Abbott Elementary (2021) s04e10 Episode Script
Testing
Yeah, according to this,
it could be the final tour.
Moving from news to opinion,
I hope she does perform live again,
but I don't think
she owes that to her fans
after all she's given to us.
You like Britney, Billy?
No.
Oh.
That about wraps up the Daily Jacob.
Hey, how about that SEPTA strike, huh?
You think that's gonna happen?
Nah, it's usually just all talk.
Well, as a union man myself,
I stand beside ya.
- Behind the line.
- Yeah.
I stand behind you.
You know, the thing about Britney
that people don't understand
[BRAKES SCREECH]
Okay. This is your stop.
Oh, no. No, I'm I'm not for,
like, four more blocks.
I'm with them.
End of the line.
This is a block where I got roundhoused.
[MAKER'S "HOLD'EM" PLAYING]
Yes, James. Good answer.
What else were
the Roaring '20s known for?
Yes, Veronica.
Mass-produced cars,
including the Ford Model A
and the introduction of talkies.
Okay, yes! Now we're talking.
What else was this period known for?
Anyone?
RJ, what do you think?
- I don't know.
- Oh, just throw something out there.
RJ is a sweet kid, but he isn't engaged.
You know, he's been suspended
once for absences,
but he isn't disruptive at all.
Quite the opposite, actually.
He's just a bit, like, tuned out.
But I know there's a way
I can get through to him.
Never met a puzzle I couldn't solve.
Except for today's Wordle.
I mean, I know that [GASPS]
Ratio!
Next time, the Great Depression.
Hey, RJ, what's going on?
Nothing.
Seemed a little tired today.
I'm alright.
Everything okay at home?
Uh, it's the same.
Well, what if there was
something fun to do
instead of going right home?
You have any interest in
an after-school club?
- I guess.
- Alright.
You are gonna get a real
kick out of the podcast club.
What are some of your favorite pods?
No? Okay, well
I'll see you after school.
[TIMER CHIMING]
Okay, guys, time is up,
which means pencils go down, everyone.
So in third grade,
every kid in the Pennsylvania
public school system
does an assessment test,
and in the second grade, we take
a practice test for that test.
I know this lesson
like the back of my hand.
Whichhonestly isn't a great saying
because, you know,
I don't know my hand at all.
They're like total strangers
looking up at me.
[GROANS] I thought I timed it
so I wouldn't have to talk to you.
Yes. Two seconds. [MACHINE BEEPS]
Just lift it.
Alright. Stay next to your buddy.
Oh, we just had the
most delightful walk.
God, this darn machine.
Janine, if you lift it
while you insert it,
it'll make it go faster.
I just said that.
[CHUCKLES] Yes, but not as majestically.
Oh!
Okay. Thank you.
Go celebrate in the hall.
Come on. My turn.
[MACHINE BEEPS]
They did terribly.
I don't get it.
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS,
TELEPHONE RINGING IN DISTANCE]
So, can't you just do
this kind of stuff remotely now?
I could.
I gotta head up
to Ms. Washington's class.
You need anything else
while I'm down here?
No. I'm good.
Cool.
Uh, excuse me. Hi, I'm Cedric,
the custodian in training.
Wait. Has anyone ever called you
Cedric the Jani-tainer?
[CHUCKLES]
Mr. Johnson, he's the trainee
the district sent you.
Hey. The hand that's fixed
a thousand drips.
It is an honor.
The district's trying to push me out.
Let them try. Classic ageism.
Good luck fitting into this uniform.
I got impossible measurements,
the perfect male form.
Alright, Cedric.
Follow me
if you can keep up.
[TELEPHONE RINGS IN DISTANCE]
ALICIA: Breaking news
on the potential SEPTA strike.
The union workers are
unhappy with the current
Anyone else nervous the SEPTA strike
might actually happen?
Not for a moment.
Yeah, they should strike, though.
The city's always screwing them over.
Oh!
Melissa, I know you were
worried, but I figured it out.
Those practice tests are
culturally biased.
Janine, Melissa's
students are all so Black.
MELISSA: Yeah, and they killed it.
You got the only white kid
in the school.
How'd he do?
Also very poorly.
But maybe the cultural bias
is in the teaching.
Like, you subconsciously
taught them your whiteness,
and now they're thinking whitely.
Stop.
Yeah, I told her that was a bad theory.
Sweetheart,
if you think this is an anomaly,
just retest them.
That is a good idea.
Are you kidding me? I said this already.
Yes, but not as majestically as Barb.
JACOB: I think they should
be just getting started.
Yes. Aaliyah. Jaden, this is RJ.
He is interested
in joining the podcast club.
