Aaahh!!! Real Monsters (1994) s01e06 Episode Script

Monsters Don't Dance / Gone Shopping

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( clock chiming, thunderclap )
( creaking )
( owl hooting )
( shrieking )
( crying )
( gasps )
( screaming )
YOU BLOWHARDS!
[Captioning sponsored
by NICKELODEON
and THE U.S. DEPARTMEN
OF EDUCATION]
( needle scratching record )
( chuckles )
Man:
NO, NO, NO,
NOT THE LIZARDS.
HOW MANY TIMES
DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU?
LIZARD OUT, MURRAY IN.
MURRAY'S COMING
AND HE PUTS OUT LIZARDS.
WHY DID I HIRE YOU?
SORRY, DAD.
UGLY.
QUITE SAD,
ACTUALLY.
THIS IS WHAT HUMAN GIRLS
CHOOSE TO LOOK LIKE?
WHY WOULD ANYONE
WANT SMOOTH SKIN
AND ALL THEIR
FINGERS AND TOES?
Krumm:
WELL, LET'S GO
OUTSIDE AND SCARE 'EM.
( cackling )
( growling )
AH
Announcer:
Ladies and gentlemen
boys and girls, the moment
you've all been waiting for.
It's Murray!
( kissing )
( crowd cheering )
( laughing )
( cooing )
SHOCKING!
I CAN'T BELIEVE
THEY'RE MAKING HIM DO THIS.
HE'S LIKE A PUPPET ON A STRING.
HE'S NOT EVEN
TRYING TO SCARE THEM.
THEY LIKE HIM.
I KNOW.
HE'S MAKING THEM
HAPPY-- OOH.
CAPTURED BY HUMANS
AND FORCED TO DO
THESE HUMILIATING TRICKS.
BOY, I COULDN'T DO THAT.
COULD YOU DO THAT?
NO!
( screaming )
All:
WHEE!
THIS IS OUTRAGEOUS.
I KNOW.
NO CHEWY CENTER.
BE SERIOUS, KRUMM.
THEY HAVE MADE
THIS PATHETIC UNFORTUNATE
INTO A LAUGHINGSTOCK, A BUFFOON
A MERE PLAYTHING
FOR THEIR AMUSEMENT.
HEY!
( growling )
( laughing )
LOOK, MOMMY.
HE GLOWS WHEN YOU SQUEEZE HIM.
CAN I HAVE HIM?
DIDN'T I JUST BUY YOU
A MURRAY THE MONSTER DOLL?
BUT I WANT HIM!
Man:
Hey, kids, what does
Murray the Monster say?
MONSTERS ARE PEOPLE, TOO!
That's right.
Monsters are people, too.
Hey, are monsters scary?
NO!
But you know what?
Murray is a little sad.
( crying )
Why? Because little
baby Murray monsters
are trapped
somewhere in this store.
They want to get out
and find a good home.
Do you know how
you can save them?
HOW?
By telling your mommy and daddy
to buy you a Murray doll.
And if they don't, cry
really loud until they do.
( cheering )
WE HAVE GOT TO SAVE HIM.
OH, SURE.
US AGAINST ALL OF THEM.
WE CAN'T JUST LEAVE HIM.
HE COULD DIE UP HERE.
BESIDES, THINK OF
WHAT HEROES WE WOULD BE.
WHY, THEY'LL GIVE US MEDALS.
MEDALS?
MMM I LOVE LEAD.
AH, KIDS.
WHY ARE THEY ALWAYS SO
SHORT?
THE THINGS I DO FOR MONEY.
I LIKE BIG CARS.
IT'S QUIET AND COMFORTABLE.
ELEGANTLY UNDERSTATED.
Krumm:
POPULAR GUY.
THIS IS SERIOUS.
HE HAS BEEN
PHOTOGRAPHED.
AT LEAST THEY
GOT HIS BAD SIDE.
WE'VE GOT TO DO SOMETHING.
IF HUMANS ARE NOT AFRAID OF HIM
THEY COULD LOSE
THEIR FEAR OF ALL MONSTERS.
THEN WHERE WOULD WE BE?
( cameras clicking )
( kids cheering )
( kids cheering )
THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!
THANK YOU!
THANK YOU, BOYS AND GIRLS.
HOPE YOU'RE READY
FOR A GOOD TIME
BECAUSE ON TODAY'S SHOW
WE'RE GOING TO LEARN HOW TO
SHOP.
UH-HUH, UH-HUH
YEAH.
