21 Jump Street s01e02 Episode Script

1 Aaah! Aah! Aah! Aah! Shut up! Shut up! What do what do you want?! Ask your little no-collar choirboy, huh? - Oh! - You owe me 6 grand.
Oh! Kenny, do you know these boys? Look, guys, I'll get it! I just need more time.
Keep him away from me, huh? I feel like a child molester.
Oh! Oh, nice work, kid.
The department's got an undercover program.
Every year, the department takes younger-looking officers At least, the younger-looking ones we think can handle the pressure.
Teach them how to be teenagers again.
Then we send them out to various high schools where we can use a good man undercover.
No, thanks.
Either this or I assign you to a desk at Parker center until you look old enough to be a cop.
This is not a real impressive completion record, Bauer.
Seems like, at wilcox high, you threw a lot of interceptions.
Come on, waxer! Leave me alone, man! You're gonna like it here at Amherst, boy.
You're gonna like it a lot if you like dying.
We never thought of finding A place where we belong Don't have to stand alone We'll never let you fall Don't need permission To decide what you believe You're gonna learn something When we meet you after school I said, jump Down on jump street I said, jump Down on jump street Your friends will be there When your back is to the wall You'll find you need us 'Cause there's no one else to call When it looks hopeless A decision's what you need You better be ready 'cause you're running out of time I said, jump 21 jump street! Kyle rote, baby, New York giants! Break runner! Guys, can we talk? Open! Pinhole! Go get 'em! Touchdown! All right! Guys, look, I'd really like to get down to Always kicked like this when he ran Kyle rote.
I used to imitate it when I would play in high school.
You looking for a face, man? Ugh! Guys, can we get down to business here? Aaah! Ugh! Guys, I'd really like to take care of this.
Huh? Well, according to procedure, I'm supposed to debrief.
"Procedure"? Hey, man, I hate that word.
Sounds, uh, republican or something.
I am a republican.
Yeah, figures.
Okay, time's up, gang.
Bet this is the only precinct in the department - that has recess.
- Whoo! Consider it a break, buddy.
15 years ago, I had everybody meditate for an hour.
Okay, buckaroos, let's tell jenko daddy-o what went down at the schoolhouse today.
In case anybody's baby gets constipated? You wish, man.
The stuff hasn't even taken its first step.
I thought Parker center wasn't gonna front you the buying money till Thursday.
Bureaucracy waits for no junkie, jenk.
And I got 2 large out of hoffs' reserve.
And the suspect in question let me take the rest of it under my arm.
I mean, this guy's not too bright.
Good going, Harry.
I'll file a warrant in the morning.
We'll pick the creep up.
- And I share the collar, right? - What? Hey, tojo, it was my 2 grand.
Hanson, you stay out of trouble today? Notes? What are you, like, related to Steve garvey? 6:45 A.
M.
, reported to jump street to headquarters for roll call.
Captain jenko I think we got all that part, hanson.
We were there, too, remember? Arrived Amherst high school at 8:37 and immediately had an altercation with one Tyrell Thompson.
Altercation took place over proprietorship of a parking spot.
No shots fired.
Oh, good thing, hanson.
You didn't have a gun.
Thompson is commonly known as waxer.
He's a repeat offender.
I got that from juvenile.
- They know all about him.
- Hmm.
And I'm almost certain that waxer is one of the suspects from that 211 that officer donegan and I investigated last week.
1-Adam-12, 1-Adam-12.
211, go to heaven.
415, if you know what I mean.
Get to the point! One of the victims, a Kenneth weckerle, is a student at Amherst.
Was observed by this officer being extorted by Tyrell Thompson.
I think that means "squeezed.
" Well, apparently, weckerle owes Thompson a lot of money.
For what? That's what he's gonna find out, sweet britches.
Yeah, and I can't believe it's a coincidence that I was put into the same school that Kenny weckerle goes to.
No, I tend to doubt it, too, hanson Unless you think I just got off tour with the monkees or something.
Of course it wasn't an accident.
I thought it would be time for you to cool out for a while Not go in there and start rousting everybody in study hall.
Well, if Kenny would have made me as a cop, it would have blown both the case and my cover.
Hey, man, never happen.
Nah.
Look, you and ioki put a 24-hour stakeout on this kid.
And Harry, I guess, you'd better take your car.
Right.
So Kenny wecker, wanker, what's-it doesn't recognize your hot-shot '68 in the school parking lot.
- Comprende? - Oh.
Okay, class dismissed.
