American Horror Stories (2021) s01e02 Episode Script

Rubber(wo)Man - Part Two

("Twisted Nerve" by
Bernard Herrmann playing)
- (knife clicking)

(echoing): No!


My parents died when I was six.
Car crash.
I was sent to live with my Uncle Tony.
I'd never met him
before, but Tony was cool.
At first.
Sadists are patient motherfuckers.
He spent the first year
getting me toys for no reason
and having ice cream for dinner
and teaching me how to ride
a bike and add fractions.
I was some orphan kid,
so he could've given me a hug
a week and I would've loved him.
The first time he hurt
me was on Christmas.
He bought himself
- a little low-volt cattle prod.
- (electrical crackling)
A couple of days later,
I got my first spanking
for leaving the top off the toothpaste.
I was bleeding for two days from it.
I'm so sorry.
He saved the real coup de
grâce for my 16th birthday.
He promised me a gift
I would never forget.
He loaded me in the car.
And we drove for six hours
into the desert in Arizona.
I thought maybe he
was just gonna kill me
and bury me out there.
But then we got to Tucson
and pulled into one of those
shitty suburban developments.
Tony was pissing his
pants, he was so excited.
A car pulled into the driveway,
and he got out his phone to videotape me
as I watched the couple who lived there
get out of their car.
(breath trembles)
It was my parents.
They never died.
Tony wasn't my uncle.
He was just some prick they sold me to
when they were done with me.
That's horrible.
I didn't even cry when I saw them.
I just let myself die inside.
All I felt was pain and hate.
I wanted to kill every living
thing I saw or thought about.
Fortunately, the person
I hated the most was me.
So I decided to kill myself first
and save the world all the trouble.
Why here?
Anyone who lives in L.A.
knows about this place.
Anyone obsessed with
famous murders, at least,
which is, like, everyone.
- (chuckles)
- I thought it would make news
if they found me in here.
No one was living here at the time,
so I snuck in and slit my wrists.
No one told me that if you die here,
you're stuck here forever!
I don't remember hearing
anything on the news.
The Realtor who was selling the house
found my body and the note.
She buried my bones in the backyard
and burned the note.
Fucking irony.
You seem happy here, though.
Be here with me.
I know you're like me.
Kill yourself,
and we can be together forever.

(gate creaks)
(doorbell rings)
JUAREZ: It's not that
hard to hide one girl,
alive or dead, for a month or two.
Even longer. But four of them?
You're almost guaranteed
one of them would get away
- or turn up.
- Well, we're praying for them.
Even after the way they
bullied our daughter.
Can't imagine what their
parents are going through.
Is there some new information
since you guys came around
right after they disappeared?
'Cause we have nothing new to offer.
We finally got a warrant to check
your daughter's cell phone records.
She called the girls from here
about an hour after the livestream.
According to the missing
girl's Snapchat tracking,
they all drove here together,
and about 20 minutes later
their cell phones stopped transmitting
- any signal at all.
- W-Wait (chuckles)
You're saying they were here that night?
But their car was found out
front of that girl Maya's house.
Five-minute drive there,
half-hour walk back.
Someone could have easily
driven it back that night
and walked home.
I-I'm sorry, are you saying
that think Scarlett had something to do
- with this?
- TROY: Oh, come on.
Like you said, there were four of them.
Scarlett's a 16-year-old girl
who failed gym last semester.
She has one friend, and
she wasn't here that night.
She has you guys.
Uh, okay. Yeah. We're done talking here,
at least not without a lawyer present.
Anything we say now, they're
just gonna twist and turn
to fit their narrative.
Please just leave.
We will be in touch.
(bird cawing in distance)
What'd they want?
Is there something you
need to tell us, sweetheart?
Because we love you.
No matter what, we will always do
everything we can to protect you.
I didn't hurt those girls.
But they were here that night?
Maybe the ghost killed them.
(footsteps ascending stairs)
WOMAN (whispering): We're
waiting for you, Scarlett.
(echoing): Scarlett. Scarlett.
Scarlett. Scarlett.
- (faint thud)
- (gasps)
Hey, I'm sorry, but we
need to schedule a session.
You'd think in death
I'd want to stop working,
but you know what, not even
death can stop ambition.
(chuckles) Long way of saying:
I'm here if you want to talk.
You gonna kill us again?
Can we please kill her now?
ROWENA: Yeah, how long
do we have to wait?
We've got all the time in the world.
So, we can only kill her once,
but we can torment her
and make sure she doesn't sleep at night
for a very long time.
Because she'll never really know
Is today the day they
finally decide to do it?
Is today the day they
finally get their revenge?
(knife whooshes)
You're not gonna do shit.
NICOLE: I know her. She's a ghost here.
- She's she's mean.
- So what? So are we.
(scoffs) Not like me.
- We should go.
- There's four of us and only one of her.
- It won't matter.
- What the hell did she even do to you?
Stay away from her,
or I swear I'm gonna go turn this house
into a new circle of
hell for all of you.
(knife drops)
(breathing heavily)