Good, 'cause it was starting
to get real stale up in here.
[CHIMING]
Welcome to "This Abbott Life."
I'm Aaliyah.
- I'm Jaden.
- And today we're joined by
RJ!
This episode,
we're gonna be talking about
- Abbott's new glow up.
- RJ, how do you feel
about Abbott's new archery equipment?
It's aight.
Okay, one vote for "aight." Aight.
I myself think it's a little dangerous.
How about you, RJ?
Uh
He's stunned, folks.
Hey, why don't why don't
we take a little break?
And hold.
And now we're at break.
RJ, can we chat for a second?
We're just gonna
So, Jaden and Aaliyah there,
they're setting you up.
Feel free to just, like, jump right in.
I don't like to talk,
so I don't really know
if this is for me.
Oh, yeah. Okay.
Well, we can we can
we can find something else for you.
Maybe you could be the researcher.
Does that sound like fun?
Or I don't see why we
couldn't have a student replace
Mr. Eddie as the producer.
I get what you're trying to do,
but I think I'd just rather be at home.
See ya, Mr. Hill.
Okay. Um
So you think just anybody
can do this job?
[CHIMING]
Good morning, Abbott.
So now no one knows
if they're coming back
or they're gonna pull
the New York "Housewives"
- and just start over.
- Girlfriend, I told you,
I don't know these people,
and I don't care.
Melissa, Melissa,
what time did you give
your students the practice test?
Morning? Morning.
Whoo! I knew it. I knew it! Whoo!
Okay, so I was
racking my brain all last night.
And all yesterday
afternoon and all evening.
Yes, yes, yes. And you gave your
test first thing in the morning, right?
I gave mine after lunch,
therefore my kids were tired,
- thus they underperformed.
- Okay. Yeah. It could be that.
- Yeah.
- Or it could be that
[AS ALLEN IVERSON]
it's just practice, man.
It was just a practice. We're
talking about a practice test.
It was It was Allen Iverson.
- Am I the only Sixers fan? Come on.
- [SARCASTICALLY] Nice.
Piss off.
So I will be giving my kids
the test again in the morning.
Ooh, and won't the kids just love that?
They will! Thanks, Barb.
As a janitor, you're gonna run
into graffiti from time to time.
You never know when it's coming.
Mm.
[MARKER SQUEAKING]
What the hell?
Gregory, please.
How would you get that out?
Mm
I can't. You used a permanent marker.
What the hell?
Gregory, please.
That's amazing. How did you do that?
It's all in the flick of the wrist.
- That sounds like arthritis.
- You're damn right it is.
You can't learn this.
You gotta earn this.
Hey, Mr. Johnson, what's in that?
My lungs are burning.
Three parts moonshine,
one part you don't wanna know.
- Hey!
- What?!
You gonna get this?
[EXHALES SHARPLY] Ava,
can I redo the practice test?
[MOCKINGLY] "Ava,
can I redo the practice test?"
So annoying. Do whatever you want.
Wait. Come here.
Let me ask you a question.
Okay.
What's it like to date you?
Oh! Okay, well
dating me is like playing
a mysterious board game.
[SIGHS] I'm trying to figure out
- what it's like to date a poor.
- A what?
A poor. A singular of poor people.
You know, what do you and Gregory do?
Do you, like, walk around, or?
What do you eat for dinner?
We usually just eat at my place.
Oh. My Place. That sounds cute.
I never heard of that restaurant.
"My place" is where we cook the food
that we bought at the grocery store.
Oh, my God. [SCOFFS]
Please, only one annoying person
at a time.
Okay, well, I'm done.
I I have a serious question
about a student.
Now, why the hell
is everybody coming in here
asking me about students today?
I thought you might have
some information on RJ McCann.
Um, I'm struggling with him a bit.
You know who else
is struggling? His dad.
That man has the worst case
of struggle face I've ever seen.
It's like
Back to RJ, I just I need
to figure out something
to get him engaged in school.
Well, I see that's important,
because if you lose him in eighth grade,
he might be lost forever.
Well, I'm off to teach step class.
Wait! Can I Can I bring RJ?
Yeah. Just don't let his dad show up,
'cause whew, Lord. [LAUGHS]
- Oh, pretty color.
- [YAWNS] Oh, thank you.
And thank you so much
for taking me, Barb.
Ever since my nail salon burned down,
I have the hands of a
rock-climbing construction worker.
Yeah, you needed a manicure,
and I needed some me time
because Janine was working
my nerves this morning.
[AS ALLEN IVERSON] "I mean,
it's just practice, man.
You know? It's not the test.
It's just practice."
