South Park s29e01 Episode Script
South American Biker Gangs
1
[THEME MUSIC]
I'm goin' down to South America ♪
Have myself a time ♪
Friendly faces everywhere ♪
Humble folks without temptation ♪
I'm goin' down to South America ♪
Leave my woes behind ♪
Ample parking day or night ♪
People spouting, "Howdy, neighbor" ♪
I'm headin' on up to South America ♪
See if I can't unwind ♪
[MUMBLING] ♪
So come on down to South America ♪
Meet some friends of mine ♪
[TWANGY MUSIC]
[CARTMAN SOBBING]
Eric?
[SOBBING]
Sweetie, what's wrong?
[SOBBING] Nothing!
I don't want to talk about it.
- [SOBBING]
- Obviously there's something.
[SOBBING] It's just,
I was getting bullied at school.
[SOBBING]
You got bullied? Who bullied you?
[SOBBING] Like, Tolkien and Kyle.
They called me chubby wubby.
I'm so sorry, honey.
Kids can be very mean.
Mom, I don't want to be bullied anymore.
Do you think do you think
maybe I could get a bicycle?
So that I can, like, get out
of the house and exercise?
Oh, honey, yes, there's
lots of ways we can exercise.
Yeah, but no, I think a
bicycle would be the best thing
because then all the kids
can see me really trying hard
and they won't say these horrible things
they say about me! [SOBBING]
Honey, it's OK. It's OK.
Sure, we can get you a bicycle.
[OMINOUS MUSIC]
[CHUCKLING]
[BELL RINGS]
Yes!
Can I help you guys?
Yes, we're looking to
get my son a bicycle.
I want this one!
Oh, well, that's a Class 3 e-bike.
Yes, Class 3's got pedal-assist
up to 27 miles an hour!
Eric, that's $2,000.
You're gonna just let
kids at school bully me?
You want me to stay inside
all day and be a fat fuck, Mom?
That's a very specific
kind of bike, ma'am.
I can sell it to you, but
there's a lot of restrictions
where your son can ride it.
He'd have to respect a
lot of rules of the road.
Oh, my God. I will be so respectful.
[ELECTRIC MOTOR WHIRRING]
[CARTMAN] Kyle!
Kyle!
[ELECTRIC MOTOR WHIRRING]
Yeah! Yes!
Suck my dick, Kyle!
I got a Class 3 e-bike, bitch!
Waah! Waah!
That's you crying, Kyle,
'cause you don't have one.
[KENNY MIMICKING ENGINE SOUNDS]
- [CARTMAN] Yeah!
- Aw.
Check it out, bro, Class 3 e-bike!
- Cool, huh?
- Ah!
Suck my dick, Kenny!
[ELECTRIC MOTOR WHIRRING]
[ELECTRIC MOTOR WHIRRING]
Stan! Stan, you gotta get out here!
Suck my dick!
Class 3, motherfucker!
Your mom got you one?
Yeah, isn't it sweet?
You gotta suck my dick now.
[MIMICKING MOTOR SOUNDS]
Ah!
I'm gonna get a hoodie
and a face-covering
and make everyone in town suck my dick.
[ELECTRIC MOTOR WHIRRING]
[CARTMAN MIMICKING MOTOR SOUNDS]
[SPOKES CLICKING]
[BRAKES SCREECH]
Suck my dick.
- [PEDESTRIANS SCREAMING]
Excuse me. Gotta suck my dick.
[SCREAMING CONTINUES]
- Suck it!
- [SCREAMING]
[CARTMAN] Yeah!
Yes!
Ah!
Whee!
[PANICKED SHOUTING]
[CHUCKLES]
[CARTMAN MIMICKING MOTOR SOUNDS]
[TWANGY MUSIC]
[SHARON] I'm sorry, Stanley,
but the answer is no.
But Mom, even Cartman has one now.
Clyde has an e-bike.
Tolkien has an e-bike
Craig and Wendy.
Those electric bikes cost
thousands of dollars, Stan.
Where are we supposed to find the money?
I'll pay for part of it!
I got 200 bucks from Grampa.
Stan, even if I said yes,
it's your dad you have to worry about.
You know how your father
feels about e-bikes.
[LOUD THUMP]
Those goddamn kids
almost killed me again!
How can they let children
go 40 miles an hour
in a bike lane designed for real bikers?
I'm telling you guys,
South America is just not safe anymore.
