South Park s29e02 Episode Script
Billionaire Weenietown
1
[THEME MUSIC]
I'm goin' down to South America ♪
Have myself a time ♪
Friendly faces everywhere ♪
Humble folks without temptation ♪
I'm goin' down to South America ♪
Leave my woes behind ♪
Ample parking day or night ♪
People spouting, "Howdy, neighbor" ♪
I'm headin' on up to South America ♪
See if I can't unwind ♪
[MUMBLING] ♪
So come on down to South America ♪
Meet some friends of mine ♪
[TWANGY MUSIC]
PETER: There are so many fun
things to do in South America,
but it is still my favorite.
The South America Mall has
movie theaters and a food court,
and that is why it is my happy place.
I love to be there with my friends.
Thank you.
[APPLAUSE]
GARRISON: Very enthralling, Peter
All right, Butters,
how about you go next?
OK!
My happy place isn't really a place.
It's more of a lady.
And when I'm sad, she
makes me feel better.
When I'm feeling angry,
she calms me down.
Her name is Dr. Pimple Popper.
I watch her videos on YouTube.
They make me feel relaxed and happy.
I watch her pop pimples
for hours and hours
and I become so calm.
[KIDS EXCLAIMING]
But last night, I wasn't able
to watch Dr. Pimple Popper
because the electricity
went out again at our house.
And you know why our
electricity went out?
Because of the goddamn billionaires
that are building data
centers right in our backyards!
Don't they have enough?
They're gonna take from me too?
All these little weenies billionaires do
is suck up all our resources
and leave us with nothing!
Whoa, whoa, Butters
And I keep telling everyone
there's a billionaire problem,
but nobody wants to listen to me.
Well, they'll listen to me now!
[GRUNTS]
Gosh dang it!
Nobody's pissed off except for me!
I need some nice,
relaxing YouTube videos
to calm me down.
Well, Butters, how are you
liking the new living room?
Pretty nice, huh?
I thought the old living
room was just fine.
Well, yeah, it was fine,
but I think the AI redesign
made it a lot better.
We just used AI to help
us remodel the kitchen,
too, Butters. You wanna come see?
You guys don't care that
all these dumb billionaires
are building data
centers in our backyards?
Oh, Butters, not again.
Progress is a good thing, OK?
AI is a useful tool for
everyone here in South America.
Useful for the weenie
billionaires, maybe.
That's enough of that talk, Butters.
The Stotches are not communists.
Don't make us ground
you for being a libtard.
Well, but you already did
ground me for being a libtard,
Dad, last night.
Oh, yeah. Come on, honey,
let's use AI to remodel our bedroom.
Oh, yes!
[GROWLS]
Hey, guys, looks like
we got a good one today.
Look at this blackhead,
it's coming out of the forehead pimple.
Eh.
Oh, yeah, there it is. There it goes.
There's some pus.
[SIGHS] That's better.
DR. PIMPLE POPPER: We're
just gonna excrete that
- right out there we go
- That was a good one.
- [SPEECH STUTTERING]
- What the
Oh, no! Not again!
No!
Well, that does it!
Goddamn billionaire weenies!
Why don't you go build your data center
in someone else's backyard?
Ya bunch of AI-lovin' weenies!
["WE'RE IN THE MONEY" PLAYING]
BUTTERS: You think you can
just do whatever you want?
We're in the money ♪
We're in the money ♪
We've got a lot of what
it takes to get along ♪
We're in the money ♪
The sky is sunny ♪
Old man depression, you are
through, you've done us wrong ♪
CONDUCTOR: Now arriving at Weenietown!
[HORN TOOTS] New billionaires,
disembark here.
♪
Move on in now, we have
another train full coming.
[HUMMING]
We're in the money,
come on, my honey ♪
Hey, you're making our power go out!
Why don't you build your data centers
in someone else's backyard?
STEPHEN: Butters!
Butters, what the hell are
you doing in those bushes?
It's the weenie billionaires, Dad!
There's even more of them now!
Ah, damn it. Stop going off on tangents
about billionaires!
It's not a tangent!
They're right here in our damn yard!
- Come and look!
- You get inside, mister!
I told you, you are grounded!
Dang it!
[CAMERA SHUTTER SNAPPING]
Jesus, that kid won't stop saying
we have a billionaire problem.
I think maybe we do
have an issue, Linda.
What do you mean?
Do you remember when
Butters was younger,
we let him get vaccinated for measles?
Yeah, so?
We let him get vaccinated, Linda.
And now
Our son may actually be libtarded.
[MYSTERIOUS MUSIC]
Oh, no! No!
♪
[CHEERING]
My fellow billionaires!
