800 Words (2015) s03e06 Episode Script

Season 3, Episode 6

1 I'm Poppy.
Mum says that you're my Dad.
- Oh, you didn't know about this? - Of course I didn't.
Well, it's not something that slipped your mind, like, you know, being married? What if instead of going to boarding school, Poppy came to Weld for a bit? She could hang out with me and I could get to know her better because, Poppy, I would really like to get to know you better.
- Sounds better than boarding school.
- Yes! Thanks to Woody, our house is a sink.
Maybe we could stay here? Sure.
Why not? Dad's away.
You could park the Kombi van outside, use the facilities in here.
- Hey! - How was the conference? - Yep.
Okay.
The conference - There was no conference, Woody.
- How did you - You fabricated the whole thing, to cover up a secret.
I'm hurt that you didn't trust me enough to think that we could work through this together.
Thanks for the digs, George.
Things didn't exactly go to plan, hey? They did not.
- I am totally out of undies.
- There's no food! I dreamt that Trace had forgiven me.
Then I woke up.
Who would like to try some of my gorgeous, barbecued black pudding? - Why are you wearing a skirt? - This is a lava-lava.
- Traditional Samoan dress.
- Finally.
You're not Samoan, Dad, and please put a shirt on! - Oh, is the toilet free? - Yeah, sure Thanks, I'm busting.
- Why'd you let her push in? - Is that my yoghurt? - What? - It's got a Monty label on it.
- So? - It's a bit unhygienic.
Dad, nobody wants any of your black pudding.
- It's yoghurt! What does it matter? - This coffee's not very good, mate.
Look, I've labelled all the things in this house that belong to me! Do I need to put it back? - You have it, it's fine.
- No, that's fine I dream, these days, of being alone.
Like a lone wolf.
Or maybe I'm more like a jellyfish.
Floating gently through the ocean, like a blob of Well, a blob of jelly.
Some jellyfish travel alone, like the Australian box jellyfish.
- Are you working? - Yep.
- I was thinking about going for a surf.
- Working.
Yeah, that's okay 'cause then I thought 'nah'.
Yeah, well, maybe you could fix - Monty's roof.
- Yeah.
Nah.
Most species of jellyfish, however, move about in vast swarms, just washing up on whatever beach the currents and tides decide.
Quick family meeting.
You're not actually family, Monty.
Oh, right.
You know the saying about guests and fish? That they stink after three days.
- Is this about Monty's cologne? - No.
But yes.
Specifically, the body wearing the cologne.
Yeah, yeah.
It's time for them to leave.
- Correct.
- Then kick them out.
No, no, I'm not going to be the one getting that reputation.
What reputation? Well, the guy who kicks people out in their time of need.
So you, as the person who invited them in, should suggest that they - park their Kombi someplace else.
- The Kombi's broken down.
No, no.
I think he was thinking more like bigger picture.
Yeah and in that bigger picture, it might help if Lindsay were to spend - a bit more time at her own house.
- What? No.
No, she gets really cranky when she spends too much time with her dad.
Okay, big picture.
Got it.
Morning! Monty invited me over to partake in his special black pudding surprise.
I don't suppose you're also here to tell him that his roof's fixed? I've got a fear of heights, George.
The actual roofs, they're Woody's department.
Excuse me.
So not happening any time soon at the speed Woody is moving.
For my sins Woody is my problem.
So go, get our house back.
I don't care how you do it, just get it done.
Smiler! You parked me in! - Hey.
- George.
Okay, I know I'm possibly the last person you want to see right now No, that's not true, George.
That'd be Woody.
But you're a very, very close second.
Yeah, okay.
Fair enough.
I just need five minutes.
Is it a school matter? I'd be lying if I said yes.
And you've done enough of that lately.
When you look at it, everything that happened, was done with the best of intentions.
Woody didn't want to hurt you, Tracey.
He loves you How hard would it have been, for him to just tell me? I can't answer that particular question because I'm not entirely sure how Woody's brain works.
