6Degrees (2012) s01e03 Episode Script

1 Mum.
This isn't fair.
- What are you talking about? - Coming here, drinking.
- I can't keep doing this.
- I'm sorry.
- This is my cousin McCann.
- Working on the guns, lad? I'm trying to stay in shape for the bitches.
Who are you? - One of the people that's watched you cheat.
- I wasn't cheating.
Look what I got.
Aw.
No way! CHEERING Go on, Conor! Woo! WHISTLE BLOWS CHEERING - A what? - Mystery bus tour.
It's a night for the GAA team.
Didn't someone get arrested on the last one of those? Yeah.
The bus driver.
He did some serious damage.
Here she is.
Look.
Looks like he's trying to crawl up inside her! Like a sexy Tauntaun.
Star Wars.
You're coming, right, Jess? - Yeah.
- Danny-boy? Can't, man.
Promised I'd go home this weekend.
Come off it! Can't your mother do your washing next weekend? - It'll be mad craic! - Look at the state of that! Oi, Eva, you dirty stop-out! - What is she like? - I know! I haven't even changed my relationship status and this is Jack's sodding profile picture.
- She's not even that good-looking.
- Seriously? Yeah, it's just the camera angle.
Up above and far away so all you see is her boobs mushed together.
- It's textbook.
- What? Like this? Wait till you see this.
HE TYPES AND GIGGLES Ha-ha.
That was my formal! Yeah, yeah? So, what did you get up to last night? Dunno.
Woke up in a playground in Lisburn.
- Fit enough for a mystery tour the night? - Mystery what? Aw, you want to go to some culchie nightclub? Getting there's half the craic.
It's like the bus to school.
Except everyone's wrote off.
C'mon, Sandie.
How will it look if the team captain can't get his housemates to fork out a few quid? - All right, then.
- That's it, Sands! Tonight's going to be balls deep awesome.
A pack of girls stuck in a confined space with me and an arseload of pear cider? Like shagging fish in a barrel.
Aw, you're obsessed, you know that? Get through that, mate.
Come on.
Come on.
Chin in.
Come on.
Tuck your chin in.
Come on.
One-two.
Tuck.
Tuck your chin in.
Don't get cheeky with me, Leech.
I'll knock you out.
Come on.
One-two.
Right.
You know Niamh's sister? - Niamh, yeah.
- The one across the road.
She's bringing five of her sisters tonight.
All nursing students.
- One's a pharmacist, but whatever.
- Blondie? She's well fit.
- What? She's an arse like a melted welly.
- Still would, though.
You have no standards.
You're just grateful, no matter what you get.
I have standards.
- Anything with an even number of limbs.
- I have standards! Relax, Leech, bud, he's only messing.
All right? One's an uppercut, all right? One, two, three, four.
Let's just have a big girls' night out, yeah? Forget about fellas.
- Is that why you're all glammed up? - I don't do it for the lads.
Oh, just Conor? It's for me, OK? And to make other girls jealous.
That just happens.
What? All I'm saying is, we should get totally glamorous and have a wee boogie and a few cocktails Right.
Or we could have some actual fun.
Get stocious right now.
What? No mixers? Just get it down ye.
- Sod it.
- Go.
Another one.
OK, you got me.
We're going to Bundoran.
- Is that a club? - Hey! He can't say where we're going.
- That's the mystery part.
- But how dressy is it? - Why do you care? - I just don't want to stick out like a sore thumb.
- That's grand, Sandie.
You look like a weirdly hotauntie.
- What auntie's that? - Your ma.
That's charming, that is.
And she's always asking after you as well.
I'm only saying, all the summers I spent at your gaff, - you'd think she'd close her dressing gown just once.
- You cheeky bastard! - Go on, ya good ting! - Hey! Everybody, this is Justin from work.
This is everybody.
Give us a drink, then, Eva.
Aw, Mum.
Wake up.
Mum? Mum, wake up.
Mum! Mum! Right into the pint, and then she sells it.
Full price.
- Eva! - I'm never coming to your bar again! I only did it cos he didn't have the balls to.
At the end of the day, it wasn't even my ex.
Bit of a mentalist, was she? We've all been there, lad.
- EVA LAUGHS - What? He was a bit mad, aye.
Oh, right.
You mean you're a Yeah.
I'm gay.
- Why is it always the hot ones? - I know.
- I'm cool with the gay thing.
- Sweet.
I always thought that about you, Leech.
- Says the boy who showers naked every day with 14 guys.
- Exactly.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Are you the giver or the taker? You know what? You're such a knob.
MONITOR BEEPS Hey, Danny.
Is that going out or coming in? You had your stomach pumped.
I fell asleep in the bath.
