All Creatures Great and Small (2020) s04e02 Episode Script

Carpe Diem

Where is it?
Where are you?
Once more unto the bag.
- What have you lost?
- Suture kit.
- Jacket pocket?
- No!
I mean, how am I supposed
to find anything in ?
In the car?
- Where's James? He should know.
- Well, surgery's started.
James, have you ?
- God!
- Sorry, Mrs Stokes.
Ladies, ladies, out of there!
Open the door.
No, sir, that must be an oversight.
Yeah. I'll make sure we pay it
as soon as possible. Thank you.
It's a right mess in there.
- No, no, no. Dispensary.
- James, you all right?
Not in there. Hither!
- Not the lunch.
- Oh, 'eck, my ironing.
Come on, ladies, come on.
That's it.
No, no, not in there. Not in my pantry!
- James, grab her. Grab her!
- Got you!
I'm so sorry.
- Not your fault.
- Come here.
Ooh. Get down from there.
As I was saying, Mrs Stokes,
keep her legs dry and
apply this twice a day.
- This is a small animal surgery.
- I know.
These are goats. Why are they here?
Yeah, well, Betty's got mud rash,
and she won't go anywhere without Hilda.
- So, Hilda's having a day out?
- Aye.
We got a lift down to
Darrowby with my neighbour.
The girls loved riding
on that cart, didn't you?
- Will you excuse me, Mrs Stokes?
- Yeah.
What were you thinking?
You said we should ask owners to
bring animals in if they could.
Yes, yes, I didn't mean goats!
- What did you mean?
- I meant
use your judgement.
Look at this.
- Come in.
- It was full yesterday. It cost a fortune.
You can't have used
it all up on one goat.
Or did you give Hilda
a good dusting, too,
- so she wouldn't feel left out?!
- I
Mr Cargill called. Chasing
payment for his invoice.
We're up to our eyes in farm
visits, we're drowning in paperwork,
and you're chucking expensive
wound powder around like confetti.
The goats knocked it
over when you charged in.
I suppose we're lucky Mrs
Stokes doesn't have a cow!
- What were you doing anyway?!
- I was not charging!
- What did you want?!
- My suture kit!
They're having a right ding-dong.
We'll send your bill, end of the month.
Yeah. Oh, wait, there's no
need, I'll settle up now.
First prize in t'Women's Institute.
- Best autumn preserve.
- Thank you.
- What's this?
- A hoof knife.
- MY hoof knife!
- Well, if you leave things lying around
Perhaps instead of an equipment cupboard
we should bury things in
the garden. Worth a try.
- Who knows?
- Sorry, are you waiting ?
Maybe that's where I'll
find my bloody suture kit.
Excuse me.
I can hear every word out there.
You're gonna have to keep it down.
Mr Farnon.
Miss, erm
- Harbottle.
- Yes, of course,
I'm so sorry, I've been wrestling goats.
They seem to have won.
Miss Harbottle and I met at the
Farmers' Union dance last week.
The foxtrot.
- Carpe diem.
- Carpe diem.
You told me to call.
- So I did.
- So I'm here.
To discuss your offer.
You need someone to take over
the administrative burden,
leaving you free to concentrate
on your veterinary work.
Miss Harbottle, I couldn't
have said it better myself.
I think that was
what you said. And what I said was
"Bringing order to
chaos is my speciality."
You're in the middle of lambing season,
you must be exhausted.
Especially without your brother to help.
Frankly, it's a wonder
you've been able to manage at all.
Yes, I suppose it is.
Have you come far?
Oh, from Broughton.
I've just finished at Henshaw's,
- the feed merchants.
- Oh.
clerk and assistant to the manager.
Mr Farnon, perhaps you
could show me around.
Yes, of course. Excuse me, Mrs Hall.
- Ah, this is Mrs Herriot
- James!
and Mr Herriot.
Ah. Yes, the junior partner.
- Hello.
- How do you do?
We have two treatment
rooms for small animals.
But the majority of your
practice is farm animals?
Made harder now because so
many farms are short-handed.
Mm. And you're blazing a trail
with your TB testing, as I recall.
