Bob's Burgers s16e15 Episode Script

1
You think this burrito
is chicken or beef?
Who knows? Just enjoy the ride.
So everyone pumped for Lighthouse
Fire Hoax Night on Saturday?
Oh, you mean where we
celebrate our town's history
by staying up super late
and lighting stuff on fire on the beach?
I don't know. [SIGHS]
I guess I'm pretty
frickin' excited, Rudy!
- Yeah, baby!
- Woo-hoo!
Well, it sounds amazing.
- And to think it's my first one.
- What?
My parents don't love
letting me stay up past
midnight for some reason.
They sound unhinged.
But I wore 'em down.
I'm not even sure what
this night is about.
Is this to celebrate when
we tricked the British
by putting a ship
somewhere or something?
You're thinking of Land Ship.
This is Lighthouse Fire Hoax Night!
To celebrate when we tricked the
British into not attacking us at all.
We really liked tricking the British.
It was a dark night in the year 1812.
[TINA] I think it might have been 1813.
- [LOUISE SHUSHES]
- [TINA] Right.
[LOUISE] The British were
raiding little towns like ours
to burn ships and steal cows
and probably insult our horses too.
And when they got to us,
what does our sneaky town do?
- Um, lighthouse Okay.
- No, you don't know.
We set our own lighthouse on fire,
and everyone runs around
yelling and screaming,
that they had been
attacked and plundered.
So, the British are like,
[IN BRITISH ACCENT] "Huh, I guess one of
our ships already plundered these guys."
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
So, they skipped our town
and went and attacked
Boston or something.
I think that's what that show Cheers
- is about.
- Ah.
And that's why every year on
the anniversary of that night,
our town celebrates by
building a replica lighthouse
and lighting it on fire
on the beach at midnight!
[ALL EXCLAIMING]
Well, I'm very excited,
and I will definitely take a badass nap,
so I can stay up late and not be cranky.
- Smart.
- And then, at midnight,
I become a man.
[SNIFFS] Ugh.
- What is that smell?
- Do you mean the terrible one?
Oh, yeah, it's bad.
I'm getting nothing.
I'm still getting over this cold.
Is it coming from outside?
And hopefully not from something in
our restaurant that I have to fix?
[SNIFFS] Oh! It's coming from outside.
Yeah, it is. Mamma mia!
You guys trying to solve
this stink mystery too?
We're like Law and Order:
S.V.P.U. over here, eh?
Hey, Bob! Stop breathing on everything.
You're making the whole town stink.
That's a zoom!
Your breath is probably
- only a little bad, Bob.
- [STUTTERS]
Uh, I think it might be
coming from the beach.
[LOUISE] To the beach.
- [BOB] Oh, my God.
- [LOUISE] Whoa!
You know what I bet is
making that terrible smell?
Those thousands and
thousands of dead fish.
- That's what I thought too.
- Nasty.
Warmer currents can lower
oxygen levels in the water,
causing fish to die
and wash up on shore.
So, good luck out there,
it's, uh, mmm, gross.
This won't mess up Lighthouse
Fire Hoax Night, right?
They'll figure it out, right?
They probably have their top guys
in a situation room as we speak, right?
- Right?
- Right?
I don't know. Ugh!
I can't take the smell.
I'm gonna go get some vinegar.
Good thinking, Dad.
Escape into a night salad.
No, Gene, to smell
anything besides this.
Your father has a sensitive schnoz.
It's what makes him such a good cook.
[LOUISE] God, how has he
survived living with us?
- It's been hard.
- [PHONE RINGING]
Bob's Burgers.
It's Edith. We're
meeting about the fish.
Okay, who's we?
[EDITH] Who's we? OABA, that's who.
[BOB] OABA?
Ocean Avenue Business Association.
- Oh, right, I'm in that.
- Yeah.
Come on, Bob. Keep up.
-Please stop yelling at me
-No, listen.
We're meeting tonight,
6 o'clock, your restaurant.
My restaurant? Why here?
Because it has seats and they're empty.
[SIGHS] Uh-huh.
- Because your restaurant's unpopular.
- Yeah, I got it.
[EDITH] Thank you for coming
to Bob's empty restaurant.
I hope everyone got a wrap.
You know, we do make burgers here,
Everyone likes wraps!
- They're compact.
- All right.
OABA emergency meeting
is called to order.
Tonight, we're here to discuss
how we're going to deal with
- with the dead fish situation.
- [BELL DINGS]
Don't mind me. Carry on.
Hey, you know you're
not supposed to be here.
You were discharged from
the association, pal.
Okay, okay, easy.
