Adam Ruins Everything (2015) s01e06 Episode Script

Adam Ruins Hygiene

1 (message alerts) I have a date date date With a cute guy guy guy I have a date date date With a cute guy guy guy Who owns a car car car With a cute guy guy guy Who owns a car car car Wears closed-toed Who owns a car car car Wears closed-toed shoes shoes shoes Wears closed-toed shoes shoes shoes (mouth full) Gotta get clean shoes shoes shoes (mouth full) Gotta get clean clean clean (mouth full) Gotta get clean clean clean (spits) clean clean (spits) Aah! (spits) Aah! Oh, mouthwash, history's Aah! Oh, mouthwash, history's mintiest marketing trick.
Oh, mouthwash, history's mintiest marketing trick.
What are you doing here, mintiest marketing trick.
What are you doing here, Adam? What are you doing here, Adam? Sorry, I told him he could Adam? Sorry, I told him he could use our shower.
Sorry, I told him he could use our shower.
His water isn't working.
use our shower.
His water isn't working.
Not a drop, don't know why.
His water isn't working.
Not a drop, don't know why.
(laughs) Hi there.
Not a drop, don't know why.
(laughs) Hi there.
Anyways, I gotta run.
(laughs) Hi there.
Anyways, I gotta run.
I'm going to watch a UFC fight, Anyways, I gotta run.
I'm going to watch a UFC fight, so you won't even know I'm going to watch a UFC fight, so you won't even know he's here unless he decides so you won't even know he's here unless he decides to teach you something he's here unless he decides to teach you something for half an hour.
to teach you something for half an hour.
Okay, bye! for half an hour.
Okay, bye! See you at my NPR listening Okay, bye! See you at my NPR listening party Friday! See you at my NPR listening party Friday! Not coming! Bye! party Friday! Not coming! Bye! (sighs loudly) Not coming! Bye! (sighs loudly) Fine, you can shower here (sighs loudly) Fine, you can shower here quickly, after I finish getting Fine, you can shower here quickly, after I finish getting ready for my date.
quickly, after I finish getting ready for my date.
No problem.
ready for my date.
No problem.
I'm happy to wait.
No problem.
I'm happy to wait.
Oh, you want me to wait outside I'm happy to wait.
Oh, you want me to wait outside the bathroom.
Oh, you want me to wait outside the bathroom.
That does make more sense.
the bathroom.
That does make more sense.
(chuckles) That does make more sense.
(chuckles) Oh.
(chuckles) Oh.
The knob came off in my hand.
Oh.
The knob came off in my hand.
I guess we're stuck in here.
The knob came off in my hand.
I guess we're stuck in here.
Oh, what a comical I guess we're stuck in here.
Oh, what a comical '90s sitcom-style mishap.
Oh, what a comical '90s sitcom-style mishap.
Oh! Now we can bond and learn '90s sitcom-style mishap.
Oh! Now we can bond and learn things about each other.
Oh! Now we can bond and learn things about each other.
And learn about how your things about each other.
And learn about how your bathroom cabinet is And learn about how your bathroom cabinet is full of lies.
bathroom cabinet is full of lies.
This-- full of lies.
This-- Don't you dare! This-- Don't you dare! --is "Adam Ruins Everything.
" Don't you dare! --is "Adam Ruins Everything.
" (sobs) --is "Adam Ruins Everything.
" (sobs) (sobs) (crackling) (crackling) (ding-ding) (crackling) (ding-ding) Closed Captions Provided by truTV (rattling and banging) I am not staying in here with you.
I am not staying in here with you.
Use your TV powers with you.
Use your TV powers to get us out.
Use your TV powers to get us out.
Sorry, I took an oath to only to get us out.
Sorry, I took an oath to only use them for learning.
Sorry, I took an oath to only use them for learning.
Speaking of which, did you know use them for learning.
Speaking of which, did you know you just washed your mouth with Speaking of which, did you know you just washed your mouth with floor cleaner? you just washed your mouth with floor cleaner? Uh, no.
floor cleaner? Uh, no.
It's mouthwash.
See? Uh, no.
It's mouthwash.
See? Yeah, but a hundred years It's mouthwash.
See? Yeah, but a hundred years ago, Listerine was used and Yeah, but a hundred years ago, Listerine was used and marketed as a generic ago, Listerine was used and marketed as a generic household cleaning fluid.
marketed as a generic household cleaning fluid.
Aah! household cleaning fluid.
Aah! Good old Listerine, my Aah! Good old Listerine, my favorite household antiseptic.
Good old Listerine, my favorite household antiseptic.
I use it to wash my feet, favorite household antiseptic.
I use it to wash my feet, clean my floors, I use it to wash my feet, clean my floors, and heck, maybe it'll even clean my floors, and heck, maybe it'll even clear up my gonorrhea! Ice cream social, here I come! It wasn't until the 1920s that Listerine started marketing It wasn't until the 1920s that Listerine started marketing itself as a way to prevent that Listerine started marketing itself as a way to prevent bad breath.
itself as a way to prevent bad breath.
There was just one problem, bad breath.
There was just one problem, though.
There was just one problem, though.
(knocking at door) though.
(knocking at door) Madam, do you have (knocking at door) Madam, do you have bad breath? Madam, do you have bad breath? No! bad breath? No! No! (tap dancing) (tap dancing) Most people thought their (tap dancing) Most people thought their breath smelled fine already.
Most people thought their breath smelled fine already.
(phone vibrating) breath smelled fine already.
(phone vibrating) Matt! Oh! (phone vibrating) Matt! Oh! (sobbing) Matt! Oh! (sobbing) Exactly! Oh! (sobbing) Exactly! Oh! So frustrating for Exactly! Oh! So frustrating for Listerine, right? So frustrating for Listerine, right? So they devised a plan.
Listerine, right? So they devised a plan.
They dug up an obscure Latin So they devised a plan.
