Last Week Tonight With John Oliver (2014) s13e28 Episode Script
Midterm Elections
1
Welcome to "Last Week Tonight"!
I'm John Oliver, thank you so much for
joining us. It has been a busy week!
Flavio Bolsonaro
lost Brazil's election,
"hackers stole 6 billion from
the world's largest crypto exchange"
and the Buffalo Bills
put out a video
explaining the last thing
you'd expect, and it is magnificent.
I know why I have this belly,
but why does my cat have one?
It's funny you should mention that.
It's actually referred to
as a primordial pouch,
and while scientists aren't completely
sure why cats evolved to have them,
there are several
interesting theories.
I think
that it's maybe for protection,
just how my pads protect me
when I play football.
That's one of the leading theories.
When cats fight,
they often use their hind legs
to deliver rapid kicks
to their opponent's abdomen.
Maybe it's for storing food,
like this.
Some experts say
that the loose abdominal tissue
could help accommodate large meals.
Wildcats may go long periods
without eating,
followed by consuming
a large amount of food at once.
But like the other theories,
this is not conclusively proven.
I love it so much.
Even if it does kind of feel like they
might be ripping this show off.
Fun animal facts and phrases like
"this is not conclusively proven"?
Get off our fucking corner, Buffalo.
If the Bills ever move into video
explainers about subprime loans,
this show is done.
But we're actually gonna dive straight
in with our main story this week,
which involves
the midterm elections.
They're just two days away,
and last-minute rallies are
being held all over the country,
with perhaps the saddest being
Ken Paxton's on Thursday night,
which began
with this rousing speech.
We're probably about an hour out.
Do me a favor. Please don't leave.
And the reason why that is,
'cause I don't want
the media to turn it in,
saying that people
don't like Ken Paxton.
It's not our fault that we have jobs
we gotta do in the morning. I'm sorry.
Sure, but if you actually like
the person you're seeing,
you don't worry about work
in the morning, do you?
You don't leave a Springsteen
concert at 8:30 saying,
"Well, I was really hoping I'd see him
do 'Born to Run',
but it's a work night."
No, you drink two more beers and
get your joints loose for "Rosalita"
like a fucking adult.
Overall, things don't seem to be
looking great for Republicans now,
as they're on track to lose
the majority in the House,
and possibly the Senate, too.
And look, before anyone gets carried
away, polls can clearly be wrong.
You may remember that Iowa poll
right before the last election
showing Kamala Harris winning the
state, which, spoiler alert, she didn't.
As we now know, Iowa was instead
carried by Corn-Tar, Lord of the Stalks,
who rose from the fields at the eleventh
hour to claim his dark harvest.
There've been signs for months
that Republicans foresee some trouble.
In fact, at Trump's ridiculous
midterm convention,
he even led the crowd
in this desperate pledge.
I pledge…
…to the greatest president
in the history of the United States…
…that loves us so much
he can't even breathe…
Trump making the crowd pledge to him
that they would vote come November.
You know what happens
if you don't vote?
You go to hell. You know that.
Okay, there is so much there,
from asking people to repeat back
a sentence clearly too long for them,
to the line, "loves us
so much he can't even breathe."
What in the Paramore lyrics
is he even talking about there?
As for, "vote or you'll go to hell",
I'll say this: huge if true!
Imagine if Jeffrey Epstein
got to hell
and said,
"Oh, because of all the stuff?"
and the devil said, "No, actually,
lack of civic engagement!"
In the last month, Trump's been
crisscrossing the country
to try and drum up support
among his base,
even repeatedly telling his voters
to "pretend I'm on the ballot."
Which is a bold move,
given the extent to which his approval
rating has completely tanked.
In fact, just listen to this woman
at the Iowa State Fair explain
how she's seen support for him
ebb away,
before the reporter makes a big choice
to wrap up the piece.
Used to be, no matter where you
drove, they did it on the corn bales,
or the hay bales, everything,
"Trump, Trump, Trump."
Every place you went. Because we are
Republican where we're from.
You don't see any now.
You don't see any of them.
And Alex, I'll keep this quick
'cause I'm starting to get dizzy,
but we also heard expressions
of frustration
about President Trump's
up and down tariff policy.
And even President Trump's
most ardent supporters will say
that the tariffs aren't working yet,
they're just hoping
that they will work down the line.
That's what we're hearing from
voters here at the Iowa State Fair.
He shot that as if he expected
viewers to respond to him saying,
"We're here at the Iowa State Fair",
with, "Really? Fucking prove it."
And in hindsight,
I'm pretty sure the entire time
he was talking to that woman,
he was just staring at
the cotton candy sign behind her.
Just, "Yeah, that sounds really tough,
what you're going through.
Quick question: is there
an age limit on the rides here?"
'Cause next thing you know,
he's on a horsie
looking like a child of divorce getting
spoiled on Dad weekend.
But that fancy child reporter is right,
Trump's tariffs do seem
to have hurt him,
as have ICE raids all over the country,
and his war in Iran,
which has contributed to gas prices
being up 34% from a year ago.
And I know it feels very weird to boil
two years of violent chaos
down to "gas prices go up",
but affordability is something
many people do vote on!
I will remind you, part of the reason
we're in this mess right now
is because
of the price of fucking eggs.
It was mostly racism,
but it was partly eggs.
If Tuesday's midterms do turn out
to be a referendum on this president,
it's not looking great for him.
So given that, tonight, we thought
we'd take a look at the midterms,
the problems they've laid bare
for Republicans,
and some of the ways they're
desperately trying to solve them.
And let's start with the fact
that some Republican candidates
have, notably, been trying to
distance themselves from Trump.
One analysis found that
"more than 99% of GOP ad spending
is now going to spots
that do not mention him."
In fact, just watch this Michigan
Senate candidate, Mike Rogers,
when he tries to dodge being connected
to Trump in an interview last Sunday.
Is a vote for you a vote
for the Trump agenda?
I'm apologizing. I'm having
some difficulty in my earpiece.
But, "Is a vote for you…?"
I'm not sure.
I'll tell you what a vote for me is.
It's a great day
for the state of Michigan.
Yeah, nice try, Mike,
but that was pretty obvious.
I haven't seen someone
dodge a question that shamelessly
since I spent three hours gasping
aloud at two complete lunatics
who've never blinked once
in their lives.
If you want to talk about that movie,
please contact anyone who works here,
it's derailed our workflow
to an unacceptable degree.
Meanwhile, other Republicans have felt
the need to criticize Trump's policies,
like Florida congresswoman Maria
Elvira Salazar, who released this ad.
Mr. President, some of your immigration
enforcement efforts have gone too far.
Be careful what your advisers are
telling you about immigration policy.
The same Hispanics who helped you
get to the White House in 2024
feel betrayed today.
Okay, first, saying "some of Trump's
immigration enforcement efforts
have gone too far"
is like saying
"some Nic Cage performances
are a skootch unhinged."
You're technically right, of course,
but you're not really capturing
the true scope
of what we're talking about.
But also, that is a notable shift,
given just a year ago,
Salazar toured Alligator Alcatraz
and reassured reporters that
"no one likes to be inside a cage,
but I want to tell you
that the cages were clean."
Which is pretty fucked up,
in the same way it'd be fucked up
to say,
"Hey, nobody likes being
waterboarded, but I want to tell you,
it's all-natural spring water
they're getting!"
But she is not wrong that Hispanic
voters do seem to feel betrayed,
as among likely voters
in that demo,
Democrats recently led Republicans by
35 points on the congressional ballot,
up from a lead of just seven points
in the last presidential election.
Which shouldn't be surprising.
Because it's not just anger over
immigration enforcement,
Hispanic voters are also experiencing
the same affordability concerns
as everyone else,
as well as having to endure relentless
racism from the White House.
Just this week, its official Twitter
account posted,
"spooky season is here,"
with an image of a jack-o-lantern
with a sombrero on it.
Which is both racist and ridiculous,
as the sombrero is just objectively
one of the least scary hats.
Witch's hat, top hat,
sure, both creepy.
But if you're
walking alone in the woods,
someone comes around a corner and
all you can make out is their sombrero?
Brother,
something festive this way comes.
In fact, slap a sombrero
on the Babadook
and see how people's reactions
to him change.
But some Republican candidates
can't distance themselves from Trump,
as he's the one who got them
on the ballot in the first place.
During the primaries, he repeatedly
endorsed extreme MAGA types.
We've talked before
about Senate candidates
like Mike Collins in Georgia
and Ken Paxton in Texas.
But he also thumbed the scale in House
races, like in upstate New York,
where the Republican establishment
backed this more traditional candidate,
but Trump
endorsed Anthony Constantino,
the CEO of a sticker company
who first gained attention
by putting a giant Trump sign
on his factory,
something you can see in this photo
taken by someone who just hates him.
Constantino is running
in a deep-red district,
but his race now
seems up for grabs.
And when you learn more about him,
you can start to see why.
