American Dad s16e18 Episode Script

1
Do you have a little time
for saving the planet?
No, I don't! No, I don't!
But you have time to hide in a bush?
It's important to me,
so I make the time.
Pardon me, do you want clean air?
- [HORN HONKS]
- We're not asking for anything!
Just handing out information!
WOMAN:
That's not a risk I'm willing to take!
Sorry, babe.
I'm sure we can trick
somebody into taking a flyer.
We're not trying to trick anybody, Jeff.
- Really?
- [SIGHS]
All I'm trying to do is make
the world a better place.
Beep! Beep! Backing up, backing up!
- [HORN HONKS]
- Hey, you don't own the roads!
- Roger?
- Dr. Sunny Sunderson.
If you or anyone you know is
interested in going solar,
fill one of these out
and leave it in that dead
ficus tree on 18th Street.
I won't let the USPS on my property
'cause I don't engage with any business
that produces greenhouse gases.
I use no fossil fuels!
"Dr. Sunny Sunderson's SunSuckers."
Wait, is this one
of your blowjob businesses?
Dr. Sunny Sunderson's SunSuckers
is one of the cleanest
and greenest businesses in the world!
Just loaded up on supplies.
Seaweed sheet?
Wait, Roger,
you really own a solar business?
- Want to come see my shop?
- Might as well.
- What's the address?
- No.
You come with me or
you don't come at all.
- But we have Jeff's van.
- No fossil fuels!
- [HORN HONKS]
- MAN: Come on, move the tricycle, pal!
This is a recumbent bike, buddy.
More like a repugnant bike.
Oh, yeah? Well, try this on for size.
[GRUNTS]
Yeah, you better run
Oh, he's not running, he's getting out.
Everyone on the bike! Let's go!
Good morning, U.S.A.
I got a feelin'
that it's gonna be a wonderful day
The sun in the sky has
a smile on his face
And he's shinin'
a salute to the American race
Oh, boy, it's swell to say
- Good
- Good morning, U.S.A.
Aah!
Good morning, U.S.A.
Who has the TV listings booklet?
The what?
The booklet in the Sunday
paper that tells you
when every show is on so
you can plan out your week,
decide what days of work to skip.
- They still make that?
- Why do you need it?
I thought you had every channel
and every program memorized.
Because sometimes they change it.
I thought you said you could anticipate
changes in programming
even before the networks.
That is true, I can do that.
But what's even truer is my
love for antiquated practices
long after they're deemed useless.
Greg, Stan Smith from across the street.
Yes, it has been a good, long while.
I was wondering if you got
your TV listings booklet
with your paper today.
Oh, okay.
Oh, really?
He got his today,
but he didn't get his last week.
I think we have on our hands
a TV listings booklet thief.
Oh, my god, this is serious!
Whoo-hoo-hoo!
My SunSuckers perform better
than any other solar panel on the market
'cause they don't just capture the sun,
they suck it in.
This is great.
I didn't know you had personas who cared
about the greater good.
Yeah, they care so I don't have to.
Hey, Dale, how's the wife?
She came back!
Are you installing my
final solar panel today?
Hey, I gave you my six-month guarantee,
and then a couple of
four-month guarantees,
and then my famous 29-month guarantee,
and I finished only three months late.
I came up with the
idea for the SunSucker
while scuba diving out in Mollusk Bay.
I almost got my face
ripped off by an octopus.
As it brought me into its siphon,
I thought,
"What if I could do this to the sun?"
And suck it in!
Exactly.
Now I'm gonna use it
to turn Langley Falls
completely solar.
- That's amazing.
- [HORN BLARES]
[SCREAMING]
We're good. Everyone's good.
Built it all myself,
everything running off SunSuckers,
of course.
This is a real solar company.
Of course it's real.
Why wouldn't it be real?
It's just always so hard for me
to understand what you can do.
I mean, this looks like a
lifetime's worth of work,
and yet I know yesterday,
you spent the whole day as
taco inspector Feliz Nachodad.
So you do understand.
Now let me show you the beads.
My beautiful beads.
This full tub represents all
the pollution in Langley.
