Bob's Burgers s15e22 Episode Script

1
Kids, can you take out the trash?
[LOUISE] I feel like
we're always hogging it.
Are you sure you don't want to do it?
No, I'm cleaning the grill.
Should it be that hard for you?
Probably not.
Oh, and take that pickle jar, too.
They were on sale, and now I know why.
They turned all mushy.
Doesn't sound like
a dill-breaker to me.
- [CHUCKLES]
- Also, Dad,
stop talking about your mushy pickle.
- Mm.
- Oof, busy day, huh?
We gave a lot of
burgers good homes today.
Well, that one guy looked
like a serial killer,
but sometimes people just are.
[SIGHS] I'm exhausted.
Carry me upstairs?
Aw, I wish I could.
I'd Officer and a Gentleman you.
Let you wear my hat.
And I'd let you Richard my Gere.
So, what are we thinking, smashy-smashy?
Wait. I'm gonna try one
of these mushy pickles.
And you guys aren't gonna judge me.
- Hmm. Mushy.
- But still flickable.
- Flickable pickles?
- Huh.
Little garbage frisbees.
New world record for distance
for this thing we just started doing.
[GRUNTS]
[GASPS] Pickle slices stick to things?
What grade did we learn that in?
[TINA] Mine's highest. I win.
- Yay me.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, my turn. [GRUNTS]
- Oh, flick yeah.
- Kids?
- What are you doing?
- Just enjoying some alley air.
You're not eating mushy
garbage pickles are you?
- No
- Just throwing them away.
Like good little children.
Well, come upstairs. Who's got homework?
It's not home "work" when you
love what you do [CHUCKLES]
Which I don't, so,
yeah, I have homework.
[BOB] Oh, my God.
Helping the kids with
homework is so hard.
And I don't even know
if we were that helpful.
Speaking of homework, when's
your book report due, nerd?
Ha. It's Skip Marooch's book.
It's actually really interesting.
It's about how he
traveled around the world
to come up with all these recipes.
He spent two years perfecting
his famous Marooch Mint Sauce.
Two years to make a sauce?
You make a burger of the day every day.
Yeah, but those just come and go.
Skip Marooch has recipes that are taught
in culinary schools.
[SCOFFS] Culinary schools.
What's a culinary anyway?
No one knows. Ooh.
I just feel like when
I was younger I had
so much more time to
think about this stuff.
There's so many unfinished
ideas in my notebook.
Look. "Burgundy burger."
Was that wine in a burger
or was it burger wine?
Mmm, burger wine.
And here it just says “anchovies ”
with a question mark.
[GROANS] Oh, I mean, ooh.
"Horizontalizing the vertical burger"?
What does that even mean?
- Is that genius?
- Eh.
I feel like I'm barely
making it through the day,
but if I just had the time,
I could come up with
something really great.
N-Not a burger of the day. Like, uh,
a-a burger of the year.
Oh, wow.
[SNORING]
Yep.
♪
[SNORES] It's nice to meet you,
little commercial lizard.
You're my favorite actor.
[ALARM BUZZING]
♪
And I'm in.
[YAWNS] Wow, Skip spent three months
growing his own
different strain of rice.
What a freak. I mean, cool.
Okay, I'm going to sleep.
Yeah. I should, too.
[SIGHS] I hope I don't have
another night like last night.
Poor Bob.
Hey, you know what
always puts me to sleep?
Mm, me talking?
Yeah, but if you're not here what I do
is I imagine I'm grocery
shopping with Oprah
and we have to buy everything
in alphabetical order.
Why with Oprah?
Well, who the hell else would it be?
A apples.
B bananas.
C corn.
D Delicious corn.
- Mm.
- [SNORING]
♪
Damn it.
[ALARM BUZZING]
♪
[SIGHS] If I can't
sleep, then I'll cook.
Marooch Mint Sauce, here we go.
Let's get mint-al.
[LAUGHS]
Ah, I'm funny at night.
♪
[ALARM BUZZING]
♪
- Dad! Dad!
- Wake up.
- Emergency!
- [BOB GASPS]
Wha-What? What is it?
It's time to watch
TV, so make some room.
Oh.
How-how long was I asleep?
Long enough for us to give
you a spaghetti unibrow.
Oh.
I told them no spaghetti
beard, no spaghetti glasses.
Just unibrow.
Here, have some dinner.
Thanks. Sorry I slept through it.