Well, Dad, maybe you
should get an e-bike, too.
Then you can go as fast as they do.
Yeah, no thanks.
Bikes are for being healthy.
You're just jealous.
Jealous?! Of what?
Of something that does
all the work for you?
You know what they used to call things
that did all the work for you?
Slaves!
Yeah, that was a good idea, Shelley.
No issues there.
Dad, a lot of my friends
have e-bikes, OK, and
Yeah, and they're hanging out
in gangs and doing wheelies
and probably smoking weed, OK?
I was young once, too, but
now I'm a healthy cyclist
and I'll be damned if
some pot-smoking kids
are gonna ride in my bike lanes!
[ELECTRIC MOTORS WHIRRING]
[WHIRRING CONTINUES]
This is so unfair.
My parents said the same thing
e-bikes are too unsafe, too expensive.
[MUFFLED SPEECH]
[MOTOR WHIRS]
Well, hey, fellas!
- Butters?
- Yeah, check out my new bike!
Oh, great, Butters'
parents even get him a bike.
Nah, I bought this off
of Tolkien for 400 bucks
'cause he got a new one.
And I'm no telling my parents,
so I'm wearing this face-covering.
Well, that's great, Butters.
- Not everyone has 400 bucks.
- [GRUNTS]
Well, why don't you guys just
go down to the Chinese bike shop?
Chinese e-bikes?
Are they just as good as regular ones?
No, they suck, but at
least you'd have something.
[ELECTRIC MOTOR WHIRS]
[TWANGY MUSIC]
♪
[BELL RINGS]
Welcome to City E-bike.
Take your order, please.
Yeah, we heard you have
really cheap e-bikes.
Oh, yeah, we have all
kind of city e-bikes.
Chinese e-bike very dependable.
Only 60% chance it
blow up in your garage.
Well, I have 200 bucks,
and I want to buy one
for me and both of my friends.
$200 for all three?
Oh, you want a Super City E-Bike.
They go just as fast,
but they are 92% chance
to blow up in your garage.
Oh, sweet, bro! We'll take them.
[MUFFLED SPEECH]
Yeah, thanks, Stan!
OK, great, I just
need you to sign waiver
for your rideability.
Our rideability?
Yeah, you go fast on
e-bike, you kill people.
Your liability.
You sign waiver, I'm
not liable, you are.
OK, sign here saying you
will not ride a City e-bike
in the street. Wink, wink.
And sign here you
are 16 years old older.
Wink, wink.
Just initial here
Chinese City e-bike
probably gonna blow up in your garage.
You agree not to ride a
City e-bike in a bike lane.
Wink, wink.
Sign here, you're gonna do a wheelie.
But really, I know
you gonna do a wheelie.
Wink, wink.
And sign, sign here,
and a sign, wink there.
Here a sign, there a wink,
everywhere a wink, wink.
OK, congratulation!
That's $200.
Oh, these goddamn guys.
[HONKING HORN]
Fuck you. Go around!
Go around!
Excuse me for being healthy.
You could be healthy a little more
to the right side of the road
instead of slowing everybody down.
Oh, I'm slow?
I get all the way across
South America in 15 minutes.
You try that in traffic.
[ELECTRIC MOTOR WHIRRING]
Hey! Goddamn fucking kids!
[PANTING HEAVILY]
Yeah!
You like that?
You think you're fast?
[PANTING HEAVILY]
[BRAKES SQUEAL, HORN BLARES]
And this little kid totally
swerves in front of me.
Makes me crash into a car
and just speeds off
like nothing happened.
Damn e-bikes!
South America's overrun with them.
They should be illegal.
And where are the parents in this?
You know, I wouldn't let my
child hang out in biker gangs
with face-coverings, popping wheelies,
probably doing drugs.
Of course they're doing drugs!
I used to smoke weed when I was younger.
Now it's up to us healthy
guys to make our streets safe.
We need to go on Google
and ask how to get the laws
changed in South America.
Whee!
And so, officer,
we think that e-bikes
should be made illegal
so that South America can be safe again.
And we'd like to offer you
this cash and some cigars.
You want to bribe me
with cash and cigars
to change electric bike laws?
That's what Google told me to do, yes.
Look, we'd love to have
the things regulated,
but we can't get the government to care.
If you ask me, this whole
country's gone to shit.
But hopefully things will
get better in November.
That's when "Grand
Theft Auto VI" comes out.
