American Horror Story s04e05 Episode Script

Pink Cupcakes

(silverware tapping glass) Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the American Morbidity Museum's Night of Discovery.
It is your insatiable curiosity, your unquenchable quest for knowledge, and of course your generous donations that have made this evening possible.
All of you.
But I want to acknowledge one person in particular without whom none of us would be here tonight.
James Martone.
(applause) Mr.
Martone Did you think for a split second she was gonna call your name? (scoffs) Why not? (chuckles) I certainly deserve it.
Without me, there wouldn't be a gala exhibition.
But you and I-- we toil in the dark, unrecognized, unappreciated.
But well paid.
LILLIAN: by presenting an exhibit of exquisite human anomalies.
We call it "Modern Mutations.
" Phocomelia.
(crowd gasps) In layman's terms, the illustrated seal boy.
MAGGIE: That's a real nice fantasy, but where are you gonna get the tanks? I already got one lined up from a bankrupt aquarium in Wichita.
I put a deposit on a barn outside of town, so we'll store the bodies and the tanks until the time comes.
But I told you, I'm not gonna be involved with murder.
Oh, no, no.
Accidents happen all the time.
People run away from the circus, right? No questions asked.
The key is preserving the specimens, keeping up appearances.
So these freaks are gonna be beautiful corpses? How? Poison? Suffocation? Drowning? Yeah.
All great ideas.
That's why I got to keep Elsa on the hook.
I have to have access and the time to finesse it.
And I need you on the inside to help me.
What's the matter, you going soft? No.
You need to put a little lead in your loafers, cupcake.
The only thing people in Jupiter hate more than freaks are poofs.
Get rid of the magazines, Stanley.
(sighs) Done.
Does that mean you're in? I'm in.
But since I have to live with them, I want an additional five percent.
(chuckles) That's my girl.
Always eyes on the prize.
Fraulein Elsa's Cabinet of Curiosities is about to have a terrible run of bad luck.
(armoire door creaks shut) (clock chiming) Dora! It's quarter past 7:00! I don't hear the percolator on.
(screaming) Dandy! Mother! Dandy! Mother! (yells) Mother! Someone's broken into our home and murdered Dora.
Oh, God, Dandy, what have you done?! Oh, God! I'm sorry! She's a mother! She was saying awful things to me! Just like everything else in your life, I'm the one who has to clean it up.
I'll help! We can dig a hole in the backyard by the potagerie.
Go to your room and stay there! And I don't want to see your face for the rest of the day! STANLEY: Miss Mars? You are late, Mr.
Oh, ah.
My sincere apologies.
I was lost in the maze of tents.
(whistles) What an extraordinary place, a marvel.
And the most marvelous is you here in the flesh.
It's a full house tonight, you know.
Schnapps? Hmm.
And please, get to the point.
The show can't go on without its star.
Well, as you know, I'm here from the land of dreams-- Hollywood, California.
And who do you work for? Is it MGM? Mm-mm.
RKO? (chuckles) I work for the biggest network in television, WBN-- the Worldwide Broadcasting Network.
As I'm sure you're aware, being a woman of the world, TV is the new thing.
I would rather be boiled in oil than be on television.
You know, over 40% of this country's population owns a television set, Miss Mars.
TV is the future.
Squeezing the beauty and glamour of the silver screen into that little black and white box-- this is the future, Mr.
Spencer? (chuckles) I find it very depressing.
But, Miss Mars, imagine yourself in everyone's living room at the exact same moment.
Everyone in America listening to you sing and entertain them.
Your name on the tip of everyone's tongue.
My name alongside some of type of, uh, instant coffee or shampoo? (scoffs) No.
I know for a fact motion pictures will never be replaced by your TV, no.
Motion pictures are the expression of our souls, our inner dreams and fantasies.
So let me get this straight.
You'd rather perform in front of a tent full of rednecks and forego indoor plumbing than star in The Elsa Mars Hour.
I would never participate in what I consider to be the death of art and civilization.
Well, not everyone wants the same thing.
