American Dad s16e05 Episode Script

1
Ta-da!
My outfit for next week's
annual Smith family trip
to the Dude Ranch.
When Klaus join Village People?
Oh, my God, did you hear that?
My precious Rogu's first sick burn.
But strong disagree.
Klaus is working that outfit.
Give us a little spin, Klaus.
Yeah, yeah, now give us
an over-the-shoulder.
Now give us, like, a
like someone deciding
what to get on the menu.
Okay, I'm good.
Does anybody else want
Klaus to do something?
Rogu, Klaus can wear
anything he wants to the Dude Ranch.
He crushes it there.
I'm good at all their activities,
and I love eating from the Chuck Wagon.
They flavor the beans with just
the right amount of trail dust.
Tons.
Ugh, I hate all that dust.
It fogs up my glasses.
Steve is right, Rogu.
We all have something we
love about the Dude Ranch.
For example, I, Stan,
am excited to be reunited
with the ranch's tequila mule
Tequila Joe.
He's easily my best friend.
Francine, isn't he my best friend?
Oh, for sure, Stan,
but you'll see when you get there, Rogu.
You invited Rogu?!
Yeah, Francine and I have a bet going on
whether or not he can herd
cattle better than a dog.
Rogu's just gonna eat the cattle.
And the dog.
I hope this is the year I
get to ride Tequila Joe.
But Mr. S., no one
has ever ridden Tequila Joe.
- He's untamable.
- Jeff, why is it
that you only ever open your mouth
to shit on my dreams?
Go inside.
You're not coming to the Dude Ranch.
- Babe?
- Maybe next time no talking till we get there.
Very funny, Steve, now put me in
my spot on the center console.
Can't. Rogu's sitting there.
My hat! My spot!
He's taking all my things!
Relax, Klaus.
That outfit looks way better on him.
And no one's gonna see you in the back.
Ugh! Is everyone obsessed with Rogu?
Rogu! I almost
didn't get to say goodbye.
Et tu, Billy?
Tequila Joe!
Sorry I was gone for a whole year.
My stupid family won't let me live here.
Huh, not as dusty as I remember.
I'm gonna find a Kleenex.
Ah, there's Nowell, the main ranch hand.
He's my boy!
Rogu, try not to be jealous
when he calls me
by my nickname Buckaroo.
Howdy, Smiths!
Welcome back to the Octuple J.
Hey, Buckaroo! How you doing?
So good. Bet you're stoked that
And who's this little monster
you brought with you, Buckaroo?
Ugh, that's Rogu.
Gross, right?
He's adorable.
I'm gonna give him a nickname.
Not Buckaroo.
That's what I call everybody.
I know! Buckarito!
Buck-a-Rogu.
That's great, but I'mma do mine.
Let me show you all to your cabins.
I'm gonna bury you, Suckarito.
Suckarito.
Haven't heard that term in a long time.
If I remember correctly, it's where
one guy chugs margaritas
while I blow him.
And then
That's it I think.
Yeah. Yeah, I am
remembering that correctly.
Great job, Buckaroo!
Man, if you told me that
someday I would meet a fish
who could talk and was good
at roping, I woulda
Whoa, look at Buckarito!
Ha! Beat that, Suckarito.
Oh!
Great shot, Rogu.
You hit the cook right in his noot sack.
Cook? I'm the got-dang sommelier!
But your name is Cookie, right?
Yes, it is.
- And you are the cook?
- Yes.
Then what are you mad about?
I reckon it's the horseshoe
you threw into my balls.
Ugh, you gonna hold that
over us forever?
It was a joke, dude.
Nine seconds!
A new Octuple J record.
Hold your horses!
Buckarito's at 15 seconds and counting.
Wow, I wouldn't even think
to do it that way.
What's Rogu doing?
What are we laughing at?
Ladies to the middle
and back to the bar
Gents go in with a right-hand star
Now everyone make way for ol' Rogu
He's the star of this hullabaloo
Oh, yeah!
What does he have that I don't?
Nothing!
I guess he has that Nintendo Switch
with basically all the games,
but that's all.
Do-si-do, two by two
Everyone kiss Rogu
Who am I kidding?
He's a shooting star.
I have to do something.
Kiss Rogu once again
But this time, just the men
Nooo!
Aah!
Tequila Joe is gone!
Someone cut his rope
and he wandered off.
I knew I shouldn't have left him alone.
But you just had to bone!
A switchblade?
That's probably what they
used to cut the rope!
Does it say who's property it is?
It says, "property of Ragu."
Uh, I'm pretty sure it says,
"property of Rogu."
Wait, Klaus,
how do you think you spell Rogu?
R
- A?
- What did you do?!
Easy, Buckaroo.
Now, we may never get to the bottom
of who cut Tequila Joe loose,
but it was definitely
either Klaus or Buckarito,
charming little devil that he is.
