Aftertaste (2021) s01e01 Episode Script

Episode 1

You know what to do.
I'm sorry, did I just interrupt a group prostate exam? Pull your fingers out of your fuckin' arses and get to work! ALL: Yes, Chef! Easton? - What are you doing? - Running a kitchen.
What I'm not doing is two-bit whoring myself to some cashed-up clowns that are profiting off my name.
Easton, I managed to get you this gig, which makes me manager of the fucking year.
Now, you do what your contract says and you get out there and you shake some investor hands and get the hell out of the kitchen.
- ALL: Yes, Chef! - Who's the soigné? Oh, are you fucking kidding me? Is there a real food critic in the house or just that tabloid hack? Do you really want to take a running jump off the only bridge that you haven't burnt in this industry? See the Chinese cast of Goodfellas out there? - They're your last chance.
- Well, send them my apologies along with a photo of my Michelin-starred arse.
And tell that critic hack that the only opinion I'd trust from her is what her editor's balls taste like.
What the fuck is that?! It's supposed to be pork with potato quenelle.
Does that look like a quenelle to you, does it? It's a smear.
I didn't realise they did quenelles anymore.
What kind of actual fuck?! (GLASS CRASHING) Anyone else smudges my spud and I will personally spit-roast you! Service.
Give that to the hag on 9.
This isn't just your career that you're messing with, you know? - And you promised me - No, no, no, no! Why am I still seeing smears? When I say quenelles - I mean fucking quenelles! - Jesus Christ, Easton, no-one gives a shit about your quenelles! It's your name and your face that they want, and this is one of the few places where that name actually still means something.
So if I were you I would be playing ball and getting the fuck out of the kitchen before you get us both into shit! Excuse me, Chef.
The hag on 9 says hello and she would like to return her over-salty quenelle back to 1991.
Please for your response? Easton Easton, what are you doing? (EASTON YELLS) (THE SAINTS' I'M STRANDED PLAYS) Like a snake calling on the phone ♪ I've got no time to be alone ♪ There's someone coming at me all the time ♪ Yeah, babe, I think I'll lose my mind ♪ 'Cause I'm stranded on my own ♪ Stranded far from home ♪ All right ♪ I'm riding on a midnight train ♪ But everybody just looks the same ♪ A subway light, its dirty reflection ♪ I'm lost, babe I've got no direction ♪ And I'm stranded on my own ♪ (BIRDS WARBLING) (CLICKS PHONE) Have you guys decided yet, or? - Oh, I dunno.
- (CLICKS PHONE) - They look so amazing.
Um, yeah, well, we might come back later, eh? Yeah, cool.
No, you won't.
All right, bye! And off they go to Zhao's.
Man, why can't we get that kind of attention? - 'Cause we aren't Ben Zhao? - Yet.
And if you don't work on your customer service skills, you'll never be Ben Zhao.
Nayani, just do me a favour and just gaze upon my remix of Grandma June's Prune Lagoon, okay? I'm a goddamn artist, not a friggin' salesperson.
I just feel like we deserve so much more than just slinging our desserts out of the gutter like a pair of strumpets.
- Diana, we are not strumpets.
- Shh.
Zhao's sous-chef, three o'clock.
Mmm, mmm, mmm.
This strumpet wanna humpet that crumpet.
You might actually have to, I dunno, have a conversation with him first? Nah.
I'm a zero to 100 kinda gal.
What do we think? Should we call it? I need to study for my exams.
MAN: So how was the stall today? DIANA: Really good, yeah.
Smashed it.
- Hot Buns is hot.
- Hm.
And did you also smash your enrolment, like you said you would? Mum, do I really want to be tied down with uni when I could be focusing on my real vocation? We would both just prefer if you had a more stable vocation.
We are not saying you can't bake.
You just But you need options.
Well, don't speak for Brett.
Brett, what do you want? I want you both to be happy.
There you go! Bretty wants a bitch to bake.
- Uh-uh.
- (KNOCK AT DOOR) - No, no, no.
Brett Brett - I'll get it.
No, Brett never said he wanted a bitch to bake.
- (KNOCK AT DOOR) - All right, I'm coming.
Jeez! Hi.
Shut the fuck up.
Does Denise live here? Is this? What is this? What is happening? Well, if I'm in the wrong place, I I'm Diana! Your niece, dude.
Oh, right.
I tried to add you on Facey, like, years ago, but it ended up just being a fan account.
It's taken down now.
- Do you mind if I come in? - Sure.