Right? [CHUCKLES]
You know, I remember
when I was a young teacher,
oh, I'd get so stressed out
about all this stuff.
And as annoying as it is
I understand.
Yeah, no, you're right.
She'll figure it out, just like we did.
Melissa, you ever think about retir
Wait, shh, shh.
This is about the strike.
Oh, wow. This is more exciting
than a high-speed car chase.
Hey, can you turn this up?
Can you turn that up?
[RHYTHMIC STOMPING]
Not bad.
Jacob, are you stupid?
He clearly hates this.
Yeah, I c I can see that. I'm just
I'm trying to find something
that he'll take to
so that he doesn't have to
go straight home.
Well, he should like that thing
if you want him to keep doing it.
You did ask the kid
what he enjoys, right?
'Kay, so you are stupid.
Stop guessing and just ask him.
RJ, come here.
What kinds of things do you like to do?
Hang out with friends.
I like to be outside.
Quiet. And nature's cool, I guess.
Hold that thought.
Do I have to keep stepping?
- Please don't.
- Thank you.
Girls.
Hey, come on, come on, come on.
Pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up.
Gregory! Gregory,
urgent question for you.
Is there room in your garden
for one more Goofball?
For the thousandth time,
that program is for the students.
No, no, not not for me, for RJ.
I think he would really thrive in it.
You know, this could've been a text
that you sent tomorrow.
Wait. Are you
Are you wearing a t-shirt?
- Cute!
- JANINE: Who's that? Is that Jacob?
- Janine!
- Jacob, can you hear me?
- Yeah!
- Can you see me?
- N-No.
- No.
- Can you reverse it?
- Well, I got you a
Press the It's in the, um
Jacob! Hi!
Oh, I'm working on my practice test,
so I can't really talk right now.
Well, that's why he didn't call you.
- Oh.
- Yeah.
- What are you up to?
- Well
[CELLPHONE CHIMES] Oh, wait.
Hold on. Gregory's getting an e-mail.
Who the hell is Angela
from GNC Customer Support?
Um, okay. Uh, RJ is welcome
to join the Goofballs.
- Okay.
- Uh, please text next time.
- Gregory, who's Angela?
- Yep. Mm-hmm.
- Who is that?
- No, she's not an issue
Alright, smarty pants, what
would you do in this situation?
To unclog a toilet,
I would use the plunger.
That's what they want you to do.
Who's they? Big plunger, baby boy.
Let me show you a little trick.
[SOFT SOBBING, SNIFFLING]
Morton, that you?
No
Come on now,
I know that sniffle anywhere.
I said it's not me.
Whatever it is, you can't move on
if you don't say what's going on.
[SNIFFLES] Everybody hates me.
Oh, come on now. What did I tell you?
How I shouldn't base my self-worth off
of other people's opinions of me.
Even if they're right.
[DOOR CREAKS] [SNIFFLES]
You didn't hear any of that, did you?
- Nah.
- Thanks, man.
I'm going to go get back to work.
You see, fixing what's broken
just requires a magic touch.
Okay.
[TOILET FLUSHES] Hey!
[CHUCKLES]
Barb, good news.
- 50% off all linens at the Ross?
- Uh, no. Not that.
My class retook the test
under the ideal conditions
in the morning,
bright-eyed and focused
and I set the thermostat to 89
in order to get it to the highly
productive temperature of 73.
- That's a whole lot of information.
- Yeah, yeah.
And you know what?
Now, they're probably
not gonna all be perfect scores,
but I'm just excited to see how
much they've improved, right?
- Yes.
- So here we go. Last one.
Alright. [CHUCKLES EXCITEDLY]
[IMITATES FANFARE]
Okay.
[IMITATES FANFARE]
Trombone. [IMITATES FANFARE]
Let's push it through. Yeah. Okay.
Ah. Okay, so it is official.
My class
straight up failed.
Womp, womp.
Melissa, these chocolate-covered raisins
are gonna be the death of me.
- Gregory, you want some?
- Oh.
No, thank you. I don't understand why
anyone would ruin a raisin
by dipping it in chocolate.
Man, you are sick.
Well, my kids failed the retest.
Even Claudia? She's a great student.
Yeah, even Claudia.
You know, I don't get it.
I It was the right time of day.
Their bellies were full,
but not too full.
They were bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.
Well, it looks like you figured
out what the problem is then.
- Mm-hmm.
- What?
- You.
- What?!
- Damn.
- No, no, no, no. I am not the problem.
My kids have passed
every year with flying colors.
The way I've taught the test works.
And now it doesn't.
Yeah, you can teach it the same way
five years, six years,
everything's fine.