Yes. It's-it's very much a joint effort.
Shall we?
Ah! One of our brochures.
Our second treatment room. Ah-ha!
- Suture kit! Well done!
- Oh.
Darrowby 2-2-9-7.
Oh, hello, Mr Dakin.
- Dispensary.
- Oh, not again.
Poor Blossom. No, you
you can't leave her like that, can you?
My office.
I'm afraid paperwork rather has
the upper hand, at the moment.
As does everything else.
- What's that?
- That is Vonolel.
You know that rats are
as intelligent as dogs.
Aren't you? Yes.
And very affectionate.
Where's your cash box?
Oh. We just, erm
stuff it all in here, you know.
You just stuff it?
You go out, and you leave
that money there day after day.
Well, it's never come
to any harm before.
How about your petty cash?
It's all in there - petty and otherwise.
In my experience, Mr Farnon,
what's needed to transform even
the most shambolic of businesses
are a few particular changes
with the right person to implement them.
Mr Farnon.
- Cow's got a torn udder.
- Mr Dakin?
Tell him I'll be up as soon as I can.
- Already have.
- I've seen all I need.
I'm going to get started right away.
Terms as agreed.
You have a cow to attend to,
I need to get this place shipshape.
Now, where's your appointment book?
Oh. Excellent.
Oh. Thank you, Mrs Hall.
Now, any queries I have, I
shall record it on one of these.
And I
I shall keep it here for
addressing at your leisure.
Splendid idea, Miss Harbottle.
Thank you, Mr Farnon.
Look, calm down before you talk to him.
- Why didn't you ask me?!
- You weren't there!
At the farmers' ball?
I didn't realise we
were handing out jobs!
Oh, carpe diem. Quam
minimum credula postero.
- Oh, that explains it, then!
- What will she do?
Save us from this paperwork apocalypse,
- rescue us from our administrative quagmire.
- Is it really that bad?
How many invoices have you
sent out in the last month?
- Er
- Exactly.
We have suppliers calling daily.
We have to do something, James.
You could use an extra pair of hands.
Miss Harbottle's not a vet,
that's what we're missing.
The point is, she'll
allow us to be vets.
Maybe he's right. Maybe she
can sort things out in there.
I doubt she knows what she's in for.
She's just dazzled by
the Latin and the foxtrot.
If she can get the
better of that paperwork,
I'll spin her round
the dance floor myself.
You will not.
Well, she's 'ere now.
- Morning, Mr Dakin.
- Only just.
You took your time.
Worth coming up for the view.
- Always lifts the spirits.
- Aye.
Well, views don't pay bills,
and you can't see much when it rains.
Poor Blossom.
Let's see how bad it is this time.
Ah, it's a right mess again.
Another cow trod on her.
Shh, shh, shh.
Yes, well,
a sharp cow's hoof can
do a great deal of damage.
I speak from bitter experience.
Blossom's never kicked
anybody in her life.
It's up to you, but
this is the third time
I've come out to stitch her up,
and I'm afraid it's going
to keep on happening.
A low udder comes with age, and
Blossom's getting on.
Oldest one here.
Apart from me.
She's still worth a penny or two.
She doesn't owe me anything.
It might cost more to keep
her going than she brings in.
I'm just thinking of
your business, Mr Dakin.
You think she should go, then?
Well, if there's nowt else for it,
I'll get young Jack at Mallock's
to come and pick her up.
Listen, I'll sew her up
again, so she's not in pain.
There's no charge.
I'll get you some hot water.
James! I'm going to the farm.
Drovers later?
- I'd love that.
- Ahem!
Mr Herriot!
- Miss Harbottle?
- Erm
Who's handwriting is this?
Mr Farnon's.
- And this?
- Same.
I've had a go at his paperwork before.
Good luck.
See you later.
The accent, Paisley?
Aye. You?
- Oh!
Now, solving Siegfried, Mrs
Hall says there's an art to it.
I think of it more as code breaking.
Makes it more exciting.
Oh, that is a tricky one.
- Granula or something?
- No, that's a D.
- Hello?
- In here!
- Gerald.
- I've been up the allotment.
Ooh, this is Miss Harbottle.
