American Horror Story s04e11 Episode Script

Magical Thinking

I don't have anything of value to give you, Mr.
Spencer.
I might have an idea how to raise the funds.
(lock clicks) (door creaks, bangs shut) I've been around long enough to know that there are two sides to show business.
Through my Hollywood connections, I know of a certain collector who's fascinated with freak shows.
Now, this person is willing to pay a lot of money for memorabilia connected to your business.
I have nothing from the show.
I have nothing.
You have your hands.
What are you talking about? Your claw.
Under glass, this would be a fascinating conversation piece.
This could bring in enough money to hire a good lawyer.
He can get you out of this jail cell.
You want to cut off my hands? Just the left one.
Are you crazy?! I can't.
I'll take my chances with a public defender.
Don't you get it? You're not getting out of here alive.
I heard what happened the last time one of your freaks got locked up.
What was his name Meep? (tapping) You drink this.
I'll take care of the rest.
Oh, don't be an idiot.
Just take this (sobs) and give yourself a chance to live.
If I walk out of here you're on your own.
STANLEY: Guard! (Jimmy retching) I got a very sick prisoner in here.
He's got to get to the hospital right away.
I've got strict orders from Colquitt.
- He stays in the cell.
- No.
No, no, no.
A cell is where you're going to end up if he dies in there on your watch.
This is a medical emergency.
I will bring the full fury of the law down upon your head if I don't get an ambulance now! (Jimmy groans) You sure got here fast.
I was in the neighborhood.
(engine starts) (siren wailing) Don't worry, Jimmy, you're in my hands now.
(gas hissing) (siren fades) JIMMY: Where am I? NURSE: County hospital.
Cops are ready to take you back as soon as the doctor says you're stable.
Should be in the next day or so.
(groans) (chains rattling) (groans) Can Help Can you get me something for the pain? I don't think so.
My friend Myrna was at that Tupperware party.
(gasping) (gasps) (screams) Dear diary, I've heard Miss Elsa say, on many an occasion, that her freaks are the bravest, most honest people on Earth.
These last nightmarish months have revealed the powerful, unexpected truth in those words.
With every reason to hide themselves away, bitter and self-pitying, they do the opposite.
They are, in fact, the most joyous people on Earth.
The reason? They believe in absolute pleasure.
The very thing we've been taught to deny ourselves our whole lives.
BETTE: Today I declare us to be free.
I've gone back to our comfortable mousey brown.
I don't need to be different anymore.
My sister is all I need now.
And I'm all she needs.
Loving Jimmy has left Dot's heart in a thousand pieces.
Believing in Dandy as my savior was an exercise in foolishness.
PAUL: Hello, loves.
I hear he and Penny do it with the contortionist.
(giggles) DOT: We are where we belong.
This place, these people, are our world, and it is like a banquet, full of delicious possibilities.
But our top priority is sex.
Hard to believe, but my romantic Bette has never heard of an orgasm.
We will pick someone we both find appealing and get on with it.
I said kiss me, not lick me.
But I am French.
BETTE: He's not the one, Dot.
Thank you, Toulouse, that's enough for today.
(kisses) (indistinct chatter) BETTE: So this has been my last entry, Diary.
We have no need for secrets.
There is nothing to hide from one another any longer.
MAN (Georgia accent): Don't be scared, she won't bite you.
See? They're friendly, easy to care for, and they go with anything.
The perfect accessory for any lady.
BETTE: What's happening over here? I thought we had rehearsal scheduled.
PAUL: Hello, girls.
This is Chester.
He's just been showing us some of his wares.
Just he's a salesman.
A traveling salesman? DOT: You know what they say about them.
CHESTER: Well, I traveled here, anyway.
From down Georgia way.
That's where I raise these beauties.
You have a lizard farm? Chameleons.
Have a hothouse back home.
They do love the heat and a fresh cricket every now and again.
Otherwise, they don't ask for much.
Oh (echoes): they're beautiful.
I think they just want to be loved.
To belong.
Bette, I do believe this young man's making eyes at you.
Maybe that's why they want to blend in.
That is a very interesting hobby.
The doctors said I needed to do something to calm my nerves after the war.
They seem to do the trick.
You were in the war? Yes, ma'am.
Normandy Beach.
Wounded, so they tell me.
But better off than most of the other fellas, 'cause, well, here I am.
