10 Things I Hate About You s01e13 Episode Script

203 - Great Expectations

Previously on: "10 things I hate about you" Stop seeing that deep-voiced man-boy.
Dad, you don't even know him.
You're right.
Invite him over for dinner.
You break up with him, and I'll give you your life back.
If you don't come over, he says we can't hang out.
You are nowhere near qualified to see my daughter.
Get out.
Get out.
Dad, we made all of that up.
You've been punked.
This past week with you has been amazing.
You're not choosing me? I broke up with Joey so we could stay friends, and then I got back with him a second later, because I realized real friends would never make me choose between them and my totally hot, wonderful new boyfriend.
You said yourself, you don't even know this guy.
If I learn he's bad news, he's gone.
So there's no actual meat in this meatloaf? No, just lentils.
- [Doorbell rings.]
- Please be a pizza.
Oh, it's Joey.
Watch this and learn.
I'm sorry, young man, but if you'd like to see Bianca, visiting hours are from I've actually come to see you, sir.
It is my hope [mouths silently.]
That you'll grant me permission to date your daughter.
[mouths along.]
Here's my driving record, vaccination card, and a list of references.
They can't be friends, family or fake.
I know, sir.
Did you put him up to this? Good girl.
Let's go to my study and make some calls.
If they all check out, I'll need an itinerary for your date.
Is your phone gps-enabled? Wasn't that so romantic? So romantic.
Maybe they'll negotiate your dowry while they're at it.
How many camels do you think you're worth? You're just jealous.
I'm nauseous.
It's the "meatloaf".
At least Joey asked me out on a real date.
Has Patrick ever asked you? Look, if I wanted to go on a date with him, I'd ask him myself.
Feminism, ever heard of it? Isn't that the thing that killed romance? English version by isubs.
To / corrected dny238 Thank God it's Friday.
Or, if you're an atheist, thank the spinning rotation of the earth.
I'm sorry, did I offend you again? It's all right, I'm used to it.
Don't get me started on the pledge of allegiance.
Big plans this weekend? I think I'll check out this new documentary on the private life of plants.
Sounds kind of scandalous.
You are one weird chick.
Have an educational weekend.
Maybe we can hang out.
Well, I am really busy, so if you want to hang out, maybe we should set a time.
Are you asking me on a date? I'm just saying, if you give me a time frame, maybe I can fit you in.
- How about tonight? - A more specific time frame.
Does 7 work, or will you be watching your plant movie? Oh, hey, hacksaw manor 4 opens tonight.
You want to go? Sorry, dude, it's the sabbath.
No electricity allowed.
You never observe the sabbath.
Nana's visiting.
Got to jet.
Mom's making me pick up the challah.
So where are you taking me tonight? I'll give you a hint.
These are knives.
We're going to see hacksaw manor? No, Benihana.
He's taking her to Benihana? That's where he took me on our first date.
Okay, Joey's pathetic.
He totally lacks imagination.
I'm bored with this topic.
Hey, do you want to go see hacksaw manor 4 tonight? As much as I would love to see aristocrats torn to shreds, I have a date tonight.
I know janelle wants to see it.
She hates aristocrats because her family's poor.
Um, janelle and her boyfriend are busy tonight, too.
We're sort of going on a double date, but you could totally come, too.
And be the fifth wheel? No, thank you.
I was invited to, like, four different parties tonight, and one of them is at a celebrity's house.
I wish I could tell you who, but the church of scientology might get upset.
All right, I'll see you.
Mark this day in your calendar, Bianca.
I am asking you for advice.
- Burn them.
- I'm serious.
So am I.
You can't wear those on your date, and you can't wear that ponytail, either.
Guys only find those sexy on cheerleaders.
A, what? And b, it's not a date.
At least, I don't think so.
You don't know? Would you just help me pick the shoes? Well, did you ask him or did he ask you? That part's a little unclear.
See, this is what you really needed advice about.
Here's how you know if it's a date if he's made a plan, and if he pays.
I'm sorry, did I just stumble into mad men? Trust me, those women knew when they were on a date.
I got your 911 text.
What's the emergency? I can't decide between these two earrings.
A true crisis.
- Daring or distracting? - Way distracting.
That's what I thought.
Thank God you're here.
Come on, let's lip gloss.
Are you so excited? Joey is such a catch.
And chastity always said he's amazing in bed.
Athletic, sensual and hygienic.
Oh, my God.
Do you think he expects sex tonight? I doubt it.
I mean, it's the first date.
