18 to Life s01e01 Episode Script
A Modest Proposal
Ah, love.
It starts with a simple kiss.
A kiss that ignites|a fire so powerful, it threatens to engulf the|natural world within its white- Do you mind? Sorry.
I'm a romantic.
OK.
|Back to truth or dare.
We're still playing that?|I thought we were making out.
So you concede? No way! Hmm.
What is that?|Road kill? Sorry, the|answer we're looking for is what is|Jessie about to lick? You're disgusting! And you're stalling,|which would make me by definition the|winner and you- Aaaahhh.
That was unexpectedly hot.
And|gritty.
Yech.
You're up, Tom.
|Truth or dare.
Uh, dare.
Interesting strategy.
Foolish, but interesting.
Let's see.
Dressing like a|girl is always good.
But so is public|nakedness.
Uh, you made me do|that last week; longest bus ride|of my life.
Right.
|Too easy.
No.
|I need something bigger.
Something that will show me what|Tom Bellow is really made of.
I know.
I dare you to propose.
Propose|what? Propose, propose.
Score.
Excuse me? The bottle behind you,|it's returnable.
You know, I'm|kidding, right? You and me married?|As if! We'd have to come up with names for|each other, like Pumpkin or Sugar Plum and you'd get a briefcase|and you'd go to work and I'd be all "Have a great|day at work, Pumpkin and" Jessie Michelle Hill? Twelve years as|your neighbour and suddenly I can't|stop thinking about you.
This is for real.
Will you marry me? Almost had me, ha ha.
No joke, Jess.
Did you hear us? We're engaged.
Well, it's out|of the question.
We're not asking;|we're eighteen.
Which makes us adults.
Adults don't need their parents|to drive them to the movies! Or prepare a hot meal for|them every single night.
Trying to kill your mother here?|Hm? Jessie's a Gentile! We haven't been to|temple in years.
You're talking to|Rabbi Schicter.
Schecter!|Schecter! And how exactly do you expect to support|yourself there, Johnny Grown-up? I still have savings|from my Bar Mitzvah.
And we all know|Tom's a real entrepreneur.
Get your P, B|and J shooters; it's peanut butter and|jelly in a glass! I still say we should've|gone with the lemonade.
Look, Jessie.
We expect this sort|of thing from Tom.
But you are the|responsible one.
Why are you doing this to us? Because I love him? You just ended your declaration of|love for my son with a question mark.
This is completely|hypocritical.
You guys got married at|twenty-four, well eighteen? It's the new twenty-four.
You know|what else it is? Eighteen! Hey everyone, since Tom's getting|married, can I have his room? I'll take that as a yes.
Well, let's see.
When I was 24, I was|holding down three jobs, finishing my law degree and|supporting my widowed mother.
Tom, I believe on the other hand, just made|it to level two of Ninja Surfers, huh? Level three.
What is it? Level three.
Level three! I rest my case.
You know what, Jessie? You go next door and talk|to your parents, hm? Yeah.
Maybe they'll knock|some sense into you.
Aw, puppy love! That's so adorable.
Nothing like first love, huh? Yeah.
OK, three down: writer|of A Modest Proposal.
Five letters.
Um, did you hear me?|We're engaged.
Wilde.
Actually, it's not that wild.
|I love her.
No, no, no.
There's a T|As in Oscar, there.
five letters.
Guys! Jessie, what your mother|and I think is irrelevant.
Last time we checked,|you're eighteen.
That's legally an adult.
But don't you have any regrets,|concerns, nuggets of parental wisdom? Never go to sleep hungry.
Who was that? Our refugee.
Oh.
Sorry, what? From Iraq? Mom!|Dad! OK, sweetie.
Um, are you sure|that you're in love? Is this something|that you really want? Does he satisfy you in bed? Mom! Well, honey, because if|there are any issues, you're more than welcome|to borrow our Kama Sutra.
It really works.
Maybe we should go outside|and come back in again? Jessie, you know how your mother|and I feel about weddings.
They're an exercise in greed with|absolutely no real bearing on reality.
That doesn't mean we won't|respect your decision.
Thank you, Mr.
|and Mrs.
Hill.
I uh, I promise to make|your daughter happy.
Swift.
Thanks! As in Jonathan.
|Five letters.
What just happened? Breathe, Phil.
