, if any prominent gas station chain
out there has an issue
with our new logo and products
and wants to get lawyers involved,
then you know what?
Bring it the fuck on.
Although, remember:
in doing so,
you'd be directly taking food
out of hungry people's mouths.
And it's also worth knowing
that Mr. Nutterbutter
currently has a perfect record in court
and the last guy who sued us
over him is technically dead now.
That is not a threat!
That's not a threat,
it's just an objective fact.
So, at this point, Buc-ee's, I guess
the Beaver Nugget is in your court.
The next move is yours.
And I'm anxious to see
what it's gonna be!
And you know who else
is looking forward to finding out?
This guy!
- He's here!
- Hi, everybody!
- He's back! Hey, buddy!
- Hi, John!
It's so great to see you,
Mr. Nutterbutter.
Can I ask,
why are you wearing that hat?
I don't know.
It seems completely arbitrary!
Yeah. That's right.
You're arbitrarily wearing a hat!
And if you want a hat
just like Mr. Nutterbutter's,
all you have to do is go
to Buc-dash-Off-dot-com!
Remember,
Christmas is only five months away.
Why not go buck wild?
That is our show,
thank you so much for watching,
we'll see you next week, good night!
Buddy, welcome home!
Shall we?
I'm John Oliver. Thank you so much
for joining us. We are back!
And we missed a lot
over the last few weeks.
A parasitic infection has caused
explosive diarrhea across the country,
Lindsey Graham died,
and Mitch McConnell maybe didn't?
Graham Platner dropped out
of Maine's Senate race,
the U.K. got a new prime minister,
OpenAI said its AI went rogue
and launched
an unprecedented cyber attack,
and Iran's new leader is now
apparently more open
to pursuing a nuclear weapon.
And yet, somehow, in the midst
of all that, this happened too.
A peculiar little raccoon is taking
the internet by storm,
and now he's become
an unlikely celebrity in Seattle.
It looks like he was squished up
and hunched over.
Perched there on the fencepost,
this unusual yet adorable fur ball
is none other than Jimothy.
Yeah, you heard that right.
He's got a name,
and the internet has identified him
as a short-spined raccoon.
He's become somewhat
of an international sensation.
I think Jimothy has come to us
at a time
where everyone just needs
something to rally around.
Yes, he has! We needed
this busted raccoon so bad!
And people have gone to town
celebrating him, from the fact
that, if you Google "Jimothy",
an animated version
scurries across your screen,
to the Seattle Mariners putting up
the phrase "make noise for Jimothy"
on their jumbotron.
It turns out, the world
is such a mess right now,
the only thing
that could truly unite us
was a disheveled raccoon with
the posture of an arthritic bog witch.
Jimothy is not the hero we need,
but he is the hero we deserve.
But rather than focus on everything
we've missed over the last few weeks,
we're actually gonna dive straight in
with our main story this week,
which concerns Donald Trump,
a man who,
offense very much meant,
looks like he's slowly
turning into Mrs. Doubtfire.
Specifically, we're gonna look
at something
Trump's dedicated a lot of attention
to over the last few years: crypto.
He's even called himself
the "first crypto president",
which is a pretty big turnaround,
given that just five years ago,
he not only called Bitcoin
"a scam",
he was also
giving interviews like this.
Do you ever dabble
in Bitcoin or cryptos?
I don't. I like the currency
of the United States.
I think the others are potentially
a disaster waiting to happen.
I don't know. I feel that
it hurts the United States currency.
We should be invested
They may be fake.
Who knows what they are.
Yeah, Trump was not a big fan
of "cryptos" back then.
And that conversation
is basically what you would expect
from two septuagenarians
talking about Bitcoin.
It has the same vibe
of cranky befuddlement
as Statler asking Waldorf what
he thinks of ethical non-monogamy.
Stu Varney in particular there
sounds like a grandpa
desperately trying to find something to
talk about with his teenage grandson.
So, you dabble in the cryptos?
Are you on the TikToks?
I saw on the evening news
that Charli D'Armadillo
is pretty popular right now.
Please just say anything to me,
I'm gonna be dead in five years.
But since then, Trump's had a pretty
significant change of heart,
to the point that, in 2024,
he delivered the keynote
at a Bitcoin convention
where he said this.
Those who say that Bitcoin
is a threat to the dollar
have the story exactly backwards.
I believe it is exactly backwards.
This afternoon, I'm laying out my plan
to ensure that the United States
will be
the crypto capital of the planet
and the Bitcoin superpower
of the world, and we'll get it done.
And Bitcoin is going to the moon,
as we say, it's going the moon.
I want America to be
the nation that leads the way,
and that's what's going to happen.
Now, if you are not a crypto person,
"going to the moon"
is a catchphrase in that world.
Which is a little weird,
as I always assumed the official
catchphrase for crypto was
"a first date conversation's
worst nightmare."
