American Dad s17e11 Episode Script

1
This can't be good!
You mean all the alarms and stuff?
Yeah! We're too heavy!
If we don't drop some cargo,
we're dead, man.
Oh, well. It's not like I
have anything to live for.
Then who's that?
Oh, right, my son!
My son and his eight siblings!
I don't know what to drop!
It all looks so important!
Just pick something!
It's gonna be a great pool day.
Well, sounds like Neil
Armstrong finally returned.
Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
I got a feelin'
that it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪
The sun in the sky has
a smile on his face ♪
And he's shinin'
a salute to the American race ♪
Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪
- Good ♪
- Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
Aah!
Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
Pool's ready!
Steve, come swim with your mama.
I'm in the middle of a
speed run of this game.
I can't swim with my "mama" right now.
You have reached level 35 of "Mom Swim."
You have unlocked "Good Job Honey!"
Y'all wanna come swim?
Can't. Learning.
Jeff and I have decided to
become more well-rounded people
and are learning vocabulary words.
I've learned perfidious.
Do you know what it means, Francine?
I don't know, stank-ass or something?
It means deceitful and untrustworthy.
And I learned the word "vocabulary."
I can't.
I'm busy working on my dating app.
It's like Tinder or Hinge,
but mine has a different name.
It's called Barrel Scraper.
Like scraping the bottom of the barrel?
Oh, no! I forgot about that phrase!
I was thinking a barrel of laughs
and a skyscraper of a good time.
Help! I'm drowning!
Stan, help!
Ha! Gotcha!
Doesn't the pool look so nice?
Why don't you join me?
I'm just out here because
I got ketchup on my toes
and needed to wipe it off in the grass.
Francine, can you please keep it down?
I can hear you drowning from
all the way across the street.
It's almost noon.
Why are you still in your pajamas?
I'm trying to get 18
hours of sleep a day
to prepare for an audition next week.
A scout is coming to
watch me perform the news,
and it could be my big
break to go national.
- That's exciting!
- I know!
But I really have to
nail my mood maneuvers.
You know when news
anchors have to switch
from happy stories to sad stories,
seamlessly transitioning
from an upbeat inflection
to a grave one?
That's a mood maneuver.
Example please.
Francine Smith drowned in her pool,
which was good
for Greg because he finally
got some sleep.
All by myself ♪
Don't want to be all by myself ♪
Anymore! ♪
Oh!
Hi there, little froggie.
Did you come to admire the pool?
Me and the family used to
swim out here all the time,
but now no one cares.
Cool jump, lil' dude.
I'm going to name you Jumpers.
Mom, what is that?
It's a frog.
A frog?! That's awesome!
I'm coming out.
Wait, there's a frog by the pool?
This I gotta see!
I see it, and it's worth it, Hayley!
It's green like the stories say!
His name is Jumpers,
and he's hanging out
with me by the pool.
Jumpers, watch this!
Jumpers, over here!
Jumpers this way!
Uh come back to me.
Jumpers, look at this kick flip.
Dammit. I landed it earlier.
Water fight!
All by my family ♪
Not by myself ♪
Sup. I slept like a hog on a log,
and now I'm ready for some slop.
Here's some yogurt tubes.
I wanted us to eat quick so we can get
back out there with Jumpers.
Oh, yeah, cool. I'll head out later.
- Samesies.
- Yeah, I got tired again.
And I'm still looking for a beta tester.
Gonna peruse smokers
outside the bowling alley.
Look out below!
I don't understand, Jumpers.
They were so into it yesterday,
but I've lost them again.
We have to do something
to get their attention.
Oh, but what?
Yes?
Oh, you want me to follow you.
Wow, Jumpers!
This must have been that crate
that fell out of that airplane!
You didn't think I saw that, did you?
Come on, my family's gonna love this!
Marco! Polo! What?
Am I the only one playing?
You can probably tell
I have no clue what I'm doing.
We did it, Jumpers.
The family's together again.
I'm glad you brought those frogs home.
It's like living in the wild.
Listen to how loud they are.
It's so loud.
And you know how loud
things get me in the mood.
I sure do!
Something's
different.
Did you get a haircut, Mr. Klaus?
Where's the kitchen table?
- Oh!
- Oh!
Out here!
I thought it would be nice
to be closer to the frogs.
Hell no!
This frog thing is getting out of hand.
And now you want us to eat out here?
Perfidious!
I won't demean myself this way.
I'm gonna go eat pasta sauce
on the couch and watch TV.
Uhhh okay, Klaus.
This frog thing is out of hand?
I just want Jumpers and his
friends to feel comfortable.
Guys!
Greg's audition is gonna
start soon if you wanna watch.
