1600 Penn s01e07 Episode Script
To the Ranch
1 And we continue to wait word from the White House on who president Gilchrist plans to nominate to the Supreme Court.
Many in both parties are asking, "what's the holdup?" Okay, it's Hopkins.
Good choice, sir.
Or Chang.
Hopkins or Chang.
That's my short list.
But now I'm feeling like why isn't Garcia in the mix? I love Garcia.
And we're going backwards.
Honey, maybe you need to take a break.
So many qualified judges.
If one of them would just take a bribe or strike a pedestrian, it would really make this easier.
Why don't you get out of here, get some air.
Okay.
I've decided.
The President has decided to go to his ranch in Nevada.
He's taking a vacation? He is stepping outside of the bubble to focus on this major decision.
So it is a vacation.
Marshall: You know what, darling.
This appointment is of monumental importance, and the President takes it very, very seriously.
To the ranch, to the ranch.
To the ranch, ranch, ranch.
Tom, Sylvia.
Oh, whoa-oh-oh, whoa 1600 PENN S01 Ep07 - To the ranch I'm so happy you're coming on vacation with us, Marshall.
Yup, I get to watch your father Bale Hay while I take an irresponsible amount - of black market antihistamines.
- Mm-hmm.
I have I have terrible allergies.
(Laughing): Right, that is hysterical, bud.
Wait, here comes Stacey.
Marshall: What's going on with you and her? Well, we went on one date.
The Washington Post called it a disaster, but I don't read reviews.
Technically, we're not together-together, or together, but I like the path we're on right now.
Oh, no, what's this? Look at them.
Sustained eye contact? The tender of exchanging mail? Skip, I think you're overreacting.
Okay, that's not good.
You sure I can't come? I'm practically family.
I'm related to that little rascal.
You sure are.
Look, D.
B.
, we've really gotten to know each other over the last six weeks, and it's going fine.
I think it's going awesome.
Okay, awesome.
But why don't we let it breathe a little, you know? Maybe we'll look back on this time and say, "wow, absence made the heart grow fonder.
" Think so? Hope so.
Well, you know what they say: Hindsight's 50/50.
- What? - It's an expression.
It means things are basically cool either way.
Oh, I'm going to miss you.
(Sighs) Wow, that's firm.
Bob.
Oh, this is going to be a good weekend, Emily.
Smell that air.
(Sneezes) Oh, that's ragweed.
Here we go.
Isn't it amazing how different you feel out here? This is a place that I can think, you know.
I can get some real work done with my own hands.
I know.
I'm so excited.
Really? You hate nature.
I do not hate nature.
I respect it.
As I would any adversary.
I'm just looking forward to being a normal family.
There's nothing to distract us here.
Come on, guys.
We're at the ranch.
Let's hike to a swimming hole and track a wild buffalo.
Do we have that here? I'm in the middle of a serious online debate about objectivist philosophy.
What about you, Marigold? Oh, uh, I'll have a grilled cheese.
Shh.
You guys are ruining Bridges of Madison County.
Becca: Yes, D.
B.
, I will pet a horse for you.
Yup, I promise it will be a brown one.
Okay, bye.
The phone's not really his best medium.
In person you can look at him.
Which is good.
I'm going to go milk a cow.
That kid gets it.
Yeah, but what about the others? I can almost see them losing bone density.
Skip still moping about that girl.
He brought a suitcase full of DVDs 'cause he said he needs to get his "cry on.
" (Whispering): There's so much love and so much loss and so many bridges.
Thank you.
(Coughs) That's warm.
How long has it been out? Of the cow? About 30 seconds.
What is this? Fur? That is gross.
What are you doing? Well, your dad decided to throw Garcia back into the mix so now I have to write a new speech.
Millie Garcia? Second circuit? 88 majority opinions, only 3% overturned on appeal? I mean, nobody puts up those kind of numbers.
Here, move over.
This speech writes itself.
You are a nerd.
You know that? Marigold: Emily.