They dug up an obscure Latin word and told people it was a They dug up an obscure Latin word and told people it was a disease they could have without word and told people it was a disease they could have without even knowing it.
disease they could have without even knowing it.
(knocking at door) Excuse me, madam.
Do you suffer from halitosis? Do you suffer from halitosis? Hotsy-totsy! Hotsy-totsy! I don't know, what's I don't know, what's hally-tosis? hally-tosis? Why, it's Latin for "icky Why, it's Latin for "icky disease for rubes.
" You could have it and be none the wiser, and if you do, everyone secretly hates you.
the wiser, and if you do, everyone secretly hates you.
(gasps) everyone secretly hates you.
(gasps) That's my greatest fear! (gasps) That's my greatest fear! (tap dancing) That's my greatest fear! (tap dancing) (tap dancing) What the? What the? So you're saying Listerine What the? So you're saying Listerine coined the term halitosis? So you're saying Listerine coined the term halitosis? Oh, no, I'm not saying that.
coined the term halitosis? Oh, no, I'm not saying that.
Listerine is.
Oh, no, I'm not saying that.
Listerine is.
On their own website, they say Listerine is.
On their own website, they say Listerine coined the term On their own website, they say Listerine coined the term halitosis.
Listerine coined the term halitosis.
Listerine went on to cruelly halitosis.
Listerine went on to cruelly exploit our insecurities Listerine went on to cruelly exploit our insecurities for decades.
exploit our insecurities for decades.
Check out this real Listerine ad for decades.
Check out this real Listerine ad from back then.
Check out this real Listerine ad from back then.
Are you unpopular from back then.
Are you unpopular with your own children? Are you unpopular with your own children? Or this one.
with your own children? Or this one.
Often a bridesmaid Or this one.
Often a bridesmaid but never a bride! Often a bridesmaid but never a bride! (sighs) but never a bride! (sighs) Or this one.
Or this one.
Don't fool yourself.
Don't fool yourself.
Since halitosis never announces Since halitosis never announces itself to the victim, you simply itself to the victim, you simply cannot know when you have it.
They talk about you cannot know when you have it.
They talk about you behind your back.
They talk about you behind your back.
(women giggling) behind your back.
(women giggling) Holy crap! (women giggling) Holy crap! Are these real? Holy crap! Are these real? Yeah.
Are these real? Yeah.
They're really mean.
Yeah.
They're really mean.
Yeah, they were also really, They're really mean.
Yeah, they were also really, really successful.
Yeah, they were also really, really successful.
After this campaign, Listerine's really successful.
After this campaign, Listerine's profits rose 4,000% in just After this campaign, Listerine's profits rose 4,000% in just seven years.
profits rose 4,000% in just seven years.
(laughing) seven years.
(laughing) Beautiful, beautiful (laughing) Beautiful, beautiful shame money.
Beautiful, beautiful shame money.
(laughing) shame money.
(laughing) (exhales, sniffs) (laughing) (exhales, sniffs) Hmm Advertising based on shame and fear soon became known as and fear soon became known as the halitosis style and the same the halitosis style and the same thing happened with soap.
People used to bathe just once a week before the soap industry got to work on them.
week before the soap industry got to work on them.
Gentlemen, soap sales got to work on them.
Gentlemen, soap sales are flat.
Gentlemen, soap sales are flat.
I suggest we tell Americans are flat.
I suggest we tell Americans they're dirty, filthy I suggest we tell Americans they're dirty, filthy garbage people.
they're dirty, filthy garbage people.
All in favor? garbage people.
All in favor? (rubber ducks squeaking) All in favor? (rubber ducks squeaking) Soap companies poured a fortune (rubber ducks squeaking) Soap companies poured a fortune into advertising the idea that Soap companies poured a fortune into advertising the idea that you had to bathe or shower every into advertising the idea that you had to bathe or shower every day, and by the 1980s, 90% of you had to bathe or shower every day, and by the 1980s, 90% of Americans were doing it.
day, and by the 1980s, 90% of Americans were doing it.
Well, good.
Americans were doing it.
Well, good.
People should shower every day.
Well, good.
People should shower every day.
It's unhealthy not to.
People should shower every day.
It's unhealthy not to.
No, it isn't.
It's unhealthy not to.
No, it isn't.
Just ask, like, any No, it isn't.
Just ask, like, any dermatologist.
(phone ringing) Hello, this is Dr.
Ward.
Hello, this is Dr.
Ward.
What's the nature of your What's the nature of your dermatology emergency? dermatology emergency? Fine.
Fine.
Do I need to shower every day? Well, no-- in fact, over-showering can dry out your skin because it removes over-showering can dry out your skin because it removes protective lipids and oils.
your skin because it removes protective lipids and oils.
Rinsing off is fine, but you protective lipids and oils.
Rinsing off is fine, but you should only use a minimal amount Rinsing off is fine, but you should only use a minimal amount of soap in your underarms and should only use a minimal amount of soap in your underarms and groin.
of soap in your underarms and groin.
Our skin actually does a pretty groin.
Our skin actually does a pretty good job of keeping itself Our skin actually does a pretty good job of keeping itself clean.
Really? good job of keeping itself clean.
Really? Yeah.
clean.
Really? Yeah.
You know, Adam, this wasn't Yeah.
You know, Adam, this wasn't an actual emergency.
You know, Adam, this wasn't an actual emergency.
Wait! Use that phone an actual emergency.
Wait! Use that phone to call for help! Wait! Use that phone to call for help! Oh, no, that phone only calls to call for help! Oh, no, that phone only calls dermatologists.
Oh, no, that phone only calls dermatologists.
The point is, we're the victims dermatologists.
The point is, we're the victims of a generations-long The point is, we're the victims of a generations-long advertising campaign.
of a generations-long advertising campaign.
You don't need soap that much advertising campaign.