For starters,
he is a "pro-Trump rapper", apparently,
which is exactly as bad
as you would expect.
Just watch this video that he put out
last year attacking Zohran Mamdani.
Zohran, a trained actor,
he done fooled so many men,
but I see through you,
and I know just how this ends,
it don't end happy,
it don't end feliz,
it ends with you failing,
failing to achieve,
can't fuck with America, bitch,
this is New York City.
The home of Donald Trump,
Tupac, and Biggie.
Remember when they hit the towers?
They couldn't destroy us.
That boy Osama dead now,
and you're here to annoy us.
We know the terrorist dream
is destroy New York.
I wanna make the whole world
enjoy New York.
Hamilton was a mistake.
And yes, you heard right,
he did just rhyme "New York"
with "New York" there.
Which is frustrating, given there were
so many other options open to him,
like "fork," "stork"
or turning the camera off,
packing up his recording equipment
and never rapping again.
Trump pushed hard for Constantino
despite the fact
he doesn't seem
remotely ready for the job.
He was recently asked
if he knew the difference between
mandatory and discretionary spending
and said,
"mandatory means mandatory,
and discretionary
means discretionary."
And when the reporter responded,
"Well, right, but what
do those terms actually mean?"
he replied, "You tell me."
And that's not even his worst answer,
as when he was asked to simply name
the biggest city in his district,
he said, and I quote,
"I don't know, ask Grok."
Which we actually did,
and it said the biggest city
in New York's 21st district
is a big-titted Lola Bunny telling us
to kill ourselves.
It's a very useful tool.
The point is, Republicans seem to be
facing some significant headwinds.
At this point, it's worth looking at how
they're trying to overcome them.
Because it's mostly been litigation,
billionaire spending
and rank bigotry. And let's
talk about the litigation first.
Because the DOJ's launched
a bunch of baseless lawsuits
to try and seize states' voter rolls,
on which they're currently
0 for 27 in court.
They've also been preemptively
challenging the integrity of votes
in California and Alaska,
with the latter suit really
ramping up this week,
following reports that Democrats there
had carried out
an admittedly pretty dickish maneuver
to sow confusion on the ballot.
Tonight, a new headline rocking
the Senate race in deep red Alaska.
Two Dan Sullivans. The people
aren't gonna be able to tell.
And it's a fraud.
The New York Times reporting on
a secret Democratic plot
to sabotage the campaign of
Republican senator Dan Sullivan
by placing another candidate
with the same name on the ballot
to confuse his supporters.
Last week, President Trump told
the DOJ to file suit
to block certification
of Alaska's results
if Dan J. Sullivan
costs Senator Sullivan a win.
Democrats allegedly tried
to confuse voters
by getting another Dan Sullivan
to run.
Which, again,
confirms my theory
that when you hear
"secret Republican plot",
it's always some sort of elaborate
"House of Cards" chicanery,
but when you hear
"secret Democratic plot",
it is the most rinky-dink Scooby-Doo
clown car mix 'em up imaginable.
Now, both the Democratic
candidate's campaign
and the party's Senate campaign
committee have denied that report.
But it wouldn't be the first time
that tactic's been used.
In fact, it's been called
an "age-old election trick"
and has happened "up and down
ballots, across party lines."
It's also, crucially, not illegal.
That'd only be the case
if it involved things like "falsifying
residency documents,
laundering campaign funds,
or offering direct payments."
In fact, as one expert put it, "If
trying to confuse voters was a crime,
then every politician
would be in jail."
What's more,
as you can see from the ballot,
the Dan Sullivan who's the incumbent
Republican senator
is clearly marked "incumbent".
And while Trump has argued
that a lot of people
"don't know what incumbent means",
which does feel like he's really
telling on himself there,
when CNN talked to voters in Alaska,
they didn't seem that confused.
- Can you tell who's who here?
- Absolutely. Yeah.
You've got Daniel J. Sullivan Jr.
and then you have Sullivan, Dan,
who's a registered Republican
and incumbent.
And I don't even have
my glasses on.
It's pretty clear, it's in black
and white. It's very clear.
Yeah, and for what it's worth,
the sickest possible burn
from someone with any amount
of grey in their hair is,
"I don't even
have my glasses on."
If I don't have my glasses on and even
I can tell that something is clear?
Bitch, you are cooked.
And on top of that, Alaska actually
uses ranked-choice voting.
So, any theoretical person who doesn't
know what "incumbent" means
and wants to make sure their vote's
going to Senator Dan Sullivan
can just rank both of them
on the ballot.
And again, none of that
makes what Democrats are being
accused of good or okay,
but it does make it stupid and
meaningless, which if nothing else,
would be pretty on brand
for the party.
And yet, if Sullivan loses,
it seems inevitable Trump will try
to prevent his opponent
from being seated in the Senate, despite
there being no legal basis for that.
And that's just one of many ways
Trump and his administration
have tried to sow fear and doubt
ahead of this election,
from the ICE raid of Ilhan Omar's
home three weeks ago,
to his bullshit primetime address
on supposed "voter fraud" in July.
After that, DHS claimed
they were looking into
300,000 possible instances of fraud and
sank resources into bringing cases.
But when we asked them exactly how
many they've brought this term,
not even convicted, just charged,
they told us it was just 208.
Which is, you'll notice,
slightly under "300,000."
I can even tell that without
my fucking glasses on.
And all of this is clearly laying
the groundwork for election denial.
By one analysis, Trump's attacked
the integrity of elections
on more than 70% of the days
since he returned to office.
And just this week,
when asked if he'd commit
to accepting midterm results,
he said this.
And you'll respect the results
whatever happens?
I will, if they're honest elections.
Yeah, and that's a pretty
big disclaimer, isn't it?
It basically seems that Trump's
principles are essentially,
"if you don't vote, you go to hell"
and "if I don't win,
the whole thing can go to hell."
So, that is how Republicans are trying
to litigate their way out of trouble.
But they're also trying
to spend their way out of it.
Because while Democratic campaigns
have outraised Republican ones,
when it comes to outside
spending, it's not close.
The 40 biggest donors this election
cycle have given Republicans
more than three times the amount
that they've given Democrats,
with Elon Musk alone giving Republicans
at least 483 million so far.
And that money's bought
a lot of advertising,
with Democrats and Republicans
combining to spend
over 11 billion dollars just on ads.
That's, in part, why your TV has been
wall-to-wall with them for months now.
And some have been truly ugly,
like the one taken out
against Amy Acton,
who's running for governor in Ohio,
and which exploits
a hideous childhood trauma.
Acton was removed
from her mother's custody
when she was just 12 years old after her
stepfather was charged with raping her.
They haven't spoken since.
But now Acton's opponent,
Vivek Ramaswamy, has put
her mother in a campaign ad.
If you think she'll make your life
better, you're fooling yourself.
Acton calls the ad exploitative,
saying her mother is not well.
I think it was a horrible
and hideous thing to do, a sad thing.
Still tonight, President Trump
is defending the ad.
It's a very unusual situation to have
a mother hate a daughter that much.
Yeah, that ad is so blatantly toxic
that only the worst person
on Earth could buy into it,
and surprise, surprise, he did.
But it's not just Trump.
In the wake of significant criticism,
Ramaswamy actually doubled down
on his ad.
Voters deserve to know
what the truth is,
and the truth is
that this woman is a liar.
Jesus Christ! I would say that
he should be ashamed of himself,
but Ramaswamy clearly
has no sense of shame.
Which probably shouldn't be
news to anyone.
Not only was he briefly
the co-head of DOGE,
he was also apparently once
a libertarian rapper.
And if you are wondering
whether he was any good,
I'll let you be the judge.
Here he is showing off his free-styling
skills during a radio interview.
It's Vivek like cake, I'm not fake,
and I swim in a lake of truth.
That's me, Vivek, yeah.
I can't believe I'm about
to say this, but…
Anthony Constantino
is a better rapper.
And when Republicans haven't been
digging up horrifying traumas,
they've been defaulting to stoking
bigotry and fearmongering.
Take what's been happening
in Michigan,
where Senate candidate
Abdul El-Sayed
has been relentlessly targeted
with Islamophobic attacks,
including from Trump himself
on the campaign trail.
His name is actually
Abdulasumtalula.
It's Adulabababababa
Mohammed El-Sayed.
So, his middle name is Mohammed.
Mohammed El-Sayed.
I call him Mohammed.
Somebody said, "His name
isn't Mohammed! It's Abdul."
I said, "To me, it's Mohammed."
He would be the only senator
that will have to go
through a metal detector before
he's allowed to go into the Senate.
I want him
to have a metal detector.
If Abdul and the Democrats win,
they will open the floodgates
and invite
hoards of jihadists to our shores,
creating a nightmare of violence
and terror
until you cannot even have
a Christmas.
Look, that isn't just racist,
claiming El-Sayed's going to somehow
cancel Christmas is also absurd.
Because there are plenty of things
that could potentially
ruin someone's Christmas:
travel delays, a bad cold,
the release of another
Kevin Spacey Christmas message,
or, need I remind you, a president
who starts a stupid trade war
and then dismisses
price increases like this.
