Bob's Burgers s16e11 Episode Script

1
- Hey, Jimmy Jr.
- Hey, Tina.
Are you excited for the Eight Grade
Academic Improvement Reward Field Trip?
You better believe it.
I developed better
study skills this semester,
and I'm ready to be rewarded
with a field trip.
And it's so cool that it's at that
indoor rock climbing place,
"Vertically Challenged."
Yeah, I looked it up. You get a
partner and one person "belays"
while the other person climbs.
And the belayer stands
underneath the climber
and holds a rope and just makes sure
everything's safe up there
in the harness area.
Um, s-so I wanna be belay buddies.
- Uh Oh, okay.
- Yes.
I've been doing pull-ups to get ready.
Working on those biceps and trapeziuses.
Man, I hope the harness is comfortable.
I did zip lining last summer,
and the harness was super tight.
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Well, I gotta go meet Zeke.
He found a sponge,
and we're gonna go kick it around.
Okay. See you, be-later.
[LAUGHS AWKWARDLY]
Just got to keep that 2.8 GPA
to be eligible for the field trip.
You mean, like, metaphorically?
No. Like a 2.8 grade point average.
Oh, okay.
Do I have a 2.8 grade point average?
No. Did you think you had
a 2.8 grade point average?
I don't know. Jimmy Jr. has one.
He's developed very strong
study skills this semester.
Yeah, I've heard. Sorry.
So I just need to jhuzh
my old GPA up a few notches.
Um, I was hoping I could maybe sign up
for one of those super
cool, easy classes.
I think they're called "electives"?
You know, less taxing,
more chillaxing, wink, wink.
[GENE] Yeah, I think
Peter Pescadero got an A in robotics
for taping a battery to a cup.
- Okay. What about typing?
- Typing?
Mr. Grant teaches typing.
The new term started this week,
but I can still sign you up.
My fingers have tickled
a few keyboards in their day. Let's do it.
You want to go to that
indoor climbing gym, I get it.
There's nothing like
being 12 feet off the ground
to make you feel like
you're 20 feet off the ground.
I'm kind of excited about the belay thing.
She wants to look up at Jimmy Jr.'s butt.
And kinda control it with a rope.
Like it's a float at the Macy's
Thanksgiving Day Parade.
- Hey, Teddy.
- Hi, Teddy.
Hey, guys, I'll have
a Burger of the Day and extra fries.
Extra fries? Check you out.
Yeah, yeah. I just landed a big job.
I'm custom building a high-end grill
- for this rich guy's outdoor kitchen.
- A grill?
- Really? What kind?
- A Gaucho grill.
Wait, seriously? You're building
an Argentinian Gaucho grill?
That-That's like my dream grill.
I thought was your dream grill. Ha!
Yeah, the rich guy, Elliot.
He's super into Argentinian cooking.
He's actually on some sort of
food pilgrimage in Patagonia right now.
I'm working while he's gone.
Wait, Teddy, do you know
how to build a Gaucho grill?
I mean, how hard can it be?
It's a grill, right?
And then you slap some Argentina on it.
No, Teddy, you gotta have a firebox,
you gotta have an adjustable grill grate
to control the distance
between the meat and the flame
Whoa, Bob, slow down.
I don't speak grill nerd.
Ha! He is a grill nerd.
[STUTTERING]
It's just It's more complicated
than some normal backyard barbecue.
It needs to be done right.
[NERD VOICE] "It's more complicated."
[LAUGHS]
That's you, Bob. [LAUGHS]
[NERD VOICE]
"It needs to be done right."
- [LAUGHS SHARPLY]
- I don't like either of you.
[MR. GRANT] The Constitution.
Romeo and Juliet, the Bible.
Ever heard of them?
Well, they were all typed
on computer keyboards.
Wait, what?
Everyone in this classroom has
the ability to type.
But right now, your fingers are clay.
I will mold that clay.
And I swear to God and Qwerty
that by the end of this term,
you will be typing up to 45 WPM.
- WPM?
- Words Per Minute.
How fast do I type?
Sorry, I thought someone
asked how fast I type.
The answer?
A hundred and ten WPM.
I guess that's why it's on a certificate
over there on the wall.
I won a typing competition, fastest
13-year-old in the county that year.
No big deal, except that
it was a huge deal. Yeah.
Now, place your fingers
of the index variety on F and J.
Just feel for the keys
with the little bumps.
[STUDENT] Ew.
