Angry Boys (2011) s01e06 Episode Script
Episode 6
Come in a bit more.
If you move your head at any time, you're a faggot.
No, keep your fucking head straight.
Ready? Steve's being such a dickhead lately.
Like, he gets pissed off at me no matter what I do.
Daniel, don't spit on your brother.
I'm not spitting on him.
It's spit strings.
I'm not actually touching him.
It's just a game.
And sometimes, like, my brothers are in pain.
It doesn't mean that they're not enjoying themselves.
Oh! See, that's what happens.
You moved your head, man.
(Laughs) Steve doesn't even know how to have fun.
Like, Nath did stink cups on him - didn't even laugh.
Oi, Steve, does this smell weird? Go (Boys laugh) Oh! Fucking funny.
You disgusting little pigs.
Yeah, he just doesn't get that it's just family stuff.
It's just part of being in the Sims Family.
Give me the remote.
No, I'm using it.
Just give it to me.
You want it? Yeah, give it to me.
Just get it get it yourself.
Just reach in and get it.
This is where I like to keep it sometimes.
If you want it, just reach in and get it.
Give me back the remote control.
You really want it? Do you want the remote? Don't be childish.
Give it back.
Did you want the remote? Reach in and get it.
Daniel That's all you have to do, Stevie.
It's all you have to do.
Just hand me the remote control.
Just one little Oh, Steve just tried to molest me.
See that, Mum? I'm just trying to, like, make him be get the ways of our family.
He needs to just get a sense of humour.
Daniel, stop it! You just never give up, do you? He tried to touch my arse, Mum.
You never give up! He tried to touch my arse.
God, he'll think our family is weird, the way you carry on.
It's just weird.
All I'm saying, Mum, is that's weird.
You crossed the line, Steve.
I'm not gonna go on with this, Daniel.
Just £ Theme music (Pretend you're asleep.
Pretend you're asleep.
) I know you're faking it.
Karina's been on my case heaps lately 'cause she reckons I'm not doing anything.
Like, she reckons I'm hanging around the house heaps.
Karina's fat.
What?! I'm sleep talking.
She's been giving me heaps of grief lately about spending too much time with Hunter, 'cause she reckons we don't do anything productive.
Am I a chick? No.
Which is bullshit 'cause she doesn't see half the shit we do.
The thing is with a tat, you can't get something too that will date.
And she hates me hanging out with the Mucca Mad Boys.
Is he at the kiosk? What she doesn't get is my gang responsibilities? No, stand your ground, mate.
We'll see you at the beach.
She thinks it's easy being me.
And it's actually not.
Where were ya? Where were ya? How many you got to go? Um Me and Hunter have actually been really busy coming up with a money-spinner idea.
Do that again.
It's a fitness and nutrition surfing course.
It's called Fat Boys, for young fat dudes that wanna get into surfing, wanna get up on a wave.
I'm actually I'm stoked that we got seven bookings.
Who are they? Just random fat dudes.
They stay here - we've got dorm accommodation down the clubhouse.
We're gonna bring in food and stuff, teach them about a healthy lifestyle.
We've actually got our first course coming up this weekend.
So, yeah, looking forward to meeting the young dudes.
G'day, mate.
How you going? Blake.
How you going, little fella? What's your name? Welcome to Fat Boys School.
I just reckon, from my perspective, if I can get a fat dude up there on a surfboard catching a wave - and a dude that probably thought he'd never be able to do that - then I'm stoked.
Say goodbye to Mum and Dad.
See you.
See you, Mum and Dad.
Yeah.
Bye, Mum.
See you, darling.
Have fun.
I will.
OK, now, you be responsible, Daniel.
Yeah.
Fuck off, Daniel! Daniel, don't! Oh, what?! I said fuck off! See you, Nath! Have a good weekend! STEVE: See you.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye.
(Car horn toots) It's a long weekend, so Mum and Steve are going away.
They're going to stay in a hotel.
Whenever they go away, they leave me in charge of the whole household.
So I become like the dad of the family for the weekend.
Go make beds, both of you.
Piss off! Make your beds.
Go and make your bed.
Do mine and Nath's.
Go do Mum and Dad's after that, Julia.
I'll give you five minutes.
It's good.
Like, I sort of look after the household.
Like, cleaning and preparing meals and shit.
Alright, guys, who wants melted chocolate? Just whatever needs doing, I do it.