TROY: We expected her to be morose
after those girls from
her school went missing,
but it's been almost two months now.
Shouldn't she be feeling better?
I'm not bummed about those
bitches going missing.
Well, then what is it?
You don't talk to us
about anything anymore.
You look like you
haven't slept in weeks.
I mean, you never have Shanti over.
That's for her own good.
What-what the hell does that mean?
MICHAEL: I understand, hon.
Dr. Grant told us
that this could happen.
That knowing that awful
things happened in a place
- can make your psyche darker.
- TROY: Oh, my God. Not this again.
- He started to see things.
- Don't be dismiss me.
- He started to see ghosts.
- Uh, just one.
Energy. I mean, you can call it a ghost.
- I-I think that's what it was.
- Oh, yeah.
It wasn't just any ghost.
Oh, shit! Oh!
The pig man. A man pig.
- A ghost with a with a huge pig head on it.
- I googled what it was.
It's an urban legend about
a-a butcher from Chicago
- in the 1800s.
- And he ran and got me.
But by the time we made it back,
he conveniently disappeared.
- But I smelled bacon, bacon in the air.
- This isn't a joke to me, Troy.
I saw something.
Can we grow up just
a little bit? Please?
Now, I can't explain it
Oh, I can. He had a
Klonopin and three glasses
of Chardonnay that night.
You didn't tell me
you were seeing ghosts.
Is that why you guys have been
fighting for the past month?
No. He has cold feet
about buying this place,
and he is pretending
that it's really haunted
to try to make me sell.
Well, I'm not gonna play
your Scooby-Doo games, Michael Winslow.
This is my dream.
It was my dream too, Troy,
but we're going broke.
We thought we could handle
this on our own, but we can't.
And the bids we've gotten from
the contractors are insane.
I'm gonna have to cash in my 401(k).
Troy, considering the fact
that two of your family members
are suffering, maybe it's
time to reconsider your dream.
Well, you know, one of
them is a teenaged girl
who was pretty darn moody
without the dark spirits
- of this house's help.
- Thanks.
And the other one is a selfish man
- who breaks out in hives whenever I get my way.
- I'm selfish? I'm selfish?
- That's what's happening.
- All I want is for all of us
to be together and happy.
But I am scared.
Either I am losing my mind,
or we're in danger here.
Wh-What if the stories about
this place are all true?
TROY: Oh, my God.
Is that why you called
a family therapy session?
- I
- So you can get her to validate
- your insane ghost fantasies?
- I didn't book the session, Troy.
- You did.
- Jesus Christ, Michael.
She was here when I got
home from the hardware store.
That's all the time we
have for today, but I'd like
for all of us to meet again next week.
I'll see myself out.
(Troy sighs)
You know, it's not perfect, but
I like it here.
I like how it feels to be in this house.
Honey, you don't feel all the
pain that's been inflicted here?
Of course I do.
That's what I like about it.
(Adam sighs)
So, who's your contractor?
- Uh, YouTube.
- Hmm.
Yeah, we've-we've been
sort of DIY'ing it.
There are some really
informative videos online
for all kinds of stuff.
Wiring. Installing drywall.
Want to go upstairs?
Second bedroom.
ADAM: Ooh.
Okay. Wow.