Come in.
Just in time for some spag bol, love.
You know what? In real life, you two have the same eyes.
- You have a nice place.
- Thanks.
It's all Denise.
Except the blinds.
That's my specialty.
Actually, that's how we met.
I installed the blinds in Denise's old place after she split up with - (COUGHING) Cockhead! - Diana.
- What? - Diana.
He's my father.
I can call him whatever I want.
(CLEARS THROAT) Is this bottled pasta sauce? Pasta's well cooked.
Al dente.
It's timed perfectly, hon.
I like cooking, but I'm no MasterChef.
I do know my julienne from my lazy Susan.
- (DIANA CHUCKLES) - Diana has your cooking genes.
(BANGS TABLE) I think I'm gonna get an early night.
- Mum, it's 6:30.
- I'm tired.
Brett, can you please see Jimmy I'm sorry, Easton out? No, I can I can help clean up.
No, um, it's-it's fine.
I I've been doing fine without your help for, how long is it now, 30 years? And as much as I would love you to stay, because you clearly have nowhere else to go, I'm afraid we don't have the space.
- What, nowhere else to go? - We have a sofa.
Well, I'm not here because I have nowhere else to go.
I could be in London right now, or Paris.
You know, I wanted to get back in touch with my roots, you know, spend time with family.
(LAUGHS) You know, the whole Shanghai thing has been blown out of proportion anyway.
You don't think a chef has thrown an animal carcass at someone before? I mean, it's a beat-up.
People in the industry get it.
Well, I'm not in the industry, I use bottled pasta sauce, and if you really, really want to spend time with family, great.
Spend it with fucking Dad.
He has plenty of room.
And you'd better not drive him.
(MUSIC PLAYS ON STEREO) You know, you might actually like this place, dude.
We've got quite the food and wine scene.
Can you please slow down? (TYRES SCREECH) - Fuck! - (HORN BEEPS) Jesus.
That place there, Zhao's, that's, like, the hot joint.
Zhao's? As in Ben Zhao? What, you know Zhao? Holy shit, dude! He's huge! We should go say hi.
He can't be that huge.
I mean, he's no Easton West.
Which he's probably happy about right about now.
I'm kidding! I'm kidding.
I mean, if you had a place here, you'd shit all over him.
Yeah, well, I was thinking about opening a place up here.
Yeah, cool.
I mean, once you've, you know, served your time and paid your penance, you should totally try and make a comeback.
What do you mean, "paid my penance"? (SCOFFS SOFTLY) Oh.
Guys like you, I mean, you gotta follow the recipe, right? I mean, you make your heartfelt apology to the press and then you go into 'bad man' exile and then, after all that, then you can, you know, make a comeback.
I'm not going into 'bad man' exile.
I'm not a bad man.
This place would be lucky to have me.
You know I'm actually in the biz, too? - Desserts are kinda my thing.
- (GROANS SOFTLY) Actually, you might be able to help me out.
Could you, like, put me in touch with someone, like Nigella, or? - We don't talk anymore.
- Yeah.
Yeah, I just need connections, dude.
You know, I mean, I feel like it's kinda the least you could do after all these years of radio silence and not even knowing I exist.
That's a completely separate issue.
You should never mix business with family.
And can you please slow the fuck down?! Jeez.
I got finger-banged there.
Hey, can we do a cookout here one night? Pop tells me you guys used to do a mean barbecue on the fire pit.
Oh, yeah.
Your mum's old cookbook.
I use her recipes as inspo.
I know I never actually got to meet Nan, but I feel This is mine.
Hey, if you need a lift or, like, a shoulder to cry on, I'm here for ya, Unkie Eastie.
(HUFFS) Seriously.
Not about the crying, though! That'd be weird.
Okay! Laters! MAN: State your business.
It's me, Easton.
The room's in the same spot.
Like you now full of shit.
(CHUCKLES SOFTLY) Ah, it's good to see you, too.
Don't call me 'Jimmy'.
(CHUCKLES) Jesus (EXHALES) (EXHALES) (SIGHS) (STIRRING) DIANA: I really think we connected.
And he was, like, super impressed with my stuff.
NAYANI: (ON PHONE) He said that? Well, I mean, it was in his eyes.
And is he as mean as he seems? Oh, 100%, but in, like, a cool way.
There isn't a cool way.
There absolutely is.
We just have to pretend like there isn't.
Oh, shit.
I think I over-egged.
You know, it might actually help having him around.
