Alone Together (2018) s02e02 Episode Script

Pootie

1 Dom dom dom dom dom Dom be dooby Dom dom dom dom dom Dom be dooby Dom dom dom dom dom Dom be dooby dom Wah wah wah wah Well, I love, love you, darlin' Come and go with me Come go with me Way beyond the sea I need you darlin' So come go with me Dom be dooby dom Come come come come Come into my heart Tell me, darlin' Thank you.
Thank you.
Are you tipping my dancing? - Yeah.
- I'm not a stripper, but, obviously, I will keep this.
In the '50s, you could buy a house with that.
Get in character.
What's the point of being a dancing waitress if there's no one here to see me? I enjoyed it! The homeless guy who used the bathroom, he was really enthusiastic about you.
If I'm ever gonna get the chance to dance at the lunch rush, I've gotta up my game.
Have you thought about doing warm-ups? Look at the hat guy's doin'.
Oh, my God.
That's Neel.
He gets all the best shifts.
- I'm sorry.
One sec.
- I heard he just bought a Kia.
That's a big deal for a waiter.
I just got the biggest e-mail of my life.
I am now the proud owner of a Black Longnose Tang Fish! I don't know how you care about fish this much.
People who like the band Phish, they don't care this much about Phish.
This fish is super rare.
It's only legal in Florida.
I spent my entire aquatic budget for the year, and now it's mine.
All I gotta do is go pick him up from a really shady foot spa on Fairfax.
OK, well, that sounds illegal, and I want no part of it, but I will say this, as your best friend, well, your only friend, so your best friend by default, I really hope this is the fish that fills your void.
- We are all rooting for you.
- God, I hope so.
And by "we all," I do mean just me, but hi.
Like all the sailfin tangs, the longnose is a great addition to any tank.
So yeah.
It's pretty cool stuff.
That's, like, too cool.
- Kick ball change.
- Easy, dude! This isn't exactly street legal.
Oh, my God.
Those are the shoes Neel wears.
I mean, Sedaka, Patrick Harris, Diamond? You can't just hit me with a "Neal" and expect me - to know who you're talking about.
- Neel! From the diner? Did you know he was on screen for six seconds in "Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights"? I need those shoes.
Please don't make me go in the store.
It looks like one of those places where teenagers spend $100 just to buy a hat that says "Dirtbag" on it.
Oh, hell yes.
Oh, this is a skater place? I'm really scared of skater boys, so I'm gonna grab the shoes, and we'll just get outta here.
Yo, is that a fish in a bucket? I ain't tryin' to have pets in the store, man.
Unless it's that YouTube skateboardin' dog.
That lil' bitch rips! This is an emotional support animal.
I have papers.
Oh, I mean, this is like some chicken and egg shit, but do you think your emotional trauma might be because you're walkin' around with a fish in a bucket? Have you thought that maybe you're not that cool? What's that? I'm sorry, I can't hear you! This is what you live and die by? This? Phat-Phat-Phat-Phat Chew Phat Chew - That's my name.
- Phat Chew Really original to have your name be "Fat" and a DJ.
Fatboy Slim did that already.
I having trouble hearing the haters right now! You're a laptop DJ in a shoe store! Not impressed! OK, Benji, be honest.
How do I look? Do I look like a cool basketball guy? Am I a Globetrotter? I mean, I don't know, tell me.
Yeah, Esther, you look like a dude who's seven feet tall - and can spin a basketball on his nose.
- I'm getting them! Heads up, anemics! Oh! Ooh! Oh! Ooh! Oh, my God, my tang! Yo, that's my bad.
Do you have any idea how rare this fish is? It's completely legal, but you could've done some serious damage! Look at him.
He looks dazed.
He could be concussed.
Seems like he's just chillin'.
OK.
I need to speak to the owner of this place right now.
Oh, gosh, OK, sir.
Um, I'll get him for you right now.
- Thank you.
- Found him! It's me! Whoo! Are you telling me that in the nonsense reality of this store, you're owner and the DJ? Yeah.
I'm multi-hyph, bitch.
Count them hyphens.
- I can't believe how much I hate you.
- Count them hyphens! How can you mend a broken heart Damn, Neel, you've got the goods.
Hey, Esther, the lunch rush starts in about 15 minutes, so maybe a little less watch-y, a little more wipe-y.