BUT FIRST, A NEW MONSTER TUNE
CALLED "EVEN THOUGH
YOU'VE GOT FLAKY SKIN
YOU'RE A-PEELING TO ME."
YEAH, UH-HUH, UH-HUH.
( giggling )
AND NOW, IT'S LUNCH WITH MURRAY.
SO GET OUT YOUR
MURRAY PLATES, MURRAY CUPS
AND PUT ON YOUR MURRAY HATS
YOUR MURRAY BUTTONS,
YOUR MURRAY SHOES
YOUR UNDERWEAR,
YOUR MURRAY UNDERWEAR.
UH-HUH, UH-HUH
( laughing )
DON'T BE SCARED
DON'T BE BLUE
IF YOU SEE
A MONSTER, JUST SAY
All:
"COOCHIE-COOCHIE COO."
REMEMBER, KIDS.
MONSTERS ARE PEOPLE, TOO.
BLASPHEMY!
HE'S A TRAITOR.
HE NEEDS A GOOD SNORCHING.
MAYBE HE HAS BEEN BRAINWASHED.
MAYBE HE'S TOLD
THEM WHERE WE LIVE.
MAYBE WE SHOULD PANIC.
OKAY, HERE IS WHAT WE HAVE.
TWO PRINCIPAL POINTS OF ENTRY:
THE HEATING DUCT, THE TOILET.
THE TOILET IS A PROBLEM
BECAUSE THE MAIN INTAKE VALVE IS
IN THE BOILER ROOM, SO I SAY--
Man:
HEY! YOU KIDS
MUST BE THE WINNERS
OF THE COSTUME CONTEST.
MURRAY WANTED YOU
TO WAIT INSIDE.
( whistling )
OKAY, MURRAY, IT'S OVER.
YOU'RE COMING WITH US.
HEY, WHO LET YOU KIDS--
( groaning )
( all grunting )
THEY DID FEED THIS FELLOW.
PUSH!
STUFF HIM IN.
MAYBE IF WE FLUSH HIS HEAD FIRS
THE REST WILL FOLLOW.
QUICK, HELP ME.
HE SHED HIS HEAD.
NO, HE'S CHANGING INTO A HUMAN.
( shrieking )
HE IS A HUMAN!
( screams )
OOH, I TOUCHED HIM.
AT LEAST WE
CAN GET OUT OF HERE.
YOU MUST BE JOKING.
THIS IMPOSTER IS SPREADING
LOVE AND HAPPINESS EVERYWHERE
AND HE MUST BE STOPPED!
YOU THINKING WHAT I'M THINKING?
ALLOW ME.
Krumm:
A NIGHTMARE.
( giggling )
AREN'T YOU SUPPOSED
TO USE TWO FINGERS?
THAT IS EXACTLY WHY YOU
GIVE INFERIOR NIGHTMARES.
OH
( moaning ):
OH, OH
KRUMM.
OH.
I LOVE MY WORK.
( sloshing )
HEY, KIDS, BET YOU CAN'
WAIT TO GET A MURRAY DOLL.
UH-HUH, UH-HUH.
I HATE THOSE THINGS.
THEY'RE STUPID.
Girl:
I HATE HIM, TOO.
I WANT A REFUND.
( chanting ):
REFUND, REFUND, REFUND
REFUND, REFUND
REFUND, REFUND,
REFUND, REFUND
( shrieking )
( gasping )
( sighing )
( screaming )
WHO, WHO WHO ARE YOU?
WE ARE MONSTERS.
AND WE'RE NOT PEOPLE, TOO.
YOU HAVE BEEN
GIVING MONSTERS A BAD NAME.
THERE WILL NO LONGER BE
A MURRAY THE MONSTER.
YOU'RE QUITTING THE SHOW.
BUT WHAT ABOUT ALL MY KIDS?
AND ALL MY MONEY?
IT'S OVER, MUR.
YEAH, MUR.
SO, REMEMBER, I'LL BE
KEEPING AN EYE ON YOU.
( giggling )
( screaming )
( screaming )
WHOA, WHAT HAPPENED?
BOY, WHAT A NIGHTMARE.
HOW DID I GET HERE?
( cheering )
MOMMY, I WAN
LIPS LIKE THAT.
EXCUSE ME, BUT WHERE
DID YOU BUY YOUR UGLY LIPS?
DARLING, YOU DO
NOT BUY UGLY.
YOU INHERIT IT.