Give me that back! This is not yours.
Where are you going? Give me back my phone! Okay, what are you doing? I just texted Lisa she was my "BFF," but it autocorrected it to "BFFA," which is a total insult.
And if I don't post on the message board, they'll think I concede the argument, Emily.
Your phones are safe, all right? They are being hidden in a spot that I have right here on this map.
And with these backpacks, this compass, and some good, old-fashioned orienteering, we are going to find your phones.
And you know what else we'll find? - Rattlesnakes? - Quicksand? - Poison Ivy? - Hantavirus? - Mountain lions? - Hill folk? - A jackalope? - Unsprung bear traps? - Flash floods? - El Chupacabra? - Nell? - The bones of the last kids who tried this? No.
Fun With a compass.
Emily, I don't even know you anymore.
Sigh.
You're upset about a girl, huh? Yeah, she threw away everything we had.
Before we had anything.
Skip, you know I'm in the middle of making a tough decision, right? And the more I think about it and focus on it, the more stuck I get.
So, what I do is, I chop wood and I don't think about it.
I chop.
Don't think.
Chop Then it comes to me.
Give it a try.
Let me get it set up.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, careful.
I'll get out of the way before Okay.
Yeah, well, see Um, I think what you might want to do, is take all those feelings that are inside you, right? And make them fly out of the end of the axe.
Make Stacey get out of your head.
Get out of my head, Stacey.
Yeah.
Stacey, get out of my head.
Well, that's a start.
Xander: Isn't this great, guys? You can't get this at home.
It's just us and the mountain.
Man versus nature.
Emily, right behind us is an example of man's victory over nature.
We've already won this war.
Guys, look, you just got to forget the secret service is there, okay? Oh, my God, look.
Xander: A Bunny rabbit.
Aww.
Now you'll always remember that great hiking trip where we saw the bunny.
Marigold: Wow, look at that bird.
See how he's circling? I think that means he's looking for oh.
(Screeching) (Wings fluttering) Oh, my God, that rabbit screamed like a person.
It's a perfectly normal part of nature, guys.
Circle of life.
Ooh, this is a good one.
Her rationale in Mallone v.
Vermont has become sine qua non in due process cases, even beyond her circuit.
She's not afraid to make tough decisions.
You're making it sound simplistic.
I'm making it sound human.
I take your raw, unpasteurized horrible-tasting information milk and I process it into a delightful whipped topping.
After being reversed on the claimant's standing in Smith v.
Smith, she masterfully resurrected a ripeness argument.
She is no quitter.
You're good.
Thank you.
(Sighs) Really loving this, dad.
I feel like I'm Luke Skywalker on the swamp planet of Dagobah and you're Yoda and you're speaking in a really weird cadence, but I'm really learning and growing.
That's good, but I think we'd get a little bit more done if you focus little less on talking, a little more on chopping.
No.
No, maybe for you.
But I'm more of a classic multi-tasker.
Dad, let me ask you something.
Do you ever wonder what it would be like if, instead of being president, you were just a cowboy or a legend? Hey, dad, what would you do if an alligator jumped out at you right now? Skip, this is a ranch in Nevada Uh-uh, too late, you just lost an arm.
Let's say a Vegas alligator escaped from the Otto Burnholtz alligator magic spectacular and is scuttling across the Mojave.
He's hot, he's tired, he's pissy, and he's going to eat you.
What do you do, dad? What do you do? You punch it in the eyes.
And then you run.
But not in a zigzag motion.
That's a myth that a lot of people have disproven with their lives.
(Whispering): Do you know what the alligator mating call is? (Weird bleating) So, either there are no alligators here, or they've recently fornicated.
But that's not how the snapping turtle thinks.
(Chainsaw starting) (Barely audible): A lot of people don't know this (Barely audible): But interestingly enough, the python is taking over the Everglades.
They estimate that Can't stop thinking about that rabbit.
For some reason, Emily wants us to remember that forever.
