Alfred Hitchcock Presents s03e22 Episode Script

The Return of the Hero

Good evening, ladies, gentleman, and those of you who have arrived too late to classify.
I wish to welcome you to Alfred Hitchcock Presents.
Please relax.
There is no admission charge, no cover and no minimum.
This is a non-profit organization.
Profit being defined as that which is left after I take my share.
Tonight's electronic floor show transports us to France, the nation noted for fine wines and, uh, provocative postcards.
The scene is Léon's Café in Marseilles.
Fernand, go home.
You're drunk! Drunk? On your wine? Léon, listen to me.
The old days we knew, you and I, they're gone.
Léon, I'm serious.
And I'm not drunk.
Not yet tonight anyway.
Just because you are Thérese's father, you have no right to force her into this marriage.
You keep your red nose out of my business! Now, go home! As you can see, Alphonse and I have not yet finished our wine, which is paid for.
I told you two bouillabaisse for Table 1.
I served that already, Papa.
Well, who gets this one? Uncle Fernand.
He is not your uncle! Well, get the money first.
Well, what did you expect? Nothing.
I expected nothing.
I knew you would not come.
It was raining.
You see, we were called upon to get our discharge papers.
Do you think the Army wishes to make it easy? "Sergeant Daumier, Corporal Marchand," they say, "sign here!" Is that all? Oh, no, my little pullet.
It takes a day and a night to get one like this.
Then you'll be going home? What is life, but going home? Another Pernod? Yes, yes.
Another Pernod.
What will you have, nightingale? I always drink the same thing I never, never change I always drink the same thing Or else I will get sick Here.
I thought he was the rich one.
He is, but I owe him something.
You see, I saved his life.
I'm sorry, André, but somebody had to tell her you were going home.
Why? Why? Well, for one thing she's not like those witches in the Algerian desert.
For another, she's lost her head over you.
Poor little pullet.
I did not ask her to.
Did I? No.
I promised her nothing.
A pullet like Thérese, it isn't necessary to promise.
When a sheltered one like this loses her head, well Well, well, that's her lookout, not mine.
And, anyway, what business is it of yours? You are my friend.
Friends can say these things to each other.
No? You know I haven't any money.
Uncle Fernand, I have explained.
With the compliments of the house.
Tell me, how could you possibly have smuggled it past your father? That is my business.
Eat it now, while it's still hot.
Something is wrong, child? The sergeant? His friend says he is going home.
So we were together out on the desert for five hours.
And without water! The sun blazing down on us, we crawled over the hot sand.
Then we were picked up by an ambulance.
Well, we were in the same ward in the military hospital.
Today we'll receive the Croix de Guerre.
And today, still together, we'll receive the highest award the Republic can give.
We both became civilians.
You've heard of the Unknown Soldier? This one is the Known Soldier.
He talks too much.
What a beautiful man! And such a miserable temper.
I'd take him, temper and all.
And he wouldn't have to go to work.
I'd look after him.
Dream on, chéri.
He is rich and he is fiancé to a Belgian baroness.
And I'm a Ukrainian princess.
See for yourself.
Her name is Sybil de la Motte.
If she is his fiancée, why is her picture in your wallet? There are times a man needs a picture to look at.
André had a picture to spare and I had room in my wallet.
But I shall meet her soon.
For I shall be occupying one of the guest suites of André's chateau.
Didn't I tell you I was going home as soon as I got my papers? Yes.
Then why the long face? No reason.
I always meant to leave.
And you knew it.
Marseilles was never to be anything more than a stopover.
Do you think that a few kisses in the dark mean anything to a soldier? I told you every soldier needs a girl.
It goes with the uniform.
Yes, you told me that.
You think that we're living in the world? Well, we are not! We're just camping in it between wars! Do you suppose that, simply by taking off this uniform, I can forget it? I know it was a dark time Yes.
A terrible, heavy time.
But it's over and you must forget it.
Forget? How can I forget? I could help you, André.
André I would so like to help you forget.
No, no, I I don't want your help.
I don't believe that.
You say many things to me, André.
Bad, angry things.
But these two weeks you have been here, there were times you were kind to me.
Tender, even.
