American Dad s16e18 Episode Script

Dr. Sunderson's SunSuckers

1 Do you have a little time for saving the planet? No, I don't! No, I don't! But you have time to hide in a bush? It's important to me, so I make the time.
Pardon me, do you want clean air? - [HORN HONKS.]
- We're not asking for anything! Just handing out information! WOMAN: That's not a risk I'm willing to take! Sorry, babe.
I'm sure we can trick somebody into taking a flyer.
We're not trying to trick anybody, Jeff.
- Really? - [SIGHS.]
All I'm trying to do is make the world a better place.
Beep! Beep! Backing up, backing up! - [HORN HONKS.]
- Hey, you don't own the roads! - Roger? - Dr.
Sunny Sunderson.
If you or anyone you know is interested in going solar, fill one of these out and leave it in that dead ficus tree on 18th Street.
I won't let the USPS on my property 'cause I don't engage with any business that produces greenhouse gases.
I use no fossil fuels! "Dr.
Sunny Sunderson's SunSuckers.
" Wait, is this one of your blowjob businesses? Dr.
Sunny Sunderson's SunSuckers is one of the cleanest and greenest businesses in the world! Just loaded up on supplies.
Seaweed sheet? Wait, Roger, you really own a solar business? - Want to come see my shop? - Might as well.
- What's the address? - No.
You come with me or you don't come at all.
- But we have Jeff's van.
- No fossil fuels! - [HORN HONKS.]
- MAN: Come on, move the tricycle, pal! This is a recumbent bike, buddy.
More like a repugnant bike.
Oh, yeah? Well, try this on for size.
Yeah, you better run Oh, he's not running, he's getting out.
Everyone on the bike! Let's go! Good morning, U.
I got a feelin' that it's gonna be a wonderful day The sun in the sky has a smile on his face And he's shinin' a salute to the American race Oh, boy, it's swell to say - Good - Good morning, U.
Aah! Good morning, U.
Who has the TV listings booklet? The what? The booklet in the Sunday paper that tells you when every show is on so you can plan out your week, decide what days of work to skip.
- They still make that? - Why do you need it? I thought you had every channel and every program memorized.
Because sometimes they change it.
I thought you said you could anticipate changes in programming even before the networks.
That is true, I can do that.
But what's even truer is my love for antiquated practices long after they're deemed useless.
Greg, Stan Smith from across the street.
Yes, it has been a good, long while.
I was wondering if you got your TV listings booklet with your paper today.
Oh, okay.
Oh, really? He got his today, but he didn't get his last week.
I think we have on our hands a TV listings booklet thief.
Oh, my god, this is serious! Whoo-hoo-hoo! My SunSuckers perform better than any other solar panel on the market 'cause they don't just capture the sun, they suck it in.
This is great.
I didn't know you had personas who cared about the greater good.
Yeah, they care so I don't have to.
Hey, Dale, how's the wife? She came back! Are you installing my final solar panel today? Hey, I gave you my six-month guarantee, and then a couple of four-month guarantees, and then my famous 29-month guarantee, and I finished only three months late.
I came up with the idea for the SunSucker while scuba diving out in Mollusk Bay.
I almost got my face ripped off by an octopus.
As it brought me into its siphon, I thought, "What if I could do this to the sun?" And suck it in! Exactly.
Now I'm gonna use it to turn Langley Falls completely solar.
- That's amazing.
We're good.
Everyone's good.
Built it all myself, everything running off SunSuckers, of course.
This is a real solar company.
Of course it's real.
Why wouldn't it be real? It's just always so hard for me to understand what you can do.
I mean, this looks like a lifetime's worth of work, and yet I know yesterday, you spent the whole day as taco inspector Feliz Nachodad.
So you do understand.
Now let me show you the beads.
My beautiful beads.
This full tub represents all the pollution in Langley.
Each bead is 1,000 tons of carbon dioxide.
I never do anything to add to this pile.
And every time I install a solar panel, I move one bead to mark my progress.
That's the fifth unit I've installed in the last 2 1/2 years.
And I'm not stopping 'til I fill the whole thing.
But it's gonna take you like 1,000 years to do that.
Okay? And these are all customers you don't have time to get to? I'm going as fast as I can! Unless you know a better route to recumbent bike cycle into town, because that commute alone takes up 95% of my day.
Yes! We can use Jeff's van.
No fossil fuels! No, listen, it would just be in the beginning, - and in the long run - You're trying to trick me.
I will not be tricked again! I was on the Bell labs crew that designed the first commercial silicon solar cell in 1954.
I had big dreams, the kind of dreams I would never share with you.
Like what dreams? Like a giant needle to the sky with a SuperDuperSunSucker on top that could power an entire town.
Hey, I said I wasn't gonna share my dreams with you.
Last time somebody promised to help me, I was tricked into accidentally designing the F-350 super duty truck for Ford motor company.
We're not trying to trick you.
Really? I work alone now, just like the sun.
But don't you see? That's why the sun is so sad.
Someday I'll find someone to share this life with.
Why can't you see me? The world doesn't have time to wait for Roger to save it.