Guys, just try picturing a nest full of cute baby hawks with full tummies instead.
- Gross.
- Ew.
Emily: Speaking of which, you guys look hungry.
Do I hear a dinner triangle? Come and get it! Did you bring a can opener? I sure Corkscrew.
Damn it.
Emily, as the largest, I would like to ally with you now against Marigold before this devolves into a donner party situation.
We're not going to need to eat Marigold.
Steve? Hank? Thank you.
All right, soup's on.
Great.
Where are the spoons? Damn it.
It has a lot to do with pond temperature.
(Cracking) Father, look out! (Grunts) My back.
The tree was about to fall on you.
- Oh - Timber, right? Should one of us have said "timber"? (Computer dings) Hey, D.
B.
Hey, it's me, D.
B.
! Yeah, I can see you.
I had such a crazy day at the Old Navy.
My boss asked me to order extra larges, and I thought he meant more larges, which he did not mean.
So long story short: Sale on larges.
- Ha.
- But hey, hindsight's 50/50, right? Speaking of whi (Mutes sound) Yeah.
Totally hear you.
Hope you kids are all right in there.
Sorry I brought the wrong size tent.
But I'm not sorry 'cause I love it out here.
I can see Orion, and the other one Oh! Spider on my face! (Panting) Oh, spider.
Spider on my face! Ah, ah! Its foot went in my mouth.
Ah, ah.
Spider web! Oh, that was a spider web! Ah, ah! (Blows out) Mother nature! Wow.
Deep sleepers.
I'm out.
Hey, guys.
I'm just taking a break from the grandeur.
And its many Many spiders.
I'm gonna get back out there.
Don't you worry.
Any second now.
I'm gonna leave the comfort of this American-made luxury SUV and Oh, wait.
Oh, this bad boy goes all the way back.
And that is a seat warmer.
(Exhales) Wake me in four hours and throw some leaves in my hair.
(Dale groans) Owie.
How's the back, sir? Considering I was chain-sawing with Skip, it could have been a lot worse.
You look like crap, by the way.
Allergies have shut down all but my most basic systems.
(Sniffs) Anyway, I, uh, finished the Garcia speech.
Becca was actually a big help.
I brought it by in case you wanted to take a look at it.
He will do no such thing.
Papa, yesterday you guided me through my pain by showing me your world.
And today, as you recover from the injuries that I inflicted upon you, I will show you mine.
Now, would you rather visit Madison County, or take A Walk to Remember? That's really sweet, Skip, but you should be outside working through the whole Stacey thing Shh.
Shh, shh.
Don't think.
Chop.
You taught me that.
Now let me teach you.
- Let me be your Yoda.
- I don't need a Yoda.
(Imitating Yoda): Mm.
Resistant you be.
(Knocking softly) (Gasps) Why didn't you wake me? We tried, ma'am.
You made a number of profane threats.
Okay.
I know this looks bad.
Your latte, ma'am.
Thank you.
Dad, have you ever eaten fried green tomatoes? I ate like a million of them after I watched the movie, just to kind of immerse myself, and to be honest, I did not love 'em.
I liked them, did not love 'em.
I wonder why the tomatoes have to be green.
Why not just Fried tomatoes! You literally never hear about those.
Kind of weird, right? Kind of weird.
Maybe it's a flavor profile - thing, or maybe - Enough! - Please.
- Well, what? You're relentless.
Have you ever heard the expression "a little goes a long way"? I've heard that about cinnamon.
Well, you're like the cinnamon of people, and that's your problem.
You say every single thing that pops into your head.
I'm sorry.
I was upset about Stacey, I guess.
Well, get over it! I mean, is this how you act with her? It's no wonder that she doesn't want to go out with you.
And I immediately regret that I said that.
Yesterday, you taught me lessons using tough love, and today you're teaching me using no love.
So I thank you.
They say our work with ourselves is never done.
Ah! I think I hear my kettle boiling.
Skip Skip! Buddy Are you sure it's okay for you to be doing this in your Condition? My O.