Then you get a new group of kids,
all of a sudden it doesn't work anymore.
Mm-hmm. I remember once I had a class
I had to sing the ABCs
or they just didn't get it.
Oh, and you just had to sing?
I just thought I had it figured out.
I mean
like, isn't there some point
where you've just got it down?
No! Kid, "having it down"
means you gotta know
when to change it up.
Okay.
I guess I will try
trying something else.
- Switching up my methods.
- Okay.
I'm just happy that we all equally
helped you along this journey.
Aww, Gregory.
What part did you play?
Damn.
So when you have a word problem,
you can map out what
you're reading like this.
Okay, George has three cars.
Bruce has two times
as many cars as George.
So, how many cars does Bruce have?
- STUDENTS: Six!
- Six! Yes!
Let's hope he has a
driveway, right? Hey, Ava.
Hey.
Ah! I just had a breakthrough
with my students.
We came at test prep
a bit more visually,
so we're gonna need
to take the test again.
For a third time?
This isn't even a real test, Janine. No!
Let's see if they can solve
this word problem.
If you have one teacher who
is getting on all my nerves
Alright, you don't have to answer that.
[AVA LAUGHS]
Hey, uh, I was looking for you.
Okay.
I finished up on the second floor.
Great.
Do you need anything else before I go?
No.
Alright then, uh, I'll head out.
It was really good seeing you again.
You look nice.
Hi, Janine.
So [CLEARS THROAT]
O'Shon is the poor guy?
Don't eavesdrop on me.
You're in my classroom. [SIGHS]
- When you cook at home
- Mm-hmm?
do you wash the dishes yourself?
Ava, you are not rich.
Let's pull up our bank accounts
and put 'em side by side.
- I don't wanna do that.
- That's what I thought.
Okay.
Yeah. There you go.
Just like that, in the sun.
Oh, hey, RJ, that's really good.
Thanks. [SCOFFS]
How come he never compliments me?
'Cause you never do anything good.
[LAUGHTER]
How's he How's he doing?
Looks good.
Honestly, great. He's a natural.
I haven't seen anybody
this good at plants since
well, me.
Awesome. Yes.
Maybe Goofballs isn't his thing either.
But we'll find something he loves.
I'm not gonna give up.
I'm not gonna stop.
I'm gonna work harder.
I'm a survivor,
I'm gonna make it, I will s
Point is, w-we're gonna find,
um, the right fit for RJ.
And that's how I popularized
the phrase "That's trash."
What? That was you?
I also came up with "I'll be back,"
but that bum from Australia
stole it from me.
I got to be honest with you,
Mr. Johnson.
- Do you?
- Yeah, I do, because I respect you.
The district sent me here
to train with you
- so I could replace you.
- I know, son.
- But But I can never do what you do.
- [CHUCKLES] I know, son.
But, listen, you're gonna
make a great janitor.
[MACHINE BEEPS]
Just not here.
[WHIRRING] Wow.
Alright, what's this about?
Take a seat. I need to talk to you.
If I'm gonna let myself
be pursued by O'Shon,
I really need to understand
the mindset of a poor man.
And the only way to do that is
to go to the poorest man I know.
Say I could get you a $15,000 raise,
say the equivalent
of a district IT worker.
What would you do with it?
I'd to pay off my student loans.
Your student what?
Or buy a nicer car.
No. What would you do for Janine?
- Buy her a nicer car?
- This is what I came for.
Yeah, I'd probably
try to find a reliable
- pre-owned
- Ugh! Ugh!
- hybrid.
- Get out.
- So, am I getting a raise?
- No!
Why would I give you a raise?
You're so irresponsible with your money.
RJ, he's just
just your average kid, Billy.
You know, he takes SEPTA
just like you and me.
So I'm gonna figure it out.
And you know why, Billy?
Oh, let me guess.
Because it's your damn job?
You are such a good listener.
Yeah, well, legally, I'm not
allowed to wear headphones.
Oh! Time for news updates.
[EXHALES SHARPLY]
Oh. Wow. That c That can't be right.
It says that SEPTA's demands went unmet,
and they called the strike.
- That's news to me.
- MAN: Attention, drivers.
The city failed to meet our
very reasonable demands.
We will be going on strike.
Stand by for further updates.
Well, it looks like
you gotta get out, Jacob.
Oh, my God. It It's happening now?
[BRAKES HISS] Yeah, seems that way.
Yeah. Gotta stand by the working man.
Can you do that?
Proudly.
I believe in you.
WOMAN: Do we got to get out?
Oh! How exciting!
It's historic! Do we got to get out?
No, no, no. You guys are good.
Strike doesn't start till tomorrow.
But for him
it starts today.
[LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE]
Wait!
Billy!
it could be the final tour.
Moving from news to opinion,
I hope she does perform live again,
but I don't think
she owes that to her fans
after all she's given to us.
You like Britney, Billy?
No.
Oh.
That about wraps up the Daily Jacob.
Hey, how about that SEPTA strike, huh?
You think that's gonna happen?
Nah, it's usually just all talk.
Well, as a union man myself,
I stand beside ya.
- Behind the line.
- Yeah.
I stand behind you.
You know, the thing about Britney
that people don't understand
[BRAKES SCREECH]
Okay. This is your stop.
Oh, no. No, I'm I'm not for,
like, four more blocks.
I'm with them.
End of the line.
This is a block where I got roundhoused.
[MAKER'S "HOLD'EM" PLAYING]
Yes, James. Good answer.
What else were
the Roaring '20s known for?
Yes, Veronica.
Mass-produced cars,
including the Ford Model A
and the introduction of talkies.
Okay, yes! Now we're talking.
What else was this period known for?
Anyone?
RJ, what do you think?
- I don't know.
- Oh, just throw something out there.
RJ is a sweet kid, but he isn't engaged.
You know, he's been suspended
once for absences,
but he isn't disruptive at all.
Quite the opposite, actually.
He's just a bit, like, tuned out.
But I know there's a way
I can get through to him.
Never met a puzzle I couldn't solve.
Except for today's Wordle.
I mean, I know that [GASPS]
Ratio!
Next time, the Great Depression.
Hey, RJ, what's going on?
Nothing.
Seemed a little tired today.
I'm alright.
Everything okay at home?
Uh, it's the same.
Well, what if there was
something fun to do
instead of going right home?
You have any interest in
an after-school club?
- I guess.
- Alright.
You are gonna get a real
kick out of the podcast club.
What are some of your favorite pods?
No? Okay, well
I'll see you after school.
[TIMER CHIMING]
Okay, guys, time is up,
which means pencils go down, everyone.
So in third grade,
every kid in the Pennsylvania
public school system
does an assessment test,
and in the second grade, we take
a practice test for that test.
I know this lesson
like the back of my hand.
Whichhonestly isn't a great saying
because, you know,
I don't know my hand at all.
They're like total strangers
looking up at me.
[GROANS] I thought I timed it
so I wouldn't have to talk to you.
Yes. Two seconds. [MACHINE BEEPS]
Just lift it.
Alright. Stay next to your buddy.
Oh, we just had the
most delightful walk.
God, this darn machine.
Janine, if you lift it
while you insert it,
it'll make it go faster.
I just said that.
[CHUCKLES] Yes, but not as majestically.
Oh!
Okay. Thank you.
Go celebrate in the hall.
Come on. My turn.
[MACHINE BEEPS]
They did terribly.
I don't get it.
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS,
TELEPHONE RINGING IN DISTANCE]
So, can't you just do
this kind of stuff remotely now?
I could.
I gotta head up
to Ms. Washington's class.
You need anything else
while I'm down here?
No. I'm good.
Cool.
Uh, excuse me. Hi, I'm Cedric,
the custodian in training.
Wait. Has anyone ever called you
Cedric the Jani-tainer?
[CHUCKLES]
Mr. Johnson, he's the trainee
the district sent you.
Hey. The hand that's fixed
a thousand drips.
It is an honor.
The district's trying to push me out.
Let them try. Classic ageism.
Good luck fitting into this uniform.
I got impossible measurements,
the perfect male form.
Alright, Cedric.
Follow me
if you can keep up.
[TELEPHONE RINGS IN DISTANCE]
ALICIA: Breaking news
on the potential SEPTA strike.
The union workers are
unhappy with the current
Anyone else nervous the SEPTA strike
might actually happen?
Not for a moment.
Yeah, they should strike, though.
The city's always screwing them over.
Oh!
Melissa, I know you were
worried, but I figured it out.
Those practice tests are
culturally biased.
Janine, Melissa's
students are all so Black.
MELISSA: Yeah, and they killed it.
You got the only white kid
in the school.
How'd he do?
Also very poorly.
But maybe the cultural bias
is in the teaching.
Like, you subconsciously
taught them your whiteness,
and now they're thinking whitely.
Stop.
Yeah, I told her that was a bad theory.
Sweetheart,
if you think this is an anomaly,
just retest them.
That is a good idea.
Are you kidding me? I said this already.
Yes, but not as majestically as Barb.
JACOB: I think they should
be just getting started.
Yes. Aaliyah. Jaden, this is RJ.
He is interested
in joining the podcast club.
Good, 'cause it was starting
to get real stale up in here.
