After The Party (2023) s01e01 Episode Script

Episode 1

- # Crazy days of crumpets
in a crazy raisin rhyme.
# Sell it for a nickel
when you buy it for a dime.
# Underneath the water
is a crackle and a line.
# Lay upon your belly
like a stone along your spine.
# I see you.
# I see you.
# Oh, yes I do.
# I see you.
# I see you.
# Ooh, she's not Jamaican.
# See, I told you so.
# She's all white; she's not black.
# She doesn't have any soul.
# Get soul. #
Copyright Able 2023
- Oi. Mason. Leave that kid alone.
Here you go.
Is it bad?
- Isn't it always?
- What's the passcode?
- 8008.
I'll call the parents;
you issue a warning.
- Yeah, yeah.
- We need to follow protocol
on this, Penny. All right?
One, deal with it sensitively.
Two, issue a warning that any
further behaviour's gonna result
in immediate suspension.
And, three, be open and―
- Yeah, I know rules, Ru;
I helped write them.
- Ohhh, fuck, yes.
- Morena, everyone.
- STUDENTS: Morena.
- What's going on here?
Can anyone tell me? What's happening?
- She's excited they lowered
the price of pies.
- Excited cos
the price of pies went down.
- 100%.
- Yep, 100%. OK. Any other ideas?
- Trip over and faceplant.
- What?
- She tripped over and faceplanted.
- Yeah, looks like a faceplant to me.
But it's not.
OK, anyone else? What is this?
- Nah, uh, it's a porno, Miss.
- It's a porno.
10 points.
OK, this is a still from some
pornography that we've found on a
student's phone at school today.
All right, shh, shh, shh.
You guys are all 14, 15, right,
which means that there's
a bunch of hormones that are
sloshing around your bodies,
making all sorts of things change ―
your testicles are growing and
dropping; your penis is getting
- No, no, don't laugh. Don't laugh.
It is really important to understand
this stuff scientifically.
So, these reproductive hormones ―
these hormones that make you wanna
make babies ―
are causing you, quite rightly,
to think about sex all the time
and get erections all the time.
Am I right?
It's a scientific fact.
But here's the thing ―
in your everyday life,
you're not exposed to this
kind of sexual behaviour.
Well, I hope you're not.
But it's right there on your phone,
easily accessible.
So what are you gonna do? You're
curious. Of course you're curious.
So you're gonna look at it.
And when you look at it, it triggers
a release of dopamine in your brain.
Dopamine ― what's dopamine? Anyone?
- Like, being happy.
- Yeah, happy feelings. So it
releases the happy feeling in
your brain,
so you're gonna wanna watch more
of it again and again and again
and again and again. Of course.
But here's the thing
about pornography ―
the more you watch, the more
difficult it becomes to feel
that happy feeling,
so you're gonna watch more ―
more hardcore, nasty stuff.
And then what's worse is that when
you finally become lucky enough to
have a real-life sex partner
that you can have real-life sex
with, it won't live up to your
because this partner of yours
won't be a porn star,
won't have fake everything
and faking everything,
and neither will you have a mega,
artificially enlarged penis, will
So you're gonna feel inadequate, and
maybe some of you won't even be able
to get an erection,
which would be just sad.
Look, I know ― I know this
is embarrassing to talk about,
but it's important,
cos sex is wonderful, and don't
let this shit ruin it for you.
OK, repeat after me ―
'Thank you, Miss Wilding,
for saving my sex life.'
- STUDENTS: Thank you, Miss Wilding,
for saving my sex life.
- OK, plant cells. Open your books.
- ON STEREO: # Do ya dance,
yeah, you know you something.
- # you something.
- # Do ya dance, yeah,
you know you something.
# Hit it once, hit it twice.
- # once, hit it twice.
- # Never miss. It's a bull's-eye.
- # Hit it once, hit it twice.
- # Hit it once, hit it twice.
- # Never miss. It's a bull's-eye.
- # Never miss. It's a bull's-eye.
- It's a bull's-eye!
- # It's a bull's-eye.
- # It's a bull's-eye.
- It's a bull's-eye!
- # It's a bull's-eye.
- RAPS: # Only type of light that I
ever hide from is the red and blue
# I don't sing their song. #
Ooh, watch out, watch out. This way.
Nice job. Come on. This way. Walt.
See if you can see him.
Looking, looking, looking.
What? Oh, he's not even here.
- Can you stop playing with it,
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa!
- Walt.
Stop playing with it, please.
See if we can see Grandad, OK?
- No.
- No.
- Hey.