B.
says it's okay, and the NRA recommends it.
- I see you survived the night.
- Yeah.
What'd you do after I passed out? I skyped with D.
B.
Oh.
How was that? Good! You okay? (Exhales) D.
B.
is great.
He really is.
He's just Not exactly who I see myself with.
You know, he's really sweet and he tries so hard.
Yeah, and I am confident enough in my heterosexuality to say that he is a fine-looking man.
I just always saw myself as being part of one of those, like, power couples who's brilliant and hyper-successful and watches documentaries, and just makes everyone else feel super-inadequate - about their own relationship.
- Don't worry.
People will totally, totally hate you guys.
You're just saying that.
Well, no point in looking back.
What happened happened.
Yep.
Hindsight is 20/20.
D.
B.
: Hello! Oh! D.
B.
! Hey! It's me, D.
B.
- Whoa, what? - What's happening, Marvin? It's Marshall.
- Well, what are you doing here? - Last night on Skype, I asked if you were gonna have trouble sleeping without your pregnancy pillow.
And you said, "uh-huh, I totally hear you.
" And I said, "do you want me to bring it to the ranch?" And you said, "uh-huh, I totally hear you.
" So, here I am.
And here it is.
Wow, that's really, really You bought a plane ticket on one-day notice? That must have cost you a fortune.
Well, I wanted my baby to be comfortable.
You, not the stomach baby.
Both.
Whoo, well! I've been cooped up on a plane for six hours.
You guys want to go for a hike? Marvin, push-up pyramid at the top of the hill! Whoo! Let's do this! Come on! Whoo! I'm not taking my shirt off.
Come on, Marvin.
Let's go! (Birds twittering) (Sighs) How'd you find me? Look, I'm sorry.
I made a mistake.
I guess I'm feeling the pressures of the job.
I didn't mean any of that.
Perhaps you shouldn't say every little thing that pops into your head.
Look, I said you were wallowing I'm the one who's wallowing.
I keep second-guessing myself about that judge thing.
It's hard to admit.
I'm afraid of being wrong.
Why don't you just go with your gut? That's what you do, right? I mean, like with Stacey.
You don't even know if she likes you.
No, there's mostly evidence to the contrary.
But you know she's the one.
Of course.
You actually make a pretty good Yoda.
Out of curiosity, who would you go with? - Hopkins, Chang, or Garcia? - Chang.
- Is it because she's Asian? - Yes.
Emily: All right, just a little further up, and then it's just a short hike back to the house.
So our phones have been near the house the whole time.
Great.
(Sighs) Just when I thought I was into this hike, Emily, you pull me back out.
All right! You know what? You're right.
Nature sucks, okay? I have got three different rashes.
A spider crawled across my face in the night.
Did it lay eggs? Who knows? Check back in nine days.
So I'm sorry.
All right? I thought we would be outside and bond and make memories.
The only memories we've made are the kind that will haunt us.
Which is on me.
Sostepmom strikes out again.
What? Dale: Hey, guys.
Listen, about before I'm sorry.
I got carried away.
Oh, totally.
I get it.
D.
B.
is the father of this baby.
I have to try and make it work.
Hey, I just want you to be happy.
So just friends, right? Of course! Otherwise This would be completely romantic.
Now, this is the kind of memory I was talking about.
(Phone ringing) My phone! And we're done.
Skip: Dad, how did you learn to stare off in the distance like that? Is it about how squinty to make your eyes? Not now, Skip.
And the President urges Congress to confirm judge Garcia quickly so she can bring her wisdom and experience to the bench (barely audible): as soon as possible.
What's up, friend-o? You better treat Stacey right, or you'll have to answer to the Cinnamon Kid.
- Are you the Cinnamon Kid? - Yes.
Yes, I am.
That's my cowboy nickname.
A little of me goes a long way.
Don't worry about it.
She broke up with me.
Oh No, I'm so sorry.
Come here.
