American Horror Story s02e01 Episode Script

Welcome to Briarcliff

MAN: Just look sexy, please.
WOMAN: Come on.
You always look sexy.
God, I'm so happy I married you.
(laughs) What are they going to do to me in there? If you stop taking pictures and come inside, we can find out.
(laughs) This place is amazing.
You think we're still going to want to bang each other when we're 80? Uh, you better.
Otherwise I'm going to leave your ass.
Wait a minute.
I'm the best you've ever had.
Actually, there was this one guy Shut up.
Shut up.
You are so sexy.
Come on.
Let's go inside.
Last stop on the haunted honeymoon tour.
Better make it good.
Here comes the bride (gasps) (both laugh) Built in 1908, Briarcliff Manor was the largest tuberculosis ward on the East Coast.
You think it's haunted? (laughs) They shuttle the bodies out through an underground tunnel called "the death chute.
" We should totally do it in the death chute.
Oh, my God, you are so demented.
I love you.
What are we going to tell our kids about the honeymoon? Tell them the truth.
(sighs) How we visited the 12 most haunted places in America and screwed our brains out in every single one.
Or that Mommy's a horror freak and Daddy lives to make Mommy happy? Mmm, he does.
(faint rattling) Come on.
Let's keep exploring.
All right.
We got an hour before sunset.
Let's make it quick.
WOMAN: The Catholic Church bought this place in '62 and turned it into a sanitarium for the criminally insane.
Legend has it that once you are committed at Briarcliff, you never got out.
Their most famous resident was a serial killer.
MAN: Bloody Face.
Say "Bloody Face.
" Bloody Face.
Teresa! You got to see this penny chair.
(giggles) Tie my down.
I'm sick, Doctor.
Can you help me? I don't know.
You seem to have a very bad case of morbid erotica.
(gasps) Ready for your injection? (loud bang) What is that? (panting): What is that? I don't umWhat is that? Let's go see.
No, no, no, no Come on.
No, come on.
Let's go.
You're killing me.
Promise I'll make it up to you.
No, you swear we're coming back.
Promise me we're coming back.
I promise, I promise.
Maybe it's Bloody Face.
Maybe it's just old pipes.
You can totally put it in my ass right now.
(laughs) Wow.
Oh, come on.
I can't see.
Hey, take it easy.
Take it easy.
What, you scared? Pussy.
(scoffs) So tight.
Oh, my God! What? What? What? Oh, you are such a prick.
You are such a prick.
Speaking of which No, I want to know what's in there.
Do it again and I'll blow you.
(scoffs) Give me your phone.
(hatch squeaks) (screaming) (car engine starts) ATTENDANT: That'll be three dollars even.
You think because you're out here in the toolies you can gouge people? I don't set the prices, sir.
Kids get a coloring book? Yeah, that be Texaco.
WOMAN: Come on, Jack.
I just want to go home.
Drive safely.
(bell rings) (scoffs) Asshole.
Do-da-do-do, bow, bow Do-da-do-do, bow, bow Do-do-da-do There goes my baby Moving on down the line Wondering where, wondering where Wondering where she is bound I broke her heart And made her cry Now I belong (bell rings) Sign says closed.
What did I do? There goes my baby Whoa-oh-oh There goes my baby There There goes my baby, oh-oh-oh.
(cows moo) Boo! Christ, Billy! (laughing) Trying to get killed? Do you know what I keeps in this cabinet? Look anything like this? Geez, give meGive me that.
Oh, oh, oh, oh, (laughs) Ooh! BILLY: We just want to borrow it.
Nigger try to mess with Randy's little sister.
Are you guys insane? Come on, Kit.
We're just gonna scare him, come with us.
I'm not going with you guys.
And neither is the gun.
So, just leave.
How much is Al paying you these days? I hear you got yourself a maid.
That's what I hear anyway.
(all snicker) Mmm.
(scoffs) Something smells good, Mrs.
I'm not to you putting those two words together.
But I like it, Mr.
(both sigh) So, how are you? Good.
How are you? I'm good.
Let's do it, babe.
Let's tell everyone.
Come on.
We didn't commit a crime.
We drove to Provincetown and got married.
Your family, my folks-- they should know.
The world will change one day.
The world is wrong.
We need to keep it a secret.
(sighs) Baby it makes me feel like I can't protect my own family.
The roast is just about ready.
That's not what I'm hungry for.
I can't take damn it (laughs) Oh, babe.
