American Dragon: Jake Long (2005) s01e19 Episode Script

So, got the goods?
Never you fear,
the pixie man is here.
(SCREAMS)
Perfect.
My kids have been begging
for one of these for years.
(SCREAMING)
Uh, how do you make it
stop scream--
Sorry, yo.
This sale's off.
-(GRUNTS)
-BOTH: Jake!
It's cool, Jakey.
We got your back.
(SCREAMS)
(WITH BRITISH ACCENT)
Actually, it would appear
that we've got
your backs, love.
Good one, Frankie.
But what's with
the accent?
(BOTH EXCLAIMING)
Ah, just something
I've been working on.
Kind of a fetching
super villian thing, eh?
(LAUGHING)
(WITH BRITISH ACCENT)
Well done, by jove.
(LAUGHING) We should
beat up on people children more often.
(BOTH YELLING)
I was just thinking
the same thing about goblins.
(WITH BRITISH ACCENT)
I shall have my revenge!
Ok, Frankie, enough
with the accent.
Trixie, Spud,
y'all ok?
We should've had
those ugly runts.
Hey, don't sweat it.
Y'all were
tons of help.
(SCOFFS) Help?
Yeah, right.
We're just a couple
of useless sidekicks.
Uh, pump them brakes,
Spud.
We got useful
all up in here.
What about that time we snuck Jake out of
Panderas' tower?
Right into
Panderas himself.
A'ight, well,
we saved him from Rotwood.
After we sold him
to Rotwood.
Oh.
Dang, we reek, yo.
That's not true!
Oh, hey!
want to help me
Let the pixie
out of her cage?
Yeah!
Yeah, yeah!
Now you're talkin'.
Now, you have
to be careful
'cause she's
a little riled up.
Aw, hey, little pixie.
Aw, don't worry.
We're here for you.
Ow!
Spud, watch it!
If you shake her up too much,
she'll get-- Oh!
Sick.
(THEME SONG PLAYING)
He's cool
He's hot
like a frozen sun
He's young and fast
He's the chosen one
People,
we're not braggin'
He's the American Dragon
He's gonna stop
his enemies
With his dragon power
Dragon teeth,
dragon tail
Burnin' dragon fire
Real live wire
American Dragon
Dragon up!
American Dragon
Oh, oh, oh.
Whoa!
He's the American Dragon
Skills are
gettin' faster
With grandpa,
the master
His destiny
will walk up sheets
It's showtime, baby,
for the legacy
American Dragon
From the "JA"
The the "K"
to the "E"
I'm the mackdaddy dragon
of the N.Y.C.
Ya heard!
Jake! Get back
to work!
Aw, man.
JAKE: Easy, gramps.
We're only going
for a weekend.
Luggage is like fiber.
The more we have,
the more smoothly things will run.
Yo, when I was packing,
you said,
"Light luggage
make for light burdens."
Now you have finally
learned, Jake.
For every proverb,
there is an equal and opposite proverb.
Plus this way,
you can carry mine.
Fu Dog, do you have
all the emergency numbers I gave you?
Right here.
Whoops, wrong fold.
Don't worry about a thing.
We got it all under control.
We?
I told you you couldn't
stack them 30 high!
Maybe not horizontally,
But let's try vertically!
Trixie and Spud
are gonna help Fu watch the shop
While we're on
the dragon retreat.
Are you sure you two
are ready for this responsibility?
Hey, we may not be able
to spew flames
Or fly
Or make lacy pillowcases
with one swipe of our claws
Uh, that was for Rose!
I swear!
Careful, you'll rip it!
But I think we can handle
Watching an electronics
shop for a few days.
They'll be fine, gramps.
Besides, you can't
leave Fu Dog
in charge
of the place alone.
Why, 'cause he's
a talking dog?
FU: Uh
I can fix it.
Uh, yes.
Don't sweat a thing.
We'll be fine here.
You two just go
and enjoy your trainer-student retreat.
We are totally
on this.
Bring on
the customers.
There are no customers,
are there?
Nope.
Have you ever
sold anything
to anyone Ever?
Well, there was
this one fella
who came in
a few years ago,
but turns out
the guy fell off a St. Patty's day float
and needed
medical attention.
(SPUD HOLLERS)
Look at me! Whoo!
I'm all ears.
I tasted some of
this candy Fu had, and then--
Kid, be careful.
Those are incredibly powerful
magic ingredients.
What does this one do?
Whoo!
I'm ambi-dangerous!
Kid!
What's this one do?
Yes! I'm losing my head!
Oh, what about this one?
No!
Not my instant sunshine.
You never know
when you might need a sunny day.
Yo, Spud,
You have really
done it this time.
Kid, what'd I tell you
just 5 minutes ago?
Don't touch anything.