Well, if it's any consolation, she was way too good for you.
- Huh? - Hush Don't think.
Chop.
Many in both parties are asking, "what's the holdup?" Okay, it's Hopkins.
Good choice, sir.
Or Chang.
Hopkins or Chang.
That's my short list.
But now I'm feeling like why isn't Garcia in the mix? I love Garcia.
And we're going backwards.
Honey, maybe you need to take a break.
So many qualified judges.
If one of them would just take a bribe or strike a pedestrian, it would really make this easier.
Why don't you get out of here, get some air.
Okay.
I've decided.
The President has decided to go to his ranch in Nevada.
He's taking a vacation? He is stepping outside of the bubble to focus on this major decision.
So it is a vacation.
Marshall: You know what, darling.
This appointment is of monumental importance, and the President takes it very, very seriously.
To the ranch, to the ranch.
To the ranch, ranch, ranch.
Tom, Sylvia.
Oh, whoa-oh-oh, whoa 1600 PENN S01 Ep07 - To the ranch I'm so happy you're coming on vacation with us, Marshall.
Yup, I get to watch your father Bale Hay while I take an irresponsible amount - of black market antihistamines.
- Mm-hmm.
I have I have terrible allergies.
(Laughing): Right, that is hysterical, bud.
Wait, here comes Stacey.
Marshall: What's going on with you and her? Well, we went on one date.
The Washington Post called it a disaster, but I don't read reviews.
Technically, we're not together-together, or together, but I like the path we're on right now.
Oh, no, what's this? Look at them.
Sustained eye contact? The tender of exchanging mail? Skip, I think you're overreacting.
Okay, that's not good.
You sure I can't come? I'm practically family.
I'm related to that little rascal.
You sure are.
Look, D.
B.
, we've really gotten to know each other over the last six weeks, and it's going fine.
I think it's going awesome.
Okay, awesome.
But why don't we let it breathe a little, you know? Maybe we'll look back on this time and say, "wow, absence made the heart grow fonder.
" Think so? Hope so.
Well, you know what they say: Hindsight's 50/50.
- What? - It's an expression.
It means things are basically cool either way.
Oh, I'm going to miss you.
(Sighs) Wow, that's firm.
Bob.
Oh, this is going to be a good weekend, Emily.
Smell that air.
(Sneezes) Oh, that's ragweed.
Here we go.
Isn't it amazing how different you feel out here? This is a place that I can think, you know.
I can get some real work done with my own hands.
I know.
I'm so excited.
Really? You hate nature.
I do not hate nature.
I respect it.
As I would any adversary.
I'm just looking forward to being a normal family.
There's nothing to distract us here.
Come on, guys.
We're at the ranch.
Let's hike to a swimming hole and track a wild buffalo.
Do we have that here? I'm in the middle of a serious online debate about objectivist philosophy.
What about you, Marigold? Oh, uh, I'll have a grilled cheese.
Shh.
You guys are ruining Bridges of Madison County.
Becca: Yes, D.
B.
, I will pet a horse for you.
Yup, I promise it will be a brown one.
Okay, bye.
The phone's not really his best medium.
In person you can look at him.
Which is good.
I'm going to go milk a cow.
That kid gets it.
Yeah, but what about the others? I can almost see them losing bone density.
Skip still moping about that girl.
He brought a suitcase full of DVDs 'cause he said he needs to get his "cry on.
" (Whispering): There's so much love and so much loss and so many bridges.
Thank you.
(Coughs) That's warm.
How long has it been out? Of the cow? About 30 seconds.
What is this? Fur? That is gross.
What are you doing? Well, your dad decided to throw Garcia back into the mix so now I have to write a new speech.
Millie Garcia? Second circuit? 88 majority opinions, only 3% overturned on appeal? I mean, nobody puts up those kind of numbers.
Here, move over.
This speech writes itself.
You are a nerd.
You know that? Marigold: Emily.
Give me that back! This is not yours.