[CHIMING]
Welcome to "This Abbott Life."
I'm Aaliyah.
- I'm Jaden.
- And today we're joined by
RJ!
This episode,
we're gonna be talking about
- Abbott's new glow up.
- RJ, how do you feel
about Abbott's new archery equipment?
It's aight.
Okay, one vote for "aight." Aight.
I myself think it's a little dangerous.
How about you, RJ?
Uh
He's stunned, folks.
Hey, why don't why don't
we take a little break?
And hold.
And now we're at break.
RJ, can we chat for a second?
We're just gonna
So, Jaden and Aaliyah there,
they're setting you up.
Feel free to just, like, jump right in.
I don't like to talk,
so I don't really know
if this is for me.
Oh, yeah. Okay.
Well, we can we can
we can find something else for you.
Maybe you could be the researcher.
Does that sound like fun?
Or I don't see why we
couldn't have a student replace
Mr. Eddie as the producer.
I get what you're trying to do,
but I think I'd just rather be at home.
See ya, Mr. Hill.
Okay. Um
So you think just anybody
can do this job?
[CHIMING]
Good morning, Abbott.
So now no one knows
if they're coming back
or they're gonna pull
the New York "Housewives"
- and just start over.
- Girlfriend, I told you,
I don't know these people,
and I don't care.
Melissa, Melissa,
what time did you give
your students the practice test?
Morning? Morning.
Whoo! I knew it. I knew it! Whoo!
Okay, so I was
racking my brain all last night.
And all yesterday
afternoon and all evening.
Yes, yes, yes. And you gave your
test first thing in the morning, right?
I gave mine after lunch,
therefore my kids were tired,
- thus they underperformed.
- Okay. Yeah. It could be that.
- Yeah.
- Or it could be that
[AS ALLEN IVERSON]
it's just practice, man.
It was just a practice. We're
talking about a practice test.
It was It was Allen Iverson.
- Am I the only Sixers fan? Come on.
- [SARCASTICALLY] Nice.
Piss off.
So I will be giving my kids
the test again in the morning.
Ooh, and won't the kids just love that?
They will! Thanks, Barb.
As a janitor, you're gonna run
into graffiti from time to time.
You never know when it's coming.
Mm.
[MARKER SQUEAKING]
What the hell?
Gregory, please.
How would you get that out?
Mm
I can't. You used a permanent marker.
What the hell?
Gregory, please.
That's amazing. How did you do that?
It's all in the flick of the wrist.
- That sounds like arthritis.
- You're damn right it is.
You can't learn this.
You gotta earn this.
Hey, Mr. Johnson, what's in that?
My lungs are burning.
Three parts moonshine,
one part you don't wanna know.
- Hey!
- What?!
You gonna get this?
[EXHALES SHARPLY] Ava,
can I redo the practice test?
[MOCKINGLY] "Ava,
can I redo the practice test?"
So annoying. Do whatever you want.
Wait. Come here.
Let me ask you a question.
Okay.
What's it like to date you?
Oh! Okay, well
dating me is like playing
a mysterious board game.
[SIGHS] I'm trying to figure out
- what it's like to date a poor.
- A what?
A poor. A singular of poor people.
You know, what do you and Gregory do?
Do you, like, walk around, or?
What do you eat for dinner?
We usually just eat at my place.
Oh. My Place. That sounds cute.
I never heard of that restaurant.
"My place" is where we cook the food
that we bought at the grocery store.
Oh, my God. [SCOFFS]
Please, only one annoying person
at a time.
Okay, well, I'm done.
I I have a serious question
about a student.
Now, why the hell
is everybody coming in here
asking me about students today?
I thought you might have
some information on RJ McCann.
Um, I'm struggling with him a bit.
You know who else
is struggling? His dad.
That man has the worst case
of struggle face I've ever seen.
It's like
Back to RJ, I just I need
to figure out something
to get him engaged in school.
Well, I see that's important,
because if you lose him in eighth grade,
he might be lost forever.
Well, I'm off to teach step class.
Wait! Can I Can I bring RJ?
Yeah. Just don't let his dad show up,
'cause whew, Lord. [LAUGHS]
- Oh, pretty color.
- [YAWNS] Oh, thank you.
And thank you so much
for taking me, Barb.
Ever since my nail salon burned down,
I have the hands of a
rock-climbing construction worker.
Yeah, you needed a manicure,
and I needed some me time
because Janine was working
my nerves this morning.
[AS ALLEN IVERSON] "I mean,
it's just practice, man.
You know? It's not the test.
It's just practice."
Right? [CHUCKLES]
You know, I remember
when I was a young teacher,
oh, I'd get so stressed out
about all this stuff.
