Bob's Burgers s15e19 Episode Script

1
[GENE] Mm, mm, mm.
Gene, what are you doing?
You're supposed to be
refilling the ketchups.
Already finished.
Now I'm workshopping a new
character Neil Arm-tongs.
"Hi. You might know
me from the Moon ?"
- Ooh, hello, Your Majesty.
- Mm.
Okay, Gene's done with
the ketchup and mustards,
I'm done wiping menus,
especially if you don't look too hard.
Tina, where're we at on napkins?
And they're in.
Locked and spring-loaded.
Well, I'm proud of the work we did.
Time for our morning break.
Right. Look, uh, I know
you guys have this whole new
"taking Saturday mornings off
to go ride around town" thing
Yeah, we're the Saturday
Morning Adventure Kids.
- Or SMAK for short.
- Kids love SMAK.
Uh-huh. But we're kind of getting into
cruise ship season here
and it could get busy today for lunch.
And it's not really a morning break
if you don't get back
until mid-afternoon.
Father Time over here.
What I'm saying is, maybe
you don't do SMAK today?
Wait, are you trying to
take away our SMAK, bro?
Your father's just saying we
need you in the restaurant,
and you're always late coming
back from your little trips.
Little trips? We are
seeking adventure, lady.
We can't just spend every
weekend day of our lives
trapped in this
soul-sucking restaurant.
No offense.
- Mm-hmm.
- We should be getting out there,
stumbling upon stolen
treasure in a pirate's cave,
finding a dead body
near the train tracks,
helping an alien get back home.
Maybe we should stop watching
'80s movies for a little while.
That's exactly what an
'80s movie dad would say.
And plus, we haven't even
had our amazing adventure yet.
Just a lot of meh 'ventures.
Oh, I don't know.
Remember when we found that shell?
On the beach?
You know the one I'm talking about.
Yeah, I think we can beat that.
What about when we found that rock?
Oh, wait, I'm thinking of the shell.
[SIGHS] An adventure
should be exhilarating,
maybe a little dangerous.
Or a lot dangerous.
Eh, I like my adventures
how I like my frozen yogurt.
Small, vanilla, and with
one gummy bear on the side.
Well, I like adventures where
you come to work on time.
And adventures where someone
buses all the nasty dishes
who's not me.
Okay, what if we promise we'll be back
by no later than 11:00
in the A of the M?
Um, no, thanks. Only because
your promises mean nothing.
Yeah, no.
How about this time, if
we're late, we'll never take
another Saturday morning
adventure break again.
- [GASPS]
- Wait, what?
- We'll get off the SMAK.
- Oh. - Hmm. Interesting.
Louise, may I speak
with you for a moment?
I'm not so sure about this.
I don't want to lose our
Saturday morning adventures.
That's when Tina gets to cut loose.
Yeah, I need a break from the rat race.
Did you know rats race in our basement?
Guys, it's fine.
We'll for sure this time become
really good at not being late.
- They'll never be back on time.
- I know, what are they thinking?
And then we get them every
Saturday morning forever.
Okay, now you sound like a supervillain.
[SINISTER VOICE] Forever
- So, it's a deal?
- Deal. 11:00.
Hey, take the lost and found watch
to keep track of time.
It's only a little ugly.
Don't make me wear that thing!
Oh, good, Tina's wearing it.
Looks great
[TINA PANTING]
Seems like we're riding
kind of far away from home?
Maybe not the best way
to stay on schedule?
She said, responsibly,
but also super chill.
Tina, we've tried our neighborhood.
It's a dud. That's why none
of the other neighborhoods
- are friends with it.
- Oh, ho-ho-ho.
A boat scrapyard?
Well, how a-boat that?
Come on, let's take a look.
Yeah. Let's go check out some scraps.
- A whole yard of 'em.
- [TINA] Okay
Are they open? I don't
see any adults around.
And you know what they
say: the best adventures
have adult supervision. Ha.
Eh, the adults are probably
all busy scrapping stuff.
That's on brand.
[TOILET FLUSHES]
What? Don't judge.
All right, I'm closing the door.
Like yours are so great.