Where are you going? Give me back my phone! Okay, what are you doing? I just texted Lisa she was my "BFF," but it autocorrected it to "BFFA," which is a total insult.
And if I don't post on the message board, they'll think I concede the argument, Emily.
Your phones are safe, all right? They are being hidden in a spot that I have right here on this map.
And with these backpacks, this compass, and some good, old-fashioned orienteering, we are going to find your phones.
And you know what else we'll find? - Rattlesnakes? - Quicksand? - Poison Ivy? - Hantavirus? - Mountain lions? - Hill folk? - A jackalope? - Unsprung bear traps? - Flash floods? - El Chupacabra? - Nell? - The bones of the last kids who tried this? No.
Fun With a compass.
Emily, I don't even know you anymore.
Sigh.
You're upset about a girl, huh? Yeah, she threw away everything we had.
Before we had anything.
Skip, you know I'm in the middle of making a tough decision, right? And the more I think about it and focus on it, the more stuck I get.
So, what I do is, I chop wood and I don't think about it.
I chop.
Don't think.
Chop Then it comes to me.
Give it a try.
Let me get it set up.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, careful.
I'll get out of the way before Okay.
Yeah, well, see Um, I think what you might want to do, is take all those feelings that are inside you, right? And make them fly out of the end of the axe.
Make Stacey get out of your head.
Get out of my head, Stacey.
Yeah.
Stacey, get out of my head.
Well, that's a start.
Xander: Isn't this great, guys? You can't get this at home.
It's just us and the mountain.
Man versus nature.
Emily, right behind us is an example of man's victory over nature.
We've already won this war.
Guys, look, you just got to forget the secret service is there, okay? Oh, my God, look.
Xander: A Bunny rabbit.
Aww.
Now you'll always remember that great hiking trip where we saw the bunny.
Marigold: Wow, look at that bird.
See how he's circling? I think that means he's looking for oh.
(Screeching) (Wings fluttering) Oh, my God, that rabbit screamed like a person.
It's a perfectly normal part of nature, guys.
Circle of life.
Ooh, this is a good one.
Her rationale in Mallone v.
Vermont has become sine qua non in due process cases, even beyond her circuit.
She's not afraid to make tough decisions.
You're making it sound simplistic.
I'm making it sound human.
I take your raw, unpasteurized horrible-tasting information milk and I process it into a delightful whipped topping.
After being reversed on the claimant's standing in Smith v.
Smith, she masterfully resurrected a ripeness argument.
She is no quitter.
You're good.
Thank you.
(Sighs) Really loving this, dad.
I feel like I'm Luke Skywalker on the swamp planet of Dagobah and you're Yoda and you're speaking in a really weird cadence, but I'm really learning and growing.
That's good, but I think we'd get a little bit more done if you focus little less on talking, a little more on chopping.
No.
No, maybe for you.
But I'm more of a classic multi-tasker.
Dad, let me ask you something.
Do you ever wonder what it would be like if, instead of being president, you were just a cowboy or a legend? Hey, dad, what would you do if an alligator jumped out at you right now? Skip, this is a ranch in Nevada Uh-uh, too late, you just lost an arm.
Let's say a Vegas alligator escaped from the Otto Burnholtz alligator magic spectacular and is scuttling across the Mojave.
He's hot, he's tired, he's pissy, and he's going to eat you.
What do you do, dad? What do you do? You punch it in the eyes.
And then you run.
But not in a zigzag motion.
That's a myth that a lot of people have disproven with their lives.
(Whispering): Do you know what the alligator mating call is? (Weird bleating) So, either there are no alligators here, or they've recently fornicated.
But that's not how the snapping turtle thinks.
(Chainsaw starting) (Barely audible): A lot of people don't know this (Barely audible): But interestingly enough, the python is taking over the Everglades.
They estimate that Can't stop thinking about that rabbit.
For some reason, Emily wants us to remember that forever.
Guys, just try picturing a nest full of cute baby hawks with full tummies instead.
- Gross.
- Ew.