She's just joined us.
- How d'you do?
- Mr Hall.
Oh, no, I-I'm Gerald Hammond.
- Mr Hammond is a friend.
- Oh!
I assumed
It's glandular fever.
- Thank you.
- Come on, Rock.
You still wanna go to
the pictures Friday?
A Girl Must Live.
That's the film.
Oh, sorry. Yes. I do.
I didn't, er know
there was someone new.
Nor me. One of Mr Farnon's ideas.
Oh. One of those.
Till Friday.
Come on, Rock.
Out we go.
How's she getting on? The
belle of the farmers' ball.
Ah, she's been at it all
day and barely made a dent.
- What you got there?
- Benjamin!
Ahh, that's good.
You're not supposed to be in here.
I know what you're thinking.
You must be thinking it, too.
- We said we'd wait.
- I know.
I'm just not sure
what we're waiting for.
It could all be over soon.
Or it could go on for years.
- Oh, sorry to keep you.
- Hello.
- The usual?
- Please.
You heard anything more from Tristan?
- Couple of letters.
- Mostly smutty cartoons.
It's amazing how he
can wind up Siegfried
from hundreds of miles away.
I reckon they'll all be home soon.
If it wasn't for the ration
books and the victory gardens,
you'd have no idea there's a war on.
Oh! Miss Harbottle.
How have you found the herculean task
of tackling our paperwork?
- I'll pop them in the post on my way home.
- You're a wonder.
And if you could take a look at these.
Scout's honour.
- Good evening, Mr Farnon.
- Good evening.
All rights, ladies and
germs, sorry, gentlemen.
It's the moment you've
all been waiting for.
Is it gonna be your lucky day?
Because it is ferret roulette!
The coat is going down,
the ferret's going in,
but where's he gonna come
out? That's the big question.
Place your bets, ladies and gentlemen,
while I retrieve our little
star from his dressing room.
It's the pride of Yorkshire,
here is the ferret!
He's gonna go in, here he
goes. Oh, go on, Maggie.
Oh, brave bet, thank you very much.
OK, he's going in. Here he goes.
Oh, no, is he getting to the bottom?
Yes, there he goes.
Yes, is it gonna be that
one, is it gonna be that one?
Is it gonna be that one?
Where's he gonna come out?
There we are, we're
gonna see it right now.
'Ey, where's he going?
I did not know there
was a hole in the pocket.
- Not bad.
- Rum?
- Did you train it to do that?
- No!
Pure luck.
Don't worry, he's a gent,
he'd never bite a lady.
What about a vet?
Well, I don't know about that.
Oh, he's beautiful.
Yeah, he's best of t'lot.
If you want rats catching or
rabbits, there's none better.
- Yeah. Aw.
- He's very friendly.
They are, if you treat them right.
I've had ferrets all my life.
My dad brought a polecat over
with him for the rats on the ships.
- A polecat?
- Yeah.
Bred 'em with Yorkshire
ferrets, made them stronger.
Hybrid vigour. Yeah.
- What's his name?
- Wilf.
- Aw!
- Hello, Wilf.
Oh, he's got a lump here.
Oh, well. Doesn't seem to hurt him.
Ferrets get nipped all t'time.
- A bit of salt water'll sort it out.
- Doesn't look like a bite.
Bring him over to the
surgery, we'll take a look.
You can see him now.
We'll give him an
anaesthetic, make him sleep.
Operate on the lump. We'll
remove it if we need to.
You'd do all that for a ferret?
Of course.
Thank you.
Ferret roulette. Man's a genius.
Thank you, driver.
- Good morning.
- Morning.
Ah, you you're there.
It sends the right message
to the clients, I think.
You've moved things.
Oh, a place for everything,
and everything in its place.
How was your visit
to Mr Dakin yesterday?
Er, a simple job.
A cow's udder needed stitching.
I shall prepare an invoice now.
- Oh, no need.
- Has he paid you already?
Hand me the money, and
I'll balance the books.
I have taken the liberty
of starting a cash box.
Petty and otherwise.
All transactions can be
recorded in here, legibly.
I sometimes dip into the
jug when I'm a bit short.
