All About The Washingtons (2018) s01e05 Episode Script

Please Hamper, Don't Hurt ‘Em

1 I can't believe this.
What do I have to do? Daevon! Daevon! Daevon! Ha! What are we yelling about? He gets so distracted.
He can't even pick up his dirty clothes and put them in the hamper.
That's the whole problem.
You keep doing it for him, Jus.
Of course, I do.
If I don't, he won't have any clean clothes, then he'll end up a dirty clothes-wearing hobo with a rat on his shoulder.
The kid won't sleep with a hamster in his room, he's not getting a shoulder rat.
Oh, he's getting a shoulder rat.
He's never gonna learn if he doesn't experience the consequence of his actions.
What are you doing? If Daevon wants clean clothes, he's gotta learn to put this stuff in the hamper himself.
In a perfect world that would happen, but this is the real world, and I don't have time for life lessons.
I'm trying to survive, man.
Jus, I have time, babe.
Now that I'm retired, this is the type of stuff I can off your plate.
I can't just leave them there, Joey.
Jus, you have a business to run.
You gotta let me handle the kids, and Daevon's the youngest and the weakest.
I got this.
Come on.
Joey, let me just get this one.
Ooh! All about the Washingtons It's like this, y'all Mom, these pancakes are delicious.
I made them for your special day.
I thought you made them for my big test? It's an all-purpose mix, Wes.
- Ready for your school interview, Sky? - Born ready, son.
Remember, if none of those places work out, there's always home school where every day starts and ends with a hug.
Mom, the train is leaving the station, you gotta get on it.
She's right Jus, stay strong, you can do this.
I don't think I have enough strength in me.
Daevon! Come and eat breakfast! Hey, guys, is it okay if Malik stays with us for a few days? His apartment's being fumigated for bedbugs.
Bedbugs? I don't want this dude bringing bedbugs in my house.
He showered and disinfected all his clothes.
I promise he's bug free.
Back in the day, we had bedbugs on the tour bus.
- Eww! What did you do? - What did you think? We burnt the tour bus up and canceled the tour.
Veronica, Malik is welcome to stay with us.
- [knock on door] - Good 'cause he's here.
I promise if I see one bedbug, I'm burning this house to the ground.
- Hi.
- Hey, babe.
- [chuckles] - Come on in.
Malik, welcome.
I made pancakes specially for you.
- You serious? - Shh! Thanks and thanks for letting me stay here.
We're happy to have you.
Right, Joey? Yeah, we're happy to have you.
- [speaking gibberish] Listen, to show my - [clears throat] Listen, to show my appreciation, I wanna cook dinner for the whole family tomorrow.
My famous eggplant parmesan.
Did this dude just say bug plant parmesan? You know what? Eggplant parmesan sounds delicious.
You don't have to go to that trouble.
Oh, no.
I want to.
- Okay, then it's done.
- Okay.
- Thank you.
- All right.
- Are those what I think they are? - I knew it.
Bedbugs.
[exhales] Are those Crossover 12s? - Yeah, they sure are.
- I wanted those so bad.
Did you try when they dropped? Yeah, and I came so close.
I almost cried when the guy in front of me got the last pair of size 11's.
Dude, we wear the same size.
Man, you're killing me right now.
You know what? Take them.
Yeah.
- What? - Uh-huh.
- You're the king, thank you! - You're welcome.
Let me at least trade you for mine.
- That'll work.
- All right, come on.
Oh, my gosh, Malik.
We can all learn a thing or two from you.
Yes, Malik has truly infested us all with his generosity.
Shoot, I just remembered, the guest bedroom is being painted.
We're gonna have to set him up in the office.
Nah.
My man can stay in my room.
Come on, bro.
- Okay.
- [Malik] All right.
Looking good, Dae.
Dae-Dae, I made pancakes especially for you.
No room for pancakes, maybe a wee sip of juice.
You look like you got on clothes from "wee" back in the drawer.
They're the only things that are clean, and I couldn't find any underpants.
That's what you get for not putting your stuff in the hamper.
Now, you gotta go to school with no drawers on.
You know what, Joey? This has gone far enough.
Let me just do a quick load of laundry.
No, Jus, we're trying it my way.
Fine, I raised the first three, but I guess you can experiment on this last one.
So, that concludes our tour.
I just got off tour, too.
- My last tour.
- Joey.
It's just crazy she's never heard of MC Joe Speed.
- [Justine] Ugh.
- Okay, then.
Skyler can stay here for her interview, and you guys can wait in our lounge.
Wait, what? We interview the children separately.
