American Dragon: Jake Long (2005) s02e14 Episode Script

Haley Gone Wild

3 straight nights
of buzzing, blasting,
blinking, blazmataz!
If heaven is anything
like a video game convention,
I'm prepared to be a very,
very good boy to get there.
Plastic bag? For free?
Oh, Jake, this is heaven!
And I can't believe
you're missin' it.
Why don't you remind me
how much fun you're having
while I'm here painting
self portraits with my toes.
Stupid school-night-
no-going-out rules.
That I let you talk me
into this wearing this
kamikai big hand
kung fu 3 costume.
I thought we were
both gonna dress up.
I told you
it's a team costume.
I'm the kamikplayer.
Well, you can switch it
to solo mode, playa.
Dressed like some kind of
bride of freakenstein.
Nice kamikai costume!
This really is heaven.
Oh, uh, sorry for
rubbing it in, jakey.
Have fun
with that toe thing.
Yo, I can't take this anymore!
Spud: Uh,
can you repeat that?
All the fun makes it
pretty hard to hear.
Just save me a spot
in the game testing line.
I'm on my way.
Well, most of me anyway.
Yes, a perfect chi
doppelganger copy.
Give it up
for dragon powers.
Dragon up!
Just lie down
and pretend to be asleep.
I'll be home at--
I need the glue
for an art project.
It's, uh, not in here.
Come on, Jake!
My toothpick Taj Mahal
is already crumbling.
Yo, Haley, can't you see
the door's locked?
That's ok. I figured out
how to pick this lock
ages ago.
What? No, no! Hey!
Is there a fire
or trouble outside?
Where are you going, Jake?
Yes, Jake,
where are you going?
Getting some
More glue?
Heh heh.
He's hot
like a frozen sun ♪
He's young and fast ♪
He's the chosen one ♪
we're not braggin' ♪
He's the American dragon ♪
He's gonna stop
his enemies ♪
With his dragon power ♪
Dragon teeth,
dragon tail ♪
Burnin' dragon fire ♪
Real live wire ♪
American dragon ♪
American dragon ♪
He's the American dragon ♪
Skills are
gettin' faster ♪
With grandpa,
the master ♪
His destiny
will walk up sheets ♪
It's showtime, baby,
for the legacy ♪
American dragon ♪
I'm the magical protector
from the N.Y.C. ♪
Ya heard!
I would drowning
in powered sugar
right now, mister.
Then we're gonna have
to find other ways
to keep you safe.
Like this ground-o-matic
terrible teen security
Window and door alarms,
motion sensor,
a siren
like a fire truck
driving straight through
your eardrums.
How do you like
those rotten apples,
sir sneaks-a-lot out
A lot?
I don't think any of us have
anything left to say except--
[beep beep]
[Low hum]
Don't you think
dad's going a little
overboard on this?
I mean, what if
I got dragon business
late at night?
Then your grandfather
will call me,
and I'll turn off
the system.
But mom--
I'm sorry, Jake.
But you brought this
on yourself.
Teenager escaping!
[Speaking Spanish]
[Beep beep]
Thanks, honey.
I brought back the glue.
Because it doesn't work
if I don't know for sure
you're doing it.
See, the whole point
is that--
Yes! I'm giving you
the silent treatment.
Oh, you're not
very good at it then.
But it's not like
I deserve it anyway.
You're miss goody
two-shoes who never
does anything wrong.
What? Is that supposed
to be a bad thing?
Polly perfect.
I never said I was--
Nelly mcnice-nice.
Princess kiss-up.
I asked you to--
Debbie do-good.
That's not--
St. perfectus.
I said--
Little Haley halo.
Stop it!
I'm not always
a goody two-shoes.
Sometimes I start
to think about maybe
doing something
that's not completely good.
Oh, yeah? Like what?
Ok. I've got one.
There's this
new TV show I like called
it's about a wacky puppet
and crazy songs.
And it's not even educational.
But it's so, so funny.
Dad says
I'm not allowed to watch.
He says the pooka puppet
is too darn creepy.
But I really want
to watch it anyway.
Does that make me
a horrible person?
Ha ha ha!
That's it?