Apology accepted and
let's get that TV on?
You got to figure out
this sleeping thing, Bobby.
I know. But, actually, last
night was pretty productive.
Making Skip's mint
sauce gave me some ideas
for the anchovy burger
thing from my notebook.
Aunt Jovi? Is that Bon Jovi's aunt?
Uh, lot of chatter during TV time.
- Yeah.
- I mean, cooking
in the middle of the
night was kind of great.
Okay, but you're kind of a zombie.
Nighttime is for sleeping.
Three nights in a row is ridiculous.
People, please, the TV is talking.
[SIGHS] Sorry about my family, TV.
Good night, Bob. And I mean it. Sleep.
- Okay.
- Sleep!
I will. I'll-I'll try.
♪
[BOB GIGGLING]
You doing all right, Bob?
Because you look awful.
And I'm only saying that because you do.
- Oh, I'm better than all right, Ted.
- Ted?
'Cause up here, things are happening.
Okay, well, great
burger of the day today.
[SCOFFS] Burgers of the
day, they come and go.
If you must know, Ted, I'm
working on something big.
Uh, a burger of the year.
Maybe a burger of the century.
- Whoa.
- Yeah, and I've had some breakthroughs
with it, during the night.
The basic idea is anchovies.
- Uh-uh.
- No, Ted. No. No.
- No!
- T-T T-Take it easy, Bob.
- He doesn't sleep anymore.
- Ugh. Sleep.
The middle of the night is this
amazing little window of time.
I have it all to myself.
Just me and my brain and-and the night.
The world is asleep, but me
I'm on fire!
I thrive in the darkness!
- Eh, you're freaking me out, Bob.
- Oh, am I?
We have to live with this, Teddy.
It's pure. The nighttime is pure.
- [ENTRY BELLS JINGLE]
- H-Hi, kids.
- Hello. - Hi, adults.
- Hi.
Hi, kids, bye, kids. Dad nap.
- Hi Uh, oh.
- Bye, Dad.
Nap like no one's watching.
And by that, I mean fully nude.
Is he gonna make it upstairs?
Oh, he turned too soon.
- He's okay.
- Hey, probably trash o'clock, huh?
We'll handle that. Come on, guys.
You kids sure take out the trash
- a lot these days.
- Yeah, well,
we read that article that says
you should take out little
portions of trash throughout the day
- instead of all at once.
- Oh.
And you're supposed to take
a really long time doing it.
- What?
- It's mindful trash removal.
You're welcome.
I can't believe they're
still sticking to the wall.
It's been four days.
Pickles are a superfood.
- [HUGGINS] What's up, kids?
- Oh, hi, Mr. Huggins.
You're flickin' some pickles?
- Uh
- Don't worry, I won't tell.
I flicked a pickle or two in my day.
You should've seen the ceiling
on my junior high school cafeteria.
Nothing but pickles and asbestos.
Oh, uh, cool.
You know, it's kind of
starting to look like your dad.
- It is?
- Yeah. See?
You-you got your two eyes,
and you sort of got a mustache there.
- Oh, yeah.
- I see it. Pickle Poppa.
We can make it better.
Give him some hair.
Give him a perm.
Give him a Mona Lisa smile.
Like he has a secret.
[CHILDREN GRUNTING]
[LINDA MUTTERING]
[SPEAKING GIBBERISH, CHUCKLES]
Mm, this anchovy sauce is coming along.
But needs something sweet?
Come here, sugar.
Sorry, did that sound creepy?
It's just you are sugar.
Yes! [LAUGHS]
Thi-This is so much
better than sleeping.
I-I love the night kitchen.
I'm in the night kitchen.
Yeah you are, Bob.
- Skip? Y-You can talk?
- Yep.
And I can Sing. ♪
Yeah, you can.
Some say the hour's ♪
For witchin' ♪
I say it's for
scratching an itch ♪
That's been itchin' ♪
And what better place than in ♪
[BOTH] My nighttime kitchen. ♪
- Nighttime's the right time, Bob.
- You bet it is, Skip.