Wait, you separate us? It's okay, Mommy, I'm gonna be right next door.
- I'm not ready for this.
- Dad, give her your iPhone to play with.
My baby.
You'll be all right.
- You must see this all the time.
- Yeah, in the preschool.
- Come on, Jus, let's go.
- Okay.
[sighs] Okay.
I'm gonna be right out here.
Right - [Joey] Jus.
- Okay.
Okay.
Here.
[kiss] Mm.
Sorry about her, we're working on the separation issues.
Man, you are like Wes' hero after giving him those sneakers.
Yes.
I'm gonna need those back.
- What? - I love those shoes.
Then why did you give them away? I didn't think he'd take them! I was caught up in the moment.
Your family was treating me so nice, and your mom made me those pancakes.
Okay.
I guess you're just gonna have to buy another pair.
Oh, yeah, I'll stop by Foot Locker, and I'll get some, and maybe I'll swing by Zales and grab a couple of Hope diamonds.
- What? - You don't understand.
These shoes are very rare.
I waited in line all night to get 'em.
There's no way I can afford another pair.
And yet, you just gave them to Wes.
[stammers] I sure did.
Veronica, I can't ask for them back or else I would seem like a total jerk.
Yeah, you really would.
So, I need you to do it.
But in a way that doesn't sound like it's coming from me.
How am I gonna do that? Don't ask me, I'm the idiot who gave my shoes away.
Your Mandarin program sounds great.
Just a couple more questions.
How many 3D printers on campus? Two.
Skyler, this has been a very And your vegetable garden, is it organic? Everything but the strawberries.
Hmm.
I must say, Skyler, we've never had an interview quite like this one.
Aw, thank you.
Well, I do see room for improvement in your STEM program, and of course, there's the strawberry issue.
But other than that, everything looks good.
Congratulations, Blane Prep is perfect for me.
- Um - I'll leave you two to celebrate.
I can't believe I didn't get in.
I can't either.
It's such a disappointment.
I thought it went great.
I was fine with all their answers to all my questions.
You do realize they were interviewing you and not the other way, right? What? No one told me that.
That's why they got cagey when I asked where they see themselves in ten years.
Huh.
Keep your head up, Sky.
You got two more interviews tomorrow.
Or you can give up.
No interviews at Mommy Academy.
Organic strawberries.
[shutter clicking] Hey, Wes, I need to talk to you about those sneakers.
What about them? Malik forget to disinfect 'em, so I hate to say this, but I think they have bedbugs.
[chuckles] I don't care.
They could literally have a flesh-eating virus.
I'd still wear them.
Oh.
Okay.
Even though they're counterfeit? - These aren't counterfeit.
- Yeah, I'm afraid so.
Malik bought them from some vendor who was also selling purses by Larry Vuitton and Caca Chanel.
No, they're real.
Trust me, I measured the height of the heel stabilizer, they're exactly 23mm long.
That's how you tell the real from the fakes.
You measured the heel stabilizers, did you? What's wrong? Did Malik say he wanted his shoes back? What? No, this has nothing to do with Malik.
[deep breath] He'd be a total jerk to ask me to get them back.
What's the problem? Uh I want him to have them back.
Why? Because I find them very sexy.
[both] Eww! Eww.
Not on you, on him.
Uh it just really turns me on when he wears them.
Wait a minute.
So you're saying the ladies like these, too? I ain't never taking these shoes off.
Wes, boy, you are looking sharp in them shoes, kid.
- I see you.
- [laughs] Hey, you look good.
You look good.
What happened? You were supposed to get them back.
I just called my brother "sexy.
" I'm gonna need you to step-off.
Ha! There he is, looking like ten pounds of sugar in a five-pound bag.
What's up, man? How you doing? How was your day? Not the best.
They started calling me short-pants tight-shirt.
[laughing] How did they come up with that? I know, I don't mind a mean nickname, but at least be creative.
What was wrong with "Baby Hulk"? That's what happens when you don't put your clothes in the hamper.
Actions have consequences.
Yeah, it was embarrassing.
Especially since today was picture day.
You sent him to school like that on picture day? Hah! Mom is gonna kill you.
[Justine] Joey! [sighs] Left my passport and keys in the bedroom.
[laughs] The school just emailed me photo proofs from picture day.
Look, I know you're upset, but it was just a picture of his face.
Huh.
Not the class picture, look.
Okay.
A little goofy clothes on, he still looks fly, he's a Washington.
Fly? Why don't you zoom in on the fly? Okay.
Is that his belt? Whoa! Definitely not his belt.
What the heck are you seeing? Oh, my goodness.
Hole in the sugar bag.