I shouldn't, really.
I assume Mr Dakin has paid you
in cash and not rhubarb jam?
I must've spent it.
Mr Farnon, what does the
good of my trying to keep
an accurate account of
the money in this practice
if you do not respect my methods?
Now there's something
else I want to discuss.
Every cancelled or rearranged
appointment costs you money.
Animals are unpredictable.
But people less so.
Your clients are extremely predictable
when it comes to paying their bills.
They're late every time.
- If they pay them at all.
- Mm.
But it's not just jam, Mr Farnon.
I have found references,
as far as I can read them,
to sausages, honey,
- a crate of beer
- This is a farming community.
Now and again, we get
gifts in lieu of fees.
How do you enter THEM in
the balance sheets? Hm?
We twiddle things about a bit.
Have you tried the jam?
If we ask the clients for a small
fee when an animal is booked in,
- just to secure the appointment
- I really don't think
we wouldn't be asking them
to pay more, just pay better,
and preferably in cash.
If you want an efficient system,
you must be prepared to accept change.
It is nothing to be afraid of.
After all, you cannot make an
omelette without breaking eggs.
- I just don't think our clients
- Mr Farnon.
It pains me to see a
man of your talents,
forward thinking, full of vigour,
be held back by antiquated practices.
I am here to help you.
We'll give it a go. A trial run.
Leave it with me. Thank you, Mr Farnon!
Oh, erm, one more thing.
I think the rat would
be better somewhere else.
I don't want to upset it him.
Oh, he's not upset. He likes company.
- I'd like more space.
- Ah! Erm
Now he's out of the way, and he
can still see what you're doing.
James, you couldn't lend
me a few bob, could you?
I'm doing a lecture for the Young
Farmers. They're a thirsty lot.
Is the pint jug empty?
Miss Harbottle's put it all in a box.
Are things not going quite as
smoothly as you planned, Siegfried?
Of course they are!
It's an excellent system.
So you're happy with
all the changes, then?
Well, why shouldn't I be?
After all, you can't make an
omelette without breaking eggs.
- Well, if it's too much trouble
- Ahem!
Thanks, old chap.
Miss Harbottle might
take some getting used to,
but I think she's just what we need.
Hector, please.
Hello, Hector. Come on in, boy.
Come in.
Veterinary said to make an appointment.
Hm. This way.
How are you, Joe?
- An appointment for
- Wilf, my ferret.
I meant your name.
- Oh.
- Mm-hm.
Joe Coney.
- Coney.
- As in rabbit.
- C-O
- Yes, thank you. I know how to spell it.
Course, it's not my real name.
- Which is?
- Joe Di Gervanacum.
Best stick with Coney, eh?
Mr Herriot said he'd be needing
a surgical appointment
with an anaesthetic.
Mm. We'll need a deposit, Mr Coney.
Half a crown, deductible
from the cost of treatment.
Well, I in't got cash,
but it's your lucky day.
I have summat much better.
Oh, good Lord.
What's the matter? Oh, you want
to meet you skin it for you?
Please would you kindly
get that thing away from me.
Mr Coney.
- You never said owt about half a crown.
- I'm sorry?
All clients must make a deposit
to receive an appointment.
Didn't Mr Farnon mention this to you?
Just book him in, and we'll
discuss the details later.
No money, no appointment.
It's all right.
I wouldn't take one if you paid me.
In veterinary practice, the
animal comes first. Always.
In my book, obedience to rules
is the mother of all success.
What's this about paying
to book an appointment?
It's just a trial.
So can I book Joe Coney's
ferret in without a deposit?
- If you must.
- Miss Harbottle says I can't.
- You see?
- Mr Dakin telephoned.
- Not Blossom again?
- A cleansing.
Oh, it's a different cow.
- So, can this wait?
- No, it can't.
Mr Farnon has a farm call.
- Mr Farnon and I were in the middle of a conversation.
- Excuse me.
Who's in charge here, you
and me or Miss Harbottle?
Oh, that is ridiculous.
We need to build trust with our
clients, not scare them away.
- We need a functioning business.
- We're not just any business.
We're vets.