Just breathe.
You like tigers You like lions Do you think that|we can make it last? You like the bathtub And you take hot showers Do you think that|we can make it last? Yes I do; yes I do Yes I think|that we can make it last What's with my parents? Where's the worry?|The angst? The guilt? At my house taking|a Valium.
At least your parents care|enough to ask questions.
"What are you gonna do|when college starts?" "How will you get money? "Where are you gonna live? Where are we gonna live? Right now, that's the|least of our worries, OK? My dad has dialled the|Jewish up to eleven.
He's wearing a yarmulke.
Your dad's about as|Jewish as Conan O'Brien.
Yeah! He converted.
Shouldn't that|work in our favour? No.
He says we're|practically siblings.
The sibling thing kind of went out the|window when we did it behind the garage.
But|we are best friends.
I know all your secrets, how you're afraid of|moths and lost the Big V to that guy at judo.
You light candles|when you're sad.
Well, there's plenty of secrets|left to uncover.
Trust me.
Really? I'm pretty much|down to my last one.
You have a secret? No.
Maybe.
Are you sure you want to marry|the guy who made you eat mud? Actually, no.
But the guy who bought me gummy|bears after judo boy dumped me and then changed everything|with one single unreal kiss.
Him I'd consider.
Well, the worst is over.
At least our friends|will be happy for us.
No! No, no, no, no! We're engaged, Carter, not|gunned down by enemy fire.
People marry at eighteen|all over the world.
Right, Marisa? You're right, Cupcake and some day many of|those villages will have running water.
You don't know|what you're in for.
Have you ever bought|a chick tampons? Does he even|know about Uh, Tom, buddy.
Don't tell the girls this but you need|to have sex with a lot of other women.
OK, you guys do realize that we're|all sitting here together, right? There's no split screen?|It's not Grease.
We're just trying to help.
OK, this engagement is a destroyer|of awesome future memories, most of which|involve nudity.
Oh my God, that's it.
Our cupcake is knocked up! Whoa.
|No one's cupcake is knocked up.
We're in love.
I'm in love with my new patent leather|handbag, but I'm not gonna marry it.
What about the summer? Our road trip to go see|the White Stripes? I can't now, buddy.
I want to make this|work, you know? I love her.
Yeah, that's right!|I love her.
Yeah, I love the way this|girl hums when she studies and the little dimples she|gets when she smiles.
Yes, I, Tom Bellow, declare that I|will proudly buy this lady tampons! Nothing? Well, I wish this|was a split screen.
OK, you got to|me, Honeybear.
Thank you.
Now if only that tampon speech|would work on Tom's dad.
Your dad's OK with it? Actually, yeah.
Oldest trick in|the book, sweetie.
Sic one dad on the other.
You're good.
It's what I do.
I thought you were|your mother.
Scooch over.
Uh huh.
Any jerky left? Mm hm.
Shh!|Dad! If Mom catches us eating dead|animal, she'll skin us alive.
Last one.
Tom's parents are crazy.
His dad especially; he's doing|everything he can to pry us apart.
Is it working? Well, if he's trying to make us|want this more than ever, yes.
You want me to speak to Ben.
I'll owe you two teriyakis|and a honey garlic.
No way; this is Ben.
You'll have to throw|in some blood sausage.
You're onto blood sausage? Oooh, it's a slippery slope.
You know, they grow twice as|fast when you cut them back.
I believe that is|an urban myth.
Works with the|hedges down below.
Hey!|Here's something.
What the hell do|you want, Phil? I want what you want or don't|want, if you catch my drift.
A man whose idea of|curfew is before sunrise suddenly grows some|parental backbone.
What gives? Listen very carefully, Ben.
If we're gonna end this|engagement, we need to talk.
If marrying the random girl next|door was our plan for Tom, we probably would've moved|to a better neighbourhood.
And if indentured servitude was|part of our plan for Jessie, we'd have moved back into|the eighteen hundreds.
So there! We're in agreement for the|first time since the garbage strike.
Oh, I supported the strike.
Well, you're an idiot.
Boys, please! Tara.
If you and Phil|are against this, then why didn't you do|something about it? In a situation like this, Judith,|you can do one of two things: you can either sit back and play it cool|or you can throw gas onto the flames.
Oh, stay tuned for another thinly-veiled|lecture on global warming.