I don't think
a beautiful baby girl needs…
That's 11 years old,
needs to have 30 dolls.
I think they can have
three dolls or four dolls.
When you say they should have
three dolls instead of 30 dolls…
I'm saying they don't need
30 dolls…
Americans could see
empty store shelves?
I'm not saying that. I'm just saying
they don't need to have 30 dolls.
They can have three. They don't need
250 pencils. They can have five.
Yeah, don't worry,
11-year-old baby girls,
if anyone comes and takes your
precious dolls away this Christmas,
and the pencils
we all know you love,
it won't be a progressive
Senate candidate in Michigan.
It'll be a pudding-brained octogenarian
who still doesn't understand
what fucking trade deficits are.
And look, it shouldn't be surprising
that Trump engages in Islamophobia.
But the party seems more
than happy to join him in that sewer.
Just watch this attack ad
put out by the Republican
Senate Leadership Fund.
Abdul El-Sayed in his own words.
"When I die and stand before God
and go through
everything I did in my life,
I don't want to say
I did it the easy way
instead of the Sharia-compliant way."
The Sharia law way. What's that?
Using government
to dictate how women dress,
requiring they have a guardian,
or prohibiting women
from filing for divorce.
The Sharia law compliant way,
Abdul El-Sayed's way.
Okay, that is wildly misleading.
First, that quote comes
from an interview El-Sayed gave
17 years ago, when he was 24,
and was speaking to a reporter
writing about a Michigan bank
that offered a special kind of home
loan for Islamic customers.
Back then, he said he wanted
to conduct himself
in "the Sharia-compliant way",
meaning "using the religious code
as a guideline for his personal life",
you know, how most religions work.
And it is pretty bold as a move for
the Republican Senate Leadership Fund
to be like,
"Hey, don't vote for this guy!
He thinks the government should
take agency away from women!
Instead, why not vote for the party
that overturned Roe v. Wade?"
But it's not just Islamophobia.
In many states,
the biggest bet Republicans have made
has, once again, been on transphobia.
In basically every battleground state,
there've been a slew of misleading,
transphobic attack ads, often using
variation of the same familiar tagline.
Don Davis doesn't always
show up to work,
but when he does show up,
he's fighting for they/them, not us.
Mary Peltola works
for they/them, not for us.
Annie Andrews is for they/them,
not for our values.
Not for South Carolina.
Radical liberal James Talarico,
for they/them. Not you.
Normally, to hear that many
shitty pronoun jokes in a row,
you have to be watching
a Netflix special
someone got paid
millions of dollars for.
But, the level of bigotry this year
has been truly ugly,
and sometimes plain weird.
In Texas, Republicans went all-in
on the notion
that James Talarico isn't manly
enough to be senator.
After the primary,
Stephen Miller tweeted,
"The Democrats made history
in Texas by nominating
their first transgender
Senate candidate."
A PAC called Citizens for Sanity
released this ad
with an AI-generated Talarico singing
a parody of "My Favorite Things".
And the Paxton campaign itself
called Talarico "too low-T for Texas."
And come on! God forbid
a man use pomade, exfoliate
and generally try to look a little more
put together than Jabba the Slut here.
And even when Republicans
weren't doing shitty trans jokes,
they were implying
that Talarico was gay,
like when JD Vance did
this hilarious piece of crowd work.
Now before we get started…
I love you too, sir.
In a totally platonic way,
to be clear.
I'm the vice president,
not James Talarico.
For what it's worth,
I think the most baffling thing there
is someone yelling "we love you"
at JD Vance.
I didn't think
anyone genuinely loved that man.
I assumed his colleagues hate him,
his wife tolerates him,
and even his couch thinks of it more
as a no-strings-attached situation.
All that middle-school-level homophobia
somehow gets even weirder
given Trump's simultaneously
been absolutely slobbering
over the hotness of the male candidates
he's been promoting,
especially Ohio's Jon Husted.
I started off by studying his ass.
I just want to say.
And I examined his ass. His ass…
It's like a pile of muscle.
I'm examining his body.
And I said his ass
was like a big piece of muscle.
His feet were massive. His hands,
his fingers look like sausages.
My hands aren't bad,
but his fingers look like sausages.
Okay, hold on, his fingers
look like sausages?
Is that even good?
Is that a thing people want?
"God, he's so hot.
His fingers look like ground meat
bursting out of fake skin.
Shit, they look like they'd smell
bad if you left them in the sun.
Oh god, his fingers look like
they could give you botulism,
I think I'm gonna blow!"
The homophobia and transphobia
has been off the charts this year.
And what's wild is,
some Republicans will admit
this isn't even working for them.
Dade Phelan, a state representative
in Texas, has complained,
"We're still running transgender
ads. It's just not resonating…
What Republicans are talking about
is just not what the swing
voter is really interested in."
And that's the problem
for Republicans here.
Things are clearly broken,
it is not hard to tell who broke them,
and you can't fix things by just
screaming about gender or Muslims.
It honestly says something
about the degree to which
all this fearmongering may yet backfire
that when one Michigan voter
was asked about Abdul El-Sayed,
after being barraged with attack ads
against him, this was her response.
Do you worry that he's a bit too
left-wing to win in Michigan?
At this point,
what do we have to worry about?
Anything but what we have.
We're on our way to hell.
So, at this point, socialist, socialized,
social, don't matter to me.
Lower my cost of living.
Exactly. The point is,
voters are justifiably frustrated.
So, what does all this mean
will happen on Tuesday?
Well, to quote my second-least
favorite Republican rapper,
"I don't know, ask Grok."
But you can probably safely assume
that, if things don't go Trump's way,
he'll claim the election was rigged,
and do everything he can
to undermine the results.
Which is a strong argument
for you turning up to vote this year,
even in districts where you think
your candidates are safe.
For one thing, remember,
if you don't vote, you're going to hell.
But also, the bigger the results
for Democrats on Tuesday,
the harder they'll be for Trump
to litigate or deny.
Look, Trump has said he wants people
to pretend he's on the ballot this year,
but I'm not sure people
even need to pretend.
We're now almost halfway
through his second term,
he's had both the House and the Senate
on his side the entire time,
and look where it's got us.
Finally, on Tuesday, we have a chance
to apply some fucking brakes.
And if we can do that,
if we can finally send a message
to this administration
that people are not remotely
happy with what it's been doing,
then maybe, just maybe, we, like
Iowa's greatest ever child reporter,
will have earned ourselves
a little treat. And now this.
And Now: People on TV Revisit
Their Childhood Halloween Trauma.
- You go trick-or-treating as a kid?
- Of course I went.
Well, everyone didn't.
Of course I did not.
I know you didn't!
You say "of course" as if every
child goes. And of course.
Of course I did not.
My aunt got married on Halloween
when I was in seventh grade,
deprived me of that
which might have well been
my last possible night
of trick-or-treating.
No, I'm still not over it and that's
why she's cut out of my life.
I know my least favorite thing
when I was a kid with Halloween
is, like, if you had to put
a coat over your costume.
'Cause I would fight tooth and nail.
That's not how it's supposed to look!
What about you, Annette?
No scary movies?
- "Hocus Pocus" is my go-to.
- Is that scary though?
I've seen really scary stuff. I've had
bad experiences as a child.
So, I don't know who allowed me
to watch scary stuff as a kid.
It's all good.
This is a photo of me as a kid.
I was dressed up for Halloween.
It was a different time. I was
dressed up as Christopher Columbus.
But everyone knows
I'm not a big Halloween fan.
I got egged and shot at
with-by airsoft guns as a child.
They would throw apples
at my house. No.
I wish I had an apple
right now to throw at you.
Moving on. Before we go,
some quick news
about something very stupid
that's happening this month.
The Treasury Department's
apparently launching
a new 250 dollar coin
with Trump's face on it,
and when they do,
it'll join this one-dollar coin
that they released in September,
and which the U.S. treasurer
even promoted like this.
This is the Trump dollar coin.
It'll be in the banks next month.
And I want you to challenge you
to go get a roll of Trump
dollar coins next month,
and then I want you to go to
your favorite liberal coffee shop
with your Trump dollar coins,
buy a cup of coffee,
and watch their heads explode.
They will not like it, but I love it,
and I love this president,
and I love this coin.
That's a great idea.
You should definitely do that.
You should definitely buy a roll
of 25 one-dollar coins
for the low, low price of 61 dollars,
then go to a liberal coffee shop
and give them that money in
the middle of a cost-of-living crisis
caused by the man
with his face on the coins.
At every point, including when
you have to take out your phone
to prove to the barista that what
you have is actually legal currency,
you will definitely
be winning that interaction.
But the coins are just part of a series
of moves by Trump
to put himself on money.
In March, we learned his signature
would appear on future paper currency.
And in May, this happened.
Officials at the Treasury Department
are laying the groundwork
for a new 250 dollar bill featuring
President Trump's image.