Yes.
Got a metal plate in my head, so I never go out in a thunderstorm.
And what brings you to Florida, Chester? You do.
Well, your troupe, I mean.
When I heard tell of it, I had to come see for myself.
You've heard of us? Of course.
A bona fide freak show? Heck, I-I didn't think there were any left.
I mean, I'd seen some of the sideshows that travel with the larger outfits.
But they're mostly hokum.
Mm.
I did bird-dog a couple of them.
I even auditioned for Ringling Bros.
and Barnum & Bailey once.
But I guess I didn't have what it takes.
You have an act? Well not much.
I like to think I do a little magic.
(gasping) Thought I'd be good for the stage, but then they told me to disappear.
Oh.
BETTE: I think he's wonderful.
DOT: He's very handsome.
BETTE: He could be the one.
So, who's interested? DOT: Let's just hope that war wound didn't break anything important.
(giggles) I went to the jail to visit you.
They sent me here.
What kind of trouble did you Did the cops do this? They can't go away with butchering you.
I sold them.
Can you believe that's a thing? Selling your hands? Richard Spencer, that Hollywood guy.
He's going to get me a lawyer, a good one, but I needed cash for the retainer.
So he said there was a guy who'd pay good money for them.
You shouldn't have trusted that guy.
I didn't even know you knew him.
He's just one of those Hollywood types.
He promised me he was only going to take one of them.
Why do you figure he took them both? Because he's a lying prick.
No, he's not! I got to believe he's not.
He's the only person who came in showing me any kind of hope.
I was guaranteed to die in that cell or take a chance and bet my hands that he can get me out.
(groans) Do you mind? Some of them prosthetics they got nowadays-- pretty good.
Uh I knew this guy who lost both of his hands at Guadalcanal.
He was a cook at a fancy place in Asbury Park.
He had these two hooks, and he could, uh, he could chop and dice and mix-- all that normal cook shit.
Hey, you know what I was thinking about doing after I get this all straightened out? I'm gonna see if I can buy the show from Elsa.
She's leaving, right? So I figured she'd sell it to me for cheap-- keep it in the family and all that.
I'll go in on that with you.
Toledo and Son Freak Show.
(laughs) Hey, you know what I don't get.
How come you don't got the lobster claws? Because you are looking at the black sheep of the Toledo family.
My dad and my two brothers, they had it.
The Famed Toledo Lobster Claw Clan.
(applause, whistling) Meanwhile, I'd bring my father a beer and I was so nervous, my hands would tremble and I'd drop it half the time, and he'd say, "Five good fingers and you can't even "hold on to a bottle of suds.
Maybe I should just bite 'em off one at a time.
" Imagine that-- being a freak for being normal.
I took one look at those claws I ran away from you as fast as I could.
I'm almost 50 years old, and I'm feeding my son for the first time.
CHESTER: Miss Mars perhaps you would be interested in the Chinese Linking Rings.
Three solid steel rings.
Watch.
Ha! All three linked.
Please stop.
Just stop.
We are a freak show, not a magic show.
You understand? I do understand, ma'am.
I'm sorry to have wasted your time.
I've just always dreamt of being a professional magician since I was a wee boy.
You have no idea how tough it is to come by those jobs.
(chuckles) I'm mostly just an ordinary Joe.
Unless you count my Marjorie.
And who is Marjorie? (chuckles softly) Oh.
A dummy.
Shh.
Shh.
She doesn't much care for that word.
N-Now, Marjorie, this is a potential employer, so, uh please try to make a good impression.
I always do.
You're the real dummy.
You'll screw this up like everything else.
CHESTER: Seems like someone's woken up on the wrong side of the bed.
Wrong side of the crate.
Ow! Ow! Marjorie, that's not She's such a kidder.
She's actually my best friend.
I don't know what I'd do without her.
Yes, well you and your little friend are very charming, but, uh it's a shame we don't have any openings at the moment.
Look, well, it Might it be possible for me to sell my chameleons before the shows? I-I insist on splitting the profit with you 50-50.
No one wants to buy baby lizards.
Well, ac-actually, that's not true, ma'am.
In, uh in Macon I made I-I made 15 bucks in one night and-and 20 bucks the next.
Here.
Hmm, so many numbers.
So you are good with math? Yes, ma'am.
Fascinating.
