ALF s03e20 Episode Script

Torn Between Two Lovers

Hey, look.
You could tell fortunes with these.
Be hold, a fantastic future.
Ha! Dare i ask what's behind this fascination With cleaning products? Cleaning.
I thought i'd help out now that kate's in detox.
Heh.
Alf, she's not in detox.
She went to a real estate seminar.
That's your story.
[Doorbell rings] Oh, great.
I was just gonna wax and buff in there.
Alf, i hate to stifle your generosity, But i don't think we can afford any more of your help.
Hey, if you're referring to the striped shirt incident, I got the stains out of it, didn't it? You also got the stripes out.
Willie, willie.
You're so negative.
Take my advice.
Gain joy.
You take mine.
Vanish.
lions gate home entertainment Danny, hi.
Hi.
Did you come by for anything special or was that it? Well, my dad just told me that i have to go To our family reunion in san diego.
Lucky you.
Our family reunion was in oxnard.
No, unlucky me.
I'm not gonna make it back in time To take you to the spring dance tomorrow.
Oh, no.
I fe-- I feel really terrible.
Yeah.
Well You didn't just go out and buy a dress That you're gonna have to hide the bill From your father for It.
And you're the english tutor.
[Chuckles] I'm really sorry about this.
Well, there'll be other dances, i guess.
Yeah.
Do you want a soda or something? I can't.
I've got to go help my mom make cole slaw.
I just wanted to comfort you in person.
There.
Are you comforted now? Not quite.
There.
Better? It'll do for now.
Uh I'll call you when i get back.
Great.
Bye.
Bye.
[Sighs] Let's call kate again.
Why? I forgot to tell her something.
What? That i washed her new sweater.
Uh, on second thought, That could be a surprise.
Who was that at the door, sweetheart? Danny.
Uh-Oh.
Boy troubles? Dad, really.
You make it sound like i'm 12 years old.
I'm sorry.
[Clears throat] what's the problem? Just a little Difficulty with A guy.
And you say you understand your daughter.
Danny can't go to the dance tomorrow night.
Oh, what a shame.
I was really looking forward to it.
Well, isn't there somebody else you can go with? I think i might be free.
I'll check my week at a glance.
It wouldn't be right to get another date.
Danny and i are going steady.
Kind of.
Well, did you exchange socks? No.
Trade bellybutton lint? What exactly are you talking about? The 3 stages of courtship on melmac-- Exchange left socks, trade bellybutton lint, And spit in each other's soup.
You got to admit, it's a bond.
When did you and danny decide That you were going steady? There wasn't one specific moment.
But he's not seeing any other girls? He didn't say that exactly.
But he doesn't want you to date other guys? I don't know.
He probably doesn't.
So you have no promises, no lint, no spit.
What do you have? If you need me, i'll be in my room.
This problem would be solved if she would just hocktooey Into danny's chowder.
That's disgusting.
Know what's wrong with you, willie? No sense of romance.
Expansive.
Expansive.
Expansive.
Widely extended or comprehensive? Right.
Expedient.
Expedient.
Expedient.
Expedient.
Suitable for a purpose? Was that right? Oh, i'm sorry.
It was.
I guess my mind was just someplace else.
[Sighs] Exasperate.
Exasperate.
Exasperate.
To frustrate or annoy? Tell me about it.
To annoy or frustrate? [Chuckles] i'm sorry, randy.
You were right the first time.
I was just thinking out loud.
I wish i could do that.
What do you mean? Thinking and stuff.
Because i'm stupid.
You are not stupid.
You're learning these vocabulary words in no time.
Hey, randy.
How's it going? Ok.
Well, good.
How are thing with the track team? Ok.
How's the vocabulary going? Ok.
Keep up the good work.
Ok.
Oh, uh, julie called a little earlier.
It was something about the dance.
Oh, did you tell her i'm not going? Yeah, but she wants you to call her anyway.
Ok.
Thanks.
Nice talking to you, randy.
I gotta go.
Ok.
I'll see you next saturday.
Ok.
So i guess i won't see you tonight at the dance, huh? Oh.
Are you going? No.
Oh, me neither.