No work, no family drama ♪
Letting ideas come ♪
I'm wearing my pajamas ♪
Burger of the night ♪
I'm doing my best thinking ♪
While the stars are twinkling ♪
Taking breaks for tinkling ♪
[BOTH] Burger of the night ♪
Everybody's so concerned ♪
I wonder when they'll learn ♪
I'm better as nocturnal ♪
Burger of the night ♪
I feel my brain blossom ♪
- Here taste this ♪
- Ooh, that's yum ♪
Ha! Sleeping is so dumb ♪
[BOTH] The burger of the night ♪
The day wears you down ♪
It's never enough ♪
But alone with my mind ♪
My time is all mine ♪
I can finally find ♪
What I'm capable of ♪
It's the burger of the ♪
Night. ♪
So, Bob's just up all night now?
Yep. Like an owl.
An owl that can't help with the kids.
And gets pee just
everywhere in the bathroom.
Hmm. He should try melatonin.
- Mela-wha-wha?
- Uh, m-melatonin.
That supplement that helps you to sleep.
I used it in those last
few crazy weeks before Y2K.
I was constantly on edge.
Oh, yeah, "melatanium," that could work.
Maybe I should close early and
go get some from the pharmacy.
Ah, but close early? What? [CHUCKLES]
Don't worry, Teddy, you
can finish your burger.
I'm gonna go to the
alley and tell the kids.
My little dumpster babies.
[GRUNTING]
[LINDA] What the
Are those the mushy pickles?
You were supposed to throw those away.
- We can explain. It was Tina's idea.
- What?
[LINDA GASPS]
Oh, my God. It's your father.
Aw, you miss him, huh?
Oh. Uh, yeah. So much.
Uh-huh. Big time. Big time.
- Daddy!
- You nailed it, Mom.
So, yeah, that's why we did this
and we shouldn't get in trouble.
Oh, you cuties. Here, let me do one.
You need a little more
on the mustache area.
It's bushier. Like a
pregnant caterpillar.
Remember that book?
Do you mean The Hungry Caterpillar?
Yeah, she was hungry
'cause she was pregnant.
- Huh.
- [LINDA GRUNTS]
Okay. It says take
one tablet with water.
You ready to sleep tonight?
Oh. Um, I-I, um I-I don't know.
Bobby, I'm worried about
you. You need to sleep.
This is how people die.
What? H-How how could I die?
You could drive a truck off a bridge.
Or fall asleep in a construction site
and they pour cement on you
because they don't see you.
- You think that never happens?
- Well, if I do that,
I'll-I'll put a straw in my mouth.
Oh, my God. Bob, please just take it.
Mm
- Take it.
- Mm-mmm.
- Take it.
- Ugh. Okay, Lin. Aw, fine.
- Taking the pill.
- Thank you.
[GULPS] Mmm. That was a good pill.
I already feel so sleepy.
Okay, wow.
Really works. Good night, Lin.
Okay. Good night, Bob.
♪
[SKIP] Hello, Bob.
- Hello, Book Skip.
- [SKIP] I love you, Bob.
[BOB] I love you too, Book Skip.
Now let's get cookin',
- good lookin'.
- Okay.
Oof. Another rough night, Bob?
Rough in what way?
Rough in that I got closer
to creating a burger
that blows people's minds
and touches people's souls? Huh, Ted?
- My name is Teddy.
- Not to me it isn't!
- Huh?
- Pineapple!
- Aah!
- I added pineapple.
It brought the anchovies
to a whole new level.
It doesn't make any sense. He
took the melanoma last night.
- Melatonin.
- Yeah.
I-I definitely took it.
I might be too strong
for some medicines.
I-I've heard of that. Anyway, I'm fine.
I-I've had a lot of coffee
and my hand is uncontrollably shaking,
but don't worry about old Bob over here.
Wait, are my eyes open right now?
I can't take this, Bob. You're a mess.
I-I don't want to live like this.
You're a mess, Ted!
Your face is crooked!
What? No, it's not.
I don't know! Just fix it!
I'm gonna go lie down.
- [EXCLAIMS SOFTLY]
- Don't move, Teddy.
- He needs to sleep whenever he can.
- [ENTRY BELLS JINGLE]
- Kids! Hi!
- Aah!
Was fun school today?
- Is Dad broken?
- Or is he Yoda?
No, he's just out of his friggin' mind.
Has he been outside
at all? In the alley?
[LINDA] He's not awake
enough to go outside.
- Great.
- Oh, I'm awake, Linda.
For the first time
in my life, I'm awake.
Shh. That's it.
Rest, my sweet angel. Rest.
[LOUISE] Well, I guess pickles
don't stay stuck forever.
We got some droppers.