Each bead is 1,000
tons of carbon dioxide.
I never do anything to add to this pile.
And every time I install a solar panel,
I move one bead to mark my progress.
That's the fifth unit I've installed
in the last 2 1/2 years.
And I'm not stopping
'til I fill the whole thing.
But it's gonna take you
like 1,000 years to do that.
Okay?
And these are all customers
you don't have time to get to?
I'm going as fast as I can!
Unless you know a better route
to recumbent bike cycle into town,
because that commute alone
takes up 95% of my day.
Yes! We can use Jeff's van.
No fossil fuels!
No, listen,
it would just be in the beginning,
- and in the long run
- You're trying to trick me.
I will not be tricked again!
I was on the Bell labs
crew that designed
the first commercial
silicon solar cell in 1954.
I had big dreams, the kind of dreams
I would never share with you.
Like what dreams?
Like a giant needle to the
sky with a SuperDuperSunSucker
on top that could power an entire town.
Hey, I said I wasn't gonna
share my dreams with you.
Last time somebody promised to help me,
I was tricked into
accidentally designing
the F-350 super duty truck
for Ford motor company.
We're not trying to trick you.
Really?
I work alone now, just like the sun.
But don't you see?
That's why the sun is so sad.
Someday I'll find someone
to share this life with.
Why can't you see me?
The world doesn't have time
to wait for Roger to save it.
If we create a tiny bit of pollution now
to move things along quicker,
his clean energy could
power all of Langley.
Pollution, babe?
Doesn't that betray
his whole philosophy?
Oh, so you're a philosopher now?
Well, wrap your big brain around this.
I happen to know an anonymous customer
just gifted Dr. Sunderson
a three-night stay
at the thermal spas in Redbluff.
Oh, that's nice.
He'll like that as long
as it's not fossils.
He hates fossils.
He's always like, "no fossils, fools!"
Goodbye, sweet sunflowers.
I'll be back in nine days.
His dumb bike!
It's a three-day ride each way.
This is it.
This is my opportunity
to save the earth.
Jeff, move our office into the trailer.
WOMAN: Langley Comcast,
how may I help you?
Yes, I would like phone and Internet
installed at a business
I definitely own.
Great!
The fact that you say you
definitely own the business
means we can part with all the paperwork
and send someone there right away.
Good, because
I definitely own this business.
Good, because that's why
we said we could help you.
-
-
Wish I could stay forever,
but that would cut into
my 1,000-year plan to turn
Langley Falls completely solar.
Well, we wouldn't want
to keep you from that.
I feel like you're being
really rude right now.
Is this because of
the multiple accidents
I had in the hot stone room?
I feel like this is
undoing all the relaxation
I've accomplished here.
Now I'm tense like this.
My whole body's in a knot.
Oh! Not my b-hole.
Holly, could you be a dear
and grab a towel?
It's the stone room all over again.
Here's the plan.
This Sunday, TV listings booklet day,
we will be in positions by 4:30 A.M.
I'll be in the back of the SUV.
We'll have Klaus on lookout
at the end of the block.
Steve, you'll be on Greg's
roof with night-vision goggles.
Does Greg know that?
H-He's a gun owner!
Francine, you'll be
at the living-room window
running supplies from the house.
Stan, I'm gonna be sleeping.
Do you even care to know
what's going on on television?
I use the guide button, Stan.
Well, do you care
about the principle of it?
- No, I do not.
- I care, Stan.
I care about everything you care about.
What the hell?
My name and likeness on a gas guzzler?
You're back!
Have you been driving
around town with my face
all over your dang pollution wagon?
- Wait, Roger
- You're making a fraud out of me!
It's the F-350 super
duty all over again!
I'm gonna kill myself!
Looks like your computer crashed.
[LAUGHS]
Now that I'm laughing,
I see there's still
something to live for.
Listen, we're not tricking you.
We're helping you.
Look!
My beads.
Since you left, we used
less than a bead's
worth of fossil fuels.
[GASPS] The bad bin.
And while you were gone,
we installed eight new SunSuckers.
So many.
Now, isn't that better?
It is better.
Look, we all want the same thing.
A carnitas burrito from La Blahteca?