Well, somebody has to do something.
We need to get these kids off
the streets and back inside,
- on their phones.
- Yeah!
And if you guys won't do anything,
then the South American
Cycling Club will.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
A big change has come
to a small mountain town,
and many local residents are furious
about kids on their e-bikes.
They travel in groups.
Many conceal their faces,
and with powerful electric motors,
these kids are starting
to form biker gangs.
These kids are everywhere.
I mean, they're just tearing
all up and down South America.
What are we supposed to do?
South America used to be a quiet place.
But now you got these
kids just going hog wild.
It's an outrage!
I've lived in South America all my life
and I've never seen anything like this.
These kids almost
killed me on the sidewalk
and then told me to suck their dick.
[REPORTER] Uh-huh. And when
you rolled over and sucked a dick
with the change in the town name,
did you feel any outrage then?
Plenty of upset people here,
and the question on everyone's mind:
Is the e-bike change permanent?
[CARTMAN MIMICKING MOTOR SOUNDS]
Yoshi, Yoshi, Yoshinoya ♪
Yoshinoya, Yoshinoya ♪
[SINGER VOCALIZING]
♪
Hey!
How's it going?
Stan? Kenny?
What's up, dude?
♪
See ya, Cartman.
Kyle!
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
Hey!
[TIRES SCREECH]
God damn it!
- This is so awesome!
- Come on, Kenny!
Yeah, I fucking love you guys!
Yoshinoya, Yoshinoya ♪
♪
[SOBBING]
Eric, what happened?
I got bullied again! [SOBBING]
Who bullied you now?
K-Kyle and those guys. I
showed them my new bike.
I told them they had to suck my dick.
But then they just went
and bought bikes that
are faster than mine!
Eric, Eric, slow down.
Tell me exactly what happened.
[GASPING]
Yesterday, when I got my new bike,
I went to Kyle and I said really nicely
that he had to suck my dick,
and then I told the other guys
they could suck my dick too,
but they just went and got
bikes that go faster than me!
I don't understand what
you want me to do, sweetie.
Can you just call Kyle's mom
and tell her that Kyle
still has to suck my dick
and take away his e-bike?
Honey, no, no, I'm not doing that.
I don't wanna get bullied anymore, Mom!
Can you please just get
me a speed unlock dongle?
What's a speed unlock dongle?
[DOORBELL RINGS]
Hey, Roger, you wanna
be in our biker gang?
There's kids on e-bikes
destroying our city,
and the stupid bureaucrats
won't do anything about it.
Yeah, this country's gone to hell.
Hopefully things will
be better in November.
That's when "Grand
Theft Auto VI" comes out.
Yeah, I know, but right now,
we decided to take
matters into our own hands.
We know who's selling
these things to kids.
Well, if I'm going to join you,
I need to ask you something first.
Yeah?
Who's got some electrolyte packets?
- [GURGLES]
- [ALL CHEERING]
[UPBEAT FUNKY MUSIC]
♪
Oh, my God, these old
farts and their bicycles.
[HORN HONKS]
♪
[BELL DINGS]
Welcome City E-Bikes.
Take your order, please?
So you're the guy that's been
selling death traps to kids.
Hey, hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Those kids sign a waiver.
It not my fault the bikes
blew up in the garage.
"Blew up in the garage"?
What is he talking about?
Oh, Chinese e-bikes didn't
blow up in the garage?
Wow, that's great
Hey, hey, no touchy, please!
Oh, what, you mean these?
Hey! Hey, hey, that's fragile!
It looks fragile.
[GLASS SHATTERS]
Hey, whoa!
Whoa, what you guys doing?
You messed with the wrong people.
[SCREAMING] Help!
Stop! Please!
Ah! Please! [SCREAMING]
[LAUGHTER AND CHEERING]
Oh, my God, dude. Is this
just the best or what?
Yeah, I just feel so independent.
We're not stuck inside on our phones.
We're, like, out doing shit, you know?
I mean, look at Kenny. Seriously.
Have you ever seen him this happy?
Whoo-hoo! Whoo! Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
He does seem to really be
coming out of his shell.
I think if my dad really understood
how this made me feel,
he'd be OK with it.
Dude, you thinking of
telling your parents?
'Cause I ain't telling my mom nothing.
- Whoo-hoo! Whoo!
- I don't know.
I'm just saying that I'm feeling
a certain maturity right now.
