All Hail King Julien: Exiled (2017) s01e03 Episode Script

Iron Ted Weekend

1 - [MORT CHUCKLES] - [GROWLS] - [MORT] I'm okay! - [LAUGHS] [THEME SONG PLAYING] Party! Hold up! This is cray-cray.
The sirens captured Julien To make him food for a Tentacle While Koto works his interns Who pray for a miracle And Clover tried to train a hawk The guru's mountain too far to walk Mort's worked his way Inside the Throne By tickling Koto's funny bone And Pancho's got bad breath! It is a medical condition.
Chapter très.
And here's a selfie of me at the resort.
And here's one of me on a lounge chair at the same resort.
And here, oh, here's a selfie of me on - the cruise ship.
- Stop it.
And here's me wearing the hat, while sitting on the lounge chair, - where I found the hat.
- Stop this torture! Stop it! When I asked, "Crimson, how did you get here?", I was stalling! Though that was a pretty dope hat.
- [GROWLS] - [GASPS] So, you really plan to feed us to some horrible tentacle monster? Oh, yes, darling.
Every delicious inch of you.
Then you leave me no choice but to unleash my secret weapon.
Pancho! - Eh - I say the right words, it triggers him and he's a killing machine assassin type.
Pancho! Elliptical Schmear butter dish.
- [GASPS] - [LAUGHS] - Uh - Hmm? [SIGHS] Uh, Patent Leather Flavonoid! Hmm.
Uh Baby's Secondhand spittle cup! Tater Fried Chittlin' Grease! Flosodgate Sugar Fingers.
You don't remember the right words to trigger him, do you, King Julien? Of course, I do.
They're Nope.
Oh, too bad, Ju-Ju-bear.
- Enjoy your cage.
- [GRUNTS] Come on, girls.
Let's go prepare the feast.
[CHUCKLES] What? I can't just trigger myself.
I'm not that kinda guy! I've lost my crown.
My kingdom.
And now, I've lost the words to trigger a hardcore killing machine assassin.
[CRIES] I'm useless.
There's hope.
Ted's still out there.
He could save us.
I think Crimson completely forgot about him.
- Ted? - Who's Ted? Oh.
Oh.
[FEMALE LEMUR] Keep searching.
Queen Crimson wants the fourth one for the sacrifice as well.
[GRUNTS] [ALL GRUNTING] [GRUNTS] Oh, I can't believe Koto is going to kill all the lemurs once we finish his statue! So? What's the big deal? I say, we let Koto destroy all these losers.
Yeah, yeah.
Can we help? Or, at least watch.
[LAUGHS] No! We have a responsibility to our beloved King Julien, to save his kingdom and his peoples.
Everybody, shush! [CHUCKLES] Hi.
- [GRUNTS] - [CHUCKLES] We need a meeting with all.
Split up and spread the word.
On three.
Break.
[GRUNTS] [GRUNTS] [SCREAMS] The abode of my master stands under your feet.
- [GRUNTS] - Behold the splendor of his most sagacious Majesty, Keeper of the Secrets Eternal, Guardian of the Ultimate Weapon, Flame of Knowledge ensconced in Living Flesh.
[LAUGHING] Great! We're gonna get that Ultimate Weapon.
And then I'm gonna go back to the Kingdom and use it on Koto and all of his mountain lemurs.
[CHEERING] Yeah! Let's do this! - Patience is the fanny pack of wisdom.
- [PANTING] It can only be unzipped when the time is nigh.
- Hmm.
Hmm? - [BURPING] [SCREAMS AND GRUNTS] Oi.
Freak show.
We're looking for the Guardian of the Ultimate - Master.
- Where? - That? - [SCREAMS] [GASPS] [INHALES] [VOMITS] Good.
He likes you.
- [LAUGHS] - [GRUNTS] Oh, I hate being lost.
I just hate it! Oh, lemur up, Ted.
You are Theodore Pantskin, Assistant Captain of the Ringtail Guard.