Don't open any drawers.
And if a big toothless guy
named Morty
shows up saying,
"Where's the money"?
Tell him I moved
to Machu Picchu. Got it?
Um Aah!
I'm sorry.
I guess I wasn't really
paying attention.
Oh! And I forgot
to tell you.
A friend of yours
stopped by.
Come on in, Morty!
Where's the money?
(GROANS)
Ok, how about we all
just sit still and--
(CRASHING)
I'm sorry. What
were you saying?
(GROANS)
Don't touch anything,
and don't
talk to anyone.
I got a few hundred
years worth of magical mojo to reorder.
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
Hey, Veronica, sweetie.
The Fu needs
a delivery, honey.
Uh, right now isn't
a very good time.
(PEOPLE SCREAMING)
The biker trolls
are back in town.
They're running rampant!
Someone's got to
do something!
Hey, watch it!
All right, hold tight,
Veronica.
I'm on this thing.
Ok, we gotta call Jake.
Yo, hold up.
What's going on?
Biker trolls.
Usually harmless.
Live up
in the mountains.
But, occasionally,
they come into town looking for trouble.
We need the American
Dragon to give them a good scare.
Um, is this a 2 or an 8?
I think it's a mole.
Uh, I thought dogs
weren't supposed to sweat.
They're not supposed
to talk, either, honey.
Keep up, there,
would you? (GROANS)
Now what are we
gonna do?
We gotta figure out
a way to scare off these trolls.
Wait a minute
See, now, dog,
you're trippin'.
Yeah, we're just
sidekicks.
We can't
fight trolls.
We can't even
fight pixies.
We can't pull off
this dragon business.
After the beating
we took yesterday--
Hey! if you would shut
your sassy mouth for 2 seconds,
and space boy
would get his head out of the clouds,
I'll explain.
These mountain trolls
are real mama's boys.
And if there's one thing
they're terrified of,
It's a dragon.
You aren't gonna
have to fight them.
All you've got to do
is show up, and they'll run, screaming.
Uh, you sure about this?
Hey, come on.
Have I ever led you two astray?
The only thing better
than a Tijuana hot dog
Is chasing it with cold,
fresh, Mexico tap water.
(WHIMPERS) My intestines
will never be the same.
Ok, so that's that.
Look, all you two
need to do
is show up
at the Magus Bazaar in a dragon suit,
and the trolls
will go running.
They only come out
at night, so it'll be just dark enough
for this costume to
pass as the real thing. You got it?
Um, yeah, I guess
we could handle that.
Right, Spud?
Totally.
Good. Then let's
get over there.
Over where?
Magus Bazaar, kid.
The Magus Bazaar!
Will you pay
attention, huh?
Oh, yeah, of course.
I think I had an Aunt Magus once,
And she was kind of bizarre.
Uh, she
Ok, we're doomed.
Or maybe it was
Aunt Angus.
(PEOPLE SCREAMING)
Ok, you can do this.
Nice and simple-like.
Dragon up!
Yo, listen up, trolls.
Am-drag is in the hizzouse!
So y'all better just
roll on out of here
before I open up a can of
act right, ya heard me?
(ALL GASP)
What'd I tell you,
sweetheart?
We got this thing
all wrapped up.
It's show---unh!
Ooh, magic doormats!
You can wipe your feet,
and then transport
to a distant locale.
Aah!
Spud, listen to me.
We're a dragon now.
Focus!
Gotcha.
Let's do this.
A'ight, which one of you
wants your troll selves
beaten down first?
Aah, dragon!
Oh, let's high-troll it
out of there!
That's right. That's right.
We the dragon, baby.
We kick troll!
You trolls better run.
You the sorriest excuse
for creatures
that I have ever seen!
And don't even
get me started
talkin' 'bout your mama.
What did you say
about our mama?
Ok, bad move.
Uh, insulting a troll's mama
is about the worst
possible thing you could do.
TROLL 1: Dragon's
goin' down now.
TROLL 2: Who wants
dragon for dinner?
Say your prayers,
reptile.
(GROWLING)
(GASPS)
TROLL: Sun!
Take cover!
It burns!
It burns!
Uh, what just
happened here?
Mountain trolls
turn to stone when the sun hits 'em.
Lucky for you two.
Lucky for me?
If it hadn't been
for Trixie's big mouth,
we would've taken
those trolls.
My big mouth?
Your big, empty head!
If you hadn't been dreaming about
those magic doormat thingies,
those trolls would've
been long gone.
Hey, you can fight
about it later.
Right now, we gotta
get back to the shop and figure out a plan
before these guys
thaw out at sunset.
Hmph.
Hmph.
But I'm serious about
you two fighting later.
We'll rent at ring.
I can sell tickets.
