All Creatures Great and Small (2020) s03e04 Episode Script

What A Balls Up!

Hello, Ministry of Agriculture.
The Mag. That's right.
How can I help?
[MR. HARCOURT] Bloody nonsense!
If I were to look up incompetence
in the dictionary,
I'd see your face
staring right back at me.
Form B213 DT.
Yes, I'm positive.
Take a seat, Mr. Herriot.
No, I'm sure Mr. Harcourt
isn't trying to ruin you.
Yes. I'll put you through.
Mr. Harcourt, Mr. Wilkinson's
on the line for you.
He won't be long.
Absolute poppycock!
I think he's ready for you now.
Good morning, Mr. Harcourt.
How are you?
I'll tell you how I am:
I'm bloody annoyed.
In fact, I'm hopping bloody mad.
It won't happen again.
You don't know what it is yet.
But whatever it is, I can assure
That's what you said
the last time,
when you found an infected cow
of Postlethwaite's
that had already
been dead for two years.
That was very clever.
I don't know how you managed it.
- I am trying.
- Then why?
Why the bloody hell do you keep
ballsing up the TB testing?
Oh, here.
I'll do it with the rest later.
Oh, don't w
Thanks, Audrey.
Mrs. Pumphrey still in London?
For the duration of Tricki's
health visit, I imagine.
Might your husband surface
at some point today?
He had a meeting with the Ministry
of Agriculture first thing.
- Oh. Oh, dear. The Mag.
- Why "oh, dear"?
You don't normally get called
in there unless you've done
something terribly wrong.
Has anyone seen my?
James hasn't done anything wrong.
Has he?
One of my veterinary officers
was on that farm
and he found that
you hadn't served
a notice of cleansing
and disinfection.
- Right.
- Yes, it is bloody right.
In fact, you sent the form to me.
Maybe you want me to go and
disinfect the place. Is that it?
Would you like me
to slip along there
and get busy with the hosepipe?
I'll go now if it makes
you feel any happier.
No, no, of course not.
Herriot, there's just one thing
I want to know from you.
Do you want this bloody work
or don't you?
Please Mr. Harcourt,
I give you my word, I
We We do want the work,
very much so.
Please, give me another chance.
If we are to win
this war against TB,
we can't afford any mistakes.
We're in the business
of saving lives here, Herriot,
animals as well as humans.
Weren't it you who told me that?
Well, we'll go through
the procedure once more, shall we?
Yes, by all means.
First of all,
if you find an infected animal
you serve B205 DT Form A,
notice requiring detention
and isolation of the animal.
Next we have B207 DT Form C,
notice of intended slaughter.
Then B208 DT Form D,
postmortem certificate,
then we have B196 DT,
veterinary inspector's report,
B209 DT, valuation agreement.
And in cases where
the owner objects,
we have B213 DT,
appointment of valuer.
Then B212 DT,
notice to owner
of time and place of slaughter,
followed by B227 DT,
receipt for animal for slaughter.
Finally, B230 DT,
notice requiring cleansing
and disinfection.
Dammit, a child
could understand that!
It's simple, isn't it?
Yes, certainly, absolutely.
And I can assure you,
from now on, I'll get it right.
Hush, Jess.
Tricki's a guest.
Happy now?
No. Tricki, you're on a strict diet.
Dry dog biscuits only.
That Jess's food.
- Siegfried?
- Mm-hmm?
Do you think James is in
a bit of trouble?
Knowing Harcourt,
a whole heap of it, I expect.
I did warn James,
the whole testing business
is more trouble than it's worth.
If it goes wrong,
he could shut us down.
I see you're currently
testing at Rudd's farm.
Yes. Heading up there today
for my second visit.
Don't make a balls-up
of this one, Herriot.
I like you lad, I do,
but there can be
no more chances after this.
You waiting on something?
- Bloody hell!
- That sounds like it.
What on Earth?!
- What do you think?
- You got it! Looks fantastic, Tris.
Did you know?
I got it for a song in the end, too.
You mean you paid
someone money for this?
I know, hard to believe
on my meagre wages.
