All Hail King Julien: Exiled (2017) s01e05 Episode Script

Raiders of the Lord Shark

1 - [MORT CHUCKLES] - [GROWLS] - [MORT] I'm okay! - [LAUGHS] [THEME SONG PLAYING] Party [JULIEN] Lots of crazy stuff happenin'.
Julien and the boys Went down in a big submarine And bravely fought off sharks But turns out they weren't mean Clover and Sage found a map To lead to their destiny Mort produced a play To set the captives free And Brodney was the lead [MORT] Make up gives me eczema.
[JULIEN] Chapter cinque.
[SHARK 1] Oh, boy.
Please don't be afraid.
We need your help.
[ALL EXCLAIM IN FEAR] It's a trick.
I'm not going out as fish food.
I'll take a flame thrower to this ocean.
Ted, can you please shut Pancho up so I can think for once? Very funny, K Hey.
Oh! Okay, okay.
First things first.
How is it that we can understand you? I mean, usually, all you guys sound like is like [MAKES GROWLING SOUNDS] Gotcha! [BLOWS AIR] With the blow holes and everything.
Only above the water.
Underwater, we can talk just like everyone else.
Yes, that makes perfect sense.
[STAMMERS] You said you need our help? Yes.
Lord Shark has been captured.
Captured? - [PANCHO] Oh, jeez, it hurts! - By whom? The dolphins.
Stupid dolphins! Yeah, hate those dolphins.
Mo-Mo, is it me, or are these sharks kind of dorks? Aren't dolphins the good guys and sharks supposed to be The villains? Dolphin propaganda.
It started years ago.
For too long, we've shared the sea with inferior fish.
- Ugh! - [SCREAMS] This whole sea sucks.
It's time for action.
Jolly good, Trent.
Let's start with crabs.
Pointless creatures.
We'll get to the crabs, Kipper.
But first, let's talk about sharks.
[ALL LAUGHING] They called their plan "The Aquatic Solution.
" The first thing they did, was they framed sharks for murder.
Ow! Dude, stop yanking on my leg.
Dude, that wasn't me.
Rawr! [LEMURS CLAMORING] [DOLPHINS LAUGHING] And now they moved on to the next phase, selling all sea life except dolphins to Russian oligarchs for their home aquariums.
[RUSSIAN OPERATIC MUSIC PLAYING] Lord Shark is our leader.
We know what happened to you, King Julien.
Help us rescue him and we'll help you regain your kingdom.
No offense, but you guys are kind of useless on land.
I mean, what are you gonna do? Flop all over the Mountain Lemurs? Ted, please! [COUGHING] Shut up.
Tell us more about this thing you call "help.
" We know of an army of warriors not far from here.
We'll take you to them once Lord Shark is safe.
[PANCHO SHOUTS] Lies! Dolphins are sweet and lovable.
They jump through hoops of fire and whatnot.
- Sharks are killers.
- [SNAPS FINGERS] [SCREAMING] Oh! My own army, Maurice.
We could defeat Koto.
Or Pancho is right and this is a trick.
Maybe we should come up with a backup plan.
Yeah, that sounds like it would take a lot of time, and I'm kind of in a hurry.
So, yoo-hoo! - We're in.
- [PANCHO] Mother! Mommy.
[COUGHS] It's dusty in here.
Just stay behind me, baby, and inhale Mama's wind.
Mort! So help me, if Todd's golden throat is damaged in any way Look.
A light.
Huh? [STRAINING] Oof! Butterfish.
Help me.
My thighs are caught.
Todd, help me give your momma a hand.
[MORT] We did it, everyone.
We're free.
Now we can help King Julien.
Boy, that Koto sure - turned out to be - [CLEARS THROAT] - Hmm? - [CHUCKLES] - [MORT] Hi.
- Take them.
[ALL GASP] How the heck did they find us so fast? Simple, there was a traitor in your midst.
[LAUGHS] You were King Julien's friend.
It's called "survival," you unwashed yeti.
As in, mine, not yours.
The Crocodile Ambassador and I have made a deal.
I give his kingdom its freedom and, in exchange, I get the support of his army and the hand of the Crocodile Princess in marriage.
I just adore young love.
Amy! Come out here, sweetheart.
Hey, Koto.
'Sup? Ugh! Dad, this tiara is too small.
I have so much hate in my heart right now for you.
- [EXCLAIMS IN PAIN] - I hate you! Forever! I'll take care of that right away, angel.
[WHIMPERS] [THINKING] You have to do something, Mordecai.
