ALF s02e12 Episode Script

ALF's Special Christmas: Part 1; ALF's Special Christmas: Part 2

[Alf] * on the 82nd day of christmas my true love gave to me * * 81 cats a-Broiling [Willie] enough ! [Alf] * 79 cats a-Toasting [Kate] enough ! [Alf] * 77 cats a-Sizzling [ Everyone ] enough, alf ! [Alf] not only are we spending christmas [Alf] in some desolate cabin with no running water, [Alf] we're not allowed to sing.
[Willie] just don't sing about you-Know-What.
[Alf] what ? [Kate] roasting cats.
[Alf] i didn't say roasting.
I said frying, boiling, baking [Willie] you know what we mean.
[Alf] right, no cat songs.
[Brian] will there be snow ? [Willie] hopefully.
[Alf] great.
No running water, no cat songs, and no snow.
[Willie] we should have tied him to the roof rack.
[Alf] why are we stopping here ? [Willie] this is where we are going to spend our christmas.
[Alf] why didn't you just get a manger ? Let's check this out.
You check it out ! I need to check out the outdoor plumbing.
Well ? Well ? What do you think ? It's, uh Rustic.
It's neat.
I was about your age When i spent christmas here With my whole family.
I don't think mr.
Foley has changed a thing.
The kitchen could use some updating.
Look -- This is where we put our stockings.
And the tree was right over there.
On christmas eve, we drank hot cider, And sang christmas carols until the wee hours.
This will be that sort of christmas -- A christmas full of warmth, love, and joy.
[Alf] help, help ! I'm stuck in the outhouse ! Hold that thought.
Careful with that box ! That's precious cargo.
What's in it ? It's so heavy.
Your color tv.
You said there wouldn't be any tv up here.
There is no tv because there is no electricity.
You can't run a tv without electricity.
There goes the perry como special.
What's in this one ? Your microwave.
But it seems like a moot point, now.
Well, my dad lost his job, And then we lost our house.
How do you lose a house ? We didn't actually lose the house.
We couldn't afford to make the payments, And we had to get out.
It was the middle of december.
We were literally out in the streets, When mr.
Foley heard about what happened.
He said he had this cabin up in the woods, That he hardly ever went to, And we could stay there for as long as we had to.
That christmas, we had nothing.
Absolutely nothing -- No presents, no toys -- Nothing.
I think that was the best christmas i can remember.
Where was mr.
Foley ? He was at his house in town.
I bet it had indoor plumbing.
We got a letter that margaret was ill, And since they weren't using the cabin You jumped at the invitation.
We're not getting through.
It's just a phase.
I'm sorry.
I know we'll have a great time.
* deck the dump with boughs of holly * * fa la la la la * Here, willie, hang the holly.
Where'd you find it ? Out back.
I like your sweater.
It's the perry como look.
It's stunning.
It looks a little like It is.
It's the present i bought for willie.
Take off the sweater.
What are you doing with it ? Wearing it ! I looked silly in your new robe.
Did you get me a robe ? Apparently.
Apparently ?? It's in the box next to brian's bicycle.
I get a bike for christmas ? Oh boy ! Can i have it now ? Can you wait 'til christmas ? Okay.
These are christmas presents To be opened on christmas day.
They're supposed to be surprises.
They're not from you, anyway ! Sure they are ! Look at the tags.
To willie, from alf.
To kate, from alf.
To lynn, from alf.
To alf, from alf.
To brian, from alf.
Did you change the tags ? When do i have time to shop ? He changed the tags, He put his name on brian's bicycle, Then told him what it was.
I didn't tell him it's red.
It's red ?? I just said that to throw him off the track.
He is getting a red bicycle.
Not exactly.
It's a bicycle kit.
Some assembly is required -- Yes.
Some assembly ?? Have you read the instructions ? It requires pliers, a screw driver And someone with a vague idea of what they're doing.
I think i'll hang the holly.
Dad, wait -- That's not holly.
What is it ? It's poison oak.