I hope you like your beef tough and dry because that's what I want for dinner tonight.
The first course was delicious.
Showing off their silver leaves As we walked by Mmm.
Soft kisses on a summer's day Where you going? To make you dinner.
(laughs) They say that all good things must end (radio static) someday (radio static) Shit! Alma, you stay in the kitchen no matter what, you hear me? (dog barking) I know you're out here, Billy.
Stop playing games.
(strange whistling) (Alma screaming) Alma! Help me! Help me! Alma! Alma, answer me! Where are you? (loud crash) (piercing ringing) Aah! (screaming) (ringing stops) (ringing resumes) (screams) (screams) Lana Winters from the Gazette.
I'm doing a story on your bakery, and I have an appointment with Sister Jude.
Play with me! Play with me! Ow! Pepper, leave the lady alone.
Oh, it's fine.
She was only trying to make friends.
It was harmless.
She's not harmless.
She drowned her sister's baby and sliced his ears off.
Follow me, miss.
WOMAN (shrieks): No! No! I don't want to go to bed! Sister Jude calls this her "stairway to heaven.
" MAN: Leave me alone! (man shouting indistinctly) A lady reporter! Told you I would come find you, Sister Mary Eunice.
Brush yourself off, Shelly.
Do you think I'm full of shame and regret for what I've done now, Sister? You could shave me bald as a cue ball, and I'll still be the hottest tamale in this joint.
Take her to the common room so the others can witness her newfound immaculacy.
And next time, knock.
Remind me of your name.
Lana Winters.
Can I ask what Shelly did? I assume you were punishing her for something.
I assumed you were here to do a story on our bakery.
Oh, believe me, no one loves that molasses bread more than I do.
I toast it for my breakfast every single morning.
Shelley was brought to us having been given the preposterous diagnosis by a psychiatrist comparing her to a wood nymph.
You mean a nymphomaniac? Just more nonsense from the charlatans.
That young woman is a victim of her own lust.
There's no other name for it.
Mental illness is the fashionable explanation for sin.
(slams drawer shut) You said your name's Lana? After the movie star? Now there's a train wreck of a soul.
Jennifer Jones, however, there's a true lady.
You've seen Song of Bernadette? Oh, it's a classic.
But at Briarcliff, I hear you're the true star.
Oh, no, not me.
The monsignor, Timothy Howard.
He's the real visionary.
Sit down.
You make me nervous.
You know what this place was just two years ago? A hellhole! And I'm told the bakery was your idea.
It was, but it was based on his philosophy.
Well, write it down.
He believes the tonic for a diseased mind lies in the three "P"s: productivity, prayer, and purification.
The bakery's just the tip of the iceberg.
Oh, we have such dreams for this place.
Are all your patients remanded here by the state? Not all.
The monsignor's a man of charity.
You know where most of our wards come from? The gutter.
They said to tell you that the Oh, I didn't knock.
I'm sorry, Sister.
You were sent to tell me what? Sent to tell you What? The bad person will arrive any minute.
Thank you, Sister.
Well, are we ready for our bakery tour? She's talking about the maniac, the killer of those women, isn't she? Bloody Face.
Bloody Face? An eyewitness caught a glimpse of him leaving one of the crime scenes wearing a mask, which appeared to be made of human flesh.
I heard he's going to be admitted here today.
Is there any way I can meet him? You're not in the least bit interested in our good works.
Our town's in a collective panic.
This maniac is decapitating women, three of them so far.
I see you for exactly who you are.
Three minutes.
Give me three minutes with him, and I swear to God I will write an amazing Swear to God?! It's rich coming from you.
People want to understand what's in the mind of someone like him.
There's not a pious bone in your body.
Where's the harm in that? You're out of your depth, Miss Lana Banana.
You want a story? Write this down.
Your killer is being turned over to us by the authorities until it is determined whether he is fit to stand trial.
(shrieks) (yells) (yells) It's an ordeal, I know-- our check-in procedures.
Though, not a patch on what you put your victims through.
Sister, I didn't kill anybody.
The guards have given you over to my care.
Not for correction, but for storage while they weigh your fate.
This is not a meat locker.
Here, you will repent for your crimes to the only judge that matters: the Almighty God.
There is no God.
Not a God who would create the things I saw.
Your story about little green men? No, never will do here.
They weren't human.
They were monsters.
All monsters are human.
You're a monster.
I wonder did her dark meat slide off the bone any easier than your other victims? (spits) You're gonna wish you hadn't done that.