Not very.
That's the answer, George.
Yes, yes.
Probably.
Undoubtedly.
You meet someone, you fall in love and along the way, you talk.
You tell each other stories.
He heard all of mine.
- Thought I heard all of his.
- Yeah, mm-hm.
What kind of reaction did he think I was going to have? Maybe he thought that you might Break up with him? A little bit like you have done.
Look, this is Woody we're talking about.
He has a unique way of looking at the world.
I know that.
I know him.
- At least, I thought I did.
- He's broken-hearted, Tracey.
Really? 'Cause he hasn't tried to talk to me.
Not once.
Does that mean you want him to talk to you? Because if he knows that you want to see him, I'd bet that he will be here in a flash! No.
No, I just want to get on with my day.
And get on with my work.
And forget about all of this.
Thank you.
- Hi.
- Hey.
- George? Do you hate me? - Why would I? As the one who dropped you in it, you and Woody, with Tracey.
I didn't mean to.
It was one of those situations where I thought that she knew It's okay, Katie.
It really doesn't matter now.
The wedding of the decade is no longer happening.
No, no you did the right thing.
It was always going to come out.
Poppy, is it his daughter? Yes.
She must wonder what she's walked into.
Oh, yes.
Very much so.
Is she going to go to school here? She was meant to, but that would involve Woody speaking to Tracey.
That would involve Woody speaking to Tracey.
Thank you! Look, I understand your concern, Mrs Fergusson, but I think I'd know if there was a burglary.
Constable Tom keeps a pretty tight ship.
Yeah, the escaped convict hiding out in the holiday park was, I think, in the Coromandel.
And I'm pretty sure that was over eight years ago.
Okay.
I will.
Bye.
Okay, back to getting the Kombi fixed.
Yes, right, so as I was saying, the last time this happened, I had to wait for a part to arrive from Japan.
- But isn't it a German car? - It's a funny world, Shay.
Siouxsie, would you be a darling and head up to the Fergusson place.
She's worried about an escaped convict living up there.
So you want to send me, your only daughter, to get murdered? There's no escaped convict.
Mrs Fergusson is 89.
She gets very confused.
Exactly.
Maybe she'll forget she asked you to check.
Well, just go take some photographs.
The usual drill.
Shay'll go with you.
- So we can get murdered together? - Come on, girls.
Keep the client happy.
The Fergusson bach has the biggest screen ever! And surround sound.
Not entirely professional, but if it stops Mrs Fergusson calling me, the keys are under the gnome with the fishing rod.
Got it.
Working on it.
- Woody? - Hey.
I made scrambled eggs.
- Poppy made you scrambled eggs.
- Oh, legend.
Thanks, Pops.
Woody, your daughter needs to start school.
I do? That's why you came here, isn't it? That was the main reason.
And that the truckies kept hitting on me.
Yeah, but you want to go to school, right? Unless I go back.
- Is that what you want? - I don't know.
You need to enrol her.
Okay, well, yeah.
We'll go to Stafford.
No, no, what about Weld? That's the local school.
Yeah, but is it the right one, George? We home-schooled Siouxsie for three terms in Year Nine.
- Oh, yeah? How'd that go? - Not wonderful.
Okay, well let's take that off the table, for a start.
You need to do this Woody, and you can't avoid Tracey forever.
I have my old reports.
I could grab them, if you want.
- We could go now.
- That'd be great.
Maybe you could take her? No, no.
A parent has to enrol her.
And that would be you.
All right, all right.
Monty, I've got some work to do here so Also working.
You couldn't do that at your office? No, no.
It annoys people.
Welcome to wonderful, picturesque Weld.
I'm Monty McNamara, your local real estate agent, and I want to invite you to paradise.
- Monty? - Oh, I'm just editing the ad for the cinema.
You want to see? - No, no.
I have to leave.
- Do what you have to do.
Jellyfish have roamed the seas for 500 million years and what does that tell you? That to survive in this world you need to be - Hey, George.