And while there are
several possible explanations
for why Trump made such a 180
on crypto,
including that he saw an industry
willing to spend a shitload
to help him get elected,
I'd argue the biggest one
is probably that Trump realized
just how much money
he personally could end up making
from dealing with a speculative asset,
because it's turned out to be a lot.
His recent financial filings show that,
in just his first year back in office,
his personal income surged
to more than 2.2 billion,
most of which came from his
family's crypto businesses,
which brought in about 1.4 billion.
In fact, crypto's become the Trump
family's dominant business interest,
overshadowing
their real estate empire
and every other business
they have ever had.
And as this ethics attorney explains,
there is a crucial difference
between crypto
and all Trump's other ventures.
President Trump has sold steaks,
he's sold gold sneakers, Bibles.
How is this any different?
At least
those had some intrinsic value.
This is like a perfect vehicle
to funnel money
to him and his family
to enrich them.
Right. Although, personally,
I do take issue with the idea
that the Trump steak or sneakers
held any intrinsic value.
Because if, gun to my head, I had to eat
one and wear the other on my foot,
I'm picking shoe for food
and steak for shoe.
As for Trump's Bibles,
I'll just point out
that the website that sold them had
a question on their FAQ that said,
"What if my Bible has sticky pages?"
which could only get more off-putting
if the answer provided
was just, "Blame Craig."
So, given all that, tonight,
let's talk about Trump,
his crypto holdings,
and what they mean for all of us.
And right off the bat, I should say,
Trump and his family
have a truly absurd number
of crypto-related ventures
involved
in all sorts of business deals,
to the point that those
who've tried keeping track of them
have wound up
making diagrams like this.
Which looks so intricate,
it's like someone tried to map out
all the relationships
on "Vanderpump Rules".
A solid line is dating,
a dashed line is exes,
and a dotted line is hand stuff.
And don't worry,
we are not going to talk
about all the Trump family's
crypto involvements, for instance,
I will spare you the details about
Eric Trump's Bitcoin-mining company,
except to show you this clip of him
explaining the brilliant way
he helped his partners come up
with its name.
I'll never forget saying to them,
"It's got to have two words in it.
It has to have 'America'
and it has to have 'Bitcoin.'"
And one of the two guys said,
"Listen, Eric. American Bitcoin.
That's got to be the name."
Holy shit, Eric, that is so smart.
I mean, if I were naming
an American Bitcoin company,
I'd have probably said the words you
had to use were "Albania" and "giraffe".
But I guess that's why I'm not
a business genius like Eric Trump is.
Instead, I'm going to focus
on just two of the Trump family's
major crypto ventures,
and I'll describe them the way I'm sure
he describes his oldest sons,
specifically,
the big one and the dumb one.
And let's start with the dumb one:
Trump's memecoins.
Memecoins are basically online jokes
converted into digital money,
which are worth only what people
are willing to pay for them.
You're probably aware of memecoins
like Dogecoin, Shiba Inu, and Fartcoin,
a name I'm honestly shocked
Eric Trump didn't come up with.
"I'll never forget saying, 'Listen,
it's got to have two words in it.
It has to have 'fart'
and it has to have 'coin'.
And they said, 'Eric, Fartcoin.
That's got to be the name.'"
And as this analyst points out,
the whole value of a memecoin
is built on its novelty.
It is a coin that means nothing.
It is like buying a Pet Rock,
except you don't even get a rock.
It has no value,
it has no trading value,
it's not used in commerce, nothing.
Right. Although, at the same time,
let's try and put some respect
on the Pet Rock's name.
It was the idea of Gary Dahl,
who sold enough
to become a millionaire
in the '70s in basically one year.
He bought a bunch of smooth rocks
from a builder's supply store in Mexico
for a penny apiece
and sold them for around 4 dollars,
which in today's money
is 25 dollars.
And think about that.
Two years after an oil crisis,
and in the midst of a recession,
this guy convinced a bunch of,
I can only assume, coked-out lunatics
to pay the equivalent of multiple hours
of their wages to buy a Pet Rock.
Then Gary cashed out
and fucked off into the horizon.
Nothing has touched the marketing
brilliance of the Pet Rock.
In fact, everyone in this audience,
look under your seats right now!
I'm just kidding, I'm kidding,
HBO doesn't have rock money
anymore. Are you crazy?
The point is, most memecoins,
seemingly by design,
basically follow the trajectory
of pump-and-dump schemes:
they spike in value when they first
come out and then immediately crash,
with insiders selling at the peak.
And in Trump's case, just three days
before his second inauguration,
he launched the Trump memecoin,
in a social media post
where he told everyone
to "have fun".
Two days later, on the eve
of the inauguration,
Melania launched her own memecoin
with this social media post,
which looks like she's dropping
an album of Adele covers.
And while it is by no means
the worst part,
maybe they should've workshopped
the name of her coin a bit more
so that it doesn't read
as "smellania".
Anyway,
when Trump's coin first launched,
many in the crypto community
genuinely couldn't believe it.
It was one of the craziest nights
I've ever experienced in crypto ever.
Like, it was nuts, because
no one believed that it was real.