- And some sliders.
- Been there.
Your mural's taken a turn,
huh? Mm, it got weird.
It's not as fun having
this outside my window.
I think it's turned me against art.
Is that what you're going for?
Maybe. It's challenging norms.
You know, I used to work
with a challenging Norm.
I'll tell you what I told him,
"No, thank you."
[SINGSONGY] Bob. Dinner's ready.
Dinnertime. It's chicken.
Bock-bock
What the
[GASPS] The melon-tonic pill.
Okay. You want to play games, Bob?
Let's play games.
- Wakey wakey!
- Whuh?
- What's going What's
- Wakey wakey.
- What What's going on?
- Dinner. Ten minutes.
Maybe take care of those eye
boogers before you come in.
You'll scare the kids.
Hello, family.
- Hey, it's that guy.
- [TINA] "Bob," I want to say?
I think it's pronounced "Bobe."
Ha. Wait, is it?
Here's your dinner, Bob,
and a special smoothie
for my special guy.
Oh. Uh, thanks.
What makes it special?
Oh, it's got fruit, a
little yogurt and that's it.
- Can I have a sip?
- No!
Uh, no. No, it's just for your dad.
He needs it.
I mean, it's dinnertime,
right? Not smoothie time.
- When's hammer time?
- Mm. Later.
Um, actually, Tina,
let's, uh, switch dinners.
Oh, that's fun. But why?
Because, Tina. That's,
uh, my favorite plate.
- Aw.
- Bob, what are you doing?
Just switching plates with Tina.
That shouldn't be a problem, right?
Unless you knew I'd
switch plates with Tina.
- Louise, l-let me have yours.
- Oh, come on.
- Why?
- You're right.
She would have already thought of that.
What are we talking about?
- Gene, give me your plate.
- Okay.
Wait, wait, w-wait, w-wait.
Why did you agree so quickly, Gene?
Because you look so cute right now?
- What's happening?
- Mom's trying to poison Dad. I think.
- I can't tell.
- Oh. But just Dad, right?
- Good question.
- Oh.
Bob, just drink your smoothie! Drink it!
- Mm-mmm.
- Drink it!
- Mm-mmm.
- Hold still,
- I'm gonna pinch your nose.
- Aah! Aah!
- Oh, come on, Bob.
- [YELPING, WHIMPERING]
Should we eat even
though Mom's chasing Dad?
Should we pray first?
Dear Evan Hansen
Bob, just let me help you.
You're not trying to help me, Lin.
You're trying to kill me.
You're trying to kill Nighttime Bob.
- Obstacle! Obstacle!
- Eh Bob!
- Just drink it!
- [BOB] Never!
- Obstacle! Obstacle!
- [GRUNTS]
Arm chair obstacle.
- [GRUNTS] Too heavy.
- Bob, stop.
- [WHIMPERING]
- It's all over, Bob.
There's nowhere to go.
So just drink this smoothie
and go lie the frick down.
[LOUISE] He climbed out the window.
- What?
- [LOUISE] Yeah, he grabbed his keys
- and he's going down the fire escape.
- Damn it.
And he threw a kitchen
towel over his head
and he said, "Now I'm invisible."
- He wasn't.
- Damn it.
[CACKLING]
[YELPS] Slippery. Whew.
- [CACKLING]
- [THUNDER CRASHES]
[CACKLING]
Aah! Aah!
Aah!
- [WHIMPERS]
- Bob?
Bob, are you down there?
Okay, Bob, if you can
hear me, I give up.
You win. I'm going upstairs.
I'll leave the smoothie
on your nightstand
in case you decide to
stop being a maniac.
[SCOFFING, GRUMBLING]
Aah!
Ooh, night kitchen.
Oh, that's good.
Skip, I-I'm feeling a little nuts.
Pine nuts. Is what I just
added to my anchovy sauce.
Ooh. Let me try, let me try.
Oh. More like "Anch-whoa-vee."
[CHUCKLES]
Right? Here, h-have a little more.
- [SLURPS] Mm.
- [CHUCKLING WEAKLY]
I like when you feed me.
I-I feel like I'm one
week away. Two, tops.
And then I can start
working on another idea.
And then another. Uh, you want to hear
what I'm thinking
about for the next one?
- Lay it on me.
- Pâté melt.
Right? Like a patty melt with pâté.
- Oh, no, no, no, I got it.
- Oh.
- Yeah.