There's nothing we can do.
Koto is too powerful.
I'd like to see how powerful he is when I chew through his Achilles' heel.
Yummy! [EXCLAIMS] Oh! It can't end this way.
Brodney, think fast! [FARTS] [ALL CLAMORING] Everyone scatter! Right.
According to the map Jarsh-Jarsh gave us, the ultimate weapon we seek is through this cave.
- [GRUNTS] - [SQUEAKING IN DISTANCE] Did you hear that? You mean time clicking toward the destiny of our mortality? I hear it constantly.
- No, that! - [SQUEAKING] [SQUEAKING] Spiders riding bats.
Not cool.
Cowboy Ted is riding this range.
These aren't horses, Ted.
And we aren't on a range.
Won't matter when we're eaten.
I'm on a shark, here! I'm on a shark! Will you shut it, you thick-wits? We're getting close.
How could anything with teeth like that be called a lord? It's called a night guard.
Look it up, bro.
- [GROWLS] - [LAUGHING] I hear they eat trash.
Oh, Kipper.
"Raised by trash" is more like it, bro.
[LAUGHING] Lord Shark's parents are good people.
Ugh! Stupid dolphins! Gonna have to agree, the dolphins are jerks.
What's the plan, King J? Drain the ocean? Cut off their air supply? Uh, excuse me, that would kill us, too.
And your point is? No one's cutting off anyone's air.
Okay, here's the sitch.
We're gonna pull off a heist.
Oh! Can I be the seasoned gentleman thief dragged back into my life of crime? Can I have a limp? [EXCLAIMS IN PAIN] What do you know about pulling off heists? Have you forgotten so quickly the true crime magazines I found in Junk Harbor? I totally know how to speak criminal, dude.
[GRUMBLES] True crime, my fuzzy armpit.
[JULIEN] But before we can pull it off, I need one more member on the team.
Seize them! Seize them all! Just one more sip! My beverage! Butterfish, help me! Man, hang on.
You guys still serving dinner? Todd! [TODD] Coming, Mother.
- [GROWLS] - [SCREAMING IN PAIN] Oh, what am I going to do? My King Julien needs me.
Ow! Hm? [MORT SHOUTING IN PANIC] - [KISSES] - Zora, where is the fool, Mort? Apparently, he was the ringleader of this pathetic escape.
I [HESITATES] I don't know, my king.
[STAMMERS] Well, find him and kill him.
- I want these interns to see - [WHIMPERING] what happens when they defy my will.
[PANTING] Tracks lead this way.
I have to hide.
- [ELECTRICITY BUZZING] - [EXCLAIMS] [WHIMPERING] [MORT EXCLAIMING IN AWE] [MORT] Where am I? [GRAMMY MORT] Looks like you finally went down the wishing well, Mordecai.
[MORT] Grammy Mort? Why am I here? And why do I look like this? [GRAMMY MORT] You wanted to hide.
This is your home now.
This is the real you.
- [MORT] No! Let me out of this place! - [GRAMMY MORT LAUGHING] And stop flashing that light in my eyes, you crazy old woman! [GRAMMY MORT] Where you going, Mort? You'll never defeat Koto.
[ECHOING] Don't you wanna hide with Grammy? [LAUGHING] [GRUNTS] No, Grammy.
I don't want to hide.
I want to fight.
Hi-yah! [GRUNTS] Get off me! Gross.
[RETCHES] Ah! Sage, where are you? Thank you, my friends, for the honor of being your nourishment.
Are you out of your mind? These things wanna eat you! Yes.
They have also promised to lay their eggs in my lifeless husk.
I feel so blessed.
[QUAVERING] Grrr Come on, let's get out of here before anything else - [EXCLAIMS] Ah! - [RUMBLING] happens.
[BOTH SCREAMING] King Julien, are you sure about this? You know what's down there.
If we want to rescue Lord Shark and get ourselves an army, we need what's in that hole.
Once again, I think a backup plan would [SCREAMS] Sorry, Maurice.
Gonna have to speak faster.
I'm on a timetable here.
Right behind you, though.
[CHUCKLES] Now, remember, if I need your help, I will ask for it.
- Can't we talk about this? - Talk? Ow! He's a deadly tentacle! Ah! They suck and ooze, they don't talk! [TENTACLE GROWLING LOUDLY] - [JULIEN GRUNTS IN PAIN] - [TENTACLE] I can talk.
[BOTH GASP] Just because my mouth is on my posterior pod doesn't mean I can't talk.
Uh, duh! Of course.