- Hiya.
Hi, Dad.
- Rarr! (LAUGHS)
Who is this fine specimen?
- I'm Walt!
- Oh!
- Shall we drive this?
Shall we drive it?
- What?
- Hey, Jules. Can I have a word?
I deleted it.
If I catch you with this stuff
on your phone again at school,
you're gonna give a speech at
assembly about everything I've said
today, and then you'll be suspended.
This is your official warning.
You understand?
- Yes.
- Good. See you at the game.
Get it, Duncan!
Ball up. Come on, Central.
Attack. Ahh.
Ball up.
Mark your man. Come on.
Come on, Central. Get it together.
- I could just kill the little shit.
- Defence!
- I think it's really
normal teenage stuff.
- What is?
- Kids watching porn.
- Yeah, well, you wouldn't
say that if you saw it.
- How bad was it?
- Jules. Come on, Jules.
Get out of there. Drive out of the
I told you to put
a block on his phone.
- I know that. I know that.
What's he doing here?
it's Grace. Leave a message.
- Grace. Grace, I've just seen your
father. I mean, he― he― here at the
basketball court.
Did you know he was coming back?
- Hiya.
I don't know if Grace told you,
but I've got a teaching post at
- What do you want?
- Just to say hello.
We're grandparents now, remember?
- Hey, Phil. How you doing, mate?
- Hey, man. How are you?
- Yeah, good.
- OK, meatlovers, vegetarian,
chicken or you don't care?
- Bridge, I really don't
think that I can come.
- We got team pizzas at ours.
- WOMAN: Phil? Phil, is that you?
- See ya later.
- Hey, yeah.
- You are not leaving me alone
to deal with that spoodle.
That is actual drool. Ugh.
It's revolting.
- This is home.
- Oh, second home.
- It's been a very long time.
- Come on.
- Come on, Jules.
- Oh, you're looking well.
- Wow, that's loud.
- Whoa!
- Hey, Pen.
Thanks for coming. Bridge is inside.
- Hey, Joe.
- LAUGHS: Hurry up.
- Here we go.
- Hey. How you doing?
- Mm.
- You sure?
Did you get a hold of Grace?
- Mum, do we have any more pizza?
- They just never stop eating.
- Thanks for, um,
rescuing me earlier.
- Yeah, no worries.
Can't believe he just rocked up
after, like, what, four years?
- Five.
- Do you think he's back for good?
- Actually,
can we change the subject?
- Yeah. Um
Oh, yeah, you know how last week we
were talking about the microplastics
and how they affect the plankton
reproduction cycle? Well, we're―
- Simon. I swear to God.
- What?
- No.
- She hates me talking about
that stuff at parties.
She finds it depressing.
- Cos it is depressing.
- I like depressing.
- Yeah, it should be depressing.
- Oh God, you two are
as bad as each other.
OK, here we go. Flagellum.
There you go. Yeah.
- Oh my God. Look at that whip.
It's got a whip.
- Yeah.
Yeah, right,
that there is the flagellum.
- A fa― flagellum?
- Sounds like he'd
have fun with that.
- James.
- Oh, you're being sexist.
- Oh my God. (CHUCKLES)
- Could be a woman.
Could be a dominatrix fish.
- A bit of whipping
to go with the water play.
- Yeah, well, you're giving away
all our sex secrets now.
- Oh, hey, I don't like the whip.
- This one cried.
- Aw, James.
- Cry at some things.
I cry at some things.
- Why does everyone think it's
necessary to discuss their sex
I'm not interested in what
goes on behind closed doors.
- (CHUCKLES) Did it make
you uncomfortable, Sarah?
- No.
- You sure?
Come on. It's the 21st century.
I would've thought as a modern woman
and mum that you'd be really happy
talking about everything,
especially with your kids,
wouldn't you think?
I mean, you know, back in the day,
women weren't allowed to talk about
and that's what made us
kind of victims, right?
- Here we go. The Penny Lectures.
- I like talking about sex.
- Shut up.
- Suddenly,
every second woman's a victim.
- (EXCLAIMS) Are you saying
that no woman is a victim?
- I'm just saying that I think a lot
of women make false accusations
that completely destroy
innocent men's lives.
- CHUCKLES: OK, shall we move
this conversation along?
- Hold on, Bridget.
How do you know they're innocent,
- (CHUCKLES) Just because you're
a woman doesn't automatically mean
you're telling the truth.
I mean, sometimes they
have ulterior motives.
- So speaks the resident misogynist.
- (CHUCKLES) How can I be
a misogynist? I'm a woman.