Our numbers continue to grow,
and now, as mayor of Weenietown,
I'm happy to announce the opening
of our new data center in this backyard.
[CHEERING]
But now that we are growing so rapidly,
we must be careful.
There are so many of
us billionaires now,
we might be starting to annoy people.
That's why I talked
before about the importance
of not drawing attention to ourselves.
OK? So
who went on the Joe
Rogan podcast last night?
That was me!
OK, see, we can't do that.
Well, which podcast should we go on?
No, no, you don't go on any podcast.
You see, that's what I'm saying.
You're billionaires now
us billionaires stay behind the scenes.
But if we don't go on podcasts,
how do we boost our Instagram?
No, no, no, you don't
have an Instagram, OK?
Then how do people hear our opinions?
Nobody wants to hear a
billionaire's opinion.
Guys, guys, guys, that's
the point I'm trying to make.
We gotta lay low.
If people start getting
annoyed with us billionaires,
it could be really bad for Weenietown.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
- Yes?
- Exterminator.
I understand you've got some
billionaires in your backyard?
Yeah! I swear, there's more of these
stupid billionaires every day.
Yeah, well, that's the country
we're living in now, I'm afraid.
But hopefully everything's
gonna change in November.
That's when "Grand Theft Auto"
"Grand Theft Auto VI" comes out, I know!
Could you come help me, please?
Yeah, let's take a look
at the little buggers.
["WE'RE IN THE MONEY" PLAYING FAINTLY]
There. Right there.
Oh, yeah. Yeah, those are
definitely billionaires.
Looks like they got a little
data center going right there.
Pretty big one, too.
Well, yeah, it's taking all
the power from our house,
and I can't watch my YouTube videos!
Yeah, well, it's probably
best you just move.
Move? I'm not gonna move!
I was here before they were!
Well, actually, billionaires
have always been around,
people just didn't pay
attention to them as much.
This is some new strain of billionaire.
They like to go on podcasts
and get into public arguments
with Mark Ruffalo.
Oh, jeez!
Yeah, well, I sprayed them.
That'll shut them up for a little bit.
But once they take root like
this, it's pretty much it
for the town.
"It for the town"?
Yeah, this is a really
aggressive nonnative species.
Really messes with the whole ecosystem.
The whole town's in danger,
and you ain't doing nothing?
Yeah, well, it's South America, kid.
Nobody really gives a shit.
Well, then, we'll make them give a poop.
Come on!
MAYOR OF WEENIETOWN: Gentlemen,
thank you all for coming.
Many of you here are new to Weenietown,
- having just recently become billionaires.
-
And it has come to our attention
that nobody has yet taught you
proper billionaire etiquette.
So we're going to play the
should and shouldn't game.
Let's start with this.
Should a good billionaire
fly in private jets all over the world?
- No?
- Wrong!
Flying in jets all over the world
is something billionaires should do!
Perfectly fine.
Billionaires have been
doing it for decades.
Should a good billionaire
buy a huge yacht
on which to do drugs?
They should not.
No, no, they should!
Get your yacht. Do a bunch of drugs.
Nobody cares.
Now, should a good
billionaire go on Joe Rogan
and talk about peptides?
- Yes!
- [ALL EXCLAIMING AFFIRMATIVELY]
- No!
- [BUZZER BLARES]
No, a billionaire weenie
should not go on any podcast
and talk about peptides.
Here's another example.
Should a good billionaire
spend all the money
they made on prostitutes?
Yes, yes, of course, they can
spend all their money on prostitutes.
That's completely normal.
But should we go on social media
and feed COVID conspiracy theories
by discussing our
wife's six miscarriages?
[ALL RESPONDING AFFIRMATIVELY]
- No! Damn it, no.
- [BUZZER BLARES]
What, we're not allowed
to have our own opinions?
Yeah, billionaires get
to have opinions too!
- Yeah! Yeah!
- Yeah!
No, no, you actually can't!
That's the point!
Remember back to when
you were all young.
You were socially awkward little penises
that nobody liked.
Well, now that you're billionaires,
you're still socially
awkward little penises
that nobody likes.
Let's put it another way.
Show of hands
who in this room was a really
popular cool kid in school?
Right, none of you.
And just because you got rich,
that doesn't mean you
suddenly got cool too.
Everyone thinks I'm cool.
No. Nobody thinks you're cool.
All you have to learn
to do is shut up, OK?
Because if you don't,
then Billionaire Weenietown is done for!
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
[RELAXED MUSIC]
BUTTERS: These weenie billionaires
built a data center in my backyard.
And if we don't do something,
it could harm our whole town.
- Tell him!
- Yeah, it's true.
