Abbott Elementary (2021) s04e12 Episode Script
Girard Creek
ALICIA: We are here, outside the room
where the union and the city
are negotiating
for the 11th straight hour.
Ooh! I just don't know
how much longer I can do
this remote learning.
The city is never gonna cave.
I should just give up
and follow my dreams
of being a big-rig trucker.
One rest-stop bathroom
will snap that out of you real quick.
No buses is our new reality.
Yeah, this is terrible.
This is fantastic!
I know the strike has been
rough for everybody,
but for me, less kids means less trash.
And less trash means more me time.
I did some redecorating,
bought some property,
got in a little bit of trouble.
And won at the game of life.
I've never known peace like this.
I hope that strike never ends.
Alright. We are getting word right now.
Yes. They have reached a deal.
The SEPTA strike is over.
[ALL CHEERING]
That is how it is [BLEEP] done, people!
Damn!
[MAKER'S "HOLD'EM" PLAYING]
Now that hybrid learning has ended,
please return any equipment
we've loaned out
and yada yada yada.
Y'all know what to do.
I'm not repeating myself.
You never said it the first time.
- Good morning, everyone.
- Ugh.
Am I interrupting?
- Yes.
- AVA: Obviously.
How the hell did you get in here?
Oh, uh, Dia gave me a visitor's badge.
Don't be name-dropping my employee.
You don't know her like that.
I just learned her name this year.
That's strike two and a half, Dia!
Okay. So what do you want?
Well, I am here to formally
invite Abbott Elementary
and all of its students
to Girard Creek's
sneak peek of our
pre-grand opening preview.
- The what?
- It's a thank you.
You'll be able to see
the beautiful course.
There will be games, giveaways,
and we'll cover transportation.
Oh, sure, he's probably trying
to just round us all up
so we can help repair the divots.
- Mm-hmm.
- Rake the bunkers.
Pull Michael Jordan out of a golf hole.
Look, we know it's been
tough to be our neighbor
during this time.
Think of it as an apology.
Although let the record show
I have never used the words "I'm sorry"
or admitted fault of any kind.
We will not be bought.
[ALL MURMURING AGREEMENT]
Did I mention there's free food?
Oh, you should have led
with that. I'm in.
Let's do it.
[CELLPHONE CHIMES]
Crap. I finally got a reservation
at The Valet's Daughter.
The fancy new restaurant?
Why the "crap"?
Because Erika was gonna go with me,
but now she can't.
Oh.
Well, Janine, I never
pegged you for a
fine diner.
If you're referring to this,
it's what I call a glazed bagel.
Get into it.
Ah, man, I really wanted to try it.
It's like Parisian-French fusion.
- Hmm.
- Yeah.
How is that fusion?
Paris and France are in the same place.
Do you think they'll let me dine solo
if I promise to eat for two?
Because I can do it.
Umyou know, what if I went with you
to the restaurant?
Really?
But the the food, it's like, um
It's got ingredients
and flavors together.
- Yeah, yeah, I know.
- Okay.
But I can I can find something.
It'll be fun to dive
into the world of cuisine.
You two are gonna have such a good time.
Gerald and I, we love cooking together.
- Aw.
- But what really gets us cooking
is a great meal in a fancy restaurant.
If you get my meaning.
- Yes.
- Unfortunately, I do.
So great to see you all
back here again in person,
where we can make eye contact.
Stop looking at me, bro.
Tomorrow we are going to
the golf course.
So we've got a lot of work to do today.
Everybody, please open
your books to chapter 10.
Hey, RJ, I just want you to know
I haven't given up
on finding something
that sparks joy for you.
Are you serious? We tried and we failed.
Can't we just be proud of that?
The one thing I will never be proud of
is letting down one of my students.
I'm not gonna give up on this.
Or on teaching Janine
how to play Spades.
JANINE: It's nice. Smells good.
But, you know, we should have a plan
in case there's a "Get Out" situation.
Oh, I always do.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
- Wow.
Well, they pulled out all the stops.
Yeah. Look.
JANINE: A banner is hardly a stop.
Ava makes one every time
she likes her outfit.
And I'll make one for you
if you ever wear a nice outfit.
[MURMURS MOCKINGLY]
Abbott Elementary,
welcome to Girard Creek.
Through the window, you can see
our pristine 18-hole course,
formerly the ancestral homeland
of the Lenape people,
who we hope are doing very well.
Um, over there, you can sign up
for raffles and prizes.
There's games for the kids.
Oh, and at some point, you have to try
the Alba white truffles just flown in.
Took me six months to source those
from a remote province in Italy.
They're absolutely breathtaking.
Was that enough stops for you, Janine?
[LAUGHS]
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
That's real crab. It's not imitation.
You can't even get this at Outback.
Whoa. Thank you.
Give me, like, three more.
Okay.
Place is whatever.
Those flowers are
probably from the store.
- They're not even.
- Wow.
I was not expecting this.
Oh, Jacob, do not be fooled
by one photo of a black man.
Yeah, you're right.
It probably came with the frame.