Help how? He can't even help himself.
Give it time, Nayani.
I mean, you know, anything's possible.
- (PHONE CHIMES) - And, besides, I mean, he's got really good connections.
(GASPS) - Holy shit.
- What? What? Diana? Sorry, I gotta go.
Can you? MAN 1: Now, Chef, it's been a while since you've been back in Adelaide.
EASTON: It's been a while, yes.
Were you glad to see the Mall's Balls are still here? I don't know what that is.
MAN 2: Now, Chef, you've had a brutal couple of weeks.
- How are you feeling? - I wouldn't call it brutal.
Well, you're back in Adelaide.
That's pretty brutal.
And you asked to come on our show, which is pretty tragic.
- Well, I heard great things.
- Yeah.
Returning home has actually been on the cards for a while.
I found myself at the stage where I wanted to get back to my roots, support the local industry.
And it's interesting you say that because our producers did some digging - and they found a direct quote - Yeah, that's right.
Where you refer to Adelaide as "a pitiful, parochial cesspit "of a syphilitic city of ill-bred boorish oafs "who wouldn't know a cassoulet from a deep-fried donkey's dick".
Well, clearly, that was said in jest.
No, I'm actually loving being home, spending time with family, with my dad, and my niece.
Oh, yeah, I'm sure you are.
Let's talk about Shanghai, because you really didn't hold back, did ya? Could say you went the whole hog.
I'm not proud of what I did, but I was under a lot of pressure and reached boiling point.
- Happens to the best of us.
- Yep.
We all feel the stress and then punch dudes and then throw a pig in a lady's lap.
For me, Ben, that's a regular Friday night.
Yeah, look, if I could go back and Was it a 'farm to table' thing you were going for? No, no, no.
It was farm to table to cancelled! Will you let me fuckin' talk?! I'm trying to apologise, but you keep interrupting! Stop being rude! Yes, I went too far, but I want to put it behind me and focus on the future.
And, no, no, I have not been cancelled because I am actually I'm actually opening up my very first Australian restaurant here.
Really? Yeah.
I'm bringing Michelin-star dining to the Adelaide Hills.
It's very exciting.
So, could we please focus on that? Yeah.
Our apologies, Chef.
That actually is quite exciting.
Um now, did you manage to bring home the bacon, or is that still in Shanghai? - (BOTH LAUGH) - (SNORTS) Don't mind us.
We're just carrying on like pork chops.
- (LAUGHS) - Don't hog all the jokes, Liam.
- Are we 'boaring' you? - (BOTH LAUGH) Somebody call the 'hambulance'! You're with Ben and Liam.
(CHEERING, GLASS SMASHING) It really wasn't that bad.
I mean, no nobody even really listens to popular commercial radio.
You're supposed to help my situation, not screw it harder.
Why the Christ did I even listen to you? Well, I mean, I said to lay low for a while.
I didn't say go announce your comeback.
I mean, how the hell are you supposed to start a restaurant now, ya big newb? I mean, who the hell are you, anyway? You run a shitty cake stall.
When I was your age, I was working for Robuchon.
Yeah, as a dish-pig.
You know, if there's one thing I cannot stand, it's fat girls playing their 'wacky, zany, funny' card to cover up their insecurities.
Oh, don't be such a big baby! And don't leave your shit with me! Ooh, wah, ooh, wah ♪ Ooh, wah ♪ Ooh, wah ♪ Ooh, wah, ooh, wah ♪ Ooh, wah, ooh, wah ♪ DENISE: Knock, knock.
- (VACUUM WHIRRS) - Won't be long.
I can do it myself, Mum.
I'm doing the other rooms anyway.
(VACUUM WHIRRS) Finally doing your enrolment, I see.
(BIRD CAWING) (STARTS ENGINE) (HANDBRAKE CREAKS) Chef West! Dude, it's been crazy.
After I came back from London, I was just sick and tired of being someone's bitch.
You know? I just wanted to do my food in my own joint and be close to the Hills, so I started this place.
And the first year, I got my first hat, second year, second hat.
This is my third year.
And you know what? I don't really care about that bullshit.
No, well, it's like with my Michelin stars It didn't even matter when Eminem raved about me or, uh, Marco Pierre White named us his fave Australian restaurant.
No, no.
For me, it's about being able to express my life journey through my food.
She's inspired my whole menu.
(SIGHS) Anyway, enough about me.
What can I do you for? Well, actually, I'm here to offer you an opportunity.
How would you like to get in on the ground? Oh.