- 'Cause you were j
No, I was just questioning
if those textures and
flavors would go together.
Oh, uh, well, if you
don't like it, I could
- I did not say I did not like it.
- Oh, no. I thought
I-I thou I Whatever.
It just sounds like
something I wouldn't like.
Oh. I could totally switch
it up if-if you don't
- I could change it up. [CHUCKLES] Yeah.
- No.
You're on your own journey.
Okay. But I could
come up with something
better. And it's all
because of this special time I have.
It's all 'cause of the night kitchen.
It's unleashed my full potential.
I can finally do truly great things.
L-Like you've done. Right, Skip?
- I suppose.
- You suppose? Mr. Modest.
I mean, sure, okay, yeah,
I've done some great things.
Won some awards, wrote some bestsellers.
- I met Chaka Khan.
- Oh, wow.
Honestly, sometimes I'm like,
"Skip, enough with the
great things already."
- [CHUCKLING]
- [CHUCKLES] I bet.
But I don't know. I
guess it all depends on
how you measure
greatness i-in your life.
What? Wh-What do you mean?
I mean, is this going well
for you the night kitchen?
What? Y-Yes. Uh, why?
W-What are you talking about?
I just heard a lot of stomping upstairs.
It sounded like maybe you were
running away from your
wife, yelling "obstacle."
- Stuff like that.
- Oh. Uh, yeah.
Yeah, t-that that did happen.
I guess I'm saying what if
you're putting too much weight
on creating an amazing, memorable recipe
or a great game-changing burger
as a measure of your accomplishments?
Hmm. I'm not following you.
Okay, what about the truly
great thing you've already made?
The thing you're a part of every day?
The thing you love and cherish?
You mean my family?
- What? No.
- Oh.
Oh, I mean, um, they're great. I think.
I don't know them very
well. There's like, uh,
- two girls and a boy?
- [CHUCKLES] Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- And the wife, of course.
- Yes.
And they all have names and everything.
[CHUCKLES] Yeah, they-they do.
I could tell you if you're interested.
- You could.
- Oh, well, uh, Linda is, uh
Well, you don't seem
like you Forget it.
Uh, yeah I was sort of being polite.
- I wasn't gonna
- Yeah. They're, you know,
typical kids' names.
I was talking about your restaurant.
- Ah.
- Working here, every day?
Making people happy with
your delicious burgers?
You're a part of people's lives.
And you built all this.
- Huh.
- And you get to do it with your family.
Again, they seem I-I just don't
- I'm not familiar with them.
- They're actually great. Mostly.
I-I miss them.
I feel like I haven't
seen them very much lately.
Do you wish you had a family, Skip?
Oh, God, no. I love the freedom.
- [CHUCKLES] Right.
- Skip just needs to be Skip.
I date a lot. I think I
might be part of a throuple?
I don't want to put labels on it,
but there are two women who are
upset that I forgot some dates.
Anyway, it all depends
on how you define success,
and maybe you're nailing it.
- I am?
- Sure. But go to bed, buddy.
For real. You look like crap.
Uh, what-what about us?
Give me one more taste.
It's perfect. You don't
need me anymore, Bob.
Don't forget to review
the book on Amazon !
Goodbye, Book Skip.
Goodbye.
[LINDA] Aw.
Mwah.
Ugh. Now I can't sleep.
Come on, Oprah, let's do some shopping.
[BOB] I could've sworn
it was here last night.
There was, like, a mural.
A weird, scary mural of me?
I think? Made out of pickles?
It sounds crazy now
that I say it out loud,
b-but I-I swear I saw it.
- What?
- That's ridiculous.
Maybe you were just
looking in the mirror?
Yeah. I'm sure that can be
- humbling for you.
- Louise.
You can't make faces with pickles, Bob.
And don't look on the
ground at all the pickles.
- Yeah, don't Yeah, no.
- Those were always there.
It was easier to miss you guys
when I wasn't talking to you.
You'll warm up to us.
[BOB] No work, no family drama ♪
Lettin' ideas come ♪
I'm wearing my pajamas ♪
Burger of the night ♪
I'm doing my best thinkin' ♪
While the stars are twinklin' ♪
Taking breaks for tinklin' ♪
Burger of the night ♪
Everybody's so concerned ♪
I wonder when they'll learn ♪
I'm better as nocturnal ♪
Burger of the night ♪
It's the burger of the ♪