Dude!|Relax.
If we just cut the kids some slack,|this whole thing's gonna blow over.
We're not going to just stand by and watch|our only son be ripped from our arms! We have big plans|for Tom.
Hey, we're|down with that.
At his age, he should|be traipsing the globe with nothing more than a|backpack and a beer bong.
I was talking about college.
I'm gonna punch him.
Look, we're all on|the same side here.
We hate marriage, too.
Who hates marriage? We don't hate marriage.
You're married! No, we're not married.
OK, we're done here, Judith.
|Come on.
Ben, sit! Phil!|Can it! All right.
The Hills don't|believe in marriage and we don't believe|in this marriage, then at least we're|on common ground.
Exactly.
And I say that we let them marry|the hell out of each other.
We give them everything|they want and more.
I like it.
They're expecting us to fold.
Instead, we double down.
Yeah.
We don't believe|in gambling either.
OK, seriously; I'm|gonna punch him.
Wakey wakey! Natural Bride.
Something Borrowed.
Eco-Spouse? I thought you hated weddings.
Hate is such an|ugly word, Jessie.
Not inaccurate,|but ugly.
Am I being|punked? The truth is, honey, I've been|guilty of the worst sin of all.
Bacon? Envy.
Oh, sweetie.
I just want you to have|what I've never had.
A white hemp dress.
A bouquet of wild flowers.
A handsome man that you're tied to|by a legal and binding contract till the day you take your|last sour breath of air.
Who wants a wedding? I see you brought|in reinforcements.
What do you|mean, sweetie? I know how this works, OK? You bring in the big sister from downtown;|get her to talk some sense into me.
I know exactly what|you're gonna say, Monica.
I think it's wonderful.
Oh.
Well, I know what|you're gonna say next.
And go.
So when are you gonna pull|the trigger, Tom-bit? Uhhh Next spring? Why wait till next year, Tom? Your mother and I got married|in the fall, didn't we? Lovely time of year.
Oh yeah.
Is this 67|Henderson Avenue? Something's going on.
You think? My sister made me try|on my dad's tux and said I|looked "juicy".
My dad is on his fourth draft of|the father of the bride speech.
I'm warning you now, the|jokes are not good.
Everyone does a complete|one-eighty overnight? It's almost as if They talked? They talked and now|they're toying with us.
Are we being paranoid? Your sister called you "juicy".
Right.
|OK.
Let's not panic.
No, we're gonna handle|this like mature adults.
Let go of me!|Ow! Let go! I don't know anything! Liar! Your face is red|and you're stuttering! That's because|you're choking me.
Oh no, this is choking.
Agh! OK! They're calling your bluff.
So they're opening|up their wallets.
How wide? I've already said too much.
OK.
OK, we are gonna|play this cool.
Don't let on we know.
You know what this|means, don't you? It's really gonna happen.
You and me.
|Hitched.
Yeah, that's great.
Baby's first lie;|I'm so proud.
What was I supposed|to say, Carter? That I was suddenly hit with the possibility|of it actually happening and I choked? I thought that's|what you wanted.
It is.
It is, it's just it's|It's all happening so fast.
See that's what happens when a proposal|is based on a game of truth or dare.
I just want this|wedding to slow down.
But I can't tell her that,|because then I lose face.
Well?|You've come to the right guy.
See, you put your cards on the|table with that engagement.
But the parents, they raised.
Clever.
But they don't know that|you know that they know.
So they won't be prepared|for your next move.
And that is? You go all in.
Hey, Tom.
Just going over the|guest list here.
Did I mention Auntie|Goldie's coming? I know how much you|love her wet kisses.
You bet! But I hope we're inviting|all the cousins, too.
Oh, second, third|and twice-removed.
Now, you know, we can't invite|anyone until we set a date.
So you were saying spring? Well, I was thinking about what|you guys were saying earlier and uh, maybe the|fall is better.
October, perhaps.
Huh.
A little chilly,|don't you think? Yeah.
How about September?|The colours are breath-taking.
Well, if we're talking|September, how aboutAugust.
A summer wedding is|good luck.
Next Sunday it is!|We'll have it in our back yard! Too bad.
There's not|going to be enough room for all the Gentiles|Jessie's inviting.
Well, here's a thought.
Since the Hills and us|are in this together let's tear down|that fence.