You know, uh, perhaps if you were willing to help out with our bookkeeping I could let you, uh, warm up the crowd.
Hmm? (chuckles) I'm I'm speechless.
Did you hear that, Marjorie? Miss Elsa said we can stay.
Miss Elsa (crying) I am a simple man, but I have been to hell and back.
You have given me and Marjorie a place.
A purpose.
A family.
This is it.
This is our chance.
How come I'm not on the bill? Marjorie, I'm not even on the bill.
It's just gonna say "magic act.
" You let her take advantage of you.
You groveled.
It was sad.
Don't talk to me like that.
It's not nice! And don't pout.
Don't I always take care of you? PAUL: Oh.
I thought I heard voices.
I'm just rehearsing.
Right.
Might want to go easy on that rouge.
You look like you just marched out of The Nutcracker Suite.
(Marjorie giggling) Nutcracker.
AMAZON EVE: Where does this one go? I told you, furs and gowns go in this trunk, and the costumes in that trunk.
No! What? Eve, Eve.
Does that look like a costume to you? Huh? Well, truthfully, sometimes it's hard to know with you.
(laughs) You know, I'm going to miss that sharp tongue of yours, my darling.
Where is he? Where is who? Your Hollywood hotshot, Spencer.
I'm gonna kill him.
What are you babbling about? His hands.
Jimmy cut off his hands to pay for an attorney.
They bring him back to prison tomorrow.
No.
How can he defend himself if he doesn't have his hands? You have to get him out of there.
Do you hear me? You have to get him out of there.
Dell! You lied to Jimmy.
About that night you came into my caravan.
You told him you wanted to put an act together.
Look, lady, I'm sorry about all that mess-- I really am-- But I just can't go round two with you right now.
No.
Now I think we should put that act together, Strong Man and Strong Woman.
I'm talking about Jimmy.
I want to help.
Come with me.
CHESTER: Ladies? Chester.
Do come in.
I have the most exciting news.
Elsa told us-- she's going to let you do your magic act.
Yes.
And I cannot thank you enough for vouching for me.
I got you two a little something.
(both gasp) DOT (laughing): Oh! Go on.
Open it up.
(music playing) DOT: Oh, it's so charming.
Thank you.
Oh.
I almost forgot the best part.
Miss Elsa sent me to the storage tent, gave me permission to rummage through some of the old props.
You will never guess what I discovered.
Wow.
What a trove of wonders.
Mostly junk, you ask me.
What's this? PAUL: This is all Dell's crap.
I bet he nicked this when he was working with that Hardeen Houdini.
Chinese water torture.
Which, for me, is five minutes with Dell.
CHESTER: A genuine Goldin's Sawing Box.
That's a trick box magicians use to to saw a lady in half.
It's still in good shape, too.
We don't want to be sawed in half.
Not anymore.
No, no, it's a classic illusion.
I pull a volunteer out of the audience, only it's actually a plant.
Her head and feet are exposed so that the audience can see the real deal.
I spin the box around and that's when the trick happens.
You see, your contortionist has to pull her entire body up into the first half of the box before I saw the rest in half.
Why are you telling us all this? You're ruining the surprise.
Because my assistants need to know all my secrets.
Magic is all about distracting an audience.
And what better distraction than you two? Why? Because we're freaks? No No.
Because you're beautiful.
You listen to me carefully.
When I first saw you two, I was so taken.
And not just by your beauty.
I don't know how to explain it.
It was like like I was seeing old friends.
It was like I was coming home.
(moaning softly) (panting) (chuckling) (gasping) (chuckling) (women laughing) (women moan) Do you really think we're beautiful? Why do you think I chose you? All magician's assistants have to be beautiful.
(laughs) That's tradition.
So you'll divert the audience while I use my sleight of hand And now the fun begins.
(crowd murmurs) (screams) I seem to be stuck on something.
Psst.
(clicks tongue) Hah! (screaming) Ah.
MAN: Ooh.
Shall we? (giggles) One, two, three.
(cheering) (laughing) Please.
BETTE: He really seems taken with us.
DOT: He does.
It's magical.
Get up, Darling.
We're taking you back to the can.
Bring him down to the wagon.
No! (tires screeching) You stupid bitch! (grunts) (grunting) You got shot.
Yeah, it hurts like hell.
Good.