I look forward to seeing your act.
I'm sure it's gonna slay me.
JIMMY: That's right, folks.
For as long as I can remember, uh, I've been known as Lobster Boy.
Known as Lobster Boy.
(drumroll) For as long as I can remember, I've been known as Lobster Boy-- Son of Neptune, God of the Sea.
But my pincers don't hold me back.
Watch me juggle.
You still rehearse? Oh.
(laughs) Yeah.
After all these years, I still get stage fright.
We haven't had a full house in as long as I can remember.
Well, that's because of you.
You're a local hero.
Right now, I want to throw up.
I can take your mind off it.
Let me read your palm.
I'll tell you your future.
(chuckles) No, thanks.
Do you want to know what I think? You're scared of what I might say, so you're chickening out.
(laughs) Come on, give me your hand, stupid.
You got nothing to lose.
There's a shadow here.
A shadow of a man.
He's coming soon.
He'll tell you things, make you promises.
He's a liar.
Stay away from him.
You see all that in my hand? You need to leave as soon as possible; go north.
Maybe New York.
Big Apple, huh? Go now.
What's stopping you? You're smart, you're good-looking.
You could do anything you want.
(clears throat softly) Anything except that, I guess.
Your future's bright.
I'm just not in it.
Save it for the paying customers.
I was an idiot to think I had a chance with a girl like you.
ETHEL: Anybody seen Dell? Full house, and the damn barker's nowhere to be found.
I'll look for him.
No, I need you to get the Pinheads ready for the opener.
Jimmy, you go.
No good son of a bitch probably passed out drunk in his caravan.
(sighs) Thank you, my good man.
Dell, open up! Come on, Dell! We don't have time for your shit! Let's go! (jazz music playing) Open up! He ain't here, Jimmy.
Well, where is he? When's he coming back? Who the hell knows? Shit.
Come on, get your stuff.
I ain't in the mood, Jimmy.
On account of that asshole? (chuckles) Look, I know you all think he ain't nothing but a bully and a thug, but you don't know him like I do.
Yeah, he's a regular Boy Scout.
I ain't trying to make no apologies for him.
It's just, we had a good life for a while.
(chuckles) I'd always been a freak, but he made me proud of who I was.
(sighs) 'Cause when he'd trot me out there, we were a team.
I'd drop my cloak, and the crowd would gasp.
(laughs) Oh, and I never felt more alive in my life.
Now all I feel is nothing.
Maybe he don't want to be on my team anymore.
(clicks tongue) What are you still doing here? The whole town's come out to see you.
Go on, now.
I didn't do anything.
You want to know who was brave? Meep.
Sometimes life is just a bleak pool of despair, and there ain't nothing you can do about it.
What do you know about it? You ever kill somebody? I let my pride and my anger get the best of me.
And now Meep's dead because of me.
And there ain't nothing I can do to ever wipe that off my slate.
I wish I could take it back.
(sniffles) (crying): I didn't mean it.
I'm sorry, Meep.
It should have been me.
Oh oh, hush, now.
It should have been me.
Shh, shh, shh.
(sobbing): I wasn't there to protect you.
Come on, come on, come on.
You're one of the good guys, Jimmy.
Huh? You're good.
Huh? Uh, no (panting) (moans) Make me feel something, Jimmy.
I want to feel something again.
(panting, moaning) (moaning loudly) DESIREE: (shrieks) Stop! Stop, stop, stop! Stop, stop, stop! (gasping) Shit! (gasps) JIMMY: Help! Help me! She needs a doctor! (gasping) AMAZON EVE: Oh, my God, she's bleeding.
PEPPER: Blood! Blood! Blood! We need a car.
I got to get her to a hospital! All of you, in your places now! Where's Dell? He's not here.
Go and get up on that stage.
Folks are here to see ya.
I'll handle this.