This may be California, but we still have some standards.
Did you do it on your first date with Mr.
Ross? Crap.
Joey still thinks I had sex with my teacher.
Because you did.
You still think I did, too.
Um, look, dawn Don't hate me, but I lied to you.
I'm still a virgin.
I was just trying to fit in.
Yeah, that makes more sense.
[Doorbell rings.]
Oh, my God.
That's Joey.
I should just tell him, right? No.
If you're honest now, it might turn him off.
What if he tries to have sex with me? Don't panic.
Just make out with him like you normally would, and if he tries to go further, make up excuses.
Ouch, I think I pulled my groin during Pilates.
Ooh, I think I'm getting a cold sore.
High School boys are so stupid, they'll believe anything.
And by the time you tell him the truth, he'll be so in love with you, he won't even care.
Oh, my God, I love this plan.
And this is the baby crowning.
You never really think about it, but it's a baby.
A whole baby that just grows in there from scratch, like a brownie.
A brownie that costs $250,000 to raise.
And that's just in the first 18 years.
If that brownie goes to college, which it better, you can tack on at least $100,000 more.
My brownies will get sports scholarships.
- You're missing the point.
- Hi, Joey.
Wow, you look amaze-balls.
I'm sorry, what? Don't worry, daddy, it's a compliment.
Have her back by 10:00.
Remember what I said about the brownies.
Don't get near her oven.
Hi, Patrick.
Have fun on your date, or whatever.
Hello, son.
If I come in, do I have to watch the slide show again? Yes, but we'll go through it faster.
Okay, I have a last minute surprise for you, five-o.
Oh, goodie.
I love surprises.
Should I close my eyes? Sure.
Just put this blindfold on first.
So where should we head for tonight's adventure? I don't care.
I figured you'd have a plan.
Well, I'm hungry.
Let's go eat.
How about hal's steak house? I'm dying for a rib eye.
You know I don't eat anything with a face.
They usually cut that part off before they serve it to you.
You don't say.
How about vegan nirvana? No, thanks.
I'll just chew on a tree and save 20 bucks.
You know what? I'll just drive.
We'll find something.
the boy meets the girl somewhere in a crowd this doesn't look like Benihana.
Because it's my house.
I set the table myself.
I even cooked a dish I invented for myself.
I call it Chicken a la Joey.
And it's only Wow.
Joey, this is so thoughtful.
Well, I really wanted tonight to be special.
Don't move.
I'm going to get us the hors d'oeuvres.
Oh, I almost forgot the best part my parents are out of town.
We have the place all to ourselves.
Want to go somewhere more comfortable? Uh, sure, but do you think I could have another piece of pie first? Sorry, babe, you finished it.
Let's move to the couch.
Um, okay.
You're so tense.
Really? I don't know why.
I couldn't be looser.
I don't mean that I'm loose.
I just I'll give you a massage.
Look, 20/20.
Man, I miss Ted Koppel.
I'll record it.
Just relax.
Did you feel something? I think there was an earthquake.
Nope, didn't feel a thing.
Baby, what's wrong? Do you have any aspirin? I have a splitting virgin.
I'm starving.
We would have been eating an hour ago if you ate fish.
Nothing with a face.
- This place is expensive.
- We're not going anywhere else.
Hi, my name is Winston.
I'm going to be your waiter.
Can I take your order? Actually, we haven't finished look, in 45 minutes, I got to kick you out of this table.
We got some VIPs coming in.
So more time with the menu, less time eating.
I'll have the chicken.
The passion fruit poisson or the fricassee? The first one.
And for the lady? I'll just have the side salad.
And please don't call me lady.
- And for your entree? - That is my entree.
Look, I'm just letting you know that the side salads are side salads.
They're quite small.
That's why they call them side salads.
Get whatever you want.
I got it.
You sure? Don't worry about it.
I'll have the ginger chipotle tofu, but without the chipotle.
Okay, just so you know, that's not the way the award-winning chef designed it.
And for your water, sparkling or still? [Both.]
Of course.
Actually, I'd like sewer water, please.
I'm going to get you for that.
You know, hacksaw manor 1, there wasn't enough blood.
Hacksaw manor 2, way too much blood.
Hacksaw manor 3, too many babies died.
Chastity church? What are you doing here? Are you by yourself? Of course not.
I am on a date.
Okay, I can't really tolerate a man screaming during a movie.
It is so unsexy.
So I told him to sit in the back.
Oh, that sounds exactly like you.
I'm going to get some popcorn.