Emily: Speaking of which, you guys look hungry.
Do I hear a dinner triangle? Come and get it! Did you bring a can opener? I sure Corkscrew.
Damn it.
Emily, as the largest, I would like to ally with you now against Marigold before this devolves into a donner party situation.
We're not going to need to eat Marigold.
Steve? Hank? Thank you.
All right, soup's on.
Great.
Where are the spoons? Damn it.
It has a lot to do with pond temperature.
(Cracking) Father, look out! (Grunts) My back.
The tree was about to fall on you.
- Oh - Timber, right? Should one of us have said "timber"? (Computer dings) Hey, D.
B.
Hey, it's me, D.
B.
! Yeah, I can see you.
I had such a crazy day at the Old Navy.
My boss asked me to order extra larges, and I thought he meant more larges, which he did not mean.
So long story short: Sale on larges.
- Ha.
- But hey, hindsight's 50/50, right? Speaking of whi (Mutes sound) Yeah.
Totally hear you.
Hope you kids are all right in there.
Sorry I brought the wrong size tent.
But I'm not sorry 'cause I love it out here.
I can see Orion, and the other one Oh! Spider on my face! (Panting) Oh, spider.
Spider on my face! Ah, ah! Its foot went in my mouth.
Ah, ah.
Spider web! Oh, that was a spider web! Ah, ah! (Blows out) Mother nature! Wow.
Deep sleepers.
I'm out.
Hey, guys.
I'm just taking a break from the grandeur.
And its many Many spiders.
I'm gonna get back out there.
Don't you worry.
Any second now.
I'm gonna leave the comfort of this American-made luxury SUV and Oh, wait.
Oh, this bad boy goes all the way back.
And that is a seat warmer.
(Exhales) Wake me in four hours and throw some leaves in my hair.
(Dale groans) Owie.
How's the back, sir? Considering I was chain-sawing with Skip, it could have been a lot worse.
You look like crap, by the way.
Allergies have shut down all but my most basic systems.
(Sniffs) Anyway, I, uh, finished the Garcia speech.
Becca was actually a big help.
I brought it by in case you wanted to take a look at it.
He will do no such thing.
Papa, yesterday you guided me through my pain by showing me your world.
And today, as you recover from the injuries that I inflicted upon you, I will show you mine.
Now, would you rather visit Madison County, or take A Walk to Remember? That's really sweet, Skip, but you should be outside working through the whole Stacey thing Shh.
Shh, shh.
Don't think.
Chop.
You taught me that.
Now let me teach you.
- Let me be your Yoda.
- I don't need a Yoda.
(Imitating Yoda): Mm.
Resistant you be.
(Knocking softly) (Gasps) Why didn't you wake me? We tried, ma'am.
You made a number of profane threats.
Okay.
I know this looks bad.
Your latte, ma'am.
Thank you.
Dad, have you ever eaten fried green tomatoes? I ate like a million of them after I watched the movie, just to kind of immerse myself, and to be honest, I did not love 'em.
I liked them, did not love 'em.
I wonder why the tomatoes have to be green.
Why not just Fried tomatoes! You literally never hear about those.
Kind of weird, right? Kind of weird.
Maybe it's a flavor profile - thing, or maybe - Enough! - Please.
- Well, what? You're relentless.
Have you ever heard the expression "a little goes a long way"? I've heard that about cinnamon.
Well, you're like the cinnamon of people, and that's your problem.
You say every single thing that pops into your head.
I'm sorry.
I was upset about Stacey, I guess.
Well, get over it! I mean, is this how you act with her? It's no wonder that she doesn't want to go out with you.
And I immediately regret that I said that.
Yesterday, you taught me lessons using tough love, and today you're teaching me using no love.
So I thank you.
They say our work with ourselves is never done.
Ah! I think I hear my kettle boiling.
Skip Skip! Buddy Are you sure it's okay for you to be doing this in your Condition? My O.
B.
says it's okay, and the NRA recommends it.