And as annoying as it is
I understand.
Yeah, no, you're right.
She'll figure it out, just like we did.
Melissa, you ever think about retir
Wait, shh, shh.
This is about the strike.
Oh, wow. This is more exciting
than a high-speed car chase.
Hey, can you turn this up?
Can you turn that up?
[RHYTHMIC STOMPING]
Not bad.
Jacob, are you stupid?
He clearly hates this.
Yeah, I c I can see that. I'm just
I'm trying to find something
that he'll take to
so that he doesn't have to
go straight home.
Well, he should like that thing
if you want him to keep doing it.
You did ask the kid
what he enjoys, right?
'Kay, so you are stupid.
Stop guessing and just ask him.
RJ, come here.
What kinds of things do you like to do?
Hang out with friends.
I like to be outside.
Quiet. And nature's cool, I guess.
Hold that thought.
Do I have to keep stepping?
- Please don't.
- Thank you.
Girls.
Hey, come on, come on, come on.
Pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up.
Gregory! Gregory,
urgent question for you.
Is there room in your garden
for one more Goofball?
For the thousandth time,
that program is for the students.
No, no, not not for me, for RJ.
I think he would really thrive in it.
You know, this could've been a text
that you sent tomorrow.
Wait. Are you
Are you wearing a t-shirt?
- Cute!
- JANINE: Who's that? Is that Jacob?
- Janine!
- Jacob, can you hear me?
- Yeah!
- Can you see me?
- N-No.
- No.
- Can you reverse it?
- Well, I got you a
Press the It's in the, um
Jacob! Hi!
Oh, I'm working on my practice test,
so I can't really talk right now.
Well, that's why he didn't call you.
- Oh.
- Yeah.
- What are you up to?
- Well
[CELLPHONE CHIMES] Oh, wait.
Hold on. Gregory's getting an e-mail.
Who the hell is Angela
from GNC Customer Support?
Um, okay. Uh, RJ is welcome
to join the Goofballs.
- Okay.
- Uh, please text next time.
- Gregory, who's Angela?
- Yep. Mm-hmm.
- Who is that?
- No, she's not an issue
Alright, smarty pants, what
would you do in this situation?
To unclog a toilet,
I would use the plunger.
That's what they want you to do.
Who's they? Big plunger, baby boy.
Let me show you a little trick.
[SOFT SOBBING, SNIFFLING]
Morton, that you?
No
Come on now,
I know that sniffle anywhere.
I said it's not me.
Whatever it is, you can't move on
if you don't say what's going on.
[SNIFFLES] Everybody hates me.
Oh, come on now. What did I tell you?
How I shouldn't base my self-worth off
of other people's opinions of me.
Even if they're right.
[DOOR CREAKS] [SNIFFLES]
You didn't hear any of that, did you?
- Nah.
- Thanks, man.
I'm going to go get back to work.
You see, fixing what's broken
just requires a magic touch.
Okay.
[TOILET FLUSHES] Hey!
[CHUCKLES]
Barb, good news.
- 50% off all linens at the Ross?
- Uh, no. Not that.
My class retook the test
under the ideal conditions
in the morning,
bright-eyed and focused
and I set the thermostat to 89
in order to get it to the highly
productive temperature of 73.
- That's a whole lot of information.
- Yeah, yeah.
And you know what?
Now, they're probably
not gonna all be perfect scores,
but I'm just excited to see how
much they've improved, right?
- Yes.
- So here we go. Last one.
Alright. [CHUCKLES EXCITEDLY]
[IMITATES FANFARE]
Okay.
[IMITATES FANFARE]
Trombone. [IMITATES FANFARE]
Let's push it through. Yeah. Okay.
Ah. Okay, so it is official.
My class
straight up failed.
Womp, womp.
Melissa, these chocolate-covered raisins
are gonna be the death of me.
- Gregory, you want some?
- Oh.
No, thank you. I don't understand why
anyone would ruin a raisin
by dipping it in chocolate.
Man, you are sick.
Well, my kids failed the retest.
Even Claudia? She's a great student.
Yeah, even Claudia.
You know, I don't get it.
I It was the right time of day.
Their bellies were full,
but not too full.
They were bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.
Well, it looks like you figured
out what the problem is then.
- Mm-hmm.
- What?
- You.
- What?!
- Damn.
- No, no, no, no. I am not the problem.
My kids have passed
every year with flying colors.
The way I've taught the test works.
And now it doesn't.
Yeah, you can teach it the same way
five years, six years,
everything's fine.
Then you get a new group of kids,
all of a sudden it doesn't work anymore.