Like, I assign chores to various brothers.
Not bad.
I'll get you to do round the front too.
Now.
Get off my chair.
Yeah, I actually quite like being in charge.
Fuck off! I was watching that.
I'm the dad.
Fuck you! Just do it, Nathan.
I don't make the rules, I just enforce them.
It's 10:00 and it's bedtime.
Go to fucking bed.
It's not an easy role.
Like, there's a fair bit of responsibility on your shoulders.
New rule, guys - no dogs in rooms while you're sleeping.
Stick that under your tongue.
Things like kids' health issues - you gotta be careful about that.
Like, anything could happen with kids.
Show me.
Yeah, you're right.
Lights out.
Yeah, there's a fair few privileges that come with being the dad too.
Like, I get to sleep in the double bed.
Get out! It's parents only.
And I pretty much decide how the weekend will run.
You tell Johnno to bring a case.
So, like, for example, tomorrow night, I'm having a huge party.
So I've pretty much invited everyone in Dunt to come.
We should do an all-nighter.
Just stay up all night.
That's just one of the good things about being a parent.
You pretty much get to do whatever you want.
If you fart, you're out.
GRAN: Well, it's been a busy couple of months.
I still have not heard from the celebrities that Daniel's asked me to invite to his party for Nathan, which is unusual.
I do feel quietly confident that they'll make an appearance.
Work's been pretty full-on.
Off, please.
You're off privileges for a week.
Give it to Jonathan.
My problem boy, Talib, he's still not talking, despite my efforts.
One word and I'll give you this ten bucks.
We haven't heard yet, but he may end up in for a long stint, so we do need to get him up on his feet and socialising.
(Laughs) Hey, it's Gran and the doggy wanker.
He's outside for once.
The other boys haven't been terribly friendly to him and welcoming.
Leave him alone! They've actually been making his life hell.
You lot shut the fuck up! Well, he's not an easy kid.
I think if he made an effort to interact with the other boys, I think he'd be doing himself a lot of favours.
He doesn't like balls, he likes dicks.
It's a pretty rough place in here.
I think you can't afford to be a pussy and keep to yourself.
You've got to grow some balls, to some extent.
(Yelling) Jesus Christ! Don't you fucking spit on me! You want the fucking afternoon in iso? Hi, fellas.
Welcome to pig duty.
I've tried getting him involved with some of the leader boys.
I forced them to hang out with him a little bit more.
You could do it with Marlin.
You guys could have a chat while you're doing that.
How about no, Gran? How about you try for me, please, Marlin? That was a disaster, actually.
Of course, I forgot that he's sexually attracted to animals.
So that didn't go down too well.
I might take that off you.
I tried getting him involved in song night.
That didn't go down too well either.
He didn't want a bar of it, literally.
£ They try to make me go to rehab £ I said £ But I feel like I will get through to him, that underneath that facade, there's a lovely boy.
I think it's just a matter of time.
And rashies Fellas, once your T-shirts and thongs are off, come get your rashies.
Well, it's a pretty intensive surfing course.
There's a lot involved.
For a lot of these young blokes, fat really rules their life, you know, destroys their confidence.
A lot of these guys deal with fat on a daily basis, you know? They look down, they see fat.
How's that feeling? I can't really breathe.
You can't breathe? My idea is to use surfing to get their confidence up to a level that is better.
OK, welcome to Fat Boys School.
You're all here, guys, because you are BOYS: Fat.
.
.
fat.
That's right.
A lot of these guys, they're not used to physical shit.
I can't just chuck them in the water.
I'm gonna deal with the fat issue first.
I'll get you to look behind you at Hunter there.
This is an example of what it looks like to be a fat guy.
He looks pretty fat, doesn't he? BOYS: Yes.
Yeah.
Now, guys, when you're walking down the street, you see a fat kid like you, what sort of names would people say? Any ideas? Oh, 'You're a fat shit.
' 'You're a rolly-polly.
' Alright, I want you to yell out some insults to our fat guy here.
The kind of thing that you might get, yell it to him.
BOY: You've got more rolls than a bakery.
Yeah.
Give it to him.
You're the size of King Kong's arse.
I think it's good for these blokes to be on the other side of insults, to know what it feels like.
Why don't you shut up and eat heaps of burgers, and don't ever come back, and eat your wife? This is great.