You don't need soap that much and you don't need mouthwash.
You don't need soap that much and you don't need mouthwash.
Ugh.
and you don't need mouthwash.
Ugh.
I feel so manipulated.
Ugh.
I feel so manipulated.
But I also feel like a troll I feel so manipulated.
But I also feel like a troll if my mouth doesn't taste But I also feel like a troll if my mouth doesn't taste like mint tsunami.
if my mouth doesn't taste like mint tsunami.
Oh, I know.
like mint tsunami.
Oh, I know.
And I still shower every day.
Oh, I know.
And I still shower every day.
Hell, I use an exfoliating And I still shower every day.
Hell, I use an exfoliating loofah.
Hell, I use an exfoliating loofah.
Advertisers have spent a century loofah.
Advertisers have spent a century telling us our bodies are Advertisers have spent a century telling us our bodies are disgusting and now we can't telling us our bodies are disgusting and now we can't get it out of our heads.
disgusting and now we can't get it out of our heads.
But your body is not disgusting.
get it out of our heads.
But your body is not disgusting.
Your body is great.
Don't! But your body is not disgusting.
Your body is great.
Don't! Not what I meant.
Do not! Your body is great.
Don't! Not what I meant.
Do not! Came out wrong.
(chuckles) Not what I meant.
Do not! Came out wrong.
(chuckles) (phone vibrating) Came out wrong.
(chuckles) (phone vibrating) And that's Matt wondering (phone vibrating) And that's Matt wondering where I am.
And that's Matt wondering where I am.
And now I have to pee.
where I am.
And now I have to pee.
Oh, this is a terrible night.
And now I have to pee.
Oh, this is a terrible night.
I'm sorry, you need privacy.
Oh, this is a terrible night.
I'm sorry, you need privacy.
I'll go in the tub and whistle I'm sorry, you need privacy.
I'll go in the tub and whistle my theme song.
(whistling theme song) Well, at least people are Well, at least people are smarter these days.
smarter these days.
They can't make us fall They can't make us fall for those dumb marketing for those dumb marketing tricks anymore.
Oh, interesting.
You're falling for it right now.
Uh, what do you mean? You're falling for it right now.
Uh, what do you mean? I'll tell you after you Uh, what do you mean? I'll tell you after you tinkle.
I'll tell you after you tinkle.
Adam ruins everything tinkle.
Adam ruins everything Adam ruins everything So, tell me about this Matt guy.
So, tell me about this Matt guy.
He's smart.
this Matt guy.
He's smart.
Oh.
I'm pretty smart.
He's smart.
Oh.
I'm pretty smart.
A sharp dresser.
Oh.
I'm pretty smart.
A sharp dresser.
I'm sharp.
A sharp dresser.
I'm sharp.
And he's really quiet.
I'm sharp.
And he's really quiet.
Okay, I got nothing.
And he's really quiet.
Okay, I got nothing.
(beep-beep) Okay, I got nothing.
(beep-beep) Oh, my God, you do have your (beep-beep) Oh, my God, you do have your phone, you can call for help! Oh, my God, you do have your phone, you can call for help! We're saved! phone, you can call for help! We're saved! No, this is just my We're saved! No, this is just my Tamagotchi-- I've kept him alive No, this is just my Tamagotchi-- I've kept him alive for 17 years.
Tamagotchi-- I've kept him alive for 17 years.
Have some food, little buddy.
for 17 years.
Have some food, little buddy.
Mu-ah.
Have some food, little buddy.
Mu-ah.
Anyway, I was just about to tell Mu-ah.
Anyway, I was just about to tell you about the massive flimflam Anyway, I was just about to tell you about the massive flimflam that is the flushable wipe.
you about the massive flimflam that is the flushable wipe.
Ugh.
that is the flushable wipe.
Ugh.
Fine.
Ugh.
Fine.
(mixers whirring and rattling) Fine.
(mixers whirring and rattling) (over noise) What are those for? (mixers whirring and rattling) (over noise) What are those for? I'll explain later.
(over noise) What are those for? I'll explain later.
Toilet paper as we know it was I'll explain later.
Toilet paper as we know it was invented in 1883, and for the Toilet paper as we know it was invented in 1883, and for the next 118 years, our bottom invented in 1883, and for the next 118 years, our bottom hygiene routine was pretty next 118 years, our bottom hygiene routine was pretty simple: toilet, T.
P.
hygiene routine was pretty simple: toilet, T.
P.
and wash your hands.
simple: toilet, T.
P.
and wash your hands.
And it worked.
and wash your hands.
And it worked.
Those were some of our best And it worked.
Those were some of our best hygiene years ever.
Rates of poop-related diseases have plummeted.
Good job, America.
Your butts are clean.
There must be some other reason Your butts are clean.
There must be some other reason we're dying.
There must be some other reason we're dying.
But in 2001, America's paper we're dying.
But in 2001, America's paper companies decided that wasn't But in 2001, America's paper companies decided that wasn't good enough.
companies decided that wasn't good enough.
Soap sales are up, good enough.
Soap sales are up, but butt paper's flat.
Soap sales are up, but butt paper's flat.
How do we get people to buy more but butt paper's flat.
How do we get people to buy more butt paper? How do we get people to buy more butt paper? Let's convince adults butt paper? Let's convince adults they need to wipe their rears Let's convince adults they need to wipe their rears with baby wipes.
they need to wipe their rears with baby wipes.
And let's tell them with baby wipes.
And let's tell them to wear diapers.
And let's tell them to wear diapers.
No, Dan, that's your to wear diapers.
No, Dan, that's your weird thing.
No, Dan, that's your weird thing.
Aww, baby sad.
weird thing.
Aww, baby sad.
The Kimberly-Clark Aww, baby sad.