Look, - Mum - Don't start.
I'm not.
You were.
You were starting.
It's just You can talk to me.
You know? - You don't - I'm fine, love.
Honestly.
You're such a wee worrier.
- Ah, it's yourself.
- Didn't know you were mates with Eva.
I know the feeling.
Never had you down as a GAA-head.
If you want to give it a miss, I'm sure Eva won't mind.
She'd have my balls for breakfast.
She's set for a mad one.
- But you don't want to be on a bus with that lot - Mate.
If you're worried I'll say something, don't be.
I'm only saying, you don't want that lot taking the mick out of you.
- Cos they will.
- Think I care about that? Look.
I'm on the same team as them.
They're not like you.
They wouldn't even let you in the changing room.
Or you.
Don't get on that bus.
You hear me? TEXT MESSAGE TONE I told you, I don't need that! - Mrs Burns, there's really no need - Mum? - Here's my son.
- He can take care of me.
- There are people who can help.
- Come on, Danny.
We're going home.
- What's wrong? I was just telling your mum about the effects of carrying on the way she is.
Don't you talk to my son.
Let's go, Danny.
You're not helping her, you know.
Not like this.
DANCE MUSIC PLAYS - Hang on.
Wait! Can I get a wee group photie? - Oh yeah.
Leech.
- Leech, that's not funny.
- Get my boobs in for my Facebook.
- Smile! - OK, awesome.
- Put on your pants, Jason, you dirty bollocks.
We're getting steaming tonight, Justin.
Woo! Right, that's the lot.
- How long will this take? - Not a notion.
The lads are there already.
Mark and Peej texted me, and Sam.
Sam? Moira's Sam? What's? Are you taking us to Dickeys? What? No, course not.
Don't be telling anyone.
- You're taking us to Balbriggan? - Yeah, Conor! How many nights have we spent there, getting off with the young ones? Back to the auld haunt, lad! Take me home, country road # Na-na-na hey-hey! Na-na-na hey-hey! Na-na-na hey-hey! Na-na-na - Woo! Almost popped out there! - No more dares for this woman.
- She's the only one who's not picking truth, though! - Yup.
That's cos you keep daring everyone to snog.
- I'll do a dare! - Aw, that should be good.
- Neck this, then.
- What? No.
- It's a dare.
- Give me that.
- Have you ever been drunk? Yeah.
Sort of.
See if you can't remember, it means you haven't.
Like with orgasms.
- Fine.
Truth, then.
If you had to snog any person on this bus - Boo! - Crap! - Wha? - Boo! That's crap.
- What kind of a question's that? A crap one.
Two secs.
Ooh, Sandra Dee! I'm going to go get you some absinthe.
Excuse me.
- Where's everybody going? - For a slash.
- They stop for that and I've been going in this? - You! You're the pyscho that wrecked my phone! I should have got something in, but, um I dunno.
What do you fancy? I don't mind.
How about I pop out and get us a take-away? Special treat.
How about that new Chinese? - Do they deliver? - Sure, I can manage.
Yeah, but You might as well check, Mum.
You still fretting about me? - No.
- Good.
Because I'm giving it up.
For Lent.
Lent? Or I could just start today.
Don't, Mum.
I mean it, love.
Today's the day.
I promise.
What did I say would happen if you got on that bus? Dunno.
Something about how the gays aren't allowed outside the cities? - You know, in case the villagers attack? - Leave me alone.
Seriously.
Conor.
Every time I'm alone, you jump out and say, "Leave me alone.
" Makes you look mental.
Look.
McCann is taking us back to his local.
He's got my cousins waiting there, friends, my mates from school You don't want me to meet the family? Do you know how it looks?! What? You waiting for me outside the bogs or grabbing me as soon as I step off the bus? Yeah, I know how it looks.
Do you? What happened with us was a one-off.
- It - It will happen again.
Cos you like it.
Sooner or later, you'll come looking for it.
Doesn't matter whether it's at my door or some other fella's.
It's just who you are.
ENGINE STARTS Yeah, that's us.
Let's go.
MUSIC PLAYS: "Cotton Eye Joe" by Rednex Here we go.
Do you want to watch a DVD? Or is that too much like coursework? Yeah, sure.
I'll pick us something out to watch.
GLASS CLINKS DANCE MUSIC Now we're sucking diesel! There he is! He's looking at you.
No.
Don't, don't look! - Can I look now? - I wouldn't.
- What's it got to do with you? - She's on the pull tonight.
- I wouldn't know what to do.
The last chat-up line I used was, "Hi, your sister's in the Girl Guides with me.
" Girls like you don't need to say anything.
Come on, lads.
No sleep till Belfast! Conor, do you know where Justin is? No.