This is a highly aggressive species,
and they're multiplying fast.
So we thought we'd
better get the word out.
Uh-huh. Look, kid, things
are bad everywhere, OK?
The best we can hope for
is that when November comes,
we can all get "Grand Theft Auto VI"
and not care about anything.
Amen to that.
[SCOFFS] No, no, come on!
You really want our
whole town to get overrun
with little weenies
doing whatever they want?
I'm just heavily invested
in what happens in November.
I invested in the ultimate edition.
Look, mister, I know
what your mom might've used to tell you.
She probably told you to
never pop your pimples.
That it could make it worse.
But you gotta get in there.
You gotta get in there and
squeeze that son of a bitch!
Uh-huh. Sound like you should
just go back and enjoy
your little shows on TV.
How am I supposed to enjoy my show
when every five minutes,
the billionaires make the power go out?
Wait a minute. What did you say?
That's what they do.
Their little data centers
suck up all the power!
But in "Grand Theft
Auto," there's save points.
If the power keeps going out,
you lose all your progress.
Oh, Jesus, I didn't even think of that.
These billionaires could
totally screw up November!
Pull the 5:00! We're
doing a different story!
My goodness. It's getting late.
Butters hasn't come home for supper.
Face it, Linda. Our son is gone.
Lost to the libtards.
No! He could just be
at a friend's house.
Maybe I should call
the Marshes and see
He's gone, Linda!
We finally have to pay
for what you've done.
Don't say that, Stephen.
I told you I was cornered. I
I've kept quiet long enough!
Our little boy is out
there probably dead
because all those
months ago, you, Linda,
you got him vaccinated.
And I told you this would happen.
But you went behind my back
and you took him to the doctor anyway!
The school kept sending emails.
They said that Butters had
to have his shots up to date
or he wouldn't be able to attend school.
And so you just faked my signature
on the school forms.
Faked it because I knew
what that vaccination would do to him!
Because I listen to podcasts!
Oh, God!
But you couldn't take time
out of your precious day
to listen to podcasts, could you?
And now your son is a libtard.
Vaccinated and turned transsexual
and fucked to death in the
streets of South America!
[SOBBING] No! No, Butters!
You couldn't imagine your son
not being able to attend school,
but you can imagine
his dead transsexual body
now, can't you, Linda?
You fucking bitch!
[PHONE RINGING]
[SOBBING] Please! Please forgive me!
Hold on a second. That's Butters.
Butters, where are you?
Sorry, Dad. I'll be right home.
I'm just I'm finishing up
some homework at Kyle's house.
All right, well, get home soon.
Your mom made tortellini soup.
[PHONE BEEPS]
- Behind my back, Linda!
- No!
Our libtarded son is
dead and transsexual
because of your measles vaccine!
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
ANNOUNCER: This is "South
America Local News."
A change to the town
name, a band on e-bikes,
and now, South America is dealing
with a highly invasive species
threatening its ecosystem.
Tom, local scientists are saying
that this new highly aggressive
and non-native form of billionaire
is quickly growing
here in South America.
And as the swarm continues to spread,
we are starting to see the effects
on the ecosystem here.
You can see behind me,
Stark's Pond has become
infested with little tiny private jets
that the billionaires are using
to get from backyard to another ope!
Oh, they really are everywhere, Tom.
Billionaires flying in my face now.
Billionaires are here in South America.
It fucking sucks!
- [SCREAMING]
- Hold on.
We have breaking news.
Breaking news now.
It appears that the
invasive billionaire problem
is completely under control.
Scientists now say
that there is nothing to worry about.
The, uh the species is not invasive.
It is actually good for
our lakes and wildlife,
and there is absolutely no problem.
We're lucky the
billionaires chose our town,
and for certain, their
little data centers
will make us all thrive.
MAYOR: Fellow billionaires,
I have tried to stabilize
our public image!
Things were looking grim,
so I went out and bought
the local news media,
as any good billionaire should.
And that should have fixed our problem,
but now, can someone
tell me who went out
and got in a public
argument with Macklemore?
God damn it, we had it figured out!
I bought the news so we
could make us seem nicer,
and then some little penis
decided Macklemore
needed a good talking to!
Who was it?
- [ALL CLAMORING]
- He did! He did!
I just thought Macklemore
needed to hear my opinions.
No, God damn it, nobody needs
to hear your fucking opinions!
Nobody cares what you think
about fucking Macklemore!
What the fuck are you doing?
Will you all just shut the fuck up?
I don't know what to do, old cap.
It seems these new billionaires
just don't want to listen
to us old weenies anymore.
Such is the folly of life.
What are we going to do?