- I see you survived the night.
- Yeah.
What'd you do after I passed out? I skyped with D.
B.
Oh.
How was that? Good! You okay? (Exhales) D.
B.
is great.
He really is.
He's just Not exactly who I see myself with.
You know, he's really sweet and he tries so hard.
Yeah, and I am confident enough in my heterosexuality to say that he is a fine-looking man.
I just always saw myself as being part of one of those, like, power couples who's brilliant and hyper-successful and watches documentaries, and just makes everyone else feel super-inadequate - about their own relationship.
- Don't worry.
People will totally, totally hate you guys.
You're just saying that.
Well, no point in looking back.
What happened happened.
Yep.
Hindsight is 20/20.
D.
B.
: Hello! Oh! D.
B.
! Hey! It's me, D.
B.
- Whoa, what? - What's happening, Marvin? It's Marshall.
- Well, what are you doing here? - Last night on Skype, I asked if you were gonna have trouble sleeping without your pregnancy pillow.
And you said, "uh-huh, I totally hear you.
" And I said, "do you want me to bring it to the ranch?" And you said, "uh-huh, I totally hear you.
" So, here I am.
And here it is.
Wow, that's really, really You bought a plane ticket on one-day notice? That must have cost you a fortune.
Well, I wanted my baby to be comfortable.
You, not the stomach baby.
Both.
Whoo, well! I've been cooped up on a plane for six hours.
You guys want to go for a hike? Marvin, push-up pyramid at the top of the hill! Whoo! Let's do this! Come on! Whoo! I'm not taking my shirt off.
Come on, Marvin.
Let's go! (Birds twittering) (Sighs) How'd you find me? Look, I'm sorry.
I made a mistake.
I guess I'm feeling the pressures of the job.
I didn't mean any of that.
Perhaps you shouldn't say every little thing that pops into your head.
Look, I said you were wallowing I'm the one who's wallowing.
I keep second-guessing myself about that judge thing.
It's hard to admit.
I'm afraid of being wrong.
Why don't you just go with your gut? That's what you do, right? I mean, like with Stacey.
You don't even know if she likes you.
No, there's mostly evidence to the contrary.
But you know she's the one.
Of course.
You actually make a pretty good Yoda.
Out of curiosity, who would you go with? - Hopkins, Chang, or Garcia? - Chang.
- Is it because she's Asian? - Yes.
Emily: All right, just a little further up, and then it's just a short hike back to the house.
So our phones have been near the house the whole time.
Great.
(Sighs) Just when I thought I was into this hike, Emily, you pull me back out.
All right! You know what? You're right.
Nature sucks, okay? I have got three different rashes.
A spider crawled across my face in the night.
Did it lay eggs? Who knows? Check back in nine days.
So I'm sorry.
All right? I thought we would be outside and bond and make memories.
The only memories we've made are the kind that will haunt us.
Which is on me.
Sostepmom strikes out again.
What? Dale: Hey, guys.
Listen, about before I'm sorry.
I got carried away.
Oh, totally.
I get it.
D.
B.
is the father of this baby.
I have to try and make it work.
Hey, I just want you to be happy.
So just friends, right? Of course! Otherwise This would be completely romantic.
Now, this is the kind of memory I was talking about.
(Phone ringing) My phone! And we're done.
Skip: Dad, how did you learn to stare off in the distance like that? Is it about how squinty to make your eyes? Not now, Skip.
And the President urges Congress to confirm judge Garcia quickly so she can bring her wisdom and experience to the bench (barely audible): as soon as possible.
What's up, friend-o? You better treat Stacey right, or you'll have to answer to the Cinnamon Kid.
- Are you the Cinnamon Kid? - Yes.
Yes, I am.
That's my cowboy nickname.
A little of me goes a long way.
Don't worry about it.
She broke up with me.
Oh No, I'm so sorry.
Come here.
Well, if it's any consolation, she was way too good for you.
- Huh? - Hush Don't think.
Chop.