But you knew that.
Yeah.
Did you want to take those-- So i guess we're not going together.
I mean, like, you know, we're not going together.
I mean, we're not going, not together.
Yes.
We aren't.
Unlessyou wanted to go together.
Just since we're not going, not together.
Oh.
Oh, you mean Us with each other? Yeah, exactly.
Oh, i don't know if-- Oh, that's ok.
Oh.
No, it's not that.
It's just that, see, danny and i were-- Sure.
Why not? It might be fun.
Ok.
Ok.
Thank you.
Oh, they're not from me.
Lynn, look at this.
Mom's silver stuff.
So? It's miraculous.
Look.
Alf, it's silver polish.
But it zips through your cleaning chores Quicker than you ever dreamed possible.
You need a life.
I'm going to wash my hair.
Randy's taking me to the dance.
Better be a slow dance.
Ha! [Telephone rings] Hello? Uh, uh, no, she can't come To the phone right now.
Oh, hi, danny.
Uh, me? Oh, i'm lynn's cousin alffred.
Alfred.
Yeah.
Uh, how's san diego? Oh, really? No, no, don't bother rushing back.
Lynn's got another date for the dance.
Hello? Hello? [Video game beeps] Has anybody seen my black velvet purse? Laundry room.
I washed it for you.
How bad is it? Looks like a drowned beaver.
I think you might like it.
Check it out.
That's ok.
Can we order the pizza now? Icks-Nay on the izza-Pay In front of your ister-Say.
No pizza, alf.
You just ate.
But we wanted to give kate a homecoming gift.
And what could be more appropriate Than a greasy cardboard box? Alf, you'd better get in the kitchen.
Randy will be here any minute.
I just hope danny doesn't misunderstand My going to the dance with someone else.
He didn't sound too mad on the phone.
What? Did i neglect to mention that danny called While you were in the shower? Yes! Sorry.
He called while you were in the shower.
So, bri, let's say we make some popcorn.
Yeah.
Alf What have you done? Nothing.
It's danny.
You shouldn't date somebody so unreliable.
What did he say? Just that he could make it back in time For the dance after all.
Alf! Don't worry.
I told him not to bother 'Cause you had another date.
You're welcome.
It's not a real date, it's just randy.
Because we're friends and we were not going not together.
Don't panic.
I not know what not to do.
What? Call randy, you tell him you have amnesia.
Better yet, tell him he has amnesia.
He'll buy that.
All right, you tell him the truth-- Your boyfriend's back and he's gonna be in trouble.
Hey na, hey na, Your boyfriend's back.
I was going to explain to danny That i'm just going with randy as a friend.
Now, thanks to you, He's gonna think that i'm seeing somebody else.
[Doorbell rings] There's randy.
But don't think this means you're off the hook.
Well, this is the last time I play kelly girl for you.
Good.
Danny.
You, uh, mind if i come in? So Who is he? Danny, i can explain.
No, i'm not even gone one day, And you're already bringing in somebody from the bench.
It wasn't like that.
You said you couldn't be here, I didn't want to miss the dance, Somebody else asked me, and i said yes.
Who? Who asked you? Randy boylan.
No, really, lynn, you can tell me.
Who is he? Randy.
He happens to be very sweet.
Besides, you said you couldn't go to the dance.
What did you expect me to do, Just sit home and stare at your picture? I spent the whole day talking my dad into letting me come back.
I call to tell you, And your cousin alfred informs me That you're going with somebody else.
Unfortunately, alfred isn't The most reliable source of information around here.
I am going with someone else, But he's just a friend.
All right.
All right.
It's no big deal.
Randy will show up, you'll give him the brush, And then we're out of here.
Danny, just because-- [Doorbell rings] Hi.
Hi, randy.
Hey, i didn't know if you liked candy or what.
Very smooth, man.
Danny, please.
Hey, danny.
I would like to explain this.
What's to explain? Just tell him.
Tell him what? How about some soda first? What kind you got? Oh, yeah.
Will you stop playing hostess? We're gonna be late.
Late for what? The dance.
I'm confused.
Now there's a newsflash.
What's going on out there? Danny just broke lynn's date with randy.