Why wasn't he wearing underwear? Oh, because of your father's stupid parenting philosophy.
"Oh, I got this.
" You ain't got nothing.
Listen, I know this is bad, Jus.
Yeah, it's bad.
You might as well just start shopping for his shoulder rat.
No, it's bad means it's actually good.
He won't leave stuff on the floor anymore, and my plan is actually working.
That's your plan? To dress our son like a hobo, expose his privates in his class picture? That's your plan? - More or less.
- Oh! [sighs] Sky, you want me to go in there with you this time? Jus, we can't do this for her.
What are you even doing here? You should be at Daevon's school trying to get them to Photoshop out your last genius parenting move.
[Joey sighs] Guys, don't worry.
Now that I understand how the system works, I can totally manipulate it.
- Good luck.
- Way to go, Joey.
You created a lose-lose situation.
What are you talking about? If she gets in, I lose my daughter.
If she doesn't, she'll be so traumatized, Mommy Academy will have to hold her back a whole year.
So, he slept in the shoes? Yeah, and at one point it seemed like he was having a nightmare about someone trying to steal them.
So, I stopped trying to take them off.
Big of you.
[chuckles] Yeah, I realized, what am I doing? They mean much more to him than they do to me.
He's a kid, and I'm a grown man.
I've made my peace with it.
Good.
I just wanna make your family the most incredible meal that they've ever had.
- Let's hit the farmers market.
- Okay, yeah.
Maybe afterwards we could find some time for a little bit of Basketball! Not really what I was gonna say.
Basketball is how I can win my sneakers without seeming like a jerk.
Really? What happened to all that stuff about you being a grown man? Grown men lie, Veronica.
You are being really immature.
Look, I'm sorry, but I have to go do this.
I'll text the list for the farmers market.
You're kidding me, right? What was I thinking? I'm such a terrible boyfriend.
Here's some money.
Don't forget the eggplants.
I'm looking for a cross disciplinary education that promotes critical thinking and a strong sense of personal and social responsibility.
Is that off our website? Is it? How weird.
This school offers exactly what I'm looking for.
So, Skyler, would you categorize yourself as leaning towards math and science or arts and humanities? The one you like most.
That's the one I'm most interested in, for sure.
Skyler, I don't feel like we're getting a real sense of who you are.
I'd say I'm someone who believes the role of an educator is to stimulate the emergence of a child's - Are you quoting the website again? - You want me to quote the website again? Listen, Skyler, you're obviously a very bright girl.
Great memorization skills.
- We'll let you know.
- What is "We'll let you know" mean? - Just we'll let you know.
- That sounds like a no.
- It's not a no, it's a we'll let you know.
- It's a yes? It's definitely not a yes.
What's up, Wes? What you doing? Shooting hoops.
You wanna play? Nah, man, I was gonna throw on some ankle weights and sweat it out to the oldies, you know what I'm saying? [laughs] But, nah, this'll work, too.
All right.
What you wanna play? I was thinking maybe some Shoeless Joe.
What is that? It's one-on-one, but the winner gets the loser's shoes.
That don't sound like no real game.
[pretends to laugh] What are you talking about, that don't sound real? That's wild.
You probably think it's not a real game because it's a street ball thing.
- I've played street ball, bro.
- You've played gated community ball.
That's not true.
I play over at Brookside Estates, and they don't have a gate.
Okay, yeah, they have a guard.
But you can still get in.
It's okay, we don't have to play this.
What do you wanna play? We can play Pig, Around the World, Four-square? No, Shoeless Joe.
You absolutely positive? Shoeless Joe.
- Come on.
- Okay.
- Yeah.
- All right, I'm good.
I can't believe I didn't get in.
I'm two and "O.
" Technically you're 0-2.
The wins come first.
Not for me.
- Happy now? - Jus, I know this looks bad.
Think about it, Daevon's picture was bad and through the bad came the good.
Same thing's gonna happen to Skyler.
I got this.
I really don't think you do.
I got a lot of stuff, I know what I'm doing.
[video game] Daevon.
Didn't you learn anything from yesterday? I learned if I'm wearing my swim clothes, I can just wash them while I take a shower.
My entire reputation, as a parent, depends on you putting those clothes in that hamper.
What is it gonna take to get that done? I've no idea.
Maybe we can ask Mom to pick them up.
No, that's over.
Your mother's not picking up your clothes anymore.
I am.
Just trying to survive, man.
Miss Washington.
Tanisha, hey! Funny seeing you outside of class.
Are you working here? Yeah, my family has a farm stand.
Dad, this is my computer coding teacher, Miss Washington.