I'll get the toolbox.
You don't even|care about what I think.
It's what you think|that always matters.
When it comes to loving me,|you have it your way.
I am persuaded, that|makes me madder.
But when night comes around I|get your kisses so sweet.
Your golden hair is|longer than mine.
I have never met a creature|from your planet.
Oh, baby,|you're a crazy guy.
So what if it's a dare;|I know it's real, but I can't do it because I|have a secret I can't tell and if I don't, I'm living a lie|and I cannot be living a lie because that's just not who I am and what if|it's all just a terrible, terrible mistake? So?|What do you think? Are we too young to marry? My bride was fourteen.
We met at the wedding.
But when night comes around I|get your kisses so sweet.
Your golden hair is|longer than mine.
I have never met a|creature from your planet.
I have never met a|creature from your planet.
I have never met a|creature from your planet.
Oh, baby,|you're a crazy guy.
Jessie, wait.
The wedding's Sunday, Tom.
You could've been quicker|on the bat signal.
Jessie.
I do have a secret and I'd|just rather you know now than later.
I'm so glad you said that.
There's something I|have to tell you, too.
Yeah, and whatever we say,|it doesn't matter, right? I mean, I know you peed your pants in Mrs.
|Gall's class.
Thanks for the reminder.
Yeah, but I'm still|crazy about you.
Nothing you can say|can change that.
So who goes first? Both at the same time.
OK.
One, two I fart in my sleep.
|I slept with Carter.
What? I mean, not just now.
A while ago.
Have you tried|eating less dairy? So, Carter is Judo Boy.
It happened two years ago.
I'm totally over it.
Kinda weird without|the fence, huh.
Tom, say something.
Maybe a fence is just a fence and a dare|is just a dare.
So what do you want to do? I think the answer's|pretty clear.
Elvis sings: There's|a 24-hour chapel That doesn't have any seats I saw you walk|down the aisle Hey everyone?|We have an announcement.
I know a lot of you|worked really hard on this so this is|tough to say.
The wedding's off.
Jessie and I had a real trial|by fire yesterday and we learned something.
Fire's hot.
So that's why we went to|City Hall this morning.
Say hello to my wife.
It starts with a simple kiss.
A kiss that ignites|a fire so powerful, it threatens to engulf the|natural world within its white- Do you mind? Sorry.
I'm a romantic.
OK.
|Back to truth or dare.
We're still playing that?|I thought we were making out.
So you concede? No way! Hmm.
What is that?|Road kill? Sorry, the|answer we're looking for is what is|Jessie about to lick? You're disgusting! And you're stalling,|which would make me by definition the|winner and you- Aaaahhh.
That was unexpectedly hot.
And|gritty.
Yech.
You're up, Tom.
|Truth or dare.
Uh, dare.
Interesting strategy.
Foolish, but interesting.
Let's see.
Dressing like a|girl is always good.
But so is public|nakedness.
Uh, you made me do|that last week; longest bus ride|of my life.
Right.
|Too easy.
No.
|I need something bigger.
Something that will show me what|Tom Bellow is really made of.
I know.
I dare you to propose.
Propose|what? Propose, propose.
Score.
Excuse me? The bottle behind you,|it's returnable.
You know, I'm|kidding, right? You and me married?|As if! We'd have to come up with names for|each other, like Pumpkin or Sugar Plum and you'd get a briefcase|and you'd go to work and I'd be all "Have a great|day at work, Pumpkin and" Jessie Michelle Hill? Twelve years as|your neighbour and suddenly I can't|stop thinking about you.
This is for real.
Will you marry me? Almost had me, ha ha.
No joke, Jess.
Did you hear us? We're engaged.
Well, it's out|of the question.
We're not asking;|we're eighteen.
Which makes us adults.
Adults don't need their parents|to drive them to the movies! Or prepare a hot meal for|them every single night.
Trying to kill your mother here?|Hm? Jessie's a Gentile! We haven't been to|temple in years.
You're talking to|Rabbi Schicter.
Schecter!|Schecter! And how exactly do you expect to support|yourself there, Johnny Grown-up? I still have savings|from my Bar Mitzvah.
And we all know|Tom's a real entrepreneur.
Get your P, B|and J shooters; it's peanut butter and|jelly in a glass! I still say we should've|gone with the lemonade.