Oh my God.
- Penny.
Hey, wait up.
- This is why I didn't wanna come,
- Just ignore it.
- As if that's ever been possible.
- Come on. I just meant that
- MUFFLED: # It all
came tumblin' down.
STEREO: # Oh, yes, a-tumblin',
MUFFLED: # a-tumblin' down,
a-tumblin', a-tumblin',
STEREO: # down.
# A-tumblin', a-tumblin'
MUFFLED: # a-tumblin' down.
My love came tumblin' down
# The days are long
STEREO: # and nights
are lonely
- Shots. Shots, shots, shots.
- Yes!
Come and have a ciggie.
- Yeah, yeah, in a minute.
I'll see you in a minute.
- Ye-ah.
- Hey, Tom, how many have you had?
- How many have you had? Come on.
- Cheeky.
- On three.
One, two
- Oh Again.
- Hey, slow down.
- Yes, Auntie Penny.
- Fuck off.
- Cousin Penny sounds weird.
Hey, Grace.
Put something on.
You can see everything.
- What do you mean? It's
literally the same as a bikini, Mum.
- No, no, no,
it is totally inappropriate
for your father's birthday.
- Is it?
- What?
- My top.
- It's fine.
- It's not fine.
- Thank you.
- It's fine.
- What's the big deal
with breasts anyway?
I thought you wanted me
to be all feminist.
- Listen, I'm old; you're 15,
and flashing these us not feminist.
- Yes, it is, Mum. Guys go round
all the time shirts off ― no one
says anything.
Breasts. Breasts.
- It's not funny.
- Breasts. Yes, it's funny.
It is funny.
- Stop it.
- Breasts. Breasts. Breasts.
- Stop it. Stop it.
Hey, Phil. Phil, can you do something
about your daughter, please?
- Mm.
I wanna dance with my daughter.
- Please get her to put a T-shirt on.
- Gran, put the chips down.
- Let's dance.
- Go, Gran. Go, Gran.
Oh yeah.
- Good girls. Let's boogie.
Ollie, come on. Show us your moves.
Hey, come on. No sulking.
No sulking.
Come on, grumpy.
- I don't want to.
I really don't want to.
- # Now that the wall is completed,
# I'm taking time to build a house.
# I'm gonna build
a room that echoes
MUFFLED: # around and around
and around with its own sound.
# 'Round and around.
# I won't need to be there. #
- Just watch for that
shortening there.
Watch the way the light breaks.
- You've all had a chance to read
the letter to the editor I drafted
re Burley Fisheries.
Does anyone have any feedback?
- Only that it's
a total waste of time.
- That's a bit unfair, Penny.
- Oh, come on. They got busted
for fishing inside the reserve.
All they got was a piss-weak fine,
and now we're writing a disapproving
- I agree it's frustrating, Penny,
but what can Sea Saviours do when
they've already been through the
- Oh my God. Protest.
Protest, remember?
Their boat is sitting out there
when it should've been confiscated.
We should be picketing
their factories.
We should be calling the media.
We should be calling for a ban
on their fish,
otherwise they are
just gonna keep doing it.
- I would've stopped them
back in the day.
- Well, perhaps we can start by
sending a letter to the ministry
voicing our disappointment
over the fine.
- Hear, hear. Yeah.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- You know, I might've reacted better
if you'd given me some warning he was
coming back.
How long have you known?
- What difference does it make, Mum?
He can come back if he wants to.
It's got nothing to do with you.
- Yeah, but why didn't you tell me,
- Can we just not talk about it
right now?
- Is that the last of Mum's stuff?
- There's a couple more boxes
- It's a pretty small room, Grace.
- Yeah, I know that.
- How's she coping?
- Bravely.
- And you?
- You mean about us
sticking Gran into a rest home
or me and Walt having to move out?
God, I hate the thought of
someone else living here.
You know, the agent called.
They've got someone interested.
$750 a week ― semi-furnished.
- Oh, yeah?
- Shall we leave them these?
Unless you want them.
Do you want them?
- No.
- GRAN: Are they dirty?
- WALT: Yeah.
- Are they for Tom?
- You take that one.
That's so dirty.
- Hello, gorgeous boy.
- Nana, look.
- Have you been helping Uncle Tom,
(GASPS) What are they?
What have you got?
- Apples.
- Apples.
They're so yum.
Congratulations, Tom.
- Thank you.
- You get my flowers?
- Yeah, yeah.
Sorry, things have been a bit crazy.
- Oh, of course they have.
How's Kate?
- Yeah, good.