Everyone thought it was a scam.
Everyone thought
that his account was hacked.
As far as Trump's account getting
hacked: how could you even tell?
Remember, this is a man
who's posted this depiction of himself
taking a selfie with a lion, this one
of him as the anime character Naruto,
and this, walking with a distractingly
ripped alien in handcuffs.
Honestly, the only thing that'd make me
think Trump might've been hacked
is if he suddenly posted a normal,
coherent sentence
without any randomly
capitalized words.
And unsurprisingly,
the Trump coins then did exactly
what memecoins tend to do:
they initially skyrocketed
in valuation,
soaring so high that, for a few hours,
the Trumps and their business partners
were sitting
on at least 50 billion worth of it.
But then, inevitably,
they crashed, and hard.
In fact, by the following December,
Trump's coin
was down 92% since its peak,
while Smellania was down 99%,
almost a complete wipeout in value.
But Trump himself walked away
with a 636 million payout.
And one of the weirder interludes
in his coin's journey
actually came last year,
when Trump managed
to briefly juice his coin's value up
a bit by holding
an "intimate private dinner"
for its 220 top holders,
and in doing so, he was basically
offering access to the White House
in exchange for an investment
in one of his crypto ventures.
A former special counsel to Obama
even called the dinner
"an ethics nightmare".
Though some of the attendees,
like this guy,
who had roughly half a million
dollars tied up in the Trump coin,
did leave feeling a little scammed.
Going into this dinner,
I was hoping
to at least get a picture with Trump
or actually do a TikTok.
So, I was hoping to maybe do a trend
or some short video with him,
maybe like, 15 seconds.
It's not gonna take much of his time.
I just got to the Trump dinner.
Trump came,
gave a speech for I think exactly
23 minutes, and then he left.
His helicopter was right back there.
Left pretty quickly,
didn't stay for the dinner. Maybe
he'll come back, you never know.
I think you already know this,
but he didn't come back.
And I'm honestly
racking my brain right now,
trying to find
a single ounce of sympathy
for someone who purchased
a bunch of Trump's memecoin
to attend a dinner where his main
goal was, and I quote,
to "do a TikTok with Trump."
But I've got nothing.
I refuse to feel sadness
for someone who's seemingly chosen
to sit in a Lamborghini dealership
and dressed themselves like
the second coming of Limp Bizkit.
I can't do it. I can't do it!
But while that dinner may have been
a bust for those who attended it,
shortly after it was announced,
Trump coin jumped approximately 30%.
And look, we don't know if Trump
sold any coins during that bump,
or indeed if anyone involved
with it did.
But the very fact we don't know
is part of the problem here.
Because it clearly doesn't look good
for a president to be involved
in something like that.
Jimmy Carter famously chose to put
his peanut farm in a blind trust
to avoid perceived
conflicts of interest.
And it is a little weird that,
to go by Trump's standards,
if he'd just invented
his own novelty currency instead
called "Jimbo's Nut Bucks", people
would've probably been fine with it.
And it is worth remembering:
while Trump personally
made hundreds of millions of dollars
with this nonsense, people got hurt.
Nearly a million people who bought
into the coin lost money,
with their losses totaling
over 3.8 billion.
And while one of them was this guy,
so you can't be 100% mad,
it is still pretty shitty.
But Trump's memecoin
is just the tip of the iceberg here.
Which actually brings us to his
family's biggest crypto venture:
World Liberty Financial,
the business that Trump
and his sons co-founded
and announced
just weeks before the last election.
Unsurprisingly, his sons again brought
their incredible business acumen
to naming the company.
We call it the World Liberty
because of the liberty aspect of it,
but also because of the world
aspect of it, right?
Yeah. You know,
that's such a good point, isn't it?
It's called World Liberty Financial
because of the liberty aspect,
but also the world aspect
and you know what,
don't forget the financial aspect, too.
It really is the perfect
combination of aspects.
Now, we briefly touched on
World Liberty shortly after it launched
in our segment
on Trump's businesses,
pointing out that its co-founders
include the human Axe body spray cans
Zak Folkman and Chase Herro.
If you didn't see that segment,
just know,
Folkman used to teach cringe-inducing
classes on how to pick up women
called "Date Hotter Girls,"
and Herro has described himself
as "the dirtbag of the internet"
and once described crypto like this.
wrapped in piss,
covered in human skin for
a billion dollars if the story is right.
Because people will buy it, and that is
what is going on in the crypto space.
And like I said in my other video,
I'm not going to question
the right and the wrong of all that,
all I'm saying is, as a human being,
you have that ability to make
Okay, there are a lot of things
that I want to say about that,
but first and foremost:
now is not the time to be talking
with your hands, Chase.
Let's put them at 10:00 and
2:00, you Ed Hardy nightmare.
Now, since launching
World Liberty Financial,
the Trumps have raked
in huge amounts of money,
meaning that that one company
is now worth more to their family
than any other business,
including their stake in Trump Media
and even Mar-a-Lago.
They've achieved this by giving people
a number of different ways to buy in.