Mm-hmm. I remember once I had a class
I had to sing the ABCs
or they just didn't get it.
Oh, and you just had to sing?
I just thought I had it figured out.
I mean
like, isn't there some point
where you've just got it down?
No! Kid, "having it down"
means you gotta know
when to change it up.
Okay.
I guess I will try
trying something else.
- Switching up my methods.
- Okay.
I'm just happy that we all equally
helped you along this journey.
Aww, Gregory.
What part did you play?
Damn.
So when you have a word problem,
you can map out what
you're reading like this.
Okay, George has three cars.
Bruce has two times
as many cars as George.
So, how many cars does Bruce have?
- STUDENTS: Six!
- Six! Yes!
Let's hope he has a
driveway, right? Hey, Ava.
Hey.
Ah! I just had a breakthrough
with my students.
We came at test prep
a bit more visually,
so we're gonna need
to take the test again.
For a third time?
This isn't even a real test, Janine. No!
Let's see if they can solve
this word problem.
If you have one teacher who
is getting on all my nerves
Alright, you don't have to answer that.
[AVA LAUGHS]
Hey, uh, I was looking for you.
Okay.
I finished up on the second floor.
Great.
Do you need anything else before I go?
No.
Alright then, uh, I'll head out.
It was really good seeing you again.
You look nice.
Hi, Janine.
So [CLEARS THROAT]
O'Shon is the poor guy?
Don't eavesdrop on me.
You're in my classroom. [SIGHS]
- When you cook at home
- Mm-hmm?
do you wash the dishes yourself?
Ava, you are not rich.
Let's pull up our bank accounts
and put 'em side by side.
- I don't wanna do that.
- That's what I thought.
Okay.
Yeah. There you go.
Just like that, in the sun.
Oh, hey, RJ, that's really good.
Thanks. [SCOFFS]
How come he never compliments me?
'Cause you never do anything good.
[LAUGHTER]
How's he How's he doing?
Looks good.
Honestly, great. He's a natural.
I haven't seen anybody
this good at plants since
well, me.
Awesome. Yes.
Maybe Goofballs isn't his thing either.
But we'll find something he loves.
I'm not gonna give up.
I'm not gonna stop.
I'm gonna work harder.
I'm a survivor,
I'm gonna make it, I will s
Point is, w-we're gonna find,
um, the right fit for RJ.
And that's how I popularized
the phrase "That's trash."
What? That was you?
I also came up with "I'll be back,"
but that bum from Australia
stole it from me.
I got to be honest with you,
Mr. Johnson.
- Do you?
- Yeah, I do, because I respect you.
The district sent me here
to train with you
- so I could replace you.
- I know, son.
- But But I can never do what you do.
- [CHUCKLES] I know, son.
But, listen, you're gonna
make a great janitor.
[MACHINE BEEPS]
Just not here.
[WHIRRING] Wow.
Alright, what's this about?
Take a seat. I need to talk to you.
If I'm gonna let myself
be pursued by O'Shon,
I really need to understand
the mindset of a poor man.
And the only way to do that is
to go to the poorest man I know.
Say I could get you a $15,000 raise,
say the equivalent
of a district IT worker.
What would you do with it?
I'd to pay off my student loans.
Your student what?
Or buy a nicer car.
No. What would you do for Janine?
- Buy her a nicer car?
- This is what I came for.
Yeah, I'd probably
try to find a reliable
- pre-owned
- Ugh! Ugh!
- hybrid.
- Get out.
- So, am I getting a raise?
- No!
Why would I give you a raise?
You're so irresponsible with your money.
RJ, he's just
just your average kid, Billy.
You know, he takes SEPTA
just like you and me.
So I'm gonna figure it out.
And you know why, Billy?
Oh, let me guess.
Because it's your damn job?
You are such a good listener.
Yeah, well, legally, I'm not
allowed to wear headphones.
Oh! Time for news updates.
[EXHALES SHARPLY]
Oh. Wow. That c That can't be right.
It says that SEPTA's demands went unmet,
and they called the strike.
- That's news to me.
- MAN: Attention, drivers.
The city failed to meet our
very reasonable demands.
We will be going on strike.
Stand by for further updates.
Well, it looks like
you gotta get out, Jacob.
Oh, my God. It It's happening now?
[BRAKES HISS] Yeah, seems that way.
Yeah. Gotta stand by the working man.
Can you do that?
Proudly.
I believe in you.
WOMAN: Do we got to get out?
Oh! How exciting!
It's historic! Do we got to get out?
No, no, no. You guys are good.
Strike doesn't start till tomorrow.
But for him
it starts today.
[LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE]
Wait!
Billy!