Adventure Beast (2021) s01e12 Episode Script

Animals Never Shut Up

1 Okay, kids, I'm gonna be away for a few weeks with BTG and Bonnie.
And Margie will be here any minute.
We need to look our best.
Are you kids ready to meet your mom? Brian, stop slouching.
Dietrich, get a move on, or we'll miss the great caribou migration.
Be good for your mom.
Stay out of the sun! We were deep in the snow-covered tundra of Canada's Yukon Territory, following a mysterious map left to me by my mother, Bunny T.
Greive, who vanished 35 years earlier.
Almost there! Almost where? I can't see a thing! Everything looks exactly the same.
What do you see? Are we in danger? What? I can't hear you over the blizzard! There's a snow lizard? Oh God! It's gonna crawl down my throat and freeze my windpipe.
I can't hear what you're saying! I'm just gonna assume it's so dumb that I'm better off not knowing.
According to my mom's coordinates, there should be a Greive family crest nearby.
Ugh! Damn this icy dandruff.
Bradley! Bradley! Mom? Is that you? We all thought you were dead.
Bradley! I knew you'd find me.
Oh, Mom! There's so much I wanna ask you.
Am I the man you wanted me to be? What is it with chickpeas? They make no sense.
When will I stop missing you? Bradley! Embrace your ignorance.
It's your best quality.
As in keep searching for knowledge? Maybe.
- Bradley! - Uncle B! Uncle B! Does anyone hear that clicking? Oh, sorry.
I have double-jointed thumbs.
No, no, that's not your deformed thumb music.
That's a herd of reindeer.
They have tendons in their feet that make a clicking noise when they walk.
The noise tells other reindeer how big they are and helps the herd stay together, even in a whiteout blizzard.
Oh my God.
Ha! Don't worry.
It's a prosthetic nipple.
This isn't my first reindeer run-in.
Wolves! Move! They eat stragglers! But I ate all those sausages! The wolves are howling to coordinate their attack.
Watch for an ambush! Please go faster! They can tell I'm full of sausage meat! Go away, you damned wolves! Ha-ha! Yes! I was afraid those snooty Canadian wolves would pretend that they didn't understand my Filipina-American accent.
Ah-ha! - Are we sure the wolves are gone? - Ha! Don't worry.
I told them to leave us alone.
Leave us alone? So, what? You can talk to animals now? I'd call it commune with nature, but sure.
Animals can't talk, Bonnie.
Otherwise, I'd know why my cat hates me.
That's not true.
Look at that bird.
She's saying, "Dietrich, it's me, Maria.
" "Why didn't you reply to my texts?" Heh! Whoa.
Did you ghost that bird? What? That bird doesn't know me! Shut up, Maria! BTG, tell Bonnie birds can't talk! That's a black-capped chickadee.
They chirp the same thing over and over again, and it kinda sounds like "chick-a-dee.
" Ipso facto, they're called chickadees.
See, Bonnie? That dumb bird is just saying its own name over and over.
Oh no.
She's saying much more than that.
Chickadees subtly add extra "D" sounds to their standard call to indicate danger.
The more "D's," the more serious the threat.
Whoa! Ah! - I think I found it.
- Oh, thank God.
I need to defrost my underwear.
I can't wait to see what Grandma Bunny left us.
Do you think it's the key to a secret crypt full of cursed bones? Mmm, that's very specific, and no.
It's some kind of time capsule.
Could be a bone key in there.
That's a whole lot of "D's.
" Up the tree! Now! Why are animals constantly trying to eat me? Mmm, what have we got here? Looks like there's a passcode.
Six letters… Passcode? Maybe we should worry about the ravenous wolves first.
They're not ravenous.
That one is saying, "Dietrich, it's me, Sharon.
" "How could you leave me and the kids after all you promised?" Dietrich, uh, is this wolf your wife? No way! I would never marry a wolf.
There's an inscription.
"The password couldn't be easier.
" Easier… A, B, C, D, E, F.
- Oh, Uncle B! - I can't look down! It's so toothy! Ooh! I've never seen wolves from this perspective.
Yes, we know, Maria! Sharon, if you ever loved me, you'll stop this right now! Help me, Dietrich.
Or we're all dog food.
I'm helping! I'm helping! My dancing thumbs! Oh, Mom.
You never liked to make anything easy, did you? Bradley! Mom, you're a wolf ghost? Yes! I always knew I had wolf blood in me.
The password couldn't be easier.
What does that even mean? The password couldn't be easier.
Chicka-dee-dee-dee! You got it, my boy.
Yes! Success! Is it one big bone key or a whole rattly bone key ring? There are no bone keys.
It's some kind of homing beacon and more coordinates.
It looks like we have to go to the Congo.
Geez! Grandma Bunny really didn't want anyone to find this thing.
After securing my mom's homing beacon, we set course for the Congo River Basin.
There, we hope to finally unearth her buried secret.
What are you doing? Do you need a throat lozenge? Because I'm all out.
I'm calling a shoebill stork.
Stop summoning prehistoric bird monsters.
I'm not summoning them, just saying hello.
Uncle B, that's an empty river.
Are you having a senior moment? No, Bonnie, not the river.
The fecal matter inside the river.
I've gotta say, you've got a good eye for fecal matter.
Animal waste is chock-full of personal information, such as age, gender, health, diet.