This will be the end of us all.
Well, desperate times call
for desperate measures, Mayor.
You're right. Where is Miss Ladypenis?
Out driving as always, I assume.
I'd better get her on the phone.
Miss Ladypenis?
Come in, Miss Ladypenis.
Miss Ladypenis, do you read?
This is Ladypenis. Go ahead, Mayor.
We need your help, Ladypenis.
The new billionaires won't listen,
and they have to be relocated.
I'll be right in. Ladypenis out.
[ENGINE REVVING]
[CRYING]
Oh, Butters.
Oh, my precious little man.
Stephen?
Can I get you something to drink?
Can you get me something to drink?
Our little boy's libtarded
body is out there,
fill with a vaccine,
turned gay and dead,
but you want to know if I want a drink?
Stephen, if I had known
that the measles booster
would have caused all
this, I would've
You did know!
I told you a measle
booster would kill our son,
and then turn him libtarded and gay!
- But you didn't listen!
- Oh, God! [SOBBING]
Our son is dead because you never listen
to a single podcast I say!
And now you know just
how wrong you were!
Mom, Dad, can I talk to you?
Not now, Butters.
You got led like a blind sheep, Linda!
Followed what the school
said about the vaccinations!
I just want to say, I'm sorry
I've been so ornery lately.
You know, I shouldn't be
yelling and screaming at you
'cause billionaires are building
data centers in our backyards.
Oh, God!
I gotta learn to control my emotions
and not let it get to me that
the little weenies control
the news outlets now too.
Oh, billionaires
control the news now too!
Do you understand now that
your vaccine killed our son?
Well well, Stephen,
he is right there.
My God, Linda, that's
it! I'm calling the FBI!
You guys are using AI
to redesign the house,
and I need to be OK with that.
Hello, FBI?
I need to report a case of bestiality.
I've been having sex with a blind sheep.
- [SOBBING]
- That's right, she's a sheep.
She got our son vaccinated,
and now he's dead and trans.
That's right.
I think the new living
room looks real nice, guys,
and the new kitchen too.
Go to your room,
Butters. You're grounded.
- Yeah! Yeah, that's right.
- Ah, dang it.
BUTTERS' DAD: Yeah, no,
I've been having sex with it
for years. Come and get me.
OK, hang on.
The head of the FBI
wants to talk to you.
Hello?
[MUFFLED YELLING]
Yes. Yes, no, I
I just really wanted him
to be able to go to school.
[MUFFLED YELLING]
Oh! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!
Just come and arrest me!
I've been having sex with this thing!
[SOFT MUSIC]
♪
[STATIC CRACKLES]
Hello, young man.
It's me, Miss Ladypenis,
on a prerecorded message.
Miss Ladypenis?
We wish to offer you a deal.
If you help us with our problem,
we will leave your backyard for good.
Inside this basket, you will find
all the items you need to
accomplish your mission.
If you agree, go to your backyard
and follow these
instructions explicitly.
Boy, I sure would like to hear
some billionaires' opinions right now!
Nothing better than hearing
what billionaires have
to say about stuff!
[ALL CLAMORING]
- Ah!
- Oh!
- Ah!
- Ah!
Oh!
Come on. Let me hear it.
You're all so interesting!
Look! Our plan is working!
They're drawn like moths to a flame!
[ALL CLAMORING]
Now, boy, now!
[VACUUM WHIRRING]
[ALL CLAMORING]
[SCREAMING]
That's it! He's got 'em!
Great job, Ladypenis!
[SCREAMING]
[SIGHS]
Oh, yes.
There's a good one.
Let's gush this one out there.
Oh, nice one. Yeah.
Loo, loo, loo, I've
got some billionaires ♪
Loo, loo, loo, now
you've got some too ♪
Loo, loo, loo, they
were in my backyard ♪
Now they're in yours too, too, too ♪
Fellow billionaires, we
have averted a crisis.
The little boy has helped us
relocate the problem billionaires,
and now, as per our agreement,
we will soon be moving Weenietown
to the next backyard over.
But as we move, let us remember
to not draw attention to ourselves,
for the outside world can be fickle,
and there is a new billionaire
in Weenietown every day.
TRUMP: This is the final battle.
With you at my side,
we will demolish the deep state.
We will expel the warmongers
from our government.
We will drive out the globalists.
We will cast out the communists,
Marxists, and fascists.
We will threw off the
sick political class
that hates our country.
We will rout the fake news media,
and we will liberate
America from these villains
once and for all.
- [FARTS]
- [SPLASH]
We're in the money ♪
We're in the money ♪
We've got a lot of what
it takes to get along ♪
We're in the money ♪
Whoo-hoo!