I'm just here to pick up the rent.
Didn't we already pay the rent?
Oh, my God, we did. That's weird.
Well, then, I'd like to order something.
Ooh, those wraps look good.
- Fat chance, Charlie.
- Fine.
I'll just have a shot of bourbon
with a vodka back, thank you.
- We don't have
- Yes, you do.
- Okay.
- Calvin, you know you can't stay.
I know. I was kicked out.
Just because one time I
hired a Borat impersonator
to come to a meeting and
strip down to his monokini.
Sorry for wanting to bring
a little joy to the OABA.
He kept saying everything was
"wah-wah wee-wah" and "very nice."
- It was disruptive. Out!
- Well, then.
So long, Ocean Avenue
Busy-body Ass-ociation!
That's a better name.
Anyway, I've been in
touch with the city.
They're sending a special tractor
with a mechanical beach rake.
It's the most efficient
way to remove the dead fish.
Hell, yeah.
But it's in Georgia right now and
won't be here for seven to 10 days.
[ALL] What?
Mom, Dad, say something.
Uh, so, uh, what happens to Lighthouse
Fire Hoax Night this Saturday?
It's far too stinky, we gotta cancel.
- No!
- No, no, no!
I mean, it's not
officially canceled yet.
That's why we're here
tonight to vote on it.
And just to remind everyone,
according to OABA bylaws,
the vote must be unanimous.
Fix this.
Okay, uh, wait, Edith.
Wha What if we just move Lighthouse
Fire Hoax Night to next week?
Can't. Next week is
the Psoriasis Fun Run.
And the week after that is the
Bongos on the Beach Bang Fest,
and then it's Sand Awareness Week.
Want me to keep going?
Well, what if everyone
goes to the beach right now,
and picks up an armful of dead
fish and takes it to the dump?
And then we all shower? Not together.
Even if everyone in town picked
up fish all day, every day,
we still wouldn't make it in time.
What if we tricked a whale
into eating all the fish?
- Who even said that?
- A cool dude.
So, all in favor of canceling
Lighthouse Fire Hoax Night this year,
raise your hand.
- Bob?
- Uh
Oh, my God. Looks like it's
gonna be an all-nighter.
Better bring in more wraps.
Damn it, Bob, I gotta get home.
I'm supposed to feed
my kids or something.
Tonight is me and
Harold's sex night, Bob.
And if we have to do it
here, we'll do it here.
It'll be loud.
I just wish there was a way
to save the Lighthouse Night.
There isn't! Now, quit wasting our time,
- and raise your furry little hands.
- [SIGHS]
Sorry, kids.
- Son of a bitch.
- Damn, that's cold.
Meeting adjourned.
Harold, let's ride.
Start unbuttoning stuff.
Oh, yeah!
Not on you, on me.
Under the table kids' meeting?
So, Dad's a traitor.
He's a regular Trader Joe.
But just because the adults
failed us, doesn't mean it's over.
It just means it's up to us now.
It's up to us to get rid of
tons of dead fish by ourselves?
- Yup.
- Too bad it's not chicken tikka masala.
But we'd need so much rice.
Never mind.
Okay, to save Lighthouse Fire Hoax
Night from all these dead fish,
we're going to need our
school's finest minds.
Michelle Pfeiffer?
Oh, wait, I thought you
said dangerous minds.
- So, who are we thinking?
- All the big brains.
I'm talking Chess Club, Science
Olympiad, the Robotics people.
Our pals in the Thinkgineers.
That seventh grader who goes
to high school just for math.
We'll build the most
powerful nerd alliance
the world has ever seen.
So, okay, this is
- Hmm.
- Yeah.
I guess a lot of people were busy.
"Thanks for coming, Rudy" would be nice.
There was a rumor there was
gonna be some fun beverages?
Maybe I just heard
what I wanted to hear.
I didn't hear, "Thanks
for coming, Rudy."
[BOB] All right, that's a little better.
- The candles help.
- It's nice.
- Put on Norah Jones.
- Ooh.
Is this fish smell not
driving you guys crazy?
Teddy, I can't believe
you can eat right now.
I can always eat.
I ate lunch at a porta potty once.
- I believe it.
- Yeah.
All the guys on the job site
had seen The Amazing Race finale,
and I didn't want any spoilers.
Well, I'm nose blind with this cold.
I feel bad for you healthy people.
- You poor schmucks.
- Yeah, I'd kill for a clogged-up nose.
- Kill who?
- Hey, wait. That could work.
- Where you going, Bob?
- To shove basil up my nose, Teddy.
[TEDDY] Oh, cool.
I said cool because I
didn't know what else to say.
