American Dad s11e08 Episode Script

Morning Mimosa

Welcome back to "Morning Mimosa"! I'm Trish.
And I'm Sues, A.
"The Sizzle.
" As always, we're bringing you five full hours of mimosas and Oh, and Whoops! I forgot our catchphrase again! Uh-oh, Trish.
Sounds to me like you've had Too many mimosas! Is that Kelly I hear? Ladies, let's dance! What doesn't kill you makes you stronger stand a little taller doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone I love it when fat ladies feel falsely empowered.
Who's up next, Charlie? The creator of the stupidest diet I've ever heard of.
I think she eats algae or something? Let's find out.
It's Rhonda Hughart! Hi, Trish.
Hi, Sizzle.
Thanks for having me on.
My diet is about sensible -- Buppity-bup-bup- bup-bup-bup-bup! How many mimosas a day can you have on this diet? Um, if you've been good, maybeone? Uh-oh.
Buckle up, bitch.
One mimosa? Are you insane?! Cut off her head and put it in a bag! Sues, I think we've found ourselves someone to publicly shame.
What does that mean? Oh, God, what does that mean? I love it when they turn on their guests.
I'm sorry, you can have all the mimosas you want! That's not enough! All food thrown at our guests is provided by Taco King.
Taco King -- food so delicious, it stays together in the air.
I have kids! Good morning, U.
I got a feelin' that it's gonna be a wonderful day the sun in the sky has a smile on his face and he's shinin' a salute to the American race oh, boy, it's swell to say good -- good morning, U.
Steve, I asked you to set the table 10 minutes ago.
Dinner's ready.
But I'm on level 15! Well, I'm on level one of the house, where I cooked for you.
Now set the table.
I didn't ask you to cook for me.
Excuse me? Mom, I'm busy.
I'll do it in a minute.
No! It didn't save! It didn't save! What were you thinking? I was thinking go set the table.
Fuck you! Wow.
And what did your mom say? Nothing.
She -- she just walked out of the room.
This is bad.
This is real bad.
Yeah, she's pretty pissed.
I'm just gonna lay low till it blows over.
What if it doesn't blow over? Saying "F" you to your mom can change your dynamic forever! Ah, maybe you guys are right.
Toshi, care to weigh in? Tosh? Uh, Toshi just walked past my house.
Steve, I'm very disappointed that you used that language with your mother.
That being said, I'm more excited for dinner than I have been in years.
You did a very bad thing.
You know who had to set the table tonight? Me.
What are you talking about? I set the table.
Well, I would have been next in line, and I did not like it.
I made everyone's favorite -- mac and cheese omelettes.
Breakfast for dinner.
My favorite.
So, um, mom, I have something for you.
Oh, do you guys hear something? 'Cause I don't.
Come on, mom.
Just take the card.
Mom, don't ignore me.
Why not? It's fun! I'm ignoring Klaus right now, and it's not bothering him at all.
It's very peaceful.
He was my only problem.
Hey, where's mine? You didn't ask me to cook for you, remember? But i-it was in the heat of the moment and -- Steve, you really hurt my feelings.
Part one of your punishment is I'm ignoring you.
Part two is no dinner.
When I snap my fingers, I'm gonna do part one on Hayley.
Where'd she go? But I was gonna say sorry.
A-and I even got you this stupid card.
So we're cool, right? Like penguin says? Mac and cheese omelet? The penguin might be cool, but we are not.
Something has changed, Steve.
The dynamic? You're goddamn right it's the dynamic.
This dinner is not a letdown.
Oh, now you're mad at me.
Too bad I'm ignoring you.
In fact - Gone.
- Gone.
Alone at last.
I can eat how I want.
Where the hell are the leftovers? Looking for something? Barry? Y-you're eating the leftovers? Maybe you can have his leftovers.
We both know that's not gonna happen.
No dinner meant no dinner.
I didn't come down here for food.
I'm down here for the crisper drawer.
I'm building a fort, and it needs a window.
You sound hungry.
I'm hungry to finish my fort! Morning, mom.
Thank God it's laundry day, 'cause I'm all out of undies up there.
I am undie-free.
Sans panties.
Less panty, mo' problems.
Let me briefs you on the situation -- I ain't got no underwear.
What's your point? Didn't you do my laundry? No.
What you said is something you don't say to your mother.
So you must not think of me as a mother at all.
So, from now on, you're on your own.
Sans mommy.
You ain't got no mama.
What's that, Francine? I think you dropped a challenge.
And I'm pickin' it up.
'Cause I can do everything you do for me -- laundry, cooking, telling myself I'm a big, handsome boy.
First step, making myself some pancakes! Oh, no.
This is so hard.
What a joke.