The first is through purchasing
the company's token.
It's a so-called "governance token",
so owning it typically doesn't give you
any stake in the company,
it just allows you to vote
on how the platform operates.
And for this particular token,
75% of the proceeds flow directly
to the Trumps as a fee.
And if you are thinking that that
sounds like a really easy way
to send money to Trump
to try and curry favor with him,
you'd be right about that!
Take Justin Sun.
He spent 75 million buying
those governance tokens,
which on one level,
probably shouldn't be surprising,
given he seems to have a habit
of buying some very dumb shit.
Another investor is Justin Sun,
the eccentric Chinese billionaire
It's yours, congratulations.
Thank you very much, indeed.
banana duct taped to a wall.
I'm not gonna say whether that
banana was actually worth 6.2 million.
I am not an art appraiser, I just
have the bitchy attitude of one.
The point is, that is the guy
who spent 75 million dollars
on World Liberty governance tokens,
as well as, by the way,
spending nearly 38 million
on Trump's memecoin.
And while that all sounds very stupid,
because in every important way,
it really is, it may not have been
a complete waste of money for Sun.
Because it turns out,
at the time Trump took office,
he was actually fighting a lawsuit
from the SEC
alleging he'd defrauded investors
by manipulating the price
of his Tron cryptocurrency
with fake trades.
Fun fact:
Tron also allegedly hosted
45% of all illicit crypto money flows
in 2023.
And while Tron insists
that it is taking steps
to prevent criminals from using
its technology for illegal activity,
you have to admit,
it is still pretty impressive that,
against all odds, it turns out
that the worst "Tron" is now
somehow no longer
the one starring Jared Leto.
But crucially, just after Sun began
plowing all that money
into Trump's crypto ventures,
the SEC paused its case against him.
And then in March,
this happened.
The government settling a fraud case
against crypto billionaire, Justin Sun.
The SEC saying that one of Sun's firms
is gonna pay 10 million in a penalty
but neither of the companies
will admit wrongdoing.
To put that 10 million fine in terms
that we can now all understand,
that is 1.6 bananas taped to a wall.
Now, Justin Sun has denied there was
any quid pro quo there.
But the thing is,
that sequence of events,
where someone helps World Liberty
Financial make money,
and then coincidentally gets something
they wanted all along,
is by no means a one-off.
Because a similar sequence of events
took place
with the company's so-called
"stablecoin", USD1.
Now, unlike memecoins, the price
of which can fluctuate wildly,
a stablecoin is supposed
to have a set monetary value.
So basically, one coin
should always be worth one dollar.
And this can be lucrative
for companies like World Liberty,
because when someone uses
real money to buy a stablecoin,
it can then invest that money into
Treasuries and earn interest on it.
That is why it was very good news
for Trump
that, as we've discussed before,
the founder of Binance,
the world's largest crypto exchange,
facilitated a massive 2 billion
purchase of USD1
by an investment fund
tied to the United Arab Emirates.
Now, at the time,
by sheer coincidence,
he was pursuing a presidential pardon
for a money laundering conviction,
which he eventually got.
While Binance and its founder will
insist that they did nothing wrong,
the fact is, that 2 billion transaction
was absolutely huge for World Liberty
because,
as crypto experts will point out,
it instantly made their stablecoin
seem much more legit.
So, it took World Liberty from
being a small project
that maybe was on the road map
after the election, purely for the name,
to being one of the largest
stablecoins in the world
in a single transaction.
So, it vaulted them from
small time to the big leagues.
The Emiratis entrusted two billion
to a currency that had been
on the market five weeks.
One source told us,
"It wasn't strange. It was nuts."
Right. And it sure seems like that was
due to the Trump connection,
because I'm not sure why else anyone
would put 2 billion worth of trust
in a company founded
by the dirtbag of the internet,
a walking restraining order,
and two brothers
who probably lost their shit
over the name "cheese balls".
"Wait. They're balls and they taste
like cheese! It's fucking genius!"
But that was only part of the story.
Because as I said,
the entity that actually put up
the 2 billion dollars
was an investment firm linked
to the government of the UAE,
a government, incidentally,
that very much wanted
to get its hands on advanced computer
chips made by U.S. companies.
Now, the Biden administration
had largely stymied that deal,
over fears that giving chips
to the UAE
could ultimately
lead to them getting to China.
But you will never guess what happened
after that crypto deal went through.
Two weeks after
the 2 billion transaction,
President Trump traveled to the UAE
for an official visit.
Yesterday, the two countries
also agreed to create a path
for UAE to buy some of the world's
most advanced AI semiconductors
from American companies,
a very big contract.
The U.S. then announced it would
allow the UAE to buy
hundreds of thousands
of Nvidia's advanced AI chips.
While there's no evidence
that one deal was explicitly
offered in return for the other,
the timing is extraordinary.
Sure! Let's go with "extraordinary".
It's not the word that I would use,
but it turns out,
my lawyers tell me that the word
that I actually want to use
would cost HBO a few million
in legal fees.