- You ready for this?
- Huh?
Oh, yeah. Born ready.
Is that the scout?
That's him. Take your shot!
You're going to love Greg.
His mood maneuvers are impeccable.
He never says the sad stuff happy.
Good morning and
welcome to the Channel 3
9:00 news. I'm Greg Corbin.
Langley Animal Clinic celebrated
their hundredth anniversary
with a dog parade.
Last night,
a man was found dead in a soup bowl.
Sorry, I mean with a dog parade!
Last night, a man
was found dead in a soup bowl.
This is embarrassing.
In international news,
America lost three soldiers
on the Pakistan border.
But they were later
found in a nearby mall!
Dead! Of self-inflicted gunshot wounds!
Oh, dangit!
No, no, no, don't leave!
You.
Me?
Francine Smith.
You kept me awake the entire week
with your stupid, loud frogs!
You cost me my chance at going national.
I'm going to sue you!
What, Greg?
It's Greg. Oh.
I wasn't sure if you were watching,
so I'm calling to tell
you I'm suing you.
Of course I'm watching. I'm your friend!
And you're going down, asshole.
I won't let you come
between me and my family.
Your family? I'm suing about the frogs.
Exactly! Frogs equal family.
It's the three Fs.
Frogs, family, and my name is Francine.
Then I guess I'll see you in court.
I guess you will!
Hi. I'd like a big, big, big,
big meatball sandwich, please.
The biggest you've got.
Case number 543A, Corbin vs. Smith.
Ah! Sorry, sorry.
Greg looks worse than
he did on the news.
He still hasn't slept.
I saw Jumpers and a group of frogs
sitting right outside
his window last night.
You think Jumpers is sabotaging him?
Hi, Jumpers!
Mm. I'm not going to
read these documents.
You, begin.
Your Honor, I need Francine Smith
to remove the frogs from her backyard.
They're keeping me awake!
Order in the court! ♪
I'm trying to get a television show,
so I might be a bit wild today.
Mr. Corbin, do you have evidence?
Yes, listen to these frogs!
March 12th, sibilance practice.
Single Susan sits somewhere silently.
I don't understand.
I checked it this morning.
This frog is quiet.
He's acting, Your Honor!
Don't shave my legs with a pine cone
and call it a razor!
We'll recess until tomorrow.
That was amazing.
I was gonna wait for the
verdict to pop the champagne,
but I'm ready now.
I felt kind of bad for Greg.
Me too. He looked like crap,
and he's usually so striking.
The frogs are loud, Mom.
What's your point?
It wouldn't hurt to maybe
get rid of some of them.
Greg just wants to be able to sleep.
But they're the whole reason we've been
spending time together.
It was exciting for awhile to have
a fun new thing to do
in the backyard, but
That's it!
We've been limiting
ourselves to the backyard.
Did someone say tributary?
Now nothing can come
between me and my family.
Welcome back.
Let's skip right to the end.
Closing statements, go.
Your Honor,
it comes down to the three Fs.
Frogs, family, and Francine.
If that's not the three Fs,
I don't know what is.
Oh [BLEEP] right in his [BLEEP] face.
You want something in your face,
Your Honor?
How about some surprise witnesses!
Whaaaat?
It is crazy in here!
They're testifying against Francine?
- That's
- Perfidious.
What the?
The frogs are loud.
Things have gotten bad,
and we're worried they're
going to get worse.
What if I told you I
have an app where people
such as yourself could meet
other people such as themselves?
She tore down the kitchen
wall to let the frogs inside.
She put 12 humidifiers in my room.
Order, order!
You already said something!
It is with great thought
and consideration
that I make this judgement.
Francine wins!
She can keep the frogs and
let those babies thrive.
Really?
Your ass is dismissed!
And here's my ass.
What?
This isn't the last
you've heard of me, Francine.
Mom, please don't be mad.
They betrayed you, Francine.
You betrayed me. Wait.
- You can talk?
- Of course we can talk!
But we couldn't get you to listen.
All you've done is listen.
You constantly cater to their needs.
That's true!
I thought I was doing what
was best for my family.
We're your family now. Exile them!
Your Honor, I'd like a restraining order
against my family.
Granted!
She's incredible!
Let's go, Jumpers.
Wait, Francine, can we still have sex?
No.
Okay, well,
you're still attracted to me right?
Not as much.
My new beta tester!
Stan, I'm marking you down as bisexual.
Is that cool?
I mean, it's not like I own
the word "perfidious."
But Francine just said
it like it was hers.
Mom's phone isn't even ringing anymore.
Your mother made her choice.
We're moving on.
Moving on with a little
help from Barrel Scraper.