UH-HUH, UH-HUH.
UH-HUH.
DON'T BE SCARED
DON'T BE BLUE
IF YOU SEE
A MONSTER, JUST SAY
All:
"COOCHIE-COOCHIE COO."
UH-HUH.
SO, BOYS AND GIRLS
HAVE A HEART AND GIVE
A BABY MURRAY DOLL A HOME.
AND WHILE YOU'RE AT I
MAKE YOUR BABY MURRAY DOLL HAPPY
BY BUYING HIM A MURRAY HAT,
A MURRAY T-SHIR
A MURRAY LUNCH PAIL,
A MURRAY THERMOS.
UH-HUH, UH-HUH.
WE MUST DO SOMETHING.
THE NIGHTMARES DID NOT WORK.
I TOLD YOU TO USE TWO FINGERS.
DON'T START.
( squeaking )
HEY, KIDS, IT'S TIME
TO LOOK UNDER THE BED.
UH-HUH
UH-HUH.
( growling )
( kids cheering )
( laughing )
LOOK WHO I FOUND.
AND I THINK HE
WANTS TO SING A SONG.
( gasping )
( shrieking )
RUN! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!
THERE ARE MONSTERS
ON THE STAGE!
HORRIBLE, SCARY,
SMELLY, REAL MONSTERS!
( Murray screaming )
( giggling )
Store owner:
NO, NO, NO, NOT MURRAY.
THAT GUY'S WASHED UP.
HOW MANY TIMES
DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU?
MURRAY OUT, FROGS IN.
WHY DID I HIRE YOU?
SORRY, MR. MEYERS.
UH-HUH.
( beeps)
Man over loudspeaker:
Attention, shoppers
Valley View Mall
will close in five minutes.
PLEASE, THE STORE
IS CLOSING.
DO YOU WAN
THE CRYSTAL OR NOT?
MM, GEE, I DON'T KNOW.
WHY IS IT SO EXPENSIVE?
IT'S VERY SPECIAL.
LOOK INTO THE CRYSTAL
AND YOU'LL SEE
THE DEPTHS OF YOUR VERY SOUL.
OH.
( screaming )
MONSTERS!
( chuckles )
THAT WAS FUN.
MONSTERS!
HEY! NO RUNNING IN THE MALL!
Man:
HELLO
COULD I HAVE YOUR
ATTENTION OVER HERE?
YEAH.
ANYWAY, THE NEW SECURITY SYSTEM
IS TOTALLY STATE-OF-THE-ART.
SO TRY NO
TO GET IN ITS WAY.
STATE-OF-THE-ART?
STATE-OF-THE-ART?
( scoffs )
CAN YOUR STATE-OF-THE-AR
SECURITY SYSTEM
PUT AN IMMEDIATE STOP
TO HORSEPLAY ON THE ESCALATORS?
JUST KEEP YOUR EYES OPEN.
THE SECURITY SYSTEM IS GOOD
BUT I DON'T WAN
TO TAKE ANY CHANCES.
THREE BURGLARIES
IN A MONTH IS ENOUGH.
DON'T YOU WORRY.
I'VE GOT IT COVERED.
THERE'S NOT A MAN
ALIVE WHO'S GOING
TO GET BY THIS
RENT-A-COP.
THERE'S OUR WAY OUT.
COME ON.
( gasps )
IT'S WONDROUS.
OBLINA, COME ON.
WHAT'S SHE DOING?
I DON'T KNOW.
WILL YOU COME ON?
WE JUST CAN'T--
IT'S
WO
WHAT?
WONDROUS.
WOW.
MAKE SURE YOU ACTIVATE
THE SYSTEM AFTER I LEAVE.
OH, AND LET THE DOGS GO, TOO.
OH, YEAH, SURE.
AFTER I LEAVE, YOU MORON!
OH.
HEY! NO RUNNING IN THE MALL!
DARN DOGS.
( snoring )
Ickis:
THE LAVA LAMP 2000.
IT'S
IT'S
IT'S
THERE ARE NO WORDS.
IT IS BEYOND OUR COMPREHENSION.
IT REMINDS ME
OF MY MOTHER.
I FEEL WARM ALL OVER.
( growling )
DOGS!
( growling )
( panting )
( screaming )
( gasping )
HERE, USE ME.
( squealing )
OH.
THAT WAS CLOSE.
TELL ME ABOUT IT.
WHERE ARE WE?
FAR AWAY FROM
THE LAHMP.
THE "LAHMP"?
