8 Simple Rules for Dating My Teenage Daughter s01e05 Episode Script

Son-in-Law

Why are you breaking up with me? We've been going out for two weeks.
And I've never had a girlfriend for two weeks.
I believe in dreams.
And last night, I had a dream that you were with Lindsay.
She was all over you and you were all over her.
But that was a dream.
I was at the movies last night.
Check.
Call Kevin.
No.
Call Tyler.
It's too late, Kyle.
You can't take back a dream.
Hey, Bridget.
Hey, Kyle.
Kyle! Whoa, whoa, whoa! What is going on here? Uh It's it's OK, Papa H.
No, please call me Mr.
Hennessey.
- G to G.
- Pardon me? Got to go.
Got to go? And he's leaving? G to G? That's the code? You say that and he leaves? Kyle, G to G.
That was so rude! Would I do that to one of your friends? My house.
Cate! Cate! You had a daughter downstairs alone with a boy on a couch! Cate! - Dad! - I'm sorry.
Where's your mom? - She went out.
- Dad, you so embarrassed me! - You know the rules.
- So does Kerry.
Gonna say anything? Oh, sorry.
Hi, I'm Paul Hennessey, Kerry's dad.
- I'm Guy, Kerry's study partner.
- Nice to meet you.
Amazing.
I'm sitting on a couch with a boy, and you go psycho Dad.
She's in bed with him and you do nothing? We're on the bed, not in the bed.
Learn a preposition.
We were just studying biology.
That's it.
Just just bio I gotta go.
- It was nice meeting everybody.
- Yeah.
Bye.
- Bridget, you totally chased Guy away! - Dad chased Kyle away, so we're even.
Wait, what kinda name is Guy? - It's French.
He's French Canadian.
- Ew.
Bridget, one world.
French Canadian? Sorry, sorry.
Kerry was obviously studying.
I don't have to worry about her.
- What? - I've done that trick.
You lay books and papers around just in case you come in.
- Really? - No.
- You don't have to worry about me? - You don't understand.
You're the good guy in this scenario.
When the dust settles, I want credit.
- Why do you think I'm always good? - So I'm the bad girl? What's it called when you're damned if you do, damned if you don't? Oh, yes, fatherhood.
Maybe I was laying books around to fool you.
- It's not hard.
- Is that what you want me to believe? Don't worry, Dad.
They weren't messing around.
Wait, this isn't my room.
- What! - Get out! - Get out of here! - Rory! Kerry, sweetie, take a look at this.
I think you'll like it.
- Whatcha reading? - Rule of the Bone by Russell Banks.
God, he writes with such a measured rage.
What's that? It's my column on how dogs start to look like their owners.
I don't know, maybe now's not the time.
Rory, shouldn't you be in bed? I can't sleep.
I'm worried 'cause 'cause Bridget's not home yet and it's past her curfew.
Well, Rory, son, that's not worrying, that's tattling.
And I thank you.
OK, there she is now.
Bridget is starting to take advantage.
Her curfew is 11:30.
Not 11:35 or 11:37.
- You know where this is leading? - 11:40? Not on my watch.
I'm gonna have a talk with Kyle.
She broke up with Kyle today.
- She broke up with Kyle? - Yeah, she's out with some jock.
So she's done grieving.
Yeah, some basketball player.
I hate them.
White boys thinking they're all ghetto.
"I'm a baller, holla! Holla back, brotha, uh-huh.
" I hate it when they do that.
- Hi, honey.
- I thought you were Bridget.
Bridget? She's on the front porch with her date.
It is 11:37 and she's past her curfew.
Well, by a few minutes.
Can't you be a little flexible? What's the big deal? It was a big deal when we negotiated this.
I wanted 10:30.
You said midnight.
I said 11.
But the girls wanted two holes in each ear.
So we settled on 11:30, one hole in the ear.
I was there, Paul.
I took the minutes.
I can't believe it! Look, it's 11:38.
- You were always in by curfew? - Always! - Really, Mom? - No way.
I just don't like to bring my exes up to your father.
He's all, "Was he cuter than me, was he cuter than me?" I'm just too tired.
- Was who cuter than me? - No one, honey.
No one.
Thank God that we have one kid we don't have to worry about.
There you go again! You don't have to worry about me just 'cause I'm not Miss Blonde Bobble Head? "Like, oh, my God, my name's Bridget.
I can't believe how much my head shakes when I talk.
" That's that's really mean.
Really, really mean.
Maybe I'm sneakier about my boyfriends.
Ever think of that? You are too young.
We have rules about that.
- Well, ooh-la-la.
- Is that French? Dad, I'm getting real worried.
Bridget still hasn't come in yet.
Enough, you already have the job.
Upstairs.
Daddy! Don't you knock? Bridget, time to come in! Honey, wipe your feet, take off the boy.
Hi.
Paul "Hit-man" Hennessey.
You might have seen some of my fights.
I didn't catch your name, don't really care to.
Travis Smith.
Travis Smith? You're the basketball player? - Yeah.
- He's a baller.