So,"extraordinary" it is then.
And the thing is, that may not even be
the most important link between
the UAE and World Liberty Financial.
Because it later emerged
that another transaction
had quietly happened right before
Trump came back into office.
Just days before Trump's second
inauguration,
the Journal reports 49%, nearly half
of the Trump family crypto company,
World Liberty Financial,
was purchased for 500 million dollars
by Sheikh Tahnoun bin
Zayed Al Nahyan,
who heads the United Arab Emirates'
state investment fund
and serves as national security advisor,
sometimes referred to as the Spy Sheik.
Oh, yeah, I forgot to mention.
The guy at the center of all of this
is apparently called
the "Spy Sheik".
Which, frankly, isn't great,
given that "Spy Sheik" sounds
like the title of a culturally insensitive
'90s thriller starring Steven Seagal.
The Spy Sheik is the brother
of UAE's president.
And he got that nickname because
he spent the last decade
as the country's national
security advisor,
even at one point becoming
"embroiled in a spying scandal
when it emerged that operatives
hired by the emirates
were targeting
human rights activists,"
including one "whose baby monitor
they hacked to spy on his family."
Which seems like the sort of thing you
would want to know before releasing,
I don't know, high-powered
computer chips to a country.
Although, for what it's worth,
hacking a baby monitor for spying
also doesn't make a lot of sense
to me.
No one is discussing
their political activist plans
while putting their baby to bed.
If a parent is saying anything,
it is whispering over and over again,
"I will pay you 1,000 dollars
to go to sleep right now."
But because World Liberty
is a private company,
we didn't even find out
about that investment
until the Wall Street Journal
reported it earlier this year,
even though that deal involves
a foreign government official
taking a major ownership stake in
an incoming U.S. president's company
and steering, at a minimum,
187 million to the president's family.
That is literally unprecedented
in American politics.
Now, I have to say: World Liberty
insists the company has no role in,
or influence on,
government policy.
And the White House told us
that the president
"only acts in the best interests
of the American public",
and there are no conflicts of interest.
Which, huge for this country, if true.
Meanwhile, Trump has insisted he does
not control his crypto investments
and, in fact,
he barely pays attention to them.
Mr. President,
Wall Street Journal reported
that the royal family of Abu Dhabi
invested hundreds of millions of dollars
in your World Liberty Financial.
Can you explain why you decided
to take that investment?
Well, I don't know about it.
I know that crypto is a big thing
and they like it. A lot of people
like it. The people behind me like it.
My sons are handling that.
My family is handling it.
And I guess they get investments
from different people.
Come the fuck on!
In most cases, I am willing to believe
that Trump doesn't talk to his sons,
especially considering
his wedding present to Don Jr.
was apparently to not show up,
but if there is anything that
binds the three of these men together,
it's loving money and having the beady
eyes of a Build-A-Bear
that's been banned
from entering Victoria's Secret.
So, when a deal comes up
that will put tens of millions
of dollars in their pockets,
it is really hard for me to believe
that Trump is unaware of it.
The point here is, it sure seems
like Trump's exploiting crypto's
sketchiness for maximum profit.
And importantly,
at the same time,
he's now making it much easier
for others to do the same.
We've shown you this clip before,
but at that Bitcoin conference,
the biggest cheer Trump got
came when he promised
to fire the then-head of the SEC, who
was seen to be too tough on crypto.
On day one, I will fire Gary Gensler
and appoint a new SEC chairman.
I didn't know
he was that unpopular!
I didn't know he was
that unpopular.
Let me say it again.
On day one,
I will fire Gary Gensler.
I gotta say, thank goodness
he only said that twice.
Because the way
that response escalated,
if he'd said
"I will fire Gary Gensler" a third time,
he would've floated out
of that room on a river of cum.
Now, Gensler,
seeing the writing on the wall,
stepped down
on Trump's first day back in office.
And in his place, Trump appointed
the very pro-crypto Paul Atkins.
And it is notable that,
when the Times looked into it,
it found the SEC had eased up
on more than 60%
of the crypto cases that were ongoing
when Trump returned to White House,
moving to pause litigation,
lessen penalties,
or outright dismiss the cases.
This administration is now trying
to lock in that lax regulatory
environment for the foreseeable future.
Because they,
along with the crypto industry,
are currently making a hard push
for a sweeping crypto bill
called the Clarity Act,
that would fundamentally reorder
how crypto is regulated,
largely shifting it out
of the purview of the SEC,
whose core mission includes
protecting investors,
and giving that authority instead
to the Commodity Futures
Trading Commission,
a short-staffed federal agency
with limited enforcement capacity
and no explicit mandate
to protect investors.
And if the Clarity Act passes,
the changes could be hard to undo.
One executive of a crypto
trade group has even said,
"It gets really hard
for the next administration,
whether it's Republican or Democrat,
to really change too much about it."
And that should be worrying here,
especially given that nothing in
the latest draft of the Clarity Act
would prevent Trump from
continuing to profit
from his memecoin
or other crypto ventures.