Yeah, it's not much to look at
but Dinsdale assures me
that it's as solid as a tractor.
It sounds like one.
I'm sure with a bit of love,
it can be transformed.
Exactly, Mrs. H.
Fancy a drive?
In that thing? Um, there are
less painful ways to die.
Still want a lift up
to Heston Grange?
If that's all right.
Oh. James asked if you'd take on
these visits today.
What visits?
What are you talking about?
Well, it's a light surgery day,
so I thought I'd help James out.
Another reason I got this beauty.
That's very industrious of you,
isn't it Mr. Farnon?
..yes, all right, I suppose.
I'd rather I'd been
consulted first, but I'll
I'll allow it.
So wait, who's looking
after surgery, then?
Over the wall!
Come on!
Left, left, left-right-left.
Left, left, left-right-left.
Left, left, left-right-left.
Left, left, left-right-left.
Left, left, left-right-left.
Left, left, left-right-left.
Left, left, left-right-left.
Left, left, left-right-left.
[FADING] Left, left, left-right-left.
Yeah, twist it round a little.
Yeah, that should do it, I reckon.
Hold up. I want to
make sure it's done right.
I'll just tighten this up,
see if that helps.
Thanks for all your help
on the farm, Tom.
It's hard for me to be here as much,
now I'm at Skeldale.
You're quite welcome.
How are things at Skeldale? James all right?
- He's fine. Why?
- Oh, all that nonsense with Postlethwaite.
He's just letting off steam is all.
- What nonsense?
- Oh, sorry, Helen, I thought you'd have heard.
It's nowt really.
Postlethwaite had the Mag over at his farm,
trying to test a cow
that had been dead two years.
Some sort of form mix up.
It's all been sorted now, mind.
I'm sure it weren't
James's fault or owt.
No, course.
Thanks, Tom.
Morning, James.
Morning, Dick.
Morning, Jim. Keeping you busy,
these Ministry fellas, eh?
- You don't know the half of it.
- Aye, right, well, I'll, er,
- start bringing cows through for you.
- Thank you.
[ECHOING] Left, left, left-right-left.
Left, left, left-right-left.
Left, left, left-right-left.
Here we are, girl.
Very good.
Sh, sh, sh.
She's good.
Next one.
Just need to measure this swelling.
Could be something or nothing.
Richard Alderson were saying he can
charge extra for his milk
now he's had t'testing done.
Every bit helps.
Could be a bit of chill,
I suppose.
I'm going to take a sample
back to the practice.
Just to be on the safe side.
Aye. If you think it's necessary.
I do. But believe me,
I would gladly be wrong
on this occasion, Dick.
Is her name really Mrs. Hardmeat?
Apparently so.
Well Mrs. Hardmeat makes
a very soft sponge.
I'll be out of a job soon
if these patients keep
bringing in cakes for Tristan.
Come on, Rock.
You could be
a woman of leisure.
Travel the world,
sail the high seas.
I'm just happy if I can hang up me
pinny for an hour or two.
There's an Elgar recital
at the village hall this week.
I hear pinnies are
strictly forbidden.
Oh, yes? Yes.
They're playing my favourite,
Salut D'Amour.
Well, we could go
if you like.
Yeah, all right.
Why not?
How about tomorrow?
I could pick you up.
Well, I'll meet you there.
I was just out on some jobs
and I, er
thought I'd
thought I'd check on Daisy.
See how she's doing.
Daisy's fine, thank you.
You having a spot of car trouble?
I just bought it today.
Still getting used to it.
A Morris Cowley.
Very nice.
You think so?
Yes. Why?
Don't you?
No, no, I do.
Yes, yes. Absolutely.
Hello, Daisy.
Yes, you seem
to be doing just fine.
Erm yes, yes.
All looks good from here.
What are you really doing here,
Tristan Farnon?
I'm not quite sure,
to be honest.
I suppose I wanted
to say hello.
OK, well,
goodbye, then.
I could take you for a drive
in the car.
I mean, if you like.
Not now, obviously.
Tomorrow maybe.
Or next week.
I'm free most of this month
or year.