It's why pandas pee while doing a headstand.
The male giant panda marks its territory by peeing on large trees.
Okay, nothing special about that.
Your dog does the exact same thing.
But a giant panda pees while doing a headstand.
Oh, that's nice.
The reason for this is the higher he can pee on a tree, the bigger he'll appear to other pandas who come by later to smell his scent.
And this will impress his female admirers and intimidate his male rivals.
Rhinos will all defecate in the same spot as a way of passing information on to the group.
It's like an online message board composed completely of feces.
So, basically a regular online message board.
Ah, there you go.
We'll take this sample back to base camp.
That doesn't seem sanitary.
Yeah, I probably should have washed that container.
We're close.
Mmm, the capsule must be under this boulder.
- I'll find a branch to use as a lever.
- No need, Bonnie.
I was the 2006 Rock-Lifting Champion of Haapiti, French Polynesia.
Hoo! God, that's heavy! I think I sprained a sphincter.
Oh God! Rustling leaves! Gorillas aren't usually aggressive, unless threatened.
He's just making a nest.
Come on! Oh! I'm being eaten! Sky worm! Sky worm! This is definitely Mom's style.
Oh God.
Oh no! He's gonna split my banana! It's okay.
 lt's okay.
Just be careful what you say and how you say it.
Gorillas have complex communication systems.
They make 25 different sounds, use hand signals, even develop regional slang.
I don't speak gorilla! I only took French in high school.
Hey! Stop singing, Dietrich! You're making the whole rainforest miserable! Well done, Bonnie! Wow! That worked out a lot better than my babysitting gig.
I've almost got you, Dietrich.
There's just two ropes left, the brown one and the bright red one.
Of course, in nature, bright colors usually mean danger, so… Heh.
I got you.
What? They were all traps? Where are these ropes even coming from? Sky worms always travel in threes.
Sky worms aren't real, Dietrich! Aw.
I'm in hell.
Ugh! How long is this song? Hmm? Mom! Tell us how to get out of your contraption.
Remember the wood turtles.
What? Why? African forest elephants.
Be very quiet.
These guys are not your typical elephant.
They're incredibly violent.
Thank God.
Please put a big, sharp tusk straight through my ears.
That's it! Bonnie, remember when we tagged those wood turtles in Nova Scotia? Of course, I could never forget that.
Wood turtles stomp their feet and slam their bellies on the ground to mimic the vibration of falling rain.
This tricks earthworms to come to the surface to avoid drowning.
Actually, I don't remember that at all.
Elephants can feel the vibrations of falling fruit via their feet.
We need them to come over here.
Whoa! Uh… Am I doing it right? Whoa! Uncle B? It's getting dark.
We should probably hurry.
Owl-faced monkeys and red river hogs.
They must be attracted by the fruit.
Hold this.
Show that rock! Oh! Put the boulder down, Uncle B! Can't crush the monkeys! Just put it down! The monkeys will move.
Can't take that chance! Oh! Holy crap! Your big, beautiful hairy arms! You need those to save me constantly.
The beacon! The time capsule isn't under the rock, it's inside the rock.
Bonnie, there's a rock hammer inside my beard.
This is the tiniest hammer I've ever seen.
Uh, where'd all the monkeys go? Why is it so quiet? Silence is the most foreboding of all communication.
When animals stop talking, they're telling you something's wrong, very wrong.
If those hippos find us in their territory, they'll obliterate us.
Come on, you stupid rock! Ugh! There's no time! Let's just leave BTG here to die.
You don't mind, right? Bonnie, my beard.
There's pastels.
And get the hippo feces.
Ugh! Mixed media art just means you've run out of ideas.
Now what? - Take the pastels and draw a hippo face.
- On it.
Dietrich, rub the hippo feces all over the boulder.
- Um, I'm swapping jobs with Bonnie.
- Fine.
Oh God, it stinks.
Oh God.
Is it too angry? Is it too hopeful? I can't judge my own work.
Dietrich, what the hell? - Is that Melon Baby's face? - It's the only thing I know how to draw.
So, this is how it ends.
We don't all have to die today.
Get out of here! Go! Now! Whoa! I'm being trampled by hippos! No one could have ever predicted this! Yes! Dietrich! Dietrich's fanny pack! He'd never leave this behind if he was… alive.
No! No! No, no, no, no! This can't be happening! Dietrich! Dietrich! Dietrich! - Good news.
- What is it? I've recovered Dietrich's watch.
We'll send it to his grandmother.
Uh, Dietrich never wore a watch.
Then I have more good news.
Dietrich may still be alive.
And there must be West African crocodiles in this river.
We really should get out of the water.
Agh! This makes no sense.
It never does.
Dietrich just wanted to be a professor at UC Davis! I can never save them.
Bradley! Don't blame yourself.
Mom? Come on, now.
This is who we are.
No Greive zoologist ever died of old age.
This is why it's so important to write our books, to communicate all we've learned to the next BTG, before it's too late.
Goodbye, Bradley! Goodbye, Mom.
I wonder who my book will be for.
And so… the Greive family legend continues to be built, one book at a time.
End of book one.
Book two to come.
I have so much more to tell you.

Previous Episode