- Sean.
Is there a reason you're here, Sean? I need somewhere to sit and think.
And the meeting, of course.
There's a meeting? Brenda's pregnant.
Oh.
Congratulations.
Is the meeting about that? No, that's what I need to sit and think about, so if you don't mind? Yeah, you carry on.
I think my life as I knew it is over.
Well, well, yes.
But you know, they're worth it.
How old do they have to be to leave home? Well 16, legally.
But these days, this generation of kids, they can hang around well into their 20s, I was reading the other day.
George.
Wasn't expecting to see you here today.
- I do still work here, don't I? - Yes, of course.
And very soon we are going to be back up and running.
- Is Gloria coming back? - Ah, not as I'm aware.
But you do need to talk to Ngahuia.
- I do? What about? - You'll see.
I'll set it up.
In the meantime, if Sean and I could have the room, please? If you'd be so kind.
Fine.
- Congratulations, again.
- Congratulations? What for? Brenda's pregnant.
- Oh.
- Exactly.
Poppy's weird, eh.
Weird how? Just kind of annoying.
I feel kind of sorry for her.
I mean, she came to live here, and and she must feel pretty bad about what happened.
If she is getting on your nerves that much, you should go stay at your house for a bit.
- Don't you want me at your place? - No no, I love it when you're there.
It's just, you know, it is kind of overcrowded, at the moment.
Well, maybe Poppy will go back to Australia.
- That would help with the overcrowding.
- True.
But I hope she stays.
I mean, she seems pretty cool.
Thanks.
Um, I really, uh Jan's chasing me for this, so I - What are you writing about? - It's a bit random this week.
- Jellyfish.
- It's not that random.
They don't have a spine either.
Your mate, Woody.
Do you know that he hasn't even contacted Tracey? - I am aware of that.
- Treats her like that, then, nothing.
Doesn't even care.
Yes, he does.
You do remember that Woody is a good bloke, right? Bullcrap.
Sorry.
It's just, you haven't been dealing with what I've been dealing with.
I hate him.
I hate his guts.
I love him so much Tears, I feel 'em on my cheeks Tears, I've been this way for weeks.
You could've stopped this.
Told him to come clean right at the beginning.
I know I should have and I tried.
Lord knows, I tried.
Well, then, instead of sitting there writing about jellyfish, try harder! Put things right.
- Maybe I already have.
- What do you mean? Let's just say, I have facilitated a meeting which is occurring even as we speak, - hopefully.
- Oh.
Dad? - Dad? - Huh? Oh, sorry.
Still not used to being called that.
I'm still not used to calling someone it.
Yeah.
I wanted to say, you got this.
Okay? Yeah, thanks Pops.
I'm really sorry for being a little bit Hey, Poppy.
- Hi.
- Hey, are you starting school? - Enrolling.
Yeah.
- Yeah? Cool.
- Yeah, cool.
Come on, we'll be late.
- Okay, I'll, uh, see ya.
Come in.
- Come on.
- Yeah.
Yeah, okay.
So, I'm Poppy.
Yes, I know.
Nice to meet you.
Properly.
Yeah.
I reckon.
Sorry it was so awkward.
Not your fault.
Are those your school reports? Yeah.
And the form the lady at the desk told us to fill out.
Well, your grades are excellent, Poppy.
Did you want to continue with the same subjects? If you have them here? It's pretty much the same as Australia.
How long will you be attending? Oh, ahh, she'll, um Well, the whole year, hopefully.
Yeah.
Okay.
I did drama too.
Well, it was School of the Air, so it was like, I had to record myself playing a part and send it in for marking.
I did Midsummer Night's Dream.
I was Puck.
"If we shadows have offended, think but this, and all is mended.
" That was pretty good, Pops! Don't you reckon, Trace? Um, Poppy what's your address? We're staying at George's, until I find somewhere.
Or something else happens.
- And when would you like to start? - As soon as possible, if that's okay.
Of course.