- Holla.
- Holla back, brotha.
Uh-huh.
- No flirting.
- No problem.
Cate, you didn't tell me Bridget was going out with The Rainman.
The Rainman.
Wow.
- Who's The Rainman? - Travis.
He rains down three-pointers.
This guy is the best guard in the state.
He's the son of Steve Smith.
"Canned Heat" Smith.
Ring any bells? - No.
- Ace pitcher for the Detroit Tigers.
What, you live under a rock? No, but I'm willing to move.
The Smiths are Michigan sports royalty.
- Smith is a big name in Michigan.
- I think I've heard of it.
Hey, can I get you kids anything? Un, Daddy, I was kinda hoping Travis could take me out for a bite? Da! - Can we, please? - No.
- Sure.
- Ha, ha.
Wait a minute.
Weren't you just discussing your precious 11:30 rule? Can't you be a little flexible? This is a special occasion.
It's not every day my daughter goes out with the state's leading scorer.
Yeah, lead OK, it's 1 am.
Why are you still up? I couldn't wait to hear all about your date.
Well, there's not much to it.
We went to the Shut up.
I am so angry at Dad.
He thinks of me as some sort of virgin spinster, like Miss Havisham.
Great Expectations? Charles Dickens? A book.
Hardee's was closed so we went to get ice cream at The Parlor.
Dad didn't even wait up for me.
So cool.
How are my abs? Perfect.
- So you like this Guy guy? - He's like a friend.
- Not like you and Travis.
- Travis? No, he's OK.
I went out with him because Lindsay liked him.
When she gave me this top back it was all stretched out and had a stain from a party she wasn't going to because I wasn't invited.
Nice try, Linds.
Wow.
So, OK, you're not going out with him again? Oh, I'm going out with him again.
Dad loves him.
He lets me stay out as late as I want.
It is a whole other world past 11:30.
Hardee's is closed, but there are other places.
- Isn't that like using someone? - Uh, yeah.
Little sister, you have much to learn.
Why Dad thinks you're the book girl.
OK, well, from now on I am Madame Bovary.
Another book girl.
I'm gonna act like you in front of Dad and freak him out.
Ohhh! That's good.
Hennessy! Tommy, hey.
Listen, I gotta go.
Sorry.
There something on your mind, Tom? Do you see fear in my eyes? - No.
- Because it's hate! What's wrong? What's wrong? Your little girl, Barbarella, broke my son's heart.
My baby boy, Kyle, is devastated.
Found somebody better, she says? Nobody's better.
- Not in this life, buddy.
- She is starting to see Travis Smith.
I don't care if she's starting to see Travis Smith, The Rainman? - Yeah! - Our Bridget is dating The Rainman? It's getting serious.
He was even over at the house.
Oh, yeah.
- Hey, Papa H.
- Oh, shut up.
Kyle.
- Why isn't Kyle in school? - There's no school.
- It's Take Your Kid to Work Day.
- No, it's not.
- No, it's not! - Dad! So Kyle's really upset? Throwing up, crying, sleeping under the bed.
Never mind that now.
Are you kidding me? That's so great.
See if your daughter can make him commit to Michigan.
- Take us to the Final Four.
- I'll do my best.
- I'm talking about her best.
- Hey! - You follow? - That's my baby girl.
- Well - My baby girl dating Travis Smith! That's what I'm saying.
- Can I sit in the cart? - No! Now go get the popcorn.
- Hi, Kerry.
- Guy, what are you doing here? - You told me to meet you here.
- Nice try, Madame Ovary.
- What? - It's a book, Dad.
Guy, let's get out of here.
Come on.
Harmless.
- Travis! - Travis is here? Oh, my God.
What is with you? You've got a man crush on Bridget's boyfriend.
No, it's his father.
I mean, he's with his father.
Mr.
and Mrs.
Hennessy, this is my dad.
- Steve Smith.
- No, I'm Steve Smith.
No, I meant I'm Paul.
- You used to cover the Tigers.
- For a couple of years.
A few seasons in the sun.
Now he writes the column where Peanuts used to be.
- Excuse me.
Is this your wife? - Yes.
Cate, Steve Smith.
- Hi.
- Mr.
Canned Heat.
Stop it.
Sounds to me like we got a little hein' and shein' going on in aisle three, if you catch my drift.
That's just my little girl Kerry with her study buddy.
- Study buddy? - I didn't do anything.
I gotta go.
So cute.
- Nice meeting you.
- Nice meeting you.
Bridget is a great girl.
- You got a hell of a son.
- Yeah, boys are great.
That's my little fella over there sitting in the cart.
- The one that's stuck? - He'll be fine.
- See you around? - An honor to meet you.
Just an honor.
- Take care.
- You too.
Bye-bye.
- Could Travis and I hang out tonight? - No, it's family movie night.
Well, she could miss it just once.
Paul, it's also a school night.
- Oh, I forgot it's a school night.
- Please? Oh, hell, she doesn't study.
Go have a good time.
Details, please? Uh, last night? Three parties.
Stayed out till 12:30.