Man, you know, I learned how to speak English by watching dragnet in reruns, right? And I used to think that a "stakeout" was what you did to get a sirloin to go.
And don't ask me what I thought "assume the position" meant.
Man, I hate this.
I don't know.
We're in the field.
You know, I kind of enjoy it.
Yeah, you would.
You're all cop, aren't you? Like your old man.
You know, I heard he was pretty hot.
He won the medal of valor and everything.
What did he win it for? Getting killed.
Lock the doors, ignore the kids And look the other way That's just the way we live our lives in this day and age We all are prisoners, watching our world decline God only help us While we're living it up on borrowed time We're not gonna change We just find someone else to blame What a shame, what a shame, what a shame, what a shame Oh oh oh Father, mother Some collar The kid's a newspaper boy.
I don't believe it.
The little jerk's doing smash-and-grabs.
All right, time to goose the deuce.
That's just the way of the world We all deny it, but who's gonna fight it? That's just the way of the That's just the way of the world Go easy, ioki.
I think we're just supposed to follow him.
It's a 459, and I need the collar.
Hoffs got half of my last one.
Always tellin' me what to say I'm gonna get by On life, Liberty, and the pursuit of lifetime time Hey, hey Mother, father, sister, and brother That's just the way of the world Modern healers, feelers, and dealers That's just the way of the world Oh, oh, oh Pull over, ioki, it's one of ours! Man, but he's getting away! That's just the way of the That's just the way of the world Yeah, yeah Hey, hey, hey Okay, buster, get your hands where I can see them and freeze! Wait a minute.
Don't shoot! I'm a cop! Says who? Says me.
Hanson.
I should have known.
I didn't recognize you without the bandage on your partner's nose.
The meter, or the rhyme, if you will, of a well-written sentence gives us, the writer, the poetic platform to, in fact, launch the literary passion that we, the writers, intend.
Can anyone tell me another reason we might choose to diagram a sentence? Anyone? Just raise your hand, raise your hand.
Uh Uh David gobal? Huh? Good morning, Mr.
gobal.
Might you tell the rest of the class another reason why we might want to learn how to diagram a sentence? So you can draw a salary? I'll take that, Mr.
Bauer.
I'm sure the rest of the class here is breathless with interest concerning your liaison.
Read it aloud.
Come on, man.
It's personal.
I'm not your "man," Mr.
Bauer.
Read it, or get ready for extra innings with Mr.
shaffer.
"Dear tom, I hope you're enjoying Mr.
lamb's lecture" "on diagramming sentences as much as I am.
" "If you need any study help, I'll be glad" "Hi.
My name is Wendy, and I love to party.
"I'll meet you after school.
If you have a car, just tell me where it's at.
" Oh, brilliantly written, miss byers.
No, brilliant.
But in my classroom, we like to refrain from ending a sentence with a preposition.
"If you have a car, just tell me where it's at"? Help her out, Mr.
Bauer.
It's in the student lot, a blue '68 mustang.
With the prepositional problem at the end of the sentence, genius.
For example If you were to ask me, 'cause you're new here at school Where the cafeteria is at, how would you ask it properly? "Where's the cafeteria at, schmo?" I have been filled in on your potential as a problem here at Amherst.
So, in my own way, I'd like to contribute to your rehabilitation.
Instead of giving that wise mouth of yours a week's detention, I prefer a more civil approach.
Welcome to the drama club.
I'm going to be directing rip Van winkle this year.
And if you don't come out for the school play, I'm sure I can get Jake shaffer to assign you a more barbaric reprisal.
Look, Wendy, I think you're nice and all, but Thanks.
My mom thinks I'm a tramp.
So, I like guys.
I mean, big deal.
It's normal.
Like, I got a lot of hormonal activity going on in my glands or something.
So she makes me watch all these things on public TV You know, about teenage pregnancy and venereal disease.
And, like, I don't do that.
Except I have this friend I won't tell you her name.
Well, okay, okay, so, it's Sheila.
And anyway, she thought, like, that she had herpes, but it was just a cold sore.
But a cold sore, that's like herpes, right? Absolutely.
Same.
Do you really have a mustang? Yeah.
That is so hot.
Where did you get it? It was my dad's.
Mine drives a Chrysler.
Yours must be really cool.
Yeah, he was.
Look, Wendy, uh, I I already, uh Have a girlfriend.
Lucky girl.
Who? Your girlfriend.
You're a great kisser.
Yeah, well, I didn't want you to go through life without at least one, you know? Hey, pal.
That's my girlfriend.
Lucky guy.
She's a great kisser.