Look, Jessie.
We expect this sort|of thing from Tom.
But you are the|responsible one.
Why are you doing this to us? Because I love him? You just ended your declaration of|love for my son with a question mark.
This is completely|hypocritical.
You guys got married at|twenty-four, well eighteen? It's the new twenty-four.
You know|what else it is? Eighteen! Hey everyone, since Tom's getting|married, can I have his room? I'll take that as a yes.
Well, let's see.
When I was 24, I was|holding down three jobs, finishing my law degree and|supporting my widowed mother.
Tom, I believe on the other hand, just made|it to level two of Ninja Surfers, huh? Level three.
What is it? Level three.
Level three! I rest my case.
You know what, Jessie? You go next door and talk|to your parents, hm? Yeah.
Maybe they'll knock|some sense into you.
Aw, puppy love! That's so adorable.
Nothing like first love, huh? Yeah.
OK, three down: writer|of A Modest Proposal.
Five letters.
Um, did you hear me?|We're engaged.
Wilde.
Actually, it's not that wild.
|I love her.
No, no, no.
There's a T|As in Oscar, there.
five letters.
Guys! Jessie, what your mother|and I think is irrelevant.
Last time we checked,|you're eighteen.
That's legally an adult.
But don't you have any regrets,|concerns, nuggets of parental wisdom? Never go to sleep hungry.
Who was that? Our refugee.
Oh.
Sorry, what? From Iraq? Mom!|Dad! OK, sweetie.
Um, are you sure|that you're in love? Is this something|that you really want? Does he satisfy you in bed? Mom! Well, honey, because if|there are any issues, you're more than welcome|to borrow our Kama Sutra.
It really works.
Maybe we should go outside|and come back in again? Jessie, you know how your mother|and I feel about weddings.
They're an exercise in greed with|absolutely no real bearing on reality.
That doesn't mean we won't|respect your decision.
Thank you, Mr.
|and Mrs.
Hill.
I uh, I promise to make|your daughter happy.
Swift.
Thanks! As in Jonathan.
|Five letters.
What just happened? Breathe, Phil.
Just breathe.
You like tigers You like lions Do you think that|we can make it last? You like the bathtub And you take hot showers Do you think that|we can make it last? Yes I do; yes I do Yes I think|that we can make it last What's with my parents? Where's the worry?|The angst? The guilt? At my house taking|a Valium.
At least your parents care|enough to ask questions.
"What are you gonna do|when college starts?" "How will you get money? "Where are you gonna live? Where are we gonna live? Right now, that's the|least of our worries, OK? My dad has dialled the|Jewish up to eleven.
He's wearing a yarmulke.
Your dad's about as|Jewish as Conan O'Brien.
Yeah! He converted.
Shouldn't that|work in our favour? No.
He says we're|practically siblings.
The sibling thing kind of went out the|window when we did it behind the garage.
But|we are best friends.
I know all your secrets, how you're afraid of|moths and lost the Big V to that guy at judo.
You light candles|when you're sad.
Well, there's plenty of secrets|left to uncover.
Trust me.
Really? I'm pretty much|down to my last one.
You have a secret? No.
Maybe.
Are you sure you want to marry|the guy who made you eat mud? Actually, no.
But the guy who bought me gummy|bears after judo boy dumped me and then changed everything|with one single unreal kiss.
Him I'd consider.
Well, the worst is over.
At least our friends|will be happy for us.
No! No, no, no, no! We're engaged, Carter, not|gunned down by enemy fire.
People marry at eighteen|all over the world.
Right, Marisa? You're right, Cupcake and some day many of|those villages will have running water.
You don't know|what you're in for.
Have you ever bought|a chick tampons? Does he even|know about Uh, Tom, buddy.
Don't tell the girls this but you need|to have sex with a lot of other women.
OK, you guys do realize that we're|all sitting here together, right? There's no split screen?|It's not Grease.
We're just trying to help.
OK, this engagement is a destroyer|of awesome future memories, most of which|involve nudity.
Oh my God, that's it.
Our cupcake is knocked up! Whoa.
|No one's cupcake is knocked up.
We're in love.
I'm in love with my new patent leather|handbag, but I'm not gonna marry it.
What about the summer? Our road trip to go see|the White Stripes? I can't now, buddy.