Yeah, you know, exhausted.
- You're gonna be a great dad,
you know.
- Yeah, well, I've had heaps
of practice with this one.
- These are all
the three giant ones.
- Ready to go?
- Big, giant
- Off to the funny farm.
- Oh, don't say that.
- It's a grand life
if you don't weaken.
- Yep.
- Here we are, Joy.
Home sweet home.
LOUDLY: Beautiful apples, Joy.
I'll just find a bowl for those.
- OK.
- That chair's a bit of a squeeze,
- No, no, it'll be― it'll be fine.
- Perfect timing.
Tea and bikkies, everyone?
- That'd be lovely, thanks.
- The first few days can be hard,
but they do settle in.
- Thank you, Francis.
- I'm not deaf yet.
- I should be the one
looking after her, like she looked
after me and Walt. It's just wrong.
- Mm. I know.
She will be fine. You know she will.
Come on. Give her a week.
She'll be running the place.
- Nature's first green is gold ―
her hardest hue to hold.
Her only leaf's a flower,
but only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
- Oh my God. She so goes home
and fucks your husband in her mind.
- So dawn goes down to day.
- Who invited her?
- MUFFLED: Phil.
- Nothing gold can stay.
That, my friends, is how it feels
to get fucking old. Cheers.
- Ka rawe. Did you make that, Joy?
- Yeah, apparently, I'm not capable.
- Well, to be honest, you're not.
- No, no, Mum. No, wait, wait, wait.
I'm just gonna get Grace.
- Oh, well, hurry.
- Grace.
Oh, what the hell?
- Mum, fuck off!
- Oh, gross, gross.
- All right, you ―
you, go get your father.
Ollie. Ollie. Come on. Come on.
- Oh, yuck.
Ollie, how much have
you had to drink?
How much?
- GROANS: I don't know.
- In there.
- Sorry.
- Who stole the tequila ―
was it you or Grace?
- In the bucket. Oh my God.
- Oh dear. (CHUCKLES)
I'll get this, hon. You go in there.
- All right.
- How are you, young man?
- I'll call his parents ―
get them to come and pick him up.
- No, no, no, please don't.
Please don't.
- You can spend the night here.
It's fine.
- Oh, for fuck's sake, Phil.
- All right. Oh, whoa, whoa.
- No! No, no, not on the bed.
Not on the bed.
- Hold on. Up you get. Up you get.
Kylie― Kylie, give me
a hand here, would you?
- Oh.
- Yeah, take an arm. There you go.
- He's all wet.
- He can sleep in the spare bed.
- Great (!) Well, if he chokes on
his own vomit, it's on you.
- Oh, you're all heart, Pen (!)
- Oh shit.
Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.
No, no, no, no, no.
Oh, no, no, no.
Oh fuck! Come on.
Oh Jesus.
- What do you think? Can you fix it?
- Dunno. Come and see me tomorrow,
and I'll give you another one.
- OK.
- Wait, hold up.
So, you're lying on the sofa
drinking wine and doing what?
- Marking assignments.
- Ugh.
- What?
- I was hoping there was
some hot sex involved. You know?
- Jesus. Ella, this is me
we're talking about.
- You need to actually
get out there and show your ex-hoa
exactly what he's missing outon.
- Are people talking?
- Just the Phil fan club.
Actually, I think
they made a chat group.
- What?
God, you're so easy to wind up.
- You're an arsehole.
- Thank you!
- Hey, Penny.
A few of us are catching up with
Phil on Friday night. You should
come along.
- Fuck off, Kevin.
- Just trying to be friendly.
Thought you'd love a piss-up
with the old crew like old times.
- Like I said, fuck off.
- OK, come on, fellas.
Come up the front.
Bring your pens and notebooks.
That means you as well, Nathan.
All right, I've got a treat for you
today ― some good old-fashioned rat
This guy here is my little mate
- Is it even legal?
- Oh, Kahu. How lovely of you
to grace us with your presence.
Do you wanna do the honours?
- Nah, it's against my principles.
- Oh! Oh, and what are they?
- Oh, I'm a vegetarian.
- Oh. Well, no one's
asking you to eat it.
- But it's still exploitation of
animals ― didn't ask to be born
a lab rat.
- Well, it's not a lab rat. It lived
a blissful life in my compost heap
until it was lured into a trap by
some really yummy peanut butter,
and, bang, here it is.
OK, anybody else?
Come on.
You lot are such a bunch
of wimps. OK, come closer. It's dead.
It won't bite. All right. Herewe go.
Look closely, sketch and learn.
