Alfred Hitchcock Presents s02e35 Episode Script

Good evening, television watchers.
Tonight's masque is entitled, "The West Warlock Time Capsule.
" The tale of a timid taxidermist.
This gives me the excuse to exhibit this prize of mine, and to discuss taxidermy.
I feel I know quite a bit about stuffed animals.
After all, it takes one to know one.
This, I shot myself.
You see, deer poaching is one of my hobbies.
It took only two shots.
The first one hit a bearded, old man wearing a ridiculous red suit and riding in a sleigh.
I'm having him stuffed, too.
It probably sounds silly to you, but I'm sentimental that way.
But enough of this.
Here, in a moment, is, "The West Warlock Time Capsule.
" Well, I know Harry's gonna like it, George.
And when some of his friends gets a look at this, I bet you get their business, too.
If they ever hunt up this way.
Good.
That's what we're here for.
Now, just put it on the bill, George.
Sure thing.
Well, see you later.
So long.
Now then.
Why don't you use Napoleon's own skeleton, Mr.
Tiffany? Sure is a lot more horse-shaped than this thing.
Napoleon's skeleton is in a million pieces.
I got no time to be putting him back together again.
Besides, this is much better.
We use his own skull, though.
And his hooves.
Are you sure you can get his skin back on in just the way he had it before? You wait till I'm through with him, Charlie.
He's gonna have a spark in his eye, and a flare to his nostrils.
He's gonna look just like he did when you used to ride him through the park.
Oh, here's all about it in the paper.
Yeah, it's a very nice write-up, too.
"Mayor accepts Napoleon memorial.
"In a speech at the West Warlock City Dad's Lunch "at the Buckhorn Hotel today, "Mayor Herbert Ayers "formally accepted a "unique memorial "donated to the city by George Tiffany "and commemorating "one of this community's most beloved citizens.
" Now, will you get me that rag over there, Charlie? Thank you.
"Napoleon, who died last month after a quarter of a century of faithful service.
"For 22 years, this patient animal, "was the chief attraction at Lakeside Park.
"Napoleon will contain within his body a "hermetically sealed capsule "to be opened in 100 years.
" A hundred years? Would he last 100 years, Mr.
Tiffany? Oh.
Longer than that, if they keep him in a glass case.
And he's gonna be beautiful, Charlie.
Napoleon is gonna be my masterpiece.
Don't you ever use an animal's own bones, Mr.
Tiffany? Oh, not anymore.
Just the skull.
And the wing bones and legs of a bird.
We used to, though.
Used to use the whole animal.
How could you do that? Well, we used a syringe.
See that syringe, there? You mean that thing with the red handle? No, no.
This thing.
And we fill that up with formaldehyde and inject that in his veins and wherever else he needs it and that preserves him, you see? Why don't you do it that way now? Just as I thought.
Time for lunch.
That's Mrs.
Tiffany.
Why don't you do it that way now, huh? And I think it's about time for you to run along home.
Doesn't it last as good? Oh, sure.
Lasts indefinitely.
But, you see, it shrinks.
Pulls out of shape, like a mummy.
In fact, I guess that's what they were.
Mummies.
You get away from that bear, now.
Come along.
Can I come back later? Well, if you got to.
Okay, I'll be here.
Bye.
So long, Charlie.
Is that you, George? Uh-huh.
I've just had a letter from Waldren.
Waldren? My little brother in Canada.
Oh, oh.
He's coming to visit us.
Isn't that wonderful? Wonderful.
Well, such enthusiasm.
Oh, well, now, I am enthusiastic, Louise, it's just that Well, it isn't as if I knew Waldren, but I think it's fine he's coming.
Oh, I was just teasing.
It'll be so wonderful to see him.
The two of us are all that's left of our family.
I haven't seen Waldren in Well, it must be 25 years.
Well, I think it's just fine.
Is he bringing his family? Now, George, Waldren's always been a bachelor, you know that.
Smart fellow.
George.
You wouldn't think of giving up your chair, would you? I mean, now that Waldren's coming.
Well, I mean, he might think it looks out of place.
Now, Louise, we've been all over that.
It is the only chair I ever had in my life that I really like.
You ask me anything else, dear, but don't ask me that.
We'll have it re-upholstered? Ruin it.
It's taken years of sitting to get it this way.
It just fits my shape.
George.