I want to make this|work, you know? I love her.
Yeah, that's right!|I love her.
Yeah, I love the way this|girl hums when she studies and the little dimples she|gets when she smiles.
Yes, I, Tom Bellow, declare that I|will proudly buy this lady tampons! Nothing? Well, I wish this|was a split screen.
OK, you got to|me, Honeybear.
Thank you.
Now if only that tampon speech|would work on Tom's dad.
Your dad's OK with it? Actually, yeah.
Oldest trick in|the book, sweetie.
Sic one dad on the other.
You're good.
It's what I do.
I thought you were|your mother.
Scooch over.
Uh huh.
Any jerky left? Mm hm.
Shh!|Dad! If Mom catches us eating dead|animal, she'll skin us alive.
Last one.
Tom's parents are crazy.
His dad especially; he's doing|everything he can to pry us apart.
Is it working? Well, if he's trying to make us|want this more than ever, yes.
You want me to speak to Ben.
I'll owe you two teriyakis|and a honey garlic.
No way; this is Ben.
You'll have to throw|in some blood sausage.
You're onto blood sausage? Oooh, it's a slippery slope.
You know, they grow twice as|fast when you cut them back.
I believe that is|an urban myth.
Works with the|hedges down below.
Hey!|Here's something.
What the hell do|you want, Phil? I want what you want or don't|want, if you catch my drift.
A man whose idea of|curfew is before sunrise suddenly grows some|parental backbone.
What gives? Listen very carefully, Ben.
If we're gonna end this|engagement, we need to talk.
If marrying the random girl next|door was our plan for Tom, we probably would've moved|to a better neighbourhood.
And if indentured servitude was|part of our plan for Jessie, we'd have moved back into|the eighteen hundreds.
So there! We're in agreement for the|first time since the garbage strike.
Oh, I supported the strike.
Well, you're an idiot.
Boys, please! Tara.
If you and Phil|are against this, then why didn't you do|something about it? In a situation like this, Judith,|you can do one of two things: you can either sit back and play it cool|or you can throw gas onto the flames.
Oh, stay tuned for another thinly-veiled|lecture on global warming.
Dude!|Relax.
If we just cut the kids some slack,|this whole thing's gonna blow over.
We're not going to just stand by and watch|our only son be ripped from our arms! We have big plans|for Tom.
Hey, we're|down with that.
At his age, he should|be traipsing the globe with nothing more than a|backpack and a beer bong.
I was talking about college.
I'm gonna punch him.
Look, we're all on|the same side here.
We hate marriage, too.
Who hates marriage? We don't hate marriage.
You're married! No, we're not married.
OK, we're done here, Judith.
|Come on.
Ben, sit! Phil!|Can it! All right.
The Hills don't|believe in marriage and we don't believe|in this marriage, then at least we're|on common ground.
Exactly.
And I say that we let them marry|the hell out of each other.
We give them everything|they want and more.
I like it.
They're expecting us to fold.
Instead, we double down.
Yeah.
We don't believe|in gambling either.
OK, seriously; I'm|gonna punch him.
Wakey wakey! Natural Bride.
Something Borrowed.
Eco-Spouse? I thought you hated weddings.
Hate is such an|ugly word, Jessie.
Not inaccurate,|but ugly.
Am I being|punked? The truth is, honey, I've been|guilty of the worst sin of all.
Bacon? Envy.
Oh, sweetie.
I just want you to have|what I've never had.
A white hemp dress.
A bouquet of wild flowers.
A handsome man that you're tied to|by a legal and binding contract till the day you take your|last sour breath of air.
Who wants a wedding? I see you brought|in reinforcements.
What do you|mean, sweetie? I know how this works, OK? You bring in the big sister from downtown;|get her to talk some sense into me.
I know exactly what|you're gonna say, Monica.
I think it's wonderful.
Oh.
Well, I know what|you're gonna say next.
And go.
So when are you gonna pull|the trigger, Tom-bit? Uhhh Next spring? Why wait till next year, Tom? Your mother and I got married|in the fall, didn't we? Lovely time of year.
Oh yeah.
Is this 67|Henderson Avenue? Something's going on.
You think? My sister made me try|on my dad's tux and said I|looked "juicy".
My dad is on his fourth draft of|the father of the bride speech.