[SCREAMS] [GRUNTS] Say now, I just killed that mean, old scorpion, like a boss! Like a beast! Like a A warrior! I wonder what else a warrior does.
A warrior makes his own fire.
[GRUNTS] Oh! As a warrior, I hunt my own food.
[GRUNTS] [LAUGHS] Burn, you naughty sticks.
Burn, you! I have created fire! [SCREAMS] A warrior was born to take action! [GRUNTS] Hmm? Yikes.
[GRUNTS] Ha! [GASPS] [GRUNTS] No, I don't wanna wear those shoes, mommy.
Kill! [PANTING] Wow! Food really does taste better when you kill it yourself.
[SLURPING] Hooty-hoo.
Hooty-hoo.
Owl noises.
Owl noises.
Dog noises.
Dog noises.
[GRUNTS] [CHUCKLES] Owl noises.
So, what you're saying is that they plan to kill us once we all finish that statue? That can't be right! And why would Mort lie to us? Because he's jealous of my Todd.
Todd! King Koto loves you, baby.
Show all these losers here what a great dance you're gonna perform for King Koto when he takes you as his rightful son and heir.
Now! Yes, mother.
[GRUNTING] Todd! Continue, little man.
We have to escape.
We gotta dig a tunnel to freedom.
Our lives depend on it.
Oh, you would not believe the weekend I'm having.
King Julien? Pancho? Butterscotch knickers, you don't think they left me, do you? Oh! [PANTING] Oh, golly! What's that? Oh! Hey, you! Get down now! Over here! Hide! [GASPING] [YELLS] I said shush now, silly man! Here they come! - Aw, sheesh, that smarts! - I'm not even touching you.
That doesn't make it right, sweetheart! [BOTH GRUNTING] Oh! Ju-Ju? Are you all right? I can't have my prime sacrifice bruised.
No, the tentacle must be satiated.
Oh, this is horrible.
Oh, you got that right, bub.
Them sirens is gonna feed your friends to a giant tentacle that lives on this here island, son.
How do you know that? Oh, cher, I make it my job to know stuff.
And I listens.
That's how come I've stayed alive this long.
Wowser.
Huh.
Hi, I'm Ted.
Snake.
They call me that on the accounts of my mustache looking like a serpent-y old snake.
Looks more like a sea cucumber, if you ask me.
Ow! Oh.
[CHUCKLES] Who's asking me? Nobody.
That's who.
Snake.
Snake.
Of course, it's a snake! Snake.
It will take teamwork.
Horst, I need you watching the south tower.
Stay focused and alert.
And, Willie, watch the guard house for any activity.
I'll make my way to the toolshed where they keep the shovels and supplies we'll need to dig to freedom.
Staying on target is everything.
Once at the shed, I'll meet up with special operatives, Masikura and Maggie the Unwashed.
They will blink through the walls and unlock the door from the inside.
I am not blinking in there if she's blinking in there.
She smells.
Not true.
[FARTS] That one just kinda slipped out.
[GASPING] Hi.
What you do out here? I, uh I came out to Is that the key to the toolshed door? Yes.
I keeper of key.
- Ooh.
- Now, why you outside the fence? [STAMMERS] Because, I wanted to find you.
I-I'm in love with you! I mean, you are a woman, right? [CHUCKLES] I am Zora.
I am all woman.
Great! Well, um, let's get right to it then! I want your freakishly large paw in marriage.
Really? That's the best you could come up with? I think it's romantical.
Get a pre-nup! Just shut up, guys.
I'm doing the best I can here.
So whaddya say, tall and muscley? You wanna get hitched? [CHUCKLES] [PURRS] I have come for the powerful weapon you are said to possess.
May I please have the weapon? [VOMITS] [GROWLS] [SNORING] "I'll just feed you to the giant tentacle as a sacrifice, Ju-ju-bear.
" But I am so young and handsome.