The Kimberly-Clark Corporation spent $140 million The Kimberly-Clark Corporation spent $140 million to develop and market the first Corporation spent $140 million to develop and market the first "flushable wipes" and by now, to develop and market the first "flushable wipes" and by now, you can guess what their "flushable wipes" and by now, you can guess what their pitch was.
you can guess what their pitch was.
They told you you're stinky and pitch was.
They told you you're stinky and you just don't know it.
They told you you're stinky and you just don't know it.
Check out these real you just don't know it.
Check out these real flushable wipe commercials.
Check out these real flushable wipe commercials.
(projector clicking) flushable wipe commercials.
(projector clicking) Wait a minute, Bear (projector clicking) Wait a minute, Bear You're not done yet Wait a minute, Bear You're not done yet You might not be clean You're not done yet You might not be clean until you use wet You might not be clean until you use wet Would you ever clean until you use wet Would you ever clean your baby's bottom with Would you ever clean your baby's bottom with just dry paper? your baby's bottom with just dry paper? No.
No just dry paper? No.
No No No.
No No Why do you need a butt wipe? No Why do you need a butt wipe? Because you're not an animal, Why do you need a butt wipe? Because you're not an animal, and whatever you're using now Because you're not an animal, and whatever you're using now is primitive.
and whatever you're using now is primitive.
Can we watch a real movie? is primitive.
Can we watch a real movie? You know, I don't really care Can we watch a real movie? You know, I don't really care for movies.
You know, I don't really care for movies.
Anyway, once again, for movies.
Anyway, once again, this shame scam worked.
Anyway, once again, this shame scam worked.
Flushable wipes are now an this shame scam worked.
Flushable wipes are now an industry that's worth more than Flushable wipes are now an industry that's worth more than $300 million.
industry that's worth more than $300 million.
Yeah, I do feel like I need $300 million.
Yeah, I do feel like I need them now and I didn't, like, Yeah, I do feel like I need them now and I didn't, like, two years ago.
them now and I didn't, like, two years ago.
It's no wonder they're trying two years ago.
It's no wonder they're trying to shove wipes up our butts.
It's no wonder they're trying to shove wipes up our butts.
Flushable wipes cost more than to shove wipes up our butts.
Flushable wipes cost more than six times as much as toilet Flushable wipes cost more than six times as much as toilet paper, and these companies would six times as much as toilet paper, and these companies would have you use both.
paper, and these companies would have you use both.
Have a bit of the dry paper, have you use both.
Have a bit of the dry paper, and then use the wet, and then Have a bit of the dry paper, and then use the wet, and then use the dry again, boom, and then use the wet, and then use the dry again, boom, good to go.
use the dry again, boom, good to go.
Okay.
good to go.
Okay.
Well, flushable wipes are Okay.
Well, flushable wipes are expensive, but at least they Well, flushable wipes are expensive, but at least they make me feel cleaner.
expensive, but at least they make me feel cleaner.
It's not like they're doing make me feel cleaner.
It's not like they're doing any harm.
It's not like they're doing any harm.
Uh, actually, they're harming any harm.
Uh, actually, they're harming everybody because flushable Uh, actually, they're harming everybody because flushable wipes are straight up everybody because flushable wipes are straight up not flushable.
wipes are straight up not flushable.
But it says "flushable" not flushable.
But it says "flushable" right on the box.
See? But it says "flushable" right on the box.
See? Yeah, don't believe right on the box.
See? Yeah, don't believe everything you read-- here.
Yeah, don't believe everything you read-- here.
everything you read-- here.
Reach your hand in here.
Reach your hand in here.
Ugh, I'd rather not.
Reach your hand in here.
Ugh, I'd rather not.
Come on, for science.
Ugh, I'd rather not.
Come on, for science.
Oh Come on, for science.
Oh See? Toilet paper breaks down Oh See? Toilet paper breaks down almost instantly in water, See? Toilet paper breaks down almost instantly in water, but I put this flushable wipe almost instantly in water, but I put this flushable wipe in that mixer five minutes ago, but I put this flushable wipe in that mixer five minutes ago, it hasn't broken down at all.
in that mixer five minutes ago, it hasn't broken down at all.
Ugh it hasn't broken down at all.
Ugh Well, it still goes down Ugh Well, it still goes down the toilet.
Well, it still goes down the toilet.
Yeah, a lot of things the toilet.
Yeah, a lot of things technically can go down Yeah, a lot of things technically can go down the toilet.
technically can go down the toilet.
That doesn't mean they should.
the toilet.
That doesn't mean they should.
Watch this.
That doesn't mean they should.
Watch this.
Aah! Don't do that! Watch this.
Aah! Don't do that! You'll wreck my plumbing! Aah! Don't do that! You'll wreck my plumbing! Don't worry.
You'll wreck my plumbing! Don't worry.
These are flushable golf balls, Don't worry.
These are flushable golf balls, see? These are flushable golf balls, see? Cut it out! see? Cut it out! Ugh! Cut it out! Ugh! I need to get out of here.
Ugh! I need to get out of here.
Maybe I could break the door I need to get out of here.
Maybe I could break the door down with my head.
Maybe I could break the door down with my head.
Oh, I know how we can down with my head.
Oh, I know how we can get out of here.
Oh, I know how we can get out of here.
We can go down the pipes.
get out of here.
We can go down the pipes.
Really? We can go down the pipes.
Really? Let's do it! Really? Let's do it! Great.
Take my hand and we'll Let's do it! Great.
Take my hand and we'll go on a magical journey Great.
Take my hand and we'll go on a magical journey down your toilet.
go on a magical journey down your toilet.
Wait! down your toilet.
Wait! Can't we take the sink instead? Wait! Can't we take the sink instead? Nope.
Can't we take the sink instead? Nope.
Here we go! Nope.
Here we go! (both screaming) Here we go! (both screaming) (toilet gurgles) (both screaming) (toilet gurgles) (screaming continues) (toilet gurgles) (screaming continues) Adam! (screaming continues) Adam! (splat) Ugh! (panting and groaning) What happened? (panting and groaning) What happened? Oh-- we hit a fatberg.