Is this poison oak ? I don't know -- Brian's the cub scout.
How can you tell ? Elementary ! He wears a blue uniform and goes to meetings.
Are you finished ? Unless i hear laughter.
I withdraw the cub scout joke.
Why do you think this is poison oak ? It has Kate, start pumping.
Running water would be handy, wouldn't it.
You don't understand anything about christmas.
You think it's just opening presents, And being a general nuisance.
Isn't it about time he had A little consideration for us ? Now, take that poison oak, And dump it out in the woods.
And don't hurry back ! [Door slams] This is mr.
Nice to meet you.
We were about to fix dinner.
Won't you stay ? No, thanks.
I'm on my way to deliver toys to the hospital.
I stopped by to see if you need anything.
Toys ? Every year, mr.
Foley repairs toys That children have thrown away.
On christmas eve, he takes them to the hospital, And gives them out Not quite, willie.
I deliver the toys to santa claus, And he gives them to the children.
Is mrs.
Foley any better ? Well, i mustn't keep santa claus waiting.
Good day.
A replica of a batu spaceship ! Perfect for brian.
Doesn't fly.
Foley -- Is anything wrong ? I almost forgot your christmas present.
Promise you won't open it until christmas day.
A rolling cat-Platter ! Perfect for lucky.
I'll give it to kate.
[Door slams] uh-Oh.
Margaret passed away two weeks ago.
I didn't have time to write everybody.
Foley -- We're so sorry.
Ho ho ho.
Merry christmas everybody.
Come on out.
Follow me.
You two look like brothers.
You are ? How about sharing this ? Okay ? Merry christmas.
What is your name ? Katie ? I have something for you.
It's cute as you, and looks like you.
Merry christmas, katie.
I want the ball and the mitt.
Sorry -- customer.
I'll take the ball and the mitt.
What's your name, son ? James.
I've got a bat and this funny-Looking thing.
What is it ? I'm not sure.
I don't remember bringing this in here.
Sure is an ugly-Looking thing.
Big ugly ears and eyes I think she's beautiful.
She's heavier than she looks.
Thank you, santa.
Your welcome, darling.
I wish i had a present to give you.
That's okay -- Christmas isn't about presents.
It's about giving of yourself.
You've given me a wonderful gift by saying "thank you.
" I'm going to name her amanda.
My name is tiffany and i'm 8 years old.
How old are you, amanda? You're 8 years old, too ? Want to put your feet up ? You would ? Okay.
Tiffany, hop into bed.
It's time to take your temperature.
Amanda wants you to take her temperature first.
Amanda ? Oh, hello.
Let's see if i have an extra thermometer.
Here we go.
Open up.
Good night.
Good night, amanda.
Amanda, dear, do come in.
I'm so glad you could come to visit.
We have so much to talk about.
Care for tea and cookies ? Everyone here is very nice, But they're all too busy to talk.
Here, let me serve you.
Yes, they are very good.
I made them myself.
Who's your favorite tv star ? Mine, too ! He's such a hunk.
We have so much in common.
There used to be another girl here, But they moved her to a different room.
Her mom was afraid she might get depressed if we became friends, and Know what you need ? Earrings.
Here's a beautiful pair.
They'll look fabulous on you.
Pink is definitely your color.
Hold it.
This where i draw the line.
I've got to level with you -- My name is alf, not amanda.
Blue is my color.
I'm a boy.
You can talk ! Yeah, and it's a good thing, Or i'd be wearing a bra by now.
Mind if i have another cookie ? This is fantastic ! A stuffed animal that talks and eats cookies.
I've got to show nurse hilliard.
No, please ! Don't tell anyone.
Why not ? Because i'm not a stuffed toy.
I'm real.
And i'm in danger.
You've got to help me get home.
But santa gave you to me.
Your mine.
Guess i better explain.
Come here.
This is all i have left.
I like him better than amanda.
You sure ? Yeah, next year you can give amanda To another little girl who's not so fussy.