Just report to the office first thing in the morning and someone will show you where to go.
Thanks.
- Come on, Trace.
Can't we just - What? Nothing.
I guess jellyfish don't have much say in where they wash up, given there are much larger forces driving them onward George.
Jellyfish.
Sorry? It's what I'm writing about, in case you're interested.
For my column.
- If I ever get it finished.
- Then I'll leave you to it.
Aren't we supposed to be talking about something? Ahh, you're both in the same place.
I'm on a roll.
- I'm glad someone is.
- George, meet your new boss.
- Temporarily.
- We'll see.
I am just here for Ike.
Until he works out his stuff.
And I thought, while she's here, she could earn some money, managing the News of the Weld through the transition.
- What transition? - Digital, George.
We're ditching the fish and chip wrapping and we're going online.
- It's the way of the future.
- And has been for many years.
So you still get to deliver what you want, just the delivery platform will change.
So George, are you up for the challenge? - Yeah, sure.
Okay.
- Good man.
So when is this transition happening? It's started already.
Go and take a look.
Meanwhile, Ngahuia and I have some business to discuss.
Excuse us.
Good luck with your tepetepe.
- Sorry, what? - Jellyfish.
Here he is, the Man of the Hour.
Am I? Whatever you did to get Big Mac to prise open his wallets, my small business thanks you.
I can assure you I did nothing.
Hey, what sort of computer do you want? Whatever I need for whatever job I'm doing.
Okay.
All over it.
Hey, how's things going at home? Crowded.
Working on making them less so.
I feel like we should do something together, as a town, to help Woody and Tracey.
Seeing as it turns out half of us knew what was going on before she did.
What, like a candle-lit vigil for them in memory of lost love? How long are you guys going to be here? I've got to finish my column.
Couple of hours.
Tops.
Okay, I'm out of here.
Hey, I'm looking forward to actually working with you, on something real this time.
Oh, Big Mac hired me to run the technical side of things.
Oh, good, good.
As well as working on all your other stuff? Yeah.
yeah, life's pretty full on - right now.
- Yeah.
Hey, um, Shay will be cool with it, right? Us working together? Shay has plenty of other things on her mind at the moment.
So she really only comes here once a year? If that.
She's really old and the travel is an issue.
And the rest of the time it just sits here? Yeah, there's heaps of baches in Weld like this.
Nice if you've got the money, eh? Yeah, or even if you haven't.
Whoever she is, she's been in there for ages.
Thank you, Emily.
Hello? Are you okay? - (CRYING) - Come on out, sweetheart.
I'll take you to the guidance counsellor or the school nurse.
- I'm fine.
- Tracey? I came in here so the other staff wouldn't see me like this.
Stupid kids caring about other kids, when did that happen? He came in, with his daughter, Poppy.
- Oh.
- She's lovely.
Just like her dad.
I mean, why should I have to move to Auckland to study early childhood? 'Cause they don't offer the course anywhere closer.
Why do I even need a course? Like, how hard can it be? So do you want me to come to your place or not? 'Cause today it kinda felt like you don't.
- And I know why.
- You do? 'Cause of Poppy being there.
Yeah, okay.
- What the hell? - Sorry I know, Dad hasn't really been that subtle about it.
- What? - Having a house kind of full of people is driving him nuts.
Oh.
Right.
- That.
- Yeah.
So he was the one who asked me to ask you, I don't know, maybe if you can not come around.
Did he? Well, what if I knew of a way we could change that? Well, that would be excellent.
I feel your heart beating, can our love keep finding a way Your heart's beating but we're just unsteady I feel your heart beating, can our love keeping finding a way There's no reason Well, a couple of interlopers in my pool.
Whatevs, Grandpa, we're not getting married! Interlopers, not elopers.
An interloper is ehm is someone who gets involved in a situation or a place where they don't belong, right? Or they're not welcome.
Like that Aussie girl at your place.
And the rest of them.
Uncle Monty's there wearing his lava-lava.
