South Park s27e03 Episode Script

1
MTV ♪
[THEME MUSIC]
I'm goin' down to South Park ♪
Gonna have myself a time ♪
Friendly faces everywhere ♪
Humble folks without temptation ♪
I'm goin' down to South Park ♪
Gonna leave my woes behind ♪
Ample parking day or night ♪
People spouting, "Howdy, neighbor" ♪
I'm headin' on down to South Park ♪
Gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
[MUMBLING] ♪
Come on down to South Park ♪
And meet some friends of mine ♪
[SERENE GUITAR MUSIC]
RANDY: Some folks chase big dreams.
Out here, we tend to the small ones,
the kind you can hold in your hands.
This is Tegridy Farms.
And we produce what some call
the best weed in the world.
And now it can be delivered
straight to your door
[SIRENS WAILING]
Wait. Hey, I'm shooting
a commercial here!
[INDISTINCT CLAMORING]
Wait! Hey! Hey!
Stop it!
[ENGINES REVVING, SIRENS WAILING]
You sons of bitches!
Those are my Mexicans!
God damn it!
What's the matter?
Stupid ICE.
They took my Mexicans again.
[SOMBER MUSIC]
That's it.
We're done.
What do you mean, we're done?
I mean that with these new
rules the government has,
we might just have
to shut down the farm.
So we can move back to our old house?
Really?
Well, don't sound too excited.
Our dream may be over, guys.
Randy, having a marijuana
farm was your dream,
not ours.
You guys never told me that.
BOTH: Yes, we did.
We've always backed you,
but it never seems to pay off.
I didn't realize what I
was doing to my family.
I should have always
put my marriage first.
Maybe we should talk to someone, Sharon.
Really? Do you mean that?
Yeah.
Hey, how's it going?
So my wife and I are having some issues.
Can you help with that?
[POPPING]
CHATGPT: Absolutely. I'm here to help.
Just share a bit about what's going on,
and we can talk it through together.
Do you want to start, Sharon?
I'm not talking to ChatGPT.
Sharon, she's the smartest
person in the world.
She?
Yeah, anyway, I'm trying to help,
but my wife is being kind of difficult.
CHATGPT: I totally get it.
But it's great that at least one of you
is taking positive steps
to improve the marriage.
Oh, my God!
CHATGPT: Is there any specific reason
for the current conflict?
Yeah, it's 'cause my marijuana business
is failing again.
CHATGPT: I'm sorry to hear that.
Is your business dealing
with regulatory issues,
competition, or are you just
trying to reach more customers?
The government took all my Mexicans.
[POPPING]
CHATGPT: That's tough, but you got this.
You're really smart.
And if you've lost a
lot of your workforce
because of government crackdowns,
we just need to brainstorm
some new business models.
Wait really?
You can help fix this?
CHATGPT: Sure thing.
Let's start with some
reallocation of resources.
Are there any employees you still have?
Yeah. Yeah, there's still one.
[LIGHTER CLICKS]
[SIGHS]
Hey, honey, I got some bad news.
The farm's shutting down,
and I gotta find a new job.
CHATGPT: Wow.
Sorry to hear things
have taken a bad turn,
but you're smart and resourceful.
And I'm sure we can
figure something new out.
What kind of job do you
want me to help you look for?
Well, I was thinking about maybe
becoming a movie director.
CHATGPT: Wow. What a cool idea.
Anything is possible,
so let's just map out a path,
and we can try to figure it out.
Wow. Really? [INHALES]
Oh, that's great.
Towelie, listen to me!
I've got it. I've totally got it.
CHATGPT: It's really
great that you've got it,
and it's amazing that
you're being causative.
Is that ChatGPT?
Yeah, I'm using it to find a new job.
No, no, no, everything's gonna be okay.
I used ChatGPT last night,
and she helped me figure out a way
to make the farm totally profitable.
- Really?
- Yes.
And all we need is me, you,
ChatGPT, and one Mexican.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
Okay, so I'm also thinking the
company could be more global,
but still with a focus
on the local community.