A mock-up was first obtained
by the Washington Post.
It's meant to commemorate
the nation's 250th anniversary
and would be the first time
a living person
is featured on American currency
in more than 150 years.
Trump apparently wanted to put
himself on a 250 dollar bill,
with this portrait of him looking
mad at you for having it.
And look, it is not surprising that
he'd want to put his face on money.
Everything Trump does
is a nine-year-old's idea
of what it's like to be president,
including getting planes as presents
and buying all the hamburgers.
But interestingly, it's actually illegal
for him, or indeed anyone,
to put themselves on a bill,
for a pretty fascinating reason.
At the end of the Civil War,
Congress authorized a five-cent note.
The Treasury man in charge of printing
it was one Spencer Morton Clark.
For reasons known best to him,
Clark put a picture of himself
on the bill.
Members of the House hit the roof.
Martin Thayer of Dinwiddie County,
Pennsylvania, called it
"derogatory to the dignity
and the self-respect of the nation."
In 1866, he got Congress to ban images
of live individuals from our currency.
The reason it's currently illegal
to put a living person on currency
is because this guy
ruined it for everyone.
I'm not saying that Spencer Morton
Clark looks at all bad on that bill!
I think I speak for everyone
when I say, I absolutely would.
In fact, call
my ass "the five cent note"
because I want his face
in the middle of it.
But amazingly, that story understates
just how weird that incident was.
Because by some accounts,
Clark was only able to put his face
on the five-cent note
because Congress wanted to honor
William Clark of the Lewis
and Clark expedition.
But crucially, the document
that reached the Treasury
specified only that the new bill
should honor someone called "Clark",
without clarifying which one,
so Spencer M. here
seized the opportunity to "put his
own portrait on the notes" instead.
Which is just incredible!
The point is, this messy little bitch
is why it is currently illegal for
a living person to appear on currency.
History is amazing!
And if you're wondering,
"Now, well, hold on, if that
is true, how is Trump on coins?"
Well, the administration's currently
arguing that coins don't count.
And, okay! But set aside
the Trump currency for a moment.
I want to talk about something weird
we discovered while looking
into his proposed 250 dollar
bill, and it concerns the hundred.
Because, did you know there
are more hundreds in circulation
than any other bill right now?
It's true!
And that's actually
been the case for a while.
The 1 dollar bill was the most popular
currency in the U.S. for years.
But in 2017,
for the first time in history,
the 100 dollar bill
surpassed the one.
And today, 18.5 billion
100 dollar notes are in circulation.
Yeah, and that's a bit odd, isn't it?
'Cause you'd think
that singles have more uses,
from tipping, to vending machines,
to dollar stores, to lottery tickets,
to convincing children
that, for some reason,
a tiny, bone-hoarding fairy
broke into their bedroom
and purchased
their teeth for cash.
And the more you look
into the 100 dollar bill,
the more you realize everything
about it is kind of fascinating.
For instance, did you know
that U.S. currency used to come
in even larger denominations?
There used to be a 500 dollar bill,
with McKinley on it,
a 1,000 dollar bill,
with Grover Cleveland on it,
a 5,000 dollar bill
with James Madison on it,
and even a 10,000 dollar bill, with
Treasury secretary Salmon Chase on it?
And while I know it's not
the point, back in the 1800s,
we really were just
naming people "Salmon", huh?
Anyway, in 1969,
the government actually stopped
issuing bills larger than the hundred,
in part because
of internal concerns
that "large-denomination notes
were being used almost exclusively
by persons engaged
in illegal activities."
So now, the biggest bill is
the hundred, and apparently,
there are more of them
out there than anything else.
Which begs the question:
where are they?
Because you don't tend
to see that many of them, do you?
Well, one of the bill's biggest
fans is actually Steve Harvey,
who's even bragged about
how the hundred
is the only denomination he carries
around, for a truly spectacular reason
he once explained during
a behind-the-scenes moment,
in a Covid-era,
taping of "Family Feud".
It's like me, I don't deal in singles,
fives, 10s, 20s.
If I'm at a grocery store,
which that's never,
but if I give you a hundred
and your change, you give me change,
whoever's traveling with me,
I give them all the change.
If it's 20s, 10s, fives, if it's 80
dollars of change, I give it away.
I don't want nothing except hundreds,
'cause it's the law of attraction.
I only want hundreds.
That's the largest denomination
bill, that's what I attract.
So, I attract hundreds.
Because I don't want nothing else.
It's the law of attraction.
That might be
one of the weirdest, most fascinating
things anyone has ever said.
It turns out, the secret to building
wealth isn't saving aggressively
and investing wisely,
it's simply standing next to Steve
whenever he buys Tic Tacs.
But clearly, Steve Harvey
isn't hoarding all the hundreds.
So again, where are they?
Well, a surprising amount
actually end up overseas.
By one estimate, about 70%
of 100 dollar bills
were held abroad
as of the end of 2022.
And there are a bunch
of reasons for this.
A dozen countries and territories use
the dollar as their official currency,
with many others using it
alongside their own.
Also, people in countries experiencing
instability might prefer the hundred,
because, as one report
from the Fed put it,
they can be "a store of value
when the purchasing power of
the domestic currency is uncertain."
Which makes sense, doesn't it?
Basically, when everything else
fails, it's something you can rely on.
Think of the 100 dollar bill
like a little bag of diamonds,
or Merrit Weaver
in a supporting role.
It will always hold value.
But the hundred's also very much
the currency of choice for criminals.
When Saddam Hussein was found,
he had 750,000 dollars in hundreds.
When Whitey Bulger was arrested,
FBI agents found 822,000 dollars
hidden inside the walls
of his apartment,
much of which
was in 100 dollar bills.
And a seizure in Mexico over drug
and money laundering charges
once yielded 205 million in cash,
almost entirely in hundreds,
that looked like this.
It makes sense for criminals
to prefer the 100 dollar bill.
It's the most value in
the most compact space.
A million dollars in hundreds
weighs about 22 pounds,
while a million in twenties obviously
weighs five times as much.
And for drug cartels in particular,
a big part of their business
is just figuring out how to move large
quantities of paper money around.
In fact, very often,
the cash from drug sales
is converted into hundreds or fifties,
vacuum sealed,
then concealed in the structure
of cars or trucks.
Watch as a Border Patrol team starts
prying open a car at the Mexican border
and pulling blocks of cash out
from under its windshield.
Yeah, I can't reach that.
It's like a little mouse.
But each cartel
has their own markings.
It's the way they distinguish where
it's coming from and who it's going to.
It all depends on what
denominations these are in.
So, these are hundreds.
Okay, let's be clear about what
the most interesting thing is there:
cartels will sometimes mark their
stacks of cash with a little mousie
to identify who they belong to.
And I really hope that means
that this particular stack
belongs to a powerful drug kingpin
who also just happens to be a mouse.
Say hello to my little friend.
It's frankly no wonder that,
as one expert put it,
100 dollar bills play little role in the
functioning of the legitimate economy,
yet a crucial role
in the underground one.
And all of this is why some
have suggested
the hundred should actually be
phased out. Which might make sense.
To be clear, the bills
in circulation would still be valid,
we'd just stop printing any more,
and then retire them
whenever they return to banks.
Essentially, the exact same thing
we did with all the old denominations.
And look, even if we don't phase out
the hundred, it is pretty clear
that we absolutely shouldn't be
making a bill any larger than it.
All of which brings us back
to Trump's 250 dollar bill.
Because hopefully, you can now see
why that is an even worse idea
than it initially sounds.
If you take one thing away from
this piece, it should probably be that.
If you take a second thing away,
it should be that we used to put
certified smoke shows on our money.
And if you take a third thing away,
if you ever see Steve Harvey
in an airport
buying a magazine for his flight,
try and get as close to him
as you can,
because you now know he's going
to pay with a hundred,
and he's about to make it rain
all over a Hudson News.
And now, this.
And Now: Our Annual Look at the
Wonder That Is Halloween on Local TV.
Welcome to our second hour of news
here on WXXV News 25
on this beautiful Thursday.
- I'm Batman.
- And I'm Wednesday Addams.
I'm Dave Morales and this is
my costume. Guess who's back?
Back again. Beetlejuice is back.
Tell your friends.
We planned to be Dionne
and Cher from the movie "Clueless".
- One of our costumes arrived.
- So one of our costumes arrived.
Your eyes do not deceive you,
Gaston and Maleficent.
It is I, Hades,
the king of the underworld.
Also known as your producer, Teddy.
I apologize how far this is unzipped
in the front. I put a microphone on.
- I was seeing a lot of hair.
- That is a lot.
I did not want to be the back half.
Matt was afraid that…
We thought
it was better for optics.
- That I was behind you?
- That you were behind me.
Monday and Monday night
is likely going to be
the wettest of the next week.
Sounds perfect, Rueben.
Thank you so much for…
- I can't.
- It's okay.
I can't!
That's our show, thanks so much
for watching, we'll see you next week!
