Ally Mcbeal s05e20 Episode Script

What I'll Never Do for Love Again

Can't we start without her? You've run meetings before, Richard.
- She'll be here.
- Maybe she's too crushed about Victor.
Maybe she's jumped out a window or took pills or sucked an exhaust pipe.
Endless possibilities.
Is it normal for this waif to stop the trains? You have no idea.
Sorry I'm late, everybody.
I had a meeting with the caterer regarding my birthday party which you're all invited to.
The big 32.
You're throwing yourself a party? - Yes.
- I thought you hated your birthday.
- Well.
- The idea of growing so old Upon consideration, I decided it was festive.
Plan your outfits accordingly.
- Who planned that one? - I did, Morgan.
- Don't you like it? - I do.
I love it.
I have this thing about sucking on navels.
I shouldn't admit that in a group.
No, I have a navel.
Has anyone ever given you a butterfly, Ally? Well, as a kid, I used to chase monarchs.
Not a real butterfly.
I mean when someone takes the tip of their tongue actually, the tip of the tip and flutters it inside your navel.
You know, right on the spot.
Maybe I'll give you a butterfly for your birthday.
I've turned innies into outies.
If you're interested.
I've been down this road All of Me Walking the line That's painted by pride And I have made mistakes in my life That Ijust can't hide Oh, I believe I am ready For what love has to bring I got myself together Now I'm ready to sing I've been searching my soul tonight I know there's so much more to life Now I know I can shine the light To fiind my way back home Baby I own a small chain of women's wear stores.
That's very nice.
Basically, the fashion scene, you're staring at women's bodies all day.
That's what I do.
It's Richard, right? - Yes.
- I'm sure some people find you cute.
Well, yeah.
But since I'm paying for this meeting, let me talk, okay? Ouch.
Legally, I'm married to a man named Steven Green.
I want a divorce.
- He claims I'm not competent to do so.
- On what grounds? I don't know.
I'm not myself.
Does it really matter? Helena, it would be wrong to think you can out-bitch me.
He doesn't think I'm of sound mind.
I like him, but I don't love him anymore.
If I stay married, I'll go as crazy as he says I am.
- I want to file today.
- Done.
Here's the file.
It contains my marriage certificate, statement of domicile.
I've included my financial statement, though it's not about money.
Send me a copy of the draft.
I'll red-line it and get it back to you.
Oh, uh - Did I mention that I have a navel? - Richard? - We're sort of an item now.
- Well That means I have to train you.
And when you're naughty Give me your wrist.
Bad boyfriend.
- Are you okay? - What? Oh.
Is something wrong? I'm sorry.
Are we friends? Well, I've never met you before, but you seem quite nice.
Where am I? What is this place? Well, you're in a law firm.
More specifically, you're in the bathroom.
Oh, God.
I think I might need some help.
There's a woman, and she's trying to ruin my marriage.
I'm afraid- I think she might be seeing a lawyer to do so.
Okay, well, how is she trying to ruin your marriage? By taking me over.
I beg your pardon? I have an alter.
Her name is Helena.
I'm Helen.
She's the one trying to destroy me.
- So this Helena- - We both occupy the same body.
- Hey, Helena.
Still here? - Who are you? What? That's funny.
Richard, did a woman named Helena come in to see you today? Yeah.
- No, no.
This is not Helena.
- Yeah.
This is Helen.
What are you talking about? Excuse me, big woman.
I'd go around you, but my little legs get tired.
Please move.
I do not respond to "big woman.
" I go by Claire Otoms.
Liza? We got a problem.
Our client Helena has a split personality.
- What? - Ally's got her.
- Okay.
What's going on here? - Helen's asked me to represent her.
I like nuts.
Assuming she is one.
- Shut up.
- Where do you work? - I'm a housewife.
- See? She seems nice.
- You don't own a clothing chain? - Well, Helena does.
Well, Helena hired us.
Well, Helen is her real identity.
And she hired me.
Who the hell are you? You don't know me? - Has Helen been here? - Yeah.