Got it.
I'm so sorry, Annette.
I just got lost in Neel's hips.
I get it, OK? But there's a ketchup smudge on the table you just wiped.
So please do better.
This isn't a Johnny Rockets, OK? It's a Jimmy Fifties.
Neel, hi.
I'm so sorry to bother you.
- I'm a big fan.
- Thank you.
Um, do you have any advice you could give to someone like me who's tryin' to break in? Of course, I'm happy to help.
My best piece of advice is, "Dance like no one is watching.
" Eh? Really? No one is watching me, so that's great.
Listen, um, rumor is that there's an opening at the flagship in Ana-heim.
Ana-heim? Is that the same as "Anaheim"? Yeah.
That's what I said.
Ana-heim.
The big show? You think I I could do the big show? Oh, no.
I mean, when I get it, it could open up a spot for you here.
But until then, I need you right where you are.
I can't dance on those tables if you don't wipe them down so well.
We're symbiotic.
You know that means so much to me.
And I just want you to know that you are way more symbiotic than me.
Obviously.
Sure, but Symbiotic, we're Thank you.
Esther, OK, I saw your little yak sesh back there with Neel.
Not cool, OK? Know your place.
- Do not mingle with the A-listers.
- Got it.
Also, the world's saddest boy in table seven needs some help.
Please get to it.
Benji, Neel is so down-to-earth.
He is exactly the same off the table as he is on the table.
I mean, as a performer, he's impressive, but I've been waiting for 45 minutes for French fries.
- Oh.
-Attention, Jimmy Fifties diners! I heard it through the grapevine that little Caleb is our Chuck Berry birthday boy! He-he-he, yea-ah! Oh! Ha ha! I hear it! Oh, my God.
He's gonna do the birthday table jump.
This is huge.
Happy birthday, little boy.
Your mom's cold-feeding you trans fats.
Oh, my gosh, Neel! Oh, why! Why! Why! Oh, my God.
I was on puddle duty.
Is this my fault? I'm in pain! - Are you gonna call 911? - We're not allowed to! They didn't invent 911 until 1968.
Someone, ring the police! Maybe it's not your fault Neel fell.
He could have weak ankles, like me.
I've been doing yoga for, like, ten years, and I still fall during standing bow.
I'm a monster.
I literally destroyed something beautiful.
- What have I become? -I think you're being really hard on yourself.
Let's try to calm down.
Oh! Let's feed Pootie.
That calms me down! I named my tang "Pootie.
" What's going on? Pootie's dead! Pootie, as you are cremated, may your ashes return into the salted waters that gave you to us.
Amazing grace How sweet the sound Your life was cut tragically short.
Your potential stolen by a guy who looks like an entire Urban Outfitters threw up on him.
But now am found And so, Pootie, farewell.
You're in God's tank now.
Jolly good fellow Could you say a little something for what I did to Neel? Just kinda make sure I'm covered.
Neel is a dancing waiter who hurt his shoulder.
I'm currently mourning one of the most sought-after saltwater fish on the planet.
I mean, if I go in and tell the truth, people will eventually forgive me, right? Tonya Harding is, like, a hero now.
I'm not saying my story is movie-worthy.
That'd be crazy, right? If they, like, saw this story and then made a movie about it.
Esther, life is meaningless chaos.
You gotta just grab whatever joy you can before the things you love die right in front of you.
Oh.
Good to know.
Do I set this to, like, "boil," 'cause it's not even cremated.
Phat Chew! Phat Chew! The one and only Phat Chew! You killed my tang, dude! That fish cost $1400 and you gotta pay for it! Bro, seriously, I ain't givin' you money for a dead fish! Yes, you are.
You killed my tang, dude.
Do you have any idea how hilarious it sounds every single time you say that? "Tang.
" Do the right thing.
You have a half pipe in here.
You've gotta have liability insurance.
For the last time, man, no.
You need to take your fish problems somewhere else.
This is a place of business and bein' dope as hell.
Business and bein' dope as hell! Know what isn't dope as hell? Murdering people's beloved Really?! That's really good.
Nice detail.
I don't give a shit.
Cool, cool.
Neither did Basquiat.
What's your name, man? Stainz.
With a "Z.
" Oh.
Yeah, you really put your own spin on it.