Go get those geckos!
Welcome to "Last Week Tonight"!
I'm John Oliver, thank you so much for
joining us. It has been a busy week!
Flavio Bolsonaro
lost Brazil's election,
"hackers stole 6 billion from
the world's largest crypto exchange"
and the Buffalo Bills
put out a video
explaining the last thing
you'd expect, and it is magnificent.
I know why I have this belly,
but why does my cat have one?
It's funny you should mention that.
It's actually referred to
as a primordial pouch,
and while scientists aren't completely
sure why cats evolved to have them,
there are several
interesting theories.
I think
that it's maybe for protection,
just how my pads protect me
when I play football.
That's one of the leading theories.
When cats fight,
they often use their hind legs
to deliver rapid kicks
to their opponent's abdomen.
Maybe it's for storing food,
like this.
Some experts say
that the loose abdominal tissue
could help accommodate large meals.
Wildcats may go long periods
without eating,
followed by consuming
a large amount of food at once.
But like the other theories,
this is not conclusively proven.
I love it so much.
Even if it does kind of feel like they
might be ripping this show off.
Fun animal facts and phrases like
"this is not conclusively proven"?
Get off our fucking corner, Buffalo.
If the Bills ever move into video
explainers about subprime loans,
this show is done.
But we're actually gonna dive straight
in with our main story this week,
which involves
the midterm elections.
They're just two days away,
and last-minute rallies are
being held all over the country,
with perhaps the saddest being
Ken Paxton's on Thursday night,
which began
with this rousing speech.
We're probably about an hour out.
Do me a favor. Please don't leave.
And the reason why that is,
'cause I don't want
the media to turn it in,
saying that people
don't like Ken Paxton.
It's not our fault that we have jobs
we gotta do in the morning. I'm sorry.
Sure, but if you actually like
the person you're seeing,
you don't worry about work
in the morning, do you?
You don't leave a Springsteen
concert at 8:30 saying,
"Well, I was really hoping I'd see him
do 'Born to Run',
but it's a work night."
No, you drink two more beers and
get your joints loose for "Rosalita"
like a fucking adult.
Overall, things don't seem to be
looking great for Republicans now,
as they're on track to lose
the majority in the House,
and possibly the Senate, too.
And look, before anyone gets carried
away, polls can clearly be wrong.
You may remember that Iowa poll
right before the last election
showing Kamala Harris winning the
state, which, spoiler alert, she didn't.
As we now know, Iowa was instead
carried by Corn-Tar, Lord of the Stalks,
who rose from the fields at the eleventh
hour to claim his dark harvest.
There've been signs for months
that Republicans foresee some trouble.
In fact, at Trump's ridiculous
midterm convention,
he even led the crowd
in this desperate pledge.
I pledge…
…to the greatest president
in the history of the United States…
…that loves us so much
he can't even breathe…
Trump making the crowd pledge to him
that they would vote come November.
You know what happens
if you don't vote?
You go to hell. You know that.
Okay, there is so much there,
from asking people to repeat back
a sentence clearly too long for them,
to the line, "loves us
so much he can't even breathe."
What in the Paramore lyrics
is he even talking about there?
As for, "vote or you'll go to hell",
I'll say this: huge if true!
Imagine if Jeffrey Epstein
got to hell
and said,
"Oh, because of all the stuff?"
and the devil said, "No, actually,
lack of civic engagement!"
In the last month, Trump's been
crisscrossing the country
to try and drum up support
among his base,
even repeatedly telling his voters
to "pretend I'm on the ballot."
Which is a bold move,
given the extent to which his approval
rating has completely tanked.
In fact, just listen to this woman
at the Iowa State Fair explain
how she's seen support for him
ebb away,
before the reporter makes a big choice
to wrap up the piece.
Used to be, no matter where you
drove, they did it on the corn bales,
or the hay bales, everything,
"Trump, Trump, Trump."
Every place you went. Because we are
Republican where we're from.
You don't see any now.
You don't see any of them.
And Alex, I'll keep this quick
'cause I'm starting to get dizzy,
but we also heard expressions
of frustration
about President Trump's
up and down tariff policy.
And even President Trump's
most ardent supporters will say
that the tariffs aren't working yet,
they're just hoping
that they will work down the line.
That's what we're hearing from
voters here at the Iowa State Fair.
He shot that as if he expected
viewers to respond to him saying,
"We're here at the Iowa State Fair",
with, "Really? Fucking prove it."
And in hindsight,
I'm pretty sure the entire time
he was talking to that woman,
he was just staring at
the cotton candy sign behind her.
Just, "Yeah, that sounds really tough,
what you're going through.
Quick question: is there
an age limit on the rides here?"
'Cause next thing you know,
he's on a horsie
looking like a child of divorce getting
spoiled on Dad weekend.
But that fancy child reporter is right,
Trump's tariffs do seem
to have hurt him,
as have ICE raids all over the country,
and his war in Iran,
which has contributed to gas prices
being up 34% from a year ago.
And I know it feels very weird to boil
two years of violent chaos
down to "gas prices go up",
but affordability is something
many people do vote on!
I will remind you, part of the reason
we're in this mess right now
is because
of the price of fucking eggs.
It was mostly racism,
but it was partly eggs.
If Tuesday's midterms do turn out
to be a referendum on this president,
it's not looking great for him.
So given that, tonight, we thought
we'd take a look at the midterms,
the problems they've laid bare
for Republicans,
and some of the ways they're
desperately trying to solve them.
And let's start with the fact
that some Republican candidates
have, notably, been trying to
distance themselves from Trump.
One analysis found that
"more than 99% of GOP ad spending
is now going to spots
that do not mention him."
In fact, just watch this Michigan
Senate candidate, Mike Rogers,
when he tries to dodge being connected
to Trump in an interview last Sunday.
Is a vote for you a vote
for the Trump agenda?
I'm apologizing. I'm having
some difficulty in my earpiece.
But, "Is a vote for you…?"
I'm not sure.
I'll tell you what a vote for me is.
It's a great day
for the state of Michigan.
Yeah, nice try, Mike,
but that was pretty obvious.
I haven't seen someone
dodge a question that shamelessly
since I spent three hours gasping
aloud at two complete lunatics
who've never blinked once
in their lives.
If you want to talk about that movie,
please contact anyone who works here,
it's derailed our workflow
to an unacceptable degree.
Meanwhile, other Republicans have felt
the need to criticize Trump's policies,
like Florida congresswoman Maria
Elvira Salazar, who released this ad.
Mr. President, some of your immigration
enforcement efforts have gone too far.
Be careful what your advisers are
telling you about immigration policy.
The same Hispanics who helped you
get to the White House in 2024
feel betrayed today.
Okay, first, saying "some of Trump's
immigration enforcement efforts
have gone too far"
is like saying
"some Nic Cage performances
are a skootch unhinged."
You're technically right, of course,
but you're not really capturing
the true scope
of what we're talking about.
But also, that is a notable shift,
given just a year ago,
Salazar toured Alligator Alcatraz
and reassured reporters that
"no one likes to be inside a cage,
but I want to tell you
that the cages were clean."
Which is pretty fucked up,
in the same way it'd be fucked up
to say,
"Hey, nobody likes being
waterboarded, but I want to tell you,
it's all-natural spring water
they're getting!"
But she is not wrong that Hispanic
voters do seem to feel betrayed,
as among likely voters
in that demo,
Democrats recently led Republicans by
35 points on the congressional ballot,
up from a lead of just seven points
in the last presidential election.
Which shouldn't be surprising.
Because it's not just anger over
immigration enforcement,
Hispanic voters are also experiencing
the same affordability concerns
as everyone else,
as well as having to endure relentless
racism from the White House.
Just this week, its official Twitter
account posted,
"spooky season is here,"
with an image of a jack-o-lantern
with a sombrero on it.
Which is both racist and ridiculous,
as the sombrero is just objectively
one of the least scary hats.
Witch's hat, top hat,
sure, both creepy.
But if you're
walking alone in the woods,
someone comes around a corner and
all you can make out is their sombrero?
Brother,
something festive this way comes.
In fact, slap a sombrero
on the Babadook
and see how people's reactions
to him change.
But some Republican candidates
can't distance themselves from Trump,
as he's the one who got them
on the ballot in the first place.
During the primaries, he repeatedly
endorsed extreme MAGA types.
We've talked before
about Senate candidates
like Mike Collins in Georgia
and Ken Paxton in Texas.
But he also thumbed the scale in House
races, like in upstate New York,
where the Republican establishment
backed this more traditional candidate,
but Trump
endorsed Anthony Constantino,
the CEO of a sticker company
who first gained attention
by putting a giant Trump sign
on his factory,
something you can see in this photo
taken by someone who just hates him.
Constantino is running
in a deep-red district,
but his race now
seems up for grabs.
And when you learn more about him,
you can start to see why.
For starters,
he is a "pro-Trump rapper", apparently,
which is exactly as bad
as you would expect.