If you have more blinding
insights, they'll have to wait.
Not only does she not
seem to care for animals,
she's putting them at risk.
Whatever personal animus you
may have against Miss Harbottle,
I suggest you set it aside
for the good of the practice.
This can't be what you want!
Look, we're all missing
Trist, but this, it's madness!
Look, all I'm saying is
whatever it is you're trying to fix,
Miss Harbottle is not the answer.
Hello, Blossom.
How are you?
In here!
The scar looks good. Do you
want me to take the stitches out?
Don't matter. She's off to t'knackers.
Just waiting for Jack
to come and pick her up.
Are you gonna wait around all day?
Shh, shh, shh, shh.
You've got room for a
few more calves in here.
Suckling calves need
milk. I sell all mine.
It would be an investment.
Too much work at my age,
lugging buckets of milk around.
Oh, that'll be Jack.
- This the one?
- Aye.
She must be nearly as old as you.
Don't hit her!
She'll go wherever you want,
always has done.
And shut the gate.
Now, aye, our Blossom.
Not your fault, eh?
Goodbye, old girl.
Come on, then.
I remember the night she was born.
Snow coming down hard.
I put a sack over her to keep her warm.
I picked her up, help her stand.
She never made a fuss.
She's always been a
gentle soul has Blossom.
And I wouldn't like to count
the thousands of
gallons of milk she gave.
She still gives four a day.
She don't owe me a thing.
You said suckling
calves are too much work,
but Blossom's got plenty of milk.
Put her in there by herself.
With no cows standing on
her, she'd live like royalty.
What's to do, Dakin?
Am I taking this cow or not?
No, she's staying here.
- I fear I've misled you, Mr Dakin.
- Oh.
You saw there was a problem, Mr Farnon,
and you came up with an answer.
Just wasn't the right one.
Come on, Blossom. Aye, Come on.
You going out?
Pictures. I'm late.
Is everything all right?
Miss Harbottle and I have
had a polite disagreement.
About what?
Where is he?
I insisted he stay in the warm.
Where is he?!
Sorry, old chap.
This won't do at all.
Is it a comedy?
Yeah, and it's got
Margaret Lockwood in it.
Violet creams.
You're spoiling me.
Before we go in,
there's something I wanted to say.
It's been on my mind,
and I wanted you to know.
When Ms Harbottle mistook
you for my husband
It was a simple mistake.
Well, I didn't know what to say.
I'm sorry.
You've nothing to apologise for.
Now, this is your evening off
let's make the most of it.
German guns tried to achieve
what Nazi bombers failed to do.
From the French coast, high-velocity
guns bombard our shipping.
In you go. There you are.
In you go.
Oh, you were out late.
How are the Young Farmers?
Their devotion to the
brewing industry is admirable.
The Women's Institute do lectures.
No-one gets drunk.
Good thing, too, they're
formidable enough sober.
Mrs Hall, I'd like your advice.
It could be argued that I'm not one
readily to admit when
I've made a mistake.
I've heard it said.
Miss Harbottle's convinced that
she's right about everything.
I don't think she'll
accept there's a problem.
How does one handle someone like that?
be kind.
It's not her fault
you offered her a job.
Be kind.
But be honest.
She's not daft.
Be kind, be honest.
That's exactly what I
had in mind. Thank you.
I'll speak to her tonight.
Except the longer you wait
Quite right.
Best do it now.
Be kind, be honest.
Miss Harbottle, I wanted to say
I wanted to tell you
- Miss Harbottle.
- Good morning.
I wanted to tell you
how very grateful I am
for all the work you've put in here.
You've done so much in
such a short space of time.
Thank you.
You came aboard a rudderless
vessel and steered us
between the Scylla and
Charybdis of chaos and debt.
You're too kind.
All of which is to say
Please, your embarrassing me.
In truth, I relish challenges,
and I look forward to staying
as long as the practice needs me.
Oh, and, Mr Farnon
When you have a moment
It's like some kind of sorcery.
So she doesn't know she's been let go?
- A spectacular derailment.
- What was?
He tried to give Miss
Harbottle the boot.
- You did?
- I had a Damascene moment
after you and I last spoke.