Why would you say something so mean, Maurice? [MAURICE STAMMERING] Uh So, we got off to kind of a bad start before, with the whole sacrifice thing, but I was wondering No.
That mean guy already made me a vegetarian.
Haven't you done enough? Your Majesty, let's go.
What, Maurice? You think Tentacle is hiding something? Don't antagonize him! I'm probing for weakness.
It's a heist thing.
Oof! [TENTACLE] I'm not hiding from anything.
You've been talking to my dad? Bingo! Daddy issues.
We're in.
Hey, buddy, I know how you feel.
There's this guy, Koto, not my dad, but he made me want to hide, too.
[TENTACLE] 'Cause you wouldn't play sports? [SCOFFS] He imprisoned my kingdom and tried to feed me to a snake.
So, yeah.
[TENTACLE] Sports was all my dad ever cared about.
[PAPA] Boy, I want you to give it a good whack.
Papa, I don't wanna play sports.
I wanna express emotions with words.
I wanna be a lyrical troubadour.
A poet.
I raised you to absorb the flesh of the weak and play ball, Tentacle.
- Think fast.
- Ow! I wanna be a poet.
You're not gonna stop me.
Can't feed a family of tentacles on dreams.
You're a failure, Tentacle! [ECHOING] Failure! I ran away that night.
Left my planet and settled here.
I did not see that backstory coming.
Nice probing, Your Majesty.
T-man, I'm sorry you were so lame growing up.
I know what's it like to have to prove yourself.
Kind of the reason I'm here.
I'd like to help you prove to your dad that you are not a failure.
Are you gonna publish my poetry? [LAUGHS] Let's not push it, you know.
Huh! I'm talking about helping me get my kingdom back.
Tentacle, how would you like to be a criminal? [GRUNTS] Let's do this.
[UPBEAT INSTRUMENTAL ROCK MUSIC PLAYING] [SNIFFS] Phew! Let's see those Mountain Lemurs get past this gauntlet of psycho.
Ow! [GROANS] [TUMMY RUMBLING] [SIGHS] I feel so rested.
He wasn't giving us shelter, Sage.
[STRAINING] He was trying to eat us.
[GROWLING] Huh? So, [STRAINING] to recap, while following this map, we've been attacked and cocooned by spiders riding bats, fallen down a bottomless pit, and eaten by a crocodile.
You know what I think? That this day couldn't get any better? No! I think there is no ultimate weapon.
Patience, Clover.
The Jarsh-Jarsh sees 40 steps ahead on an escalator with only 12 floors.
Argh! Your mentor is trying to kill us! I'm sorry, but I'm gonna need more proof than that.
[GROWLING] This proof enough for ya? Okay, check it.
This heist is gonna be old-school.
No one wants to end up in nippers.
- Know what I'm sayin', Ted? - I do not, sir.
Obviously, with a knock-over, we don't want no Chicago overcoats.
Anything seems Perry, I wanna know.
Don't jerk a nod.
Is the king having some sort of a stroke? King Julien, no one knows what you're saying.
What the heck's a nipper anyway? Okay, fine.
We're gonna distract the dolphins and break Lord Shark out of the cage while they aren't looking.
Better? Commander Clueless here, Your Majesty.
How exactly are we gonna distract the dolphins? With our secret weapon.
Come on out, buddy.
[LEMURS SCREAMING IN FEAR] Oh, golly! Not a fan! Another tentacle! [CRYING] [ALL CLAMORING] Sorry I'm late.
What did I miss? King Julien, I'm coming.
Let Mort heal you.
[EXCLAIMS] What? - Mort, it's okay.
- [MORT PANTING] You're safe.
I found you and brought you here.
I was afraid you were dead.
These are such dark times.
Where are we? You're in the time-share I split with a bush baby.
I come here after awards season to decompress.
The bush baby never comes in the off-season, so I knew it'd be empty.
I can't stay here.
I need to help King Julien.
I wouldn't.
The jungle is crawling with Mountain Lemurs.
- [GASPS] - You're safe here.
I figured you'd need to clean up, so I made you a bubble bath.
No thanks, not thirsty.
[LAUGHING] Such a wit.
Whatever, bird lady.
Kind of out here in the middle of nowhere.
Sometimes, nowhere is the safest place to be.
- [UPBEAT POP MUSIC PLAYING] - Darling - Never ever leave me - Huh? [STEALTHY INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING] Hey, where's Pancho? Special assignment.
He'll rendezvous later.
[DOLPHIN LAUGHING] [TENTACLE] Rawr! If you're looking for a handout, old boy, the answer is no.