Is randy mad? He doesn't know yet.
The information has entered his head And is now searching desperately for his brain.
Wait a minute.
I think he's getting it.
Danny.
Danny and i had a date for the dance tonight, Which he broke.
Well, if he broke your date, Then you can go with me.
But i'm unbreaking the date.
I'm taking her.
I'm taking her.
In that jacket? What's wrong with this jacket? Nothing, if you happen to sell buicks.
Yeah.
What about your jacket? What about it? It's ok.
Are they fighting yet? No.
They're discussing fashion trends.
Why are those guys fighting over lynn, anyway? A little hard to explain.
I mean, it's not like she's heather locklear.
Maybe i don't have to explain.
Really, guys, i don't think i'm worth-- Lynn, please.
This is between randy and me.
Now look, I don't want to fight about this.
Why not? Afraid i'll mess up your jacket? Hey, this jacket comes off.
Yeah? We'll see if you head does, too.
up the floor with danny.
I don't take sucker bets.
Uh-Oh, incoming sister.
What am i going to do? They're hanging up their jackets.
Oh, no.
Stop them before they iron willie's shirts.
Alf, help me.
They're going to fight.
I've got to stop them.
Oh, sure, lynn.
I'll just zap them With my time-Freezing phaser.
We saw that on star trek.
I wish mom and dad were here.
Well, you know what willie would say.
What? You got yourself in to this, Get yourself out.
Alf, he'd say that to you.
This isn't my fault.
Wait a minute, Maybe it is.
That's it.
Thanks, alf.
No problem.
Diplomacy is my middle name.
Ok.
If you insist on playing this game, Then you're going to play by my rules.
What rules? You each only get one punch.
One's all i need.
Ok, randy, you go first.
Hit me.
Hit you? You're a girl.
Right.
I'm the girl that caused this mess.
So why aren't either of you mad at me? I'll tell you why.
Oh, good.
Because this isn't about me.
It's about some kind of macho thing.
This guy is moving in on my territory.
Your territory? What do i look like, the louisiana purchase? Yeah.
Beat it.
And who asked you to play rambo for me? I'm sorry.
Randy, I said i'd go to the dance with you Because i think you're sweet, Not because you can beat people up.
You mean, you still want to go with me? Yes.
I do.
Kay.
Oh, hey, hold on a minute-- Danny, may i please see you on the porch? No.
Anything you have to say-- Porch.
Look, None of this was randy's fault.
Oh, i suppose it was my fault.
Danny, you raced back here Assuming i'd be sitting around waiting for you.
Well, i wasn't.
We had been dating.
Exactly.
We've been dating.
No more, no less.
We--You're not saying you want to stop seeing me? Not at all.
Are you saying you want to stop seeing me? No.
Well, Then If you want to get more serious, I think we should talk about it.
Ok.
Let's talk about it.
Ok.
Lynn, How do you feel about Being serious? I feel ok.
Ok.
Ok.
So does this mean you won't go to the dance with randy? No.
He's my friend, He asked me, and i accepted.
Yeah.
Well, i guess, that's ok.
Thank you for your permission.
No.
Wait.
I didn't mean-- I'm sorry.
Let me start again.
How would you feel If we Be serious, Starting tomorrow? Ok.
Ok.
Well, have a good time tonight.
I will-- But not too good.
And be home by 11:00.
All right.
11:30.
There.
Are you comforted now? Not quite.
Better? No.
Good night.
Night.
Oh, and tell randy I'm sorry i insulted his jacket.
And his mother.
Will do.
Shall we go? 'Kay.
Night, bri.
Nightdad.
Thanks for your help.
Alf: night, daughter.
Be home by 11:00.
Kate: thanks, honey.
Well, careful, kate, the floor is still wet.
No, it's not.
It's just that i've cleaned it Right down to the shine.
I have never seen this kitchen Look so spotless.
Well, even the light fixtures look cleaner.
And they are.
And it smells like Like a pine forest, just after a rain.
Exactly.
I can see myself in that dish.
The whole kitchen looks terrific, alf.
Yeah.
It's amazing how versatile That tidee bowl stuff is.
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