Pick me up at two tomorrow.
Let's see what this lady can do.
All right, good.
Yes. Perfe
Er it's nearly dinnertime.
A mere hors d'oeuvre, Mrs. Hall.
Not for you.
You see?
He's gone to hide again now.
He'll get used to it.
That bloody car!
Half the animals in the district
will be scared silly.
Oh. Looks like
Mrs. Turner's been.
Best lemon sponge in Darrowby.
E-Except for yours,
of course, Mrs. H.
- Dinner's nearly ready.
- Tristan, we really need to talk about that car.
It's frightening the life
out of poor Tricki.
Oh. For goodness' sake, Siegfried,
what is going on
with you and that dog?
What're you talking about?
Nothing's going on. Hm.
You'll be wearing pearls
and feeding him foie gras next.
I'm really starting
to worry about you.
I just don't think that car
is right for you.
All right, it's perfectly admirable
that you've done these things
- under your own steam
- And he saved up for it.
All well and good,
but the fact is, it's not suitable.
Now, I've spoken to Dinsdale
and he's agreed to take it back.
- What do you mean, no?
- Just exactly what I said. No.
- It is his car.
- But it
Now, this is the money
from Mr. Higgins,
plus what he owed
from last month.
Mrs. Trent, Mr. Robertson,
all accounted for.
You'll be back in
the practice tomorrow, then?
Well, we've nothing booked. Unless
we have an emergency case come in,
I'm taking Florence for
a drive in the new car.
Not Florence Pandhi?
Oh, Tris, that's exciting.
The daughter of our rival?
Your rival, yes.
No. No, I forbid it.
I'll go and put this
in the ledger.
"I forbid it!"
Oh, Siegfried.
He's showing some initiative,
doing all the things
you've always wanted him to do.
It's a good thing.
- You should be happy.
- It is, I am. I just
Better go and check
that Tricki's all right.
Hello. You've been busy.
Good day?
Not particularly.
Rudd's got a cow with TB.
You're not giving it to 'em.
And every case you catch,
you help stop the spread.
That's not how
most of the farmers see it.
Tom told me about Postlethwaite.
You know what farmers are
like, though. They're never happy
unless they've got something
to grumble about.
He's right to be upset, though.
We've had a lot of positive cases.
And I keep making a hash
of all these forms,
which does nothing to help.
That what your meeting
with the Mag was about?
Amongst other things.
Why are you keeping
all this to yourself?
It's not that I'm keeping it
from you. It's just
I was the one that pushed
to take on the testing
and you and your dad took
such a risk siding with me.
I just feel like I'm letting
everybody down.
You, Siegfried, Dick
And what?
You could never let me down.
Yes, I stood by your side
because you're my husband
but it's also the right thing
to do. It's important.
Harcourt gave me
a final warning this morning.
And I've got all these forms
to complete for Rudd's case
and I just can't seem
to get a grip on them.
There's nothing else?
No, that's it.
Mrs. H is saving you some breakfast.
Thank you.
Oh, watch that.
Right, so these are the forms
you need Rudd to sign.
- B205 DT Form A.
- Mm.
And B207 DT Form C.
This one here, B213 DT,
is just in case
he requests a valuation.
- So you might not need it.
- Right.
I'll make a start
on the rest today.
Are you sure you're not needed
up at Heston Grange?
This is more important.
- Cheerio.
- Bye.
There can't be any mistake?
Sorry, Dick,
I tested her myself.
She will have to be taken
for slaughter.
Well, could've been worse.
Could have infected
t'whole herd.
I just need you
to sign these forms.
I get compensation,
though, don't I, Jim?
The statutory value is £5.
Oh. We can appoint a valuer
if you don't agree.
I have another form here
if you'd like to contest it.
Oh, it's all right, Jim.
Right. I just need you
to sign these, then.
That's usually
Mrs. Rudd's job, that.
I see.
Is she around?
Out at t'market.
Well, perhaps you could
sign them, then, this once.
Then I can have Jeff Mallock
come down and collect her and
get it over with.
Right you are.
And you will have to shut
the farm down. Just temporarily,
until the Mag can come down
and retest the herd.