That rain certainly is coming down by the bucketful.
I better check the windows in the shop.
Mmm.
"Yarn over, two together, knit three.
" What did you say, George? Yarn over.
Two together.
Knit three.
Oh, good evening.
Well, it's me, Sis.
It's all that's left of your little brother.
Waldren, I'm so glad to see you.
It's been a long time, Sis.
We're all that's left now.
Why, you're absolutely soaked.
Sit down.
Let me get those wet shoes off of you.
Oh.
You must change your clothes.
Where's your suitcase? There isn't any, Sis.
There's nothing left but me.
And I won't be here long.
Oh, dear.
Well, what's the matter? Oh, it's George, my husband.
He's in the shop downstairs.
Now, you sit back and rest.
I'll get a cup of hot coffee for you.
Louise.
Louise, did There.
George, this is my little brother, Waldren.
Oh.
Well, don't just stand there, dear.
He's soaking wet.
I'm afraid of pneumonia.
Run and get him your bathrobe.
Yes, dear.
Hello, Waldren.
Glad to see you.
Please get the bathrobe, dear.
Yes, dear.
Yes.
And then call Dr.
Rhody.
Quick trip, wasn't it? Oh, George.
Now, let's get off that wet coat.
I can't believe Waldren's been here for a whole week.
Can you, dear? No, dear.
I feel a draft.
There's some cold air coming from somewhere.
Oh, dear.
Is there a window open, George? Oh, I'm afraid it'll make Waldren's cough worse.
It must be 84 in here, dear.
Waldren couldn't possibly feel cold.
It's the draft.
Gets me here every time.
I'm sorry to be such a nuisance.
You're not a nuisance.
You'll soon be well and then you won't have to be so careful.
We'll hope so, Sis.
You folks about ready to go to bed? It's just about 8:30, Waldren.
Oh, is that all? I guess you don't wanna go to bed this early.
My My cough medicine, where is it? Here it is.
Oh, thanks.
I don't know what I'd do without that cough medicine.
It's all gone.
Gone.
I just got this bottle yesterday.
I know.
I really should try to get along without it, I suppose.
I will try to get along without it.
Tonight.
You'll do no such thing.
We can't have you coughing all night.
You might injure yourself.
Go and get another bottle, dear.
Before the drugstore closes.
Why don't I get him a bottle of gin? More alcohol in it and a lot cheaper.
Waldren, you must see that there just isn't room in this house for a third person.
And with Louise It's no good.
Waldren, I'll give you just one hour to clear out of this house, permanently.
Hiya, Mr.
Tiffany.
Who are you talking to? Oh, hello, Charlie.
Why, I'm just talking to Napoleon here.
Hey, he looks good, Mr.
Tiffany.
Oh, you're beginning to have confidence now that I know what I'm doing, huh? Yeah.
Maybe when I get a little bit older, I can be your apprentice.
That'll be fine.
You hold this.
What is it? That's the time capsule.
The what? The thing that goes inside Napoleon with all the stuff in it to be opened up What stuff? Why, the things that show the kind of life we're leading now.
Newspapers, movie film, photographs, you know, just like the paper said.
A permanent record for posterity.
Can I put something in it? No.
Why not? Who would ever know? What do you wanna put in it? How about a picture of Rover? He's a very good-looking dog.
Okay, I'll slip it in.
You could put a lot more inside him.
How about the totem pole my scout troop made? Hey, what about that? Definitely not.
Well, when I'm gonna be your apprentice, I'm gonna put a surprise in every job.
That'll be dandy.
Oh, there goes your brother-in-law.
Is he gonna go sit in the park? I suppose so.
Is that all he ever does? Just about.
I mean, I don't know.
Well, you better run along home now.
I'm going upstairs, Charlie.
Why? It's not lunchtime.
I wanna talk to Mrs.
Tiffany.
Oh, I see.
Without him around.
Charlie, you're gonna have to stop thinking so much.
Now, don't get up, dear.
Just stay right where you are.
I thought you were Waldren.
Louise.
I wanna talk to you about Waldren, dear.
I think it's very hard on you having him around.
I mean, the way you go around waiting on him hand and foot.
Look at that dress.
That dress used to fit you.
Now it hangs on you like a sack, doesn't it? Oh, I've lost some weight, that's all.
Well, you didn't need to lose any weight.
And you look tired.