This is what I remember.
This is what I think when I look at you.
I do so want to be with you, to look after you.
I don't need anyone to look after me! Maybe you forget.
I am going back to my home, my friends, my family, to all the things a man can ever want.
Not this here.
I know I would be out of place at St.
Gervaise, but Give me a Pernod.
André, haven't you had enough? I'm a soldier only just out of the hospital.
Let us pretend that you are a Red Cross girl.
Very well.
I do not want a paper, I do not want a cigarette, I want a Pernod.
It is your duty to give it to me, just as it is your duty to give me anything else I might want.
Your favorite Burgundy, François.
No, no.
Have I not told you? In my cafe my relatives do not pay.
But I'm not so sure we are going to be relatives.
Well, why is that? Has Thérese grown old since last night or ugly or fat or stupid? No, not stupid.
Gaga! Gaga? You know what she was doing this morning? She was in the park, sitting on a bench.
What is gaga about that? You forget it was pouring rain! Thérese! Thérese! Were you sitting in the park this morning in the pouring rain? Yes, Papa.
What on earth were you doing there, except getting soaked? I had my umbrella, Papa.
You are talking like an idiot! If you're going to hold a family squabble, do it in the kitchen.
Not here! This is a private matter, Sergeant.
You keep out of it.
You mind your tongue, butcher, or I'll cut it out and hang it in your shop window.
Come on.
Come closer, come on.
Cut me a chop, André, about so thick.
It has come to me.
I know now why she was sitting in the rain.
She was praying.
But of course.
Sixteen years of life in a convent leaves its mark on a young girl.
They're timid.
They walk around on tiptoes and they're full of tears and prayers.
But after marriage and a few babies, they make the best wives of all, eh, François? Play J'attendrai again, will you? Here is the family chateau.
There's a rumor Madame du Barry slept here more than once.
And this is the family yacht for Mediterranean cruises.
This is Cyrano, one of André's horses.
Last year he won the Grand Prix at Longchamp.
Paid five to one.
I had 2,000 francs on the nose and that is how I happen to know that Cyrano belongs to the Countess d'Auberge.
André's mother.
That would make him the Count d'Auberge.
No, his name is Daumier.
You see, the Count is his mother's second husband.
Picture postcards sold at any newsstand.
Three for 50 francs.
Shhh! Not so loud.
André gets very angry when I talk about his family.
He gets very touchy.
I can imagine.
That's why you carry all the pictures.
You do the publicity, he cashes in.
Why aren't you at the chateau now, you and your fine friend with the knife? I'll tell you why.
Because you are both just a couple of You don't believe me.
Why not put some money where your mouth is? How much? Let's say 10,000 francs, the money you won on our horse.
Agreed! You heard him.
Ten thousand! Now, go ahead.
Prove it.
Call the Countess d'Auberge at St.
No number necessary.
Tell her it's her son, André Daumier, calling.
Reverse the charges.
If she accepts the call, proves I am right.
Not unless he talks to her.
Not unless I hear.
The Countess d'Auberge in St.
This is her son André Daumier.
Reverse the charges.
It is the Countess herself.
Good evening.
André will be right here.
One moment, please.
It's your mother.
My what? Your mother doesn't know you're back in France yet.
Tell her.
Any man but you, Marcel, I would kill him for this.
But I had to prove to the pig of a butcher that I was telling the truth.
For 10,000 francs, André, do you blame me? Please.
Hello, André? Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? André! André, my darling.
It's wonderful to hear your voice.
Let me talk to him, Mama! Lili, please Go and get your father and Sybil.
When did you get back from Algiers? About two weeks ago.
But, André, two weeks ago? Why haven't you telephoned sooner? Well, when will you be home? Tomorrow evening.
How splendid! I wish you would have let me know ahead of time.
We're having a party.
More than 200 people.
André, if I would have known you were coming, I would have postponed it and invited 200 more! Mother, you will never change.
How is Lili? Lili's well, as always.
And Sybil? Sybil is well, too.
My stepfather? He's fine.
They want to talk to you.
I want to talk to them, too.
I'll fly your tailor up from Rome this weekend.
I'm sure you need an entire wardrobe.