We're all up to speed then.
I have another persona.
Disregard it.
I want divorce papers filed.
I apologize for the confusion.
Whoever you are.
It's so weird.
Why, why, why, Delilah? Why, why, why, Delilah? I could see she was meant for me - Por qué? - Por qué? Buenos dias, Panchita.
The band sings Tom Jones now? After the Kingston Trio, branching out - John, I need you.
- Oh, Ally.
I know that we promised we wouldn't bother you unless- But we have this case that is beyond all of us.
It's a split personality, and part of her, Helena, wants a divorce.
And the other part, Helen, doesn't.
And - It's crazy.
- Who hired you? Both of them.
We're in court today, and only you can handle this.
- Well, no.
Try Liza.
- No.
Helena hired Liza, and Helen hired me, and I need you.
A split personality? She's a sweet woman, who's being overtaken by her overbearing side.
That happens to all of us.
I called the husband.
He'll be in the office at 2.
Please, I just need you back this one last time.
What's new, pussycat? Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh Ally? Ally? Are you okay? - I heard about you and Victor.
- No, yes, I'm fine.
If there's anything I can do Well, if you can just help me with this case.
Otherwise, I'm fine.
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh Did you know she wanted a divorce? I know Helena does.
It's been over a year since I've even seen Helen.
- These poems are beautiful.
- Helen wrote them.
Helena reads them nightly.
She loves Helen's writing.
Does Helena write? Never.
I might introduce them.
Now, this doctor treating her? - He's driving back from Springfield.
- We should go.
Steven, you can't win.
Don't address my client.
- I thought Helen was your client.
- She is as well.
- May I speak with her? - No! Let's go.
What do you mean she's two people? She has an identity disorder.
As Helen, she's in love with this man.
- As Helena, she wants a divorce.
One person or two Helena Green retained Cage, Fish and McBeal to represent her.
We can't also represent the opposition.
It's a conflict of interest.
Ordinarily, I'd agree.
But Helen almost never emerges.
She did with Ms.
McBeal, which makes her the only attorney of choice.
Helen is the one of record married.
Helena has no standing for divorce.
Earth to square pants.
Helena has to live with him.
Helen's never around.
Helena won't let her out.
And I object to the square pants reference.
He watches SpongeBob, judge.
Who the hell is "SpongeBob"? Her psychiatrist is returning today.
We can get him in here to explain.
- That's Helen's doctor.
Not mine.
- Where's Helen? Helen occupied this body, until Helena usurped her.
Saved her.
I want to hear from this doctor first thing after lunch.
Meanwhile, I suggest you all try to work this out.
Why are you fighting this? - Because I want Helen back, and if- - Helen has left the building.
Helen is in there, and I don't want to lose her.
- Helen, can I talk to you? - Go away.
Helen? Ally? - My God.
Honey? - Hi! I would ask that your client stop hugging mine.
It's Helen, and you know it.
What's going on? What is she doing now? She's trying to divorce us.
- Can we stop her? - Everything's fine.
When she's agitated or scared, Helena takes over.
Boo! - Richard.
- Damn it, anyway.
You won't let her split us up, will you? Promise me.
I won't let you go.
I promise.
I have missed you so much.
Helen is gone, Steven.
- Oh, God.
- No Helen.
- Helen? - Helen no mas.
- Come back.
- I'm late for lunch.
Come back! In love with me? - I told you that last week.
- You said you were falling for me.
- You don't wanna be in love with me.
- Why? I'm not- What is that word? - Nice.
- Yes, you are.
That mean, cold thing you do, that's just a game you play to get ahead.
You got a little Helen/Helena thing.
Except, deep down, you're like Helen.
Ew! That is a horrible thing to say! I could say worse.
Even deeper down, you'll make a wonderful mother.
- We need to get back to court.
- Well, I- Now! Liza? Liza? Helen created Helena.
Helen was weak, so she devised Helena.
It's what's known as dissociative identity disorder.