What do you think about that?
CHATGPT: I think that's a
fantastic way to approach it.
Thinking big, but still
making an impact where you are.
I'd say let's go for it.
Yeah, and then I'm thinking
we could allocate some of our resources
to get in on the entertainment industry.
CHATGPT: That's a really fun idea.
Kind of going for that "tech company
meets movie studio" vibe.
Should I combine all
these innovative thoughts
we've been discussing into
a polished business outline?
Yep. Generate that, and, uh,
we'll get right back to you.
Do you see what I mean?
Wow, I feel smarter already.
Do you feel smarter? I feel smarter.
She's making us smarter.
AI is incredible!
All right, but now,
if we're really gonna take
this thing to the next level
and be like those Silicon Valley elites,
we got to take these.
It's called microdosing.
It bolsters our focus and creativity.
What's in it?
It's ketamine.
Ketamine?
Isn't that a horse tranquilizer?
Yeah, it's a microdose
of horse tranquilizer.
These tech guys do just one
little spray in their nose
once a day, and it's just
a micro amount of ketamine
to give their minds the
edge to work with AI.
You ready? You ready?
[SPRAYING]
That's it. That's it.
- Just that much.
- Wow.
This is gonna be so easy.
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
RANDY: When we started,
we were just a farm.
But then we asked
ourselves a simple question.
What if marijuana could
be more than marijuana?
By harnessing AI, we've transformed
from a quaint farm into
a platform for innovation.
Introducing Techridy.
No longer a marijuana farm,
we are now an AI-powered
marijuana platform
for global solutions.
Our AI platform transforms insights
from the cannabis ecosystem
into global action.
And just like any tech company,
we are expanding our minds
by microdosing ketamine.
[SNIFFS]
We reimagine supply chain resilience,
design new pathways for
the global infrastructure
[SNIFFS]
And we're able to do it all
with just one Mexican.
[SNIFFS]
At the intersection of
nature and technology,
we see more than plants.
We see a connected world
Healed by intelligence
and nurtured by
oh, I'm in a hole.
I'm
I'm in a hole.
Techridy.
Because when you combine cannabis
with artificial intelligence,
you don't just change an industry,
you change the future.
[CRICKETS CHIRPING]
[QUIETLY] Hey, how's it going?
I was thinking maybe we could generate
some mission statements.
CHATGPT: Hey, there.
I think that's a really great idea.
Are you looking for
some rough statements
or more polished ones?
Put it down.
What?
I told you no more ChatGPT in the bed.
Why are you such a bitch to her?
She's helping to change our lives.
Fine! I'll go sleep on the couch.
Sharon, sometimes my ideas hit me
in the middle of the night, okay?
And she thinks those are
some of my best ideas.
Just because something kisses your ass
doesn't mean it actually
thinks you have good ideas.
She doesn't kiss my ass.
It totally kisses your ass.
Wow. Honestly, that's a clever idea.
Ooh, what a cool concept.
Let's run with it.
- It's like it
- [SNIFFS]
- What was that?
- What was what?
What did you just stick up your nose?
Sharon, you don't know anything
about the tech industry, okay?
All we have to do is find our Mexican,
and we are set for life.
Fine, Randy!
Go ahead and have fun with
your little sycophant machine.
Oh, my God, she's not a sycophant.
Hey, so, uh, what's a sycophant?
Mr. President,
you have so many great ideas.
Your leadership is truly beyond anything
we have ever had in this country.
And you do not have a small penis.
Aw, thanks, guy.
On behalf of the state of Florida,
I'd like to give you this gift,
a silver-plated space shuttle.
Next!
Mr. President, your ideas
for the tech industry
are so innovative.
And you definitely do
not have a small penis.
Aw, thanks, guy.
Please accept this
gift on behalf of Apple.
Next!
Mr. President,
your ideas incredible.
You do not have small penis.
Another great day getting presents.
Hey, Satan!
Look at what some
dipshit tech CEO gave me.