Okay, I'm seeing lots
of potential tetanus
and things that could
fall down on top of us.
So, that's fun.
But also maybe we go somewhere
with less of that stuff?
Tina, come on, look at this place.
We're in an apocalyptic
wasteland of boats.
It's my childhood dream. From just now.
Yeah, weird seeing them on land.
With their boat privates
hanging out and everything.
Ooh, a ladder.
I think that boat
wants us to climb on it.
It'd be rude if we didn't, right?
Okay. I guess I like its name.
Yachters Gonna Yacht.
This already beats the shell.
Well, we'll see.
[ENTRY BELL RINGS]
- Hey, Teddy.
- Hi, Teddy.
Shh. They're sleeping.
Who's sleeping? Wait, what is that?
- It's my butterfly kit.
- Oh, the butterfly kit!
- Shh.
- Oh, sorry, sorry.
I told you this, Bob.
I accidentally got sent a butterfly kit
and a bunch of caterpillars.
And I called the company to
see if I should return them,
they said, "No, if you return them,
all the caterpillars will die,"
and I said, "How could you
put me in this position?!"
And they said, "Sorry,"
and I said, "I-I don't
know if I'm ready for this,"
and they said, "Sir,
we have to hang up now,"
and, anyway, I kept them.
- Okay.
- Aww.
And now they're in cocoons?
Chrysalides, Bob. Cocoons are for moths.
Yeah, Bob. And for Wilford Brimley.
And then he could do all
those cannonballs in the pool.
Uh-huh. Why are they
here? In our restaurant?
Well, it takes about ten days
of pupation butterfly term
and then they will emerge triumphantly.
It's been about nine and a half days,
so it could happen at any moment.
Aw, I want to emerge
triumphantly from somewhere.
I-I've been bringing
them around with me today
so I don't miss it.
I brought them on a job this morning.
I had to hammer really softly.
It took a lot longer.
And hopefully no one puts
any weight on that balcony.
Wait, what?
Also, I haven't taken
a shower in two days.
Just in case, you know?
I'm using wet wipes.
- They're good enough, Bob.
- Mmm. I don't think they are.
No, Teddy. No.
This steering area is my area.
I'm kind of the captain.
Which makes sense.
- I think we all feel good about that.
- I'm fine with it.
I'm set up here near the pointy part.
I see my role as more
"philosopher DJ pointy part point-man."
I'm fine with it, too.
I found this pretty
comfortable bench back here,
so I think maybe my role is more
"passenger who sits in the back
and makes fun of the other yachts"?
Hey, nice yacht. Not.
Sorry.
All right, I'm headed
to the dermatologist.
My Utah-shaped mole is starting to look
a little more like Florida.
So, you're on, pal.
Who's my scary guard dog?
You are.
Mwah.
[GATE RATTLING]
[LOCK CLICKS]
The waves are so wavy.
As your captain, I have
to say I've got this.
But as your friend, I'm
gonna tell you, I'm scared.
[EXCLAIMS] We also hit an iceberg!
And then a great white shark ate us!
Oh, my God! Oh, my God! So much blood!
- The end.
- So, should we head to shore
and give ourselves plenty of time
to get back before 11:00?
I could go back to being a land ho.
Yeah, we can go.
Boats are probably more
fun with water, anyway.
Women and children first.
Oh, that's all of us.
- [BARKING]
- [SCREAMS]
- [EXCLAIMING]
- Dog!
- No!
- Big scary dog!
- [SCREAMS]
- Where'd he come from?
From nightmares?!
Uh, maybe there's a
ladder on the other side?
That, uh, he doesn't know about?
- [SCREAMING]
- No!
He's everywhere! What do we do?
Maybe scream with our sweet,
little innocent voices?
- [TINA] Help!
- [GENE] Help!
[LOUISE] Small children in danger!
[GENE] Kate Winslet, give me strength!
- [ALL] Help!
- [BARKING]
- Help!
- Help!
Are there no adults in this scrapyard?
Who is in charge of keeping
mischievous children from getting in?
What do we do?!
Our Saturday mornings
are on the line here, man.