Wait, wait, wait.
Ah, here we go.
Thanks, Kwame.
Deep-fried snapper on betel leaf, locally sourced.
Try it.
It's good, right? People go nuts for it.
It's even got its own hashtag.
I'm not really across that stuff.
You should catch up.
Anyway, sorry, you were saying? Yes, well, uh, I'm not sure if you've heard, but, um, I'm starting up my own Wait, wait, wait.
Wait till you try this.
Meat-pie dumpling with Nan's special sauce.
(CLEARS THROAT) Right? People dig the authentic but with a twist thing.
Actually, I have you to thank for that.
Do you remember when you fired me? You said I'd never be anything more than a small-town Chinese cook.
Turns out you were right.
Worked out pretty well, though.
Um, I don't remember saying that.
I do.
All right, look I know I'm not the most popular guy at the moment, but cheffing is what I'm known for.
When all this bullshit has blown over, I really want to get something going here.
Dude, dude, come on.
Blow over? (CHUCKLES) This isn't just about Shanghai, this is your whole career.
Uh, bullying, abuse, sexism, generally just being a dick.
You are gonna need to take some time, like, find a new narrative or something 'cause people are over the angry white guy schtick.
It's not a schtick.
Well, then people are over you.
My Nan's mapo balls.
Hashtag "Nan's balls".
What a prick.
(EXHALES SOFTLY) (TYRES SCREECH) Oh Come on! For fuck's sake! - (BLARES HORN) - Move it! (BLARES HORN) Jeez (MUTTERS ANGRILY) Shoo! Move! Fuckin' get out! You aren't better than me! You're a you're a bird, ya fuckin' mangy fuckin' flightless fuck! (GRUNTS) Fuck you! Fuck! (WHIMPERS) (GUNSHOT) Jesus Christ! Oh Thanks for scaring her off, dickhead.
Is nobody in this place just a little bit happy to see me? Happy to see the back of you.
Did it occur to you that I might just want to see my family say hello? Well hello.
Hello, Dad.
- Je! - Gotcha! There's your 'cock and van' sorted.
It's 'coq au vin'! And it's with chicken, ya ya lunatic! (SIGHS) You know, the best thing about people hating you, once they're done hating you, they just forget about ya.
I didn't think you liked desserts.
Well, I like Diana's.
It tastes like Mum's custard.
When was the last time you used the fire pit? Oh, buggered if I know.
But if you are doing a cookout, you'd better invite Diana.
She's always on my bloody arse about it.
Yeah, good idea.
(PHONE CHIMES) What's all this? Said you wanted a cookout.
Who invited you, dickhead? Clearly not you, ya arsehole.
Oh, this is seriously next level.
I mean, Mum used to tell me about the pit and the barbecue, but, oh, man, the taste is good.
Oh, it's not that good.
My rabbit's raw.
I think he's trying to kill me.
No, I just didn't burn it to a crisp like you would've done.
I thought cooks were meant to cook.
Oh, I almost forgot.
I believe this is yours.
Also, I tried your cakes.
I might have trained in top French kitchens, but the reason I started cooking was actually my mum.
I think she'd be proud.
Yeah, well, I'm, you know, all about that authentic family shit and I just put my own Diana spin on it.
Yeah, you see, that's fantastic.
It's a narrative.
It's your narrative.
In a way, it's our narrative.
What a wanker.
I'm going to bed.
Don't choke on your own vomit.
Don't drown in your own bullshit.
So, is your plan just to stick it out at the stall? I dunno, I mean, I probably won't even have that for that much longer because I'm broke and Mum's on my back about uni so I don't become you, so, yeah, I dunno.
Don't ever let anybody tell you what to do with your life.
I didn't.
And don't underestimate yourself.
You're more than just some baker.
Okay Look, if you found someone with clout who could raise your profile, you could become huge.
Yeah, I know.
That's why I wanted Nigella's deets Well, Nigella's a hack.
And she can't make you one of the greatest pastry chefs in the world.
What you need is someone to partner up with, build something together, take it to the next level.
And that someone is you? That's what family's for, right? So I would be your partner? Or apprentice.
We open in a month.
(CHUCKLING) Yeah, we open in a month I'm here to support my niece.
Well, I hope your food's easier to swallow than your bullshit.
DIANA: How about 'Hot Buns, Hotter Ass'? What do you mean, "burial ground"? It's a cliché to fuck me.
I have a pair, you fuck-knuckle! They're just all up inside me!
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