(drumroll) (laughter, applause) Salty and Pepper, ladies and gents! And now for the grand lady herself-- welcome to the stage Fraulein Elsa Mars! (crowd cheering) It's a god-awful small affair To the girl with the mousy hair But her mommy is yelling, "No!" And her daddy has told her to go But her friend is nowhere to be seen (distorted, echoing cough) Now she walks through her sunken dream (chattering voices echo) To the seat with the clearest view And she's hooked to the silver screen (chattering voices echo) But the film is a saddening bore (distorted chatter, laughing) For she's lived it ten times or more She could spit in the eyes of fools (distorted chatter continues) As they ask her to focus on (amplified heartbeat) (ears ringing) (amplified heartbeat continues) (bag crinkling loudly) (loud crunching) (amplified heartbeat continues) (object whooshes) (echoing thud) (amplified heartbeat continues) (amplified heartbeat continues) (crowd booing loudly, shouting) Knock, knock.
You wanted to see me? Yeah.
Tell me more about this television.
(shudders) What? All of a sudden now you're modest? Well, I ain't never been to no doctor before.
(knocking) Just get up on the table.
BONHAM: You ready for me? Uh Yeah, uh, she's ready.
You're leaving? Oh.
I can stay if you like.
Vaginal bleeding.
Do you have regular menses? Do you bleed once a month? (scoffs) Once a month? Oh, God, no.
Maybe a couple times a year.
But this isn't that.
Tonight I was fooling around with Jimmy.
Lobster Boy.
I think he pierced a hole right through me.
Let's take a look, shall we? It's okay.
He's gonna take a look.
Lie down.
Gonna take a look at you.
(gasps) (gasps loudly) Shh.
Just try to relax your belly.
Where were you born? Philadelphia.
The midwife smacked me on my ass and said, "Congratulations, Mary, you finally got you a boy.
" My mother was over the moon.
She named me Derek, after her father, who was a baseball player.
Thought maybe I'd follow in his footsteps.
(chuckles softly) But that all changed when I turned 12 and started growing these.
BONHAM: Well (groans) Okay, Doc.
Don't sugarcoat it.
Well, the midwife was wrong.
You're not a boy; you never were.
You probably have an excess of testosterone.
Your body got confused and produced more estrogen to compensate, which may account for your accessory breast.
What about my ding-a-ling? Um, that is not a penis.
That is an enlarged clitoris, which I can surgically reduce if it bothers you.
But either way, physically and genetically, you are 100% woman.
Now, the bleeding that you experienced, that was a miscarriage, and I'm sorry to say that that was about 12 weeks.
Now, there was no sign of injury, but the baby was just not viable.
The baby? If you wait a few months, you and your husband can try again.
But now I must be blunt.
At your age, I wouldn't wait too long.
I could have a baby with Dell.
GLORIA: Make sure it's extra deep, gentlemen.
I'm planting a whole slew of Narcissus bulbs for spring.
They're divine when arranged with Siberian iris.
Miss Gloria, you only need We're already at 12 feet.
They are special bulbs from Holland.
Please do not question me.
DANDY: The body will decompose down there and give life to these flowers.
In spring, we will look down at the blanket of color and say, "She did not die in vain.
" I'm sorry I killed Dora, Mother.
I hate to have put you out like this.
You have the sickness like your father had before you.
He stifled it the only way he could.
These mental perversions are an affliction of the extremely affluent.
Cousins marry cousins to protect the money, to keep the estates whole.
Becomes a right of passage to have a psychotic or two in the line.
Jack the Ripper was a Windsor, for God's sake.
I wanted to be an actor, Mother.
None of this would've happened if you had let me.
I need to express myself.
Please, Mother, I I don't want to end up like Daddy.
Swinging lifeless on a Japanese maple.
I won't have that for you.
But it's 1952.
You can't just go around picking up vagrants and killing them.
People are missed.
I'll figure something out.
No, no, no, Ma Petite.
There's a smudge.
I have to be perfect.
I have to take publicity photos for my new TV show.
I have to be a fantasy.
Yes, Miss Elsa.