If we create a tiny bit of pollution now to move things along quicker, his clean energy could power all of Langley.
Pollution, babe? Doesn't that betray his whole philosophy? Oh, so you're a philosopher now? Well, wrap your big brain around this.
I happen to know an anonymous customer just gifted Dr.
Sunderson a three-night stay at the thermal spas in Redbluff.
Oh, that's nice.
He'll like that as long as it's not fossils.
He hates fossils.
He's always like, "no fossils, fools!" Goodbye, sweet sunflowers.
I'll be back in nine days.
His dumb bike! It's a three-day ride each way.
This is it.
This is my opportunity to save the earth.
Jeff, move our office into the trailer.
WOMAN: Langley Comcast, how may I help you? Yes, I would like phone and Internet installed at a business I definitely own.
Great! The fact that you say you definitely own the business means we can part with all the paperwork and send someone there right away.
Good, because I definitely own this business.
Good, because that's why we said we could help you.
- - Wish I could stay forever, but that would cut into my 1,000-year plan to turn Langley Falls completely solar.
Well, we wouldn't want to keep you from that.
I feel like you're being really rude right now.
Is this because of the multiple accidents I had in the hot stone room? I feel like this is undoing all the relaxation I've accomplished here.
Now I'm tense like this.
My whole body's in a knot.
Oh! Not my b-hole.
Holly, could you be a dear and grab a towel? It's the stone room all over again.
Here's the plan.
This Sunday, TV listings booklet day, we will be in positions by 4:30 A.
I'll be in the back of the SUV.
We'll have Klaus on lookout at the end of the block.
Steve, you'll be on Greg's roof with night-vision goggles.
Does Greg know that? H-He's a gun owner! Francine, you'll be at the living-room window running supplies from the house.
Stan, I'm gonna be sleeping.
Do you even care to know what's going on on television? I use the guide button, Stan.
Well, do you care about the principle of it? - No, I do not.
- I care, Stan.
I care about everything you care about.
What the hell? My name and likeness on a gas guzzler? You're back! Have you been driving around town with my face all over your dang pollution wagon? - Wait, Roger - You're making a fraud out of me! It's the F-350 super duty all over again! I'm gonna kill myself! Looks like your computer crashed.
Now that I'm laughing, I see there's still something to live for.
Listen, we're not tricking you.
We're helping you.
Look! My beads.
Since you left, we used less than a bead's worth of fossil fuels.
The bad bin.
And while you were gone, we installed eight new SunSuckers.
So many.
Now, isn't that better? It is better.
Look, we all want the same thing.
A carnitas burrito from La Blahteca? To save the planet by getting rid of fossil fuels.
And I believe if we do this, we can fill that good bin all the way.
Okay, we can use a little bit of fossil fuels.
Thank you! Wow.
This is really good.
Let the sunshine Let the sunshine in The sunshine in Let the sunshine Let the sunshine in The sunshine in Let the sunshine Oh, let it shine Let the sunshine in Come on The sunshine in Everybody just sing along Let the sunshine Because Dr.
Sunderson's SunSuckers don't just capture the sun, they suck it in.
So, let us suck you off fossil fuels and into solar energy! Tonight, we visit with Dr.
Sunny Sunderson and his SunSuckers to find out what they're doing to eliminate fossil fuels.
And as soon as I had the idea, the octopus just released me, and I'm working on new ideas all the time.
This is a model of a giant water misting system that could cool a whole town.
All winter, it sucks in moisture.
Then in the summer, the fan blows it all out in a cool mist.
The key is this orifice.
Can you guess where I got the idea? Uh cat's butthole? No! The middle of a starfish.
And what is this? That's my life's dream, and it's almost done.
Come on! How did I not notice this? I wanted to build it all the way to the stratosphere, but Langley's got all these dumb ordinances.
Turns out you can't build anything higher than the sharks nest out of respect for the bazooka sharks.
- MAN: 'Zooka sharks! - Hell yeah, buddy! This is our year! My money's actually on the Tampa taserdactyls.
They're tough.
Their domestic-violence record speaks for itself.
Now, Ms.
Smith, Dr.
Sunderson was in business for years, but it wasn't until you came on board that all this happened.
What did you do? Look, he's the genius.
I just try to keep him organized.
She's being modest.
She taught me that even if it seems like you're doing something bad, it's okay as long as it ends up being more good than bad.
Just got to keep the beads moving in the right direction.
I'm sorry, what are the beads? The beads are everything.
I never did learn what the beads were, but one thing I did learn, Dr.
Sunderson is on to something special.
When we come back, an Amazonian tribe that's never had contact with the outside world, and yet knows every word to Taylor Swift's "You need to calm down.
" Mm, have you guys had these sour cream and onion seaweed snacks yet? I like them.
You can throw 'em way farther.
What's wrong? Langley Gas & Electric must've seen us on the show.
They're undercutting us to put us out of business.
They can't, we have 30% of the market.
We already lost half our customers.
We'll win 'em back.
Langley Gas & Electric are offering us a lifeline.
They'd raise their prices again for a minority share of Dr.