Maybe there's a way to make
our parents be reasonable.
[INDISTINCT RADIO CHATTER]
Mr. Kim?
Mr. Kim!
Can you tell us who did this to you?
Ah.
It was
some biker gang.
Ah!
Jesus, Mitch, these
kids on their e-bikes
are getting worse all the time.
What are we supposed to do?
It's up to us to make our streets safe.
We need to get on Google
and ask how the police
can respond to gang
violence in South America.
More changes today as a small
mountain town just continues
to roll over and suck a dick.
Youth biker gangs here now appear to be
attacking local businesses.
This bike store behind me was attacked,
along with a Chinese bike business
and the e-bike section of Walmart.
But just what do these
young biker gangs want?
This young man says he's the leader
of the youth biker gangs.
To protect his identity,
we'll simply call him El Gordo.
[DISTORTED] Yeah, it's pretty cool
'cause everyone is scared now
and they have to suck my dick.
And, you know, we don't
care about anybody,
and I have a high speed dongle now,
so Kyle has to suck my dick again too.
And what if this Kyle
responded to you saying,
"That fat fuck can't even
go 15 'cause of his fat ass"?
You you talked to Kyle?
Police are trying to find the
owner of Keller's Bicycles,
who appears to be
hiding from these vicious
South American biker gangs.
[CHATTER]
[GLASS SHATTERING]
We gotta make sure
this Keller Bike Shop
guy doesn't squeal.
He won't if he knows
what's good for him.
Look, I'm sorry, but we're all out
of whey-based protein powder, OK?
Then get us some pea protein.
You know who you're dealing with?
- [CHATTER]
- [GLASS SHATTERING]
Excuse me.
Excuse me!
I just, uh, wanted to let you know
that not all us e-bike
kids are the same, you know?
Not all of us are riding on sidewalks
and causing problems.
That's a very small minority of us.
A very fat but small minority.
So what? [SQUEAKING]
You calling for some kind of truce?
We just wanna enjoy our bikes.
Can't we maybe just work together?
Well, maybe you're right, kid.
Maybe we can all come to
some kind of agreement.
Why don't you sit down
and have a Jamba Juice,
see if we can work it out.
OK. Sounds good.
Get on Google, find out
how South American biker
gangs deal with each other.
Kenny, what'd they say?
They were actually pretty cool about it.
Really? Damn, good job, Kenny.
Yeah, we talked about it, and they said
we could probably come
to an understanding.
Oh, thank God.
And now Cartman can't
ruin it for the rest of us.
Yeah, I told you guys it'd be fine.
I gotta get home. See you tomorrow.
Yeah, see you guys tomorrow.
Maybe we can ride our bikes to school.
Yeah, sweet!
[EXPLOSION]
- Holy shit!
- Kenny!
[DOOR SLAMS]
[SQUEAKING]
What's going on?
Stan lost a really good
friend today, Randy.
You wanna tell your dad, honey?
Me and my friends,
we just wanted to be like everyone else.
So we went and got e-bikes.
And then Kenny's exploded, and he died.
Wait, that was Kenny?
You heard about it?
It was awful.
He was so happy too.
He thought he'd really
found his voice for once.
Did they find the bomb?
Well, no, it wasn't a bomb.
Probably the battery just blew up
'cause we signed for our rideability.
Well, yeah, they're just dangerous.
That's what I've been
trying to tell everybody.
And I didn't listen.
I'm sorry, Dad.
This is all my fault.
Hey, listen.
This is not your fault, Stan.
It's everyone's fault
who got an e-bike.
It's too bad it took
someone having to die
to open people's eyes.
- Yeah.
- I know one thing.
That this community is going
to come together over this.
Because that's what South America does.
[SOFT COUNTRY MUSIC]
We're all united in grief.
But as South America always does,
we will find solace in each other.
I am so inspired by the way
our town has come together,
and as mayor, I am honored
to officially announce
the Kenny McCormick E-Bike Ordinance.
We are South America ♪
Where the cold north wind blows ♪
If you're driving
through our mountain town ♪
I just think you should know ♪
No! Not my dick! My dick!