Charlie Sifford,
the first African American
to play on the PGA tour.
Yeah, that's, like, Golf 101.
Yeah, I learned that in
Black History Month years ago.
Oh, well, um, we love celebrating
the rich and diverse history of the game
that you two seem to be
so familiar with.
Are you finding everything
to your liking?
No. We're not actually, no.
Yeah, because we've been
here, like, five minutes
and we haven't been offered a bev
- Arnold Palmer?
- erage.
Yeah, if you're gonna
just put it in my face,
yeah, I'll have one.
So thanks.
The ratio was way off.
It's, like, not enough Arnold
and too much Palmer, so
I'll tell the kitchen.
Mm-hmm.
So now I remember.
- Ahi tuna?
- [BLEEP] no.
Oh! Um
My bad. My bad.
If you can't take tuna,
you certainly won't go far
at The Valet's Daughter.
There's nothing on that menu
that I can eat.
Everything's either dusted and
crusted or not to be trusted.
Gregory, the ability to share
a nice meal together
is the cornerstone
of every healthy relationship.
And that Janine can eat.
It's incredible how much food
she can fit in that little body.
Uh, I do not mean to pry,
but what is it about some foods in you
that generates such unique responses?
Where do I begin?
I don't like a bunch of flavors
on the same plate.
I don't like things that are chewy,
and I really don't like
Okay, alright, that is enough.
[CHUCKLES]
Alright, so, um, what about, um,
exposure therapy?
Hmm?
No.
Alright then. So you are fine
disappointing Janine.
- Ma'am?
- Mm-hmm.
Okay. So the next time
a waiter comes this way with a tray,
you will take the napkin, some food,
and like a human man,
you will smile and say, "Thank you."
That's it.
[SIGHS] Alright. Here we go.
Incoming. Remember
Food-napkin-smile- thank you.
Deviled quail egg?
Ooh!
Napkin.
Food.
Smile. Thank you.
That one looks good.
Yeah. Yeah.
I'm just considering all the options.
[STUDENTS CHEERING]
You know, I was skeptical.
But if the kids are having such a blast,
can we really complain?
I mean, it seems seems pretty fun.
It's whatever. [CHUCKLES]
Are you wearing course merch?
Well, it was [STAMMERS] It's cold.
It was in the swag bag.
It's performance fleece. Awesome.
MILES: Can you say that again,
but can you say my question
in your answer?
Why do you love this golf course?
I love this golf course
because I get to hang out
with my friends
and most importantly, not be at school.
Okay, let's try it again.
More energetic.
Hey. Hey. What's going on here?
Nothing.
Just talking to some of the students.
Getting feedback.
Oh, okay. Feedback on what?
On the course.
Okay, so you're getting feedback
on a professional golf course
from amateur children?
Yep. They are our future.
[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]
We good?
Yeah, we got it.
Uh, got what?
Afabulous pasta bar.
Go see for yourselves.
Look.
I do not like that guy.
Yeah. Me neither.
But I will go see for myself.
I am pretty hungry.
How can you still be hungry?
It's all the Palmers.
Darius? Um
What did that man
What did that man just ask you?
He asked why I love this golf course.
And I said because it's fun
and better than being at school.
Mm-hmm. Sweetie, listen to me.
You don't have to lie. Right?
Because we both know
school is pretty cool.
I wasn't lying. Can I go now?
It looks like RJ is taking a break.
Hey. Hey, buddy.
You know that, like,
if anybody's asking you weird questions,
like like if you like it here
- that you don't have to lie to him, right?
- Yeah.
Why would I lie? This has been great.
Great? Wow.
It's so nice to hear you say that.
Um, great how?
I don't know, I think I like golf.
I got to, uh
- Yeah. Yeah, of course.
- Hmm.
Italian Alba white truffle. May I?
- You may.
- Hit me.
Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Sort of a bitch, that's good.
Truffle me, please. Mm.
Damn.
They spent some real money on this.
And do you know
who we have to thank? Me.
Blackmailing works.
And now we get to live the dream.
Mm-hmm. [CLEARS THROAT]
I didn't say when yet, big
dog. Keep it coming.
That'll do.
Do you have any idea
how much those Italian Alba
white truffles go for?
Of course I do. 4K a pound.
Yeah. I don't even think
anybody'd notice
if they went missing.
That guy's barely looking.
Kind of like they're
begging us to steal.
Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
I'm feeling a little bit heisty.
You be the Ocean's? I'll be the Eleven?
Catch me if you can.
Hmm. We about to set it off.
I'm up for this Italian job.
We'd be gone in 60 seconds.
- And then we'd be out of sight.
- Out of sight.
- Oh!
- Girl
[CLEARS THROAT]
Okay. Get in so we get everybody
in the picture.
What's up, guys? What's going on?
Oh, hi.
We're just gathering everybody
together for a group photo
to commemorate your visit.
- Okay.
- So, Miss Teagues,
if I could have you
right here down front
just to make sure we could see you.
Hi. If I could have you two
just follow me,
I have a special spot for you.
How about just right there
behind all the kids there?