Yeah. Our, uh, daughter
actually finished that off.
Is she blind? Or have some kind
of learning disability
that makes her not be able
to know if something's level?
Uh, no, not as far as I know.
You ever hear the saying, "A
man who defends himself in court
- has an idiot for a client"?
- Sure.
(sighs) Do you know what a man
who hires himself as a contractor
to fix his own house is?
Usually divorced.
You're not saving any
money if you have to end up
doing all the work again
because you fucked it up
- the first time.
- I know, I know.
I just, I We bit off too much.
And I haven't told my husband this,
but I have been dipping into
our daughter's college fund
to keep things moving. I know.
I figure we'll get it all back,
but only if we finish the job quickly.
Which is why I called you.
We are overwhelmed. Please just
tell me you'll take this job on.
I will drop to my knees and
I will beg, if I have to.
How'd you find me?
You were the only contractor
who had a shirtless photo
of himself on Angie's List.
- It's hard to stand out these days.
- Ah. Well, mission accomplished.
(Adam and Troy chuckle)
(loud clattering)
Oh. Michael.
This is, uh, Adam.
He is a contractor, and his initial bid
was much lower than the others.
Unless it's free, we don't
have the money to pay him.
We have almost no extra cash.
And while you may be
great at sucking dick,
with all the work we have left to do,
a couple BJs aren't gonna
make up the difference.
Listen, this, it's a high-profile gig.
"I remodeled the haunted
house and survived"
is a pretty good selling
point for new clients.
Why don't I come back,
I'll take a look around,
and I'll give you a rough estimate
of how many BJs it would
take for me to do the job.
I'm kidding.
I know I can find a way to
make this work for all of us.
- Tomorrow a. m. cool?
- Yes. That is wonderful.
- Thank you.
- Sure.
You're cruel.
You kind of get off on hurting people.
It's subtle, like the joy you take
in not returning a phone call,
or being the first to tell someone
that their partner is cheating,
or that you just came from a party
they weren't invited
to It's so subtle, Troy.
It just looks like a
little bit of naughty fun.
But I know it's more than that to you.
Wait, you're just now
realizing this about me?
- After 20 years?
- No, I've always known.
I guess I liked it. Or I didn't care.
But that was because you never
turned your cruelty toward me.
Oh, he is a contractor,
Michael; he's not a weapon.
And I don't even think he's gay.
That's not the point.
We don't have an open relationship,
and you flirting with him
like that, in our house,
in front of me, that
was an act of violence
- towards our marriage.
- Michael,
you are losing your mind.
Flirting is not fucking, okay?
I'm-I'm sorry if I needed a
little bit of life and fun,
since my husband started
consorting with the dead.
We're in trouble, Troy.
We need to get out
of this fucking house.
No. No. Michael,
we need to hire Adam to
help us finish the job here.
Honey, we're way over our heads, okay?
I promise you, once we do,
we will have a real talk
about what we want to do next.
All right?
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
Do you really think I'm cruel?
MICHAEL: I don't know
what I think anymore.