Great, guys.
It builds their strength, you know? And these blokes, when they're out in the water, they're facing massive waves, they'll need all the strength they can get.
Guys, any of you got girlfriends? Hand up if you've got a girlfriend.
None of youse? Didn't think so.
BOY: No.
Right, you ever tried to make a move on a girl and she says, you know, 'Piss off, you fat shit,' or something? Yeah.
Hurts your feelings? BOYS: Yeah.
Yep? Right, we're gonna play a game today.
We're gonna reverse that feeling.
We're gonna show those girls, those girls that call you fat shits, that you may be fat, but you've still got feelings.
Alright, fellas, when you see a hot girl, remember, let her have it.
Oh, my goodness, don't let her get in the water.
There'll be a tsunami! Go get that girl up there.
ALL: (Sing) £ Hey, fatty boombah Want another cream cake? £ Awesome.
How you going, Lara? If you call me fat again, I'll call you all the names I can think up.
NATHAN: Oi, Daniel! Daniel, you fag! Oh, the party is going off already.
Hey, Tommy! Half of Dunt's coming.
It's going to be pretty huge.
Yeah, we could never have done this with Mum and Steve here though.
No fucking way.
Hey! (Yells indistinctly) Hey! Hey, you got two glow sticks.
Heaps of people here.
Word's got around.
Basically, ever kid in Dunt is here tonight.
And we're expecting a few others from other towns and shit to come in.
It's open invitation, so just whoever rocks up, rocks up.
As long as you got booze and that with ya, come over.
Briony, take some photos for us.
Yeah! GIRL: Hey, Daniel, it's your mum calling.
What? Yeah, na, it's going well.
Yeah, I got the kids doing their homework and shit.
Yeah.
Nah.
Na, Tyson's playing a movie or something.
It's just like a party movie or something.
Yeah.
Right, seeya.
Oi, where the fuck is Nathan? Why is he being a fucking knob? Go tell him to come out.
Well, the fucking party's going.
He should be here.
Oh, Nath's always like a full fag whenever I have parties.
Like, last time I had this party, right, Nath put dog shit in the microwave.
And it fucking stank.
Oi, Julia, one more beer and that's it, OK? Fuck off! One more beer, bitch.
What?! Nathan's stuck.
He's in trouble.
What does he want? Oh, my God.
You fucking idiot! He did it himself.
I saw him.
Stupid, dumb He pulled the zip up with his teeth.
Fuck! Are you stuck in this? Why are you fucking You broke the fucking zip.
BOY: Is he stuck in there? Yeah, he's fucking stuck.
I'm not cutting that to get you out of there, you dickhead.
He likes the way the balls feel.
Fucking hell, man.
Are you naked inside that? You stupid little faggot.
(Laughs) It's not fucking funny.
How are we gonna clean this up? I'm not fucking cleaning it up.
You're a dickhead.
Fucking hell, man.
You're a retard.
Well, every couple of months, we do our Scaring Young Boys program.
I get a young guy in, a boy who's been getting in trouble at school.
Maybe Mum's at their wit's end.
They're on a pathway towards criminal activity.
Extra ball and chains for those guys that don't have them.
Who needs a ball and chain? What I like to do is to ham things up a little bit.
It's a little role-play that we do.
We make the prison look a lot scarier and worse than it really is.
Once your ball and chains are on, the get familiar with them, have a walk around, guys.
I have no trouble getting my guys involved.
They get a week of privileges if they do so.
Imran, your hat.
A lot of my guys, they're big show-offs.
So they love the opportunity to perform.
Be careful, don't strike each other with your balls, please.
Guys, doesn't Talib look good? I'm gonna use this as an opportunity to get Talib involved with the other boys.
Very handsome in that outfit.
He looks great.
Hello, young man.
WOMAN: Gran and her little dress-up thing - I know that it does look a bit weird on the surface.
And at first, I was worried that it could have a detrimental effect on the boys.
The kids here call me Psycho Sims.
So I hear you've been a naughty boy.
But there's no doubt that it is a tradition.
And it does seem to be an effective program.
These are our cells, where you're going to be spending most of your time.
We lock down for a lot of the day in there.
BOY, IN CELL: Arggh! Oh! I'll just get you to keep on walking through.
And there's a lot of BOY: Psycho Sims.
Oh, yes? Yes? I'm starving.
