8 Simple Rules for Dating My Teenage Daughter s01e24 Episode Script

Queen Bees and King Bees

Somebody get that? Someone! I'm working! Does anyone hear that? Oh, yeah.
- Oh, hi, boss.
- Hi, Paul.
Shouldn't you be working? No, actually, I Rachel, your father's here! Hey, want some coffee? No.
I'm running errands.
My wife and I are having a party tomorrow night.
More like Mardi Gras.
- You're having a party? - Oh, I would have invited you, Paul, but it's just my sportswriters.
- You know, I used to write sports.
- You sure did.
Too bad you can't come, 'cause we're having lamb.
- Bye.
- Hey, bye, Mr.
- I'll see you at my parents' - Rachel! Time to go.
See you, buddy.
- Daddy, I need to check my e-mail.
- Sweetheart, I'm working.
Is that more important than your family? At the end of your life, are you gonna think back, - "If only I had more time to work"? - No.
I'm thinking that right now.
Bridget! Paul, she is mass e-mailing gossip about Jenna Sharpe.
How many times have I told you not to slander my boss's daughter - from our home computer.
- Oh, lovely, Paul.
Jenna had something embarrassing happen, and now Bridget is milking it for all it's worth.
It's just not nice.
- What happened? - She sat on a couch in the library - and made this rude noise.
- Rude noise? Like that.
- Ahh.
- That was what Jenna said.
She was sitting down, trying to get the couch to make the noise.
We're like "Yeah, right, Jenna, just own it.
" You know, this isn't funny.
I have been reading a lot lately about how cruel teenage girls can be.
You know, when I was in high school, there was this girl that everybody thought was a loser.
And she was self-conscious and awkward, and, you know, but really, really nice, once you got to know her.
Aww, and that girl was you.
No! It was Denise Fabio.
I have two eyebrows.
Oh, lovely, Cate.
You're reading a little bit too much, Mom.
It's all a bunch of media hype.
What's that supposed to mean? Sometimes, to sell a bunch of magazines, they'll write these big articles I know what "media hype" means.
I'm just saying I agree with your mother about your little group, with its cool clothes, own language, code of behavior It's like a girls Mafia.
There's no such thing as a girls Mafia.
Just a highly-structured secret society with a set of rules and severe consequences.
There's a secret society? No.
I hate that Jenna! She's evil! Yesterday she was like, "I love your jacket.
It's so you.
" Today I see her, and she's wearing the same jacket.
Like she's stealing my soul or something.
God, she is so petty.
Bridget, are you thinking what I'm thinking? Yeah, but I don't think we'd ever get away with it.
I meant, aren't you the one who's being petty? Oh.
No, we weren't thinking the same thing at all.
- Jeez! - What's wrong, honey? Got off the phone with Tommy.
Because I missed the last two poker nights, he's given my chair to somebody else.
You know, It's not fair.
I've been part of that sportswriters poker night ever since it started.
- But you're not a sportswriter anymore.
- Thank you.
Tommy pointed that out too.
This is what happens when you don't show up at the office.
- Out of sight, out of mind.
- You're gonna be there next week.
- I am? - Yeah.
- For Take Your Daughter to Work Day.
- Oh, great! - You guys can see where Daddy works.
- Daddy, you work in our living room.
I'll have you know, I am a vital part of the Detroit Post.
There is marketing research where readers say the reason they buy it is to read my column.
- Those forms you had me fill out? - Besides that.
- The forms you had me fill out? - Everybody does that.
You think I'm gonna let you goof around the house by yourselves? - Well, I assumed - Aha! No, never assume.
Because when you assume, you make an "ass" out of "u" and "me.
" Wow.
That is really - Lame? - Yes.
I think Take Your Daughter to Work Day is discrimination.
Rory's right.
A man should be able to take all his children to work.
Hey, I have a job too, you know.
A job I actually go to.
Wanna come to the hospital with me? Or to the newspaper with me? Big presses, jelly donuts.
- Don't make me choose between Dad - Student nurses and bloody guys.
OK, girls, here it is: the Sports Department.
This is where your father cut his journalistic teeth.
Take it all in.
- Done.
- Let's go.
No, wait.
Come here.
Get back here.
Come on.
Your father spent many happy years right here.
- Mister, did you know our father? - Yes, and he never spoke of you.
Now, knock it off.
This, right here, used to be my desk.
This is where it all happened.
This was the hub, the heartbeat, if you will, where all the guys met.
- We were like a band of brothers.
- Hey, brother, get off my desk.
That's just some snappy newspaper banter.
I was telling the girls that used to be my desk.
That's right, I forgot.
I gotta cover the Tigers double-header.
- Visit more often.
- Visit? What? - I work here.
- Sorry, I'm an idiot.
You write that Slice Of Life thing from home.
My wife loves it.
- Well, gotta go.
- OK.
That's Artie.
Oh, my God, look, that's Jenna Sharpe.
God, she copies everything I do.
So you guys are dressed alike.
That's just a coincidence.
- You make it sound sinister.
- You are a child.