Oh, not the lava-lava.
He's a middle-aged white guy with short hairy legs.
It's unbecoming.
Yeah.
So, here we are.
Well, stay as long as you like.
You too, Arlo.
It's the least I can do when my middle son is inflicting himself and his sarong on your family.
Did you hear that? We can stay as long as we want.
Okay.
Well, I should be home for dinner.
You're such a nerd sometimes.
Lucky you have me to lead you astray.
While jellyfish have a complex nervous system, these floating life forms do not have a brain.
Which is perhaps their secret weapon in enduring life's noise and chaos.
Oh, for f I feel your heart beating, can our love keep finding a way Your heart's beating but we're just unsteady I feel your heart beating, can our love keeping finding a way There's no reason - Hey.
- Did you do this? - Tidy up? - Yeah.
- Seemed the least I could do.
- You didn't have to do that.
Felt like I should do something to help, seeing most of this is my fault.
No, it isn't.
And don't you start believing that.
Well, thank you anyway.
Do you give lessons to other teenagers? How'd it go at school? The good news is I'm enrolled.
I start tomorrow.
And the not good news? - They didn't talk to each other at all? - Barely.
And then only about me.
- Damn.
- I know.
It was worth a shot though.
Yeah.
How's your dad? Not flash.
He hardly said anything afterwards.
And when we got here, he laid down and he hasn't shifted since.
You remember when there used to be a hole in the ceiling, there? A void.
Yes, Woody, I do.
If I close my eyes, I can see it again.
Except it's just stretching on forever.
So is that how long you're planning on being in my bed? George, I'm not sure about anything anymore.
Woody, you had the perfect opportunity to talk to Tracey today.
Yeah, and I tried, mate.
Okay, I swear I did.
But George, she blanked me.
It was cold, man.
Well, what did you expect? This was the kind of cold that freezes the marrow in your bones.
Just so cold.
Okay, that's enough.
This stops.
Now.
Auf wiedersehen, pets! Let the cheese love begin.
- Just hold that thought.
- Poppy, can you prep the veggies please? Ah, George.
Do you have any beef jerky? - No, no - A tasty treat missed, never mind.
We'll make do with eye fillet.
- We're throwing you a fondue party.
- Just, just hold on Yeah, we salvaged everything we need from the wreckage of Monty's place.
It's not wrecked.
Well, there's the water damage, George, which I think I've mentioned.
There's also the question of the holes in the ceiling.
- It's not raining.
- The weather forecast, though.
Well, how's the search for the large tarpaulin going? - Not great.
- What about several small tarpaulins, then? Water-tightness issues, George.
Possibly compromising the insurance claim.
- Wouldn't want to risk it.
- Yeah, course you don't.
George, I know we're imposing, okay? I swear, we'll be out of your hair as soon as we can.
Insurance issues pending.
And Kombi issues.
Monty, you do know there is a motel Let me just do this one thing for you, George.
For three reasons.
One, to cheer up Woody Yeah, well, I reckon some tough love would be a good idea.
and Poppy, who was rejected on her arrival in New Zealand.
Two, 'cause everyone loves melted cheese in a pot.
And three, to say thank you, George.
To you, our saviour, in our hours of need.
You're a true friend, George.
You are a fondue friend.
Great.
- Evening, fellow book clubbies.
- Brenda's pregnant.
Right.
Congratulations and all that.
If you tell your partner that you're pregnant and he whimpers, is it a good sign? It's a sign that he's overcome with the emotion of the moment.
Brenda's pregnant and Sean whimpered when he heard the news.
Oh.
Further proof that all the men in this town are idiots.
Sorry, I mean, congratulations, obviously.
I'm sure Sean just needed a minute to get his head around the idea.
I've just had to drop Tracey home after I found her crying in the toilets, after Woody brought his daughter in to enrol.
What the hell was Woody thinking? Couldn't he just wait instead of rubbing her nose in it? It was sort of an idea I put into George's head.