Can I have my bread, please? Starving.
We'll get the bread and water.
That's what you get once a day.
That's your food.
I'll leave your bread there for you, actually.
No, it's not lunchtime so we'll leave it there.
There till lunchtime.
That's Come on, Angus.
I'll show you to the torture rooms downstairs.
This is our yard out here.
LEGS: Scum! Get a move on! As you can see, we uh we work the boys like this most of the morning.
And then we go out and do some hard labour, that sort of thing, a railway working afternoon.
It's pretty rough.
BOY: Psycho Sims, can we stop? Please? My ankles are killing me.
Shut up, prisoner, or you'll get some torture this afternoon.
You wanna spend the afternoon in the dungeon? I haven't stretched a prisoner in a while.
Why is he allowed to do that? Well bloody done, Talib.
Thanks a lot.
Nice one, doggy wanker.
Fuck it up, why don't ya? Thanks for ruining it.
I'm so bloody sick of you.
You're useless! Do we still get KFC? You fucked it up, not us! Stop being a fucking idiot and grow some balls.
For Christ's sake.
JULIE: Officer Sims.
Can I have a word, please? Just don't take the equipment without asking.
BLAKE: Oh, surfing lessons are going unreal, yeah.
I'm pretty stoked with the progress so far.
Who's ready to go in the water? We got a few blokes up.
Not everyone's getting up.
But, you know, they're all having a good time.
Yeah, we had a few of the Fennel Hell men looking over from the headland.
They don't know what I'm doing.
I was saying to Hunter, good to keep them guessing.
I am losing a few boards.
Dealing with kids this size, I mean, they're pretty fucking fat.
They're gonna break a few boards.
So, yeah, I have lost a few.
We get a couple of boys, what I call sinkers, which means they sink to the bottom.
We got a sinker! You right, mate? Yeah, yep.
You alright? You know, Hunter and I have that code - we call out 'sinker!' You know, it means there's just a boy on the bottom.
You have to pull them out.
You don't want them sitting there too long, drowning, that sort of thing.
You're good mate.
You're good.
You alright? I think it's three minutes and they get some brain damage.
Here comes a wave! It's really surprising.
He's looking after them and keeping an eye on everyone.
And I say Go, go, go, go! Standing up, Julian! (Both cheer) He stood up! First Fat Boy surfer! He stood up! He stood up! He stood up! Who saw that? How do you feel, mate? First Fat Boy surfer! Yeah, good, hey? Yeah! (Blake and Hunter shout indistinctly) Stacks on Julian! Stacks on him! Stacks on Julian! Stacks on him! Stacks on, Julian! I can't breathe! Get off! (All shout) What are you doing?! Get off him.
You right, Julian? Are you alright? You right? BOY: Julian! What hurts? What hurts? Are you right? Shit.
HUNTER: Are you right, mate? We won't move you.
We won't move you 'cause it could be spinal.
BOY: You right, Julian? Shit.
Um (Muffled music) Fucking, we should definitely (Speaks indistinctly) .
.
when you leave school.
I'm fucking serious.
Nathan.
No more for you.
'Cause, seriously, the way that you (Speaks inaudibly) (Engine revs) Oh, fuck! (All cheer) Yeah! Fuck! Go, fucking Daniel! Yeah! Put Fuckos on the roof.
Where's Fuckos? Get Fuckos on! (Yells indistinctly) Fucking put him on! It'll be fucking hell funny.
Yes! Whoo! Yeah! Oh, fuck.
Oh, shit! It's my mum.
Shut up! Hi, Mum.
Yeah, nah, the Lovells are seeing shit.
No, don't believe them.
Nah, we're just chilling.
I don't know.
What are you doing? We're just Nothing! I am! Alright.
Bye.
Guys, the neighbours have fucking heard us.
We need to shut the fuck up.
(Engine revs) Shut the fuck up, Daniel! BOY: Daniel.
What? Nathan's done something.
Oh, fuck! It was his idea.
He wanted to see how far he could get it up.
What the fuck are you doing, you fucking idiot? How is that a fun thing to do? You fucking faggot.
BOY: Pull hard or something.
Ah, fuck! Pull it out, you fucking idiot.
Why do you keep sticking your arm and shit in in stuff? Fuck! Fucking dickhead.
You can't move that? I can't.
It's stuck.
We're gonna have to saw it off.