Fame, makes a man take things over Fame, what you get is no tomorrow Fame Fame, fame, fame, fame, fame Fame, fame, fame, fame, fame Fame, fame, fame, fame, fame Fame, fame, fame, fame, fame Fame, fame, fame, fame, fame Fame What's your name? (gasps) Astonishing.
Isn't it just? Now, this one seems less pristine than the other.
That's because she went first.
Uh, that won't affect the price, will it? May I ask, how did they expire? (clicks tongue) Would you believe it? The droopy one caught a cold.
BETTE: Pink cupcakes! Oh! What a treat.
Well, I thought we needed something to celebrate your future.
The Tattler Twins Hour is gonna be a smash hit.
Try one.
Did you bake them? (whistling) Dot, cupcake.
The whole hour would be us? How would we ever learn enough songs? Well, you'd welcome other guests.
Uh, Perry Como.
Dinah Shore.
Oh, I adore Dinah Shore.
We were never allowed to play her records.
Mother said she was high yellow.
(coughing) Serves you right for being such a glutton.
(coughing, gasping) STANLEY: Started out as the sniffles.
Turned into something much worse.
Pneumonia, I think the doctor said.
How tragic.
Yeah, right? Bless their hearts.
Amazing how something so seemingly innocuous can cause such damage.
DOT: Oh, God.
Oh, I can't hear her.
Oh, it hurts.
Oh, it hurts.
Please, you have to get us to a hospital.
Oh, my God.
Oh (crying) (humming softly) Oh, my God, it hurts.
Please, please, please, please.
(crying) Huh? Cupcake.
I don't want a cupcake.
(sobs) Bette, wake up! Wake up, please, I beg of you.
Shh, shh, shh.
Please help me.
Mm Ow.
(grunts) Ow.
(grunts) You should've had a cupcake.
They're to die for.
Did you bake them? With my own two hands.
No cupcakes.
We have to watch our figure if we're gonna be television personalities.
And nothing coming in.
(grunting) DANDY: I was destined to be the greatest actor of all time.
Monty Clift? If I had been in A Place in the Sun, George Stevens would have had me do the walk to the electric chair shirtless.
I mailed away for one of those Charles Atlas exercise routines they advertise in the back of the Superman comics.
And I practiced acting faces in front of the mirror-- sad, happy, moody.
But mother wouldn't let me.
I hate her! But she can't keep my greatness in the slips.
One door closes, another opens.
And this body is America, strong, violent and full of limitless potential.
My arms will hold them down when they struggle.
My legs will run them down when they flee.
I will be the U.
Steel of murder.
My body holds a heart that cannot love.
When Dora died, she looked right into my eyes, and I felt nothing.
The clown was put on earth to show me the way.
To introduce me to the sweet language of murder.
But I am no clown.
I am perfection.
I am greatness.
I am the future, and the future starts tonight.
(Bryan Ferry's "Slave to Love" playing) Tell her I'll be waiting In the usual place With the tired and weary There's no escape To need a woman You've got to know How the strong get weak And the rich get poor Slave to love Watch it! Pardon me.
Slave to love Two Brandy Alexanders.
Let me see.
(chuckles) Ah, it's a goddamn waste you being here.
Your stuff should be in one of them hot shit Fort Lauderdale galleries.
Yeah? Yeah.
Hey, you know, some guy was in here the other day from Los Angeles, and he said they have this big pier right out over the ocean and there are guys there doing caricatures for the tourists for two bucks a pop.
I'm telling you, the west is where it's all happening now.
You think I'm good enough to do that? Did he tell you he was gonna take you there? 'Cause he's lying, you know.
Just a hound dog salesman trying to get his rocks off when he's away on business.
Why-why are you getting all possessive? I got to work, right? 'Cause you and me aren't just about work.
I keep telling you, if you're getting out of this place, it's with me.
I'm not getting out.
I like it here.
I make good bread; Murray pays off the cops so no one bothers us.
The worst thing that happens to me is a little blood in my shorts if someone gets a little rough, or I get a load in my hair.
I told you not to talk about things like that with me! There are no other guys but me! BARTENDER: Hey! (gun cocks) We're fine.