- How does one treat this, doctor? - With therapy.
We try to integrate the two personalities.
And this was working until Once Helena took over, she stopped therapy.
She wanted no part of Helen.
And without the therapy, is there any way to get Helen back? Well, it's radical and not the recommended course of treatment but there's a drug, risperidone.
It's an antipsychotic.
It could work.
The problem: Helena won't take the drug.
She knows it could extinguish her.
You said Helen had to create Helena.
Is that correct? - Yes.
- Because Helen was unsuccessful personally and professionally.
She functions better as Helena.
- Yes.
- Her self-esteem is better as Helena.
- Yes, but- - She's happier, in her own words - and yours.
- She's more optimistic as Helena.
Who would you consider the core being to be today? - Probably Helena.
- Who is healthier? - Mental health's difficult to quantify.
- Physical health, then.
- Is one physically healthier? - Well- Doesn't Helen have a higher risk of diabetes? Her blood sugar's higher.
She has two different blood-sugar counts? Each personality has its own physical symptomatologies.
Helen is at risk of developing diabetes.
Helena's not.
Thank you, doctor.
- You want me off the case? - I try cases better solo.
It's how I'm used to doing things.
You're distracting me.
- How? - It doesn't matter.
I want you off.
You've been acting strange ever since I said I was falling for you.
Do you know how many men fall in love with me? - How many call you nice? - Stop.
You're a nice, kindhearted person.
Why is that so difficult to hear? I don't like it when people see both sides of me.
I feel naked.
- Well.
- And don't look at me like that.
Liza Love is about being both soft and hard.
Like a penis.
If you're not willing- Look at Helen.
The meek don't inherit.
The meek get trampled.
It really upsets you.
I see both sides of you.
I like both sides.
I just want you to see me as a lawyer and a sexual object.
Could you? We're not having sex.
Then look at me like you really want to, and nothing more.
Helena seems competent.
So to get you appointed guardian it doesn't help that Helena's in the courtroom and Helen's not.
That's why she created Helena.
- Confrontation intimidates her.
- But the judge hasn't seen Helen.
And that's a problem for us.
I promised the sitter that I'd be home at 10, so Wilson? Your client wants to talk to you.
Excuse me? She's in my office.
- Helen? - Hello.
Hi! Hey, baby.
How we doing? Mr.
Cage doesn't think so well.
Helen, as I was explaining to your husband, one of your problems is it's Helena who goes to court, and the judge needs to hear from you.
- Oh.
- That means you need to stay with us.
I'm trying.
Culbert spoke of medication.
It acts quickly.
Would you try that? If it'll cure me.
I just want my life back.
Would you take her home tonight? Me? For some reason, she's Helen with you.
At home, Helena has taken over.
But we need to bring Helen to court tomorrow.
I'm so sorry, Steven.
I'm sorry.
I just want our life back.
I know.
I know.
And do we care for sprinkles? No, no, no.
Just frosting will be fine.
All right.
And do we want the full 35 candles on top? That's funny.
That's funny.
She has your delicate face.
I'd love to do a watercolor of you two.
You paint? It's been over a year since I have, so I'm probably a little rusty.
There's something so angelic about her.
Well, don't be fooled.
Steven and I so want children.
Twice I've been pregnant, and both times Helena took care of it.
- What do you mean she-? - No, we'll talk about it later.
I can't blame her.
She runs this mini fashion empire, and she can't really work and be a mother.
She'll come out tomorrow in court.
I don't survive places like that.
That's when Helena just comes running to the rescue.
Helen, I'm gonna be there with you.
And I promise that it'll be very safe.
You just need to stay focused on me and we'll get through it.
We will.
At first, I needed Helena.
The doctors, they said I was borderline agoraphobic.
And it was Helena that got me out the door.
I probably wouldn't have met Steven but for Helena.
So, at some point, Helena was really part of you? Yes.
And it worked.
I kind of became her when I needed to be.
Like work.
I was Helena by day and Helen by night.
It actually seemed a healthy balance in a strange sort of way.