Why'd you have to make that
deal with Mom and Dad, Louise?
- Are we sure that was my idea?
- [TINA GROANS]
What if we distract him with some ham?
- Do you have any?
- Damn it, no.
Of all the days to not have pocket ham.
We got to get off this boat.
How? W-We can't go on the ground.
Do we just use the not-ground way?
Ah, yes, we take the not-ground way.
- What?
- The boats are close enough together.
We can pull up the ladder and use it
like a bridge to go between them.
We climb from boat to boat
until we get to that fence over there.
So we're playing "the floor is lava,"
except instead of lava,
it's a terrifying dog
that, frankly, I don't love-ah.
Then we climb down the
fence, get our bikes
and we'll be back to the
restaurant before 11:00.
Easy-peasy, yay Louise-y.
Ah! There's nothing
easy about those peasies.
Come on, let's pull up the ladder.
[DOG BARKING]
Why are you so angry?
Maybe stay off social media.
Bob, it's kinda hard
to pick up my coffee
when I'm looking at this thing.
Could you put the cup in my hand?
I want to keep my eyes
on the butterflies.
Oh. Uh, okay.
I'm trying, but you
keep moving your hand.
- Here. Right here.
- I know, but you keep moving it
- the other way while I
- Come to me.
- Find me, Bob.
- Just hold still.
There, you got it. That's it.
That wasn't so hard, was it?
[SIGHS] Maybe you should wait
until they start hatching?
'Cause y-you've been filming a while.
Nah, I still have three percent
on my battery, so I'm good.
- [ENTRY BELL RINGS]
- Hey, Mort.
- Oh, hi, Mort.
- Hello.
Ooh, is that a butterfly kit?
I got my niece one of those.
Butterflies aren't just for kids, Mort.
They're for everyone.
You know, I read a book
about butterflies once.
Did you know that some
of them eat their young?
- What?
- And also animal feces.
- Ugh.
- And male butterflies
actually pump fluid through
their digestive tract
and release it from
their anus during mating.
- Stop it, Mort! Just stop it!
- Sorry.
- It's called "puddling."
- Argh!
- [PHONE POWERS DOWN]
- No!
No, the battery died! Damn it, Mort!
- What?
- Shush!
- [BARKING]
- [TINA] Uh
Tina, can you save the groaning
for when you crawl across?
- Yup, got it.
- Don't look down.
That's where the dog is.
Yes, thank you. I'm aware.
But good to check in.
Okay, see? So [CHUCKLES]
do it perfectly like I
did and you'll be fine.
Ahh! Just pretend you're
in Cirque du Soleil
and you love your job
and you get paid in croissants.
Nice. Gene, you did it.
[RELIEVED LAUGH]
Right, see? No big deal.
Your turn, Tina, go.
Don't worry. It's only terrifying
right before you start
and then the whole time you're doing it.
[LADDER CREAKING]
[EXCLAIMS] Why is the
ladder making those noises?
Ladders make all kinds of noises.
It just means they're working.
Why didn't it make noises with you guys?
Because we believed in ourselves more?
Maybe it's that boob weight?
And you need to throw
your boobs overboard?
Uh
[PANTING] Phew.
Are we free yet?
Oh, no! Who put the fence
all the way over there?!
[STOMACH GROWLS]
[MOANING]
- What's wrong, Teddy?
- Coffee's kicking in.
- If you know what I mean.
- Oh. So, go to the bathroom.
- I-I can't leave 'em.
- Well, then take them.
Haven't they been to the
bathroom with you before?
Ah, not like this, Bob.
I-I don't want them coming
into the world experiencing
what's gonna happen in there.
I-I'll just hold it.
Ah! It hurts. It hurts so much, Bob. Ow!
Just go to the bathroom,
Teddy. I'll watch them.
[PANTING]
I'll be fine. I'm gonna be fine.
Teddy, just go.
- [GROANING]
- Please, Teddy.
Go to the bathroom.
- No!
- They won't hatch
in the time you go to
the bathroom, so go.
O-O-Okay. Okay. Okay.
[MOANING]
Aww, I want to watch the
cocoons while Teddy poops.
- Huh
- What?