This has to be our secret, okay?
Michael and I do not
have an open relationship.
(chuckles softly)
ADAM: Not even an HJ from a
masseuse every now and again?
- TROY (chuckles): No.
- What kind of gays are you?
You know, I just got out
of a bad relationship, too.
To a woman. So I get
what you're going through.
- Okay.
- Yeah.
Uh, you weren't just, like, hinting
that you think that I
should get a divorce?
Oh, you? Not at all.
I was just telling you my truth.
It's, like, I mean,
Michael is losing his mind.
I can't stand him right now.
This house is gonna pay
off like a slot machine,
but only if we put all
of our energy into it.
(sighs) It's
Our finances are not the
issue; his negativity is.
I get it. Redoing a house
puts a strain on people,
especially relationships.
If you want your marriage to survive,
you should have sex with
me as much as possible
to distract you until the job's done.
- Really?
- Mm-hmm.
(Troy chuckles softly)
(footsteps approaching)
MARTIN: Señor Adam?
(chuckles): Fuck.
(footsteps approaching)
MARTIN: All the way back here.
Oh, God.
I think there's a dead
racoon or something in there.
My God.
(clicks tongue)
- (flies buzzing)
- Oh, my God.
- (Troy stammering)
- No, we-we had no idea.
- No, please. Please, I didn't
- That was not us. Okay?
Oh, shit!
- What the fuck?
- Oh, fuck! Fuck!
- TROY: Oh, my God!
- MICHAEL: What the fuck?!
He's a good man. He
was gonna be a problem.
- What the fuck?
- Now all three of us are in this together.
- What? Fuck you. You're crazy.
- No, no, no.
I'm just seizing an opportunity.
I'm gonna be honest with you.
I'm in kind of a tough
spot right now, work-wise.
I've got a couple outstanding lawsuits,
not to mention my divorce,
and I may or may not have
stolen some clients' funds.
Wha? I don't have to keep
anything from you guys now.
- I'm calling the police.
- What the fuck you think they're gonna do?
They're gonna be so distracted
with the dead laborer
that they're not gonna
notice the four dead girls
they've been looking for for months?
Oh, Jesus Christ!
ADAM: Here's my proposal.
We put Martin in the
crawlspace with the ladies,
then we just put some lime on them
to cover the smell this time,
button it up, good as new,
- never mention any of this again.
- Oh, why would you do that?
Because we'd be partners.
This haunted B and B thing? I love it.
I mean, listen, and I'll
still help with all the work.
I'm actually a pretty decent contractor,
except for the stealing and
the senseless violence.
Just stay away from our marriage.
(sighs): Actually
I want in on that, too.
- What?
- Your marriage. I don't want to sleep
in the same bed as you guys, or
put my toothbrush on the counter
next to yours, but I want
mouth and ass privileges.
MICHAEL: Get the fuck out of here.
I'm not gonna let you blackmail us
into destroying our marriage.
Do you want to tell him, or should I?
Tell me what? Tell me what, Troy?
Okay, there are five dead
people in this room right now.
- This is not the time.
- Did you fuck him?
Hey! What are you doing?
- Did you fuck him?
- Yes, I fucked him!
'Cause you haven't touched me in months!
And you have lost your fucking mind!
I can give you guys
a minute, if you want.
- Get out! Get out!
- Michael!
- Stop! Stop! Michael!
- ADAM: Fine.
- Get the fuck out of our house!
- Michael!
(Michael and Troy gasping)
- MICHAEL: What the fuck?!
- Oh, my God!
- Michael.
- What?
- Was that her?
- No. No.
- It was a man in that suit.
- Okay.
All right, she's not here. Come on.
All right.
- Back door.
- Okay.
Oh, my God!
Michael (yelps)
I'm so sorry! I should've believed you!
- That's okay. Let's go.
- I'm so sorry!
(door opens)
What what's happening?
What's happening?
What? What?
- Who?
- I'm so, so sorry.
- What are you?
- Baby
Michael, what's happening?