Just right in that corner there?
Why are they putting us
all the way in the back?
This is a new jacket.
Mr. C, do you know where I can get
cheap golf clubs?
Uh, I don't think cheap
and golf is really a thing,
but, hey, have you ever tried soccer?
It's the most played sport in the world.
I'm 13. Of course I've tried soccer.
Yeah.
Hey, Mr. Nathaniel,
this place is so cool.
- How can I join?
- Oh, I'll tell you what.
When you get a little bit older,
come on back.
We'll have something
real special for you.
Every great golfer needs a great caddie.
Okay. Looking good.
Just one thing.
Hi, buddy. Here we go. Oh, um
Sorry. Alright.
I'm gonna put you right about there.
I'm sorry. Oh, sorry. Hi.
What exactly are you doing?
Oh. Just composition.
Hi, Charlie.
I just want to make sure everybody
gets seen by the camera.
So just be with your classmates.
- And if I could have you
- Are you sure?
'Cause you can't see him.
I think we got him. We got him?
Yeah. Okay. Oh. [DOG BARKS]
[LAUGHS] Oh, my gosh, three legs.
- Are you kidding me? Look at that.
- Puppy?
Okay, my friend, if you could just
hold that leash. I'm holding him.
- Okay. Uh, why the dog?
- Yeah.
Uh, club mascot.
Okay, everybody who's ready to do this,
say cheese.
ALL: Cheese!
[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING]
That photo op
It was weird, wasn't it?
Stop being ableist, Janine.
That three-legged dog ain't
gonna do nothing to you.
No, not the dog, but
But actually, yeah, the dog.
Janine, give it a rest, okay?
We're in the middle of something here.
Yeah, we heistin'.
You ready?
What? What is heisting?
Everyone! [CHUCKLES] A little
afternoon entertainment.
Watch me do a front handspring step out,
roundoff,
back handspring,
roundoff, back handspring,
full twisting layout.
Keep your eyes peeled.
You don't want to miss this. Okay?
Alright. Wait.
Let me back up a little bit.
That's what it is. I gotta run into it.
Make sure you stay out the way,
because I want to kick you.
Ahh. You know what?
Actually, never mind, I totally forgot
I don't even know how to do that.
[LAUGHS] Carry on.
You'll never know what you don't like
until you try it.
Oh.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
We have shrimp ceviche
in watermelon cups.
Oh.
Napkin. Ahh!
Food.
Smile. Yes.
Shrimp Alright. No, no, no.
No! I'm not eating this, okay?
I can't do this. I'm a freak.
Okay, I'm a freak!
- Sea urchin.
- Are you crazy?
Why does RJ have to like
a sport that's so exclusionary?
I know, and I want to say
a win is a win.
But I cannot help this feeling
I have in my gut that something is off.
AVA: What the hell?
What?
I'm doing this big money truffle deal.
Truffle deal? What's a truffle deal?
Do you want to listen to
the story or be nosey?
- You said truffle deal. I don't know
- Look at this.
"We're giving back to
communities in need.
A hole in one for diversity.
Hashtag inclusivity,
hashtag black lives matter,
hashtag threeleggeddog "
- "Charity Day"?!
- "Charity Day"?!
I don't mind a little post to boost
engagement, but we're not charity.
What the
I love this golf course
because I can hang out with my friends.
I knew it, I knew it!
I knew something was off.
I felt it in my gut,
and it wasn't my base-level anxiety
because it was a little bit to the left.
They were just playing us
this whole time
and they even got RJ.
Mnh, mnh, mnh.
Come on. Hey.
[JACOB CLEARS THROAT]
You're using us.
Oh. Really? Just like you used us.
I'd say it's par for the course.
Oh, wow. So you invited us here,
stuffed us full of Arnold Palmers
just to, what, make you look good
for your white members?
You didn't have to drink
the Arnold Palmers.
- That's low.
- How could you do that to the kids
and to this poor three-legged dog?
Where'd you even steal him from, huh?
Please. He wandered on the
course about an hour ago,
and we chose to let him live,
which is against club policy.
Come on. "Wandered onto the course"?
He probably needs a home.
I-I-I could foster to adopt.
Build a life together.
- Janine
- Yeah.
Right. Right. We're gonna stop him.
So cute though.
- JACOB: Janine!
- Yes.
I knew we couldn't trust him.
All the signs were there.
He has two first names.
Who even has two first names?
Uh, Gregory Eddie.
Oh, my God.
No. No, no, no,
let's not jump to conclusions.
Maybe Eddie is short
for something. Edward.
Edward is a name, too. Um
I just I just can't believe
that they would stoop so low.
- Yeah. It's disgusting.
- Mm-hmm.
What is that stuffed in your jacket?
Nothing. What are you, a cop?
You pervert!
- What?
- Don't look at me.
Just exploiting the kids
for a photo op, it's
Yeah, it's just not right.
And more importantly,
I can't be out here
looking like a charity case.
Mm-hmm. What can we even do?
I mean, they already got
what they wanted, so
We force them to make good
on their promise.