Tonight, we'll go to the dance and an after party.
I'm pushing for 2am.
A personal best.
What about you? Details, please? I'm going to the dance too.
No, I mean, what's with you and this Guy guy? Our father has to be the dumbest man that ever lived.
Then why is he always on my case when I get a C? I am practically throwing myself all over Guy and he's, like, "Cute, so cute.
Aren't they cute, Cate?" Hmm.
Maybe Guy's the problem.
Maybe you need another prop.
That is so mean.
Oh, good afternoon, Your Highness.
Is this breakfast or lunch? - Did you have a good time with Travis? - Yes, Daddy.
- I had a good time too.
- No you didn't, you were with us.
Hello? Steve! - Is Travis here? - No.
He wants to talk to me.
Yeah.
Uh just a sec.
- Tonight? - No.
Yeah, we'd be happy to.
Cool.
OK, see you later, partner.
So, I guess that date we've planned is now dinner with Canned and Mrs.
Heat? Oh, I wish.
No, he wanted us to help chaperone the school dance tonight.
- What could I say? - How about no? Paul, this is my first Saturday night off in weeks.
- I don't wanna chaperone a dance.
- You're gonna chaperone the dance? We have to.
Travis' dad is in charge of the booster club.
- No.
- No.
Maybe it's time for me to give a little something back.
Oh, bull.
Maybe I care about children, while you just want dinner and a movie.
- Yeah! - Yeah! You at the dance is an invasion of privacy.
I'm not gonna bother you and Travis.
You won't know I'm there.
- I want you guys to have fun.
- I don't want you at the dance, either.
Why? What's going down? If you're there, my social status.
OK, stop walking so loud! I am just as unhappy about being here as you are.
Why don't you dance with one of your little friends? My little friends? Where is Guy? Hi Mr.
H, Mrs.
H.
Poor Kyle.
He looks so sad.
Yeah.
There's Bridget and Travis! Hey, guys! How are ya? Listen, I haven't seen your dad around.
I hope he's not sick.
Man crush.
He never comes to these things.
He gets people to volunteer.
So now that Steve has stood you up, can we please go to a restaurant? I thought he'd be here.
You're, like, nine.
You know what, honey, you are right.
I'm sorry.
I know what that feels like.
I remember when I met Dr.
Christian Barnard.
The heart guy? Was he cuter than me? No.
But I was in total awe, so I know what it's like.
Just don't let your intoxication get in the way of your parenting.
- Like I'd let that happen.
- Well, don't be so sure.
- Bridget is not above playing you.
- I think I'm a little more savvy.
Have you noticed how many times lately Bridget has asked you for something starting with the word "Daddy"? Daddy? - Can Travis and I go to a party after? - What time will you be home? - I don't know.
Late.
- Well - Please, Daddy? - No.
Thanks.
- I said me and Travis, The Rainman.
- I heard what you said.
Your curfew's still 11:30.
Guess what, cupcake? Daddy's back.
Oh, my God, Cate.
Look over there.
- Come on, dance with me.
- No, no.
I am not gonna embarrass her.
OK, fine.
I'll do it myself.
- This was our date night.
- Mine too.
- Wow, you are a great dancer.
- Thanks.
- What are you doing? - What? Well, I just thought that how cool it is being study partners, maybe we could go to the next level.
Guy, I like you, but I just like you as a friend.
But the way you were dancing with me Dad, stop spying on me! I wasn't spying.
OK, maybe I was spying at first, but then I got into the music.
- It's Are you OK? - No.
He's a nice guy and I hurt his feelings.
I led him on.
I don't want to be a girl like that.
I hate girls like that.
- I share a room with - I know, I know.
So why did you do it? Just to get a rise out of me? - Yes! - Why? Because I'm tired of you looking at me like I'm a little girl.
Well, after watching you dance, I'm sure I won't being doing that again.
Good.
It's nice to be treated like an adult once in a while.
I'll try to remember that.
Honey, please don't ask me to apologize for wanting to keep you my little girl.
- Hey, you wanna dance? - Yeah.
Not with you.
- You wanna dance? - No.
Hey, what's that over there? - Bridget and Travis broke up.
- What? Yeah.
She didn't like him that much.
She loved the free ride you were giving her.
Where is Bridget? I wanna talk to her.
She was a little upset, so I let her go home with Kyle! Last night, I had a dream that we were both in your truck, but I couldn't see you because I was wearing my Kate Spade sunglasses, which makes it hard for me to see because the tint is too dark.
- I had the same dream.
- Oh, my God! Daddy, didn't we talk about knocking? Who said you could be alone with a boy? She did.
Hi, Kyle.
Paul, you locked Kerry and me in the car again.
- Kyle, why don't you G to G? - What? - Leave! - Dad! - I'll see you in your dreams.
- Hey, you stay out of her dreams.
You know what, no boys allowed after 11:30, and it is exactly 11:30.
You are so mean! You owe me an apology.
No, I don't.
Not my hair.
God, I spent all day on my hair.
Now it's gonna smell like my father.