So they're gonna have to go
into the wilderness to find him.
What?! I don't want
to go out there with him!
Well, you should've thought
of that before you freed
or didn't free Tequila Joe.
Seems pretty obvious it was Klaus.
It's not obvious to me.
Let the wilderness decide!
Well, Rogu, this is quite
the bowl of shit sandwich
you got us into.
Me?
Klaus one who frame
Klaus one who framed Rogu.
Why do you talk so freaking slow, bro?!
- Rogu talk faster.
- What?
You could do that this whole time?
Rogu learn English one year ago.
Rogu careful no make mistakes.
Plus, Rogu talk slow,
charm pants off laaadies.
Almost lunch and no sign of Tequila Joe.
If we don't find a way to track him,
we're gonna be out here all night.
Tequila Joe!
Oh, Rogu dance on the Rogu
And Rogu, Rogu a Rogu
And the Rogu Rogu on a Rogu
And Rogu does Rogu on hats
Ole.
There you are!
Now let's get out of here.
Fastest way is to ride.
But Tequila Joe famously unridable.
That's only because I've never tried.
Aah!
Damn it!
You spooked him, Rogu!
Rogu die never seeing "Ant Man & Wasp"!
He's gone.
Thank you, Tequila Joe.
I'm free aah!
Help!
I can't swim in this much water!
I'm used to way less water!
Aah!
Oof!
Ahh, dry land.
Dry land! I need water!
I need just the right amount of water!
Ahh. Thanks, Rogu.
Klaus do same for Rogu.
Maybe.
Where are we?
- Klaus and Rogu lost?
- Yes.
We're a long way from the ranch
and we'll have to work
together to find our way back.
Yay!
Klaus and Rogu go on adventure!
Well, I don't like it any
more than you do, Rogu.
For the talent show, my brother and I
are going to perform
the shark scene from "Jaws."
I don't remember a shark in that movie.
Everyone imagine in your heads
John Williams' iconic theme from "Jaws."
I can't hum it out loud
because Universal's lawyers
are always watching.
It's like they're the real sharks.
How can you laugh at a time like this?
Tequila Joe is missing!
Stan, there's no need to worry.
- These mountains aren't that dangerous.
- Really?
Except of course for that
pair of mountain lions
that are terrorizing the region.
Yeah, Klaus, Rogu, and Tequila Joe
would make a hell of a snack
for those two love birds.
- Oh, God!
- I think they're boyfriend/girlfriend.
- Isn't that sweet?
- Well, I'm not gonna sit around
watching a talent show while
Tequila Joe is in danger.
I'm gonna sit around
outside and worry about him.
I did like your skit about
the farting cowboy, Gerhard.
Danke.
I feel like someone should
tell Billy that Rogu's missing.
Thank you, Franny.
Please call if you hear anything.
Are you safe, Rogu?
Oh, where are you
My sweet Rogu?
I hear you're lost and scared
I pray that soon I'll hear you say
"Billy, I'm okay"
Oh, where are you
My sweet Rogu?
I know you're probably scared
Where did you go, Tequila Joe?
I miss the times we shared
I hope that you are found
Or that you're homeward bound
You'll come back, I know
- My sweet Ro-gooooo
- Tequila Joooe
Hee-haaaaw
Okay, marry the potato skins
from TGI Friday's,
kill the vegetable soup
from Olive Garden,
and [BLEEP] the baby
back ribs from Chili's.
Rogu [BLEEP] all.
Wait, this is where
we fell into the river.
We're almost home.
Aah!
This is exactly how
that fortune teller in
Reno said I would die.
Which means the nuggets will
win the 2026 NBA championship.
The people of Denver will be so happy!
Aah!
Klaus hurt?
I'm fine.
But it's been a long day.
Maybe we make camp and pass
out from the pain here tonight?
I have to say, between that hawk,
that mountain lion,
and that stink bug I killed,
I'm not sure either of us
could've made it without the other.
Maybe you're not so bad, Rogu.
That mean lot to Rogu from Klaus.
It does?
Rogu look up to Klaus.
When Rogu get to Smiths,
Rogu see Klaus have place.
Bottom rung of ladder.
But Rogu not know how Rogu fit in.
But everyone loves you, bro.
Sure, Rogu naturally charming.
But truth, Rogu like duck.
Calm on surface, but under,
furiously paddling.
Wow, I had no idea.
You know, I'm glad
we ended up out here together.
Rogu glad, too.
And Rogu ain't "lion."
Physical comedy, too.
You're the whole package, Rogu.
Rogu have idea.
Now that friends,
maybe Klaus call Rogu "Bro-gu"?
Dude, self-given nicknames
are embarrassing.
That would be like if I told you
to call me K-Money.
Oh, my God,
how good does that sound?!