What happened? Oh-- we hit a fatberg.
A what? It's a congealed mass of flushable wipes combined with flushable wipes combined with cooking oil and other junk.
cooking oil and other junk.
We in the sewer business We in the sewer business call them fatbergs.
call them fatbergs.
Oh, it is so cool Oh, it is so cool you're here.
This is Tyrone Jue.
He's with the San Francisco Public Utility Commission.
He's with the San Francisco Public Utility Commission.
Tyrone, would you tell Haley Public Utility Commission.
Tyrone, would you tell Haley what sewer engineers hate about Tyrone, would you tell Haley what sewer engineers hate about flushable wipes? what sewer engineers hate about flushable wipes? Well, everything you flush flushable wipes? Well, everything you flush down the toilet, we have to Well, everything you flush down the toilet, we have to deal with.
down the toilet, we have to deal with.
In San Francisco, we've had to deal with.
In San Francisco, we've had to spend about $4 million a year In San Francisco, we've had to spend about $4 million a year having to clear out spend about $4 million a year having to clear out these fatbergs.
having to clear out these fatbergs.
Every city across the world these fatbergs.
Every city across the world is dealing with exactly Every city across the world is dealing with exactly the same problem.
is dealing with exactly the same problem.
Yeah, in 2013, London had to the same problem.
Yeah, in 2013, London had to pull a 15-ton fatberg out of Yeah, in 2013, London had to pull a 15-ton fatberg out of their sewers.
pull a 15-ton fatberg out of their sewers.
It was the size of a city bus.
their sewers.
It was the size of a city bus.
(bus horn honks) It was the size of a city bus.
(bus horn honks) Even if flushable wipes make (bus horn honks) Even if flushable wipes make your butt feel a little cleaner, Even if flushable wipes make your butt feel a little cleaner, they're murder on our sewers.
Dang it, Adam.
Golf balls again? This is why we shut off Golf balls again? This is why we shut off your water.
This is why we shut off your water.
I was using them your water.
I was using them to make a point.
I was using them to make a point.
Watch what you flush, man! to make a point.
Watch what you flush, man! You know, I never did think Watch what you flush, man! You know, I never did think about what I flushed.
You know, I never did think about what I flushed.
Yeah, and it's not about what I flushed.
Yeah, and it's not just wipes.
Yeah, and it's not just wipes.
Things like exfoliating just wipes.
Things like exfoliating microbeads, antibacterial soaps Things like exfoliating microbeads, antibacterial soaps and unused medications all go microbeads, antibacterial soaps and unused medications all go down our drains and the effect and unused medications all go down our drains and the effect on our water systems down our drains and the effect on our water systems can be weird.
on our water systems can be weird.
Hey! can be weird.
Hey! Blah Hey! Blah Your antibiotics breed Blah Your antibiotics breed drug-resistant bacteria like me.
Your antibiotics breed drug-resistant bacteria like me.
Thanks for making me drug-resistant bacteria like me.
Thanks for making me big and strong.
Thanks for making me big and strong.
I ate all your exfoliating big and strong.
I ate all your exfoliating microbeads.
I ate all your exfoliating microbeads.
They gave me a tummy ache! microbeads.
They gave me a tummy ache! And I ate all your old They gave me a tummy ache! And I ate all your old antidepressants and now And I ate all your old antidepressants and now I'm so happy! antidepressants and now I'm so happy! Ha-ha-ha! I'm so happy! Ha-ha-ha! I gotta sing! Ha-ha-ha! I gotta sing! (banjo playing) I gotta sing! (banjo playing) Bum bum bum (banjo playing) Bum bum bum Down on the fatberg Bum bum bum Down on the fatberg we like to play Down on the fatberg we like to play Down on the fatberg we like to play Down on the fatberg we like to play-- Down on the fatberg we like to play-- Nope, no.
we like to play-- Nope, no.
Uh-uh, not doing this.
Nope, no.
Uh-uh, not doing this.
Get me out of here! Uh-uh, not doing this.
Get me out of here! But this is my jam.
Get me out of here! But this is my jam.
No! But this is my jam.
No! I know another way out.
No! I know another way out.
Woo! I know another way out.
Woo! Yee-haw! Woo! Yee-haw! (Adam and Haley screaming) Yee-haw! (Adam and Haley screaming) Hey, that's my date! (Adam and Haley screaming) Hey, that's my date! Matt! Hey, that's my date! Matt! (echoing) No! Matt! (echoing) No! (piano playing in restaurant) (echoing) No! (piano playing in restaurant) (rumbling and whooshing) (piano playing in restaurant) (rumbling and whooshing) (plop) (rumbling and whooshing) (plop) Ugh! (plop) Ugh! Why did you bring me back here? Ugh! Why did you bring me back here? Matt was right there.
Why did you bring me back here? Matt was right there.
Ugh, did you really want to Matt was right there.
Ugh, did you really want to meet him like this? Ugh, did you really want to meet him like this? You just traveled meet him like this? You just traveled through the sewers.
You just traveled through the sewers.
Girl, you're kind of a mess.
through the sewers.
Girl, you're kind of a mess.
Ugh! Girl, you're kind of a mess.
Ugh! How am I supposed to get clean? Ugh! How am I supposed to get clean? My exfoliating soap, How am I supposed to get clean? My exfoliating soap, my mouthwash, my wipes! My exfoliating soap, my mouthwash, my wipes! Everything in my bathroom my mouthwash, my wipes! Everything in my bathroom is bad! Everything in my bathroom is bad! No! Something in here is bad! No! Something in here is incredible.
No! Something in here is incredible.
What? What is it? is incredible.
What? What is it? I'll tell you.
What? What is it? I'll tell you.
Right after this break! I'll tell you.