I thought that if Tracey and Woody got talking But George stuffed it up again.
No, we can't blame George for everything.
Everyone will blame George anyway.
Well, if you're going to blame anyone, blame me.
But the point remains, doesn't it, that the two of them need to sit down and talk it through? Doesn't it? Once these little blobs of evil have taken over an environment, they define that environment.
Won't be a minute.
Is that an actual minute, or is that one of those minutes that turns into several minutes, 'cause I've got a real need out here, George, just saying.
Well, flushing's optional, then? It's been many years since I last fondued.
And I'd forgotten the extensive preparations.
Or maybe this is just the way Monty does it.
Arlo.
Tell him he's missing a once-in-a-lifetime fondue experience.
You're missing a once-in-a-lifetime fondue experience.
I am okay with that.
Fair call.
Where are you? Well you know how you asked me to sort out the Lindsay situation? - I have.
- What, you're at Bill Junior's? - No, Big Mac's.
- Okay.
Yeah, and the thing is he - he kind of wants us to stay.
- Both of you? Yeah.
Yeah, in fact, he seemed really keen on the idea The thing about Bill Junior, is that he sees the world through the simple eyes of a plumber.
And George, a writer, entirely inside his own head.
Does he grasp how important it is for you to get out while you're young, to have experiences that will stand you in good stead later on? Hmm? So it's cool if we stay, then? You can stay as long as you like.
My house has many rooms, Arlo, and you can take your pick.
You're moving out? You're moving in to Big Mac's? Yeah, so you can tell Poppy if she wants to crash in my room, that's cool.
Okay, I better go Arlo, that wasn't what I meant when I said could you help? I wasn't asking you to go anywhere.
I know.
But it has helped, right? Anyways, Dad I'm gonna go but I'll talk to you tomorrow.
Yeah, see ya.
Grandpa's gone out.
He said to say goodbye.
- Okay.
- Want to do it in the pool? Okay.
Why don't you come out and talk to Smiler while Monty's cooking.
Yeah, I'm not really in a Smiler mood, you know, or a Monty mood.
I don't know if they're meant to be or not, but they're really funny.
It could do you good.
Yeah.
Nah.
Think I'm just gonna stay in here a bit longer.
Sorry, we're interrupting you.
- No, no.
It's all good.
- Is it, George? - Is it really all good? - I wasn't talking to you, Jan.
- Sorry I've just got to - It's cool.
It's certainly not all good here, because I still have a big blank page where there should be 800 words on jellyfish, apparently.
I know, and I'm working on it.
It will be with you soon.
Is this all because of the Woody fiasco? Woody is currently on my bed, a few feet away, and can hear every word you say.
Nah, she's right, mate.
It is a fiasco and it's all my fault.
So what are you doing to fix it? I don't know, Jan.
I'm just I'm devoid of everything.
George, tell him to stop being a wuss and go and make things right with that lovely woman.
I'm working on it, Jan.
And you, work on your column while you're at it.
Two hours.
Come in, come in! The more the merrier! No.
Hello, dearest daughter.
We're having fondue.
Figured that, because of all the cheese and the fondue forks.
I have a proposal for you.
And you will not say no.
- I won't? - You won't.
- We need to talk.
Somewhere quiet.
- Good luck with that.
Okay, I've solved the overcrowding crisis by a number of two.
- Siouxsie and Monty.
- Siouxsie.
And me.
There's this place, a holiday home, and it's really nice and it's empty.
Siouxsie said that in return for 'minding' it, we can live there, for free.
You've got to be joking, right? - No - Okay.
- Right.
- Really? Okay? Well, I guess I have to be.
Aren't kids of your generation meant to be - living at home well into your 20s? - You wanted more space, Dad.
- Yeah, but not - And I really want to do this.
And, it's Weld, right? It's not like anyone's very far away from anyone else.
That is certainly true.
So, yes? You are okay with this? You know that free doesn't necessarily mean free, right? I mean, there are ongoing costs to living life, over and above rent.