Just watch this video that he put out
last year attacking Zohran Mamdani.
Zohran, a trained actor,
he done fooled so many men,
but I see through you,
and I know just how this ends,
it don't end happy,
it don't end feliz,
it ends with you failing,
failing to achieve,
can't fuck with America, bitch,
this is New York City.
The home of Donald Trump,
Tupac, and Biggie.
Remember when they hit the towers?
They couldn't destroy us.
That boy Osama dead now,
and you're here to annoy us.
We know the terrorist dream
is destroy New York.
I wanna make the whole world
enjoy New York.
Hamilton was a mistake.
And yes, you heard right,
he did just rhyme "New York"
with "New York" there.
Which is frustrating, given there were
so many other options open to him,
like "fork," "stork"
or turning the camera off,
packing up his recording equipment
and never rapping again.
Trump pushed hard for Constantino
despite the fact
he doesn't seem
remotely ready for the job.
He was recently asked
if he knew the difference between
mandatory and discretionary spending
and said,
"mandatory means mandatory,
and discretionary
means discretionary."
And when the reporter responded,
"Well, right, but what
do those terms actually mean?"
he replied, "You tell me."
And that's not even his worst answer,
as when he was asked to simply name
the biggest city in his district,
he said, and I quote,
"I don't know, ask Grok."
Which we actually did,
and it said the biggest city
in New York's 21st district
is a big-titted Lola Bunny telling us
to kill ourselves.
It's a very useful tool.
The point is, Republicans seem to be
facing some significant headwinds.
At this point, it's worth looking at how
they're trying to overcome them.
Because it's mostly been litigation,
billionaire spending
and rank bigotry. And let's
talk about the litigation first.
Because the DOJ's launched
a bunch of baseless lawsuits
to try and seize states' voter rolls,
on which they're currently
0 for 27 in court.
They've also been preemptively
challenging the integrity of votes
in California and Alaska,
with the latter suit really
ramping up this week,
following reports that Democrats there
had carried out
an admittedly pretty dickish maneuver
to sow confusion on the ballot.
Tonight, a new headline rocking
the Senate race in deep red Alaska.
Two Dan Sullivans. The people
aren't gonna be able to tell.
And it's a fraud.
The New York Times reporting on
a secret Democratic plot
to sabotage the campaign of
Republican senator Dan Sullivan
by placing another candidate
with the same name on the ballot
to confuse his supporters.
Last week, President Trump told
the DOJ to file suit
to block certification
of Alaska's results
if Dan J. Sullivan
costs Senator Sullivan a win.
Democrats allegedly tried
to confuse voters
by getting another Dan Sullivan
to run.
Which, again,
confirms my theory
that when you hear
"secret Republican plot",
it's always some sort of elaborate
"House of Cards" chicanery,
but when you hear
"secret Democratic plot",
it is the most rinky-dink Scooby-Doo
clown car mix 'em up imaginable.
Now, both the Democratic
candidate's campaign
and the party's Senate campaign
committee have denied that report.
But it wouldn't be the first time
that tactic's been used.
In fact, it's been called
an "age-old election trick"
and has happened "up and down
ballots, across party lines."
It's also, crucially, not illegal.
That'd only be the case
if it involved things like "falsifying
residency documents,
laundering campaign funds,
or offering direct payments."
In fact, as one expert put it, "If
trying to confuse voters was a crime,
then every politician
would be in jail."
What's more,
as you can see from the ballot,
the Dan Sullivan who's the incumbent
Republican senator
is clearly marked "incumbent".
And while Trump has argued
that a lot of people
"don't know what incumbent means",
which does feel like he's really
telling on himself there,
when CNN talked to voters in Alaska,
they didn't seem that confused.
- Can you tell who's who here?
- Absolutely. Yeah.
You've got Daniel J. Sullivan Jr.
and then you have Sullivan, Dan,
who's a registered Republican
and incumbent.
And I don't even have
my glasses on.
It's pretty clear, it's in black
and white. It's very clear.
Yeah, and for what it's worth,
the sickest possible burn
from someone with any amount
of grey in their hair is,
"I don't even
have my glasses on."
If I don't have my glasses on and even
I can tell that something is clear?
Bitch, you are cooked.
And on top of that, Alaska actually
uses ranked-choice voting.
So, any theoretical person who doesn't
know what "incumbent" means
and wants to make sure their vote's
going to Senator Dan Sullivan
can just rank both of them
on the ballot.
And again, none of that
makes what Democrats are being
accused of good or okay,
but it does make it stupid and
meaningless, which if nothing else,
would be pretty on brand
for the party.
And yet, if Sullivan loses,
it seems inevitable Trump will try
to prevent his opponent
from being seated in the Senate, despite
there being no legal basis for that.
And that's just one of many ways
Trump and his administration
have tried to sow fear and doubt
ahead of this election,
from the ICE raid of Ilhan Omar's
home three weeks ago,
to his bullshit primetime address
on supposed "voter fraud" in July.
After that, DHS claimed
they were looking into
300,000 possible instances of fraud and
sank resources into bringing cases.
But when we asked them exactly how
many they've brought this term,
not even convicted, just charged,
they told us it was just 208.
Which is, you'll notice,
slightly under "300,000."
I can even tell that without
my fucking glasses on.
And all of this is clearly laying
the groundwork for election denial.
By one analysis, Trump's attacked
the integrity of elections
on more than 70% of the days
since he returned to office.
And just this week,
when asked if he'd commit
to accepting midterm results,
he said this.
And you'll respect the results
whatever happens?
I will, if they're honest elections.
Yeah, and that's a pretty
big disclaimer, isn't it?
It basically seems that Trump's
principles are essentially,
"if you don't vote, you go to hell"
and "if I don't win,
the whole thing can go to hell."
So, that is how Republicans are trying
to litigate their way out of trouble.
But they're also trying
to spend their way out of it.
Because while Democratic campaigns
have outraised Republican ones,
when it comes to outside
spending, it's not close.
The 40 biggest donors this election
cycle have given Republicans
more than three times the amount
that they've given Democrats,
with Elon Musk alone giving Republicans
at least 483 million so far.
And that money's bought
a lot of advertising,
with Democrats and Republicans
combining to spend
over 11 billion dollars just on ads.
That's, in part, why your TV has been
wall-to-wall with them for months now.
And some have been truly ugly,
like the one taken out
against Amy Acton,
who's running for governor in Ohio,
and which exploits
a hideous childhood trauma.
Acton was removed
from her mother's custody
when she was just 12 years old after her
stepfather was charged with raping her.
They haven't spoken since.
But now Acton's opponent,
Vivek Ramaswamy, has put
her mother in a campaign ad.
If you think she'll make your life
better, you're fooling yourself.
Acton calls the ad exploitative,
saying her mother is not well.
I think it was a horrible
and hideous thing to do, a sad thing.
Still tonight, President Trump
is defending the ad.
It's a very unusual situation to have
a mother hate a daughter that much.
Yeah, that ad is so blatantly toxic
that only the worst person
on Earth could buy into it,
and surprise, surprise, he did.
But it's not just Trump.
In the wake of significant criticism,
Ramaswamy actually doubled down
on his ad.
Voters deserve to know
what the truth is,
and the truth is
that this woman is a liar.
Jesus Christ! I would say that
he should be ashamed of himself,
but Ramaswamy clearly
has no sense of shame.
Which probably shouldn't be
news to anyone.
Not only was he briefly
the co-head of DOGE,
he was also apparently once
a libertarian rapper.
And if you are wondering
whether he was any good,
I'll let you be the judge.
Here he is showing off his free-styling
skills during a radio interview.
It's Vivek like cake, I'm not fake,
and I swim in a lake of truth.
That's me, Vivek, yeah.
I can't believe I'm about
to say this, but…
Anthony Constantino
is a better rapper.
And when Republicans haven't been
digging up horrifying traumas,
they've been defaulting to stoking
bigotry and fearmongering.
Take what's been happening
in Michigan,
where Senate candidate
Abdul El-Sayed
has been relentlessly targeted
with Islamophobic attacks,
including from Trump himself
on the campaign trail.
His name is actually
Abdulasumtalula.
It's Adulabababababa
Mohammed El-Sayed.
So, his middle name is Mohammed.
Mohammed El-Sayed.
I call him Mohammed.
Somebody said, "His name
isn't Mohammed! It's Abdul."
I said, "To me, it's Mohammed."
He would be the only senator
that will have to go
through a metal detector before
he's allowed to go into the Senate.
I want him
to have a metal detector.
If Abdul and the Democrats win,
they will open the floodgates
and invite
hoards of jihadists to our shores,
creating a nightmare of violence
and terror
until you cannot even have
a Christmas.
Look, that isn't just racist,
claiming El-Sayed's going to somehow
cancel Christmas is also absurd.
Because there are plenty of things
that could potentially
ruin someone's Christmas:
travel delays, a bad cold,
the release of another
Kevin Spacey Christmas message,
or, need I remind you, a president
who starts a stupid trade war
and then dismisses
price increases like this.