[SIGHS]
I said no.
Uh I know you must be starving.
Oh, thank God. Just butter and noodles.
Mm-hmm.
[SIGHS]
Gregory, have you
always eaten like this?
You know what? No.
When I was younger, I had
a very sophisticated palate.
Of course I always ate like this.
I grew up in a military family.
We only ate for efficiency.
Protein, carbs, vegetables.
All had a place.
Nothing ever touches,
the same thing every week.
Hmm.
Never even had a chance
to be exposed to anything new.
- Gregory
- Hmm?
look at your plate.
Truffles.
But I don't like truffles.
Have you ever tried truffles?
No, but I knew I wouldn't like them.
Well, you could have fooled me
because you ate them.
I did.
You did.
It feels nice to feel hope.
JACOB: Do you have a second?
Yeah, you do.
JANINE: Ha. What's up?
So, since you like giving back so much,
we got a proposition for you.
I didn't say I like giving back so much.
We want a free golf club. Mm-hmm.
No, but you can buy
a putter on sale for $300.
Not a club, a program, okay?
Here at Girard Creek
for the students at Abbott.
Yeah. And why would I do that?
Because I've seen some of my students
light up here in a way
that I have never seen before.
Not hearing why we would do this.
Okay, well, it would be
- a huge tax break for the club.
- Mm-hmm.
Oh. Yeah. Okay. Alright.
The magic words.
- Yay!
- See?
Psych! [LAUGHS]
We get plenty of tax breaks.
- Of course you do.
- Okay. You know what?
Let's just kick his ass. Gregory!
He fights parents. Mm-hmm.
Janine filled me in.
I've been waiting outside.
- Are we good?
- Oh, okay. Yeah.
Add an assault charge
while you're at it.
Yeah. We'll take the charge.
Melissa, you hit him.
Oh, I'll hit him, alright.
What about this?
Does this look familiar, big guy?
Hey, my Alba white truffles.
- Unh-unh-unh-unh.
- No, don't hurt them.
I need them for the real
grand opening next week.
Yeah, you showed your hand.
- You silly bitch.
- JANINE: Yeah.
MELISSA: Be a shame if something
happened to them.
- Yeah. Real shame.
- Oh. [STAMMERS]
And what would you even do with them?
[CHUCKLING NERVOUSLY]
Hey, hey, hey. Stop it!
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Sir. Please, sir.
- JANINE: Gregory, that's a mushroom.
- Stop it! Stop!
- What are you doing?
- Stop, stop, stop!
Hey, hey, hey, hey! No, no, no!
Please don't! Oh! Oh!
[CRYING] No!
Yeah! Yeah, yeah.
Give in or he will eat
every last one of those.
AVA: Yeah.
Okay. Alright. Okay. Alright.
Done deal! Done deal!
Ha!
There you go.
And what's in your Arnold Palmers?
I know it's lemonade,
but there's something else, isn't there?
Huh? Another ingredient?
How many Arnold Palmers have you had?
Seventeen!
Tell me what's in 'em!
Come on. You're alright. You're alright.
Pleasure doing business with you.
JANINE: I want to know.
Uh
everybody alright?
Lemonade, 100%.
You know? I know that's in there,
but it's not 100% of the drink, right?
There's at least one other ingredient.
I ruled out Pepsi.
It turns out it's not carbonated.
I was just blowing bubbles, but
Yo, what's up, RJ?
What's up? Yo.
Golf Club is gonna be the move.
Do I have to be good?
Nah. Anybody can join.
We're just having fun.
I'm in.
I'm trying to be like you, RJ.
You like a black Tiger Woods.
- RJ: Yeah.
- Oh
Just let RJ have the moment.
Jacob, you did a really good thing.
Yeah, this is really cool, man.
RJ's finally gonna have a place for him.
And you made it happen, kid.
Um, I think if we check the tape,
we'll find that I did the heist
and I found their IG page,
but, yeah, good stuff, Jacob.
JANINE: It's amazing.
This was a very tough journey,
but your hard work paid off.
I'm really proud of you.
Mm-hmm.
I am so happy that RJ found his thing.
But his issues don't end
with a golf club.
And every student at the school
has something going on.
You know, I hate
that I don't have the bandwidth
to give each of them
that that kind of attention.
I wish I could, but
you know, it's hard.
This petite gem lettuce in this sauce,
I didn't know you could do that.
Yeah, that's salad dressing.
- Is that what that is?
- Yep. Mm-hmm.
And this lamb osso buco
in this blood is, um
Well, now, that's a red wine
reduction, not not blood.
Red wine is good.
- It's very good. Absolutely.
- These These vegetables,
all the flavors are just, like,
dancing around in my mouth.
Mm-hmm. Having a ball.
- Right?
- Right.
And these garlic mussels
Gregory, I can't eat this.
Oh, thank God. That was really trying.
Janine, I just like truffles.
Oh, yay.
Can we go get some of those?
- We can talk about it.
- Okay.
We just learned
they're really expensive.
Okay. Alright.
- Let's go.
- Do we have to pay?