Very similar to
the human digestive system.
Your assignment's overdue.
- Yeah.
- OK, come on. Walk with me.
It's not just your assignment.
If you don't start turning up,
I'm gonna have to report you.
- And?
- Your mum's gonna love that (!)
- Whatever.
- Should I be reading that
as a cry for help?
- No.
- Pick that up.
All right, stop.
I wanna know why my top student
is behaving like such a loser.
- The world's melting down, and you
want an essay on human homeostasis.
- Yeah, I see the irony.I do. I do.
But I also see
a really smart kid who's wallowing in
pessimism instead of doing something.
- Oh God, you're trying to make this
into an inspiring teacher moment.
- Oh, don't behave like
such an arsehole, Kahu.
On my desk in the morning.
- Yeah, yeah.
- Hey! I told you to pick that up.
Grilled pear. Will you make me some
when I take you home?
- Yep.
- What does it taste like?
- A little bit spicy but
- A little bit spicy?
- Yeah, but it's not that spicy.
- And what would you eat with grilled
pear? Would you eat broccoli with it?
- No. Maybe that would
be a little bit gross.
- Seven!
- Eight!
- Eight!
- Nine!
- Nine!
- 10!
- 10!
- 11!
- 11!
- Eight!
- Eight!
Oh, let's start again.
- One!
- One!
- # Her name is Farty the dinosaur.
# She does those farts
that we adore.
# They really make your day.
# They're heard from miles away.
# We all love Farty the dinosaur! #
- GRACE: I'm home.
- I'm in here.
- These aren't his shoes.
- Well, they were by his bag.
- Everything's named, Mum.
You have to check.
- OK.
- What are you doing?
- I'm, uh, sorting out Mum's stuff.
That's rubbish.
That's charity.
Do you want this?
- Um
I don't know.
- And how much of the kitchen stuff
do you wanna keep?
- All of it.
- Well, I haven't got room
to store all of it.
- Gran said that I could
stay here as long as I wanted.
- Yeah, well, we can't afford that.
We need the rent money for the
rest home. You know that.
- Dad's gonna pay it.
- What?
Uh, how come?
- Well, he needs a place to rent,
and it would just make sense that
he would move in with me and Walt.
- No. No.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no. He can't
live here. This is my family home.
- It's― It's not the family home.
I'm the one that's been living here
the past five years.
- Oh, for fuck's sake!
That's not the fucking point!
- Can you not speak like
that in front of Walt?
- Whose idea was this ― yours or his?
- He's my dad.
Is it really that hard for
you to understand that maybe
he just wants to help me out?
- I thought that's what I was doing.
I've just
I've just painted
the spare room for Walt.
- Don't do that.
Don't try and guilt-trip me.
- Fuck you.
WHISPERS: Oh, fuck, no.
Shit, shit, shit, shit,
shit, shit, shit, shit.
- Can you see anyone?
- Nah.
- The nets ― someone's cut the lot.
There! In the kayak. I see him.
- Watch out for the rocks.
Pull up there.
He's up the beach.
You little fucker.
Fuck it.
- Where'd he go?
- Can't have gone far.
- He must have gone
behind the houses.
- You go check.
We've got your kayak,
you fuckin' prick!
Calling the fucking cops.
Get off my property.
- Shh. It's me.
It's me.
- What the fuck?
- Is everything OK, Penny?
- It's OK, Graham.
It's me. It's Phil.
- Phil.
You're back.
- Yeah, I'm sorry
to disturb you, mate.
- Oh, OK, well, uh
drop by sometime.
- I will, mate. I will.
Thanks. Goodnight.
- Night.
- I was getting the long board for
Grace. I want her to get back into
- All right, well,
just take it and fucking go.
- Listen, I know this is tough for
you, but could you meet me halfway?
Would you come to Walt's
birthday party next weekend?
It would mean the world to Grace.
It would mean the world to Walt.
At your mum's house.
If you want― If
- # Cos it's tearing me in two
- Mum.
- Mm.
- Did you see Phil?
- Uh, what, is he on the deck?
- No. No, no.
- # You seem familiar.
# Oh, you seem so close.
# I wonder on a lonely
night like this #
- Shh.
Five years you've peddled this shit,
and the only person
it hurts is Grace.
- I just don't think it's appropriate
Walt's sitting on his lap.
- Get out!
- No.
- Get out of the car!
- No. No.
- I know who you are, Ms Wilding.
- That was an official warning.
What were you thinking?
- I'm sorry.
- No, no, no, it's OK.
- I'm so sorry.
- Penny, it's
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