MARJORIE: You never needed an assistant.
CHESTER: We never had a real show before.
This is our chance! You're constantly twisting what I say to fit your agenda.
Stop putting words in my mouth! You It's so wonderful how you throw your voice like that.
Thank you.
We needed to talk to you about something.
Oh? It's urgent.
Wh Stop, stop, stop.
But we are ready.
Wh And we choose you to deflower us.
BETTE: We may be just off the farm, but we can tell when a man is flirting with us.
DOT: With both of us.
You're the first person to ever do that.
(high-pitched tone) Mm Ah When I get worked up, my head aches.
DOT: Sit.
Settle yourself.
We'll rub your shoulders.
(Chester breathing heavily) (tone subsides) So you would involve me? Oh, yes.
And we've heard it's many men's fantasy to be carnal with two girls at the same time.
Hmm.
Not his! Shut up.
(exhales) Ah (moans in pleasure) For Christ's sake, Chester, I can handle you sitting there like a dummy, but that puppet Come on, Chester Are you going to join us or not? Live and let live Alice says it's okay, as long as you don't touch her.
How fortunate she's so understanding.
And if you're taking her from behind, no eye contact, Chester the molester.
Alice, don't tease.
(women giggling) Oh, sweetheart, please.
I'll feel guilty if you don't.
Oh, my darling I'm going to the garage to work on my magic.
I'm so all alone (laughs) I'm going to do some magic right here, Chester.
I'm going to make these two fingers disappear.
Ah I beg you, darling (giggles) To forgive me And come on home Ah (tone resumes) Aah! How do I know that this is real and not just some magic trick? You don't want me for this.
(sobs) BETTE: But you are real, Chester.
And we are real.
(exhales) Wait.
Wait, wait, wait.
I'm sorry.
She relaxes me.
Whatever you need.
Yeah.
(kissing) Oh! Ow, ow, ow Uh Ah (gasps) (giggles) MAN: I shoved my lens through the tent flap.
They were too busy to notice.
Did it appear romantic? Do they love him? I don't know.
I hired you to find out everything.
You're a private dick, aren't you? Look, buddy who knows what's going through their jumbled minds? They're freaks.
Please don't call them that.
(sniffs) They were supposed to be mine.
See there? All nice and comfy.
I'm not going in there.
You can't make me.
I don't like it here.
Well, I'm sorry, Marjorie, but I do.
And I like those girls.
I they make me happy.
If you lock me in that crate, I'll tell.
I'll tell everything.
No, you won't.
I will, too! You can't hide me away! Time, they say Marjorie? Heals a broken heart Marjorie? ALICE: Lose something? But for me there just is no cure Where is she? You are sick in the head, Chester.
I'm trying to help you.
What have you done with her? Christ.
Do you hear yourself? You are off your rocker.
Maybe it's that plate in your head.
You can steal my wife, but you cannot have her! Not my Marjorie! What kind of man are you, Chester? You can't get it up without a doll watching you? You're the pervert.
People are talking, you know.
They all think you're insane.
The war's been over for four years, and you're still wearing your uniform.
Are you gonna let her talk to us like that? Marjorie (exhales) MARJORIE: We need to get rid of her.
And the wife.
PAUL: Chester? Yeah, um When you can manage to stop talking to yourself for five minutes, Miss Elsa would like a word with you.
Is everything okay? You-you look like you're angry.
Us freaks had a whip 'round.
Put together every cent we had.
Tried to buy the show from Elsa.
She said it was a pittance.
Turned us down flat.
She said she had another buyer lined up.
This evening, we toast a miracle.
Fraulein Elsa's Cabinet of Curiosities will belong to you, Chester Creb, for the sum of $1,000.
Ah, I couldn't be a happier man, Elsa.
Hmm.
Here's what you don't know about me, Liebchen.
I am more than just an artist.
I can spot a good business deal in the dark with a blindfold on.
It was obvious when you showed me your ledger that you were a man of means.
More well-heeled than you let on.
Which, of course, is the mark of a true gentleman.
Well, God bless you, 'cause I never dared to dream that I would find such a perfect place for myself.
And Marjorie.
Yes.
So, I have outlined all the caveats so that the transition is smooth and effortless.
No one is to be fired.
All acts remain the same, performed in their proper order.
That sounds just perfect, it's perfect.