We can pay on the way out, I think.
- On the way out.
- Yeah.
where the union and the city
are negotiating
for the 11th straight hour.
Ooh! I just don't know
how much longer I can do
this remote learning.
The city is never gonna cave.
I should just give up
and follow my dreams
of being a big-rig trucker.
One rest-stop bathroom
will snap that out of you real quick.
No buses is our new reality.
Yeah, this is terrible.
This is fantastic!
I know the strike has been
rough for everybody,
but for me, less kids means less trash.
And less trash means more me time.
I did some redecorating,
bought some property,
got in a little bit of trouble.
And won at the game of life.
I've never known peace like this.
I hope that strike never ends.
Alright. We are getting word right now.
Yes. They have reached a deal.
The SEPTA strike is over.
[ALL CHEERING]
That is how it is [BLEEP] done, people!
Damn!
[MAKER'S "HOLD'EM" PLAYING]
Now that hybrid learning has ended,
please return any equipment
we've loaned out
and yada yada yada.
Y'all know what to do.
I'm not repeating myself.
You never said it the first time.
- Good morning, everyone.
- Ugh.
Am I interrupting?
- Yes.
- AVA: Obviously.
How the hell did you get in here?
Oh, uh, Dia gave me a visitor's badge.
Don't be name-dropping my employee.
You don't know her like that.
I just learned her name this year.
That's strike two and a half, Dia!
Okay. So what do you want?
Well, I am here to formally
invite Abbott Elementary
and all of its students
to Girard Creek's
sneak peek of our
pre-grand opening preview.
- The what?
- It's a thank you.
You'll be able to see
the beautiful course.
There will be games, giveaways,
and we'll cover transportation.
Oh, sure, he's probably trying
to just round us all up
so we can help repair the divots.
- Mm-hmm.
- Rake the bunkers.
Pull Michael Jordan out of a golf hole.
Look, we know it's been
tough to be our neighbor
during this time.
Think of it as an apology.
Although let the record show
I have never used the words "I'm sorry"
or admitted fault of any kind.
We will not be bought.
[ALL MURMURING AGREEMENT]
Did I mention there's free food?
Oh, you should have led
with that. I'm in.
Let's do it.
[CELLPHONE CHIMES]
Crap. I finally got a reservation
at The Valet's Daughter.
The fancy new restaurant?
Why the "crap"?
Because Erika was gonna go with me,
but now she can't.
Oh.
Well, Janine, I never
pegged you for a
fine diner.
If you're referring to this,
it's what I call a glazed bagel.
Get into it.
Ah, man, I really wanted to try it.
It's like Parisian-French fusion.
- Hmm.
- Yeah.
How is that fusion?
Paris and France are in the same place.
Do you think they'll let me dine solo
if I promise to eat for two?
Because I can do it.
Umyou know, what if I went with you
to the restaurant?
Really?
But the the food, it's like, um
It's got ingredients
and flavors together.
- Yeah, yeah, I know.
- Okay.
But I can I can find something.
It'll be fun to dive
into the world of cuisine.
You two are gonna have such a good time.
Gerald and I, we love cooking together.
- Aw.
- But what really gets us cooking
is a great meal in a fancy restaurant.
If you get my meaning.
- Yes.
- Unfortunately, I do.
So great to see you all
back here again in person,
where we can make eye contact.
Stop looking at me, bro.
Tomorrow we are going to
the golf course.
So we've got a lot of work to do today.
Everybody, please open
your books to chapter 10.
Hey, RJ, I just want you to know
I haven't given up
on finding something
that sparks joy for you.
Are you serious? We tried and we failed.
Can't we just be proud of that?
The one thing I will never be proud of
is letting down one of my students.
I'm not gonna give up on this.
Or on teaching Janine
how to play Spades.
JANINE: It's nice. Smells good.
But, you know, we should have a plan
in case there's a "Get Out" situation.
Oh, I always do.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
- Wow.
Well, they pulled out all the stops.
Yeah. Look.
JANINE: A banner is hardly a stop.
Ava makes one every time
she likes her outfit.
And I'll make one for you
if you ever wear a nice outfit.
[MURMURS MOCKINGLY]
Abbott Elementary,
welcome to Girard Creek.
Through the window, you can see
our pristine 18-hole course,
formerly the ancestral homeland
of the Lenape people,
who we hope are doing very well.
Um, over there, you can sign up
for raffles and prizes.
There's games for the kids.
Oh, and at some point, you have to try
the Alba white truffles just flown in.
Took me six months to source those
from a remote province in Italy.
They're absolutely breathtaking.
Was that enough stops for you, Janine?
[LAUGHS]
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
That's real crab. It's not imitation.
You can't even get this at Outback.
Whoa. Thank you.
Give me, like, three more.
Okay.
Place is whatever.
Those flowers are
probably from the store.
- They're not even.
- Wow.
I was not expecting this.
Oh, Jacob, do not be fooled
by one photo of a black man.
Yeah, you're right.
It probably came with the frame.
Charlie Sifford,
the first African American
to play on the PGA tour.