I don't think
a beautiful baby girl needs…
That's 11 years old,
needs to have 30 dolls.
I think they can have
three dolls or four dolls.
When you say they should have
three dolls instead of 30 dolls…
I'm saying they don't need
30 dolls…
Americans could see
empty store shelves?
I'm not saying that. I'm just saying
they don't need to have 30 dolls.
They can have three. They don't need
250 pencils. They can have five.
Yeah, don't worry,
11-year-old baby girls,
if anyone comes and takes your
precious dolls away this Christmas,
and the pencils
we all know you love,
it won't be a progressive
Senate candidate in Michigan.
It'll be a pudding-brained octogenarian
who still doesn't understand
what fucking trade deficits are.
And look, it shouldn't be surprising
that Trump engages in Islamophobia.
But the party seems more
than happy to join him in that sewer.
Just watch this attack ad
put out by the Republican
Senate Leadership Fund.
Abdul El-Sayed in his own words.
"When I die and stand before God
and go through
everything I did in my life,
I don't want to say
I did it the easy way
instead of the Sharia-compliant way."
The Sharia law way. What's that?
Using government
to dictate how women dress,
requiring they have a guardian,
or prohibiting women
from filing for divorce.
The Sharia law compliant way,
Abdul El-Sayed's way.
Okay, that is wildly misleading.
First, that quote comes
from an interview El-Sayed gave
17 years ago, when he was 24,
and was speaking to a reporter
writing about a Michigan bank
that offered a special kind of home
loan for Islamic customers.
Back then, he said he wanted
to conduct himself
in "the Sharia-compliant way",
meaning "using the religious code
as a guideline for his personal life",
you know, how most religions work.
And it is pretty bold as a move for
the Republican Senate Leadership Fund
to be like,
"Hey, don't vote for this guy!
He thinks the government should
take agency away from women!
Instead, why not vote for the party
that overturned Roe v. Wade?"
But it's not just Islamophobia.
In many states,
the biggest bet Republicans have made
has, once again, been on transphobia.
In basically every battleground state,
there've been a slew of misleading,
transphobic attack ads, often using
variation of the same familiar tagline.
Don Davis doesn't always
show up to work,
but when he does show up,
he's fighting for they/them, not us.
Mary Peltola works
for they/them, not for us.
Annie Andrews is for they/them,
not for our values.
Not for South Carolina.
Radical liberal James Talarico,
for they/them. Not you.
Normally, to hear that many
shitty pronoun jokes in a row,
you have to be watching
a Netflix special
someone got paid
millions of dollars for.
But, the level of bigotry this year
has been truly ugly,
and sometimes plain weird.
In Texas, Republicans went all-in
on the notion
that James Talarico isn't manly
enough to be senator.
After the primary,
Stephen Miller tweeted,
"The Democrats made history
in Texas by nominating
their first transgender
Senate candidate."
A PAC called Citizens for Sanity
released this ad
with an AI-generated Talarico singing
a parody of "My Favorite Things".
And the Paxton campaign itself
called Talarico "too low-T for Texas."
And come on! God forbid
a man use pomade, exfoliate
and generally try to look a little more
put together than Jabba the Slut here.
And even when Republicans
weren't doing shitty trans jokes,
they were implying
that Talarico was gay,
like when JD Vance did
this hilarious piece of crowd work.
Now before we get started…
I love you too, sir.
In a totally platonic way,
to be clear.
I'm the vice president,
not James Talarico.
For what it's worth,
I think the most baffling thing there
is someone yelling "we love you"
at JD Vance.
I didn't think
anyone genuinely loved that man.
I assumed his colleagues hate him,
his wife tolerates him,
and even his couch thinks of it more
as a no-strings-attached situation.
All that middle-school-level homophobia
somehow gets even weirder
given Trump's simultaneously
been absolutely slobbering
over the hotness of the male candidates
he's been promoting,
especially Ohio's Jon Husted.
I started off by studying his ass.
I just want to say.
And I examined his ass. His ass…
It's like a pile of muscle.
I'm examining his body.
And I said his ass
was like a big piece of muscle.
His feet were massive. His hands,
his fingers look like sausages.
My hands aren't bad,
but his fingers look like sausages.
Okay, hold on, his fingers
look like sausages?
Is that even good?
Is that a thing people want?
"God, he's so hot.
His fingers look like ground meat
bursting out of fake skin.
Shit, they look like they'd smell
bad if you left them in the sun.
Oh god, his fingers look like
they could give you botulism,
I think I'm gonna blow!"
The homophobia and transphobia
has been off the charts this year.
And what's wild is,
some Republicans will admit
this isn't even working for them.
Dade Phelan, a state representative
in Texas, has complained,
"We're still running transgender
ads. It's just not resonating…
What Republicans are talking about
is just not what the swing
voter is really interested in."
And that's the problem
for Republicans here.
Things are clearly broken,
it is not hard to tell who broke them,
and you can't fix things by just
screaming about gender or Muslims.
It honestly says something
about the degree to which
all this fearmongering may yet backfire
that when one Michigan voter
was asked about Abdul El-Sayed,
after being barraged with attack ads
against him, this was her response.
Do you worry that he's a bit too
left-wing to win in Michigan?
At this point,
what do we have to worry about?
Anything but what we have.
We're on our way to hell.
So, at this point, socialist, socialized,
social, don't matter to me.
Lower my cost of living.
Exactly. The point is,
voters are justifiably frustrated.
So, what does all this mean
will happen on Tuesday?
Well, to quote my second-least
favorite Republican rapper,
"I don't know, ask Grok."
But you can probably safely assume
that, if things don't go Trump's way,
he'll claim the election was rigged,
and do everything he can
to undermine the results.
Which is a strong argument
for you turning up to vote this year,
even in districts where you think
your candidates are safe.
For one thing, remember,
if you don't vote, you're going to hell.
But also, the bigger the results
for Democrats on Tuesday,
the harder they'll be for Trump
to litigate or deny.
Look, Trump has said he wants people
to pretend he's on the ballot this year,
but I'm not sure people
even need to pretend.
We're now almost halfway
through his second term,
he's had both the House and the Senate
on his side the entire time,
and look where it's got us.
Finally, on Tuesday, we have a chance
to apply some fucking brakes.
And if we can do that,
if we can finally send a message
to this administration
that people are not remotely
happy with what it's been doing,
then maybe, just maybe, we, like
Iowa's greatest ever child reporter,
will have earned ourselves
a little treat. And now this.
And Now: People on TV Revisit
Their Childhood Halloween Trauma.
- You go trick-or-treating as a kid?
- Of course I went.
Well, everyone didn't.
Of course I did not.
I know you didn't!
You say "of course" as if every
child goes. And of course.
Of course I did not.
My aunt got married on Halloween
when I was in seventh grade,
deprived me of that
which might have well been
my last possible night
of trick-or-treating.
No, I'm still not over it and that's
why she's cut out of my life.
I know my least favorite thing
when I was a kid with Halloween
is, like, if you had to put
a coat over your costume.
'Cause I would fight tooth and nail.
That's not how it's supposed to look!
What about you, Annette?
No scary movies?
- "Hocus Pocus" is my go-to.
- Is that scary though?
I've seen really scary stuff. I've had
bad experiences as a child.
So, I don't know who allowed me
to watch scary stuff as a kid.
It's all good.
This is a photo of me as a kid.
I was dressed up for Halloween.
It was a different time. I was
dressed up as Christopher Columbus.
But everyone knows
I'm not a big Halloween fan.
I got egged and shot at
with-by airsoft guns as a child.
They would throw apples
at my house. No.
I wish I had an apple
right now to throw at you.
Moving on. Before we go,
some quick news
about something very stupid
that's happening this month.
The Treasury Department's
apparently launching
a new 250 dollar coin
with Trump's face on it,
and when they do,
it'll join this one-dollar coin
that they released in September,
and which the U.S. treasurer
even promoted like this.
This is the Trump dollar coin.
It'll be in the banks next month.
And I want you to challenge you
to go get a roll of Trump
dollar coins next month,
and then I want you to go to
your favorite liberal coffee shop
with your Trump dollar coins,
buy a cup of coffee,
and watch their heads explode.
They will not like it, but I love it,
and I love this president,
and I love this coin.
That's a great idea.
You should definitely do that.
You should definitely buy a roll
of 25 one-dollar coins
for the low, low price of 61 dollars,
then go to a liberal coffee shop
and give them that money in
the middle of a cost-of-living crisis
caused by the man
with his face on the coins.
At every point, including when
you have to take out your phone
to prove to the barista that what
you have is actually legal currency,
you will definitely
be winning that interaction.
But the coins are just part of a series
of moves by Trump
to put himself on money.
In March, we learned his signature
would appear on future paper currency.
And in May, this happened.
Officials at the Treasury Department
are laying the groundwork
for a new 250 dollar bill featuring
President Trump's image.