You can have both toys if you'd like.
No, i'm bored with him -- I mean her.
Thanks anyway, santa.
Willoughby, are you busy ? George, i mean santa -- I wanted to wish you a merry christmas, And give you this for the hospital.
It's not much.
Thank you, george.
Thank you very much.
Merry christmas.
Where should i send your receipt ? Don't bother.
Don't open it until tomorrow.
Did you give out all those presents ? All except for that oddball.
Tiffany took it and then gave it back.
Ha ha ha.
All she wanted was to see you for christmas.
Another kid told her there was no santa.
She asked me if it was true.
What did you tell her ? I showed her this.
"Yes, virginia, there is a santa claus.
" The most famous newspaper editorial of all time.
"He exists as certainly as love and generosity "And devotion exists.
"How dreary would be the world if there were no santa claus.
"It would be as dreary as if there were no virginias.
"There would be no child-Like faith, "No poetry, no romance, "To make tolerable this existence.
"The eternal light with which childhood fills the world, Would be extinguished.
" Tiffany ? Yeah.
I can't do anything for her.
What do you say to a little girl who won't see another christmas ? Alf ! Shhh ! I thought you had to leave.
Yeah, yeah.
I, uh, i do.
You came back to see me ? Yeah.
I wanted to say merry christmas.
Merry christmas.
And to see if you had more cookies.
You ate them all.
I drew a picture of you.
This is me ? Pretty good, huh? Where's my nose ? I didn't have room on the page.
Who's this ? It's me.
Can't you tell ? You're wearing wings.
You're not from the planet bungaraya ? No.
I'm from earth.
The wings They're beautiful.
Do you ever miss melmac ? Yeah.
I miss it a lot.
It was my whole world.
Everything and everybody i knew was there.
What do you miss the most ? My friends.
That's what i thought.
But -- When i came to this world, I made new friends.
Like the people i live with, And you, tiffany.
I discovered a lot of new things.
Like what ? Like pavement and silverware.
What about christmas ? I don't have a handle on christmas yet.
People get uptight about presents.
That's because they just don't know.
Know what ? Christmas isn't about presents.
It's about giving of yourself.
That's what santa claus said.
After meeting you, i know what he means.
Alf, Are you really from way out there ? Yeah.
Somewhere out there.
Kate, look at this.
Dad, you shouldn't open that until christmas.
It was an accident.
It's the deed to this cabin.
He says, "i hope your family will enjoy many more christmases at this cabin.
" We can't accept a gift of this cabin.
Why not ? This place is neat.
I want to live here.
Don't you, lynn? Oh, sure.
No !I mean i don't want to live here.
An occasional visit in the area, that's fine.
Foley hardly knows me.
What can he be thinking ? Has anyone seen alf ? Alf Alf, could you stay with me, Just until i fall asleep ? Hey, no problem.
Alf, Do you want to know a secret ? If you want to tell me.
I'm going to have to move on to another world, too.
There's nothing anyone can do about it.
I'm afraid to go, alf.
I know i'm not supposed to be afraid, But i can't help it.
It's all right, tiffany.
It's all right to be afraid.
You know, Maybe in the next world that i'm going to They'll have christmas all year round.
Could be.
And everyone will want to be my friend.
I know they will.
Maybe everyone will be just like you, alf.
Well, there is such a thing as Too much of a good thing.
Hah ! I love you, alf.
I love you too, tiffany.
Alf ? Alf ? Boy, it's getting cold.
You'd better go back to the house.
I'll keep looking.
I don't want to quit until we find alf.
Say, you've got to stay warm.
Alf's got a fur coat; you don't.
What if he gets caught in a trap Or a hunter shoots him ? Alf's been around.
He's had a good life.
What we mean is -- I'm sure alf knows how to stay under cover.
I hope.
Okay men, Cover me ! I've got everything -- Stopwatch, cassette player, Mozart tape, lamaze book, Camera, film, Coins for the phone, This bag, What about me ? Oh, my god, denise ! Come on, sweetheart.