Dominique-inique-inique s'en allait tout simplement Routier, pauvre et chantant En tous chemins, en tous lieux, il ne parle Ass munch! Ooh, Sister Jude is on the warpath! Hey, stop it! Can't make the welts go away, but I can make you forget you had 'em.
The nurse already gave me a salve.
A salve can't cure you like I can in your session in the hydrotherapy room with me.
I speak French and Greek.
Will you beat it?! He's mine.
He's mine! Il ne parle que du Bon Dieu Certain jour un hèrètique par des ronces le conduit Mais notre père Dominique par sa joie le convertit I can't take this.
S'en allait tout simplement Don't touch that.
Any one of them will sell you out.
They get a piece of candy, you get another five welts on your ass.
It's a rule.
As long as the common room is open, the song plays.
There's a rule for everything here.
I learned them all the hard way, trust me.
Why should I trust you? Because I'm not crazy.
Hey, Bloody Face, you're him, right? You must be the most dangerous man here.
I heard you skinned them alive.
The last one, a colored girl.
I guess you didn't like her color.
Fight, fight, fight! Get off of him! Fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight! (whistle blows) He started it.
Dominique-inique-inique s'en allait tout simplement No.
No! (sighs) Psst! Hey, you gotta eat.
How'd you get back here? Kitchen detail.
I volunteered.
Why are you being so nice to me? What you put out into the world comes back to you.
So what'd you put out into the world to get locked up in a place like this? They say I chopped up my family.
You gonna ask? Did you? No.
Did you murder your wife? No, I'm not crazy.
That's unfortunate.
They decide you're sane, you're going someplace way worse than this.
What could be worse than this? You think it's bad not having a chair? Just think of the one they'll strap you into.
(door opens) I'll try to come back later.
Hey! What's your name? Grace.
(church bell tolling) (sobbing) He's gone.
Willie's gone.
There was a medical emergency last night.
I didn't even know he was sick.
Why wasn't I informed? (sobs) Dr.
Arden asked to have him taken directly t-to his wing.
I demand you give me access to your laboratory.
When the monsignor brought me out of retirement to run Briarcliff's medical unit, we made a gentlemen's agreement.
Curious, since only one of you is a gentleman.
Please look at me when I speak to you.
I'm not one of your charges, Sister, quaking in my boots.
Do you have any idea what this is? It's a plant.
A little Elena.
This particular strain of Alstroemeria has never existed before.
It was created by bombarding the plant with gamma rays.
It is an affirmation of the power of science over nature.
Your little mutation doesn't change the fact that in order for this institution to thrive, I need to manage your operation.
Sister if you could manage to stay out of my business, I'll try and stay out of yours.
Let's discuss another matter: the patients, four of them, including Willie last night, have disappeared under your supervision.
They died.
That's it? Period? No explanation.
Patients committed here suffer not only diseases of the mind, but also of the body.
Where are the bodies? Cremated.
Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.
Cause of death documented in their death certificates.
I find it interesting that of all the patients that died since you've been here, none have family.
No one to grieve or to ask questions.
I think you're lying.
And in time, whatever it is you're hiding will come to see the light of day.
I've dealt with bigger monsters than you, Doctor.
Let me give you fair warning: I'll always win against the patriarchal male.
Bully for you.
LANA: I am telling you, Wendy, that battle-axe has secrets.
Under all that piousness and fidelity there's a real darkness.
Getting high before dinner? Makes your food taste better.
If your gut says there's a story, then there is.
Blow the lid off the place like Maisel did with "Bedlam 1946.
" Get yourself a Pulitzer.
Problem is your editor won't let you do it.
Emmerman's an asshole.
He thinks that Canada geese leaving Chicopee a month early is a Column "A" story, and he wants me to write the cooking column.
Your cooking is horrible.
Why do you think I never eat it? I'm not doing this for Emmerman.
I write it on my own, and I get it out to Life or Look.
This is my shot.
I know, baby, and I am behind you 100%.
If you need to take some time off to get this story done, I want you to do it.
The blinds are open.
No one can see.
The pot's making you paranoid.
You think the PTA is going to be cool if they find out a dyke is teaching little Bobby and Suzie science? I mean, I have to fight to get evolution on the curriculum.
You're right.
I'm sorry.
(giggles) Anything I do in my life, I can do because you love me.
I know, baby.
So how are you gonna get in? SISTER JUDE: Hail, Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou among women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.
(solemn choral music plays) (singing in Latin) You are a rara avis, Sister Jude.