Yeah, that's, like, Golf 101.
Yeah, I learned that in
Black History Month years ago.
Oh, well, um, we love celebrating
the rich and diverse history of the game
that you two seem to be
so familiar with.
Are you finding everything
to your liking?
No. We're not actually, no.
Yeah, because we've been
here, like, five minutes
and we haven't been offered a bev
- Arnold Palmer?
- erage.
Yeah, if you're gonna
just put it in my face,
yeah, I'll have one.
So thanks.
The ratio was way off.
It's, like, not enough Arnold
and too much Palmer, so
I'll tell the kitchen.
Mm-hmm.
So now I remember.
- Ahi tuna?
- [BLEEP] no.
Oh! Um
My bad. My bad.
If you can't take tuna,
you certainly won't go far
at The Valet's Daughter.
There's nothing on that menu
that I can eat.
Everything's either dusted and
crusted or not to be trusted.
Gregory, the ability to share
a nice meal together
is the cornerstone
of every healthy relationship.
And that Janine can eat.
It's incredible how much food
she can fit in that little body.
Uh, I do not mean to pry,
but what is it about some foods in you
that generates such unique responses?
Where do I begin?
I don't like a bunch of flavors
on the same plate.
I don't like things that are chewy,
and I really don't like
Okay, alright, that is enough.
[CHUCKLES]
Alright, so, um, what about, um,
exposure therapy?
Hmm?
No.
Alright then. So you are fine
disappointing Janine.
- Ma'am?
- Mm-hmm.
Okay. So the next time
a waiter comes this way with a tray,
you will take the napkin, some food,
and like a human man,
you will smile and say, "Thank you."
That's it.
[SIGHS] Alright. Here we go.
Incoming. Remember
Food-napkin-smile- thank you.
Deviled quail egg?
Ooh!
Napkin.
Food.
Smile. Thank you.
That one looks good.
Yeah. Yeah.
I'm just considering all the options.
[STUDENTS CHEERING]
You know, I was skeptical.
But if the kids are having such a blast,
can we really complain?
I mean, it seems seems pretty fun.
It's whatever. [CHUCKLES]
Are you wearing course merch?
Well, it was [STAMMERS] It's cold.
It was in the swag bag.
It's performance fleece. Awesome.
MILES: Can you say that again,
but can you say my question
in your answer?
Why do you love this golf course?
I love this golf course
because I get to hang out
with my friends
and most importantly, not be at school.
Okay, let's try it again.
More energetic.
Hey. Hey. What's going on here?
Nothing.
Just talking to some of the students.
Getting feedback.
Oh, okay. Feedback on what?
On the course.
Okay, so you're getting feedback
on a professional golf course
from amateur children?
Yep. They are our future.
[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]
We good?
Yeah, we got it.
Uh, got what?
Afabulous pasta bar.
Go see for yourselves.
Look.
I do not like that guy.
Yeah. Me neither.
But I will go see for myself.
I am pretty hungry.
How can you still be hungry?
It's all the Palmers.
Darius? Um
What did that man
What did that man just ask you?
He asked why I love this golf course.
And I said because it's fun
and better than being at school.
Mm-hmm. Sweetie, listen to me.
You don't have to lie. Right?
Because we both know
school is pretty cool.
I wasn't lying. Can I go now?
It looks like RJ is taking a break.
Hey. Hey, buddy.
You know that, like,
if anybody's asking you weird questions,
like like if you like it here
- that you don't have to lie to him, right?
- Yeah.
Why would I lie? This has been great.
Great? Wow.
It's so nice to hear you say that.
Um, great how?
I don't know, I think I like golf.
I got to, uh
- Yeah. Yeah, of course.
- Hmm.
Italian Alba white truffle. May I?
- You may.
- Hit me.
Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Sort of a bitch, that's good.
Truffle me, please. Mm.
Damn.
They spent some real money on this.
And do you know
who we have to thank? Me.
Blackmailing works.
And now we get to live the dream.
Mm-hmm. [CLEARS THROAT]
I didn't say when yet, big
dog. Keep it coming.
That'll do.
Do you have any idea
how much those Italian Alba
white truffles go for?
Of course I do. 4K a pound.
Yeah. I don't even think
anybody'd notice
if they went missing.
That guy's barely looking.
Kind of like they're
begging us to steal.
Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
I'm feeling a little bit heisty.
You be the Ocean's? I'll be the Eleven?
Catch me if you can.
Hmm. We about to set it off.
I'm up for this Italian job.
We'd be gone in 60 seconds.
- And then we'd be out of sight.
- Out of sight.
- Oh!
- Girl
[CLEARS THROAT]
Okay. Get in so we get everybody
in the picture.
What's up, guys? What's going on?
Oh, hi.
We're just gathering everybody
together for a group photo
to commemorate your visit.
- Okay.
- So, Miss Teagues,
if I could have you
right here down front
just to make sure we could see you.
Hi. If I could have you two
just follow me,
I have a special spot for you.
How about just right there
behind all the kids there?
Just right in that corner there?
Why are they putting us
all the way in the back?