- They're moving.
- They are?
Oh, my God. A-Are they hatching?
- Oh, boy. Yeah.
- They look like they're hatching.
- They are, yeah.
- Oh Uh, Teddy?
- [TEDDY] What's up?
- They're hatching!
- [TEDDY] What?
- Get out here now.
They're hatching.
[TEDDY] No! No, no!
- They're beautiful.
- [TEDDY] No, no, not like this!
Oh, you got to Hurry!
- It is amazing.
- I can't believe this.
- That is so cool.
- [TEDDY] Oh, no! No!
Okay. Good work, everybody.
If people didn't know us,
they'd think we carry ladders
around boats all the time.
[GENE] I just pray we don't
get a ladder infection.
[LOUISE] Now all we have to do
is put the ladder between here
and that hole in the big boat,
and we crawl into the middle of it.
And then we go through and
climb over to the fence.
And the dog will just have
to be vegan for the day.
[GENE] Like Ken when he went
to that Morrissey concert.
Uh, that boat looks
not good to go inside.
What? The S.S. Falling Apart?
It's fine. But also, you
should go first probably.
- Thanks. Oh.
- [CREAKING]
And there's the ladder's
trademark creaking noises.
Just a part of its quirky charm. Heh.
[CREAKING LOUDLY]
Okay, that sound sounded like
the ladder's angry at me now.
I thought we were cool.
Just keep moving, Gene.
Hey, all things considered,
pretty good adventure, right?
You know, you could use
this time to think about
how you maybe want to thank me
for this unforgettable experience?
Could be a ceremony, could be a plaque,
maybe T-shirts
[SCREAMING]
Louise! Don't get eaten!
I don't want us to be one of
those weird two-kid families!
I just need to [GRUNTS]
[SIGHS] Wow. You would
do really well in P.E.
if there was always a
bloodthirsty dog there.
- [LOUISE] Thanks.
- [SIGHS] Okay, time check.
Tina, what's your ugly watch say?
We have a half hour.
So, maybe, possibly,
we'll make it back in time.
And rub it in Mom and Dad's face.
Huh. And we have found
ourselves back in a kitchen.
- Why is this our life?
- We don't have this in our kitchen.
Do sailing people stir soup with these?
That's a crowbar.
Probably using it to
scrap all the scraps.
It's heavy. My muscles
want to put it down.
So, should we leave this kitchen
and go back to the one
we're supposed to be in?
Yeah. Let's get this dumb
ladder that tried to kill me
to the other side of the boat.
We're giving you one more shot.
You got that, Mr. Mean Breaky Ladder?
If that's even your real name.
[METAL RUMBLING AND SCREECHING]
- What's going on?
- Rough waves.
We should've taken Dramamine.
[CRACKLING]
[SCREAMING]
[GRUNTING]
[PANTING]
Anybody else feel that?
What the hell? Are we upside down?
I think, m-maybe the boat rolled over?
'Cause the floor's up there
and, uh, we're standing on the ceiling.
Lionel Richie was wrong.
I don't feel like dancing at all.
Well, the good news is
we made it to the fence.
The bad news is
it's doing its job really
well and fencing us in.
Okay, not feeling as
good about our chances
to get back in time
as I did a minute ago.
- We were different people back then.
- Right-side-up people.
Maybe this is a way out?
- [BARKS]
- [KIDS EXCLAIM]
[GENE] Oh, yeah, the dog.
There he is. Never change, bro.
Well, we can't go that way.
But it seems like the
dog can't come in here,
so that's good.
Should we try that way?
[TINA] Keep exploring the
upside-down collapsing boat? Great.
Boy, really makes you appreciate floors.
[GENE] Eh, I'm gonna keep
taking them for granted.
It's our system.
Oh, they're beautiful.
Ew, unless you look close up.
That butterfly's a real butter face.
Hi, little guys. It's me.
Teddy. From before.
When you were caterpillars? Remember?
We watched Dateline,
and we'd laugh and laugh. [CHUCKLES]
So, you should probably
let them go now, right?
Yeah, probably.
Oh. Yeah. Right.
- You're not moving.