(door creaks)
TROY: Oh, dear!
Are you a friend of Scarlett's?
- (knife piercing skin)
- (Troy shouting)
Hey! (gurgles)
(Troy sobbing)
What's? What?
It's gonna be okay, it's gonna be okay.
TROY: (whimpers) I don't understand.

KIDS: Trick or treat!

(door creaks)
(flies buzzing)
You're gonna have to hit Home Depot
and pick up some lime, bitch.
I made a list of all we need.
Dad! Da
We need to talk.
(whispers): It's okay, it's okay.
(breathing heavily)
Did you kill them?
Now you have no excuse not to stay.
I don't understand why we
didn't remember being murdered.
It's a very traumatic experience
to be murdered so violently
in your own bedroom.
It's not uncommon for a
person to repress that memory
as a coping mechanism.
"A coping mechanism"?
We are dead.
Can't we at least be
liberated from the worst parts
- of being human when we die?
- Apparently not.
At least not in this house.
So this is it? This?
This is, this is the great mystery
of life and death?
Just an endless prison
of more of the same?
(scoffs) Sure, I was worried about hell.
What gay Catholic isn't?
Torture and torment are
at least kind of sexy.
The one thing I did not
worry about in the afterlife
was that it was gonna be mundane.
I understand.
But, you know, I have found a way
to get some fun and
relaxation while I'm here.
I'm working with the other
therapist who's trapped here
on a book for all of us.
Wow. Can we talk about
what's important here?
how do you feel about all this?
I don't know. I mean,
you guys are dead, which is sad,
but you're also, like, not dead.
Honey, we need to find
someplace for you to live.
All right? It's not safe for you here.
No one's gonna hurt me here.
There are literally hundreds
of spirits in this place,
most of them not very nice.
Yeah, that crazy girl who
killed us would probably be
first in line, I bet.
She's not gonna hurt me.
protects me.
You know her?
She's my girlfriend. (exhales)
She kind of killed you
guys to keep me here.
And you think we're gonna let
you keep seeing her after this?
Um, I'll do what I want.
I mean, I don't know
if you guys realize this or not,
but you can't tell
me what to do anymore.
- Scarlett, that's not very productive.
- What? They're dead.
They're trapped in this house forever,
while I can come and go.
I'm pretty sure that
makes me emancipated.
Why are you being so
difficult about this?
We're just trying to protect you
from what we're going through.
- I mean, isn't that what fathers do?
- You guys were dumb enough
to get yourselves in over
your heads with this house
and then get killed in it.
Why should I listen to anything you say?
Hey. Where are you going?
I'm getting dressed.
There's a Halloween thing
at Griffith Park tonight.
You know what, I want the
name of the other therapist
who is dead in here.
You're terrible.
(Michael exhales)
Do you have time for a one-on-one?

You ready to go?
You can't come with me.
Yes, I can.
It's Halloween. It's
the one day of the year
when the dead can walk the earth.
(chuckles softly)
(door closes)