Shut the farm?
You never mentioned that.
Because I was hoping
it wouldn't come to this.
- It's gonna put me out of pocket.
- I know.
I know, and I
I am sorry, Dick.
No, not there.
That's for me to sign.
If you just sign there.
It's just
Just a bit of paper to them, innit?
I can assure you
it means more than that to me.
It'll be all right, Dad.
Come on,
back to work.
Oh, get out,
you daft bugger.
Come on,
Tricki, darling.
It's little darling's favourite.
It's Battenburg.
How have the mighty fallen.
Oh. I was just, um
The poor dog's terrified
to come out.
He's scared stiff
of that wretched car.
I know Tristan feels strongly about
it but, really, it's got to go.
He's very proud of it.
He'd be prouder still
if he thought you approved.
Of that rust bucket?
I don't think so.
What's this all about?
Because I know
it's not about Tricki.
It's nothing.
I just
I suppose I wanted to be the one
to buy Tristan his first car.
Well, you were.
We both know how that turned out.
And I'd be lying if I said
I hadn't any regrets.
He worked for this car.
He earned it.
I just wish he'd do as he's told.
No, that's not true.
I'm glad he's doing
things off his own bat.
He's a man now.
You've got to let him
make his own decisions.
Even if he does
buy a rust bucket.
I suppose I could allow him
a little more autonomy.
I suppose.
- Better get ready.
- Where are you going?
I'm going to the Elgar recital
with Gerald.
What the young people
call a date?
We're just going to
the recital together.
It's not a date.
It isn't!
Have a nice time.
All the more for me.
Oh, now he comes.
You're all the bloody same,
you never do what I ask
until I stop asking.
Would you like a job?
As your official form filler?
Mm, more like my form assistant.
- What's the pay like?
- Terrible.
But the benefits are pretty good.
- Barker?
- Here.
- Brown?
- Yes, sir.
You're not in
the fields now, my boy.
- Johnson?
- Here.
Is that Tom?
- Chapman?
- Here.
- Smith?
- Tom?
- Johnson?
- Yes.
Tom never said a word
when I saw him.
Poor Anne and Bert.
They must be worried sick.
And proud. Tom's doing
his duty. It's important.
What you're doing,
the TB testing, being a vet,
that's important.
You do know that, don't you?
You're saving lives.
People's livelihoods rely on you.
I know that. It's just
I don't know.
It doesn't always feel that way.
If you hadn't found
that cow of Rudd's,
his whole herd would've
gone down with TB by now.
His milk's sold across the county.
There's a reason
your job's protected.
But how can I,
in good conscience,
watch those young lads
go off for their training
whilst I stay here,
testing cows and living in
my nice warm home?
It doesn't seem right.
No, I know. I know.
And I feel it too.
I do understand, James.
But it's not your decision to make.
The people in charge
say you're needed here.
You are needed here.
And I'm not just talking about
the farmers and the practice.
I need you.
I need to know
you're listening to me.
You're staying here.
I don't care if it sounds selfish.
Even if it is selfish.
I need to make sure
Mallock's taken Rudd's cow
and get these
last forms sent off.
Y'all right, Charlie?
Hello, Bert.
Sorry. Sorry.
Are you all right, Audrey?
I think we need to talk.
How about a walk around
the block instead?
I'd like that.
It's my fault.
I shouldn't have pushed you to come.
You didn't.
You've been nothing but kind.
And I enjoy your company
very much, Gerald.
I hope you know that.
- You don't have to explain yourself, Audrey.
- No, I want to.
You deserve it.
I'm just not used
to talking like this.
I loved my husband.
And things happen that are
out of our control and
Well, it is what it is now.
I've made me peace with it.
And with how things are
with Edward as well.
But it hurted me.
It still hurts me.
And I don't want pity.
Plenty worse off than me.
But I feel safe
with how things are
with my place at Skeldale.
Life in Darrowby.
And I just
Not ready to change that.
I understand.
- What do you think of the sandwiches?
- I'm pleasantly surprised.
- Did you make them?
- Of course I did.