For this year's school dramatic presentation, I have selected rip Van winkle.
My fellow thespians, rip Van winkle is an American classic.
I ain't no "thesbian," Mr.
lamb.
No way, man, you're a homo.
All right, class Glad that you can make it, Mr.
Bauer.
Oh, yeah, I got hung up with rona Barrett.
After this, she figures I'm gonna be bigger than Paul Newman.
Oh, in that case, maybe I should give you the lead.
No.
Kidding.
Fortunately for Washington Irving, so was I.
Kenny Kenny! If you would Could you please read through the play with butch Cassidy here? Kenny weckerle, tom Bauer.
This play stinks! Can't we do something with "death" in the title? All right, class, uh-oh.
What are you, a hypnotist? - Quit staring, huh? - Yeah.
Where do you want to start? I I don't know.
I don't know the play.
You're lucky.
The thing could cure an insomniac.
Hey, do I know you? No.
I'm new.
No, I know I know you, man.
No, you couldn't.
See, I'm from wilcox.
Yeah, I do.
You used to date my sister.
Half the guys at wilcox have.
Kind of skinny, a real brat? Noreen? Got one of them sid vicious haircuts like yours? Oh, yeah, Noreen.
Yeah, nice girl.
Wait till you live with her.
- Hey, need a ride home? - No.
Come on, it's no problem.
What are you, a priest? I don't need a ride.
Hey, are you all right? Is something wrong or something? Who wants to know? - Forget it.
- Exactly.
- Hi.
- Hi.
I don't want any more trouble with your boyfriend, okay? Oh, he's not my boyfriend.
I just go out with him.
- Really? - Yeah.
Okay.
I'm sorry I got to tell you this.
You know your friend Sheila? Uhhuh.
It was me who gave her the cold sore.
I like you and all, but it would be unfair if I didn't tell you, I think I'm a carrier.
- Really? - Yeah.
Wounded in action during the sexual revolution.
But I'll give you a call when it goes into remission.
Hey, look, I kind of already have a boyfriend.
Let's just be friends, okay? Okay.
Yuck.
Come on, boy.
Your daddy's jag was just the interest.
I need you to pay the whole tab.
Look, man, I'm working on it, I told you.
You better work on it faster.
This bank's got a steep rate.
Leave him alone.
Look, man, this is none of your problem.
Just get out of here, all right? But his problem is some of mine.
I've been waiting for you, boy.
- Leave him alone.
- You'd best chill.
This square is a business associate of mine.
Would you shut up about that?! Start worrying about yourself.
I'm gonna cut you a lesson now, boy.
Come on, get some of this.
You bad.
Come on.
Hey! Get out of here! What the hell is going on here? I told you two punks about this! Hey, relax, Mr.
shaffer.
Me and my new buddy was just playing the dozens.
That true? Oh, yeah.
The guy's a real buddy.
Hey, buddy, I'll call you later.
Please do.
You know I will.
Don't try pulling waxer off side, Bauer.
He's a killer.
Is he? Shazam, captain marvel.
How did you get this so fast? An old friend of my dad's runs the night shift down at records and I.
D.
S, so I got up early and had him pull the file.
A little extra credit, huh? Good licks, bub.
Listen to this In the last six weeks, there have been 15459s in the same area, all between 4:00 and 6:00 A.
M.
I thought for sure Kenny weckerle was involved in drugs, but now it looks more like a burglary ring.
Maybe.
But then where does this waxer guy fit in? I mean, he's playing the kid pretty hard.
Tried to beat him up.
Ripped off his old man's car.
I still think we should pick Kenny up and book him.
Ioki and I can make a pretty good case I.
D.
'D him at the scene and everything.
Oh, wait a minute.
Here's the deal.
We'll keep an eye on scooter wank weckerle.
You stick with waxer.
I mean, it just seems to me, it'd take a lot more than a bunch of hot watches and cameras to pay for that Ferrari he's driving.
Well, see you at the schoolhouse, son.
No life, no love, don't know no one Hey, waxer! Waxer.
No drugs, no vice Hey, waxer! No tolerance, no more, no way No Hey, ray ray.
The clarinet player is here.
What's up? You don't like rap music? This better not be my dad's car.
No, boy, it's what's left of your daddy's car.
Ray ray got 3 grand for the motor and tranny alone.
Yeah, well, you're not pawning this! This belonged to my dad.
Don't push it.
You owe me the difference for the rest of that car.
I don't owe you nothing.
We're square now, right? Even? You can never get even, boy.
But this sure does improve the t.