Willoughby] you should have an easy time, denise.
We're sending you straight to the delivery room.
Everything's okay ? Everything's fine.
You'll deliver the baby soon.
Now ? Don't we have to do the breathing ? Yeah, we all have to continue breathing.
But doctor, you don't understand.
We've gone to classes to practice breathing.
[Breathes deeply ] Yes, but the breathing is to help the mother Get through the Hours of agony? Exactly.
Can i still watch the delivery ? I want to be a part of everything.
You can cut the umbilical cord.
Uh, not that.
We need 10 milligrams diazepam.
No pain- Killers.
I want to be aware of everything.
It's for him.
He's not usually like this.
Not now, richard ! Kelly, help richard move his equipment.
I'll go scrub while denise is in prep.
I need my light meter.
Wait, richard ! Denise ! The elevator ! Richard ! [Elevator stops] What happened ? The elevator's stuck.
Somebody help me ! Denise ! Call maintenance.
They've all gone home.
Maybe mr.
Foley can fix it.
What does he look like ? Red suit,santa white beard.
Claus ? Breathe, denise.
Ahhhhhhh ! Somebody help me, please ! Help is on the way.
George, The elevator's stuck.
Somebody, Please help me.
Denise, Dr.
Gordon shumway.
[Screams] I know, i know.
[Screams] You already said that.
[Screams] That's starting to get on my nerves.
I told them no drugs.
You're not on drugs.
Just relax while i You're a doctor ? Yes, uh, from melmac.
The melmac clinic in minneapolis.
Never heard of it.
We're stuck in an elevator.
Now is not the time to question my credentials.
Calm down, okay ? Okay.
What seems to be the problem ? The problem ?? I'm gonna have a baby.
I see.
Did you get a Just covering myself on this malpractice issue.
Doctor, just tell me what to do ? Okay, just a couple routine questions.
What ? Exactly where do babies come from ? How can a doctor not know that ? Hey, i'm not married.
You might get in through the trapdoor.
The stairs ! All right, we've got it.
"Just relax and don't push.
" It's happening.
It's happening.
What's happening ? Oh, yeah, yeah.
"Don't push yet.
Any minute now.
Everything is fine.
" Denise ! Denise ! Oh, sam.
Sam ! Daddy's on his way.
Daddy's on his way ! No wonder there's money in medicine.
You're the cutest baby in the whole world.
Yes, you are.
Shumway, if you hadn't been here I don't know how to thank you.
You just did.
You said, "thank you.
" Merry christmas.
Of course, you could name the baby after me.
Isn't gordon an unusual name for a girl ? A girl ! Didn't you notice ? Oh, yeah yeah, of course ! Of course.
I just forgot.
I've got a lot on my mind.
Big golf tournament coming up ! We need a pretty name for a pretty little baby.
How about tiffany ? Tiffany ? That's a nice name ! Tiffany.
What ? Oh, yeah.
What is it ? I want to talk to you about this.
You weren't supposed to open that until tomorrow.
This must be your whole life savings.
It was a tax refund.
Nobody has tax refunds like this.
$100, $1,000 i want to discuss this further.
Come by to see me day after tomorrow.
I've got other plans.
Sometimes when people lose a loved one -- I know what margaret meant to you.
Good night, ted.
Merry christmas.
"Slip this washer" -- "Slip disc" -- What is this-- A spinal repair kit ? "Slip disc washer 'c' over handlebar sprocket.
See insert.
" Dad ? Yeah ? Is alf coming home ? He's coming home.
I'm sure he's coming home.
I hope it doesn't snow.
[Christmas music on truck's radio] [Radio] * sleep in heavenly * * peace ** [Radio announcer] ah, what a beautiful song for christmas eve -- The beautiful "silent night.
" Let's have a look at the weather forecast.
There's a lot of folks out there interested.
There's good news, if you're dreaming of a white christmas.
The national weather service forecasts 4-6" of snow above 3000 feet, And 12-14" in the mountains.