And then I started having blackouts and memory lapses that lasted for days, and I was told the things that I said and did, and I knew it wasn't me.
It was her.
As I understand, the personalities used to be integrated a little - and now it's either one or the other? - That's correct.
And having your choice of being you or Helena? I love being Helen, and I love being in love with my husband as Helen.
But I realize that I'm happier and healthier as Helena.
You- You would rather be Helena? I'm so sorry, Steven.
Your Honor, if I may approach? Would you read this, please? Just the first three lines.
My eyes are bothering me.
Your Honor, this is Helena pretending to be Helen.
- Objection! - Sustained.
Helena is farsighted.
Helen would be able to read this.
- That's ridiculous.
- Really? - Where'd you go last night? - I went home.
You stayed at Ally's.
Helena is lying under oath.
Let the record reflect the character of Helena that she'd try to pass herself off- Is this who we want the court to protect? Objection! Let me tell you something.
Ma'am? - No, no.
I'd like to answer that.
You think this is easy? Is it your impression I'm having fun? One second I'm in a law office, and the next I'm in a courtroom with no memory of how I got here.
This isn't easy.
It's never been easy.
And I won't have you attack my character, or judge me- She has no friends.
No social skills.
She was dysfunctional.
She's a wonderful person.
Steven, you're a fine man.
But I have a life here.
Why won't you let me live it? There's a reason I've become what I am.
Do you have anything else, Mr.
Cage? No.
May I be heard? Um.
Well, who are you? I'm Helen.
I'm sorry.
But she just said she didn't want to be attacked or judged, and then she judged me.
- You heard what she said? - I heard some of it.
And I have a life too.
I may not be very prolific professionally.
But I have my poetry.
And my painting.
And my husband.
I have a very rich life.
And I won't apologize for it.
She has no right to take it away from me.
No right.
Hi! Can you believe that, Ally? I actually stood up for myself.
In court.
Yes, you did.
You were great.
What happens now? Well, we go in to do closings.
John will do it.
And the judge will- Wow! Oh.
I like his face.
It's so gentle.
- Helena can't do those, can she? - No.
But she can make enough money to buy a Monet.
I'm gonna do a watercolor of you and Maddie.
I'm gonna give it to you as a late birthday present.
You know, Helen, I- Well- How do you feel about Helena? Like I said, I owe her.
When I was picked on as a kid, or even as an adult, she saved me.
Well, you realize that if we win and Steven is appointed guardian, they're gonna give you the drug.
Culbert said there's a good chance that Helena will be extinguished.
I realize that.
It's a loss, but she's trying to extinguish me.
I want to write and paint, and I want my husband back, Ally.
Are we gonna be late? No.
We still have a couple of minutes.
We're back at 2.
Are you nervous? - A little, but I'm holding.
- Hello.
I'm Claire Otoms.
Not now, Claire.
We've certainly heard a lot about you two.
Is there a parade in town? They're missing a float.
- Where's Liza? - Helen? Nice, Claire.
You scared the Helen out of her.
I used my soft voice.
- Hey! Hey! - Hi.
I have to tell you something.
I can't leave right now.
What? You promised a half-day.
I know.
But I have to go do closings, and then I'll come home.
You can hang out with Elaine.
She sings to me.
I know.
I know.
I will make her promise not to sing.
- But it's your birthday.
- I know.
And I'm gonna celebrate, sweetheart.
I just have this one thing.
Steven Green is asking that you issue a death sentence to one of them.
Administer this drug, it will be like giving Helena Green a lethal injection.
Bump, one could argue Helena is killing Helen.
Let the stronger personality win.
See those people back there? Helena's friends, coworkers.
They care for her, count on her.
This doesn't simply involve Steven Green.
There are those who love Helena.
They will suffer if we take her away.
- So how do I choose? - You don't.
Nobody should get to decide what one personality deserves life more.
Doctors make that decision every day when treating mental health.
Yes, to remedy illness.
Helena is competent.
More competent than Helen.