Sunderson's SunSuckers.
Never! Sour cream's got some zip to it.
Steve, you took off your night-vision goggles.
STEVE: The sun's coming up! It's stinging my eyes! Face it, no one's coming to steal your precious TV listings thing.
KLAUS: I'll wait all day, Stan.
Alright, fine.
- Abort mission.
- Yes! We're on the same page, Stan.
Total abortion.
The thief probably didn't strike because he spotted Steve on the roof.
He probably saw you on the corner.
You were checking Instagram every two minutes.
Oh, Steve, you want to freakin' "@" me? But the thief did strike.
We're missing the TV listings booklet.
Oh, you must feel so stupid now, Steve.
Babe, cheer up.
So big business crushed the little guy again and you're not gonna be able to save the world.
Doesn't mean it's the end of the world.
I figured it out! We can save the business without bowing to Langley Gas & Electric! I didn't see this either? Don't beat yourself up.
There was a Charles Barkley fathead here until yesterday.
Whoa, this is the nicest treehouse I've ever been in.
You do the honors.
What is this? Push it.
Roger, what have you done?! We've blown up all the gas stations, power plants, and oil refineries in Langley.
I called them in first, so no one got hurt, but those power plants are toast.
Now Langley will have no choice but to use our solar.
I know it looks like a lot of pollution, but in the long run, it's actually better for the earth, and you taught me that's all that matters.
Wow, I didn't anticipate these fires when I blew up those power plants.
At least they're pretty.
Why are they spreading? They're spreading because they're burning back to their source, the great eastern pipeline.
Roger, what happens if they hit the pipeline? That's what we energy scientists call a big kabloomy.
Yep, if it reaches the pipeline, all of Langley will be gone.
Except the fires.
Those might end up being seriously eternal flames.
SIRI: Playing "Eternal flame" by the Bangles.
I said, "seriously eternal flames," not, "Siri, play 'Eternal flames.
'" Sometimes she's so stupid.
You know what you know, i-I'm not mad, I'm not mad.
- I like this song.
- Roger! How long do we have before the fire hits the pipeline? Long enough to listen to this song without being yelled at.
We can't let the town burn! Because the town is where we live! Do you feel the same I hate to harp on this, but in the end, this will help our company.
We're the only game in town.
Is this burning The smoke's blocking the sun! [FLAMES CRACKLING.]
That's no good.
The sun's like our number-one source of solar energy.
Let's just think.
How can we put out those fires? Okay, time to put every last bit of my mental energy into saving the Oh, my god, I love this part.
Say my name Sun shines through the rain A whole life [SIREN WAILS.]
End of days is here again, bitches! What is happening?! Attention viewers, the world is ending! I'm reporting news like this because there is no TV anymore.
No TV? But what about the TV listings booklets every Sunday? Kiss 'em goodbye, baby! Nooooo! Noooo! Maybe if I just start saying words, something will click.
- Chartreuse.
- Stop.
Face it, this is a giant disaster.
Giant! That's it! My giant misters! They've been storing moisture all winter.
They can blow out the fires! But all you have is a model.
But what do you think the model was based on? The real thing.
Man, I'm missing everything.
It's hooked up to my SuperDuperSunSucker.
We just need to power it up.
But the sunlight isn't hitting it.
Oh, no? Well, don't tell Sheri at City Planning, but I built this tower with a telescoping shaft.
But how are you gonna get the solar panel above the clouds with no electricity? With good old-fashioned leg-tricity.
This is crazy high! Jeff, activate the misters.
It's working! [CRASH.]
What the hell? Something's stuck on the spire! Holy cow! It was a Telemundo satellite! I was practically raised on "Sabado Gigante.
" Telemundo rules, Univision drools! The satellite is blocking the sun from hitting the SuperDuperSunSucker! Maybe if we move the SuperDuperSunSucker.
Roger, stop! But this is all my fault.
I did this.
You were helping the earth.
It wasn't much, but it was something.
And then I came along and tried to make a big difference, and now all of Langley is burning to the ground.
You're optimistic enough to try to do big things.
That's not a problem.
- I'm the one with the problem.
- What's that? I'm [BLEEP.]
loco, ese.
The sun! We're back in business! Roger! It's okay, sun's hitting it.
We're good, everyone's good.
It's working! The misters are extinguishing the fires! I guess I could've just thrown this.
So you guys didn't even get in trouble for all the damage you did? Oh, no, Langley Gas & Electric totally bailed us out.
I just had to give them my character's science stuff.
I had fun saving the world.
Jeff, we didn't save the world.
We realized a vision of what the world could be and squandered it.
If anything, we set clean energy back decades.
Well, I had fun.
Hey, we didn't get any closure on who was stealing our TV listings booklets.
Ugh, I'm so over that.
You know, honestly, I'm just happy everyone's safe.
Well, I'm gonna go take a dump.
You sly little devil.
That's right.
It was your boy Stan the whole time.
I've been stealing these from myself and my neighbors for years.
Why? The better question is Who? Who am I talking to right now? What is happening? Bye! Have a beautiful time!
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