- Yeah. No, uh
- Should you, though?
- Uh-huh.
- So soon?
- Well, I was thinking.
Well, what if they just stay with me?
- Uh Wait, what?
- What?
No, Teddy. They can't
stay trapped in there.
They need to be free.
Every family's different, Linda.
Besides, some butterflies
love captivity.
- Uh
- I'm pretty sure that's not true, Teddy.
I-I'll look it up.
Do. Some. Butterflies.
Love. Captivity.
With. The. Right. Guy?
You know what, I-I
don't trust the Internet.
Besides, the butterflies
like it in there.
Don't you, little guys?
I think they're banging
their heads on the side.
- No, they're just excited.
- Did that one just say "help me"?
No, no. They're happy.
Ooh, bunk beds.
I call top bunk. I mean, bottom bunk?
Ahh, these are the type
of upside-down issues
you can't foresee!
- Is that sunlight?
- Ooh. That could be good.
Sunlight's usually outside, right?
I'll just climb up and take a look.
We'll stay down here.
It takes a pretty disgusting mattress
for me to not want to lie on it.
- Gene, no!
- [SQUISHES]
Instant regret.
- How's it looking up there?
- Well, this hole's small,
just big enough for my head.
And up there where the
sunlight's coming through,
I'm seeing a hole the size of a penny.
So, we're not getting out this way.
I'm really mad at both of those holes.
- [DOG GROWLING]
- Guys. Shh. Listen.
[GROWLING CONTINUES]
Oh, my God. Is that the dog?
Does he sound like he's in here?
- Nah.
- [DOG BARKS]
- Okay, yeah.
- The dog's in the boat!
- The dog's in the boat!
- Do you think he's here for us
or maybe he just left his phone in here?
Where is he? Where is he?
- [GROWLING]
- [METAL RATTLES]
- Oh!
- Crap!
[LOUISE] Okay, b-back into the kitchen!
- The cabinets.
- I know. They're so outdated.
Oh, for hiding.
[BARKING]
[GRUNTING]
[BARKING]
[ALL SIGH]
Wait, if we hide in a cabinet,
are we gonna seem even more like snacks?
It's exactly what a snack would do!
And we all know I kind
of already look like
a walking cake pop.
Should we check to see
if he's still out there?
- [BARKS]
- [SCREAMS]
He is. Good to know.
Um, Tina, would you mind
toning down the glaring a bit?
Also, your angry, hot breath
it's just such a small space.
Oh, is that bothering you?
Here, let me just
- [EXAGGERATED EXHALES]
- Ugh
How's your adventure going, Louise?
You know, the dangerous
one you made us go on?!
Eh, fair. Pros and cons.
You were too good for the shell, huh?
Guys, we're gonna be okay.
I just found tongs in here.
Which means we've got American hero
Neil Arm-tongs with us.
- Hello.
- Not now, Neil.
I'm sorry, all right?
I just wanted to have
an exciting Saturday.
Something to talk about
when we're old and gray,
like Mom and Dad.
But now we're gonna get killed.
And I guess I kind of
feel bad about that.
Yeah. I feel good about
you feeling bad about that.
- That's fair.
- Ugh!
Huh.
Great. Another unhelpful hole.
Or I guess it's more
of an unhelpful crack.
If only these holes and
cracks could come together,
but it t'aint gonna be.
Guys, we've been trying to
find the perfect opening, but
I think we're gonna
have to make our own.
Um, I don't want to poke
holes in your hole-poking plan,
but isn't that steel?
Isn't steel hard to bend?
It's always been that way for me.
Th-The crowbar.
If we can get it, I think
we can get out of here.
And we're also gonna need those tongs.
Make Mama proud, Neil.
[LOUISE] Okay, everybody ready?
We're sure it has to be
me that goes down there?
- Yes.
- 'Cause when I thought of the plan,
I wasn't thinking it was me.
I was thinking maybe it was not me?
- Well, Gene's on tong duty.
- Killing it.
And I'd go, but you're taller.
And it'll be easier for
you to climb back up.
Also, you're old.
Gene and I have our
whole lives ahead of us.