♪
♪
[THEME MUSIC]
I'm goin' down to South America ♪
Have myself a time ♪
Friendly faces everywhere ♪
Humble folks without temptation ♪
I'm goin' down to South America ♪
Leave my woes behind ♪
Ample parking day or night ♪
People spouting, "Howdy, neighbor" ♪
I'm headin' on up to South America ♪
See if I can't unwind ♪
[MUMBLING] ♪
So come on down to South America ♪
Meet some friends of mine ♪
[TWANGY MUSIC]
PETER: There are so many fun
things to do in South America,
but it is still my favorite.
The South America Mall has
movie theaters and a food court,
and that is why it is my happy place.
I love to be there with my friends.
Thank you.
[APPLAUSE]
GARRISON: Very enthralling, Peter
All right, Butters,
how about you go next?
OK!
My happy place isn't really a place.
It's more of a lady.
And when I'm sad, she
makes me feel better.
When I'm feeling angry,
she calms me down.
Her name is Dr. Pimple Popper.
I watch her videos on YouTube.
They make me feel relaxed and happy.
I watch her pop pimples
for hours and hours
and I become so calm.
[KIDS EXCLAIMING]
But last night, I wasn't able
to watch Dr. Pimple Popper
because the electricity
went out again at our house.
And you know why our
electricity went out?
Because of the goddamn billionaires
that are building data
centers right in our backyards!
Don't they have enough?
They're gonna take from me too?
All these little weenies billionaires do
is suck up all our resources
and leave us with nothing!
Whoa, whoa, Butters
And I keep telling everyone
there's a billionaire problem,
but nobody wants to listen to me.
Well, they'll listen to me now!
[GRUNTS]
Gosh dang it!
Nobody's pissed off except for me!
I need some nice,
relaxing YouTube videos
to calm me down.
Well, Butters, how are you
liking the new living room?
Pretty nice, huh?
I thought the old living
room was just fine.
Well, yeah, it was fine,
but I think the AI redesign
made it a lot better.
We just used AI to help
us remodel the kitchen,
too, Butters. You wanna come see?
You guys don't care that
all these dumb billionaires
are building data
centers in our backyards?
Oh, Butters, not again.
Progress is a good thing, OK?
AI is a useful tool for
everyone here in South America.
Useful for the weenie
billionaires, maybe.
That's enough of that talk, Butters.
The Stotches are not communists.
Don't make us ground
you for being a libtard.
Well, but you already did
ground me for being a libtard,
Dad, last night.
Oh, yeah. Come on, honey,
let's use AI to remodel our bedroom.
Oh, yes!
[GROWLS]
Hey, guys, looks like
we got a good one today.
Look at this blackhead,
it's coming out of the forehead pimple.
Eh.
Oh, yeah, there it is. There it goes.
There's some pus.
[SIGHS] That's better.
DR. PIMPLE POPPER: We're
just gonna excrete that
- right out there we go
- That was a good one.
- [SPEECH STUTTERING]
- What the
Oh, no! Not again!
No!
Well, that does it!
Goddamn billionaire weenies!
Why don't you go build your data center
in someone else's backyard?
Ya bunch of AI-lovin' weenies!
["WE'RE IN THE MONEY" PLAYING]
BUTTERS: You think you can
just do whatever you want?
We're in the money ♪
We're in the money ♪
We've got a lot of what
it takes to get along ♪
We're in the money ♪
The sky is sunny ♪
Old man depression, you are
through, you've done us wrong ♪
CONDUCTOR: Now arriving at Weenietown!
[HORN TOOTS] New billionaires,
disembark here.
♪
Move on in now, we have
another train full coming.
[HUMMING]
We're in the money,
come on, my honey ♪
Hey, you're making our power go out!
Why don't you build your data centers
in someone else's backyard?
STEPHEN: Butters!
Butters, what the hell are
you doing in those bushes?
It's the weenie billionaires, Dad!
There's even more of them now!
Ah, damn it. Stop going off on tangents
about billionaires!
It's not a tangent!
They're right here in our damn yard!
- Come and look!
- You get inside, mister!
I told you, you are grounded!
Dang it!
[CAMERA SHUTTER SNAPPING]
Jesus, that kid won't stop saying
we have a billionaire problem.
I think maybe we do
have an issue, Linda.
What do you mean?
Do you remember when
Butters was younger,
we let him get vaccinated for measles?
Yeah, so?
We let him get vaccinated, Linda.
And now
Our son may actually be libtarded.
[MYSTERIOUS MUSIC]
Oh, no! No!
♪
[CHEERING]
My fellow billionaires!