So, this is really it, huh?
How many times are you gonna say that?
It's a little hurtful.
Hey, Tina. I'm here to
help with the brainstorming.
Oh, really? Like, with the brain part?
Get in here, J-Ju. You son of a gun.
Come on! Okay! I'm gonna get you good!
Ow! Zeke! Not so physical!
- [ZEKE] I love you!
- [CLEARS THROAT] Okay, people.
How are we gonna get
those fish off the beach?
No bad ideas. Go.
So many bad ideas.
[SIGHS] Some kind of laser beam.
My cousin popped a
balloon with a laser beam.
It went zzz, pa-pow!
Maybe it was a laser
pointer, I don't know.
Maybe, maybe it never happened.
Uh-huh? Okay. This keeps coming up.
Trick a whale into eating all the fish.
Wow, what a great idea.
Hey, guys. Sorry I'm late.
Susmita! Oh, thank God.
Get your big ass brain in here, friend.
How's it going so far?
- Pretty rough. Pretty rough.
- Hey!
Clean up the beach with magic?
Eh? Wouldn't that be cool?
Okay, well, let's think
about this logically.
Fish die in the ocean
all the time, right?
They do? Aww.
So, maybe we can just
return the fish to the ocean.
But won't the waves do that thing that
waves do and bring them right back?
Not if we can get the
fish out past the breakers.
- How do we do that?
- We could fling 'em?
Fling 'em far?
What, like some kind of catapult?
Well, if there's one
thing us Thinkgineers
could do, it's build a catapult.
Sometimes I feel like that's all we do.
I'm not complaining,
I, I find it meditative.
But we're gonna need something
bigger than a catapult.
What's bigger than a catapult?
- A trebuchet?
- What's a trebuchet?
It's like a catapult but bigger.
So, we need to figure out how
many fish we can throw at once
and how far we can throw them.
Sounds like we're making a prototype.
Go get your popsicle sticks and let's
make something that's gonna wow OABA
and get us back our
midnight fire on the beach.
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
- Bam!
- We did it.
Yeah, baby! This is gonna work.
Uh, yeah, that's not gonna work.
- Oh.
- Oh. Thank you, Henry Haber.
Your counterweight proportions compared
to the length of your pivot arm,
I mean, come on.
That's what I kept saying, hmm?
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
Is this Did we do it?
- This could work.
- [ALL] Yeah!
Good thing I'm here. Haber's gone habe.
You sticking more
stuff up your nose, Bob?
Yeah, rosemary.
Wow, rosemary, basil.
You roasting a turkey up there?
[LAUGHS] She nailed you, Bob.
[LINDA] Hey, kids.
Ooh, what you got there?
Did you build the homework?
Oh, no, we have so much
homework we haven't done.
This contraption is how we're gonna send
all those dead fish flying
back from whence they came.
Okay, I'm here. Make it fast.
I gotta get back to the
store. I got secrets to sort.
- Edith? Uh
- Nice nose garden, Bob!
Yes, hi. Thank you so
much for meeting with us.
I had to go outside to
hock a loogie anyway.
We have a whiz bang
winner here for ya. Tina?
What? Oh, oh, yeah.
[SIGHS] I already regret coming here.
Good feedback, thank you.
Imagine a bigger version of this
that would fling the dead
fish deep into the ocean.
The beach is clean,
Lighthouse Fire Hoax Night back on,
the town rejoices.
Now, to make this a reality,
we just need between
$30,000 and $30 million.
- [TINA] Hmm, yeah.
- How about a demonstration,
someone said?
- [LINDA] Oh, my face!
- Now are you convinced?
- Yeah, I'm gonna go.
- [GENE] Go get your checkbook?
I'm gonna leave here and go
back to the land of reality.
[TINA] Because that's where
you keep your checkbook?
[EDITH] Thanks for
wasting my time. [SPITS]
[LOUISE SIGHS] Well, it's official.
- LFHN is off.
- The fish won.
Those dead fish have all the luck.
Hey, kids.
Oof! I can't believe
you want to be here.
- It smells like how we feel.
- I'm so sorry.
And again, I'm sorry about
voting to cancel the thing.
I just didn't know what else to do.
I don't know, you could've
punched Edith and walked out.
True, next time I will.
It's just Lighthouse Fire Hoax Night is,
it's just a really special
night for us kids, you know?
- Yeah, I know it is.
- Ugh.
We were so close to being
able to fix everything.
I mean, sort of.
It's just, it's a pretty tall
order, what you were trying to build.
You need like, a huge piece of
machinery to fling the fish really far.
Something that can kind of whip
around with just a ton of force.