To save the planet by
getting rid of fossil fuels.
And I believe if we do this,
we can fill that good bin all the way.
Okay, we can use
a little bit of fossil fuels.
Thank you!
Wow.
This is
really good.
Let the sunshine
Let the sunshine in
The sunshine in
Let the sunshine
Let the sunshine in
The sunshine in
Let the sunshine
Oh, let it shine
Let the sunshine in
Come on
The sunshine in
Everybody just sing along
Let the sunshine
Because Dr. Sunderson's SunSuckers
don't just capture the sun,
they suck it in.
So, let us suck you off
fossil fuels and into solar energy!
Tonight, we visit
with Dr. Sunny Sunderson
and his SunSuckers
to find out what they're doing
to eliminate fossil fuels.
And as soon as I had the idea,
the octopus just released me,
and I'm working on new
ideas all the time.
This is a model of a
giant water misting system
that could cool a whole town.
All winter, it sucks in moisture.
Then in the summer,
the fan blows it all out in a cool mist.
The key is this orifice.
Can you guess where I got the idea?
Uh cat's butthole?
No! The middle of a starfish.
Oh. And what is this?
That's my life's dream,
and it's almost done.
Come on!
How did I not notice this?
I wanted to build it all
the way to the stratosphere,
but Langley's got all
these dumb ordinances.
Turns out you can't
build anything higher
than the sharks nest out of
respect for the bazooka sharks.
- MAN: 'Zooka sharks!
- Hell yeah, buddy!
This is our year!
My money's actually on
the Tampa taserdactyls.
They're tough.
Their domestic-violence
record speaks for itself.
Now, Ms. Smith,
Dr. Sunderson was in business for
years, but it wasn't
until you came on board
that all this happened.
What did you do?
Look, he's the genius.
I just try to keep him organized.
She's being modest.
She taught me that even if it seems like
you're doing something bad,
it's okay as long as it ends
up being more good than bad.
[CHUCKLES]
Just got to keep the beads
moving in the right direction.
I'm sorry, what are the beads?
The beads are everything.
I never did learn what the beads were,
but one thing I did learn,
Dr. Sunderson is on
to something special.
When we come back, an Amazonian tribe
that's never had contact
with the outside world,
and yet knows every
word to Taylor Swift's
"You need to calm down."
Mm, have you guys had
these sour cream and
onion seaweed snacks yet?
I like them.
You can throw 'em way farther.
What's wrong?
Langley Gas & Electric
must've seen us on the show.
They're undercutting us
to put us out of business.
They can't, we have 30% of the market.
Had.
We already lost half our customers.
We'll win 'em back.
Langley Gas & Electric are
offering us a lifeline.
They'd raise their prices
again for a minority share
of Dr. Sunderson's SunSuckers.
Never!
Sour cream's got some zip to it.
Steve, you took off
your night-vision goggles.
STEVE: The sun's coming up!
It's stinging my eyes!
Face it, no one's coming
to steal your precious
TV listings thing.
KLAUS: I'll wait all day, Stan.
Alright, fine.
- Abort mission.
- Yes!
We're on the same page, Stan.
Total abortion.
The thief probably didn't strike
because he spotted Steve on the roof.
He probably saw you on the corner.
You were checking Instagram
every two minutes.
Oh, Steve, you want to freakin' "@" me?
But the thief did strike.
We're missing the TV listings booklet.
Oh, you must feel so stupid now, Steve.
Babe, cheer up.
So big business crushed
the little guy again
and you're not gonna be
able to save the world.
Doesn't mean it's the end of the world.
I figured it out!
We can save the business without bowing
to Langley Gas & Electric!
I didn't see this either?
Don't beat yourself up.
There was a Charles Barkley
fathead here until yesterday.
Whoa, this is the nicest
treehouse I've ever been in.
You do the honors.
What is this?
Push it.
[BEEP]
[EXPLOSIONS]
Roger, what have you done?!
We've blown up all the gas stations,
power plants,
and oil refineries in Langley.
I called them in first,
so no one got hurt,
but those power plants are toast.
Now Langley will have no
choice but to use our solar.