Yes, I know, and Siouxsie and I have a plan for that as well.
Well, the beginnings of a plan.
You've thought this through, then.
Yes.
Okay.
Two in one day.
Be careful what you wish for, eh? - Huh? - Oh, Arlo called.
He and Lindsay are holed up in Big Mac's mansion for the foreseeable future.
Go Lindsay, getting those claws in deep.
Please.
I'm trying not to think about it.
So it's happening then.
I'll pack up what I need now, and come back for the rest tomorrow.
You're leaving tonight? Yeah.
That seemed to be the plan.
This way Poppy gets to sleep in an actual bed for the first time on New Zealand soil.
Oh.
Okay, then.
Well, I'll help you move.
No, no, no.
That's okay.
Siouxsie's sorted that out.
You've heard your boy and my girl have shacked up at Dad's place now? I wouldn't say they're 'shacking up', Bill.
It's hard when they reject you, isn't it? I don't see it as rejection, as such.
It's the way it has to be, I guess.
So we can evolve as a species.
You know, each generation, turning against the previous generation, to forge a new path.
Well, I don't feel she's turning against me, Bill.
Yeah.
So this is us for now.
I'll come back for more stuff tomorrow.
Okay.
- Good luck with the house guests.
- Ta.
I'll miss you.
I'll see you at the office.
I feel better already.
Young people.
They go away, but they come back, sometimes.
Like jellyfish on a beach.
I don't know if I'd put it quite like that, but whatever rocks your boat.
I like to think of it as losing a daughter, but gaining much Kombi space.
Yeah, about the Kombi.
How are you going finding that spare part? The problem with a classic vehicle, George, is that parts are a real bastard to source.
On the upside, there's fondue aplenty.
Okay.
Clearly Woody isn't going to snap out of this himself, - so it's time we did something.
- We? - Yeah.
I need you to do your bit.
- Sure.
I'm in.
- Sit up.
- Yeah, no.
I tried that and then the room started spinning and it started to disappear into this like dark tunnel Sit! Up! Okay.
This has gone on long enough, you need to talk to her.
What, do you think I don't know that, George? You think I haven't been lying here thinking that very thought this whole time? I can't, mate.
There is nothing I can say to her that's gonna make what I've done right.
I've tried it a hundred different ways in my head, and they all fail.
All of them.
- Poppy? You're on.
- What? Eugh! What the? Sorry.
It's what we do in the pub to the drunk jokers When they've passed out cold.
- I'm not a drunk joker! - No, no, no, but you need to wake up.
Wake up, get over yourself, then get over to Tracey's.
I can't, mate.
In that case, I'll go home.
Back to Mum.
What? Me being here, it's made everything worse No, no.
Poppy, no.
It's not your fault.
Okay, I didn't communicate with Trace, and so And so? You have a family now, Woody, and you have to fight for that family.
I don't know how, mate.
Well, you can start by standing up.
Now for the tough bit.
Hey, Sean, you know when I said we were having a candle-lit vigil, I was being facetious, right? Eh? I'm playing Tetris.
I'm waiting for Brenda.
- What? Is Brenda in there? - They all are.
The Book Club mob.
Oh, no way, George.
No, don't don't you dare walk away now we got this close.
George, you just heard him, they're all in there.
Okay, it's gonna be hard enough to face her on her own, let alone with the whole committee.
I will deal with the Book Club, right? I will get you across the line so you can talk to Tracey alone.
Okay? Okay? - Okay, all right.
- Good.
I'd be an asset to any school, anywhere.
But you don't want to leave, you love it here.
- (KNOCK AT DOOR) - Hello.
Hi.
There's someone here who needs a quick word.
I wonder if, as Big Mac would say, we could have the room.
Absolutely.
Okay.
All right, ehm Okay, I'll just say one thing, and then it's over to you.
If you two let this love, this great love you have for each other, die because of something so stupid, then you're an idiot.
And you're a stubborn fool.