Okay, fine. Damn it.
Gene, you're on.
- [DOG BARKING]
- Hey, big fella.
I heard you like smells.
I've got your favorite. Smelly boy sock.
[BARKING FEROCIOUSLY]
[EXCLAIMING]
You can do it. And if you
don't make it, I love you.
Don't tell anyone I said that.
[TINA] Uh
[BARKING]
[SCREAMS]
- [BARKING]
- Oh, God! Oh, God!
Ah !
Wow. Tina. You did it.
I know. It's like damn, girl.
[NASAL VOICE] And I did a good job, too.
Neil, you did fine.
Let's hope this works.
All right, time to crowbar
our asses out of here.
[GRUNTING]
- Huh.
- Is it working?
If it is working, it has
a weird way of showing it.
Oh. We can use this.
Tina, this is no time
for a delicious sauce.
No, we can put this under
the crowbar, for leverage.
What do you mean, leverage?
Are you trying to say cleavage?
What are you trying to say?!
Remember that Saturday morning adventure
when we tried to move
that log with a stick
and it didn't move, a-and
then we put the stick
against the rock and then it did move?
- Oh, yeah.
- That was a good adventure.
- When the log moved a little.
- Come on.
[ALL GRUNTING]
Aha! Yes! [LAUGHS]
Me first.
I mean, who Who wants to go first?
Oh, you want me to go? Okay.
You saved my life, tongs.
But I'm still gonna drop you
back in this dirty, old ship.
Goodbye. I love you.
Whew. This is my favorite
side of the fence.
Yeah, the other side sucks.
No offense, fence.
- [BARKING]
- Ugh, this dog won't quit.
It's, like, a really good guard dog.
But not good at eating kids. [LAUGHS]
As En Vogue once said,
"You're never gonna get it."
Tina, ugly watch time check.
- Uh-oh.
- What?
[TINA] It's gonna be tight.
Okay.
Nope, nope, not ready.
Oh, God.
Hmm. The kids are almost late.
I have to say, I do love winning
a bet against our children.
Me, too. But I always
get a little worried
when they're late.
What if they fell in the ocean,
or they're smoking some vapers,
or they're being chased
by a dog or something?
That's why I don't want
to let the butterflies go.
It's a scary world out there.
Oh, but I'm sure your kids are fine.
Teddy, please just let them go.
I-It's the right thing to
do and more importantly,
I really want to go back inside.
Fine.
All right, guys.
It's time for you to go off on your own.
Make me proud. Do great things.
Goodbye, Tyler. Goodbye, Jessica.
Goodbye, Eduardo.
Be better than me.
Take care of each other.
[PANTING] 10:59, suckas.
Oh. You're back. Crap.
- I mean, hi.
- So, how was your adventure?
Did you do anything exciting?
[GASPING] Too exciting. Heh.
I mean, we're fine, and
and we don't want to
have to get into details,
but Mom and Dad, the
world is a dangerous place
and you should've never
let us leave the house.
Oh, my God. I knew it.
Come back! Tyler!
Jessica! Eduardo!
Come back! Come back! [SOBBING]
Well, I'm glad you're
home safe and not dead.
And not covered in vapes.
And I guess you get to keep
your really helpful
Saturday morning adventures.
Uh-huh. Next Saturday,
you know what I'd love?
- A nice morning in.
- What?
I want to get back out
there. I want some more SMAK.
- I'm thinking parkour
- Mmm
- Cliff diving.
- Eh.
- Bounty hunting?
- [GENE] Mmm.
Maybe.
Hello. Are you open and do you have
a cruise customer discount?
Oh, it's so good to get
off that boat for a while.
You don't know the half of it.
[LAUGHING]
I'm gonna go lie down.
Ooh, baby, baby,
it's a wild world ♪
It's hard to get
by just upon a smile ♪
[VOCALIZING]
Ooh, baby, baby,
it's a wild world ♪
[VOCALIZING]
And I'll always remember
you like a child, girl ♪
Now that I've lost
everything to you ♪
You say you want to
start something new ♪
And it's breaking my
heart you're leaving ♪
Baby, I'm grieving. ♪