Oh, wow, I've always wondered
about those bumps.
I thought maybe
they were the keyboard's nipples,
which now that I say it seems wrong.
Okay, so your fingers
are on the home row.
The home row is the cornerstone
of learning to type.
It keeps us oriented, it keeps us safe.
You lose the home row,
you're in the wilderness.
Cold, alone, waiting
for death's sweet kiss.
Okay, let's hit "return"
to load your first prompt.
[TINA] Sheila
went to the
store.
Wow, this is taking forever.
What if I just type how I always type?
Take a quick vacation from home row?
Now Sheila can get
where she needs to go.
Wow, Tina, you're fast.
I can't even find the O.
Is that it? Is that it?
Fine, I'm just gonna use the Q.
Uh, Tina, what's happening here?
Your fingers are all over the place.
It's like a Muppet playing piano.
I know, but this has been
kind of working for me.
You appear to be typing at 50 WPM
but I don't even understand
what I'm looking at.
Just go to the home row.
Go home, go home now.
- Or I just boom.
- [GROANS]
Where are the emojis on this?
[TINA] Okay, Mom,
I typed up your grocery list.
All right.
Gene, I'm gonna print out that letter
to Michael McDonald
that you had me type up
asking him what a doobie is.
We'll get to the bottom of this.
Anybody else need anything typed?
Can you crap out a paper
on photosynthesis real quick?
No, Louise.
Fine. I guess I'll do my
homework like an idiot.
Boy, that class has got you
typin' up a storm.
I know. I'm in the zone.
And I'm kinda the fastest one in there.
So, yeah, I'm gonna get that easy A,
which means I'm also
gonna get to see a belay-full of B.
- Hmm.
- Jimmy Jr.'s butt.
- [PHONE VIBRATING]
- Yep. Got it.
- Hello?
- Bob! I-I finished the Gaucho grill.
I did everything they said to do online,
but I-I don't know if I built it right.
Can you come over tomorrow
and check a look?
Oh, now you want my help?
Yes, please.
Uh, I don't know if I want to.
- What?
- Yeah, maybe I'm busy
with my cool life.
Come on. I'm sorry
I called you a grill nerd.
Just come over, Bob, I need you.
[SIGHS] Okay, fine.
Great. I knew you would, nerd.
- So, how's it look?
- Hmm.
"Hmm"? What's "hmm" about it?
It just seems like the lowest level
for the grill grate
is still too far from the embers.
Oh, no! No, no, no.
I can't lose this job, Bob.
Rich people make great clients
because of all the money they have.
Okay, I-I can help. We can do this.
[WHISPERS] We're gonna fix
all his mistakes and make you perfect.
Bob, please don't talk
about me to the grill.
[WHISPERING] He doesn't
understand you and he never will.
Cut it out, Bob. Don't listen to him,
grill. You were my friend first.
[AMUSING MUSIC PLAYING]
- Hey, Belay Buddy.
- Hi, Tina.
- Yeah, you are.
- What?
You know it.
Well, look at Tina.
Having witty banter in the hallway
with my belay buddy,
rocking that A in typing class.
Now nothing can come between
me and a harness full of hiney.
I mean, I definitely have
an A in typing, right?
[LAUGHS] Oh, you're not
getting an A Tina.
What? But I'm the fastest typer in here.
I'm pulling down 75 WPM.
Yes, your bizarre and somewhat
grotesque finger waggling
seems to work somehow.
But I can't in good conscience
give you an A.
You're not learning to type
the way you should.
You're a "street typer."
And frankly, it's disgusting.
Okay, fine. If it'll get me
an A, I'll use the home row. See?
- [KEYBOARD CLACKING SLOWLY]
- Ty ping so fast.
Yeah, never mind, my fingers hate this.
Ugh, Mr. Grant I need an A so I
can have a 2.8-grade point average
so I can go on the field trip
to Vertically Challenged.
I wish those words meant anything
at all to me, but they just don't.
Listen, my job is to help you
not type like a psycho.
It doesn't seem fair.
If I'm fast, it shouldn't
matter how I do it.
Okay? What if, uh, what
if I can type that fast?
- [DRAMATIC STING ♪]
- A hundred and ten words per minute?
Yeah. Then would you give me
an A so I could go on the trip?
Tina, I-I'm glad you got big dreams.
Even when those dreams
are ridiculously stupid.
So sure, I'll give you an A
- if you can hit 110 WPM.
- Yes!