What does that mean? It means "rare bird.
" In Latin.
And it's a compliment or a criticism? It's a compliment.
Most women of the cloth feel they have to deny all sensory life when they take their vows.
I've renounced spirits.
Are you sure? Your cooking reveals an almost decadent palate.
" Is that a subtle reprimand, Father? Oh, you know me better than that.
I always say what I mean.
I'd appreciate the same from you.
As usual, you've seen right through me, Father.
When you put me in charge here, I thought your faith in me was based on our mutually shared vision of madness as a spiritual crisis, an absence of God.
That remains true.
I want to know where you found Dr.
He is not a man of God.
The Church approved him.
He was sent here by people better equipped to judge his godliness than you.
Say what you will, your rare bird has a nose for rodents.
You mustn't be so fearful.
It was God, after all, who created both science and Heaven.
God put the idea in a doctor's head to create the antibiotic that cured tuberculosis.
These are amazing times, if you just look at it in another light.
There is no other light.
We're literally almost on the moon.
Our dear departed John F.
Kennedy, a Catholic, was elected President.
This is a time when anything can happen, if someone wants it enough.
But what on earth do we want, if not to save souls? Here's what I want.
I want this institution to become a place of such promise and renown that we are asked to be Cardinal of New York.
"We?" Wherever I go, you go.
You're my right hand.
You'll become Mother Superior, overseeing thousands of nuns who will address you as "Reverend Mother.
" And then, with God and you on my side (inhales deeply) I see no reason why I couldn't ascend to the office of first Anglo-American Pope.
You'd enjoy Rome.
Wouldn't you, Sister? O'HARA: I need you to be a team player.
The doctor needs full oversight of his domain.
You look after yours.
SISTER EUNICE: Can you hear them? They sound like they're getting hungrier.
It's to be expected.
The weather's changing.
They'll need some meat.
EUNICE: What are they? ARDEN: Do you trust me? Good.
You're always in such a hurry, Sister.
Why are you out so late at night? Oh, please don't tell Sister Jude.
(snarling in distance) What is that? Some kind of animal? We can't stay here.
We have to go.
Ugh (footsteps clicking slowly) Grace? (grunts) Ah! All right, son.
You shouldn't be locked in here.
Not when there's so much to learn.
Am I bleeding out? We got to get you back into town.
It's only five miles away.
Leo! Leo? Don't fall asleep.
Come on, baby.
Can you make it to the car? Come on Oh! (panting) Where's your phone? Is that in your car? Leo! Okay, I'll be right back.
(chains jangle) SISTER EUNICE: This way.
LANA: What is this place? SISTER EUNICE: It's my shortcut from the woods.
LANA: What were you feeding out there? I guess I'll have to ask Sister Jude.
Why? Why would you do that? She scares you, doesn't she? She scares you to death.
You let me look around for five minutes, and I won't tell Sister Horrible about your nighttime forays.
Or your secret tunnel.
Hello, Mr.
I'm Dr.
Arthur Arden.
I run this institution.
I thought Sister Jude ran this place.
So does she.
(footsteps, door slams) (door slams) (whispering): Five minutes, and then you leave.
Scout's honor.
Where are you keeping Bloody Face? Is he in here? (sobbing in distance) ARDEN: There was a time when a fanatic like Sister Jude could have had me thrown in prison for my ideas, tortured.
Maybe even castrated like Brother Abelard.
These are not the Middle Ages, no matter how tightly the good sister and her brood try to hold on to their fairy tale.
This is my time now.
The time of science.
Miss, please.
Not in here.
This is the men's ward.
MAN: What's this? Two little chicks, looking for a place to roost? Back to bed, Mr.
You shouldn't be up.
Oh, I'm up.
I made a mess, Sister.
You want to see it? (gasps) I'll be right back, miss.
(crying): Please don't go anywhere.
I got more for you, lady.
I hope you don't mind if I don't use anesthetic.
It interferes with my readings.
(whistling) (doors rattling) Hey, lady! You're not supposed to be in here.
I guess you better report me then.
Unless nobody saw anything.
I'm sorry about your hair.
Is this where they're keeping the maniac? Which one? Kit Walker.
No, he misbehaved.
They took him to solitary.
He'll have to play with himself for a while.
Solitary? Where's that? (footsteps, door slams) Alfred, get your hands out of your pants.
(door slams) Why are you doing this to me? The devil doesn't reside in hell, Mr.
He lives right here in the frontal gyrus.
The occipital lobes.