Our numbers continue to grow,
and now, as mayor of Weenietown,
I'm happy to announce the opening
of our new data center in this backyard.
[CHEERING]
But now that we are growing so rapidly,
we must be careful.
There are so many of
us billionaires now,
we might be starting to annoy people.
That's why I talked
before about the importance
of not drawing attention to ourselves.
OK? So
who went on the Joe
Rogan podcast last night?
That was me!
OK, see, we can't do that.
Well, which podcast should we go on?
No, no, you don't go on any podcast.
You see, that's what I'm saying.
You're billionaires now
us billionaires stay behind the scenes.
But if we don't go on podcasts,
how do we boost our Instagram?
No, no, no, you don't
have an Instagram, OK?
Then how do people hear our opinions?
Nobody wants to hear a
billionaire's opinion.
Guys, guys, guys, that's
the point I'm trying to make.
We gotta lay low.
If people start getting
annoyed with us billionaires,
it could be really bad for Weenietown.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
- Yes?
- Exterminator.
I understand you've got some
billionaires in your backyard?
Yeah! I swear, there's more of these
stupid billionaires every day.
Yeah, well, that's the country
we're living in now, I'm afraid.
But hopefully everything's
gonna change in November.
That's when "Grand Theft Auto"
"Grand Theft Auto VI" comes out, I know!
Could you come help me, please?
Yeah, let's take a look
at the little buggers.
["WE'RE IN THE MONEY" PLAYING FAINTLY]
There. Right there.
Oh, yeah. Yeah, those are
definitely billionaires.
Looks like they got a little
data center going right there.
Pretty big one, too.
Well, yeah, it's taking all
the power from our house,
and I can't watch my YouTube videos!
Yeah, well, it's probably
best you just move.
Move? I'm not gonna move!
I was here before they were!
Well, actually, billionaires
have always been around,
people just didn't pay
attention to them as much.
This is some new strain of billionaire.
They like to go on podcasts
and get into public arguments
with Mark Ruffalo.
Oh, jeez!
Yeah, well, I sprayed them.
That'll shut them up for a little bit.
But once they take root like
this, it's pretty much it
for the town.
"It for the town"?
Yeah, this is a really
aggressive nonnative species.
Really messes with the whole ecosystem.
The whole town's in danger,
and you ain't doing nothing?
Yeah, well, it's South America, kid.
Nobody really gives a shit.
Well, then, we'll make them give a poop.
Come on!
MAYOR OF WEENIETOWN: Gentlemen,
thank you all for coming.
Many of you here are new to Weenietown,
- having just recently become billionaires.
-
And it has come to our attention
that nobody has yet taught you
proper billionaire etiquette.
So we're going to play the
should and shouldn't game.
Let's start with this.
Should a good billionaire
fly in private jets all over the world?
- No?
- Wrong!
Flying in jets all over the world
is something billionaires should do!
Perfectly fine.
Billionaires have been
doing it for decades.
Should a good billionaire
buy a huge yacht
on which to do drugs?
They should not.
No, no, they should!
Get your yacht. Do a bunch of drugs.
Nobody cares.
Now, should a good
billionaire go on Joe Rogan
and talk about peptides?
- Yes!
- [ALL EXCLAIMING AFFIRMATIVELY]
- No!
- [BUZZER BLARES]
No, a billionaire weenie
should not go on any podcast
and talk about peptides.
Here's another example.
Should a good billionaire
spend all the money
they made on prostitutes?
Yes, yes, of course, they can
spend all their money on prostitutes.
That's completely normal.
But should we go on social media
and feed COVID conspiracy theories
by discussing our
wife's six miscarriages?
[ALL RESPONDING AFFIRMATIVELY]
- No! Damn it, no.
- [BUZZER BLARES]
What, we're not allowed
to have our own opinions?
Yeah, billionaires get
to have opinions too!
- Yeah! Yeah!
- Yeah!
No, no, you actually can't!
That's the point!
Remember back to when
you were all young.
You were socially awkward little penises
that nobody liked.
Well, now that you're billionaires,
you're still socially
awkward little penises
that nobody likes.
Let's put it another way.
Show of hands
who in this room was a really
popular cool kid in school?
Right, none of you.
And just because you got rich,
that doesn't mean you
suddenly got cool too.
Everyone thinks I'm cool.
No. Nobody thinks you're cool.
All you have to learn
to do is shut up, OK?
Because if you don't,
then Billionaire Weenietown is done for!
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
[RELAXED MUSIC]
BUTTERS: These weenie billionaires
built a data center in my backyard.
And if we don't do something,
it could harm our whole town.
- Tell him!
- Yeah, it's true.