It's all right.
(sighs) Look, I'm I'm here almost every day.
I skip out on work sometimes to be with you.
We drink and we talk.
About real life.
You can't tell me that's all on the clock.
We talk.
You tell me stuff, too.
About your wife.
About how you're gonna leave.
Big talk.
Usually lasts until you finish, and then you're out the door before I can wipe my dick off.
This is hard for me! I got I got a lot of complications.
I've been doing this my whole life.
But with you, I'm really gone, Andy.
I love you.
Love me? You've been in town a month.
You know what I don't get about you, Dell? What do you have to lose? I mean, most of the johns in here are businessmen, lawyers, fathers.
No one is inviting you to join the chamber of commerce.
Who are you hiding out from? You're already a freak.
And no one knows I'm one of them.
So what's your play here, handsome? Eventually I will leave.
(sighs): Yeah.
But until then, let me get you your own little place.
Not that motel you're staying in, just a-a place with a record player and good light, where you can draw.
I don't want you hanging around this place no more, letting these creeps paw at you.
I think you still love your wife, Dell.
I got a heart, you know? I do feel things.
When I'm bending those steel bars or I got a stack of three acrobats standing on my head, it hurts like hot lead in my fingers and shoulders.
Most people can't take the pain.
But not me.
The pain don't define me.
But I still feel it.
Every time I leave this place, every time I can't go in because you're with some other guy, giving yourself to him even though I know he doesn't give two shits about you.
There is nothing worse than the hurt of loving someone you can't have.
Look, Dell I work here.
This is my office.
When I'm here, I'm working.
You get what I'm saying? Wait, stay a while.
I'll get the next round.
(sighs) Hello.
Well, hello, stranger.
What would you like? Excuse me? (laughs) Well, it's a dollar to sit and talk, five for a dance, ten to go into the alley behind the bar and 20 to take me home.
BETTE: He wants to make us television stars.
I don't understand.
We could have such a fantastic time, singing and dancing on our own TV show.
ELSA: I am with your sister, Dot.
The opportunity of a lifetime presents itself on a silver platter, and you hesitate? I don't know if he's told you yet, but he has asked me to go as well.
Would you be a guest on the Tattler Sisters' Hour? ELSA: (scoffs) Hardly.
In addition to having my own show, he has asked me to mentor you.
And what could be better? Because I, more than anyone, want the very, very best for you.
DOT: I don't trust her.
ELSA: So go to bed early tonight.
Get lots of rest.
And in the morning, I have arranged for a discreet private fitting for you with the best seamstress in town.
Stars need always to be fashionable.
DOT: She's angling for something.
BETTE: Who cares? I'd love a new hat.
DELL: Hey, baby.
Where you been? Been looking all over for you, worried sick.
DESIREE: Uh-huh.
What's going on? I had to go to the doctor.
The doctor? What happened? Are you all right? I'm great.
Doctor says I'm 100% woman.
Turns out I can even have babies.
It's not too late.
A baby.
(chuckles) That's great.
It was.
Until Ethel told me the truth.
Your daddy had the lobster hands.
(sighs) Look, that old whore's got it out for me.
You can't believe a word out of that mangy broad.
And my whole life, I thought I was the freak.
(coughing) Dirty, vile-- all the things my mama used to call me.
But it was you, Dell.
You're the one with freak blood running all through your veins! You chickenshit son of a bitch, you're Jimmy's father! Who gives a shit about Jimmy?! When I think of all the time I wasted on your sorry ass, 'cause I thought this jacked up sham of a marriage was all I had, all that I deserved.
Well, let me tell you something.
I'm gonna get me my normal life.
The pretty house, have me some babies.
But not with you.
Never with you.
Hey, answer me this.
Who's gonna go for a big-dicked, three-titted woman like you? Doctor says it's just extra-large lady parts.
All cosmetic.
He gonna do a surgery, and poof, I'll look like any other lady just walking down the street.