A mock-up was first obtained
by the Washington Post.
It's meant to commemorate
the nation's 250th anniversary
and would be the first time
a living person
is featured on American currency
in more than 150 years.
Trump apparently wanted to put
himself on a 250 dollar bill,
with this portrait of him looking
mad at you for having it.
And look, it is not surprising that
he'd want to put his face on money.
Everything Trump does
is a nine-year-old's idea
of what it's like to be president,
including getting planes as presents
and buying all the hamburgers.
But interestingly, it's actually illegal
for him, or indeed anyone,
to put themselves on a bill,
for a pretty fascinating reason.
At the end of the Civil War,
Congress authorized a five-cent note.
The Treasury man in charge of printing
it was one Spencer Morton Clark.
For reasons known best to him,
Clark put a picture of himself
on the bill.
Members of the House hit the roof.
Martin Thayer of Dinwiddie County,
Pennsylvania, called it
"derogatory to the dignity
and the self-respect of the nation."
In 1866, he got Congress to ban images
of live individuals from our currency.
The reason it's currently illegal
to put a living person on currency
is because this guy
ruined it for everyone.
I'm not saying that Spencer Morton
Clark looks at all bad on that bill!
I think I speak for everyone
when I say, I absolutely would.
In fact, call
my ass "the five cent note"
because I want his face
in the middle of it.
But amazingly, that story understates
just how weird that incident was.
Because by some accounts,
Clark was only able to put his face
on the five-cent note
because Congress wanted to honor
William Clark of the Lewis
and Clark expedition.
But crucially, the document
that reached the Treasury
specified only that the new bill
should honor someone called "Clark",
without clarifying which one,
so Spencer M. here
seized the opportunity to "put his
own portrait on the notes" instead.
Which is just incredible!
The point is, this messy little bitch
is why it is currently illegal for
a living person to appear on currency.
History is amazing!
And if you're wondering,
"Now, well, hold on, if that
is true, how is Trump on coins?"
Well, the administration's currently
arguing that coins don't count.
And, okay! But set aside
the Trump currency for a moment.
I want to talk about something weird
we discovered while looking
into his proposed 250 dollar
bill, and it concerns the hundred.
Because, did you know there
are more hundreds in circulation
than any other bill right now?
It's true!
And that's actually
been the case for a while.
The 1 dollar bill was the most popular
currency in the U.S. for years.
But in 2017,
for the first time in history,
the 100 dollar bill
surpassed the one.
And today, 18.5 billion
100 dollar notes are in circulation.
Yeah, and that's a bit odd, isn't it?
'Cause you'd think
that singles have more uses,
from tipping, to vending machines,
to dollar stores, to lottery tickets,
to convincing children
that, for some reason,
a tiny, bone-hoarding fairy
broke into their bedroom
and purchased
their teeth for cash.
And the more you look
into the 100 dollar bill,
the more you realize everything
about it is kind of fascinating.
For instance, did you know
that U.S. currency used to come
in even larger denominations?
There used to be a 500 dollar bill,
with McKinley on it,
a 1,000 dollar bill,
with Grover Cleveland on it,
a 5,000 dollar bill
with James Madison on it,
and even a 10,000 dollar bill, with
Treasury secretary Salmon Chase on it?
And while I know it's not
the point, back in the 1800s,
we really were just
naming people "Salmon", huh?
Anyway, in 1969,
the government actually stopped
issuing bills larger than the hundred,
in part because
of internal concerns
that "large-denomination notes
were being used almost exclusively
by persons engaged
in illegal activities."
So now, the biggest bill is
the hundred, and apparently,
there are more of them
out there than anything else.
Which begs the question:
where are they?
Because you don't tend
to see that many of them, do you?
Well, one of the bill's biggest
fans is actually Steve Harvey,
who's even bragged about
how the hundred
is the only denomination he carries
around, for a truly spectacular reason
he once explained during
a behind-the-scenes moment,
in a Covid-era,
taping of "Family Feud".
It's like me, I don't deal in singles,
fives, 10s, 20s.
If I'm at a grocery store,
which that's never,
but if I give you a hundred
and your change, you give me change,
whoever's traveling with me,
I give them all the change.
If it's 20s, 10s, fives, if it's 80
dollars of change, I give it away.
I don't want nothing except hundreds,
'cause it's the law of attraction.
I only want hundreds.
That's the largest denomination
bill, that's what I attract.
So, I attract hundreds.
Because I don't want nothing else.
It's the law of attraction.
That might be
one of the weirdest, most fascinating
things anyone has ever said.
It turns out, the secret to building
wealth isn't saving aggressively
and investing wisely,
it's simply standing next to Steve
whenever he buys Tic Tacs.
But clearly, Steve Harvey
isn't hoarding all the hundreds.
So again, where are they?
Well, a surprising amount
actually end up overseas.
By one estimate, about 70%
of 100 dollar bills
were held abroad
as of the end of 2022.
And there are a bunch
of reasons for this.
A dozen countries and territories use
the dollar as their official currency,
with many others using it
alongside their own.
Also, people in countries experiencing
instability might prefer the hundred,
because, as one report
from the Fed put it,
they can be "a store of value
when the purchasing power of
the domestic currency is uncertain."
Which makes sense, doesn't it?
Basically, when everything else
fails, it's something you can rely on.
Think of the 100 dollar bill
like a little bag of diamonds,
or Merrit Weaver
in a supporting role.
It will always hold value.
But the hundred's also very much
the currency of choice for criminals.
When Saddam Hussein was found,
he had 750,000 dollars in hundreds.
When Whitey Bulger was arrested,
FBI agents found 822,000 dollars
hidden inside the walls
of his apartment,
much of which
was in 100 dollar bills.
And a seizure in Mexico over drug
and money laundering charges
once yielded 205 million in cash,
almost entirely in hundreds,
that looked like this.
It makes sense for criminals
to prefer the 100 dollar bill.
It's the most value in
the most compact space.
A million dollars in hundreds
weighs about 22 pounds,
while a million in twenties obviously
weighs five times as much.
And for drug cartels in particular,
a big part of their business
is just figuring out how to move large
quantities of paper money around.
In fact, very often,
the cash from drug sales
is converted into hundreds or fifties,
vacuum sealed,
then concealed in the structure
of cars or trucks.
Watch as a Border Patrol team starts
prying open a car at the Mexican border
and pulling blocks of cash out
from under its windshield.
Yeah, I can't reach that.
It's like a little mouse.
But each cartel
has their own markings.
It's the way they distinguish where
it's coming from and who it's going to.
It all depends on what
denominations these are in.
So, these are hundreds.
Okay, let's be clear about what
the most interesting thing is there:
cartels will sometimes mark their
stacks of cash with a little mousie
to identify who they belong to.
And I really hope that means
that this particular stack
belongs to a powerful drug kingpin
who also just happens to be a mouse.
Say hello to my little friend.
It's frankly no wonder that,
as one expert put it,
100 dollar bills play little role in the
functioning of the legitimate economy,
yet a crucial role
in the underground one.
And all of this is why some
have suggested
the hundred should actually be
phased out. Which might make sense.
To be clear, the bills
in circulation would still be valid,
we'd just stop printing any more,
and then retire them
whenever they return to banks.
Essentially, the exact same thing
we did with all the old denominations.
And look, even if we don't phase out
the hundred, it is pretty clear
that we absolutely shouldn't be
making a bill any larger than it.
All of which brings us back
to Trump's 250 dollar bill.
Because hopefully, you can now see
why that is an even worse idea
than it initially sounds.
If you take one thing away from
this piece, it should probably be that.
If you take a second thing away,
it should be that we used to put
certified smoke shows on our money.
And if you take a third thing away,
if you ever see Steve Harvey
in an airport
buying a magazine for his flight,
try and get as close to him
as you can,
because you now know he's going
to pay with a hundred,
and he's about to make it rain
all over a Hudson News.
And now, this.
And Now: Our Annual Look at the
Wonder That Is Halloween on Local TV.
Welcome to our second hour of news
here on WXXV News 25
on this beautiful Thursday.
- I'm Batman.
- And I'm Wednesday Addams.
I'm Dave Morales and this is
my costume. Guess who's back?
Back again. Beetlejuice is back.
Tell your friends.
We planned to be Dionne
and Cher from the movie "Clueless".
- One of our costumes arrived.
- So one of our costumes arrived.
Your eyes do not deceive you,
Gaston and Maleficent.
It is I, Hades,
the king of the underworld.
Also known as your producer, Teddy.
I apologize how far this is unzipped
in the front. I put a microphone on.
- I was seeing a lot of hair.
- That is a lot.
I did not want to be the back half.
Matt was afraid that…
We thought
it was better for optics.
- That I was behind you?
- That you were behind me.
Monday and Monday night
is likely going to be
the wettest of the next week.
Sounds perfect, Rueben.
Thank you so much for…
- I can't.
- It's okay.
I can't!
That's our show, thanks so much
for watching, we'll see you next week!
Go get those geckos!