My money's on Trixie to
scratch Spud's eyes out,
But you never know.
(ALARM RINGING)
Then again, if Spud
lands a surprise punch--
(TELEPHONE RINGING)
We're closed.
GRANDPA: Fu Dog?
Uh, I mean,
canal street electronics.
Never had a customer.
Never made a sale.
How may I help you?
Heh heh.
(SPEAKING OTHER LANGUAGE)
What did you destroy
this time?
Hey, nothing!
(MUMBLES)
No, straight,
it couldn't be better.
Gotta bounce. Bye-bye.
(GROANS)
Bad time to make
a call, gramps.
Ok, I got some ogres
in Staten Island
who owe me a few favors.
-Ogres?
-Staten Island?
Yeah, well, what about
me and Spud?
Look, sister,
this is serious now.
You guys had your
chance, and you blew it.
Come on, Fu.
We can do this.
Yeah, unless you think
we're just a couple
of helpless slackers
who aren't worth
a second chance.
Yeah, I gotta go
with the slacker thing. Now, these ogres--
Hold it!
Hey, look here, Fu.
It was your idea we put on the dragon
suit in the first place.
So I suggest
you stick with the plan,
or gramps will find out
that you made us do Jake's dirty work.
Ya feel me, mutt?
Ok, the Fu always carries a
secret stash of magical ingredients.
Put the costume on.
If you're gonna do this,
you're going in armed.
Yes! Fu Dog's gonna
give us extra arms!
I'll take 8.
No, make it 17!
Not that kind
of arms, kid.
A little
butterfly spit-- bang.
Some essence
of bat sinew-- baboom.
And one eye of newt,
which does nothing,
but you gotta have
newt in a potion.
You just gotta.
Huh?
Ooh!
Ok, what just
happened here?
(BURPS)
Oh, snap!
As long as you're
in the suit, you got dragon powers.
Not as much as Jake,
but maybe enough to take out a few trolls.
We've got dragon powers?
Oh, we rock!
That's right!
I am dragon.
Hear me roar!
BOTH: Whoa!
(BURPS)
Ooh, our bad.
All right.
You ready to
take on some trolls?
Oh, yeah,
we on this, baby!
Whatever it takes!
Ok, let's get
to training.
Training? You mean,
like, work?
You mean, like, now?
Yes, now!
Whoa, Fu Doggie dog.
We gotta
catch some shut-eye.
Yeah, plus it's
like, Saturday.
I got a full agenda
of chilling, hanging out,
and loitering planned.
Well, Jake always
manages to balance
sleep, chilling,
and dragon training.
-Yeah, but
-Yeah
-Aw, man.
-Aw, man.
FU: Ok, let's start
with tail moves.
The costume
is bewitched to move
when Spud moves
his, uh, tail area.
Wow! Ha!
That's some motion
in my posterior ocean.
Ok, but the trick is
learning to control it.
Ok, come on.
Knock me down.
Give it a good swish.
Hyah!
Come on.
Give me your best shot.
You a dragon or a-- doh!
Whoa!
That's some
left hook you got there.
Aerial maneuvers.
It's one thing to fly.
It's another to own the sky.
Now flap!
Flap, flap, flap, flap!
(BOTH GRUNTING)
Yay, we flyin' now!
Whoo-hoo! I can see
my house from here.
That's how it's done.
You guys are really getting
the hang of this here.
SPUD: Barrel roll!
Kid, no!
You got cargo!
Aah!
Ow.
Fireball training.
Ready?
Yo, dog,
we was born ready.
Me and Spud are so
on top of this thing,
We gettin' short
on oxygen up here.
Ok.
Dragon fire.
On 3.
2, 1
(BURPS)
(EXCLAIMS)
Yo, Spudinski,
the dragon head
is the end that breathes fire!
You gotta
pay attention, dude!
Well, you said me and Spud,
meaning me.
Well, I was just sayin'.
Well, you're always saying
something, now, aren't you?
(FU GRUNTING)
Yeah! Yeah, baby!
We got
the tail moves down!
Whoo!
Ok, this is the part
where you put it all together.
I've taken the liberty
of drawing up my will,
so as soon as I get
this thing notarized--
Hey!
Ooh
(BOTH HOLLERING)
Holy biscuits, you kids really
got the hang of this thing!
You're awesome!
You're great!
(ALL SHOUTING)
(FU GROANS)
You're crushing me
with blocks of pain.
Yeah, we're still working
on the landing. Uh
Well, you're gonna
have to work on it at Magus Bazaar,
because
it's show time.
(GROWLS)
Oh, darn pigeons!
That was my favorite shirt.
Man, I hate it
when that happens.
I know what
you mean, trolls.
(EXCLAIMS)
(TROLL SCREAMING)
Yeah, I taught 'em
everything they know.