Right after this break! (screaming) Right after this break! (screaming) Are you almost done? The steam is really messing with my hair.
The steam is really messing with my hair.
Well, if there's a miracle with my hair.
Well, if there's a miracle product over there, Well, if there's a miracle product over there, hand it over.
product over there, hand it over.
You're already using it.
hand it over.
You're already using it.
It's your shower.
You're already using it.
It's your shower.
Running water is not It's your shower.
Running water is not a miracle.
Running water is not a miracle.
What is your life? a miracle.
What is your life? No, look, the fact that we What is your life? No, look, the fact that we can summon clean, fresh water on No, look, the fact that we can summon clean, fresh water on command is the greatest marvel can summon clean, fresh water on command is the greatest marvel of the modern age.
command is the greatest marvel of the modern age.
For most of human history, of the modern age.
For most of human history, sanitation was For most of human history, sanitation was basically nonexistent.
sanitation was basically nonexistent.
Most people just dumped basically nonexistent.
Most people just dumped their waste in the streets.
Most people just dumped their waste in the streets.
(gasps) their waste in the streets.
(gasps) Even the rich were gross.
(gasps) Even the rich were gross.
The nobles of Versailles Even the rich were gross.
The nobles of Versailles relieved themselves in the The nobles of Versailles relieved themselves in the palace hallways.
relieved themselves in the palace hallways.
Aah palace hallways.
Aah But as cities got bigger Aah But as cities got bigger and denser, problems started But as cities got bigger and denser, problems started piling up.
and denser, problems started piling up.
By 1858, London was so smelly, piling up.
By 1858, London was so smelly, it was referred to as By 1858, London was so smelly, it was referred to as The Great Stink.
it was referred to as The Great Stink.
(sniffing) The Great Stink.
(sniffing) I smell a mystery, Watson.
(sniffing) I smell a mystery, Watson.
Oh, no, wait.
I smell a mystery, Watson.
Oh, no, wait.
That's poo.
Oh, no, wait.
That's poo.
I smell lots of poo.
That's poo.
I smell lots of poo.
Londoners dumped their waste I smell lots of poo.
Londoners dumped their waste directly into the river Thames, Londoners dumped their waste directly into the river Thames, which was also the source of directly into the river Thames, which was also the source of their drinking water.
which was also the source of their drinking water.
(gasps) their drinking water.
(gasps) The inevitable result was a (gasps) The inevitable result was a cholera outbreak that killed The inevitable result was a cholera outbreak that killed 50,000 people.
cholera outbreak that killed 50,000 people.
Turns out the number-one poison 50,000 people.
Turns out the number-one poison in human history is our own Turns out the number-one poison in human history is our own number two.
in human history is our own number two.
In desperation, Parliament number two.
In desperation, Parliament ordered engineer Joseph In desperation, Parliament ordered engineer Joseph Bazalgette to construct the ordered engineer Joseph Bazalgette to construct the city's first proper sewers.
Bazalgette to construct the city's first proper sewers.
In what was, at that time, the city's first proper sewers.
In what was, at that time, the biggest civil engineering In what was, at that time, the biggest civil engineering project in history, Bazalgette biggest civil engineering project in history, Bazalgette built over 1100 miles of brick project in history, Bazalgette built over 1100 miles of brick sewers under London.
built over 1100 miles of brick sewers under London.
That's the length of almost a sewers under London.
That's the length of almost a million Benedict Cumberbatches.
That's the length of almost a million Benedict Cumberbatches.
Well, this is very million Benedict Cumberbatches.
Well, this is very undignified.
Well, this is very undignified.
Thanks to Bazalgette's heroic undignified.
Thanks to Bazalgette's heroic poop chute, cholera outbreaks Thanks to Bazalgette's heroic poop chute, cholera outbreaks were largely ended and child poop chute, cholera outbreaks were largely ended and child mortality dropped by a fifth.
were largely ended and child mortality dropped by a fifth.
And it wasn't just England.
mortality dropped by a fifth.
And it wasn't just England.
To improve sanitation in And it wasn't just England.
To improve sanitation in Chicago, an engineer named Ellis To improve sanitation in Chicago, an engineer named Ellis Chesbrough jacked up entire Chicago, an engineer named Ellis Chesbrough jacked up entire neighborhoods by as much as Chesbrough jacked up entire neighborhoods by as much as 14 feet and reversed the flow neighborhoods by as much as 14 feet and reversed the flow of the Chicago River, all to 14 feet and reversed the flow of the Chicago River, all to protect the windy city of the Chicago River, all to protect the windy city from typhoid.
protect the windy city from typhoid.
Bazalgette and Chesbrough are from typhoid.
Bazalgette and Chesbrough are true heroes, but because we Bazalgette and Chesbrough are true heroes, but because we don't like talking about poop, true heroes, but because we don't like talking about poop, most of us don't even know don't like talking about poop, most of us don't even know their names.
most of us don't even know their names.
Modern sanitation has arguable their names.
Modern sanitation has arguable saved more lives than any other Modern sanitation has arguable saved more lives than any other invention in human history.
saved more lives than any other invention in human history.
It turns out video games are invention in human history.
It turns out video games are right-- plumbers really do It turns out video games are right-- plumbers really do save the world.
Oh, darn it.
Look Running water is by far the most Running water is by far the most amazing thing in this room.
amazing thing in this room.
But we take it so thoroughly for granted that we've allowed advertisers to convince us that we're dirty, even though advertisers to convince us that we're dirty, even though objectively, we are the cleanest we're dirty, even though objectively, we are the cleanest people who have ever lived.
objectively, we are the cleanest people who have ever lived.
Aww.
people who have ever lived.
Aww.
It's actually kind of nice.
Aww.
It's actually kind of nice.
Yeah, so look, we can take it It's actually kind of nice.
Yeah, so look, we can take it easy with all these products.