André, have you lost any weight? A few pounds, maybe.
I'm all right.
Mother Thank you.
François, I want a word with you.
and your horses, they have been ridden every day.
Good, that's good.
But listen, I've invited a friend of mine to come with me and to stay for a while.
But of course, my darling, bring anyone you want.
We have still two guest suites vacant.
Oh, André, they couldn't have discharged you at a better time.
The season is just beginning.
Everybody is back from Deauville, the Riviera There are parties every day.
Of course, I shall want to redecorate your rooms.
Anyway, darling, that's all for now.
I have to go back to my guests.
Hurry home! Here's Sybil.
I'm next.
Mother, wait a minute! Hello, André.
Oh, Sybil? How are you? Fine, thank you.
Was really naughty of you not to have called sooner.
I know.
I'm sorry.
André, I was quite worried when I heard you were in the hospital.
Was it very bad? No, it's nothing.
I am glad.
Are you quite recovered? Quite, quite.
André? You really could have written, you know.
Three months without a letter from you.
If you missed me so much, why didn't you write? Oh, let's not argue about it, will you? Now, I would like to speak to my mother again, please.
All right.
Just a minute.
This is Lili! Lili? Oh, how are you? I'm glad to hear you.
I'm fine, but how are you? Fine, fine.
How is your spider collection? I have a lovely new specimen, but I can't wait to see you.
It will be good to see you, too.
Lili, as the only sane member of our family, will you listen to me? Of course.
About the friend that I'm bringing with me Well, go ahead.
I'm listening.
Oh! You'd better wait a minute and I'll find out.
André is bringing home a friend with him.
I told him it was all right.
Why does he make such a point of it? But you don't understand.
André's friend has lost a leg! Oh.
Well, haven't they given him one of those artificial ones? No, he says it's too soon after the operation.
He'll have to walk in crutches or be pushed in a wheelchair.
Well, that's terrible! To bring a cripple in here! He won't fit in.
You mean his presence would put a damper on our activities? Just a moment, André.
We're having a family conference.
How extraordinary of André to suggest such a thing.
I'm afraid the unfortunate boy will feel terribly out of it in the midst of all our parties.
Excuse me, my dear.
André, my darling, of course we'd love to have your friend, but don't you think he will feel a little awkward? He won't be able to ride or swim or dance.
He'll be so out of it.
You don't understand.
It happens this fellow saved my life.
I'm sure he's a wonderful boy and if he saved your life we must certainly be grateful to him and do everything to make his life as comfortable and as happy as possible.
I'm glad to hear you say that.
Then I bring him home with me.
Thank you very much.
No, no, no, André.
I didn't mean that at all.
You did not understand me.
Naturally, we must help him in every way we can.
Send him to Switzerland, to the Riviera, anywhere.
We'll be glad to pay for it.
But don't bring him home! Not now.
It would be so depressing having such an unfortunate boy around.
André, I don't agree with them! Let me, please.
Glad to hear your voice, my boy.
But your mother is right.
We've talked about it long enough.
We really must go back to our guests.
Hurry home, will you? André, what shall I play for you now? A happy song, Jeannette.
From the sound of things, maybe I'd better not go home with you.
It's my fault.
We shouldn't have surprised them like that with the telephone call.
André, you go home first.
In a week or two Well, we shall see.
Maybe I can join you then.
No, Marcel.
I cannot take you with me.
Not home, because I am not going home.
André, we will go back now to the pension for tonight.
No, no.
Tomorrow will be better.
You'll see.
Well Goodbye, Marcel.
And you, Thérese, you marry the butcher.
After all, he's next door and convenient.
So marry him and live a long and happy life.
Where do you think you're going? Let me go, Papa! Please let me go! I have to go with him.
I love him! Ah, you love him Is that what you want, child? Oh, yes, Uncle Fernand.
Léon, let her go.
Shut up, you drunk! Let her go or I will kill you! All right, Thérese.
Do what you think is right.
André! André! Tonight I shall not indulge in my usual gallows humor, for this program has no desire to make light of men who have suffered because of war.
This concludes tonight's show.
Next time we shall return to the scene of our crime.
I hope you will join us.
Good night.

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