Hi.
I've heard a lot about you.
I'm Blake.
Sorry, my hands are dirty, I've been ripping the tops off of carrots all day.
[laughs] Lucky carrots.
- What? - [inhales] I'm Veronica.
Funny, when I picture computer teacher, I imagine a real nerdy type.
Yeah, when I picture a farmer, I imagine - A white guy? - Yeah.
[chuckles] Tanisha really loves your class.
Yeah, she's a great student.
You guys must be really proud.
Actually, it's just me, but I am incredibly proud of her.
Oh, single dad, huh? I mean, it's interesting, because I was also raised by a single dad.
One single individual dad and one single individual mom, who are happily married to each other.
So, what are you looking for? What makes you think I'm looking for something? You're at a farmers market.
Right.
Right.
Eggplant for eggplant parmesan.
You're gonna want the Italian ones.
[laughs] How much do I owe you? It's on the house, least I can do for everything you've done for Tanisha.
Who? Right.
[laughs] Okay.
Bye.
- [exhales] - Sky, don't be nervous.
This is the last school with a mid-year opening.
What if they reject me, too? You can't think like that Sky, you gotta be confident, yet humble.
You mean like this? Hi, I'm Skyler.
[grumbles] I can't do this.
I know I begged you to let me go to regular school, but I didn't know it was gonna be like this.
I just wanna go back to home school.
You sure? Yeah, it's too much.
I'll tell them you changed your mind.
We can just go home.
No.
We're not doing that.
But, Mom.
Skyler, you have to see this through, and it may be hard, but Mommy and Daddy can't protect you kids from every hard thing.
We're not putting Daevon's dirty clothes in a hamper for him, and we're not letting you go home right now.
How are those two things related? When you're a parent, you will understand.
You know what? Your Mom's right, you can't quit.
- Go in there and give them your best shot.
- I don't know what I'm doing.
None of us do.
Well, on the one hand, I could say but when you look at it from the other side, there's a part of me that Skyler dear, we just asked where you were born.
I know, I'm sorry.
I just thought getting into school was gonna be easy.
I thought I knew it all, but I don't know anything.
Maybe I've been home schooled too long.
I'm like one of the foxes from Santa Cruz Island raised in captivity, and when released in the wild, they can no longer successfully hunt deer mice.
Skyler I know, I should just be myself, but I don't even know who that is.
So if I'm hearing you right, you're saying you're confused and insecure.
I guess I am.
You sound like a sixth grader to me and one we'd love to have here at Woodsmere Academy.
Are you serious? - Absolutely.
- Yes, I'm going to regular school.
Thank you so much.
Hey, I just caught a deer mouse.
Hey, how was the farmers market? Totally normal, nothing handsome.
Nothing happened.
Nothing happened, handsome.
I just wanted to tell you I'm really sorry I made you go by yourself.
That's okay.
How was the basketball game? Oh, well.
What the heck? It was crazy.
Wes won the first round of Shoeless Joe.
- Shoeless Joe? - That's just a fake game I made up.
I won the first two out of three, and then he won four out of seven, when we tied at nine games, we realized this is silly.
Let's just do this.
- Because this is so much less silly.
- Hey, sole brother.
[both laughing] Get it? Sole, like s-o-l-e, like the sole of a shoe.
Yeah, I get it.
This was the best solution you came up with? Yeah, what else would we do? Wait.
Veronica's right, man.
I mean there is another way.
- We could alternate weeks with them? - You mean shared custody? - Yeah.
- Okay.
On my weeks, I'm spoiling them rotten, and I'm turning them against you.
Yeah? I might take them to Mexico and never come back.
- I'm kidding, I'd never do that to them.
- [both laughing] Oh, this guy's the best, V.
You're right.
He's the best.
- I still have to make dinner with those.
- Right.
Say hello to Woodsmere Academy's newest student! - [cheering] - That's so cool.
- [laughing] - Good job.
Turns out being a basket case is total private school bait.
[laughs] I gotta hand it to you, Joey, I've never seen Skyler so happy.
No, you the one who made it happen, Jus, you pushed through when I had doubt.
You zigged when I zagged.
I only zigged because I saw you take a stand for Daevon, and it really helped.
Yeah, about that, didn't work.
- What? - He's younger and stronger than me, Jus.
You was right.
I guess we just gotta survive.
Yeah, I guess a few clothes on the floor is not the end of the world.
- We got this.
- Yeah, we got this.
- [mwah] - Fist bump.
Daevon, why are you soaking wet? I just did some laundry.
Shoulder rat.
[man rapping] [theme music playing]