That we are South America ♪
And that northern mountain sun ♪
Always be South America ♪
We won't change for anyone ♪
Two words that bring
a smile to my mouth ♪
America ♪
And south ♪
We are South America ♪
♪
We are South America ♪
And that northern mountain sun ♪
Always be South America ♪
We won't change for anyone ♪
♪
[THEME MUSIC]
I'm goin' down to South America ♪
Have myself a time ♪
Friendly faces everywhere ♪
Humble folks without temptation ♪
I'm goin' down to South America ♪
Leave my woes behind ♪
Ample parking day or night ♪
People spouting, "Howdy, neighbor" ♪
I'm headin' on up to South America ♪
See if I can't unwind ♪
[MUMBLING] ♪
So come on down to South America ♪
Meet some friends of mine ♪
[TWANGY MUSIC]
[CARTMAN SOBBING]
Eric?
[SOBBING]
Sweetie, what's wrong?
[SOBBING] Nothing!
I don't want to talk about it.
- [SOBBING]
- Obviously there's something.
[SOBBING] It's just,
I was getting bullied at school.
[SOBBING]
You got bullied? Who bullied you?
[SOBBING] Like, Tolkien and Kyle.
They called me chubby wubby.
I'm so sorry, honey.
Kids can be very mean.
Mom, I don't want to be bullied anymore.
Do you think do you think
maybe I could get a bicycle?
So that I can, like, get out
of the house and exercise?
Oh, honey, yes, there's
lots of ways we can exercise.
Yeah, but no, I think a
bicycle would be the best thing
because then all the kids
can see me really trying hard
and they won't say these horrible things
they say about me! [SOBBING]
Honey, it's OK. It's OK.
Sure, we can get you a bicycle.
[OMINOUS MUSIC]
[CHUCKLING]
[BELL RINGS]
Yes!
Can I help you guys?
Yes, we're looking to
get my son a bicycle.
I want this one!
Oh, well, that's a Class 3 e-bike.
Yes, Class 3's got pedal-assist
up to 27 miles an hour!
Eric, that's $2,000.
You're gonna just let
kids at school bully me?
You want me to stay inside
all day and be a fat fuck, Mom?
That's a very specific
kind of bike, ma'am.
I can sell it to you, but
there's a lot of restrictions
where your son can ride it.
He'd have to respect a
lot of rules of the road.
Oh, my God. I will be so respectful.
[ELECTRIC MOTOR WHIRRING]
[CARTMAN] Kyle!
Kyle!
[ELECTRIC MOTOR WHIRRING]
Yeah! Yes!
Suck my dick, Kyle!
I got a Class 3 e-bike, bitch!
Waah! Waah!
That's you crying, Kyle,
'cause you don't have one.
[KENNY MIMICKING ENGINE SOUNDS]
- [CARTMAN] Yeah!
- Aw.
Check it out, bro, Class 3 e-bike!
- Cool, huh?
- Ah!
Suck my dick, Kenny!
[ELECTRIC MOTOR WHIRRING]
[ELECTRIC MOTOR WHIRRING]
Stan! Stan, you gotta get out here!
Suck my dick!
Class 3, motherfucker!
Your mom got you one?
Yeah, isn't it sweet?
You gotta suck my dick now.
[MIMICKING MOTOR SOUNDS]
Ah!
I'm gonna get a hoodie
and a face-covering
and make everyone in town suck my dick.
[ELECTRIC MOTOR WHIRRING]
[CARTMAN MIMICKING MOTOR SOUNDS]
[SPOKES CLICKING]
[BRAKES SCREECH]
Suck my dick.
- [PEDESTRIANS SCREAMING]
Excuse me. Gotta suck my dick.
[SCREAMING CONTINUES]
- Suck it!
- [SCREAMING]
[CARTMAN] Yeah!
Yes!
Ah!
Whee!
[PANICKED SHOUTING]
[CHUCKLES]
[CARTMAN MIMICKING MOTOR SOUNDS]
[TWANGY MUSIC]
[SHARON] I'm sorry, Stanley,
but the answer is no.
But Mom, even Cartman has one now.
Clyde has an e-bike.
Tolkien has an e-bike
Craig and Wendy.
Those electric bikes cost
thousands of dollars, Stan.
Where are we supposed to find the money?
I'll pay for part of it!
I got 200 bucks from Grampa.
Stan, even if I said yes,
it's your dad you have to worry about.
You know how your father
feels about e-bikes.
[LOUD THUMP]
Those goddamn kids
almost killed me again!
How can they let children
go 40 miles an hour
in a bike lane designed for real bikers?
I'm telling you guys,
South America is just not safe anymore.