Hey, Stainz, how would you like to make a little extra cash for your vandalism? I mean, I was gonna rob you, but I guess I'm down to collab.
I'm glad we segued out of robbery into something artistic.
So, is it illegal to watch someone do a graffiti? Like, am I an accessory to a graffiti right now? No one says "graffiti," Dad.
I'm done.
- You're done? - Where's my cash? Well, traditionally, a tang fish has a black oval body and blue pectoral fins, so we're gonna have to do another pass at this and maybe add in some more detail.
That would've been better if you would've told me that before I started.
You literally just said "a fish.
" Well, I had "tang" in mind.
Do you hear that? Oh, my God.
Dude, just take it.
Run! Five-O, dude! What's the code for the Big Bopper Bibimbap? - It's "5-1-5.
" - Neel? - Yeah.
- What are you doing here? You should be at home resting.
Not with my medical bills.
But the restaurant is letting me pick up some extra shifts, so Sure, it's still nice to be bringing the kids joy, though, by bussing their tables.
Listen, could you be a dear and help me get these lemon wedges? I've been trying for 15 minutes, so OK, Neel, there's something that I have to talk to you - Neel! Come on.
- Yeah? There's lemons everywhere, OK? Less blab-y, more bus-y.
- I got it.
- OK.
You.
I'm gonna need you to move to the lunch rush shift, OK? You're taking Neel's spot.
Wait, you want me to work the lunch rush? - Yeah.
- This is like when Sutton Foster was the understudy and then she became the lead and ended up winning the Tony.
I never even dreamed or obsessed and imagined that this could happen to me.
Well, it's temporary, OK? So just do the best you can to not blow it.
You won't regret this, Annette.
I will kill it.
K.
Neel, I want you to know that every single step I take out there is gonna be for you.
That's very sweet of you.
But can you seriously help me with these lemons? I can't, I have to go call my parents.
Wow, so you're, like, the star now.
Yeah! And Neel is.
He's doing good.
Check it out! Pootie has been avenged.
I'm pretty much what would happen if John Wick was Banksy.
Benji, you did graffiti? Are you high on a drug? Is it Xanax? I've heard about Xanax.
Yo, Chad, you really do murder tang, bro! OK, so, my tag is being misconstrued as a pretty immature sex joke, but the point is, revenge achieved.
Why did you sign it "Phat Chew"? Isn't that the guy that you really don't like? Oh, whassup! Man, y'all gonna make this bigger than that "Ermahgerd" girl.
She's still mad funny.
Pootie would not have approved of this.
Oh, and don't forget, if you tag "@Supertrill" on the 'grams, I'll give you 10% off all purchases.
Profiting off the vandalism I paid a guy to make with my parents' money.
This Phat Chew's the lowest piece of shit possible.
I Really? Oh, it's 10% off, and I love coupons.
Also, the lighting is so good! - He posted again! - What's up, Chew Tang Clan! Hey, I just wanna thank y'all so much for supportin' my store, and comin' to check out my art.
That's me, right there.
Phat Chew! That's it.
I gotta play by street rules now.
Do you know street rules? You look like you only know cul-de-sac rules.
Maybe Old Benji didn't know street rules, but Old Benji died with Pootie.
You're lookin' at Street Benji.
And when ya take Street Benji's tag, he comes right back at ya and tags harder.
Hey, Stainz.
I wanted to inquire, would you be interested in doing some more vandalism for me? When will the sun come out And dry these tears Sorry, folks.
Th That was my fault.
I got it.
I got it.
I have to learn.
Hey, gorgeous.
You look amazing.
And I don't want to freak you out, but, um, I just found out that Doug Hester is coming tonight.
Shut up.
Doug Hester? - Yup.
- From Anaheim? I mean, he's the godfather of nostalgia-based themed restaurants.
Oh, I know.
And word on the street is, he's looking for new talent.
Anaheim Garden Walk? That's Disney-adjacent.
It's the flagship.
I mean, I guess I can't stay in Hollywood forever.
- No.
- When Anaheim Garden Walk calls, you pick up the phone.
You know what? Jimmy Fifties, if he did exist, would be very, very proud of you.
I know I'm proud of you.
You heard.
Doug Hester.
Anaheim.
Ana-heim.
Don't worry.