Yes, everything's been cocked up beyond all belief, but I have seen true love die, actually die.
I have held it in my arms and seen the light go out, so if you two wanna waste something so precious, over something so trivial, then you don't deserve each other.
I'll leave you to it.
I'm so sorry.
Me too.
But you are happy about it, right? I mean, I know I would be.
Well, it's like having someone move in who isn't going to move out.
We'd better hope it's good company, I guess.
If it takes after you, then it will be.
Are you writing your column? - Yeah.
- Here? - It's been one of those days.
- Oh.
What's it about this week? - Jellyfish.
- Oh.
- And, done.
- 800 words? As always.
Hey, hey.
Hey guys, guys, yeah.
Hey, it's great that youse care and everything, right, but us kind of knowing you're out here, it's throwing me and Tracey off our game, if you get my drift.
- But we need to know, Woody.
- Is it on, or off? Well, his clothes aren't, so I'm guessing that, uh Okay, the answer I have for you is, no.
There is no bloody way in hell I am having a Groomspiel.
- What's a Groomspiel? - Traditional Weld stag party.
Yeah, but the wedding's on, it was never in doubt.
Now bugger off the lot of you.
Me and Trace have got some making up to do.
Yew! Oh, George, can you let Poppy know I'll pick her up first thing in the morning, get her all shifted into her new home.
Yeah, I'm sure she'll be happy to hear that.
Thanks, Georgey! Well done, George.
You saved the day again.
- More cheese, Enrico? - I'm cheesed to the gills, Montero.
Ahh.
It's quiet, isn't it? I don't know what George was complaining about.
Is it just me or are those flashing lights? No, there's definitely flashing lights.
- Oi, this is my bedroom! - There's been a complaint.
About what? Mostly you wearing a lava-lava with no shirt on.
This is my natural round-the-house style.
Not round George's house.
He wants his place back, Monty.
- Is this true? - It's called tough love, Monty.
You love me? Well, I'm quite fond of you too.
Tough love.
Tough.
It's a saying.
Oh, yeah.
Dammit, all right, all right.
- I love you.
- Oh.
- Where am I gonna sleep? - At your place.
What, in The Sieve? The way it is now? No, in the Kombi, which is where it's being towed right now, so I can get some peace and quiet.
I suppose it's quite logical, on some levels.
Hard to think of a level where it's not, actually.
Mmm.
Okay, well, I'll be off, then.
Man, she so has her hooks into you.
No, this is just temporary, until everyone goes.
- Everyone's gone, Arlo.
- They have a pool and we don't, so Uh-huh.
Okay, so are you just gonna use this as your own like, - personal supermarket now? - Pretty much.
Righto, Turners, that is us out of here.
- Thank you for everything.
- No, thank you.
- See you at school.
- Yeah, sure.
Okay, one last time.
Are you sure you're okay with us taking off like this? Yeah, of course I am.
Go.
Go.
Okay.
There was this lone jellyfish, at an aquarium in Townsville, a few years back.
One morning, marine biologists were astounded to find 200 little jellyfish in the tank with it.
The lone jellyfish had cloned itself.
It had surrounded itself with others just like it.
I guess, in some species, the need not to be alone is very strong, overwhelming, in fact.
To have those like you, close at hand, to help you get through the day.
That's a good thing.
On the other hand, however, it was Albert Einstein who said, "I live in that solitude which is painful in youth, but delicious in the years of maturity.
" Now he was a jellyfish who knew his stuff.
- Groomspiel.
- Groomspiel.
True love is a story without an end.
It doesn't matter how or where, it's the person you're standing next to.
The 800 Words season final is here.
What a way to start your wedding day.
Nothing could ruin a day this perfect.
What could possibly go wrong? - No! - What did you do? - What's going on? - No! This wedding's gonna be a disaster.
- Monty, what are you doing? - It eases the tension.
This wedding will bring out feelings you never knew were there.
Whatever happens now life goes on George.
The incredible season final of 800 Words next Tuesday after First Dates.