Do you think there's something better out there for you? You go on and do your worst, 'cause once they change me down there, I'm gonna be too much woman for you anyway.
I'm moving into Ethel's caravan.
(train whistle blowing in distance) In there? Mm-hmm.
(chuckles) Um how did you find this place? It belonged to a friend of mine.
I'm not a fruit.
But you didn't pay me $100 just to talk.
I have a keen idea.
We turn our backs to each other.
You take off your clothes, and I'll take off mine.
On the count of three, we turn around.
Whatever magic happens happens.
(both laugh) Okay.
You're very handsome.
But you already know that.
Has anyone ever painted you before? I'd like to do you in oils, Cubist style, like Picasso.
Can you shut up now? I want to make this just right.
Ready? Yup.
One two three.
(grunting) (grunts echoing) (panting) (grunts) (panting) (coughs) (gasping) Why are you still moving? Help me! You're supposed to be dead.
Help me! Just die! DANDY: Rule number one of a good killer: make sure all the evidence is gone.
Start with the limbs.
(sizzling) (coughing) How can you be still alive? (panting) You're making me feel bad! Stop it! Please kill me.
Please kill me.
Ple please kill me.
(groaning) (blade sawing) (phone ringing) Hello? REGINA: Hello, Mrs.
This is Regina Ross, Dora's daughter.
How are you today? Fine, fine.
How are you? I'm wonderful.
I'm really enjoying my time here at the Barbizon Secretary School in New York City.
I'm learning so much, and I'm hoping to be placed in a position at a law firm as soon as I graduate.
Quite frankly, I'm completely overwhelmed, Regina.
I'll have to call you back another time.
Well, I'm-I'm sorry to hear that, Mrs.
Mott, but I'm concerned about my mother.
She missed our weekly phone call yesterday.
Is she all right? Yes, she's fine.
Your mother works very hard for me, dear.
Right now, she's at the farm stand buying winter squash, and with the holidays coming up, I doubt she'll have much time to call you for a month at least.
You tell my mother to call me the minute she gets home.
I'll tell her.
Regina, may I ask you a question? You played with Dandy when you were a child.
You spent time with us as a family.
Yes, yes, ma'am, I did.
What are your remembrances of me as a mother? I don't remember you really being with us.
With him.
There were always the nannies, who quit regularly, he bit so many of them.
I raised my child as I was raised.
He called for me once when he had a raging fever.
I didn't go in his room.
I was afraid I didn't know how to comfort him.
So I sent his governess in.
(voice breaking): He never called for me again.
Mott? Mrs.
Mott, I-I I'm feeling really uncomfortable, so I'm going to go now.
Uh, please tell my mother to call me.
Th-Thank you.
Mother? Miss Elsa? Didn't you say we were going into town? That sign back there said it was to the left.
Trust me, liebchen.
I have got even a better idea.
Toledo, I want to say how sorry I am for your loss.
A miscarriage is always a bitter disappointment.
Yeah, that's true.
What are you gonna do? You got to play to win, right? So you were what, some kind of fancy surgeon up north? You could say that, I suppose.
What brought you down here? My wife and I moved down here to be near our daughter and, uh, her family.
But not to retire.
I like to keep busy.
Busy, busy body.
I'm sorry? I hear you're gonna operate on my Dessi, make her into a bona fide female.
Well, she is a female.
But if a little cosmetic change makes her feel better, I don't see the harm.
Do me a favor, all right, Doc? You keep your hands off my wife, and I'll keep my hands off your family.
You got it?! I'm sorry.
You sure are sorry.
Maybe it's time for you to retire for real.
Give these magical hands of yours a little rest! (bones crack, Bonham screaming) Let's make it a matching set.
Huh? (bones crack) (screaming continues) Try to operate with those.
Now you might be thinking about talking to the police, but if you talk to them or to Dessi or anyone else, I'll pay a visit to those beautiful little grandkids of yours.
Their tiny little fingers, they'll snap like twigs.
(doorbell rings) Oh, hello.
What are you doing here? I have brought you something I believe you want.