This is a highly aggressive species,
and they're multiplying fast.
So we thought we'd
better get the word out.
Uh-huh. Look, kid, things
are bad everywhere, OK?
The best we can hope for
is that when November comes,
we can all get "Grand Theft Auto VI"
and not care about anything.
Amen to that.
[SCOFFS] No, no, come on!
You really want our
whole town to get overrun
with little weenies
doing whatever they want?
I'm just heavily invested
in what happens in November.
I invested in the ultimate edition.
Look, mister, I know
what your mom might've used to tell you.
She probably told you to
never pop your pimples.
That it could make it worse.
But you gotta get in there.
You gotta get in there and
squeeze that son of a bitch!
Uh-huh. Sound like you should
just go back and enjoy
your little shows on TV.
How am I supposed to enjoy my show
when every five minutes,
the billionaires make the power go out?
Wait a minute. What did you say?
That's what they do.
Their little data centers
suck up all the power!
But in "Grand Theft
Auto," there's save points.
If the power keeps going out,
you lose all your progress.
Oh, Jesus, I didn't even think of that.
These billionaires could
totally screw up November!
Pull the 5:00! We're
doing a different story!
My goodness. It's getting late.
Butters hasn't come home for supper.
Face it, Linda. Our son is gone.
Lost to the libtards.
No! He could just be
at a friend's house.
Maybe I should call
the Marshes and see
He's gone, Linda!
We finally have to pay
for what you've done.
Don't say that, Stephen.
I told you I was cornered. I
I've kept quiet long enough!
Our little boy is out
there probably dead
because all those
months ago, you, Linda,
you got him vaccinated.
And I told you this would happen.
But you went behind my back
and you took him to the doctor anyway!
The school kept sending emails.
They said that Butters had
to have his shots up to date
or he wouldn't be able to attend school.
And so you just faked my signature
on the school forms.
Faked it because I knew
what that vaccination would do to him!
Because I listen to podcasts!
Oh, God!
But you couldn't take time
out of your precious day
to listen to podcasts, could you?
And now your son is a libtard.
Vaccinated and turned transsexual
and fucked to death in the
streets of South America!
[SOBBING] No! No, Butters!
You couldn't imagine your son
not being able to attend school,
but you can imagine
his dead transsexual body
now, can't you, Linda?
You fucking bitch!
[PHONE RINGING]
[SOBBING] Please! Please forgive me!
Hold on a second. That's Butters.
Butters, where are you?
Sorry, Dad. I'll be right home.
I'm just I'm finishing up
some homework at Kyle's house.
All right, well, get home soon.
Your mom made tortellini soup.
[PHONE BEEPS]
- Behind my back, Linda!
- No!
Our libtarded son is
dead and transsexual
because of your measles vaccine!
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
ANNOUNCER: This is "South
America Local News."
A change to the town
name, a band on e-bikes,
and now, South America is dealing
with a highly invasive species
threatening its ecosystem.
Tom, local scientists are saying
that this new highly aggressive
and non-native form of billionaire
is quickly growing
here in South America.
And as the swarm continues to spread,
we are starting to see the effects
on the ecosystem here.
You can see behind me,
Stark's Pond has become
infested with little tiny private jets
that the billionaires are using
to get from backyard to another ope!
Oh, they really are everywhere, Tom.
Billionaires flying in my face now.
Billionaires are here in South America.
It fucking sucks!
- [SCREAMING]
- Hold on.
We have breaking news.
Breaking news now.
It appears that the
invasive billionaire problem
is completely under control.
Scientists now say
that there is nothing to worry about.
The, uh the species is not invasive.
It is actually good for
our lakes and wildlife,
and there is absolutely no problem.
We're lucky the
billionaires chose our town,
and for certain, their
little data centers
will make us all thrive.
MAYOR: Fellow billionaires,
I have tried to stabilize
our public image!
Things were looking grim,
so I went out and bought
the local news media,
as any good billionaire should.
And that should have fixed our problem,
but now, can someone
tell me who went out
and got in a public
argument with Macklemore?
God damn it, we had it figured out!
I bought the news so we
could make us seem nicer,
and then some little penis
decided Macklemore
needed a good talking to!
Who was it?
- [ALL CLAMORING]
- He did! He did!
I just thought Macklemore
needed to hear my opinions.
No, God damn it, nobody needs
to hear your fucking opinions!
Nobody cares what you think
about fucking Macklemore!
What the fuck are you doing?
Will you all just shut the fuck up?
I don't know what to do, old cap.
It seems these new billionaires
just don't want to listen
to us old weenies anymore.
Such is the folly of life.
What are we going to do?
This will be the end of us all.