This is a new jacket.
Mr. C, do you know where I can get
cheap golf clubs?
Uh, I don't think cheap
and golf is really a thing,
but, hey, have you ever tried soccer?
It's the most played sport in the world.
I'm 13. Of course I've tried soccer.
Yeah.
Hey, Mr. Nathaniel,
this place is so cool.
- How can I join?
- Oh, I'll tell you what.
When you get a little bit older,
come on back.
We'll have something
real special for you.
Every great golfer needs a great caddie.
Okay. Looking good.
Just one thing.
Hi, buddy. Here we go. Oh, um
Sorry. Alright.
I'm gonna put you right about there.
I'm sorry. Oh, sorry. Hi.
What exactly are you doing?
Oh. Just composition.
Hi, Charlie.
I just want to make sure everybody
gets seen by the camera.
So just be with your classmates.
- And if I could have you
- Are you sure?
'Cause you can't see him.
I think we got him. We got him?
Yeah. Okay. Oh. [DOG BARKS]
[LAUGHS] Oh, my gosh, three legs.
- Are you kidding me? Look at that.
- Puppy?
Okay, my friend, if you could just
hold that leash. I'm holding him.
- Okay. Uh, why the dog?
- Yeah.
Uh, club mascot.
Okay, everybody who's ready to do this,
say cheese.
ALL: Cheese!
[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING]
That photo op
It was weird, wasn't it?
Stop being ableist, Janine.
That three-legged dog ain't
gonna do nothing to you.
No, not the dog, but
But actually, yeah, the dog.
Janine, give it a rest, okay?
We're in the middle of something here.
Yeah, we heistin'.
You ready?
What? What is heisting?
Everyone! [CHUCKLES] A little
afternoon entertainment.
Watch me do a front handspring step out,
roundoff,
back handspring,
roundoff, back handspring,
full twisting layout.
Keep your eyes peeled.
You don't want to miss this. Okay?
Alright. Wait.
Let me back up a little bit.
That's what it is. I gotta run into it.
Make sure you stay out the way,
because I want to kick you.
Ahh. You know what?
Actually, never mind, I totally forgot
I don't even know how to do that.
[LAUGHS] Carry on.
You'll never know what you don't like
until you try it.
Oh.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
We have shrimp ceviche
in watermelon cups.
Oh.
Napkin. Ahh!
Food.
Smile. Yes.
Shrimp Alright. No, no, no.
No! I'm not eating this, okay?
I can't do this. I'm a freak.
Okay, I'm a freak!
- Sea urchin.
- Are you crazy?
Why does RJ have to like
a sport that's so exclusionary?
I know, and I want to say
a win is a win.
But I cannot help this feeling
I have in my gut that something is off.
AVA: What the hell?
What?
I'm doing this big money truffle deal.
Truffle deal? What's a truffle deal?
Do you want to listen to
the story or be nosey?
- You said truffle deal. I don't know
- Look at this.
"We're giving back to
communities in need.
A hole in one for diversity.
Hashtag inclusivity,
hashtag black lives matter,
hashtag threeleggeddog "
- "Charity Day"?!
- "Charity Day"?!
I don't mind a little post to boost
engagement, but we're not charity.
What the
I love this golf course
because I can hang out with my friends.
I knew it, I knew it!
I knew something was off.
I felt it in my gut,
and it wasn't my base-level anxiety
because it was a little bit to the left.
They were just playing us
this whole time
and they even got RJ.
Mnh, mnh, mnh.
Come on. Hey.
[JACOB CLEARS THROAT]
You're using us.
Oh. Really? Just like you used us.
I'd say it's par for the course.
Oh, wow. So you invited us here,
stuffed us full of Arnold Palmers
just to, what, make you look good
for your white members?
You didn't have to drink
the Arnold Palmers.
- That's low.
- How could you do that to the kids
and to this poor three-legged dog?
Where'd you even steal him from, huh?
Please. He wandered on the
course about an hour ago,
and we chose to let him live,
which is against club policy.
Come on. "Wandered onto the course"?
He probably needs a home.
I-I-I could foster to adopt.
Build a life together.
- Janine
- Yeah.
Right. Right. We're gonna stop him.
So cute though.
- JACOB: Janine!
- Yes.
I knew we couldn't trust him.
All the signs were there.
He has two first names.
Who even has two first names?
Uh, Gregory Eddie.
Oh, my God.
No. No, no, no,
let's not jump to conclusions.
Maybe Eddie is short
for something. Edward.
Edward is a name, too. Um
I just I just can't believe
that they would stoop so low.
- Yeah. It's disgusting.
- Mm-hmm.
What is that stuffed in your jacket?
Nothing. What are you, a cop?
You pervert!
- What?
- Don't look at me.
Just exploiting the kids
for a photo op, it's
Yeah, it's just not right.
And more importantly,
I can't be out here
looking like a charity case.
Mm-hmm. What can we even do?
I mean, they already got
what they wanted, so
We force them to make good
on their promise.
[SIGHS]
I said no.
Uh I know you must be starving.