So, what went wrong?
Suaviter in modo, fortiter in re.
The iron hand in the velvet glove.
Looks like I'm treating
Wilf in The Drovers, then.
No, this is a veterinary
practice. Whatever happens,
- the animal must come first.
- So what do you suggest?
Bring the ferret in tonight after six,
when Miss Harbottle's gone home.
I'll tell Joe.
Well, he may need some persuading.
Hi, Joe.
What do you want?
You should never have been treated
like you were. I'm really sorry.
It weren't your fault.
I want to help Wilf.
Could you bring him by
the surgery just after six?
Will she be there, Miss La-di-da?
It'll just be me and
Mr Farnon, don't worry.
They'll look after
Wilf, and you as well.
There's always an ale or
two on offer at Skeldale.
- Go on, Joe. We'll come wi' you.
- Aye.
I think it would be
better if Joe came alone.
No. I'll come if we can all come.
Are you getting them in?
Top rum?
Aye. Aye.
Look after Dash for me.
Mrs Herriot.
Have you seen Mr Farnon?
Afraid not.
Hmm I was really hoping
to see him before I went.
No matter.
I'm sure I will see him tomorrow.
Good night.
Good night.
- Good night.
- Good night.
- The bird has flown.
- Thank you.
She's gone.
- Are you sure?
- I'm positive.
So, are we ready, then?
As we'll ever be.
- Eh, Wilf?
- Oh, God.
Give up.
Give up.
Oh, God, hang on.
Ah! Come on.
Ladies and gentlemen, the
first thing we're going to do
is a biopsy of the growth,
like coring an apple,
take a look, and
depending on the results,
remove the lump in some way.
A lumpectomy, so to speak.
The suffix "ectomy" is a Latin
version of the Greek "ectomia",
a cutting out of.
Right, let's get on with it.
Now that the animal is anaesthetised,
we'll shave the area around the lump
and then use this to
find out what's inside.
Depending on what we
find, we'll either drain it
or make an incision
and then scrape it
or cut it out.
- Siegfried.
- What?
Right. Help me get him out.
We know it's not an abscess.
We know it's not a cyst either.
Yes, I don't like the look of that.
Let's make sure we get it all out.
Feeling better?
Is it over? Is he all right?
It's a good job you
brought him in when you did.
Any longer, and I think we'd
have seen some metastases.
In English.
- The operation was a success.
- What operation?
I forgot to take the post.
You went behind my back.
Mr Farnon, you have
undermined my authority.
An authority I should
never have surrendered.
You, I am sorry to
say, Mr Farnon, are
disorganised, erratic and irresponsible.
And you are ignoring
the fact that we're vets.
We put animals before profits.
Your ambition and talent are
unquestioned, Miss Harbottle.
But this is not a place for you.
I'm afraid I'll have to let you go.
You can't sack me, Mr Farnon.
- Why not?
- Because I resign.
I see.
we should have left it at the foxtrot.
Here we are, Joe.
Thanks, Mr Herriot, Mr Farnon.
Let me settle up with you.
Don't worry about it, Joe.
We had a whip-round earlier.
Your mate said it was worth it
to watch you keel over
like a sack of spuds.
Are you sure?
'Cos I've half a dozen rabbits
out back if you'd rather
That's quite all right, Joe, thank you.
- Usual for you all?
- I'll get these.
The least I can do. I realise
I've made everyone's
lives a bit miserable.
Thank you, Siegfried.
I hope you're not
planning on using those.
I'll pay it back.
If not in cash, then in labour.
Hello. Hello. Hello.
- Did Uncle Herriot forget you?
- No.
Come on. Let's get you a pork pie.
Poor Siegfried.
"Carpe diem" kind of bit
him in the bum, didn't it?
I don't know.
Maybe it wasn't such a terrible idea.
- Miss Harbottle?
- No.
Carpe diem.
I've been thinking
about what you said
and I'm starting to
think that we should
carpe some diem.
Are you saying what
I think you're saying?
If you want to start a family
- You know I do.
- Me too.
Well, then
- Shall we
- Get cracking?
I was trying to think of
something a bit more romantic.
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