Darling.
Don't you think Waldren's well enough now to go out and get a job for himself? He's not well enough to work, you know that.
I'm all he has.
Oh, l I know it's been hard on you, George.
It's you I'm thinking about, Louise.
I don't know what we're going to do.
I can't go back on him now.
He's my little brother.
Don't cry.
Don't, honey.
Please don't cry.
Now, don't, please.
I won't talk about it anymore, honey.
Just promise, okay, that you'll try to take it a little easy.
Hmm? Yes, I will.
Waldren doesn't realize.
He wouldn't want to be any trouble.
I know, I know, I know, he wouldn't.
Of course he wouldn't.
There you are, Napoleon.
All full of messages for future generations.
Big rascal.
Louise.
Where's Louise? She's in the kitchen, I suppose.
She made an awful racket in there a few minutes ago.
It woke me up.
I was trying to get back to sleep.
Louise.
Louise! Louise! Get Dr.
Rhody on the phone.
Tell him to get right over here.
And hurry up.
Louise.
We'll keep her here a day or two for some more tests, George, but I'm sure it's nothing serious.
She's just worn out.
She needs a couple of weeks of complete rest.
She can't go on the way she has, you know.
You've got to get rid of that brother of hers.
Doctor, is there anything really wrong with Waldren? Nothing, except he missed his calling.
He should have been an actor.
Waldren.
I wanna talk to you, Waldren.
Please, George, Louise, my sister.
Do you mind? She's gonna be all right.
At least that's something.
Going without dinner.
All this excitement.
I'm afraid I'm not quite up to it.
Well, I'm glad you found something to tide you over.
What I want to discuss with you is very important Really, George.
I don't see how you can just stand there and chatter after what's happened to Louise.
It's Louise that I wanna talk to you about.
George, you can't seem to understand that I am a sick man.
After all that's happened tonight, my digestion's started acting up again.
Waldren, will you please listen to me? George, I simply cannot go on arguing with you like this.
This concerns Louise's health.
That will do.
If I had a decent meal, I might feel a lot better.
Yes.
Waldren.
About how tall are you? "Dear Sis, "Have a chance to visit friends in Mexico "where the climate is wonderful for my condition.
"Don't worry if you don't hear from me for a while, "the mail is slow down there.
"Sorry to leave without saying goodbye, "but I didn't want to disturb my little sister.
"Get well quick.
Your loving baby brother, "Waldren.
" George? Hello, Waldren.
Well, what's the matter with you? Didn't you hear me? You know what time it is? Oh, yes, I guess it must be about supper time, but there's one other little thing I have to do, Waldren, and I kinda need some help.
Would you mind giving me a hand? All right.
I'll try.
You know I'm not strong.
Well, do you think you could hold this for me? And the syringe.
You see, I've just been finishing Napoleon there.
And Seems kind of heavy, George.
I didn't realize it'd be this heavy.
Yeah.
Well, I just thought I'd beef him up a little, just to be safe.
And so, on behalf of our fair city, and our fair citizens, I want to thank George Tiffany for his generous contribution of his time and his artistic talents which have created this priceless memorial.
And now, in conclusion, I will read to you the exact words of the inscription which appears on the plaque.
"Napoleon in memoriam.
"Within this superb animal" Oh, George, it's wonderful.
I'm so happy for you.
I'm the one that's happy.
You know, you just look great.
That rest certainly fixed you up.
I guess it really did.
I'm just sorry Waldren isn't here to see it.
He'd be so proud.
I guess he's better off, though, where he is.
If the climate's warmer.
Oh, I'm sure it's warmer, dear.
"In the year of our Lord, 2057.
"In order that future residents will have a fuller understanding "of the life and times of their forefathers "as typified by the contents of this memorial.
" I thank you.
Well, George, it certainly ought to put West Warlock in the national limelight when they look inside Napoleon in the year 2057.
What do you think? Well, yes, l I expect it will do that, all right.
Honesty demands that I reveal that all did not go as Mr.
Tiffany had planned.
The weight of Waldren's pudgy body proved too much for Napoleon and within a few months the time capsule was opened by a caesarian section.
Waldren, of course, was quite dead.
And Napoleon hasn't been the same since.
As for Mr.
Tiffany, the jury proved quite lenient.
Next time we plan a return trip to your living rooms.
I hope you will join us then.
Good night.