Ha! I'm laughing.
Ha! This is laughable, is what it is.
Your pancake mix was laundry soap.
So it seems.
Game over, laundry.
Mastered this pretty fast.
Aah! You're in over your head, Steve.
You think you can do better? Oh, definitely not.
That's why I'm nice to mom -- so she'll keep taking care of me well into my adult years.
How's he doing? Horribly.
Great! I knew he couldn't survive without me.
He'll learn his lesson and come crawling back.
And that's how I want to see my little man -- begging for mercy because he's completely incapable of taking care of himself.
Mom, can I just say that of all the punishments you've ever come up with, this is by far the most brilliant.
Unrelated, can you start this orange for me? I don't know how.
I got you dinner.
You couldn't leave a ladder for me? My mom would see it.
It's too dangerous.
No, what's dangerous is crawling past Hayley's room with a plate full of chipped beef.
Wait, her room's on the other side of the hou-- Let's not get bogged down in the details about who was masturbating where.
You just have to end this war with your mom.
I tried, but she wants to keep fighting, so now I'm in it to win it.
Look at yourself.
You've already lost, bud.
You stink, and you're starving.
And you're not wearing underwear.
How can you tell that? We're best friends.
I know your body.
If you're not gonna make up with your mom, you've got to learn to take care of yourself.
But how? Remember when I straightened my hair that summer? Of course I remember.
You didn't swim all summer.
But I never looked so good.
A lot of guys hit on me from behind.
Dum dee do bee dum wah wah wah wah dum dum The point is, I learned to do my hair myself from watching YouTube videos.
And you can learn to cook the same way.
What are you hungry for? Pancakes.
Your journey begins now.
But whatever you do, don't get sidetracked by snakebite videos.
They're always one click away, and they're very addictive.
I wouldn't want to watch snakebite videos.
"OMG," huh? Let's see what all the fuss is about.
Whoa, that's a king cobra! Why are you taunting him? Oh, he got him.
Oh, he got him again! And again! It's just a series of strikes! Whoa! That was stressful.
Okay, just one more.
Dude, drop the camera and help your friend.
He got bit by a rattlesnake! He is dying! Oh, what's a black mamba? Wonder if they're friendly -- Oh, God, they're not! They're not! Oh! Why am I so hungry?! Oh, yeah.
Pancake videos.
Let's see what we got here.
"Pan-snakes"? Sure.
No! These are amazing, Steve! They remind me of this wonderful meal I had on the cape.
Ohh, what was the dish? That's right -- pancakes.
Oh, look who learned to cook.
Guess somebody's ready to make a little peace offering? The only thing I'm offering is a boysenberry-lemon reduction.
But not to you.
Oh, for God's sake, Steve.
Grow up.
I have grown up, mother.
I've grown up a lot in the last eight hours.
I learned how to cook, how to set a dryer for delicates, and how to suck venom out of a snakebite.
Now I don't need you for anything.
He's right, Francine.
Those are all the things.
Whose side are you on anyway? Whoever makes the best pancakes.
I'm on your side, mom.
Maple syrup stuck-stuck.
You may be feeling like you've got it all figured out, young man.
No more soap in your pancakes clothes all clean.
But trust me -- you're gonna realize sooner or later that -- every boy needs his mother! Stan, will you join me in the other room? I think we should have a long conversation about parenting decisions.
Off to work.
Steve, how did you learn to cook like this? Got the recipe off YouTube, but I made it my own.
You know, I should make my own cooking videos.
Give back to the community and rub it in mom's face.
Oh, you totally should.
But what would you call your channel? Oh! Oh! How about a taste of Steve? Mouthful of Steve.
Steve in your mouth.
Stop me when you hear one you like.
A taste of Steve in your mouth.
That's all I got.
Hey, Stan, great news! My daughter's soccer team qualified for regionals.
So we're trying to raise money for -- You know what, Jackson? This might be crazy, but I'm gonna try something.
It worked! What? Gone.
Smith, you can't just barge in here -- Gone.
Alone in the boss's office.
Let's try out the chair.
Deputy Director Smith.
First order of business, get a less erect chair.
Now, once we've put the souffle in the oven, we can start prepping the coq au vin.
This classic peasant dish is not as complicated as it looks.
I'm a kid, so the hardest part is getting the wine.
So many views.
That's all for now.
I'm the Orphan Chef, wishing you smaklig maltid.
That's Swedish for bon appétit.
Am I Swedish? I don't know.
My mother abandoned me.
That little jerk.
Where does he get off insulting me like that? Hey, an orphan means he also doesn't have a father.
Well, that part's kind of true.
Oh, my God! Charlie Greenfield, executive producer of "Morning Mimosa"! Did I finally get tickets? No, no.