Well, maybe with
a little bit of help.
This is a beautiful spot.
I've actually never brought
anyone here before.
Is that right?
And I'm not sure
why I just told you that.
Do I make you nervous,
Tristan Farnon?
Maybe a little.
Does anything make you nervous,
Florence Pandhi?
Of course.
I suppose I've got so used
to people looking at me funny and
..asking me where
I'm really from,
I've grown a thick skin.
I'm certainly not indomitable,
You seem it.
You seem to know exactly what
you want. And how best to get it.
"Seem" being the operative word.
Aren't we all just trying
to figure things out as we go?
"To err is human"
and all that.
I feel like I spend half my time
doing what everyone else wants.
And the other half?
Worrying that
I've done it wrong.
What do you want?
From life, I mean.
I don't know.
I went to the school
that I was sent to,
became a vet because
that's what Siegfried wanted.
You've never had
your own dream?
Not particularly.
But you dreamt of owning a car.
I did.
And you bought yourself one.
You decided to ask me out.
I did.
And now here we are.
The only person holding you back
is you, Tristan Farnon.
Yeah, I suppose you're right.
I usually am.
Jim. I've just come down
from t'top field.
- Edith tells me Mallock's been.
- What?!
He's taken t'wrong cow.
He's off wi' me best milker.
Right. Get on the phone to
the knacker's yard right away.
Edith's already tried that.
There's no reply.
He'll have shot her before we can
stop him. He'll ruin me, Jim.
- Which way did he go?
- Edith said he went
off towards Grampton
about ten minute ago.
He might be picking up other beasts
on the way. I'll go after him.
Aye. Well, it's your
responsibility, you know.
Come on, come on, come on.
What's that?
- I said, "Where are we going now?"
- What?
I haven't got a clue what
you're saying, sorry.
Please, please, please, come on.
Move over!
Well, someone's in a hurry.
Hang on, wasn't that?
That's Mallock's van.
That's it, old girl, come on.
Come on!
Come on, that's it.
That's it, old girl. That's it.
No, no, no, not now.
Not now. Not now. Dammit.
Dammit. Not now! No!
It is him.
- Spot of car trouble?
- Oh, thank God.
Everything all right, old chap?
I'll explain on the way.
Just drive.
Oh, I've always wanted to do this!
Come on, then.
This is Jim,
by the way.
Tim? Nice to meet you. I'm Flo.
You too.
Yes, lovely view.
You're back early.
Seems it, er
might have been
a date after all.
I see.
Sorry to interrupt.
Can I have a word, Siegfried?
- Of course.
- Right, best get dinner started.
Is everything all right?
Not really, no.
How about a sherry?
We saw Tom earlier.
He's volunteered for training.
- Tom Chapman?
- Mm.
And now James has
got it in his head
that what he's doing here
isn't enough.
I've told him,
he's in a reserved occupation,
that he's needed.
The TB testing, it's important.
Thank you.
What did he say?
He said he knows but
I'm scared.
I know this sounds selfish
but I've given up
so much to be here.
me dad, the farm,
and I don't regret it.
I don't.
But I can't lose him.
I won't let that happen.
Why do you think
I made him partner?
He's vital here.
There's no way
he'd be allowed to leave.
What if we can't stop him?
Helen, look at me.
It may not always seem like it but
I do, in fact, still run this place.
Everyone under this roof
is in my care.
Do we understand one another?
I'll get it.
- Farnon.
- Harcourt. Come in.
It's unusual to see one of you
Mag fellows out in daylight.
I always imagined
you'd turn to dust.
Witty as ever, Farnon.
Herriot about?
Jeff! Jeff.
Oh, thank God.
You've got the wrong cow.
You're not Jeff Mallock.
Aye, you're right there, lad.
Is there owt else
I can help you with?
- Well, what now?
- To Mallock's.
Oh, I hope we're in time.
So, who was that chap?
Ket Feller,
from the cattle market.
Sorry, Tim.
Shut up, Kevin.
Shut up, Kevin!
Er, hey up, er, Mr. Herriot.
Aye, see you've brought
t'whole gang wi' you.