Rogu, you got to start
calling me K-Money.
- Aah!
- Rogu!
Klaus help Rogu!
I'll get a rope.
Here's the thing.
I have learned a lot
about you on this trip, Rogu.
You have depth and
feelings and you're useful.
And I'm not.
I'm not worried you're
going to replace me.
I know you will.
Klaus not help Rogu?
No.
I'm betraying you.
Rogu no like.
We have words after Rogu climb out.
Why did you ask for help if
you could climb that easily?
That! That's exactly the kind
of thing that got you betrayed.
Uh, I mean, joke betrayed.
Aah!
Betrayal back on!
Thank God for loose rocks, huh?
Okay, bye forever, Rogu.
K-Moneeeey!
It's so sad that after you
saved Rogu from the hawk
and that mountain lion
- Don't forget the stink bug.
- After all that,
you couldn't save him from the river.
I tried.
But he was swept away.
He's gone, bros.
We're just glad you're okay, Klaus.
Who cares about Klaus?
Tequila Joe is out there,
and he's bound to be
out of tequila by now.
He's just some donkey named Joe!
I can't believe Rogu's gone.
Oh, we'll have a bar crawl in his honor!
Maybe do a "Great Gatsby" theme?
Everyone can dress up and act rich.
You rest, Klaus.
Try to eat.
- Aah!
- You left Rogu to die.
I-I had to! He would've
Oh, God, what have I done, Pancakes?!
Klaus, are you talking to your pancakes?
Here I am in the hallway
talking to my pancakes.
- Mind if we join?
- Roger, I
Rogu didn't drown.
He fell into a mine shaft,
and I left him there!
So, Rogu is alive?
Yes!
We have to save him!
Klaus, there's no easy way to say this.
- You should've killed him.
- Wait, what?
Look, I'm happy my son's alive,
although I'm more than a
little embarrassed to cancel
his Mardi Gras-themed memorial bar crawl
five minutes after
sending out the evite,
but no one betrays Rogu
and lives to tell the tale.
But he's trapped.
His arm is pinned under a rock.
So? He could chew through
that thing in two seconds.
Watch.
And our kind can regenerate
limbs practically at will.
Hmm, it's usually pretty fast.
Oh, well, it'll grow back.
But make no mistake,
Rogu is coming for you.
Rogu's already here?
Could be a coincidence.
Nope, that's Rogu.
He loves shooting people in the nuts.
He's not wrong, it's funny.
Oh!
Great bit, Rogu, keep it up.
Take cover! Aah!
What the hell is going on?
Rogu's trying to kill Klaus.
Rogu's alive?!
Yep, Klaus left Rogu to die in a pit,
and now Rogu cut his arm
off and is gonna kill Klaus.
You know, I had a feeling
that's what happened.
Now he's pissed and
he's gonna kill us all.
We should probably say our goodbyes.
Goodbye, Roger.
You're the only one I'm gonna miss,
and I can easily say you're
the funniest out of everybody.
I think the shooting stopped.
Rogu seek parlay.
Rogu show he mean business.
Now want Klaus.
Let rest live.
Welp, I know where I stand.
Stay right there, Klaus.
You can't have him, Rogu.
Klaus is family.
Klaus is family.
- I am?
- Klaus, did you really think
we hate you so much we'd let you die?
You need to work
on your self-esteem, man.
Your funeral.
Rogu come back tonight.
No mercy.
See ya then, Rogu.
Look, Klaus, it grew back.
Klaus come to face Rogu by self?
This is between me and you.
They don't need to suffer
for what I've done.
Klaus noble and stupid.
Any last words?
Yes.
When the family wouldn't give me up,
I realized maybe they do like me.
Which means there's room for both of us,
and I was a fool to
betray one of the most
special creatures I've ever met.
Billy?
You, Bro-gu.
I will face the consequences,
but I want you to know
that I am truly sorry.
Wow.
Mean a lot to Rogu
that you learn lesson.
Oh, good. I'm glad
Before you die.
Seriously?!
But I apologized, like super sincerely!
Yes, but also leave Rogu
to die in mine shaft, so
Eh-uh.
Aah!
A second mountain lion?
I wonder if they know each other.
Told you I was good at Dude Ranch stuff.
Klaus save Rogu even though
Rogu plan kill Klaus?
You're family, too.
Klaus still die.
Are you kidding me?!
But where Klaus dick?
Rogu need magnifying glass to find.
That is not funny, Rogu!
It's little funny.
O-okay, it's a little funny,
it's a little funny!
I'm so happy you two
managed to work things out
without anyone getting hurt.
Uh, Mom, all those ranch dudes
got shot in the dick.
Can you guys give me a second?
Well, we're on our way.
I know I can't ride you,
but maybe I can
hug you?
Thank you.
This is nice.
When will
Have a great night!