Well, desperate times call
for desperate measures, Mayor.
You're right. Where is Miss Ladypenis?
Out driving as always, I assume.
I'd better get her on the phone.
Miss Ladypenis?
Come in, Miss Ladypenis.
Miss Ladypenis, do you read?
This is Ladypenis. Go ahead, Mayor.
We need your help, Ladypenis.
The new billionaires won't listen,
and they have to be relocated.
I'll be right in. Ladypenis out.
[ENGINE REVVING]
[CRYING]
Oh, Butters.
Oh, my precious little man.
Stephen?
Can I get you something to drink?
Can you get me something to drink?
Our little boy's libtarded
body is out there,
fill with a vaccine,
turned gay and dead,
but you want to know if I want a drink?
Stephen, if I had known
that the measles booster
would have caused all
this, I would've
You did know!
I told you a measle
booster would kill our son,
and then turn him libtarded and gay!
- But you didn't listen!
- Oh, God! [SOBBING]
Our son is dead because you never listen
to a single podcast I say!
And now you know just
how wrong you were!
Mom, Dad, can I talk to you?
Not now, Butters.
You got led like a blind sheep, Linda!
Followed what the school
said about the vaccinations!
I just want to say, I'm sorry
I've been so ornery lately.
You know, I shouldn't be
yelling and screaming at you
'cause billionaires are building
data centers in our backyards.
Oh, God!
I gotta learn to control my emotions
and not let it get to me that
the little weenies control
the news outlets now too.
Oh, billionaires
control the news now too!
Do you understand now that
your vaccine killed our son?
Well well, Stephen,
he is right there.
My God, Linda, that's
it! I'm calling the FBI!
You guys are using AI
to redesign the house,
and I need to be OK with that.
Hello, FBI?
I need to report a case of bestiality.
I've been having sex with a blind sheep.
- [SOBBING]
- That's right, she's a sheep.
She got our son vaccinated,
and now he's dead and trans.
That's right.
I think the new living
room looks real nice, guys,
and the new kitchen too.
Go to your room,
Butters. You're grounded.
- Yeah! Yeah, that's right.
- Ah, dang it.
BUTTERS' DAD: Yeah, no,
I've been having sex with it
for years. Come and get me.
OK, hang on.
The head of the FBI
wants to talk to you.
Hello?
[MUFFLED YELLING]
Yes. Yes, no, I
I just really wanted him
to be able to go to school.
[MUFFLED YELLING]
Oh! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!
Just come and arrest me!
I've been having sex with this thing!
[SOFT MUSIC]
♪
[STATIC CRACKLES]
Hello, young man.
It's me, Miss Ladypenis,
on a prerecorded message.
Miss Ladypenis?
We wish to offer you a deal.
If you help us with our problem,
we will leave your backyard for good.
Inside this basket, you will find
all the items you need to
accomplish your mission.
If you agree, go to your backyard
and follow these
instructions explicitly.
Boy, I sure would like to hear
some billionaires' opinions right now!
Nothing better than hearing
what billionaires have
to say about stuff!
[ALL CLAMORING]
- Ah!
- Oh!
- Ah!
- Ah!
Oh!
Come on. Let me hear it.
You're all so interesting!
Look! Our plan is working!
They're drawn like moths to a flame!
[ALL CLAMORING]
Now, boy, now!
[VACUUM WHIRRING]
[ALL CLAMORING]
[SCREAMING]
That's it! He's got 'em!
Great job, Ladypenis!
[SCREAMING]
[SIGHS]
Oh, yes.
There's a good one.
Let's gush this one out there.
Oh, nice one. Yeah.
Loo, loo, loo, I've
got some billionaires ♪
Loo, loo, loo, now
you've got some too ♪
Loo, loo, loo, they
were in my backyard ♪
Now they're in yours too, too, too ♪
Fellow billionaires, we
have averted a crisis.
The little boy has helped us
relocate the problem billionaires,
and now, as per our agreement,
we will soon be moving Weenietown
to the next backyard over.
But as we move, let us remember
to not draw attention to ourselves,
for the outside world can be fickle,
and there is a new billionaire
in Weenietown every day.
TRUMP: This is the final battle.
With you at my side,
we will demolish the deep state.
We will expel the warmongers
from our government.
We will drive out the globalists.
We will cast out the communists,
Marxists, and fascists.
We will threw off the
sick political class
that hates our country.
We will rout the fake news media,
and we will liberate
America from these villains
once and for all.
- [FARTS]
- [SPLASH]
We're in the money ♪
We're in the money ♪
We've got a lot of what
it takes to get along ♪
We're in the money ♪
Whoo-hoo!
♪
♪