Mr. Grant, my mom wrote me a note.
I can't type today.
I have type-one finger-betes.
It looks like my
handwriting, but it's not.
[UKULELE PLAYS ♪]
definitely should try cherry wood.
A true temple of meat deserves the best.
Are you talking
about your underwear, Dad?
He's texting with Teddy.
Can't wait to throw some beef in there.
Dad's texts to Teddy have taken a turn.
[SIGHS] Eighty WPMs.
Still not fast enough.
Hey T, do you think we can borrow
those fast little fingers of yours to,
I don't know, do restaurant stuff?
It's called a work ethic. Heard of it?
- 'Cause Gene and I are all about it!
- Yeah!
Sorry, can't. I've only got a week
to hit 110 words per minute
if I want to go to Vertically Challenged
- and, uh, you know
- See Jimmy Jr.'s butt in a harness.
Yes, we know.
Dad, I was gonna say
get to do some fun indoor climbing.
- Oh, sorry.
- And also, yeah, see that butt.
Mm-hmm.
A hundred and ten
words per minute ♪
You're doing that
That's how you win it ♪
A hundred and ten
words per minute ♪
You're doing it, man
That's how you win it ♪
A hundred and ten ♪
A 110 WPMs. I did it!
What the I mean, good. Good for you.
Wow, Tina typed so fast.
And she doesn't even type
the way you showed us.
It's like everything you taught us
doesn't matter at all.
Maybe Tina should teach the class.
She kinda looks like
an old lady already anyway.
Thanks, Jocelyn.
The last part I didn't like. But
- [GROWLS]
- Mr. Grant, your face is weird.
Are you pooping?
I'm not pooping, Jocelyn.
So I get the A, right?
I can go on the field trip on Friday?
You can go.
- Yes!
- Mr. Grant, just go to the bathroom.
You're gonna have an accident,
and it's gonna be a real distraction.
Wow, it turned out great.
We made something beautiful,
didn't we, Teddy?
We sure did, Bob.
Linda, I'm glad you could come, too.
Even though you didn't help at all.
Well, I wasn't about to work
at the restaurant
while you two beef-boys had
a "test out the grill" party.
I was only gonna be gone a couple hours.
Also, it's not a party, Lin.
Just 'cause I brought really good meat.
And wine. And the perfect pineapple
And tunes. Bluetooth is a-go.
[UPBEAT INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING]
[GRUNTING]
[GRUNTING]
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING]
All right, that A in typing
- got you your 2.8.
- Yay!
Tina's gonna be the first person
in our family to graduate eighth grade.
And I'm making a note in the system
that you will be absent
from class to attend
the Vertically Challenged
field trip on Friday.
Yup, I'll be busy belaying my buddy.
- Uh-huh.
- Okay, bye.
- Hmm, that's odd.
- What?
Someone put another note in
here for something on Friday.
Is it to remember not to come to
school on Saturday and Sunday?
A mandatory typing test
has been scheduled for Friday
at the exact same time they'll be
loading up the bus for the field trip.
A mandatory typing test.
It says "Anyone who misses this test
will get an automatic F,
"which could drop some
people's GP below 2.8,
"rendering them 'field trip ineligible.'"
Well, that's specific.
What? I'm gonna go all caps on his ass.
- You!
- Me?
- Me-Me what?
- You know what.
I'm just going into the faculty
lounge so I can enjoy my pasta
from last night and the night before.
Don't try to impress us
with what you eat for lunch.
What's this B.S. about a "mandatory
typing test" at the same time
as we're loading the bus
for the field trip?
Ohh, that, right.
Well, it just felt like a good time for
a mandatory test, that's all.
But I deserve to go on that field trip!
I worked hard for that A!
Yeah, which is not something
we usually do, pal.
Look, if you refuse to learn
the home row method,
then you'll never be a great typer.
Or succeed at anything at all, ever.
I'm as good a typer as you
when you were my age.
I-I bet I'm even a better typer
than you now.
[LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY]
That's hilarious, Tina.
You are not a better typer than me.
Yes, I am.
Well, maybe the only way
to settle this is a typing battle.
- Huh?
- A typing battle?
After school. Tina versus Mr. Grant.
Student versus teacher.
Teen girl versus late 50s man?
How dare you. Look, I can't have
a typing battle with a student.
We're supposed to help students,
not demolish them
and leave them in a puddle
of their own blood.
- He's scared.
- I'm not scared.
Scared of typing battles,
scared of intimacy.