Whatever happens today is your destiny.
It's the world giving back what you put into it.
I mean, you've earned this, haven't you, Esther? - I Neel? - Yeah? I I'm finished with my shake.
Thank you.
Wait, no, I I think I changed my mind.
Bro, I don't got all day, OK? Just tell me what you want me to paint.
Just trying to get into a flow here.
I want it to be minimalist, but I also want it to say, "Stole a fish, said a tag was his that wasn't," but it can't read as an accidental sex joke.
Man, let's just draw a big dick on here and call it a day.
Again, Stainz, you've been heard, and you've been rejected.
Hey, what the hell y'all doin'? Oh! Skrt skrt, what'd y'all do to my art? It's mine! You can't just take other people's art and pretend it's yours.
Uh, I'm a DJ.
That's exactly what I do, bruh.
- You're a shoe salesman.
- Well, if I'm a shoe salesman, I'm a artistic one.
And that's my art.
I painted this, so y'all are both wack.
Nah-nah-nah-nah-nah.
Ain't no intellectual property in the modern age.
My store, my wall, my art.
You're an idiot.
That's my paint on that wall.
Not yours! Your fish didn't die! OK, who's the vandal? - This guy, officer.
- His name's Stainz! With a "Z"! That's "S" as in "Sarah," "T" as in "Terrarium," "A" as in "Applegate," - "I" as in "Igloo" - Him, officer.
It was all him.
It's a big night tonight.
Ah, we've got a busload of German tourists and two little league teams.
Annette, we both know there's only one customer out there who matters tonight.
Mr.
Anaheim himself, Doug Hester.
Table ten.
- You can feel his power.
- Yeah.
That man singlehandedly brought the '50s to the '90s.
OK, listen up.
This is your moment, and I want you to take it.
And then afterwards, table 20's asking for more ranch dressing.
- Copy that.
- OK.
Attention, owner of the red hatchback with the "Who saved who" bumper sticker, your lights are on.
And while I have you, what are dreams? Dreams are the small steps we take every day on the path to where we belong.
I'd like to dedicate tonight's performance to Buddy Holly, Richie Valens, and my muse, Olivia Newton-John Travolta.
Thank you.
And-a one, and-a two, and a shooby doo How can you mend a broken heart? Wait! Stop! Listen, everyone, I love Esther.
And she is a serviceable dancer.
But she is hiding a terrible secret.
Wait.
Neel, you know? I knew something was up, but only now, did I just put the details together.
How can you live with yourself? I'm so sorry, Neel.
I was so distracted, I left a puddle.
I had no idea you would fall.
This is because of you?! Wait, let's back up.
You go first? I was just gonna tell everybody that you've been stealing milkshakes.
Katie! The tubs! Ladies.
Gentlemen.
Mr.
Doug Hester, GM.
This woman has stolen the equivalent of four 20-gallon tubs of cookies 'n cream milkshake from our beloved establishment.
She has not been paying for those milkshakes? You have, like, four a shift.
I was told drinks are complimentary for staff.
Fountain drinks.
Not dessert and specialty beverages.
Oh.
Oops? You owe Jimmy Fifties $1,275 and 84 cents.
I did the math.
I mean, Esther, you're obviously fired.
I What the heck, man? I thought you said we were symbiotic.
I watched you steal my sneakers, my moves, and all those milkshakes.
There was no way I was gonna let you steal my spot in Ana-heim.
See ya, Esther.
You'll always be my favorite part of "Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights.
" Hey! Oh, wow, look! Stainz got hired to make a mural downtown.
I think I should reach out to him with some ideas.
We kinda had a Lennon/McCartney thing going.
Can you explain that, but in "Beyoncé"? I'm Beyoncé, and Stainz is one of Destiny's other Children.
Which Childs? Kelly, Michelle, LeToya, LaTavia, Farrah? Did you not hear the first part of the story? Kelly, obviously.
Oh, my God! I think I finally nailed it.
These taste exactly like the cookies 'n cream shakes - at Jimmy Fifties.
- Really? Tastes like you poured milk into a bag of cookies - and shook it.
- OK, Mr.
Judgey.
You know what? Why don't we see if the fish like it? You can't give fish milkshakes.
Pootie liked milkshakes.
You give Pootie milkshakes? Wait, let's back up.
You go first?