Well, Dad, maybe you
should get an e-bike, too.
Then you can go as fast as they do.
Yeah, no thanks.
Bikes are for being healthy.
You're just jealous.
Jealous?! Of what?
Of something that does
all the work for you?
You know what they used to call things
that did all the work for you?
Slaves!
Yeah, that was a good idea, Shelley.
No issues there.
Dad, a lot of my friends
have e-bikes, OK, and
Yeah, and they're hanging out
in gangs and doing wheelies
and probably smoking weed, OK?
I was young once, too, but
now I'm a healthy cyclist
and I'll be damned if
some pot-smoking kids
are gonna ride in my bike lanes!
[ELECTRIC MOTORS WHIRRING]
[WHIRRING CONTINUES]
This is so unfair.
My parents said the same thing
e-bikes are too unsafe, too expensive.
[MUFFLED SPEECH]
[MOTOR WHIRS]
Well, hey, fellas!
- Butters?
- Yeah, check out my new bike!
Oh, great, Butters'
parents even get him a bike.
Nah, I bought this off
of Tolkien for 400 bucks
'cause he got a new one.
And I'm no telling my parents,
so I'm wearing this face-covering.
Well, that's great, Butters.
- Not everyone has 400 bucks.
- [GRUNTS]
Well, why don't you guys just
go down to the Chinese bike shop?
Chinese e-bikes?
Are they just as good as regular ones?
No, they suck, but at
least you'd have something.
[ELECTRIC MOTOR WHIRS]
[TWANGY MUSIC]
♪
[BELL RINGS]
Welcome to City E-bike.
Take your order, please.
Yeah, we heard you have
really cheap e-bikes.
Oh, yeah, we have all
kind of city e-bikes.
Chinese e-bike very dependable.
Only 60% chance it
blow up in your garage.
Well, I have 200 bucks,
and I want to buy one
for me and both of my friends.
$200 for all three?
Oh, you want a Super City E-Bike.
They go just as fast,
but they are 92% chance
to blow up in your garage.
Oh, sweet, bro! We'll take them.
[MUFFLED SPEECH]
Yeah, thanks, Stan!
OK, great, I just
need you to sign waiver
for your rideability.
Our rideability?
Yeah, you go fast on
e-bike, you kill people.
Your liability.
You sign waiver, I'm
not liable, you are.
OK, sign here saying you
will not ride a City e-bike
in the street. Wink, wink.
And sign here you
are 16 years old older.
Wink, wink.
Just initial here
Chinese City e-bike
probably gonna blow up in your garage.
You agree not to ride a
City e-bike in a bike lane.
Wink, wink.
Sign here, you're gonna do a wheelie.
But really, I know
you gonna do a wheelie.
Wink, wink.
And sign, sign here,
and a sign, wink there.
Here a sign, there a wink,
everywhere a wink, wink.
OK, congratulation!
That's $200.
Oh, these goddamn guys.
[HONKING HORN]
Fuck you. Go around!
Go around!
Excuse me for being healthy.
You could be healthy a little more
to the right side of the road
instead of slowing everybody down.
Oh, I'm slow?
I get all the way across
South America in 15 minutes.
You try that in traffic.
[ELECTRIC MOTOR WHIRRING]
Hey! Goddamn fucking kids!
[PANTING HEAVILY]
Yeah!
You like that?
You think you're fast?
[PANTING HEAVILY]
[BRAKES SQUEAL, HORN BLARES]
And this little kid totally
swerves in front of me.
Makes me crash into a car
and just speeds off
like nothing happened.
Damn e-bikes!
South America's overrun with them.
They should be illegal.
And where are the parents in this?
You know, I wouldn't let my
child hang out in biker gangs
with face-coverings, popping wheelies,
probably doing drugs.
Of course they're doing drugs!
I used to smoke weed when I was younger.
Now it's up to us healthy
guys to make our streets safe.
We need to go on Google
and ask how to get the laws
changed in South America.
Whee!
And so, officer,
we think that e-bikes
should be made illegal
so that South America can be safe again.
And we'd like to offer you
this cash and some cigars.
You want to bribe me
with cash and cigars
to change electric bike laws?
That's what Google told me to do, yes.
Look, we'd love to have
the things regulated,
but we can't get the government to care.
If you ask me, this whole
country's gone to shit.
But hopefully things will
get better in November.
That's when "Grand
Theft Auto VI" comes out.
Well, somebody has to do something.