Yeah, so look, we can take it easy with all these products.
All you really need to be clean easy with all these products.
All you really need to be clean is soap, water, toothpaste, All you really need to be clean is soap, water, toothpaste, floss and extra-strength gel is soap, water, toothpaste, floss and extra-strength gel to keep your hair tall.
floss and extra-strength gel to keep your hair tall.
The gel isn't necessary.
to keep your hair tall.
The gel isn't necessary.
Yes, it is.
The gel isn't necessary.
Yes, it is.
It makes you beautiful.
Yes, it is.
It makes you beautiful.
Doesn't matter.
It makes you beautiful.
Doesn't matter.
I already missed my date Doesn't matter.
I already missed my date with Matt anyway.
I already missed my date with Matt anyway.
I might as well die in here.
with Matt anyway.
I might as well die in here.
I'm sorry you missed I might as well die in here.
I'm sorry you missed your dinner.
I'm sorry you missed your dinner.
But you know, for what it's your dinner.
But you know, for what it's worth, I actually did have fun But you know, for what it's worth, I actually did have fun in here with you.
worth, I actually did have fun in here with you.
I guess I also had in here with you.
I guess I also had Well, no, I'll say, a time.
I guess I also had Well, no, I'll say, a time.
You know, if this really were Well, no, I'll say, a time.
You know, if this really were a '90s sitcom, like, this is the You know, if this really were a '90s sitcom, like, this is the part where we'd let our guards a '90s sitcom, like, this is the part where we'd let our guards down and I'd make some cute part where we'd let our guards down and I'd make some cute gesture that would show you I'm down and I'd make some cute gesture that would show you I'm not such a bad guy after all.
gesture that would show you I'm not such a bad guy after all.
Like, maybe I'd make you a not such a bad guy after all.
Like, maybe I'd make you a pretend dinner out of Dixie cups Like, maybe I'd make you a pretend dinner out of Dixie cups and other toiletries.
pretend dinner out of Dixie cups and other toiletries.
and other toiletries.
Aww Aww It's actually kind of nice.
Aww It's actually kind of nice.
Kiss her! It's actually kind of nice.
Kiss her! (both scream) Kiss her! (both scream) Darn you, monster! (both scream) Darn you, monster! Hey! Darn you, monster! Hey! One more toilet fact Hey! One more toilet fact right after this.
One more toilet fact right after this.
Hey, man, don't blow this right after this.
Hey, man, don't blow this for me Care for a Listerini, madam? It's 26% alcohol, so Care for a Listerini, madam? It's 26% alcohol, so technically, it's a cocktail.
It's 26% alcohol, so technically, it's a cocktail.
Well, when you put it technically, it's a cocktail.
Well, when you put it that way.
Well, when you put it that way.
(together) Cheers.
that way.
(together) Cheers.
(chuckles) (together) Cheers.
(chuckles) (both swishing) (chuckles) (both swishing) (gulps) (both swishing) (gulps) Ugh.
(gulps) Ugh.
Ah, that's strong.
Ugh.
Ah, that's strong.
(chuckling) Ah, that's strong.
(chuckling) You know, this is actually (chuckling) You know, this is actually kind of fun.
You know, this is actually kind of fun.
Yeah, this is the nicest date kind of fun.
Yeah, this is the nicest date I have ever been on.
Yeah, this is the nicest date I have ever been on.
And the only-est date.
I have ever been on.
And the only-est date.
This isn't a date.
And the only-est date.
This isn't a date.
But This isn't a date.
But You're not that bad, But You're not that bad, but you're still the worst.
Fair point.
I was gonna tell you, uh, one more interesting sanitation I was gonna tell you, uh, one more interesting sanitation fact, but you know, if you're more interesting sanitation fact, but you know, if you're not interested, I don't want to fact, but you know, if you're not interested, I don't want to bother you with it, so not interested, I don't want to bother you with it, so You know what? bother you with it, so You know what? I want to know.
You know what? I want to know.
Really? Yes.
I want to know.
Really? Yes.
You're curious? Really? Yes.
You're curious? Tell me more about You're curious? Tell me more about sanitation.
Tell me more about sanitation.
Gladly.
sanitation.
Gladly.
While public sanitation is the Gladly.
While public sanitation is the greatest health advance of the While public sanitation is the greatest health advance of the 20th century, toilets still have greatest health advance of the 20th century, toilets still have one big problem.
20th century, toilets still have one big problem.
Not everyone has them yet.
one big problem.
Not everyone has them yet.
While we're taking our porcelain Not everyone has them yet.
While we're taking our porcelain thrones for granted, worldwide, While we're taking our porcelain thrones for granted, worldwide, 2.
5 billion people still have to thrones for granted, worldwide, 2.
5 billion people still have to use unsafe pit toilets.
2.
5 billion people still have to use unsafe pit toilets.
And another one billion use unsafe pit toilets.
And another one billion still have to poop in And another one billion still have to poop in the great outdoors.
still have to poop in the great outdoors.
Gross the great outdoors.
Gross (knocking) Gross (knocking) Haley! (knocking) Haley! This is where you've been.
Haley! This is where you've been.
Thank goodness.
This is where you've been.
Thank goodness.
Matt! Thank goodness.
Matt! Oh Matt! Oh When you didn't show up to Oh When you didn't show up to dinner, I got worried that you'd When you didn't show up to dinner, I got worried that you'd gotten stuck in some sort of dinner, I got worried that you'd gotten stuck in some sort of '90s sitcom -style mishap.
gotten stuck in some sort of '90s sitcom -style mishap.
This is your date? '90s sitcom -style mishap.
This is your date? Uh-huh.
This is your date? Uh-huh.
Nice to meet you.
You too.
Uh-huh.
Nice to meet you.
You too.
I was just about to explain Nice to meet you.
You too.