R.
W.
Hey, what's up with this guy, huh? I mean, first, we follow him from his house, right, then through some dump.
And now what he's hungry? I'm going in there.
Now, look, waxer comes out, hit the horn twice and then follow him, okay? Hey, wait a minute, man.
Since when are you in charge of this mission? Since I'm the one undercover at Amherst.
But you're right.
I'm sorry, brother.
What do you want to do? I don't want to hit the horn twice.
It's broken.
What a surprise.
You're late.
Maybe you're early.
- You got the stuff? - Relax, Ace.
It's in my trunk.
How about some champagne? Sir? Oh, uh, give me a draft.
We don't serve draft.
Okay, then give me a light.
Come on, cisco, we've all seen the ad.
Bud light, okay.
How about some I.
D.
, Jack? This is all the I.
D.
I need unless you want me to report this dump to the alcoholic beverage commission, see about pulling your license.
- Uh, bud light? - Right.
Handshake, huh? Go.
Police emergency! Officer tom hanson! Let me guess Follow that car? - That's right.
- Forget it.
What?! This is police business! Let's roll! Take a bus.
Hey, pal, it's in my jurisdictional right to commandeer this taxicab! Commandeer this, pal.
Keep the Porsche in sight, the other half is yours.
I'll fix the ticket.
Ooh.
Anything you say, commander.
Hold on.
You wouldn't be related to a guy named ioki, would you? Is he Italian? Crazy son of a bitch! Look at my car! You crazy, man! Here I am, stopping for the red light, and Hey, what is this? What are you doing here? You following me, boy? Follow him! - Yeah? - Jenko.
Yeah, this is hanson.
Look, we messed up.
What happened? Waxer made a vehicle switch with some guy.
Ioki followed him.
1925 high park, suite 310.
Name on the door is bennotovich.
I followed waxer in a cab.
Yeah.
And? Well, we kind of ran into him.
He saw me and then took off.
- Shots were fired.
- You okay? Yeah, but I don't think the taxi is gonna make it.
Hey, forget the taxi.
Taxis are easier to come by than good cops.
Listen, uh Pick up the weckerle kid.
What charge? I'll call in for a ramey warrant on that 459, 'cause waxer, he's gonna want to shut him up.
And we'll package that dude on high park tomorrow morning.
Okay? How's the deuce? The best.
What's up, Kenny? What do you want? What makes you think I want something? You done good for me, Kenny.
You made me some money.
You got straight.
It's starting to work out.
And I figure, like any good businessman, a little profit participation among my employees will keep morale high.
Speedball this mix.
It's the best.
Okay, I'm going to tag up with jenk.
- All right? - All right.
Hey.
You're in my English class, right? Yeah.
Loved your hurrah, man.
Made lamb look like a goon.
Oh, thanks.
You know a guy named weckerle Kenny weckerle? I know his sister better.
- Well, have you seen him around? - No.
Sorry, man.
Hello? "Well, George, while I was in my office today, "I heard a funny sound.
And what do you think it was?" "It was your mother chopping wood.
" Is Kenny weckerle in here? Mr.
Bauer, nice of you to join us, considering you are in the play.
Forget the play.
Has anybody seen him? Yeah, I saw him down by the gym.
He was probably sniffing sneakers or something.
All right, class.
Kenny! Give me the paramedics Boys' locker room! Who cares who this is, miss futterman?! Get the paramedics down here, or somebody dies! - Freeze! - Freeze! Stay down.
The man said "freeze.
" You're under arrest, man.
You have the right to remain silent.
Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.
You have the right at this time to talk to a lawyer and have him present with you while you're being questioned.
You understand?! Freeze! Look, hanson, the kid was shooting junk.
It had to happen.
If waxer hadn't have put me with Kenny, he wouldn't have given him a hot shot.
Look, someone does drugs, they're gonna die.
Maybe right away, maybe after a whole lot of pain, but they're gonna die.
You can bust all the dealers you want, man.
The thing is, you got to bust the Jones.
Noreen wanted us to tell you that she loves you and she's real sorry.
Kenny, we're all sorry.
For what? You had nothing to do with it.
Oh, yes, we did.
What is it with parents, man? It's got more to do with who's cool than what kind of mom and dad you got stuck with.
Would you excuse us, please? Yeah.
Yeah, sure.
Gonna play golf with you this Sunday, kiddo Just you and the old man, okay? I hear you're a cop.
That stinks! Some kind of double agent, huh? Blowing in your buddies.
You're not my buddy.
Oh, breaking my heart.