So, like that thing?
Oh, I guess.
Good, so let's use that.
- [LAUGHS] Yes.
- Oh, yeah.
- Uh, no.
- Why not?
Because it's an amusement park ride
and that's crazy?
All in favor raise your hand.
Tough luck, Dad, out voted. Sorry, bro.
Guess we'd better go talk
to our favorite one-eyed guy.
- That Minion?
- The hot one?
Mr. Fischoeder.
- Oh, right.
- Right.
[MR. FISCHOEDER]
So, let me get this straight.
You want me to move the Sky Hammer,
a three-ton ride, onto the beach.
- Yes.
- And then you want me
to fill it up with dead fish.
- Correct.
- Uh, why would I do this?
'Cause you like helping children?
Where did you hear that dirty lie?
Come on, the dead fish
smell can't be great
for Wonder Wharf business, right?
We've survived worse.
MTV Spring Break filmed here one year.
Sorry, Mr. Fischoeder.
I told them you'd say no, but they
don't care what I say about things.
Plus, I mean, it might
not even be legal.
And I'm pretty sure OABA
wouldn't be on board with it.
- So, you might as well
- Hmm.
Oh, yeah.
OABA, oh, they would hate it
if you went behind their backs
and helped us clean up the fish.
- Okay, I'm in.
- Wait. Really? You are?
You can use the Sky Hammer, we'll
move it to the beach tomorrow.
Thanks, Mr. Fischoeder.
Hey, wait! I just thought of something.
Your name is Mr. Fischoeder,
and we're talking about a fish odor.
- I don't follow.
- Oh.
[MR. FISCHOEDER] Okay, Wharf workers,
we're going to move a ride.
You know the drill.
And I'm not saying that
because in the past,
we've had to make several
rides go bye bye in the night
to avoid a lawsuit,
because we never did that.
Anyway, make this go over there.
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
[ZEKE] Ding, dang, doodle.
It's our model, but bigger.
[RUDY] It's like we did
this, but they did this.
Wait, how's this whole thing gonna work?
Well, the fish get loaded
into the roller coaster car
which gets pushed to the Sky Hammer
and dumped into the part of the
ride where you would usually sit.
Then they start up the
ride, it whips around,
and when the bucket part is at
just the right spot in the
Um, Henry, give me the
smart person words here.
When the pivot arm reaches
the point of its trajectory,
with the maximum amount
of kinetic energy
Thank you, that's plenty.
Then a rope is pulled to release
the door and the fish go flying.
And the in-flight
movie is The Fabelmans.
Okay.
I feel like I've definitely
thrown up on this ride.
And now it's doing this.
[MAN] Life can be pretty
beautiful sometimes
I see you're doing the dumb plan
that the children came up with.
Oh, hello, Edith. Funny seeing you here.
You texted me.
You wrote, "Come to the
Wharf, bring OABA people.
Hashtag sticking it to you.
Crossed-eyed, tongue-out emoji."
So, how you feeling?
Perturbed? Tongue out?
I don't suppose you filled out
any permits for this crap show.
Permits? [CHUCKLES] Those are for dorks.
I expect this from him, but Bob,
don't you want to avoid the
obvious end to all of this,
when it fails spectacularly and
it's really embarrassing for you?
You think Bob isn't
used to embarrassment?
- And failing spectacularly?
- Thank you, everyone.
Uh, Edith, I know this seems crazy,
but the kids had a big idea to
save something important to them,
and I think we owe it to
them to give it a shot.
- Sounds stupid.
- [BOB] Mmm.
Also, OABA sucks.
- [LOUISE] Let's hit it.
- Hey, I say hit it!
- Hit it!
- [ZEKE] Fling it, baby! Fling it!
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]
[SKY HAMMER WHIRRING]
Pull!
[ROPE SNAPS]
[ALL GROANING]
Well, so much for training
for the Psoriasis Fun Run.
- Told you so.
- Bob's dumb.
- [BOB SIGHS]
- Hey, my sinuses just cleared up.
I can smell! [SNIFFS]
Ooh. [RETCHES]
Oh, my God, have you been
smelling this all along?
[RETCHES]
[TINA] So, ideally the
fish go out into the ocean
- and not straight down, right?
- Yes, Tina.
- Just checking.
- So what do we think happened?
It's the rope.
We thought we'd be able to
operate the release latch remotely,
but no, it's like a [SIGHS]
You know when you tie a
string around your wiener
and you run it down your
pants to your big toe, it just,
- it never works how you want it to.
- [BOB] Hmm.
- Can we fix it?