She so wants to be me.
Her father works at the same paper.
Just be nice.
Hi, Rachel.
Hi, Jenna.
- Hi, Mr.
- Hello, Bridget.
Go on, speak, boss's daughters.
- Hello.
Sit on any couches lately? - Bridget! Ooh.
- Here it comes.
Clash of the titans.
- I told you this would get ugly.
What ever.
Oh, for Come on.
You are guests at the newspaper.
Stop acting like you're in high school.
- Hey, Hennessy.
- I'm not talking to you, Tommy.
- Hey, Poppa H.
- Kyle? What are you doing here? - He could ask you the same thing.
- I've had enough of you.
- I work here.
- Trouble in the ranks? Hennessy, I'd like to speak with you in private.
Hennessy's in trouble.
Hennessy's in trouble.
- Why are you on my case, Nick? - I did that so I could talk to you.
And I wanted to look like a big shot in front of my girls.
But you made me look bad in front of mine.
I owe you a beer.
What's really going on here? I was up all night with Jenna sobbing in my arms because some kids at school teased her for a, um noisy couch.
- Noisy couch? OK, yeah.
I understand.
The one day she forgot to take her pill.
That's shameful.
It's a natural phenomenon.
It's like they're making fun of God's handiwork.
There's this one mean girl who's leading the charge.
Really? Jeez.
Did Jenna happen to mention who the mean girl was? No.
She knows I'd hunt down the kid's father.
Perhaps get physical.
- I see.
- Thanks for the little chat.
When we go back in there, could you act like you were crying? - No! - All right, all right.
- Hey, Beach, having fun? - Yeah.
Kind of.
I mean, for the fifty-third worst day of my life.
You OK? Yeah, I'm fine.
It's just one of those days.
You rank the days? Never mind, never mind.
It's just, you know, I pitched five column ideas to Nick, he rejected four, said he'd think about one.
Oh, Dad, I'm sorry you're not cool around here.
Cool? Honey, cool doesn't even enter into the equation in the adult world.
They don't judge me by how cool I am.
I am judged solely by the quality of my work.
Paul, I've thought about that idea.
- Ouch.
That's gotta hurt.
- Are you kidding? Honey, you just roll with the punches.
That's all.
- Come here.
Something's happened.
- What? Oh, my God! Hi, Bridget.
Daddy, can I go out with Kyle on Saturday? Well That's my sad face.
- Convinced? - OK.
Boss's daughter.
Way to rebound.
Bridget, you've gotta take the high road.
Stay above it.
- Roll with the punches.
- Tommy, I'll see you at poker tonight? Got the whole chair set up for you.
Oh, my God! You gave Nick my seat! Tommy, you didn't tell me that I was taking Paul's seat.
This is uncomfortable.
Hope it's lucky.
You So, Nick, what kind of beer do you like? Rory, I hope you had fun at the hospital and learned something.
Sure did, Mom.
I picked up a lot.
I'm gonna go visit the Doyles.
See ya.
I can't believe Kyle's going out with Jenna.
Oh, honey, I'm so sorry.
That must be painful, your ex-boyfriend going out with someone else.
You know, when I was in high school, there was this girl who went through the very same thing.
She had such a hard time.
- Aw, and that girl was you? - No! Oh, right.
"Denise Fabio.
" I don't care about Kyle.
Everyone's gonna think Jenna stole him.
If they would focus, they'd remember that I already dumped him.
God! And it's already all over school that Bridget's old boyfriend prefers Jenna.
I can't believe this.
Now, I'm gonna be an outcast just like Daddy.
Bridget, I'm not an outcast.
- How was Nick's party? - How are Jenna and Kyle? - Paul! - She started it.
- Paul! - I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
You know, without due respect, I think I can help you.
I know how to play this game.
That's the difference between teens and adults.
I don't play games.
Yeah, and Mom's not really Denise Fabio.
This is gonna pad a lot of G-strings.
Not so fast, pilgrim.
I got a couple of cowboys in this corral.
Three chicks with a pair of kings? Brilliant.
By the way, that John Wayne impression's the best I've heard.
- Do it again.
- Pilgrim.
- Hey, fellas.
- Hennessy, what are you doing here? I'm part of the group.
Thought I'd drop by in case somebody wants to sit out.
- I told you we have a full table.
- Let him stay.
Fresh meat.
So how is everybody? Did someone say something? So, Nick, you catch the Pistons game last night? - I was up all night with a crying kid.
- Don't worry.
I taped it.
Turn it off after the final buzzer or you'll watch Kyle's sixth birthday.
- You tape over family videos? - Just the stuff with the kids.
They don't even look like that anymore.
- How do the Tigers look? - They couldn't look any worse Paul, Paul, let's let the sports guys field this question.
If I wanna know about Civil War reenactments or how itchy the authentic underwear is, then I'll ask you.
It feels good hanging out with you guys.
But, you know, Nick, that article did get a lot of positive mail.
Yeah, how is Rory? All right, seven card high-low.
I'm gonna take you down, Sharpe.
That'll be the day.