Get a real job, you dissident.
- It's working, they're distracted.
- [ALL LAUGHING] Keep it down, shark nerds.
It's heist time.
So, you're telling us you're not useless sea trash, but actually an alien life form that writes poetry? From the looks of him, I'm guessing his poetry sucks.
Why are you guys so mean? Duh.
We're dolphins.
[ALL LAUGHING] [PAPA] I want you to give it a good whack.
[DOLPHIN] Get a real job, you dissident.
[TENTACLE] Hiding something? [DOLPHIN] From the looks of him, I'm guessing his poetry sucks.
[ECHOING] [EXCLAIMING] What's the hold-up, Ted? Oh, the darn seawater's making my fingers swell.
Ugh! They're like unwieldy sausages, King Julien.
Better hurry.
Tentacle looks like he's in trouble out there.
We're not blowing my first heist.
Ted, out! Ned, tap in and bite that lock off, buddy.
You know, I bet our Russian friends would buy him.
His suckers would make wonderful cold weather hats.
[LAUGHING] You guys remind me of my dad.
[TENTACLE SCREAMING] Trent, barbarians at the gate.
[STRAINING] [EXCLAIMS] I got the lock.
[SHARKS LAUGHING] Geek-splosion later.
Ted, get the crate open.
King Julien, look! [DOLPHINS CLICKING] - [SHARKS CLAMORING] - No! Just another second! [SHARKS SCREAMING] [XIXI] And this is me covering my first celebrity wedding.
Wow, this is so fascinating.
Not really, but I gotta go! Wait.
Mort, what's your hurry? Look, Xixi, I get it.
You dig me.
Probably because of my natural secretions.
Scientists think it's some unclassified pheromone.
Maybe alien, I don't know.
I just thought with everything going on out there, the safest place might be here with me.
My King Julien needs me.
Until I've gotten his kingdom back, there is no safe place.
Wait, don't! - [GASPS] Oh! - Well, lookie here.
Think you forgot your curtain call, mate.
How could you? I'm sorry, Mort.
Koto promised to give me a new show.
Get him! Whoa! [SCREAMING] [PANTING] [SCREAMS] Ow! [EXCLAIMS IN PAIN] [EXCLAIMS IN FEAR] Don't lose him again, you skrogs, or Koto will have your hide.
I'm sorry, my King Julien, I've failed.
Grrr - [GRUNTING IN PAIN] - That is it! I am done! I have wasted enough time on you, that map, and any hope your mud-loving mentor could ever - We found it.
- We, what? Found it? The ultimate weapon? Where? Through those trees.
Through those trees, eh? And into the stomach of a horrible creature that wants to predigest us and feed us to its young.
Is that where it is? [SCOFFS] I've been predigested before.
This feels different.
[SIGHS] Fine.
How much worse could it [GASPS] I don't believe it.
The ultimate weapon.
This is happening.
[ENCHANTING MUSIC PLAYING] I'm sorry I lost my temper, King Julien.
They were just so mean.
Dad was right.
I'm a failure.
Hey, you are not a failure.
You did something really brave, Tentacle.
But I blew it.
No, I blew it is what I wanted the dolphins to think! [LAUGHING] You can come out now, there's no sign of the dolphins! [EVERYONE] Lord Shark? Pancho? King Julien, how? A little something I like to call "a backup plan.
" [JULIEN] Just in case we had trouble with the heist, Ted, I had Pancho return to the sub to retrieve one of the warheads.
If the dolphins caught us, I instructed Pancho to free Lord Shark himself, and replace him with the warhead, which weighs roughly the same amount.
When the dolphins returned, they had no idea they'd been duped.
In the true crime criminal speak, they call that the "old switcheroo.
" No one calls it that.
Don't you think you could have maybe, I don't know, told the other guys on your heist team what the plan was? Uh You would think.
Man, I love it when a plan comes together.
So, [SNIFFLING] I'm not a failure? No, you are not, Tentacle.
Right now, the dolphins are on their way to sell a warhead to the Russians, instead of Lord Shark.
[LAUGHS] That's a big win, and it couldn't have happened without you.
Now, where's my army? [GASPS] Gah! Monkeys? [ALL CHATTERING] This is the army you promised me? Argh! No.
No way.
Where are you going? [SHOUTS] Get back here! This wasn't the deal! We saved your leader! I told you we couldn't trust those sharks.
But does anyone ever listen to the felon? No! ["DARLING, NEVER EVER LEAVE ME" PLAYING]