We need to get these kids off
the streets and back inside,
- on their phones.
- Yeah!
And if you guys won't do anything,
then the South American
Cycling Club will.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
A big change has come
to a small mountain town,
and many local residents are furious
about kids on their e-bikes.
They travel in groups.
Many conceal their faces,
and with powerful electric motors,
these kids are starting
to form biker gangs.
These kids are everywhere.
I mean, they're just tearing
all up and down South America.
What are we supposed to do?
South America used to be a quiet place.
But now you got these
kids just going hog wild.
It's an outrage!
I've lived in South America all my life
and I've never seen anything like this.
These kids almost
killed me on the sidewalk
and then told me to suck their dick.
[REPORTER] Uh-huh. And when
you rolled over and sucked a dick
with the change in the town name,
did you feel any outrage then?
Plenty of upset people here,
and the question on everyone's mind:
Is the e-bike change permanent?
[CARTMAN MIMICKING MOTOR SOUNDS]
Yoshi, Yoshi, Yoshinoya ♪
Yoshinoya, Yoshinoya ♪
[SINGER VOCALIZING]
♪
Hey!
How's it going?
Stan? Kenny?
What's up, dude?
♪
See ya, Cartman.
Kyle!
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
Hey!
[TIRES SCREECH]
God damn it!
- This is so awesome!
- Come on, Kenny!
Yeah, I fucking love you guys!
Yoshinoya, Yoshinoya ♪
♪
[SOBBING]
Eric, what happened?
I got bullied again! [SOBBING]
Who bullied you now?
K-Kyle and those guys. I
showed them my new bike.
I told them they had to suck my dick.
But then they just went
and bought bikes that
are faster than mine!
Eric, Eric, slow down.
Tell me exactly what happened.
[GASPING]
Yesterday, when I got my new bike,
I went to Kyle and I said really nicely
that he had to suck my dick,
and then I told the other guys
they could suck my dick too,
but they just went and got
bikes that go faster than me!
I don't understand what
you want me to do, sweetie.
Can you just call Kyle's mom
and tell her that Kyle
still has to suck my dick
and take away his e-bike?
Honey, no, no, I'm not doing that.
I don't wanna get bullied anymore, Mom!
Can you please just get
me a speed unlock dongle?
What's a speed unlock dongle?
[DOORBELL RINGS]
Hey, Roger, you wanna
be in our biker gang?
There's kids on e-bikes
destroying our city,
and the stupid bureaucrats
won't do anything about it.
Yeah, this country's gone to hell.
Hopefully things will
be better in November.
That's when "Grand
Theft Auto VI" comes out.
Yeah, I know, but right now,
we decided to take
matters into our own hands.
We know who's selling
these things to kids.
Well, if I'm going to join you,
I need to ask you something first.
Yeah?
Who's got some electrolyte packets?
- [GURGLES]
- [ALL CHEERING]
[UPBEAT FUNKY MUSIC]
♪
Oh, my God, these old
farts and their bicycles.
[HORN HONKS]
♪
[BELL DINGS]
Welcome City E-Bikes.
Take your order, please?
So you're the guy that's been
selling death traps to kids.
Hey, hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Those kids sign a waiver.
It not my fault the bikes
blew up in the garage.
"Blew up in the garage"?
What is he talking about?
Oh, Chinese e-bikes didn't
blow up in the garage?
Wow, that's great
Hey, hey, no touchy, please!
Oh, what, you mean these?
Hey! Hey, hey, that's fragile!
It looks fragile.
[GLASS SHATTERS]
Hey, whoa!
Whoa, what you guys doing?
You messed with the wrong people.
[SCREAMING] Help!
Stop! Please!
Ah! Please! [SCREAMING]
[LAUGHTER AND CHEERING]
Oh, my God, dude. Is this
just the best or what?
Yeah, I just feel so independent.
We're not stuck inside on our phones.
We're, like, out doing shit, you know?
I mean, look at Kenny. Seriously.
Have you ever seen him this happy?
Whoo-hoo! Whoo! Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
He does seem to really be
coming out of his shell.
I think if my dad really understood
how this made me feel,
he'd be OK with it.
Dude, you thinking of
telling your parents?
'Cause I ain't telling my mom nothing.
- Whoo-hoo! Whoo!
- I don't know.
I'm just saying that I'm feeling
a certain maturity right now.
Maybe there's a way to make
our parents be reasonable.