- Well, we wouldn't need a rope
if someone was in the car
operating the latch manually,
but who would do that?
You can pay a carny to
do pretty much anything,
but they will not get on a ride ever.
They know a little too much.
So, that's it then, huh?
It's just so sad.
Crap in my hat and call it a cake.
What Zeke said.
Serves us right for
having hope, I guess.
- I'll do it.
- You'll do what?
Go inside the thing with
the fish and pull the latch
to open the door or whatever.
- Whoa!
- Are you nuts?
I mean, I'll be strapped
in with a seat belt thing.
So it's pretty safe, right?
Oh, uh, yeah, sure.
- You don't have to do this, Dad.
- Yeah, Bob.
You'd be trapped in there
with all this stinky fish.
And your nose is so delicate,
like a little baby nose.
I wouldn't call it a little baby nose,
but yes, I'm aware that
I'll be in with the fish.
It's gonna be like a fishy
ball pit, Mr. Belcher.
You don't have to keep
describing what it'll be like.
On the plus side, some cats
would kill to be in your position.
[MR. FISCHOEDER] Helmet.
We used to have a daredevil.
- Now he's a dareangel.
- Oh.
Neck brace from our neck brace bucket.
- Remember that ride the Neck-Cracker?
- No.
And finally, in case you
need a friend up there
- Oh.
- Hippie Potamus.
- Okay.
- "Last chance to back out, Dad,"
is something I would have said earlier.
'Cause now you're fully committed and
you're all dressed up to do it, and
Thank you for your service.
I'm proud of you, Dad.
You're a male she-ro.
I also think this is maybe just
a cool look for you in general.
Don't rattle your noggin'
around too much in there.
I want us to get smart in our old age.
We're gonna read books, Bobby!
Short ones probably, but books.
Goodbye, my best friend.
- Teddy, I'm not gonna die. Ow.
- Sure you're not, pal.
- Teddy, stop.
- You're gonna be just fine.
- Ow. Let me go.
- Let him go, Teddy.
- [TEDDY CRYING]
- Get off him.
[TEDDY] I can't let go!
- I can't let go.
- Get off him!
- [TEDDY WHIMPERS]
- [BOB] Oh, boy.
[TEDDY WHIMPERS]
[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]
[EXHALES]
This is crazy.
This is crazy. This
is crazy. Okay, okay.
I, I can do this.
You can do this. Yeah.
It's gonna be fine. It's not a problem.
Here we go and ready and
Dump the fish!
Oh, my God. Oh, my God,
oh, my God, oh, my God.
I changed my mind. I
don't want to do it.
- I changed my mind.
- Close him up.
- Oh, God, I don't want to do it.
- Let it rip!
[BOB] Oh. Oh, God.
Ah!
Oh, oh.
[LINDA] Oh, jeez. Oh, oh, Go Oh, boy.
He's so brave.
[BOB SCREAMING]
- Bob! Pull!
- [GROANS]
[ALL CHEERING]
I did it! I did it! [LAUGHS]
Yep! Only a hundred or
so more launches to go.
- Oh, my God.
- Dump the fish!
[SOFT MUSIC PLAYING]
[MOANING]
[SCREAMING]
I hate this!
[BOB SCREAMING]
Why? Wh why? Why? Why? Why?
- That poor lady.
- Final batch of fish, Bob.
[ALL CHEERING]
He's never gonna be the same again.
You know that, right?
This is the best day of my life.
Oh! I am so proud of that stinky cutie.
Well, the ride's kind of the real hero.
I can't believe those safety
straps held up this whole time.
- [ROPE SNAPS]
- [BOB SCREAMS]
Never mind.
[CROWD GASPING]
I'm alive!
- He's alive!
- Oh, thank God.
- [ALL CHEERING]
- [SOFT MUSIC PLAYING]
[SPEEDO GUY]
I don't know what I'm cheering for,
but yeah!
[EDITH] I can't believe
that dumbass plan worked.
[MR. FISCHOEDER] You're welcome.
And as a reward, I have a proposal.
- OABA, I want back in.
- [HAROLD] Huh.
And I am allowed one Borat
impersonator per year.
[EDITH] Can he be less drunk?
[MR. FISCHOEDER]
He won't be as good, but I can ask.
Things are heating up on
Lighthouse Fire Hoax Night ♪
There's burning love on
Lighthouse Fire Hoax Night ♪
We found the fish
then we got our wish ♪
Now the whole darn village ♪
Can pretend it's been
plundered and pillaged ♪
On Lighthouse Fire Hoax Night ♪
Remember when I almost died? ♪
Feel the burning love on
Lighthouse Fire Hoax Night ♪