Why? Eejit's not answering his phone.
Ah, he'll be here somewhere.
I haven't seen him for a while.
Tune! Come on, ya girl ya.
MUSIC: "Sweat" by Snoop Dogg and David Guetta Want to dance? Danny! Don't leave.
- I promise - No! No more promises.
- I can't be here.
Not until you sort yourself out.
- I'm sorry! Look, I'm sorry I hurt you.
You're hurting yourself! And I'm helping you do it.
Pretending everything's OK when it's not.
This morning I thought I thought you were It's fine, love.
I'm OK.
I'm right here.
No.
You're not.
You're not even close.
I want my mum back.
I miss her! I'm not buying you a new phone.
- You broke it! The buttons are banjaxed.
- Then use the touch screen.
- I can't! I have bad thumbs.
- Right, so you haven't seen my mate? Sorry, no.
Thought you were getting some shots? Thattoerag wouldn't serve me.
It's all right, though.
Cos I'm packing.
- Ooh! Flasher.
- Ha-ha, you wish.
- Who's your friend? - She's not Oi, steady on, you, girl! Your hands are freezing.
Urgh! Who has a flask full of cider? Uh oh.
Leg it! All right.
Right.
Let's go.
No Go away, I'm fine! OK, so maybe absinthe wasn't the best idea.
Hey, bud.
Sandie, what SANDIE VOMITS Conor, what are you doing in the girls' toilets? MOCK-CULCHIE MUMBLING Then when he grabbed you! I thought you'd shat yourself.
Me too.
How'd you even end up on that bus, huh? It's hardly your type of thing, is it? No offence.
I don't know.
I suppose, I don't know that many people up here, not yet, and I thought it'd be more fun than another night in, - trouncing noobs online.
- You're a gamer? - And you're not? - Why'd you think I've got bad thumbs? Wanking? KNOCK ON THE DOOR - Eva's still at it - Don't come in! What? Why? I look like that homeless guy with the sombrero.
- This could be your new profile picture.
- Don't you dare! Aw, Conor! Seriously! Sorry.
I was only joking.
It's just I'm such a mess.
I'm worse than Eva! - And you're so nice, looking after me.
- Sandie No, you are, you really are.
I was all worried about coming up here for uni and not having any friends.
And you're, like, one of the nicest fellas I've ever met, and And I boked on your shoe! I should change that profile picture.
I don't even recognise that person any more.
I know what you mean.
Seriously.
Please.
You're like Captain Perfect.
It's so annoying.
Come on.
How does that pose go again, huh? CAMERA CLICKS That is the sexiest-looking homeless person I've seen in my life.
Give us a go! CAMERA CLICKS Not a bad-looking couple.
No.
Em, what about this one? CAMERA CLICKS Yeah, that's good.
Yeah? Or this one? That's good too.
CAMERA CLICKS Orthis.
CAMERA CLICKS That's good.
Or maybe This.
CAMERA CLICKS What? What is it? Nothing.
It's It's just, this is - Not perfect? - No.
No, it is, Sandie.
It's just I don't want to ruin it.
You know? So we won't.
This is me.
All right, so Thanks.
OK.
See you.
Hold on.
I'm sorry.
Can we do that again? What? Yeah, sorry, that was my fault.
I messed that up.
- You did? - Yeah, I actually meant to kiss you then.
- Must have been embarrassing.
- I know! But thanks for not drawing attention to it.
But, anyway, do you mind if we save and reload? No! Yeah.
No, no problem.
Thanks.
This is really sweet of you.
I was thinking the same thing.
I mean, not because I Because you - See at this point, we should have stopped talking.
- Yeah, definitely MUSIC: "Jar of Hearts" by Christina Perri No, I can't take one more step towards you Gawd damn.
# Cos all that's waiting is regret # And don't you know I'm not your ghost anymore JESS GIGGLES, MCCANN LAUGHS # You lost the love I loved the most # I learned to live half a life # And now you want me one more time # And who do you think you are # Running round leaving scars # Collecting your jar of hearts # And tearing love apart # You're going to catch a cold # From the ice inside your soul # So don't come back for me # Who do you think you are? # I hear you're asking all around # If I am anywhere to be found # But I have grown too strong # To ever fall back in your arms # I learned to live half a life # And now you want me one more time # And who do you think you are # Running round leaving scars # Collecting your jar of hearts # And tearing love apart # You're going to catch a cold # From the ice inside your soul # So don't come back for me # Who do you think you are? SPEECH INAUDIBLE UNDER MUSIC # It took so long just to feel all right # Remember how to put back the light in my eyes # I wish I had missed the first time that we kissed # Cos you broke all your promises # And now you're back You're looking to get me back