[INDISTINCT RADIO CHATTER]
Mr. Kim?
Mr. Kim!
Can you tell us who did this to you?
Ah.
It was
some biker gang.
Ah!
Jesus, Mitch, these
kids on their e-bikes
are getting worse all the time.
What are we supposed to do?
It's up to us to make our streets safe.
We need to get on Google
and ask how the police
can respond to gang
violence in South America.
More changes today as a small
mountain town just continues
to roll over and suck a dick.
Youth biker gangs here now appear to be
attacking local businesses.
This bike store behind me was attacked,
along with a Chinese bike business
and the e-bike section of Walmart.
But just what do these
young biker gangs want?
This young man says he's the leader
of the youth biker gangs.
To protect his identity,
we'll simply call him El Gordo.
[DISTORTED] Yeah, it's pretty cool
'cause everyone is scared now
and they have to suck my dick.
And, you know, we don't
care about anybody,
and I have a high speed dongle now,
so Kyle has to suck my dick again too.
And what if this Kyle
responded to you saying,
"That fat fuck can't even
go 15 'cause of his fat ass"?
You you talked to Kyle?
Police are trying to find the
owner of Keller's Bicycles,
who appears to be
hiding from these vicious
South American biker gangs.
[CHATTER]
[GLASS SHATTERING]
We gotta make sure
this Keller Bike Shop
guy doesn't squeal.
He won't if he knows
what's good for him.
Look, I'm sorry, but we're all out
of whey-based protein powder, OK?
Then get us some pea protein.
You know who you're dealing with?
- [CHATTER]
- [GLASS SHATTERING]
Excuse me.
Excuse me!
I just, uh, wanted to let you know
that not all us e-bike
kids are the same, you know?
Not all of us are riding on sidewalks
and causing problems.
That's a very small minority of us.
A very fat but small minority.
So what? [SQUEAKING]
You calling for some kind of truce?
We just wanna enjoy our bikes.
Can't we maybe just work together?
Well, maybe you're right, kid.
Maybe we can all come to
some kind of agreement.
Why don't you sit down
and have a Jamba Juice,
see if we can work it out.
OK. Sounds good.
Get on Google, find out
how South American biker
gangs deal with each other.
Kenny, what'd they say?
They were actually pretty cool about it.
Really? Damn, good job, Kenny.
Yeah, we talked about it, and they said
we could probably come
to an understanding.
Oh, thank God.
And now Cartman can't
ruin it for the rest of us.
Yeah, I told you guys it'd be fine.
I gotta get home. See you tomorrow.
Yeah, see you guys tomorrow.
Maybe we can ride our bikes to school.
Yeah, sweet!
[EXPLOSION]
- Holy shit!
- Kenny!
[DOOR SLAMS]
[SQUEAKING]
What's going on?
Stan lost a really good
friend today, Randy.
You wanna tell your dad, honey?
Me and my friends,
we just wanted to be like everyone else.
So we went and got e-bikes.
And then Kenny's exploded, and he died.
Wait, that was Kenny?
You heard about it?
It was awful.
He was so happy too.
He thought he'd really
found his voice for once.
Did they find the bomb?
Well, no, it wasn't a bomb.
Probably the battery just blew up
'cause we signed for our rideability.
Well, yeah, they're just dangerous.
That's what I've been
trying to tell everybody.
And I didn't listen.
I'm sorry, Dad.
This is all my fault.
Hey, listen.
This is not your fault, Stan.
It's everyone's fault
who got an e-bike.
It's too bad it took
someone having to die
to open people's eyes.
- Yeah.
- I know one thing.
That this community is going
to come together over this.
Because that's what South America does.
[SOFT COUNTRY MUSIC]
We're all united in grief.
But as South America always does,
we will find solace in each other.
I am so inspired by the way
our town has come together,
and as mayor, I am honored
to officially announce
the Kenny McCormick E-Bike Ordinance.
We are South America ♪
Where the cold north wind blows ♪
If you're driving
through our mountain town ♪
I just think you should know ♪
No! Not my dick! My dick!
That we are South America ♪
And that northern mountain sun ♪
Always be South America ♪
We won't change for anyone ♪
Two words that bring
a smile to my mouth ♪
America ♪
And south ♪
We are South America ♪
♪
We are South America ♪
And that northern mountain sun ♪
Always be South America ♪
We won't change for anyone ♪
♪