And look,
I know you might be saying,
"Why does any of this
matter to me?
I've been trying so hard to avoid
thinking about or dealing with crypto
right up until this point in my life."
But that is actually
sort of the problem here.
Because if these conflicts of interest
were as easy to understand
as something like Jimmy Carter
and his peanut farm,
I think there'd be a lot more alarm
about just how flagrantly corrupt
and compromised Trump looks here.
That is why we badly need proper
guardrails going forward.
But the Clarity Act
is just not the answer.
And until we find a better one,
maybe just assume
that if you see the Trump family
engaging in the future
in a major crypto deal, with an
embarrassingly unimaginative name,
some shady shit is likely going down.
Because if after hearing all this,
you truly believe that everyone
funneling money to Trump
through crypto,
including the Spy Sheikh,
expects nothing in return,
and is just making a sound,
rational business decision,
then frankly,
I have got a 6.2 million banana
that I would like to sell you.
And now, this.
And Now: More Delightfully
Bizarre Musings
from Phillies Color Commentator
John Kruk.
So, you know how I think of things
when I have free time and I shouldn't?
Yep.
- So, I was wondering.
- Yep?
The person
who invented the clock.
Yeah, which one?
The digital or the hand?
- The first clock ever.
- Okay.
How did that person know
what time it was?
Did I ever tell you we were cutting out
trees on my place in West Virginia
and some guy
started shooting at us?
I don't think
you did tell me that one.
That was fun. 25 pounds of pressure,
if someone is attacking you,
and you can rip their ear off.
They said it's the same amount
of pressure to open up a pickle jar.
Will you be going on the road any?
Yes, sir.
If you call me "sir" again
I'm gonna punch you.
Salad on a sandwich, it's like croutons.
The bread's the croutons.
And two to Suarez. Inside.
If I ever become a vegan, would
you just punch me in the face
as hard as you can?
So, we flew to Mexico City
and they left me there.
Now, this is when I was still
being looked at from the FBI.
So, I'm sure they had
a no-fly zone for me.
Some kid came up to me,
had to be like 19,
and didn't speak English.
He just asked me to come with him.
I'm like,
"Yeah, what the hell?" You know?
I got in the car with him, like,
"All right, I'm probably gonna
die, but it's been a good run."
We got time, John.
How much, though, Tom?
That's the big question.
We have lights, so we can go
as long as we want, really.
I don't think that's what
I was talking about.
I was trying
to get you off the topic.
Thank you.
I'm not depressed anymore.
Breaking ball, two and two.
Moving on. Before we go,
a quick word about the World Cup.
And by the way,
a big congratulations to Spain,
and an even bigger fuck you
to Argentina. Fuck you!
Fuck you so much!
You hurt me again!
You did it to me again!
The World Cup brought fans
from all over the globe,
and it was great to watch them
experience what America has to offer,
from this tweet from a Swedish fan
reading,
"Europe we need ranch ASAP",
to Erling Haaland returning
home with, among other things,
a taxidermied raccoon.
Jimothy, no!
But there was one place that
became something of a destination
for international visitors,
specifically, this.
Okay, we're inside Buc-ee's
and it has to be the biggest
gas station ever. It is huge.
It's like a supermarket rest area
on steroids, by the way.
You get a cup with unlimited
refills for a dollar.
It's bigger than my head.
What the fuck?
You've got everything.
A biscuit, a sausage biscuit,
sausage and egg cheese, bacon
egg cheese biscuit,
I might try that, because
I don't know what a biscuit is.
Now, to be fair, I didn't
actually know what a biscuit was
before I came to America either.
Because in England, a biscuit
is a cookie, while in the U.S.,
it's apparently a mound of butter
wearing a bread costume.
Still, madam, welcome to the first
day of the rest of your life.
A life that will now be both improved
and shortened, by biscuits.
If you're not familiar with Buc-ee's,
it's a gas station chain
originating in Texas,
where you can not only waterboard
your bladder with Dr. Pepper,
but where they famously do
everything to excess.
These days, Buc-ee's has 41 travel
centers throughout the South
and boasts two world records,
for the world's largest gas station and
the world's longest car wash.
Technicolor.
Haven't seen that before.
Okay, all right, calm down a bit.
Car washes jizz Pepto-Bismol
over your windows all the time.
It's what they do. But second,
if that is the world's longest car wash,
it probably also holds the record
for the world's longest awkward silence
after Sharon announced
she wanted a divorce.
Todd had already pulled in,
so there was no way out,
unlike their marriage.
But as you have already seen, Buc-ee's
is by no means just a gas station.
They also sell
an enormous array of food,
from jerky to fresh brisket
chopped right in front of you,
to over 20 rotating flavors of fudge,
to Buc-ee's famous Beaver Nuggets,
which look like beaver shits,
but actually taste
like caramel-flavored beaver shits.
Buc-ee's also claims to have
the "world's cleanest restrooms".
And to be fair,
they do look very nice!