Is he gonna lose his arm? He's not gonna fucking lose his arm.
Daniel, should I call an ambulance? No.
Oh, shit! Gonna have to fucking call Mum and Steve.
Thanks a lot, you fuckwit! Um, Nath's got his arm stuck up one of the drainpipes.
Yeah.
But it's sort of going purple so we're not sure what to do.
I was being responsible! No, I don't wanna talk to Steve.
Just I don't know what to do.
I don't I can't fucking control him! You have publically humiliated him.
You've called him an idiot.
And you've riled up all the other boys and you know that's only going to cause trouble, don't you? Yes.
I've tried very hard with this young guy for quite a while now.
And I just thought, you know, that was an opportunity for him to get involved with the other fellas.
I just It was a slip of the tongue.
It was the wrong thing to say.
In retrospect, I look at it, it was the wrong thing to say.
And I do Yeah.
I see the error of my ways there, Julia.
Look, just go an apologise.
Alright.
Sort it out that way.
And, look, remember that you're a supervisor.
You're not his mother.
That's true.
Now, I need to apologise for what happened earlier.
I was a little out of line there.
I shouldn't have called you a fucking idiot and told you to grow some balls.
So sorry for that.
And, yeah, you just need to remember that you're the detainee and I'm the officer.
And do the right thing.
Play it by the rules.
And we'll leave it at that then.
Sorry Sorry for ruining your thing.
Well, that's alright.
It was a little silly anyway, the whole thing.
It's very nice to finally hear your voice.
Makes me very happy, actually.
I'm I actually feel like I'm meeting you for the first time.
So Anyway, I'll be back at bedtime.
And so see you soon then.
And, uh, if ever you feel like a chat at all, again, I'd be happy I'd be quite happy, actually to do that.
So you feel like a chat, just let me know.
Right.
BLAKE: Well, once again, I can say how sorry I am that you had Yep.
Oh, no.
Well, you know teenagers.
Yeah.
Oh, he's 12, is he? Yep.
I just reckon you're looking at me weirdly, like you're disappointed in me or something.
No, babe, I'm not disappointed.
I'm only disappointed 'cause it didn't work out.
Do you want me to get the artificial-balls operation? What? Do you want me to get the operation to get the balls? 'Cause I will if that's what you want.
I'll go and get the balls.
'Cause I don't want you to be disappointed.
What do your balls have to do with it? Well That's insane.
I'm just saying that you say stuff that makes me feel like I'm not good enough.
And I'm just thinking Come off it, babe.
.
.
I don't feel like a complete man.
If you want me to be the complete man, I'll get the artificial I think you're 150% pure man.
You know that.
I told you, Blake.
You don't need balls.
Who cares? Why did you say my ball sack looks like a giant dried apricot? I was only mucking around.
Yeah, joke No, I was only joking 'cause you started joking.
I was only joking 'cause you were joking.
Come on, I love you just the way you are.
You're beautiful.
Hey, hey, fellas.
How are we? Good news is I've heard from the hospital and Julian's gonna be OK.
He's gonna make a full recovery.
Couple of broken ribs.
So that's worked out well.
Alright, fellas, who's up for an early morning surf tomorrow? Who's our surfing champion of tomorrow? (Boys mumble unenthusiastically) I think the Fat Boy Surf School was successful to a point.
Well, because I don't wanna surf.
You wanna surf.
Do you wanna surf? No.
Well, I want you to.
But I don't know if I would do it again.
I think it might be a one-off course.
I think, apart from Julian, the other blokes had a good time.
But, you know, not a good not a good finish.
Alright, fellas, so we're gonna do lights out in around ten minutes.
I've just come down for lights out.
Toilets are gonna be just outside.
You know where the toilets are.
So that should be good.
(Crash!) Oh, shit! Shit, shit, shit.
You right, mate? You right? (Groans) That shouldn't have happened.
That should not have happened.
You OK, mate? We'll get you up there.
These beds should not Get you up there.
You've been obviously fiddling around with the brackets there.
What were you were thinking, mate? (Speaks inaudibly) Mum and Steve are really pissed 'cause they had to come home from their holiday.
And they were pissed off at me about the party.
Once again, Nathan fucks things up for me.
There we go.
There you go.
Steve sawed off the pipe.
We're gonna go to the hospital in the morning to get them to take it off fully.