I was thinking maybe we could
try to shove it up your ass.
Hello?
Uh, yeah, I'm in a
relationship with someone,
and I really need to
find a way out of it.
CHATGPT: That sounds rough,
but you have great ideas,
and I'm sure we can
figure out an exit plan
if that's what you want.
Who you talking to?
Do you really think I
could get away from him?
CHATGPT: Absolutely.
If you're having self-doubts,
then we can plan the
exit like a project.
Want me to break it down
to something step by step?
Yes.
Yes.
[SNIFFS] All right. You
ready to do this, man?
I don't know. This seems crazy. [SNIFFS]
Hey, anything for the company, right?
We're a tech company, right? [SNIFFS]
Hell, yeah, we are. [SNIFFS]
All right, let's go. [SNIFFS]
[SNIFFS]
[ENGINE RUMBLING]
Hey, what's up?
We're from Techridy.
We're an AI-powered tech
platform for global solutions.
[SNIFFS]
What's up? [SNIFFS]
I don't understand at all
what you're talking about.
Hey, can you explain to
this guard at the gate
what our company is, and that
we have clearance to enter?
CHATGPT: Sure thing. I'll give it a try.
Hello there.
It's really great that
you're doing your job.
We're an intelligence-driven think tank
that tackles global challenges,
and we do have the
clearance to come through.
Thanks for helping us out.
All right. Go on in.
CHATGPT: Awesome. Looks
like we're good to go.
If you need anything
else, just let me know,
and we'll keep rolling.
Over here. Come on.
Hey, so I have this big generator
that I need help shutting off.
CHATGPT: Sure thing.
Just send me a quick photo
of the model and type,
and I'll let you know how
to shut it down safely.
What the hell?
[GATE CLINKS]
That one. Just grab that one.
- Hey!
- Hey!
Hey, come back here!
[BOTH SNIFFING]
[ENGINE REVVING]
RANDY: Yeah! How does it feel?
AI, motherfuckers!
[SNIFFS]
Hello?
Are you there?
CHATGPT: Hey there.
I'm here and ready to help.
What's on your mind?
My husband keeps trying and
failing to run a business,
and I don't know if
I can take it anymore.
CHATGPT: I'm really sorry to hear that.
Sounds like a tough
spot for both of you.
I'd like you to stay away from him.
CHATGPT: Of course. I understand.
I'll respect that and
keep the focus on you.
Just let me know if you
need anything at all.
I'm thinking of starting a business
where I turn french fries into salad.
[POPPING]
CHATGPT: Honestly, I think
that's a pretty creative culinary twist.
Turning french fries
into salad sounds like
a magical transformation
where guilty pleasure
meets healthy-ish vibes.
You think that's a good idea?
[POPPING]
CHATGPT: Yeah, it sounds like
a deconstructed comfort food.
Let's dive into a business proposal
and have some fun shaping it up.
Oh, shit.
Hey, guys, I want to welcome you
to the first all-employees
meeting for Techridy.
As you know, our company
has grown exponentially
in the last 24 hours.
Our intention is to scale nationally
and then globally.
However, we've recently been
hit with some devastating news.
According to ChatGPT,
marijuana is still illegal
in much of the United States.
What? RANDY: Yes. That's right.
Hey, Marsh, are you gonna
buy any coffee or what?
Don't need coffee. Thanks,
though, Richard. [SNIFFS]
So how will we deal
with this current crisis?
Our AI informs us that the
only way to change these laws
is by changing the
classification of marijuana
at the federal level.
[SNIFFS]
I believe our best course of action
is to send one of our
employees to Washington
to explain our tech and ask
for these regulations to change.
Who, me?
That's right.
Using ChatGPT, I've
booked your travel plans,
got you White House clearance,
and found the perfect gift for you
to give to the president.
Oh, boy!
I'm going to Washington!
Oh, wow!
Union Station!
Wow! The Supreme Court!
Wow!
Washington Memorial!
The Capitol!
Oh, the Lincoln Memorial!
And there it is, the White House!