Look at these haunches! Perfection! [GRUNTING] [GASPING] [GRUNTS] [GROANS] [SNORES] Seeing you like this, all fattened up, awaiting sacrifice.
Oh! [YELLS] It has really stirred my feelings for you, Ju-Ju.
And that is why I want to offer you a chance to be mine again.
If you promise to be loyal and faithful to me, I won't have you sacrificed to the evil-weevil, giant tentacle.
[GRUNTS] [GRUNTS] Uh [GRUNTING] [GASPING] I don't know.
Uh, you know, this place doesn't look so bad.
- [SCREAMS] - [ROARS] Then again, not a big fan of being eaten by a tentacle monster.
I'm all yours, Crimson.
[PURRS AND CHUCKLES] [ROARS] Oh, Maraschino cherries! What was that? That, cher, is the sound of certain death.
And that is for sure, let me tell you now.
Well, that did it.
Fear-tinkled all over.
[LAUGHS AND GRUNTS] [SPITS] Snake.
If you wish hand in marriage, you must fight me to the death.
Not sure that makes a lot of sense, but okey-dokey.
How do we - [GRUNTING] - [ALL CHEERING] Stay down, little one.
[SPITS] [GROWLS AND GRUNTS] - No one ever make Zora move.
- Finish him! Finish him! Finish him! Finish him! Finish him! Finish him! Finish him! [LICKS] Finish him! Fin [SCREAMS] [GRUNTS] [GRUNTS] Uh, excuse me? Master Whatever your name is.
Can I just have the ultimate weapon? So, we can just We can leave.
Weapon? Save my king's kingdom? The Great and All Knowing Master likes it if you say, "please.
" Huh.
Right.
[STAMMERS] Okay.
Please? Please.
There.
Said it twice, so weapon? [VOMITS] He must really like you.
I studied for 10 years with him before he flung mud at me.
Lucky.
[TRIBAL MUSIC PLAYING] Oh, giant tentacle Come you naughty beast Come and have a naughty feast Feast and free us from all fear Leave us alone another year [BOTH GRUNTING] If any of you girls have a problem with me, your Queen, keeping this one as my schmookie-bear-lemur-boy, then speak up now, or zip it.
I didn't think so.
[CHOMPS] Um Crimson, my one and only.
My love.
My dove? Yes, angel-lashes? Isn't there some other way? I mean, we don't have to sacrifice Pancho and Maurice, do we? If we don't feed it, it eats us.
And, I simply can't have that.
Kick it up a notch, girls! Oh, giant tentacle Don't make a fuss If you do eat someone else You're not eating us Come eat Maurice He is all that Come eat Maurice He's all chunky and fat - You gotta be kidding me! - [GASPS] My friends, a bunch of sacrifices? Somebody's gotta do something.
Don't look at me like that, Snake.
Look at you like what, cher? Like that.
Oh, I don't rightly know what you're talkin' bout, Ted.
Oh, Snake, you do so! You're trying to get me to take on that tentacle! Them's your words, Teddy bear.
Not mine.
Okay, I'm getting really uncomfortable here.
I feel so alive.
You feel that way, too? Oh, sure.
Probably 'cause I got gas.
[BURPS] You melt heart, Mort.
Melt it.
Zora? My sweet? My little cabbage? My egg with eyes? Oh, Mort, I want to cuddle.
- [GRUNTS] - [SNORES] Forgive me, darling.
[PANTING] Now we have all the tools we need to dig to freedom.
[LAUGHS] What you're saying is, to get him to stop acting like [GRUNTING] that, all I need to do is be more patient with him? Affirmation of the pony to the unicorn is a bowing curtsy of horn kisses.
You could just say yes, Sage.
Yes, Sage.
Okay.
Okay.
I will try.
No.
That's okay, little fella.
I don't want any of your dirt or your mud or whatever that is.
What I do want, is-is a way to help my king, remember him? King Julien? Yeah? So, I swore an oath to protect and serve him.
And I failed.
I just want a chance to make it right.
To recapture his kingdom for him.