Will you save my seat? Oh, could you get me a hot dog? Yeah, sure.
And some licorice.
I hate the red.
And maybe some nachos.
But only if they have nachos supreme, but not if the nachos supreme have sour cream.
Could I just yeah.
- Yeah.
- Is that all? - And a diet soda.
And hurry back.
You don't want to miss the previews.
Here you are, safe and sound.
And two hours before curfew.
Thanks for walking me to my door, Joey.
Tonight was Great.
Dinner was amazing.
I'll e-mail you the recipes.
Up top, five-o.
Awesome night.
Joey, wait.
Are you sure you're okay with me being a virgin? Totally.
No problemo.
Everyone's a virgin at some point.
It's nothing to be ashamed of.
Then can I have a kiss good night? Sure.
Good night.
I know the drummer from orchid breeder.
Shut up.
How? This guy I know met him in rehab.
This guy I know.
Was it you? You got me.
I'm a sex addict.
Oh, my God.
I thought I recognized you from group.
You were the guy wearing the hoodie.
You should have seen what I was wearing underneath.
If you hand me your card now, it'll save time.
I'd like to review the check first.
Thanks, Patrick.
I'll totally get the next one.
But this time Run.
Come on.
I can't believe you did that.
What were you thinking? We have to go back and pay that bill.
Excuse you.
This is not funny.
That was wrong.
What's wrong are those prices.
Who pays that much? All the other people in the restaurant.
Lighten up.
That waiter was a jerk.
What's the big deal? The big deal is that I don't want to commit a crime on our first date.
Oh, I didn't realize this was a date.
Neither did I, until you offered to pay.
- Ah, but I didn't pay.
- Ah, yes, I remember.
Fine, this isn't a date.
What's your problem? I thought you were cool with this.
With what? With going on dates and not calling them dates? What's so terrible about a date? Because a date comes with all these expectations on me, and I didn't sign up for [vomits.]
Are you okay? Is something wrong? It's not fair.
I know.
They're just aristocrats whose carriage broke down in the wrong manor.
No, you idiot.
My life.
My life isn't fair.
I dumped Joey, and now he's on a date on a Friday night, and I'm here alone.
I'm here, chastity.
Oh, my life is such a mess.
Why is this happening to me? I don't know.
Can it happen somewhere else? We're trying to watch a movie.
[Theater murmurs.]
Hey, hey, give her a break.
She's been through a lot.
Please tell me what Joey did to you.
Can you just leave me in peace with my ice cream and my sex and the city marathon, please? Did he try to have sex in your city? [Groans.]
I don't want to talk about it right now, dad.
Why didn't they make you with an off switch? Fine.
Then I'm going to call and ask him.
- I'll just get his folder.
- Nothing happened, dad.
You really want to know what happened? At the end of our date, he gave me a high five.
Are you happy? Ecstatic.
- That was scary.
- So scary.
Who knew there were so many ways to kill people with one hand tool? Yeah.
And if anyone finds out about tonight, I'll find one more.
Hey, Dr.
I missed you, too.
Is Bianca home? She's in her room.
Just leave the door open and I know you will, because you're a good egg.
Look, Joey, I didn't mean to overdo it with the slideshow.
You may kiss her good night.
- Chastely.
- Is that with or without tongue? - Without.
- Okay.
- You okay? - I'm never eating tofu again.
Promise? Hey, look on the bright side Our first date was memorable.
But I'm not giving you a good night kiss.
Your breath is seriously nasty.
- Oh, my God.
Is she drunk? - No, food poisoning.
Come on inside.
We'll get you some gatorade.
Maybe pump your stomach, huh? - Patrick, about the check - Oh, my God.
Are you kidding? - I'll take care of it somehow.
- Do not pay for the tofu.
Joey, what are you doing here? I came to apologize.
I freaked out on you.
No, I'm sorry.
I should have been honest.
It's just I was expecting our relationship to be an R-rated movie.
Actually, I thought we might even be NC-17, since you slept with your teacher.
And then I found out we were PG, and I couldn't remember when my last PG movie was.
And then I was driving home, and I remembered.
Transformers 2.
That's the last PG movie I saw.
And Megan Fox was so hot in it, and she didn't even flash a boob.
- Okay.
What I'm saying is is that no matter what kind of movie we are, if we're going to be PG, then you're my Megan Fox.
That is so sweet.
And over time, we can eventually build up to being R-rated.
That works for me.
When you say eventually, do you mean weeks or months? English version by isubs.
To / corrected dny238
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