Inside those beautiful brains lies the secret to understanding the darkness of the human psyche.
And ten of them put together are not as dark as what resides right here, in this cute, blonde melon.
(muffled talking) (buzzing, electrical humming) "Victim was found naked.
"Preliminary findings indicate "that the skinning occurred "while the victim was still breathing.
" Kit! Alma! Help me! Alma! You sliced her from the feet up.
(screaming) What did you do with the skin? (screaming) I'm not here to pass judgment, Mr.
I'm merely interested in methodology.
What's this? Way too hard to be a tumor.
(screams) (screaming) Mr.
Walker? Mr.
Walker? (screams) (church bell tolling) You've put everything at risk.
Our reputation, the life's work of our great monsignor, all his future dreams.
(sobbing) I used bad judgment, Sister.
Bad judgment? Like eating too much cake? Is that what you mean, Sister? Miss Winters got me very confused.
Maybe the sin is mine; maybe my faith in you was nothing but the sin of pride.
No, you're not a sinner, Sister.
I favored you.
I coddled you.
I refused to see what others saw.
When they said you were stupid, I said no, simply, you were more pure than the others.
It's not big enough, Sister.
Punish me, Sister, please.
I'm so weak and stupid, Sister.
Stupid dummy.
(cracks) (smack) Stand up and get out.
I don't have time for this.
(sniffles) Too good to me, Sister.
If I ever hear you call yourself stupid again, I'll cane you bloody.
You're awake.
I'm so relieved.
What's going on? You had an accident.
Something attacked me.
You writers, with your very fertile imagination.
You took a tumble.
Get me out of this thing.
No, no.
You mustn't move.
You've got a long recovery ahead of you.
You can't keep me here.
No? There are people who will come looking for me.
Do you think so? You said she was hurt? While trespassing.
You and Miss Winters have a charming home here, Miss Paisa, very cozy.
I need to see her.
But surely, you're not her family? Lana's parents don't speak to her anymore.
I-I'm practically family.
We're very close.
Are you now? Like sisters.
But point in fact, you're not sisters, are you, Miss Paisa? I mean, you have no legal standing.
I have a moral standing.
Moral? There's an interesting word.
You're a spinster, schoolteacher, I take it? I teach the third grade.
Oh, I admire that.
The molding of young minds is a sacred charge.
You would never intentionally do anything to put these precious youngsters at risk? Of course not.
So when you agreed to room with Miss Winters, you couldn't possibly have been aware of her inversion? Inversion? I mean, you would never intentionally expose these little angels to a homosexual, would you? We both know what that so-called monster in the closet really is, don't we, Miss Winters? That's why you've come.
Because something in you knew that you needed help.
Are you threatening me, Sister? It is I who have been threatened, young woman.
Your friend gained access to my facility under false pretenses.
She had no interest in our bakery.
She wanted an inside look into a mental ward, and I intend to see that she gets it.
You can't do this.
Oh, yes, I can.
I can do it either by exposing the shenanigans that took place in this love nest, or I can do it discreetly.
She will, of course, receive the finest of care.
I have no legal standing.
You are a respected member of this community, at least for now.
Your sworn statement along with our professional diagnosis is more than enough for a friendly judge to remand Miss Winters into my custody.
It's a small town.
A scandal will work just as well.
You'll be ruined.
You'll never step into a classroom again.
Wait! Wait! (screaming in distance) We're gonna slay that monster together-- you and I.
Morning devotionals are at 6:00 a.
No exceptions.
No! Let me out of here! Come back here, you bitch! Chin up.
We're gonna get you cured.
Help me! Did you manage it? Yes, Sister Jude.
Help me! Though shalt not steal.
Well, hopefully, that's the only commandment you had to break in order to get these.
LANA: Come back here! (creaking) Ah, Sister Jude.
Come to lend a hand? What's going on in here? Just a little spring cleaning.
That odor-- what is it? Disinfectant.
Standard sanitary procedure.
Cleanliness is, after all, next to godliness.
Something's been living in here.
That's absurd.
This room has been closed up for years.
I'm in need of some extra storage space.
I think this will do quite nicely.
Don't think you can pull one over on me, Doctor.
I'll ferret it out.
Whatever it is you're up to.
A ferret.
Delightful creature.
I used to keep one as a pet.
Until it bit me, and I broke its neck.
You brought me my keys? Thank you.
You may think my mind is closed, Doctor, but my eyes are wide open, I promise you.
You hear me? (screaming)