I was just about to explain how 40% of the world's I was just about to explain how 40% of the world's population still has-- how 40% of the world's population still has-- Were you about to explain how population still has-- Were you about to explain how 40% of the world's population Were you about to explain how 40% of the world's population still doesn't have access to 40% of the world's population still doesn't have access to adequate sanitation? still doesn't have access to adequate sanitation? Yeah, how did you know that? adequate sanitation? Yeah, how did you know that? My friend Jack Sim told me.
Yeah, how did you know that? My friend Jack Sim told me.
You know Jack Sim? My friend Jack Sim told me.
You know Jack Sim? From the WTO? You know Jack Sim? From the WTO? Of course I do.
From the WTO? Of course I do.
Here, I'll introduce you.
Of course I do.
Here, I'll introduce you.
Hey there, Jack.
Here, I'll introduce you.
Hey there, Jack.
How did you do that? Hey there, Jack.
How did you do that? Hi, Matt.
How did you do that? Hi, Matt.
Whoa.
Hi, Matt.
Whoa.
Should we call back? Whoa.
Should we call back? Not at all.
Should we call back? Not at all.
This is my business toilet.
Not at all.
This is my business toilet.
Guys, meet Jack Sim, head of This is my business toilet.
Guys, meet Jack Sim, head of the World Toilet Organization, Guys, meet Jack Sim, head of the World Toilet Organization, a global nonprofit dedicated to the World Toilet Organization, a global nonprofit dedicated to improving toilet and sanitation a global nonprofit dedicated to improving toilet and sanitation conditions worldwide.
improving toilet and sanitation conditions worldwide.
Yeah, I know who Jack Sim is, conditions worldwide.
Yeah, I know who Jack Sim is, Matt.
Yeah, I know who Jack Sim is, Matt.
Matt is right.
Lots of people don't have access to a proper toilet.
to a proper toilet.
They defecate next to the river They defecate next to the river and they pollute the water, spreading diseases of diarrhea, killing lots of children every year.
killing lots of children every year.
Wow.
every year.
Wow.
Well, what should we do? Wow.
Well, what should we do? We shouldn't shut down Well, what should we do? We shouldn't shut down the conversation.
We shouldn't shut down the conversation.
People are just too shy to talk the conversation.
People are just too shy to talk about this subject, and when you People are just too shy to talk about this subject, and when you don't talk about something, about this subject, and when you don't talk about something, you cannot improve.
don't talk about something, you cannot improve.
We have to put serious resources you cannot improve.
We have to put serious resources into this agenda.
We have to put serious resources into this agenda.
Talking about things people into this agenda.
Talking about things people don't want to hear sounds like Talking about things people don't want to hear sounds like my jam.
don't want to hear sounds like my jam.
Hey, Jack, I think this is gonna my jam.
Hey, Jack, I think this is gonna be the start of a beautiful Hey, Jack, I think this is gonna be the start of a beautiful friendship.
be the start of a beautiful friendship.
Matt, who's this? friendship.
Matt, who's this? I don't know, man, some scrub Matt, who's this? I don't know, man, some scrub who's trying to steal my girl.
I don't know, man, some scrub who's trying to steal my girl.
See you later, Jack.
who's trying to steal my girl.
See you later, Jack.
Bye, Jack.
See you later, Jack.
Bye, Jack.
Bye, Matt! Bye, Jack.
Bye, Matt! Oh It's so romantic Bye, Matt! Oh It's so romantic how much you know about sewage.
Oh It's so romantic how much you know about sewage.
Thanks.
how much you know about sewage.
Thanks.
I've been talking about Thanks.
I've been talking about sewage, like, all day.
I've been talking about sewage, like, all day.
How about we get out of here sewage, like, all day.
How about we get out of here and I'll tell you more How about we get out of here and I'll tell you more over dinner? and I'll tell you more over dinner? over dinner? See you around, Adam.
See you around, Adam.
I hope your water gets fixed, See you around, Adam.
I hope your water gets fixed, and if not, you can use our I hope your water gets fixed, and if not, you can use our shower anytime.
and if not, you can use our shower anytime.
Oh, wow, thanks.
shower anytime.
Oh, wow, thanks.
Hey, babe, where are we Oh, wow, thanks.
Hey, babe, where are we going to dinner? Hey, babe, where are we going to dinner? Oh, no, no, no, no, no! going to dinner? Oh, no, no, no, no, no! Darn it! Oh, no, no, no, no, no! Darn it! Darn it.
Darn it! Darn it.
Well, at least I still have you, Darn it.
Well, at least I still have you, old friend.
Well, at least I still have you, old friend.
(falling electronic tone) old friend.
(falling electronic tone) Oh (falling electronic tone) Oh Oh And a-one and a-two And a-one and a-two and away we go, hey! And a-one and a-two and away we go, hey! and away we go, hey! Bum bum bum Bum bum bum Down on the fatberg Bum bum bum Down on the fatberg we love to play Down on the fatberg we love to play Down on the fatberg we love to play Down on the fatberg we love to sing Down on the fatberg we love to sing Down on the fatberg we love to sing Down on the fatberg our friends are swell Down on the fatberg our friends are swell Down on the fatberg our friends are swell Down on the fatberg Down on the fatberg Yeah.
Yeah.
(song ends) Next time on "Adam Ruins Everything Voting is way less democratic than we think.
And I'll prove it to you.
than we think.
And I'll prove it to you.
Back in time! And I'll prove it to you.
Back in time! Democracy, where every person Back in time! Democracy, where every person votes directly for president.
Democracy, where every person votes directly for president.
Psych! votes directly for president.
Psych! That would be ridiculous! The 15th Amendment gave black men the right to vote.
black men the right to vote.
This will last forever! This will last forever! Soon after that, states Soon after that, states passed Jim Crow laws.
passed Jim Crow laws.
This is why you should never This is why you should never meet your heroes.
meet your heroes.
(laughing)