I know it looks like a lot of pollution,
but in the long run,
it's actually better for the earth,
and you taught me
that's all that matters.
Wow, I didn't anticipate these fires
when I blew up those power plants.
At least they're pretty.
Why are they spreading?
They're spreading
because they're burning
back to their source,
the great eastern pipeline.
Roger, what happens
if they hit the pipeline?
That's what we energy
scientists call a big kabloomy.
Yep, if it reaches the pipeline,
all of Langley will be gone.
Except the fires.
Those might end up being
seriously eternal flames.
SIRI:
Playing "Eternal flame" by the Bangles.
I said, "seriously eternal flames,"
not, "Siri, play 'Eternal flames.'"
Sometimes she's so stupid.
You know what
you know, i-I'm not mad, I'm not mad.
- I like this song.
- Roger!
How long do we have before
the fire hits the pipeline?
Long enough to listen to this
song without being yelled at.
We can't let the town burn!
Because the town is where we live!
Do you feel the same
I hate to harp on this,
but in the end,
this will help our company.
We're the only game in town.
Is this burning
The smoke's blocking the sun!
[FLAMES CRACKLING]
That's no good.
The sun's like our number-one
source of solar energy.
Let's just think.
How can we put out those fires?
Okay, time to put every
last bit of my mental energy
into saving the
Oh, my god, I love this part.
Say my name
Sun shines through the rain
A whole life
[SIREN WAILS]
End of days is here again, bitches!
What is happening?!
Attention viewers, the world is ending!
I'm reporting news like this
because there is no TV anymore.
No TV?
But what about the TV listings
booklets every Sunday?
Kiss 'em goodbye, baby!
Nooooo!
Noooo!
Maybe if I just start saying words,
something will click.
Yodel.
Marble.
- Chartreuse.
- Stop.
Face it, this is a giant disaster.
Giant! That's it!
My giant misters!
They've been storing
moisture all winter.
They can blow out the fires!
But all you have is a model.
But what do you think
the model was based on?
The real thing.
[FLAMES CRACKLING]
Man, I'm missing everything.
It's hooked up to my
SuperDuperSunSucker.
We just need to power it up.
But the sunlight isn't hitting it.
Oh, no?
Well, don't tell Sheri at City Planning,
but I built this tower
with a telescoping shaft.
But how are you gonna
get the solar panel
above the clouds with no electricity?
With good old-fashioned leg-tricity.
This is crazy high!
Jeff, activate the misters.
It's working!
[CRASH]
What the hell?
Something's stuck on the spire!
Holy cow!
It was a Telemundo satellite!
I was practically raised
on "Sabado Gigante."
Telemundo rules, Univision drools!
The satellite is blocking the sun
from hitting the SuperDuperSunSucker!
Maybe if we move the
SuperDuperSunSucker.
[GRUNTING]
Roger, stop!
But this is all my fault.
No. I did this.
You were helping the earth.
It wasn't much, but it was something.
And then I came along and
tried to make a big difference,
and now all of Langley
is burning to the ground.
You're optimistic enough
to try to do big things.
That's not a problem.
- I'm the one with the problem.
- What's that?
I'm [BLEEP] loco, ese.
The sun! We're back in business!
Roger!
It's okay, sun's hitting it.
We're good, everyone's good.
It's working!
The misters are extinguishing the fires!
I guess I could've just thrown this.
So you guys didn't even get in trouble
for all the damage you did?
Oh, no, Langley Gas & Electric
totally bailed us out.
I just had to give them my
character's science stuff.
I had fun saving the world.
Jeff, we didn't save the world.
We realized a vision of
what the world could be
and squandered it.
If anything,
we set clean energy back decades.
Well, I had fun.
Hey, we didn't get any closure
on who was stealing our
TV listings booklets.
Ugh, I'm so over that.
You know, honestly,
I'm just happy everyone's safe.
Well, I'm gonna go take a dump.
You sly little devil.
That's right.
It was your boy Stan the whole time.
I've been stealing these from myself
and my neighbors for years.
Why?
The better question is
Who?
Who am I talking to right now?
What is happening?
Bye! Have a beautiful time!