I've got at least
6 patented methods
of watching shows
mom and dad hate.
And I'd be happy
to share my technique.
Dad said "no."
And it's against my nature
to get in trouble.
My bad. Here,
can I shine up those
goody two-shoes for you?
Bring on the pooka.
I'm thinkin' we'll go
with patented method
number 4.
I just thought
you might want some help
cleaning the storage closet.
I'm sure a lot of things
in there could go to
people in need.
Of course, my little bundle
of all that is sweet and good.
Just try not
to work too hard, dear.
You wouldn't want
to strain your angel wings.
Thanks, grandpa.
I tell ya.
That little girlie girl
can do no wrong.
I'm turning your farm
into a minor league
baseball stadium.
Ha ha ha!
Oh, you like baseball?
Ha ha ha.
Well, here's the wind up.
Hee hee hee.
And here's the pitch.
1, 2, 3, 4.
Mooka mooka na-go-na ♪
Waki waki chick sa do ♪
Sashi sashi ba-go-ba ♪
Do-ga pooka's
rock and roll ♪
Ha ha ha!
Pooka pooka!
Jake: Have fun?
Why are you sneaking
into your own house?
Of course I look guilty.
I am guilty.
Do you know how much
trouble I could get in?
[Breathing heavily]
Easy there,
public enemy number one.
If I knew how bad
you were going to take it.
Bad? Are you joking?
I've never felt
so alive!
I have to have more!
I'll do anything!
Just take me along
for the ride.
Yeah i don't know if
Hey, you, uh, wouldn't have
any ideas on getting past
the terrible teen security
system would you?
That alarm remote
is so cool, dad.
Can I study its
internal wiring tonight?
I'm thinking of taking
a course in solid state
Oh, sure thing,
for my responsible
and trustworthy
little girl.
Haley: Terrible teen main system
shut off activated.
I am definitely
liking the new Haley.
Whoa, wait. Nobody said
we're doing the costume
thing again tonight.
I didn't bring
my game pad.
I'm costume naked!
It ain't got
nothin' to do with you, boy.
My super fine kamikai boy
recognize me.
Greetings. Would my lady
care to dance, dance
party blast?
Why, yes,
your lady would.
J-man, you made it, buddy.
Aah! Tattle-tale police!
Run, Jake. I'll distract her.
Hey--hey, look,
I'm a human petting zoo.
[Imitating goat]
I'm an old goat.
[Imitating pig]
I'm a baby piggy.
Ahh, someone scratch me.
It's ok, spud.
Haley's with me.
Oh, well, in that case,
may I recommend
trying to score
a free plastic tote bag?
Sure to become a valuable
collector's item.
All the other free stuff
they give away?
Ahh, flying disks,
glow erasers,
licorice joy sticks--
So much, so free.
It's like heaven
got a bonus level.
Well, looks like it's just--
Pooka pooka!
Hee hee hee!
Pooka pooka pooka!
Uh, ok, so we'll
just meet back at
the house at midnight!
Pooka pooka!
and laughing]
Shoot, I gotta go!
Yeah, tell me about it.
But once the kamikai
costume comes on,
it's like half an hour
of zipper time
before you can
even think about--
No, I mean,
I gotta go home.
Well, can I see you
some other time?
I really gotta go
right now.
That was awesome!
How come you never
told me how cool it was
to walk on the wild side?
Let's just get inside--
I blew a whole month
of allowance on
pooka pooka stuff.
They even had a DVD.
That's great, but--
And what a rush shoving
those other kids
out of the way
to cut in the pooka
karaoke line.
When I robbed grandpa's
shop on the way home.
Yeah, that's--
Wait. You what?
Oh, don't be such
a goody two-shoes, Jake.
Nobody saw me.
[Alarm ringing]
Come on, which one of you
is the snooze button.
would you do that?!
Portable DVD player.
Gotta watch
my pooka pooka.
You're not going
to tell on me right?
Because that would be
an extremely bad idea.
Ok, good night.
Ahh, man.
Shake your legsies
for bacon and eggsies.
Cool. I'm starving from, uh,
a fool night of thinking
about my actions.
Ok, now, you got
that right, mister.
Ok, I'm coming already!
Um pumpkin.