Is that true?
We can leave the house tonight?
It's perfect. She'll be a lot easier
to kill outside of the house.
Is that really how we want to
spend our one night out a year?
Getting revenge on the
bitch who murdered us?
Um, yeah.
Are you mad at me for
what I did to your dads?
SCARLETT: They probably would have
gotten a divorce if you hadn't.
And now, at least I don't have
to go to two houses on holidays.
It's not that bad, you know.
What, divorce?
- Eternity in that house.
- Hey.
You're the love of my life.
Being somewhere with you, forever,
in a place where time doesn't
exist sounds like heaven.
I just don't know if I'm
ready to give up the world yet.
Promise me you won't
rob me of that choice.
If we're in the house,
you can't just kill me
because you're afraid I'm
gonna abandon you, okay?
I promise.
I can keep a secret ♪
If you hush, hush ♪
So, what do you want to
do with your one night
in the world, my love?
Are you kidding?
Hey. (groans)
I want to have a nonstop orgy of trouble
- and pain.
- (laughing)
Off with your head ♪
Dance till you're dead ♪
Heads will roll ♪
Heads will roll ♪
Heads will roll ♪
On the floor ♪
Glitter on the wet streets ♪
Silver over everything ♪
The river's all wet ♪
You're all chrome ♪
Dripping with alchemy ♪
Shiver stop shivering ♪
Shanti. Hi.
- Who's this?
- I'm Ruby.
I'm her girlfriend.
Is she why you never text
or call me back anymore?
Why, every time I ask to come
see you, you leave me on "read"?
Probably. Or maybe she's just
not into boring people anymore.
The men cry out, the girls cry out ♪
The men cry out, oh, no ♪
What the fuck was that?
She's just a friend!
How am I supposed to know that?
I'm sorry. I'm possessive.
Shanti, wait!
Off, off with your head ♪
Dance, dance, dance
till you're dead. ♪
Hey, I'm really sorry about Ruby.
She can be kind of an asshole.
She's been through a lot.
You're my only friend.
And I was yours.
And then that thing with
those girls happened,
and you just disappeared.
I used that as an excuse to
not have to come back to school.
I told my dads I was traumatized,
which was a lie.
I know.
I know you. Nothing traumatizes you.
I think you may be a psychopath.
I looked it up online,
and you fit all the traits.
You don't have any
empathy or conscience.
You use people like they're objects.
Look, my home life has gotten
really complicated, okay?
I didn't want you there
because it's not safe for you.
I'm trying to protect you.
From what?
The truth?
Like I didn't figure it out already?
I know you killed those girls.
I don't know how or what you did
to them, but I know you did it.
I'm not like you.
Things do traumatize me.
I don't sleep much anymore.
I haven't been eating.
My parents want to put
me on antidepressants.
I needed you.
To talk to me about all of this.
I needed you to tell me that
I don't need to feel guilty.
About what? You didn't do anything.
But I know.
Those girls' families are freaking out.
They don't know if
they're alive or dead.
I told the cops that I didn't think
you could do anything
seriously bad, but
that was a lie.
You're capable of anything.
- Shanti
- Just leave me alone!
I don't want you in my life anymore.
MAYA (whispering): Shanti.
(scoffs) I said leave me alone!
I don't understand.
- You guys are alive?
- MAYA: You should have told
the police about Scarlett.
You should have done something, Shanti.
ERIN: You, like, stood in the way
of justice, and you must be punished.
I hereby sentence you
to a really fucking
violent and painful death.
I wouldn't do that if I were you.
Why should you get to have all the fun?
RUBY: If you touch Scarlett
or this one, I'm gonna
be peeling your faces off
every day for the next thousand years.
Come on, girls.
This isn't over yet.
(knife clicks)
SHANTI: I thought they were dead.
They won't bother you ever again.
- Thank you.
- RUBY: You're Scarlett's friend,
so you're my friend.
I love her.
Then why are you keeping
her from her life?
She doesn't go to school anymore.
She doesn't talk to me anymore.
If you really loved
her, you'd set her free.

(screaming in distance)
(sinister laughter)
(chain saw whirring)
- (woman screaming)
- (snarling)
(man grunting)
(screaming, groaning)
(man screaming)
- (knife slashes)
- (man groaning)
(knife squishes)
There's one in the
corner if you want it.
(zipper closes)
Hey, bitch.
I told you, she's off-limits.
Our faces will grow back,
but if she dies out here,
- you're stuck without her forever.
- Ain't love a bitch?
(distorted screaming)
(dance music playing)
WILLIAM: Where have you been?
I don't understand.

(knife scraping)
- Boo!
- God, you scared me.
We went at it all night.
They're all pretty tough,
to tell you the truth.
- Hmm.
- I almost respect them.
They wore out first, though.
(both laugh)
What's gonna happen when
someone finds all those bodies?
They'll send out an APB
for a killer in a scary mask
- and another in a Rubber Woman suit.
- (laughs)
Listen, Ruby,
I need to tell you something.
It's not sunrise yet.
That little twat's not setting
foot inside this house again.
She's right.
I'm sorry.
I love you, but
it's not what I want.
I want to live out here.
Anywhere but that house.
(sighs, sniffles)
Look, I'm really sorry
about how I reacted
to you guys humiliating me.
I just need to go
inside, gather my stuff
and say goodbye to my dads.
Can nobody kill me while I do that?
We were pretty awful.
At least we won't grow old and ugly now.
SCARLETT: Thank you.
(gate creaks)
Can I tell Mom and Dad?
No. Tell the police they'll
find our bodies in the house.
But never come inside.
Do you understand?
- Who should I say killed you?
- RUBY: Me.
Ruby McDaniel. Tell them I live here
and they should come arrest me.
See you next Halloween.