So, if you have a special weapon that could help me, I would be extremely grateful if you [ALL GASPING] [VOMITS] Oi, I came all this way for a weapon and I want that weapon! - [GRUNTS] - [YELLS] So much violence.
What can a lemur do against such reckless hate? - [PANTING] - Rage is the voice of the sun when burned by the tears of an angry moonbeam.
Now is not the time for one of your nonsense lines, Sage.
Sage? - Clover.
- [GASPS] The Jarsh-Jarsh has been testing you as the leaf is tested by falling too near the outhouse.
The Jarsh-Jarsh sees your anger.
But now, the test is over.
You have failed.
The Jarsh-Jarsh cannot give you the weapon you seek.
Then, I have truly lost.
Stop! Stop the music! You are not sacrificing my friends! At least, not without sacrificing me.
[GRUNTING] What? - [GRUNTING] - Okay, so it's not a great plan.
But at least if I'm going out, I'm going out alongside my friends.
[ROARS] Fine.
If that's the way you want it, Ju-Ju.
That is the way you shall have it.
Bring me the ritual feast, that I may commence the sacrifice! Dinner is served! [CHANTING] Tentacle, tentacle, tentacle, feast, feast, feast.
Tentacle, tentacle, tentacle, feast, feast, feast.
Tentacle, tentacle, tentacle, feast, feast, feast.
[ROARS] As the beast shall feast, so shall I.
Crimson, Queen of Siren Island! [CHUCKLES] Snap! They got Ted.
Oh, the heck they did, Your Majesty! I came to chew honey cakes and kick butt! And, I'm all outta honey cakes! 'Cause, I ate 'em.
I can't control myself when they're around.
Right, it's warrior time! - [ALL GASPING] - [GRUNTING] [GRUNTING] Ow! - [GROWLING] - [GRUNTS] [ROARS] [SPITS] Oh, sheesh.
It's got suckers.
Hold still, Pancho! Take that, missy.
And that, too-much-makeup girl! Chips and dip! Gotta save King Julien! I'll get that spear, y'all.
Snake! Alley-oop! - Take that, you naughty beast! - [SCREAMING] Oh, you are one nasty boy! Oh, get those suckers off of me! Oh, that is it! Get fresh with me, will you! I don't think so! Take that! And that as well! [GRUNTS] Okay, look.
I'm gonna let you live.
- [GASPS] - But, you owe me, Mr.
Tentacle.
From now on, you are vegetarian.
Full vegan.
You big silly! Wow! Ted! Gotta say, that was some sick twisted action makajalaka.
Inspiring! I mean, if you can find the courage to fight like that, we all can.
I can! Thanks, King J.
Truth is, I couldn't have done it without my friend, Snake.
He was with me the whole time.
You guys need to meet him.
Snake? Where'd he get to? Uh, Ted, there's nobody there, man.
Just you.
There wasn't anybody else.
Trust fall! Catch me, Snake! [GRUNTS] [YELLS] Really need you to spot me here, Snake.
Snake! Alley-oop! You mean, I was the hero of my own story? The man inside of me was me all along? [GRUNTS] [SIGHS] With the tentacle monster defeated, no one has to be sacrificed anymore.
You can stay, Schmookie bear, and live in paradise forever with me as your lady love.
Crimson, as tempting as it is to stay on an island full of beautiful lemur ladies Aw, yeah! Lemur ladies, here I come! I have to say no.
What'd ya say? What? I now know that my kingdom and my people are more important than my own life.
I have to fight for my kingdom and take it back, no matter what! We're leaving.
Looks like you ladies lost.
We're going home.
[GRUNTS] [GRUNTS] [YELLS] Snake.
Hmm? [ROCK MUSIC PLAYING] Some stuff is going down Unleash the beast Punching all these clowns Unleash the beast Savin' our hometown Unleash the beast Unleash the beast Unleash, unleash the beast Unleash, unleash, unleash the beast Unleash, unleash the beast Unleash the beast Yeah!