(TROLLS SCREAMING)
Yeah, that's right.
We gettin' dragon
with it now.
Old school. Nice.
-Hey!
-Hey!
-Hey!
-Oof!
(BOTH EXCLAIMING)
Hyah!
Whoo-hoo!
This stuff rocks!
We are kicking some
serious troll business.
Uh, Trix,
speaking of serious
troll business
It's mama.
BOTH: Mama's coming.
(ENGINE REVVING)
(GROWLING)
(GRUNTING)
(ROARS)
Is this all
you got for mama?
Sweet sister molasses,
your mama's even
uglier than I thought.
Aah!
I don't think
that's gonna help.
Yeah, ok,
you're right.
You ready
to do this?
All for one!
And one for all!
(GROWLING)
Which one of you two
insulted mama?
-He did.
-She did.
(GROWLING)
Abort! Abort!
Let's get out of here!
(BOTH GRUNTING)
Magic door mats!
Let's glide!
Hey!
FU: put it on my tab.
You haven't paid
your tab since '96!
Morty!
Where's the money?
Get 'em!
(ENGINES ROARING)
BOTH: Whoa!
SPUD: Excuse me. Pardon me.
FU: Hey,
I'm flyin' here!
(GROWLS)
(GROWLING)
(MUMBLING)
(SCREAMS)
(TIRES SQUEALING)
TRIXIE: Are they gone?
FU: No!
FU: Barricade the door.
Get in the back room.
We got enough food and water
to survive for days.
Luckily, you kids
knocked over all those snack carts.
(POUNDING ON DOOR)
(TELEPHONE RINGING)
Canal street electronics.
Never had a customer.
Never had a sale.
How may I help you?
-Trixie?
-Live and in person, baby.
What's shakin', Jakey?
Not much.
I just called to see how it's going.
Gramps said you
sounded a little weird before.
(WHISTLE BLOWS)
Uh, weird?
Who's weird?
We're not weird.
Nobody's weird.
Everything's running
slicker than grease, baby boy.
(SLAMS)
MAMA TROLL: Here comes mama!
Boys, take this place
apart!
Whoa!
(CRASHES)
Yo, what's that noise?
Oh, that?
Uh, that's just
Spud's stomach grumbling.
Yeah, you know how homeboy
can't handle his cheesecake.
(ENGINE ROARING)
Uh, yeah, well,
gotta run.
Bye-bye, babe.
(GRUNTS)
GRANDPA: Bad time
to make a phone call.
(SCREAMING)
Ahh. Ok, now quick.
Magic B.I. So we
can fight these trolls!
Eh, I'm all out of
magic B.I., remember?
(SIGHS)
I miss my third arm.
Come on, Spud.
Let's take these guys.
We can't do it!
We're not
dragon enough!
We're just sidekicks!
Well, then we're just
gonna have to show mama
exactly what these
sidekicks is made of.
Here's mama!
Whaa!
Yikes!
Dragon powers or not,
You trolls are about
to get the business.
(YELLS)
Smile, mama.
(GRUNTING, SHOUTING)
You trolls are toast!
Ow. Whoa!
(GRUNTING)
Hey, yo, Spud,
Toss me some more cds!
Whoo! Wow, I wonder
what this one does.
Kid, no! What
did I tell you
about getting
into my stuff?
That's my last
Instant sunshine!
(MAMA GROANING)
Mama!
Mama, talk to us!
Hey, look here.
Your mama ain't the only one
who'll be taking a trip
down Stonybrook Lane
if you uggos don't
pack up your bad selves
and get the heck out.
That's what you get
for messing with us.
Yo mama is so
turned to stone that--
That's probably enough.
(TIRES SQUEAL)
(CRASHES)
We did it!
Yeah, we did it, baby!
But that was all you, Spud.
All not paying attention,
accidentally pulling out
the instant sunshine
No way, it was you.
Chasing the trolls off
with your big, fat mouth.
Ha ha ha!
Yeah!
-Whoo!
-All right!
And, as usual,
the talking dog gets no credit whatsoever.
You think gramps
will notice
all the missing
inventory that we broke?
You kidding?
I've been pawning this stuff
for kibble since '83.
That old man hasn't checked
the inventory for-- hey!
How was the retreat?
Surprisingly painful.
How was your weekend?
Mmm, the usual.
Pretty mellow.
Just updating the books real quick.
Turns out mountain trolls
are now scared of two things.
Dragons,
and Trixie and Spud.
Nah, it was nothing.
Just some good,
old-fashioned sidekick whoopin'.
Well, I'm just glad
that everything
turned out ok
while we were--
Ahh! (GRUNTS)
Why are there
motorcycle tracks on my ceiling?
BOTH: Aw, man.