(sighs) Where will you go?
I'm not sure yet. Maybe abroad.
You guys won't need your retirement
or 401(k) funds, so I
should have enough cash
to take my time figuring it out.
Scarlett, you have to go to school.
(chuckles): Or what, you're gonna demand
a ghost parent-teacher conference?
School sucks.
I'll be fine.
I'll keep in touch. You guys
can use cell phones, right?
- TROY: Yeah. I assume.
- Yeah.
I mean, we can fuck and bleed,
so cell phones are probably
okay, too. (chuckles)
Are you guys gonna be okay?
There's no more stress
about money or the future.
We can just enjoy each other now.
And there's always Adam the contractor
- in case either of us gets bored.
- (scoffs)
- Troy, please.
- What? I'm-I'm kidding.
I'm kidding. I'm not kidding.
(Scarlett breathes deeply)
(Scarlett sniffles)
I love you guys.
- I love you, too.
- I love you, too.
(sighs) Okay.
- Got everything you need?
- Yeah.
I'm fine.
- Love you.
- Love you, hon.

(Scarlett sniffling)
You're the only person in my life
whose suffering brings me no pleasure.

Right or wrong, I'll be with you ♪
Right or wrong, I'll be with you ♪
I'll do what you ask me to ♪
I'll do what you ask me to ♪
For I believe that I belong ♪
I believe that I belong ♪
By your side ♪
- Right or wrong ♪
(line rings)
(indistinct chatter, laughter)
Right or wrong, it's gotta be ♪
Always you ♪
(phone vibrating)
Always you and always me ♪
SCARLETT: Hey, baby. How
are things going there?
Same shit. Like we're
in a fucking sitcom.
Michael's making
pancakes, and then I think
they're all playing running
charades or some shit.
- Hey, babe.
- Now I'm convinced I'm in hell.
Hi, sweetie. Halloween's
only two months away.
MICHAEL: We're going as gladiators.
God, they were never
this good at being parents
when it was just me.
RUBY: What the hell
else are they gonna do?
That dude Adam totally finished
up repairs on the house.
Not that anyone
is gonna buy it after
they found even more
dead bodies in it.
I may stab all these
annoying fucks to death later
to cure my boredom.
I found him. Your fake uncle.
I got pretty close using Facebook.
Then I had to hard-core gross flirt
with some dude at the DMV
to get his address, but
it's him.
Tony Peterson.
I even stole his mail just to be sure.
What are you gonna do to him?
Let's just say
that today is his last day on earth,
and it's gonna be the
worst one he's ever had.
- Love you, baby.
- I love you.
Send pics.
Right or wrong, it's gotta be ♪
Right or wrong, it's gotta be ♪
Always you ♪
Always me ♪
Always you and always me ♪
Won't you take me along ♪
Won't you take me along ♪
To be with you ♪
RUBY: A wise man once said
happiness is something
to look forward to.
I never understood
that until I was dead.
When you're dead and stuck in a
haunted house for all eternity,
there's not much to
do but wait and wait.
And the waiting, like
another wise man once said,
is indeed the hardest part of love.
If it's real love.
- Hey, sis.
- Hey, Ruby.
Thanks for not stabbing me lately.
No problem.
On Halloween,
no one ever rang the door
for candy at the Murder House.
But one person always
showed up every year
like clockwork.
And so I waited, nervous and tremulous,
like the lovestruck
schoolgirl I will always be.
And when she appeared to see me,
to hold me through that
one night every year,
that was somehow enough.

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