I'm not scared of either of those things.
Well, half scared of one.
Then say yes. If I win,
there's no typing test on Friday.
And if you lose? Which you will.
I guess you get the pride of
having beaten a child at something.
How about if you lose,
there's still a test on Friday,
and you have to clean
every single keyboard in typing class.
And trust me, you're gonna see
some stuff that will haunt you forever.
- You're on.
- I will crush you.
But not this afternoon, because
I'm getting a thing lasered off.
- But tomorrow afternoon, I will crush you!
- [DRAMATIC STING]
Good luck type-battling
your teacher, Tina.
Which your mother and I
are hoping is totally normal.
- Thanks.
- Our girl's ready.
And you should find a spot
for Mr. Grant's head.
'Cause we're coming home with it!
Don't bring it home, I wanna declutter.
- You got this, Tina.
- Yeah, I do.
Good luck, Tina.
You're fighting for all of us, girl.
Thank you. I am.
I hope you win today, Tina.
You deserve to go on that trip even
though you kind of gamed the system.
- Thanks.
- I'll be there, rooting for you
With my mouth, not my arms.
I'm pretty sore from all
the upper body stuff
I've been doing to get ready
for Vertically Challenged.
That's why I keep rubbing
this CoolZone cream on.
[SNIFFS] Whoa, that's potent.
I didn't know we were allowed
to bring creams to school.
This changes everything.
You really gotta rub it in.
[GROANS] It feels so good on my muscles.
- [GROANS] That's the stuff.
- Damn.
- See you later.
- Mm-hmm.
- Tina.
- Mr. Grant.
Just keep walking, Tina.
We'll see you after school
at the type-off, Mr. Grant.
And also Tina will probably see you
during the regular scheduled typing class,
which may be a little
awkward today. But, yeah.
I can't believe you were dumb
enough to agree to battle a student.
Yeah, what's next? A kid challenges me
to a running competition?
I threw my back out
pulling up my shorts today.
Guys, cool your muffins. I'm gonna win.
You better win, Grant.
I'm not learning all the state capitals
no matter how many
kids want to battle me.
- Guys, I'm freaking out.
- [BELL OVER DOOR RINGS]
Oh, God, oh, God.
He's got security footage.
He's gonna see everything.
What? What are you talking about?
What security footage?
Elliot, the Gaucho grill guy, apparently
has a security camera in his backyard.
- Oh.
- Uh-oh.
He texted me asking about the grill.
He just got cell reception back.
He's getting on a plane in Patagonia,
and he's excited to watch the footage
of the grill being built
on his layover in Miami.
So, he's gonna see
Us having a big ol' beef party
in his backyard.
- Oh, boy.
- He'll never hire me again.
Also, what if he doesn't
even pay me for this job?
I dropped a lot of money into that grill.
You just had to add the pineapple
grilling hook, didn't you, Bob!
It came with the sausage hook.
It was a set, Teddy.
Bob, Teddy, calm down.
We'll figure something out.
Should we just go smash
the security camera?
No, no, it's all online.
Okay, okay. Um
Well, right now, when he watched
the footage, you're gonna be the bad guy
who had an unauthorized beef-part
with his brand new grill.
- Yeah.
- But what if
you were the good guy who
heroically saved the grill?
Saved it from what?
[WOMAN ANNOUNCING ON PA]
[SOFT SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING]
Okay, standard type-off rules.
We go three rounds,
fastest typer wins the round.
Best out of three
wins the whole damn thing.
Oh, and keep it down.
We don't want Principal Spoors
finding out about this.
We're not quite sure where he
stands on teacher-student battles.
- Hey.
- What?
Try not to cry too hard when I whoop you.
Actually, you can use your tears
to clean off these filthy keyboards.
I'm just stretching
out my right pinkie
because I'm about to delete you.
[LAUGHS] Yeah, she went there.
- Type his head off, Tina.
- Yeah!
Okay, people.
- Prompt one.
- [DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]
[KEYBOARDS CLACKING]
- Who are you rooting for?
- What? Tina.
Same.
Mr. Grant, 111 words per minute.
Tina, 108.
First round goes to Mr. Grant.
- [CHATTER]
- Oh, man.
Come on, Tina. You can beat him.
School that teacher.
Yeah. Serve him a piping
hot mug of defeat.
Prompt two.
- [KEYBOARD CLACKING]
- [PANTING]
There she is.
There's our freaky-fingered gal.