It's incredible.
He is the Duke! Scout, my daddy told me I could shoot all the blue jays I wanted, but it's a sin to kill a mockingbird.
Hennessy, what the hell are you saying? Gregory Peck.
To Kill a Mockingbird.
Directed by Robert Mulligan, one of the greatest Never mind.
Dad, I'm using the car to go someplace and see some people.
- Don't know when I'll be back.
- Fine.
That's a great kid.
Looks nothing like me, but a great kid.
- Well, he's made my Jenna happy.
- Already? Do John Wayne.
Nick, I forget, is there a trellis right outside Jenna's bedroom window? Why? You don't think? I'm out.
Nice going, Scout.
OK, I'm ready.
Teach me everything.
I knew you would come, Father.
It was only a matter of time.
OK, you remember everything I said about there being no such thing as a girls Mafia? Well, there is.
But all cliques have the same structure.
See, at the top, you have the Queen Bee.
- In your case, Mr.
Queen Bee.
- That's Nick Sharpe.
Got it.
OK, next we have the sidekick.
Not as pretty as the Queen Bee, - but always sucks up to her.
- Well, that's Tommy.
- That's so Tommy, right there.
- OK.
Then we have the wannabe.
She'll do anything to get in with the Queen.
- You lost me.
- OK, like when you do Gregory Peck impressions at parties, weddings, our answering machine.
So sue me if I presume people enjoy that.
Aha! Never presume, because when you presume, you press you to me.
- Eww, gross! That doesn't work.
- OK, all right.
Just go on.
OK, what you need to do is get in real good with Nick.
Then get him to tell you an awful secret about himself.
Then tell everybody, thereby overthrowing him, putting you back on top.
I take you to church.
Be a wannabe the rest of your life.
I am so not a wannabe.
But it goes against everything I stand for.
Everything I teach my children.
Bridget, I have to ask myself, would Gregory Peck do something like that? Yes.
I believe he would.
- Artie.
Where's Nick? - Snack machines.
What's up? Let's just say there's a new queen in town.
Never leave sports.
- Hey, Nick.
- Oh.
Yeah, I eat chocolate when I'm depressed.
It's my dirty little secret.
Secret? Huh.
Wanna talk about it? Well, I, uh I guess I can tell you.
I'm saying it's coming from upstairs.
I'm gonna let Artie and a couple others go.
- You're laying people off? - Damn budget cuts.
It's the only way I can save my performance bonus.
Wow, what a relief to get that off my chest.
Keep this confidential.
Boy, you'd be a pretty unpopular fellow if news like this got out.
- Well, see you.
- Where you going? Uh, nowhere.
No Um, why? Thanks for listening.
Hey, I know I can be a jerk sometimes, but, uh, you're a good man, Paul.
Hug? I'll tell you, Cate, I had Nick right where I wanted him and I couldn't do it.
I actually felt compassion for the guy.
And I realized, what would I get if I betrayed Nick's confidence? - A seat at that stupid poker game.
- Who is this enlightened man? If he fires those guys, they'll let me right back in, right? Ah, there he is.
But I'll say no because I don't want any part of that group.
And then I'll laugh.
You know, honey, you should consider being a mentor.
Listen to me.
You're right.
Why did that stuff bother me so much? Oh, Paul, when I left nursing, I told myself that I would always be a part of the gang.
But every time I dropped by, I felt like an outsider.
I wasn't up on the in-jokes or the gossip and I really felt abandoned.
Finally, I realized that I was grieving for my nursing career.
Maybe I wasn't clear on the question.
Why did that nonsense bother me? - Never mind, Paul.
Never mind.
- Grieving! Yeah, I got it.
- Hey, Daddy.
- Hey.
Daddy, you look sad.
Well I'm grieving.
I'm I'm not a sportswriter anymore and I'm grieving.
I get really sad when I give my old clothes to Kerry.
- So you understand.
- Totally.
You've been really upset lately.
Maybe you're going through the same thing.
You mean I could be grieving the life I had before Jenna came into town, - stole my friends, my sense of style - Keep going.
No, no, it's crazy because I don't wanna be with him or anything, because it's so over, but a part of me, a small part of me - I miss Kyle! - Ohh.
I miss sports! OK, I'm done.
I'm good.
I'm good.
- That's it? Grieving process is over? - Let me check.
Yeah, I'm good.
Wait, wait, wait! Hang on! Hang on a second.
You're OK with Jenna and Kyle now? Everyone thinks Jenna's a boyfriend-stealing tramp.
There's a petition asking that nobody has dealings with that nasty business.
Wait, that's mean.
When her Dad finds out, somebody's gonna have hell to pay.
Hello, pilgrim.
Kerry defiled my Avril Lavigne poster.
I went to Mom and Dad.
They told us to work it out.
I want justice, Bridget.
You go to Mom and Dad first? What have I done that you insult me like this? This, the day that I'm studying for finals.
I meant no disrespect.
I will help you.
But someday, and this day may never come, I may call on you to do me a favor.
Will you two do me a favor and shut up? These grapes are really sour.