Oh, by the way, are you, are you planning to ship all of these beautiful antiques when you head out west? No, no.
I think I I need a fresh start.
(chuckles) But they're a little bit on the feminine side for you, no? Truthfully, I was thinking that Marjorie should have this tent.
Poor dear.
She's been through a lot lately.
We've been on the road a fair amount.
And she's going She's She is going to be the headliner.
So Marjorie, I have the most exciting news.
Didn't I say I would take care of you? N-No.
Marjorie?! (sirens wailing) So, Detective, what false accusation have you prepared for us now? COLQUITT: Where is he?! Where's Jimmy Darling? I know you've got that asshole holed up somewhere in this godforsaken place.
(chuckles) Two brave officers are dead.
They got their heads bashed in tonight.
And when I find him, I'm gonna string him up myself.
That's a promise.
Well, like you said, you have to find him first, right? Officer, Officer, thank God you're here.
You have to put out an all-points bulletin immediately.
My Marjorie has been abducted.
Take your hands off me.
Please, she's just a girl.
She's got brown hair and the sweetest smile.
She stands about, uh, two and a half feet tall, fully extended.
She must be so frightened without me.
Mr.
Creb, are you talking about your puppet? Yes, that's what I'm saying.
Marjorie is missing.
Get out of my face, wise guy, before I lock you up, too.
I think Mr.
Creb is just confused.
I'm not Why will no one listen to me? My Marjorie needs me.
I have to go find her.
Move an inch, and I'll put a bullet in you.
Now, boys, let's tear this place apart! OFFICER: Everybody, dig in! (indistinct shouting) Again.
CHESTER: Marjorie.
No, no.
No.
Stop hiding.
I know you're just doing it to punish me.
Looking for someone? My Marjorie is lost.
Oh.
No, she's not lost.
She told me she's running away.
You Marjorie is very angry with you.
What you did to the twins.
I knew it, it's jealousy.
But sh-she has to know that this time is different.
They want me to join them.
They included me.
She also said she's telling.
About what happened to your wife and her friend Alice.
But I didn't do anything to them.
He murdered them both in cold blood.
Rumor is-- they fell in love when their husbands went off to war.
Alice's husband died in Normandy, and then she moved in with Lucy.
When Chester came home, well, let's just say three's a crowd.
Macon Police found the bodies in the bedroom.
In a note Chester told them Marjorie did it.
He's been on the lam since.
What a sicko.
Tell me, how did they die? (pounding rhythmically) Oh, my No Marjorie, no.
They should have let us join in.
We should have been included.
I tried to stop her.
But it was too late.
Are you gonna turn her in? No, Chester.
I am firmly on your side.
I wouldn't take her away from you.
She's the only one you can trust.
I need her to be happy.
I'll let you in on a secret.
She told me where she was going.
Look for her in the big tent.
Marj You can't run away from me anymore.
You don't know how it makes me feel when you're gone.
Please, Marjorie, you have to talk to me.
You're my best friend.
Plus, we own this place now, so you can have anything you want.
I want top billing.
Done.
And I want to get rid of people keeping us apart.
But this time you have to do the dirty work.
What are you talking about? You're a magician.
You're going to saw those twins in half.
What are you doing here? Come with me.
There's something I have to show you.
(gun cocks) Jesus, Desiree.
Sit down, Dell.
We got a lot to talk about.
I'm not gonna talk about anything until you put that gun down.
I'm glad you want to talk.
I want to talk to you, too.
No more of your talk.
It's all been bullshit.
Thinking I could shut my eyes and ears to the truth.
It was one thing when it was your lying, cheating, and Homo erectus nonsense.
But no more.
No more bullshit.
Who have you killed since we got here, Dell? No one who didn't have it coming.
Those cops would have killed Jimmy if I didn't do something.
So you say you killed those cops? Hmm.
Who else? No one.
All I've done for the last 24 hours is try to set things right.
That's why I came here.
To tell you I'm a changed man, baby.
I talked to Jimmy.
We made big plans.
For all of us.
Even a baby, if that's what you want.
You went too far, Dell.
You killed one of your own.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Lying The truth always reveals itself.
(gasping) No! Desiree I was being blackmailed.
Say it, Dell.
Who'd you kill? I killed Ma Petite.
How? I I smothered her.
(gun fires) That's all I needed to hear.