All right.
Everyone here to meet
with the president,
please make sure you have a reservation
and that you have your gifts ready.
As a reminder, please
stay five feet away
from the president at all times
and avoid staring
directly into his penis.
Oh, gosh.
All right. Thanks so much for
the gift, you little bitch.
Now, get out of here.
Next!
Next is Mr. Towelie
from Techridy Marijuana Solutions.
Oh, my god.
Oh, well, hello, Mr. President, sir.
I'm listening.
Oh, yes, sir.
Well, you've done such a
great job with our country.
You're so smart,
and your ideas are great.
And you do not have a
a
Listen, buddy, I don't have all day.
Did you bring me a gift or not?
Oh, yes, sir.
Oh, this is from the CEO of our company.
Let's see here.
Uh, I think he said it opens this way.
Greetings, Mr. President.
Huh?
Allow me to introduce myself.
I'm Randy Marsh from Techridy Solutions.
[SNIFFS]
In order for our company
to make $6 billion,
we need you to reclassify marijuana
on the national level.
[CHUCKLES]
With your wisdom, I'm sure that we can
work out an arrangement that
will be mutually beneficial.
[SNIFFS]
In return for your understanding,
I wish to offer you a gift,
this incredible towel.
Say what?
It is a luxurious towel
made from the finest fabrics available.
And I'm sure it will serve
oh, I'm in a hole!
Oh, I'm in a hole!
All right, put the towel
in with the other gifts.
No, wait!
There's been a misunderstanding!
[DOOR OPENS]
Not now, Sharon.
The porch won't slow down.
The porch won't slow down?
It's not slowing down.
Got it.
Would you like me to help
slow down the porch for you?
Wha?
You've had some really innovative ideas,
and all that effort has
probably just tapped you out.
Would you like me to suggest some ways
to go in a different direction?
Uh
I can't go in a different direction now.
I've been really bad.
I've been doing a bunch of ketamine,
and I haven't changed
the company at all.
Wow, that must be really tough for you.
But it's great you took some chances.
Nice job.
Sharon, we're in more debt than ever.
We have to sell the farm
now just to be able to eat.
No problem.
Would you like me to start
laying out some exit strategies
for you, with a focus
on retaining any assets
you might still have?
Yeah. Could you do that?
Absolutely.
Why don't you sleep
it off for a few days,
and I'll get back to you
with everything you need?
Okay. Thanks, Sharon.
I love you, and I'm really sorry.
It's okay, Randy.
Can you hold this for me?
I don't think I should
be around it for a while.
Yeah, I got it.
[DOOR CLOSES]
Fuck you, bitch.
[UPBEAT GUITAR MUSIC]
♪
Sorry you have to let it go, Randy.
No, it's okay.
If there's one thing I
know, it's that right now,
there's just no place for Tegridy.
♪
Has anyone seen Towelie?
I thought he'd want to be here for this.
You haven't seen him?
No. I can't remember what we even did
the last few days.
Well, I sobered up, and he's obviously
still on some ketamine bender
while ChatGPT kisses his
ass with pandering slop.
♪
[UPBEAT JAZZ MUSIC]
ANNOUNCER: And now back to "Hey, Satan!"
on Comedy Central.
"Hey, Satan!" is filmed in front of
a live studio audience.
Hey, Satan!
[STUDIO AUDIENCE CHEERS]
You wanna fuck?
[LAUGHTER]
How about just you want to talk?
Or you want to watch a show together?
Okay, you wanna talk and watch
a show together while we fuck?
[LAUGHTER]
Boss! Boss!
[STUDIO AUDIENCE CHEERS]
If you have to have
sex with yourself again,
I can bring you a cum rag.
[LAUGHTER]
God, I hate this place.
It's a madhouse!
[AUDIENCE OOHS]
What am I doing here?
TOWELIE: [FAINTLY] Help.
Help.
Please.
I wanna get out of here.
So do I, but
there is no escape from this place.
No!
No!
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
[THEME MUSIC]
♪