THE LAMP.
OH
THE LAMP.
BUT HOW DO WE GET PAST THEM?
WE CANNO
LEAVE WITHOUT IT.
( barking )
( snarling )
( hissing )
DO SOMETHING!
I JUST DID!
THEY'RE GETTING CLOSER.
( growling )
WHY ARE
WE STOPPING?
THIS IS BAD.
REAL BAD.
THAT'S IT, I'VE HAD IT.
( yelling )
WELL, IT'S BEEN
GREAT KNOWING YOU GUYS.
GUYS?
( screams )
( snarling )
Oblina:
COME ON!
LET'S FIND
THE LAHMP.
( dogs whimpering )
HOW'D YOU KNOW HOW TO DO THAT?
WELL, I ONCE ATE
A SPAGHETTI WESTERN.
YES.
GET ALONG, LITTLE DOGGIES.
( chuckles )
KRUMM, WHA
ARE YOU DOING?
THIS OUGHT TO FIX THEIR WAGON.
HERE YOU GO, LITTLE DOGGIES.
THEY'LL NEVER GET IT NOW.
( laughing )
( jingle bells ringing )
KRUMM!
GET ME DOWN, I HATE HEIGHTS.
WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO?
HE'S ALL THE WAY UP THERE
AND WE'RE ALL
THE WAY DOWN HERE--
ICKIS, GET A GRIP.
SORRY.
DO NOT MOVE,
WE WILL GET YOU DOWN.
UNLESS MONSTERS
HAVE LEARNED TO FLY
WE ARE IN BIG TROUBLE.
( screams )
DON'T BE SUCH A BABY, JUST JUMP.
I'M NOT HAVING FUN HERE.
( whimpering )
YIKE!
( screaming )
NO RUNNING IN THE MALL.
( snorting )
THANKS.
NOT AT ALL.
YOU KNOW, I COULD HAVE
BEEN SEVERELY BRUISED.
DON'T BE RIDICULOUS.
YOU'RE IN MORE JEOPARDY
STANDING HERE THAN UP THERE.
OH, REALLY?
WELL, I JUST DON'T THINK--
OUCH.
BUMMER.
I'M TELLING YOU, I HAVE
NO FEELING IN MY RIGHT CLAW.
I WILL BE
YOU'D FEEL BETTER
IF YOU WERE NEAR THE LAHMP.
I BET I WOULD.
( gasping )
THAT HUMAN IS TAKING OUR LAHMP!
WELL, HE CAN'T HAVE IT.
WHAT SAY WE SCARE HIM
SO HE'LL SLEEP WITH THE LIGHTS
ON FOR THE REST OF HIS LIFE?
( chuckling ):
YEAH.
( squeaking and snorting )
( snarling )
( screaming )
( gasps )
THE LAHMP.
THE LAMP.
THE LAMP.
MONSTERS.
MONSTERS.
HEY.
PLEASE, PLEASE,
YOU GOT TO TAKE ME IN.
LOCK ME UP WHERE IT'S SAFE.
( siren blaring )
WHAT THE--
GREAT JOB, HAL
YOU CAUGHT THE BURGLAR.
BURGLAR?
WE'VE BEEN AFTER
THIS GUY FOR MONTHS.
OH, YEAH, SURE.
BURGLAR.
I CAUGHT THE BURGLAR.
MONSTERS!
I'M TELLING YOU,
THEY WERE HERE.
YEAH.
WE ALL STRUGGLE
WITH OUR OWN MONSTERS.
DON'T YOU WORRY, SON.
A FEW YEARS IN ONE OF OUR FINE
MAXIMUM SECURITY PRISONS
AND YOU'LL FEEL MUCH BETTER.
( bells jingling )
WHAT THE--
HEY! NO RUNNING IN THE MALL!
DARN DOGS.
HAL, AS MANAGER
OF THIS MALL
I COULDN'T BE PROUDER.
WELL, BOB, I
HOW'D YOU CATCH HIM?
AH, IT WAS NO BIG DEAL.
AND SO I'D LIKE TO PRESENT YOU
WITH THIS TOKEN OF APPRECIATION
FOR YOUR FINE WORK.
THANK YOU.
WHAT A FINE
THING THIS IS.
YEESH.
All:
AH
MM
( chuckles )
MOM.
[Captioning sponsored
by NICKELODEON
and THE U.S. DEPARTMEN
OF EDUCATION]
[Captioned by
The Caption Center
WGBH Educational Foundation]
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