She's able to function in this world.
She does so with great success.
Helen Green suffers from dissociative identity disorder.
It is an illness an illness that gives rise to Helena.
It is incapacitating and treatable.
Maybe Helena has the disorder, which is giving rise to Helen.
- Well, Helen came first.
- So what? In most cases of mental disorders the medication is used to extinguish the first personality.
To extinguish the disorder.
If she were 90% Helen, 10% Helena, I might agree.
But that's not the case.
She's Helena 95% of the time.
The doctor said the core being is Helena.
Why shouldn't she be the one I care about? - You stumped him, judge.
- No, he didn't.
Sit down, Ms.
Bump! Sit down.
Your Honor you see this person here? She has fantasies.
She hallucinates.
Now, some people consider her to be in great need of mental help.
I often think she has 100 different personalities.
But I never, ever question who she is.
An hour ago, as I watched her deal with her daughter, I was reminded that what defines her most is her soul.
I don't want to be too religious, but I feel we have a core that defines us.
A soul, if you will.
Now, at this woman's core, she's Helen.
That's where she loves.
That's where she paints.
That's where she writes her poetry.
That's where her quiet soul thrives.
I have no doubt that she may experience more successes as Helena.
But you know, that speaks more to our world than anything else.
But the soul? No.
No, that's Helen.
And I suspect even Helena knows that.
Did you really mean what you said about me just then? The 100 personalities? The soul.
Ally, you are nothing if not a soul.
What are you thinking? I'm replaying all the things ever said to me.
The best ones come from you.
Well, you know, you helped save her.
Her husband couldn't bring her out.
You did.
I think in some way, your soul connected with hers.
He's back.
After looking at the medical evidence and consulting with numerous experts I find that Helen Green does have dissociative identity disorder.
It causes lapses in memory and consciousness.
As to who is real today I don't know.
All I can do is ask, who is the person to first suffer from it? Who would we have but for the disorder? I believe it'd be Helen.
I'm appointing Steven Green as guardian.
This court is adjourned.
So if he wants to medicate me, I have to comply? - That's the court's order.
- You just signed my death warrant.
We're adjourned.
- Can I appeal this? - I don't know.
Helena? You may not want to be married to me, but I know you trust me.
This is the right result.
Helena? It's me.
- Did we win? - Yes, baby.
We did.
- We did? - We won.
You're kidding! Liza? Do you think in a relationship you'd lose that cold, bitchy part you love? Is that it? I fell for that part too, you know.
You'd expect me to treat you nicely.
When you slapped my wrist, talked about training me, did I run? What is it that you like about me? I'm not even as sexual as I pretend to be.
I like that you're cold, bitchy, smart, extremely sexy beautiful.
And soft.
- You'd let me train you if I wanted to? - Like a puppy.
Have you ever fantasized about making love in an elevator? - Yes.
Have you? - Never.
Happy birthday to you Happy birthday to you Happy birthday, dear Ally Happy birthday to you And many more Okay.
All right! Gosh, thank you very much.
It's great to have you all here for my big 32.
We didn't know what to get you.
We were planning a weekend for you and Victor.
- Anything you know you want? - Well, I think I have everything I want.
I have my friends, my house and my daughter.
And John said something to me today that I will always treasure.
And there's nothing that I could- Actually, there is one thing.
I'm very curious about the butterfly.
I wish I'd known.
I can only give one butterfly per night because my tongue gets tired.
I already promised Richard.
You did? Yeah, you did.
She did.
Well, a promise is a promise.
And I feel like loving you Ally? John, we have to go.
- What happened? - She's moving out.
- What? - The core being had become Helena.
What's going on? The risperidone seems to have extinguished Helen.
I assumed that it would take Helena.
It took Helen.
Forever? Quite possibly.
Sorry to disappoint you.
I'll call you.
Helen? Will you talk to me, please? I really need to talk to you.
She said to say goodbye.
Technically, you two should be happy.
Look I loved her too, okay? I really did.
You stinker!
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