Not only do they have multiple
toilet paper rolls to choose from,
in some locations, they even
put lights above each stall
to indicate if they're occupied,
a technology apparently
called "Tooshlights".
Which is an adorable name for
something that essentially tells you
whether or not someone is shitting
their brains out behind a closed door.
And crucially,
almost everything Buc-ee's sells
is branded with its mascot,
the Buc-ee's Beaver.
Not only is there a bronze version
of him in front of many stores,
he appears on merch like tumblers,
hats, magnets, Band-Aids,
stuffed animals, and even their own
Beaver Nugget-scented toilet spray.
And when you see all of that,
you do start to understand
why international travelers have been
so taken by Buc-ee's,
as it is quintessentially American:
it's gloriously weird, it's massive,
and it's also full of salty snacks
and red meat.
But unfortunately, there is something
else deeply American about Buc-ee's,
and that is this.
The Buc-ee's beaver
is fighting an alligator.
The popular stop for travelers
is taking San Antonio's Choke
Canyon Bar-B-Q restaurant
to federal court this week.
Buc-ee's claims the cartoon alligator
wearing a cowboy hat
is too similar to its logo
of a beaver wearing a baseball cap.
The mega gas station Buc-ee's
is suing another gas station chain
over alleged trademark infringement.
Attorneys for Buc-ee's argue
the Super Fuels logo
is a little too similar to Buc-ee's logo
and would probably confuse customers.
Buc-ee's has filed a trademark lawsuit
against Georgia-based Teddy's Market.
Teddy's is a gas station chain with
locations in Canton and Ball Ground.
Buc-ee's claims
Teddy's cartoon bear logo
is too similar to its famous beaver.
Yeah, it turns out, Buc-ee's
loves to sue other companies,
particularly those
with animal mascots.
They've filed over a dozen lawsuits
over the years,
and threatened a bunch more.
And to be fair, with some, you can
kind of see why they were mad.
For instance, Buc-ee's sued a clothing
company for selling these shirts
of what sure looks like their beaver
holding a machine gun.
And they threatened to sue
this store in Mexico
called "Buk-ii's," spelled
with a K and two I's,
and which featured
this as their mascot,
which looks like what a police
sketch artist would draw
if an eyewitness saw the real Buc-ee's
mascot committing a homicide.
Now, that store did eventually
wind up changing their sign
to look like this instead.
Which is just fantastic.
I love that they kept the "Buk-ii's"
part and just added "Mini Super" to it,
not addressing
the key problem at all,
while also changing their mascot
to what appears to be Chip 'n' Dale
if they got really into dirt bikes
and meth.
I have to say, other Buc-ee's lawsuits
seem more than a little excessive.
Take Choke Canyon, that chain
with the alligator logo.
Buc-ee's claimed that it infringed
on their beaver trademark
in part because of "the use of a black
circle encompassing the alligator",
the "use of a yellow background"
and the "use of the red-colored
tongue of the alligator",
compared to the red hat
on the beaver.
Which sounds like they're claiming
that they have legal ownership
of black circles, yellow backgrounds
and the color red.
And some of their more recent lawsuits
just seem like outright bullying.
Buc-ee's is currently suing
an Ohio chain called Mickey's,
whose logo they claimed
"incorporates a cartoon animal
facing right with wide eyes and a smile,
overlaying a round background,"
something they say "is likely to cause
confusion among consumers."
And please try and keep
that claim in mind
when I show you Mickey's actual
logo, because it is this.
And I would argue, if you get
confused between those two logos,
that is an issue with you.
Because one is a beaver
and one is a moose.
They are aggressively
different animals.
In fact, the first question a medic
should ask you
if they suspect that you have
a concussion should be,
"Is this moose also this beaver?"
If you answer yes, go straight
to the hospital, do not pass "go",
do not collect 200 dollars,
you are conked.
But that is not even close to all.
As you saw, they're also suing Teddy's,
a gas station with a koala mascot.
They claim Teddy's infringes on their
trademark for a variety of reasons,
including that "both names
are two-syllable words
beginning
with a hard consonant sound",
"have a second hard consonant
sound separating the syllables,
and both "end with an '-eez' sound."
They complain that "both characters
are arbitrarily wearing hats."
And honey, be serious. You cannot
trademark arbitrarily wearing a hat,
because if you could, Pharrell
would've already beaten you to it.
And if you thought all of those suits
were ridiculous,
just wait until you see this one.
Jarrad Hewett says his underwear line
is a hot commodity
inside the market
at North Park Mall.
His small business
is called Nut Huggers Apparel.
But the past few weeks have not
been funny for Hewett.
After sinking hundreds of thousands
of dollars into his business
and finally seeing it succeed, he was
shocked by an email from Buc-ee's.
The initial request came in
a little hot and heavy.
They suggested
that they owned all cartoon rodents.
Come on, Buc-ee's!
You don't own all cartoon rodents.