[GENE] Look at those fingers bang!
[GRUNTING]
[GRUNTS]
Mr. Grant, 112 words per minute.
Tina, 113.
This round goes to Tina.
[ALL CHEERING]
- Crap.
- [GROANS]
Last round, last prompt.
Winner of this wins the type-off.
[JOCELYN] Oh, my God,
it could be either of them.
You got him on the ropes, Tina.
Now finish him.
Sweep the fingers.
Vertically Challenged,
here you come, Tina.
High-ten! [GRUNTS]
Huh, that's a pretty
wet high-ten, no judgment.
Wait, my hands feel weird.
My God. Ahh! My fingers
are getting all tingly.
Uh-oh, it's the CoolZone
stuff from my sore muscles.
Ahh, ahh! They're numb.
My fingers are numb.
I can't feel the keys.
- That's not good.
- I'm so sorry, Tina.
I was just trying to give you
a supportive high-ten.
Ahh! I can't feel anything.
Well, now you know how teachers feel.
- [DRAMATIC STING]
- Final prompt.
Wait, wait, wait. Stop!
Hold on the prompt!
I got CoolZone on my hands
and now my fingers are numb.
- I'm not gonna be able to type.
- Oh, wow.
Let me head over to my
filing cabinet and file that under
"Not my problem."
I gotta wipe it off, I gotta wipe it off.
[GRUNTS] It's not working.
[GRUNTS] Quick emergency
bathroom trip. [PANTING]
[STRUGGLING]
[GROANS]
Why won't he just text or call already?
I'm so nervous, I can't even eat.
It's gonna be okay, Teddy.
It was a good plan.
Mm, not really.
- [PHONE VIBRATES]
- Oh, oh! This is him.
Hello. Hey, Elliot. Uh-huh.
Yeah, That's us on the
Yes, we grilled. We-We were
just making sure it worked
Well, I wouldn't call it a party.
I guess there was some dancing.
Yep, that was a few cannonballs.
But I'm really sorry
Oh, yeah, that car came out of nowhere.
And the guy with the bat,
he must've been one of those angry
vegetarians I've been hearing about.
They hate grills.
Yeah, I know, the twists
and turns of life, huh?
Okay, great.
I'll come over tomorrow.
We can settle up. Bye.
Yes, he bought it.
- Yeah!
- Seriously?
- [ELLIOT ON CALL] Hello?
- Oh, God. Hey! Sorry,
I'm at an auction
and a guy bought a thing.
A very famous pair of pants.
Gotta go. Bye.
I couldn't wash it off.
Would it kill this school
to have some warm water or soap
in these freakin' bathrooms?
Soap? Ooh-la-la.
I'm so sorry, Tina. Damn you, CoolZone.
In what zone is this considered cool?
Can we, um, reschedule?
You can't reschedule a type-off, Tina.
Anyway, isn't your little
field trip tomorrow?
So yeah, we finish this today.
Sorry, Tina.
Third prompt!
[KEYBOARD CLACKING]
I don't know where my fingers are.
Aw, I bet you're wishing
you'd just learned
to use the home row now, huh, Tina?
But you just had to go
your own way, didn't you?
Blaze your own trail
with your freakish freestyling?
Well, you know what can
happen to trailblazers?
They go up in blazing flames.
Yeah, that was a burn-burn.
Tina, don't let anyone
tell you where home row is.
You make your own
home row, you crazy SOB!
I can't. I'm gonna lose!
Come on, Tina. Weird, freakish typer.
- [CHANTS] Come on, Tina.
- [ALL CHANTING] Weird, freakish typer.
Come on, Tina. Weird, freakish typer.
Come on, Tina. Weird, freakish typer.
Come on, Tina. Weird, freakish typer.
Come on, Tina. Weird, freakish typer.
Mr. Grant, 115 words per minute.
Tina, 116!
- Tina wins!
- [TINA] What?
[ALL CHEERING]
No, no, no!
- Damn it!
- Freakin' Grant.
Yes! Yes! Yes!
[KISSES]
Okay, my lips are numb.
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
Did you see me get
to that hand hold, Tina?
Oh, I saw. I saw the whole thing.
Looking good up there, buddy.
[TEDDY IN SPANISH] Parrilla gaucha! ♪
Parrilla gaucha! ♪
Has prendido fuego ♪
Dentro de mi corazón ♪
Templo de la carne ♪
Siempre te adorare ♪
Parrilla gaucha! ♪