These hands don't deliver tickets.
Well, this one does.
But this one finds the stars of tomorrow.
And there he is -- the Orphan Chef.
Sorry, buddy, you got to order aprons off the website.
No, I'm here from "Morning Mimosa" and we want you to come down and do half a segment -- Half a segment?! Live, tomorrow morning.
Live, tomorrow mor-- So you're interested? Great.
I'll send a limo in the morning.
Send a limo?! Steve, I don't know if you're ready to perform live in front of the most hostile audience in television.
You're just jealous 'cause I'm getting out of this dump.
She's just jealous.
I can tell.
Now, let us know if you have anybody that needs tickets.
Perhaps this haggard lady who runs the orphanage? Nah.
Just give those tickets away to someone in need.
What an amazing boy.
If it weren't for his face, I'd be completely baffled about why he was abandoned.
Half a segment?! We gave our homely housewife, Jan, the makeover treatment.
New clothes, new 'do.
How do you think she looks? Ohh, looks like we got another one.
Jan is unsalvageable! Bleh! Pretty hot crowd today.
Yeah, it's Maximum Mimosa Monday.
They're gonna kill your son.
Welcome to our studio.
So, this is where the magic happens.
The real magic will happen when I cook today.
The only thing I melt faster than butter is people's hearts.
Anyone ever tell you that you have the confidence of a white kid with upper-middle-class parents? Open your mouths, you animals! This way to the green room.
Ha! Ha! Ha! So, you'll be on after the dancing monkeys.
This is the first time they've been on since the attack.
They attacked the audience? Oh God, no.
The audience attacked the monkeys.
Relax, mommy's here.
Mommy? I'm not their real mommy.
I killed her in the Congo.
These guys get so nervous before they perform.
Well, we better get out there.
Everything's fine.
The dancing monkeys will -- will put the audience in a great mood.
That's not dancing! It's hopping! Kill the monkeys! - Gone.
- Gone.
Last man on earth.
Nothing but empty spots.
What the hell, man? Gone.
Day 10.
No signs of life.
Those women shaved my head! They shaved my head! Where are the monkeys? They escaped to the rafters! No more mimosas! They've had enough mimosas! Aaaah! Where do you think you're going? You're on! They're ready for you! Next up, whoo! We have a YouTube sensation known as the Orphan Chef.
He was abandoned by his mother, and he learned to cook gourmet cuisine all by himself.
Welcome the orphan chef! Great to have you here.
Mimosa? I'm 14.
Who's gonna find out, your mother? So, what are you gonna cook for us? I'm starving! UhI-I-I wanted to make my specialty, u-uh, coq a vin.
What the hell is that? French chicken! I-it's, um, m-much easier than you think.
I'm a kid, so the hardest part is is Is what? What is it? Finish your sentence! Is wine getting.
I'll just start the dish.
You grew up without a mom.
Tell us how terrible that was.
It -- it wasn't that bad.
Yes, it was.
No mom to kiss your boo-boos? No mom to hold you after a bad day.
Who celebrated your birthday and tucked you in at night? Your mom? Not likely.
As if.
So sad.
I-I really should focus on -- on this.
You know what I just realized? This kid has no mom! What? No mom? Nope.
If he died here today, there would be no mommy to mourn him.
And no mommy to press charges.
How did this get so dark? Oh, thank God.
It's ready.
What is that crap? I-I made an omelet.
A mac and cheese omelet.
But I'm hungry for chicken! Why did you make this for us? Because I was nervous.
And every time I eat this, it makes me feel good and safe and loved.
Why?! Because my mom makes it for me, okay? Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh.
Y-you have a mom? Who fact-checked this shit? B-but I-I went to the orphanage.
It don't add up, I tell ya! It don't add up! And you coming here, lying about your parental status, promising chicken.
Who do you think you are? He's my son! Mom? You're here! Of course I am.
I will always be here for you.
I'm so sorry I said those terrible words to you.
Get this crybaby loser and his loser mother off my show! I know where to put them! What -- it -- but you were gonna drop us in the pit? You know what, Trish, the Sizzle? Fuck you! Sometimes it's okay to say it.
Like now.
Or when you're driving.
Turn off the cameras and lock the doors.
No, Sues.
Not again.
Rage! Rage! Ra-a-a-ge! Ra-a-a-ge! Rage! Mom, what do we do? Follow the monkeys to freedom! I-I can't do it! I'm not strong enough! Don't worry.
Mama's got you.
Aah! Although he refuses to acknowledge anyone, the naked man in the supermarket has been apprehended.
Oh, my God! Aah! Oh.
Hi, Francine, Steve.
Who's doing this to me? Who are you? Show yourself!
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