- Hello, Jeff.
- I always like a bite about this time.
- Jeff, I, er
- Look, er,
- I'm sorry but you've caught me out, Mr. Herriot.
- What do you mean?
Well, I always like
to get carcass dressed for you
but you've come a bit early.
But that I just saw the carcass
through the window.
Nay, nay, lad, that's not 'er.
That isn't the cow from Rudd's?
No, that's right.
I had to do another 'un first.
Rudd's cow's still in t'wagon.
Aye, alive, aye.
Last time I looked, aye.
Not had a finger on 'er.
Nice-looking cow for a goner.
She's no goner, Jeff.
You've got the wrong cow there.
- Wrong cow?
- That's Rudd's best milker.
We've been chasing you
across the Dales.
Pulled over Ket Feller by mistake.
Well, that's a corker.
So you'll head up to Rudd's and
change the cows over then?
Well, give us a minute.
Don't like to rush me grub.
Would you like some?
Build up your strength.
You look like you lost a shilling
and found a sixpence, lad.
- No, no, it's very kind of you, Jeff, but no, thanks.
- Ah, come on.
I'd love some. Thanks, Jeff.
- Yes, a nice pork pie.
- Pork pie, my favourite.
Aye, aye, get stuck in.
Shut up, Kevin,
you daft ha'p'orth.
If you wouldn't mind,
there is a form that needs signing.
Aye, aye, aye.
- The wrong cow.
- Wrong cow.
I'll walk you to your door.
Come on.
Bye, Tim.
I'd, er, completely understand
if you never wanted to see me again.
I promise that is not
what I had in mind
Tristan Farnon, that was, by far
..the best date I've ever been on.
Oh, er, by the way,
it's Jim, not Tim.
Why didn't you tell me sooner?
Oh, no!
I'm so embarrassed.
Sorry. It was too much fun.
I don't think I can take
much more of this.
I'm exhausted.
Come on, old chap, cheer up.
We did it, we saved the day.
- And got the girl?
- Ah, well,
a gentleman never tells.
But yes. Yes, I did.
We were just kissing back there.
Weren't you watching us?
I don't know.
Maybe Siegfried was right.
The testing is more
bother than it's worth.
I don't think I can do it any more.
Well, never tell him that.
It might create some sort
of space-time continuum.
I think I have to, Tris.
I'm going to.
Hello? Siegfried?
In here.
Ah, Herriot.
There you are.
Mr. Harcourt.
I thought I'd drop in,
check how things are running here.
And Mr. Farnon has been kind enough
to fill me in on everything.
How'd it go at Rudd's farm?
Um, we, erm
Well, unfortunately,
we found another positive case.
Did we?
So can I expect more forms?
They were posted this morning.
I am giddy with anticipation.
And I have a signed
B227 DT for you.
A receipt for slaughter.
How'd you guess?
Post it.
And we agreed on
the statuary compensation with Rudd.
We? What's this "we", Herriot?
How d'you mean?
It's all you, in't it?
You're responsible for all this.
I am. Yes.
I told Mr. Harcourt
you took the running
of the TB-testing programme
entirely upon yourself,
- on top of your usual practice work.
- Aye. That's true. But
The amount of them you were getting
through, I assumed the whole practice
- was turning its hand to the matter.
- No, no. It's just him.
Your work will
already have saved lives.
You're a credit
to your profession lad.
Thank you, sir.
In fact, the next district is falling
behind somewhat. Perhaps you might
- like to take on the extra work?
- I
- Of course he would.
- But please, for the love of God not make a balls up
of any more forms.
I'll make sure of it.
[AUDREY] I'll show you out.
- Well done, Jim.
- Thanks, Tris.
This new car of yours.
Want to show me how it runs?
- Really?
- Well, I can't very well let you out in it
until I know it's safe.
Lead the way.
We're going for a spin, Mrs. H.
Want to join us?
Oh, hell.
- I'll get me coat.
- Yes!
See how needed you are now?
I do.
Not least to finish painting
those doorframes.
Come on.
Re-sync and some formatting by Hakkikt
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