Yeah, but I saved your life anyway.
Who said I was gonna die? 10 cc's of China white, speedballing with pure flake?! Waxer was trying to kill you, man.
He figured I was a cop and that I was onto you.
Then maybe you and my old man should get together and split the cost of this room.
Spit off! Now, maybe I can't save your tail, man Maybe I don't even want to But I want waxer's! And you don't tell me where I can find him, I'm gonna kick it until you do Buddy to buddy.
Yeah, what's up? I'm looking for some o.
G.
Named waxer.
Save the red-eye.
Who's he? Relax.
The dude's sprung.
- Who is it? - Some fresh-looking freak And a gray boy.
I'll say.
What do you want? I need an eight-track.
I heard you're up on that.
Says who? Original gangster, my eye.
We're out of here, baby.
You got the ducats? All right, you can come in, but the gray boy stays outside.
Damn.
She's not supposed to go in alone.
How you know I'm dealing, girl? You know, man, I just figured you bought all the fancy cars with your lunch money.
Cool it, Jude.
Yo, hanson.
Yeah, jenk.
Broken play Hoffs went in alone.
Four for $300.
$200 here.
My friend outside has the rest.
Hold her arms.
Hey, girl, what's this? Roll in! - Hoffs! - Yeah, I'm all right! Drop the weapon, son.
Drop it now.
Hold it, man! Yeah, yeah, yeah You're a party, yeah You're still hungry Given the best You're still thirsty I know a miracle is never enough You're under arrest.
You're not man enough, boy.
You're under arrest, Tyrell.
Okay, everybody.
Good going, good going.
Okay, let's go, buddy.
Let's go.
Get up.
Whoo! And they say white boys ain't fast.
Funny.
Hey, I didn't finish reading him his rights! Someone's got to finish, or we blow it on a Miranda! Hanson, I swear, you never quit being a cop, do you? Never.
I like that in a man.
- Hey, you okay? - Yeah.
- Huh? Good work, tom.
- Thanks.
- You sure you're all right? - Yeah.
Okay, go on home and get some z's.
Hey, jenk, you know, I'm starting to like that lady.
What's her deal? Hey, don't sweat it, man.
You'd never make the weight.
Don't bet on it.
Except for the parallel-parking part of the driver's test, I almost got a perfect score.
Oh, wait a minute, here.
I didn't bring my crash helmet, Noreen.
- Hey, I'm a good driver.
- Okay, I'm sorry.
Anyway, mom and dad thought you might get a kick out of me driving you home.
What, they didn't want to come? Of course, but, uh, well, they wanted to make sure they didn't start laying all kinds of stuff on you right away.
I guess parents kind of do that sort of thing because they love you, huh? Yeah.
It's been hard on them.
Probably almost as hard as it's been on you.
- I'm gonna be okay.
- I know.
Uh, give me a minute, huh? Yeah, sure.
- You still talking to me? - Sure.
- That's great.
- Even though I'm a cop? Especially because you're a cop.
Look, Kenny, you know, a guy messes up once, it doesn't mean his whole life is over.
Happens to everybody.
- Ever happen to you? - All the time.
You take care of yourself, okay? Hey, hanson Thanks.
Hey, Kenny Say hi to your sister for me.
I mean, I've heard of lucky before, but hanson's ridiculous.
He's been here less than a week, and already he's busted some major dealer who had waxer working Kenny weckerle over on a cocaine payroll Running a burglar ring.
That's three collars.
Count 'em.
Why couldn't we trade? Then, Kenny's in a drug rehab, and another middle-American family is saved from the jaws of drugs and destruction.
Hanson is gonna end up with a gold star on his first report card and get all the glory.
Are we gonna let him get away with that? Oh.
I didn't know we got report cards, Doug.
Usually, hanson, when penhall complains that much about another cop, it means he's impressed.
And you should be.
Well, if he's not, I am.
Good work, man.
Oh-ho-ho.
Okay, okay, so, I'm impressed.
But don't let them in on it.
I got a rep to protect, you know? I know.
Is jenko in? I want to debrief.
Debrief? Hanson, it's Friday night.
So? So, nobody debriefs on Friday night.
Why not? Well, now, there, then, what did you do, win a field trip to grosse pointe? Off duty.
I'm trying to leave my work at the office.
Yeah? Groovy.
What you got in that box? Oh.
Well, I figured maybe I can sit in with you guys for a set.
You? You're gonna sit in with us? - You? - Yeah, if you can keep up.
Say what?! Hey, don't strain yourself, bro.