Uh there wouldn't
happen to be a second
bonus April fool's day
this year is there?
What is
your problem, dad? Ugh!
Cooked animals
and mush. Yum.
Is something wrong,
Jake, do you know
anything about this?
That reminds me,
I'm working on
another art project.
It's an oatmeal painting.
I call it,
the boy who talked too much.
And this is where
the meat hammer goes.
A little gruesome,
don't you think, sweetie?
Very creative
use of raisins though.
I'm out.
I'll pick up an energy drink
and some pork rinds
on the way to school.
Just butt out! Ugh!
I took her too far
too fast.
And now I don't know
how to bring her back.
If I tell my parents,
I'll never leave
my room again.
You know what always
cheers me up?
The spacedog armada
novelty slide whistle.
You think you've got
trouble, I didn't even
get that boys name.
All I have to remember him
by is this kamikai
big hand glove.
So why don't you just
look for the guy
in the kamikai costume?
You think
he'd wear that thing
without the big hand?
Boy, please, my man keeps
his kamikai ri-zzeal.
He's like a Kyle Wilkins
with a sizzlin' double scoop
of mystery and excitement.
Come on!
Give me the good stuff!
What the?
Free nutterfudge bars!
Want one?
Aren't you suppose to
be in in school?
Aren't you?
[Bell rings]
Better get back
to class, Jake.
Dragon up!
[All talking excitedly]
Jake: Dragon up!
Get back here, you
little shoplifting punk!
Cool! Something to wash
down the nutterfudge.
5 claw discount.
Haley, you're kind of
going overboard
with this breaking
the rules thing.
Talk to the can,
Johnny no fun.
Hey, that's--pbblth.
Jake: I'm not
playing here, Haley!
[Imitating man]
Hello, school nurse?
This is Haley long's doctor.
She's very sick
with a booger infection
and can't come to school
for at least 2--
Game over.
You're not
the dragon master of me.
Oh, you do not
want to escalate.
Both: Dragon up!
[Fighting sounds]
Ooh! Pooka pooka time!
Pooka pooka!
Pooka: My prized posies.
Pooka pooka!
[Haley laughs]
What are you doing?
Uh, pooka cha-cha?
Don't worry,
Mom and dad
aren't home.
Come on and watch
with me.
It's an all-new
episode today.
[telephone rings]
It's so off her
life path to be late
for dragon training.
Uh, Haley's not really
herself right now.
I'm trying to watch
pooka pooka!
Ha ha ha!
I know what
Was that Haley?
Can I speak
with her?
3, 4 ♪
What's that?
That's singing.
It's just Haley's
dumb TV show.
I'm listening.
Get Haley
away from
the television.
Aw, man.
Well, tack tack tacklin' ♪
Hey there, pookapants,
give me some love ♪
I was really hoping
I wasn't right.
What is it?
What's going on?
That's no puppet.
A powerful, magical creature
skilled in enchantments.
And those songs of his
are mind-control spells.
Mind control?
We just got
one small dose.
Who knows how much
Haley's been getting.
And every other
pooka pooka fan out there.
There could be thousands
under his spell.
The pooka thrives
on mayhem and chaos.
There's gotta be
a potion or something
to switch those kids
back to normal.
If Haley's gone,
then the pooka must already
be gathering
his hoodlum troops.
We have to find them now!
How could you not spot
a furry puppet dude
rounding up a huge crowd
of kids?
Unless there already was
a huge crowd of kids.
Come on!
All: Pooka pooka rules!
Jake: In here.
Any sign of them?
No, I can't see any--
Trixie: Try it on!
If the big hand fits,
you must be it.
I don't know what kind
of stank is in there.
Try it on!
Ok, it ain't you.
You then.
Or you. Or you.
Trix, Haley's been
taken by some
little puppet dude,
and we can't find
her or him anywhere.
I may be reaching,
but what about
that furry little guy
over there?
Waki waki
chick sa do ♪
Sashi sashi ba-go-ba ♪
Do-ga pooka's
rock and roll ♪
Haley: Pooka pooka pooka!
Jake: Come on.
Yep, I'm
[Grunting] Slowly
Dragons! [Gasps]
Let's take this
pooka party downstairs!