Let me see what you
wrote for your profile.
"My name is Stan.
"My wife doesn't find
me attractive anymore.
"Maybe you will like my ugly face.
"Will you take care of my kids?
You must hate frogs."
It's perfect.
You got a match!
I'll see if she wants
to meet up right now.
I wish we could figure out
what's up with Jumpers.
It's like Mom is under
his spell or something.
I have an idea.
Jeff, drive us to Groff.
There's a herpetologist
there we can talk to.
Ooh, I learned this word recently.
A herpetologist studies
reptiles and amphibians.
Don't tell Francine, though.
She'll be like
herpetologist, herpetologist.
Right, Jeff?
Drop Stan off at Frog Ross Restaurant
- for his first date.
- Frog Ross Restaurant?!
You know frogs remind me of her!
Why? Because of the frog thing?
Jeff, will you hang with me in the van?
I want to keep talking
through my feelings.
If these frogs
have moved into your house
like you say,
then you're already too late.
What do you mean?
Oh, those aren't just any normal frogs.
They're the Brazilian Cuckoo Frog.
and they're extremely danger
Sorry. My spit went down the wrong pipe.
They're extremely dangerous.
This breed of frog
follows a pack of animals around
like wolves follow bison
to see if one of the
pack is trailing behind.
Because usually if an
animal is trailing behind,
it means they are being
ignored and isolated.
The frogs surround this animal
and shower it with attention,
time, even treats
until the animal is so entranced,
that it leaves its own pack
and joins the frog army.
Army is what a group of frogs is called.
Oh!
Once the animal is in the army,
it will do anything
to protect the frogs.
Package of lily pads for Francine Smith.
Ma'am, are you okay?
I'm gonna call someone for you. Ah!
And the army will do anything to keep
the animal for themselves.
And then yada, yada, yada,
the frogs make a foam
nest to lay their eggs in,
and the animal offers herself
up to the newly hatched tadpoles
who devour her from the inside out.
Exsqueeze me?!
We have to go save Mom
before she's eaten!
What's so funny?
That exsqueeze me
just always gets me.
And that's all there is about me.
That's the first thing you've said.
Hi. I'm your waiter, Tipdip.
Are you ready to order?
Now, I haven't been on a
date in a very long time
because I've been married
to the love of my life,
but I do remember that
a woman thinks it's sexy
when a man orders.
She'll start with an
alcoholic Oreo milkshake,
extra thick.
For the entree, the halibut linguine,
but scratch the halibut and
make it a whole branzino,
its eyes towards the lady.
But not staring here,
because her eyes are up here.
Right above her beautiful breasts.
- Hello?
- Dad!
Does Frog Ross still have
that big mechanical frog?
Low ri-der ♪
"Sorry we didn't
continue to love frogs."
Psh. It's a start. Bring it out back.
Guessing that's the foam nest.
They're starting to lay their eggs.
We have to wait for Mom to be asleep,
or she'll fight us off.
Good thing we're here in time for Mom's
famous lawn chair night nap.
- Ahhh!
- Greg?!
I'm here to kill all the frogs!
Starting with this real big one!
Ow!
A Trojan frog?
I should have known.
Where are the real frogs?
In the foam!
Aaah!
Francine, come with us.
These frogs are going to eat you.
I want them to.
Because they're my family.
They're not your family, we are!
It is time.
Adios.
- Mom!
- Save her!
Mom?
Hello?
Where is everyone?
I feel so isolated.
Mom, I'm scared.
I'm sorry if this is how
alone we made you feel.
We should've swam when you asked us to,
after you worked so hard on the pool.
We shouldn't have needed the frogs!
We're sorry!
Stan! Was that you?
What did you think of
the app's usability?
Hi, little guy!
Well, now I'm a "tad" concerned.
Funny right till the end.
I'm so sorry!
I don't know what came over me.
Francine, darling, where are you going?
The babies are hatching.
I can't be your babies' first meal.
I have to be with my family.
Is Mom talking to Jumpers?
Ribbit.
Jumpers, what we had was special
Cut the crap.
I promised my family the three Fs.
Francine frog food.
Greg's in there. Eat him.
Uh, no. He smells. It's you we want.
Eat me!
It's been my life's dream
to be the first human sacrifice
for the Brazilian Cuckoo Frog.
I almost was once,
but my idiotic family saved me.
This works.
No! Ah, yes!
Yes!
Farewell, Francine.
It's been a pleasure.
And to the rest of the Smith family,
ribbit, ribbit.
Bye, Jumpers!
Wow, look what just a little
bit of rest did for Greg.
You all left me with Klaus,
you perfidious [BLEEP]
Bye! Have a beautiful time!