Oh, thank God. Just butter and noodles.
Mm-hmm.
[SIGHS]
Gregory, have you
always eaten like this?
You know what? No.
When I was younger, I had
a very sophisticated palate.
Of course I always ate like this.
I grew up in a military family.
We only ate for efficiency.
Protein, carbs, vegetables.
All had a place.
Nothing ever touches,
the same thing every week.
Hmm.
Never even had a chance
to be exposed to anything new.
- Gregory
- Hmm?
look at your plate.
Truffles.
But I don't like truffles.
Have you ever tried truffles?
No, but I knew I wouldn't like them.
Well, you could have fooled me
because you ate them.
I did.
You did.
It feels nice to feel hope.
JACOB: Do you have a second?
Yeah, you do.
JANINE: Ha. What's up?
So, since you like giving back so much,
we got a proposition for you.
I didn't say I like giving back so much.
We want a free golf club. Mm-hmm.
No, but you can buy
a putter on sale for $300.
Not a club, a program, okay?
Here at Girard Creek
for the students at Abbott.
Yeah. And why would I do that?
Because I've seen some of my students
light up here in a way
that I have never seen before.
Not hearing why we would do this.
Okay, well, it would be
- a huge tax break for the club.
- Mm-hmm.
Oh. Yeah. Okay. Alright.
The magic words.
- Yay!
- See?
Psych! [LAUGHS]
We get plenty of tax breaks.
- Of course you do.
- Okay. You know what?
Let's just kick his ass. Gregory!
He fights parents. Mm-hmm.
Janine filled me in.
I've been waiting outside.
- Are we good?
- Oh, okay. Yeah.
Add an assault charge
while you're at it.
Yeah. We'll take the charge.
Melissa, you hit him.
Oh, I'll hit him, alright.
What about this?
Does this look familiar, big guy?
Hey, my Alba white truffles.
- Unh-unh-unh-unh.
- No, don't hurt them.
I need them for the real
grand opening next week.
Yeah, you showed your hand.
- You silly bitch.
- JANINE: Yeah.
MELISSA: Be a shame if something
happened to them.
- Yeah. Real shame.
- Oh. [STAMMERS]
And what would you even do with them?
[CHUCKLING NERVOUSLY]
Hey, hey, hey. Stop it!
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Sir. Please, sir.
- JANINE: Gregory, that's a mushroom.
- Stop it! Stop!
- What are you doing?
- Stop, stop, stop!
Hey, hey, hey, hey! No, no, no!
Please don't! Oh! Oh!
[CRYING] No!
Yeah! Yeah, yeah.
Give in or he will eat
every last one of those.
AVA: Yeah.
Okay. Alright. Okay. Alright.
Done deal! Done deal!
Ha!
There you go.
And what's in your Arnold Palmers?
I know it's lemonade,
but there's something else, isn't there?
Huh? Another ingredient?
How many Arnold Palmers have you had?
Seventeen!
Tell me what's in 'em!
Come on. You're alright. You're alright.
Pleasure doing business with you.
JANINE: I want to know.
Uh
everybody alright?
Lemonade, 100%.
You know? I know that's in there,
but it's not 100% of the drink, right?
There's at least one other ingredient.
I ruled out Pepsi.
It turns out it's not carbonated.
I was just blowing bubbles, but
Yo, what's up, RJ?
What's up? Yo.
Golf Club is gonna be the move.
Do I have to be good?
Nah. Anybody can join.
We're just having fun.
I'm in.
I'm trying to be like you, RJ.
You like a black Tiger Woods.
- RJ: Yeah.
- Oh
Just let RJ have the moment.
Jacob, you did a really good thing.
Yeah, this is really cool, man.
RJ's finally gonna have a place for him.
And you made it happen, kid.
Um, I think if we check the tape,
we'll find that I did the heist
and I found their IG page,
but, yeah, good stuff, Jacob.
JANINE: It's amazing.
This was a very tough journey,
but your hard work paid off.
I'm really proud of you.
Mm-hmm.
I am so happy that RJ found his thing.
But his issues don't end
with a golf club.
And every student at the school
has something going on.
You know, I hate
that I don't have the bandwidth
to give each of them
that that kind of attention.
I wish I could, but
you know, it's hard.
This petite gem lettuce in this sauce,
I didn't know you could do that.
Yeah, that's salad dressing.
- Is that what that is?
- Yep. Mm-hmm.
And this lamb osso buco
in this blood is, um
Well, now, that's a red wine
reduction, not not blood.
Red wine is good.
- It's very good. Absolutely.
- These These vegetables,
all the flavors are just, like,
dancing around in my mouth.
Mm-hmm. Having a ball.
- Right?
- Right.
And these garlic mussels
Gregory, I can't eat this.
Oh, thank God. That was really trying.
Janine, I just like truffles.
Oh, yay.
Can we go get some of those?
- We can talk about it.
- Okay.
We just learned
they're really expensive.
Okay. Alright.
- Let's go.
- Do we have to pay?
We can pay on the way out, I think.
- On the way out.
- Yeah.