Excuse me.
Coming through.
Let's go pooka-wild
on this city. Ha ha ha!
And I'll use my
meditation training
to calm the crowd.
Ok, people.
Breathe in the light
and out
the evil puppet man.
We made it!
Pooka, on the loose-a.
Jake: Not quite.
End of the line,
Isn't this
a precarious situation.
Haley: I'll protect you,
Haley, no! No!
Dragon up!
So I've got a very special
pooka fan, do I?
Clear your minds,
Violence is the path of
the weak and cowardly.
Boy: Oh, forget you!
Girl: Get her!
Get out of the way!
[All shouting]
Go weak and cowardly
on their behinds already.
But one dragon is worth
1,000 of you losers.
Ha ha ha!
Ta tee ta ta!
[All crying]
Hey, I made it.
Jake: Uhh!
Haley: Stop!
Pooka pain!
Pooka poke!
Take that pooka hater
Then we can go raise some
mayhem dragon style!
I'm bigger, stronger,
and been doing this longer.
Yeah? Well, I cheat.
Ha! Missed me! Missed me!
Now you gotta--
[Subway whistle blows]
Haley, hang on!
Girl: Where are we?
There's no way we can
get all these kids
focused on one thing.
There is one way,
but it requires
a sacrifice
almost too horrible
to contemplate.
Well, get on
with the sacrifice, boy!
Oh, all right.
Hey! Who likes free
video game related
promotional toys?
[Crying stops]
[All cheering]
That's it.
One at a time.
Off you go
up the stairs,
little kipper.
Really? You're
in a band, too?
Well, actually
I just play
the tambourine
and smile a lot,
Come on,
fight like a pooka.
Go for
the cheap shot!
Who's the big, strong
dragon now,
finish him.
Pooka commands you.
feela rists ♪
Come on, Haley,
you can fight
his brainwashing.
Remember who you are
deep down.
I know you can do it!
Then I guess you won't mind
if I do this.
[Beep, dialing]
Yeah, I just called
to tell you that me and Haley
snuck out of the house
to go to vidgame con Twice.
Mom: What?!
You are both
You told on me?
Uh, what
do you care?
pooka people.
We're all about
the fun.
Oh, and Haley says
to tell dad
she's been watching
that puppet show he hates.
Dad: Now, you know how
I hate that creepy puppet.
You get home right away.
That is a bunch
of brainwashing.
Sounds like we're in
pretty big trouble.
I can't get
in trouble.
It's against
my nature!
This is
This is
This is all
your fault!
You made me do
all this!
You want first crack
at him?
Haley: Hyah!
Can't believe
you gave up all
the free goodies.
All possessions
are fleeting,
dang! I was just
gonna say sometimes
life's a punk like that,
but yours was
way more poetic.
Hey, hey!
It's my kamikai girlfriend.
Oh, and you found
my big hand glove.
Uh, what you talkin'
about, short stuff?
Oh, yeah.
That's the custom fit.
Oh, no.
Pump them brakes.
You are not
my kamikai man.
You're like
6 years younger
and umpteen inches
Heh heh heh.
Yeah, you'd be amazed
what platform boots
and foam muscles can do.
You wanna go dance again?
Or we could just kiss
or something.
I thought you were
a Kyle Wilkins
of mystery
and excitement.
You know
my big brother Kyle?
I'll have to tell him
we're boyfriend/girlfriend.
Uh, what's your name again?
Oh, no!
Sorry I went hostile
on you.
If I hadn't teased
you into breaking
the rules,
you never would
have gotten hooked
on that show
in the first place.
I guess maybe being
a goody two-shoes
isn't such
a bad thing.
It was kind of fun
hanging out with you.
Good. 'Cause I got
a feeling
we're gonna be
spending a whole lot
of time at home
Dad: That is right.
You will never leave
my house again.
You are staying here
if I have to bolt you
to the floor.
Instead, enjoy
this educational program
and make you a more
self-actualized young person.
Ludwig Von Beethoven.
The water cycle.
The pythagorean theorem.
Ok, even I have to admit
this is boring.
Let's watch
belching monkeys.
[All belching]
Oh, yeah.
Now that's good TV.
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