We'll play "white christmas" for you, in just a moment, But first, here's perry como singing "toyland.
" ** [Click] [Truck stops] Yo ! What's going on ? Who's that ? Nice night, isn't it ? Get out of here, and leave me alone ! Don't do it, george ! How'd you know my name ? Who are you ? Do i know you ? I don't know.
Do you ? Wait a minute You're that funny-Looking toy That's been popping up all day.
What are you ? I'm an alien from another planet.
How'd you get here ? In my spaceship.
No, that's not true.
You're a figment of my imagination.
It is true.
You only exist in my imagination.
Since i don't believe in aliens, you don't exist.
I'm debating with william f.
Oh, my gosh ! You're saint nicholas ! Saint nicholas ? Santa claus.
You've got a broad face, A round little belly, That shakes when he laughs like a bowl full of jelly.
Let's not get personal ! I'm going to do something about this after the holidays.
His cheeks were like roses, And his nose like a cherry ? Let's move on.
Why are you bothering me ? Aren't you supposed to be bringing toys to children ? You think that's a one-Man job ? In the old days, maybe.
But now, i'm an executive santa.
I have to delegate responsibility to people like you.
Why me ? Who better than you ? You made it possible for brian tanner to experience a christmas Like the one his father has remembered his whole life.
You brought toys to the hospital, And you brought a smile to the face of a dying child.
Whether you know it or not, You've been making other people happy all your life.
How do you know all these things ? Hey, st.
Nick knows everything.
I know when you're sleeping.
I know when you're awake.
I know if you've been bad or good.
You know, the whole ball of wax.
Then you know why i can't go on anymore.
Margaret is gone.
I'm sorry.
You feel like you lost your whole world.
Believe me, i can relate.
But you have unfinished business.
There are people you're leaving behind Who still need you.
If you knew anything about christmas, You knew this.
Christmas is not about what you can get, But what you can give of yourself.
A little girl taught me that, Not so long ago.
I don't know where she got it.
You're a good man, foley.
I can't afford to lose you.
Let's get this truck on the road.
Come on ! We've got things to do.
Where to ? Take me home.
North pole ? I don't think i have enough gas.
Take me to see willie tanner.
I've been thinking about recruiting him.
He has a lot of potential.
Oh, great.
I've always wanted to see how you go down a chimney.
Yeah, me too.
Merry christmas, nick.
And to all a good night.
Good night.
Thanks, mom.
Hot cocoa ? This is the worst christmas ever ! I hear something on the roof.
Santa claus ? Probably not.
I didn't hear any sleigh bells.
Well, here goes nothing.
It is santa ! It couldn't be ! Maybe it's a raccoon.
Willie, willie ! Owwww ! Alf ! Merry christmas.
You do look so familiar.
And your voice is so familiar.
I guess you must remind me of someone.
Would you care for some tea and cookies ? Thank you, perhaps later.
Right now i have so much work here, I don't know what to do.
Unless i delegate responsibility.
How'd you like to be my assistant ? What can i do ? How about getting me that wrench ? No problem.
It's close enough.
Tiffany ? Hi.
We're the tanners.
We have a mutual friend.
Alf ! Shhh ! Hi, i'm brian.
These are for you.
Hello, willie ! Mr.
Foley ! Say -- Could i talk to you a minute ? Sure.
It's not that we don't appreciate this, Because we really do.
We can't thank you enough.
It's just that I don't think we'd be able to use it often.
Other people should be able to enjoy In other words, you've got a tax problem.
Then i'll just hang on to this, And invite you all back next year.
You might want to look out the window.
"Yes, virginia, there is a santa claus.
"He exists as certainly as love, generosity, and devotion exist.
"How dreary would be the world if there were no santa claus.
"It would be as dreary as if there were no virginias.
"There would be no child-Like faith, then, "No poetry, no romance, "To make tolerable this existence.
"Eternal light, with which childhood fills the world, Would be extinguished.
" Captions performed by