You think you own Mickey Mouse,
Minnie Mouse, Stuart Little,
the beavers from "Angry Beavers",
Pinky and the Brain, Rocky,
Chuck E. Cheese, Rufus the naked
mole rat, Templeton, or Jerry?
You think you own
these two cartoon rodents,
frozen in the midst
of sexual ecstasy?
Because I've got news for you:
you don't. I do. I own those rats.
But that wasn't all, because when
they started going back and forth,
Buc-ee's had a pretty broad range
of demands.
Buc-ee's stated Hewett's logo
was a trademark infringement
because it uses "a cartoon brown
rodent character,
smiling with buck teeth,
in various depictions."
Buc-ee's demanded Hewett stop
using cartoons, rodents,
the colors red, yellow, and brown,
no baseball hats,
and only front-facing images.
Hewitt says he emailed back,
saying he would stop using specific
colors and a side profile of his logo,
but even then it was not enough.
Look, that is clearly just ridiculous.
For one thing,
if "front-facing images"
are apparently okay,
why the fuck did Buc-ee's go
after the Teddy's koala?
That bear is looking you
right in the eyes.
He's peering into your very soul!
And Buc-ee's constant complaints
that no one else has the right
to use animal logos
isn't just absurd on its face,
it gets actively irritating
when you see this interview
with the company's founder,
Arch "Beaver" Aplin, in which
he explains both his name
and his inspiration for Buc-ee's.
Beaver was my nickname. My mom
named me that when I was born.
Bucky Beaver Space Guard!
It was a cartoon character way back,
really before my time.
A toothpaste commercial,
and he was Bucky Beaver.
So, this fellow always
called me Bucky Beaver growing up.
Wait, wait, hold on.
So, you are telling me
he ripped his company's whole deal
from a toothpaste rodent?
Because
that's the same fucking beaver
I've been looking at
for the past 10 minutes!
Buc-ee's is trying to say an alligator
looks too similar to its beaver,
meanwhile these two look like
the fucking Property Brothers!
And incredibly, to date,
Buc-ee's has won nearly
all of the cases that it's brought,
usually because other companies
opt to settle and redesign their logos,
or just fold completely.
And that is probably because
most just don't have the resources
to fight a company this big.
But Buc-ee's should be careful here,
because as one legal expert has said,
"The more you do this, the more
you might run into somebody
who has the means or the will
to fight with you about it."
And that is where we come in.
Because it turns out,
we very much have the will
to get into a fight with Buc-ee's.
We also happen to already
have a rodent mascot on hand:
one Mr. Nutterbutter, who's helpfully
no stranger to frivolous lawsuits.
And you know what?
We realized that after all this time,
Mr. Nutterbutter doesn't have his own
logo, which didn't seem right to us.
So, we made one for him. And let me
walk you through our design process.
First, we came up with this image
that depicts Mr. Nutterbutter
as a cartoon animal
with wide eyes and a smile,
facing right, a direction
that just seemed natural for him.
But it still felt like it still
needed a splash of color.
So, we made his tongue red,
and then we chose to encompass
Mr.Nutterbutter in a black circle
with a yellow background.
And at that point, the only thing
that it felt it really needed
was some text below the logo.
So, we decided to go with this.
We liked the phrase "Buc-off"
mainly because it's a two-syllable word
comprised of six letters, beginning
with a hard consonant sound
and a second hard consonant
sound separating the syllables.
And finally, we realized:
what is the point of having a logo
as eye-catching as this
if we don't then put it on stuff
to sell?
Which is why I'm so happy to announce
that you can now buy this image
on a variety of products,
from tumblers, to hats, to shirts,
to onesies, to mugs, to pajamas,
to umbrellas, to stickers,
to socks, to, of course, underwear.
You can buy any or all
of these items for a limited time
at Buc-dash-Off-dot-com,
with all profits
going to Hunger Free America.
So, if any prominent gas station chain
out there has an issue
with our new logo and products
and wants to get lawyers involved,
then you know what?
Bring it the fuck on.
Although, remember:
in doing so,
you'd be directly taking food
out of hungry people's mouths.
And it's also worth knowing
that Mr. Nutterbutter
currently has a perfect record in court
and the last guy who sued us
over him is technically dead now.
That is not a threat!
That's not a threat,
it's just an objective fact.
So, at this point, Buc-ee's, I guess
the Beaver Nugget is in your court.
The next move is yours.
And I'm anxious to see
what it's gonna be!
And you know who else
is looking forward to finding out?
This guy!
- He's here!
- Hi, everybody!
- He's back! Hey, buddy!
- Hi, John!
It's so great to see you,
Mr. Nutterbutter.
Can I ask,
why are you wearing that hat?
I don't know.
It seems completely arbitrary!
Yeah. That's right.
You're arbitrarily wearing a hat!
And if you want a hat
just like Mr. Nutterbutter's,
all you have to do is go
to Buc-dash-Off-dot-com!
Remember,
Christmas is only five months away.
Why not go buck wild?
That is our show,
thank you so much for watching,
we'll see you next week, good night!
Buddy, welcome home!
Shall we?