I'm warning you now, the|jokes are not good.
Everyone does a complete|one-eighty overnight? It's almost as if They talked? They talked and now|they're toying with us.
Are we being paranoid? Your sister called you "juicy".
Right.
|OK.
Let's not panic.
No, we're gonna handle|this like mature adults.
Let go of me!|Ow! Let go! I don't know anything! Liar! Your face is red|and you're stuttering! That's because|you're choking me.
Oh no, this is choking.
Agh! OK! They're calling your bluff.
So they're opening|up their wallets.
How wide? I've already said too much.
OK.
OK, we are gonna|play this cool.
Don't let on we know.
You know what this|means, don't you? It's really gonna happen.
You and me.
|Hitched.
Yeah, that's great.
Baby's first lie;|I'm so proud.
What was I supposed|to say, Carter? That I was suddenly hit with the possibility|of it actually happening and I choked? I thought that's|what you wanted.
It is.
It is, it's just it's|It's all happening so fast.
See that's what happens when a proposal|is based on a game of truth or dare.
I just want this|wedding to slow down.
But I can't tell her that,|because then I lose face.
Well?|You've come to the right guy.
See, you put your cards on the|table with that engagement.
But the parents, they raised.
Clever.
But they don't know that|you know that they know.
So they won't be prepared|for your next move.
And that is? You go all in.
Hey, Tom.
Just going over the|guest list here.
Did I mention Auntie|Goldie's coming? I know how much you|love her wet kisses.
You bet! But I hope we're inviting|all the cousins, too.
Oh, second, third|and twice-removed.
Now, you know, we can't invite|anyone until we set a date.
So you were saying spring? Well, I was thinking about what|you guys were saying earlier and uh, maybe the|fall is better.
October, perhaps.
Huh.
A little chilly,|don't you think? Yeah.
How about September?|The colours are breath-taking.
Well, if we're talking|September, how aboutAugust.
A summer wedding is|good luck.
Next Sunday it is!|We'll have it in our back yard! Too bad.
There's not|going to be enough room for all the Gentiles|Jessie's inviting.
Well, here's a thought.
Since the Hills and us|are in this together let's tear down|that fence.
I'll get the toolbox.
You don't even|care about what I think.
It's what you think|that always matters.
When it comes to loving me,|you have it your way.
I am persuaded, that|makes me madder.
But when night comes around I|get your kisses so sweet.
Your golden hair is|longer than mine.
I have never met a creature|from your planet.
Oh, baby,|you're a crazy guy.
So what if it's a dare;|I know it's real, but I can't do it because I|have a secret I can't tell and if I don't, I'm living a lie|and I cannot be living a lie because that's just not who I am and what if|it's all just a terrible, terrible mistake? So?|What do you think? Are we too young to marry? My bride was fourteen.
We met at the wedding.
But when night comes around I|get your kisses so sweet.
Your golden hair is|longer than mine.
I have never met a|creature from your planet.
I have never met a|creature from your planet.
I have never met a|creature from your planet.
Oh, baby,|you're a crazy guy.
Jessie, wait.
The wedding's Sunday, Tom.
You could've been quicker|on the bat signal.
Jessie.
I do have a secret and I'd|just rather you know now than later.
I'm so glad you said that.
There's something I|have to tell you, too.
Yeah, and whatever we say,|it doesn't matter, right? I mean, I know you peed your pants in Mrs.
|Gall's class.
Thanks for the reminder.
Yeah, but I'm still|crazy about you.
Nothing you can say|can change that.
So who goes first? Both at the same time.
OK.
One, two I fart in my sleep.
|I slept with Carter.
What? I mean, not just now.
A while ago.
Have you tried|eating less dairy? So, Carter is Judo Boy.
It happened two years ago.
I'm totally over it.
Kinda weird without|the fence, huh.
Tom, say something.
Maybe a fence is just a fence and a dare|is just a dare.
So what do you want to do? I think the answer's|pretty clear.
Elvis sings: There's|a 24-hour chapel That doesn't have any seats I saw you walk|down the aisle Hey everyone?|We have an announcement.
I know a lot of you|worked really hard on this so this is|tough to say.
The wedding's off.
Jessie and I had a real trial|by fire yesterday and we learned something.
Fire's hot.
So that's why we went to|City Hall this morning.
Say hello to my wife.