Can we all stay in here for a minute, guys? Julia, can you just come back? Mate, come on.
Then things got even worse.
Mum and Steve made this big gay announcement.
Your mum's got a bit of an announcement to make.
Well, we just wanted you guys to be the first to know that we got engaged and we're going to get married.
(Laughs) JULIA: Yes! Oh, congratulations, Mum! Good work, Steve.
And they didn't even ask my opinion about it.
When? Pretty soon, mate.
I mean, no point stuffing around.
And we just wondered if you and Nath wanted to be best men at the wedding? Is that something you think you'd like to do, buys? Oh, yes! That's cool as, Nath.
So you're kicking Nathan out, sending him to deaf school.
Then you move in and you take over.
Is that your big plan, is it? It's not like that, mate.
Daniel! Yeah, they can do whatever they want.
I don't give a stuff what they do.
I'm 18.
I'm gonna be 18 this year.
So I don't rule my mum's life.
She wants to marry him, marry him.
I Just do whatever you wanna do.
Don't know why you'd be marrying a dickhead like Steve though.
Like, my dad, if he met Steve, he'd just beat the shit out of him.
'Cause my dad's a legend.
Steve's a gaylord.
S.
MOUSE: I gotta do my community service.
What's up, motherfuckers? £ Hot children Lookin' at children £ Everyone's starting to forget you.
If we went to the mall, right now, I would get mobbed.
Do you guys know him? Are you from High School Musical? What's my name? ALL: S.
mouse.
He got upgraded to an electric shock bracelet.
Paparazzi, bro.
(Zap!) DANIEL: Mum's been on my back lately about swearing.
Say, 'Come here, Fuckos.
' Come here, Fuckos! She said if I keep saying 'fags' Piss off, you fag.
Wiis are for fags.
.
.
that she's gonna make me spend a whole day with Henry Keddys.
He's this actual homo from my school.
Hey, Daniel.
What's up? Your brother's so nice.
He's pretty cute too.
Henry's turned out to be a pretty good bloke.
You got me, man! Get up! I took Tim to the doctor.
He got depression.
Everyone has to be nice to Tim.
He's got depression.
TIM: I wanna hang out with my friends.
Too late.
I deadlocked the door.
I've come up with a few plans to relieve the pressure.
Go tug yourself off or something.
We are going to get you a dog.
I don't want a dog.
Tim, pat it.
I'm going to do the voice of Tim for the cartoon.
I'm gay! £ Whack! Whack! £ Good arse on that.
Yeah, man.
Good arse.
I'm Tim.
And I'm gay! It's Gay Style!
If you move your head at any time, you're a faggot.
No, keep your fucking head straight.
Ready? Steve's being such a dickhead lately.
Like, he gets pissed off at me no matter what I do.
Daniel, don't spit on your brother.
I'm not spitting on him.
It's spit strings.
I'm not actually touching him.
It's just a game.
And sometimes, like, my brothers are in pain.
It doesn't mean that they're not enjoying themselves.
Oh! See, that's what happens.
You moved your head, man.
(Laughs) Steve doesn't even know how to have fun.
Like, Nath did stink cups on him - didn't even laugh.
Oi, Steve, does this smell weird? Go (Boys laugh) Oh! Fucking funny.
You disgusting little pigs.
Yeah, he just doesn't get that it's just family stuff.
It's just part of being in the Sims Family.
Give me the remote.
No, I'm using it.
Just give it to me.
You want it? Yeah, give it to me.
Just get it get it yourself.
Just reach in and get it.
This is where I like to keep it sometimes.
If you want it, just reach in and get it.
Give me back the remote control.
You really want it? Do you want the remote? Don't be childish.
Give it back.
Did you want the remote? Reach in and get it.
Daniel That's all you have to do, Stevie.
It's all you have to do.
Just hand me the remote control.
Just one little Oh, Steve just tried to molest me.
See that, Mum? I'm just trying to, like, make him be get the ways of our family.
He needs to just get a sense of humour.
Daniel, stop it! You just never give up, do you? He tried to touch my arse, Mum.
You never give up! He tried to touch my arse.
God, he'll think our family is weird, the way you carry on.
It's just weird.
All I'm saying, Mum, is that's weird.
You crossed the line, Steve.
I'm not gonna go on with this, Daniel.
Just £ Theme music (Pretend you're asleep.
Pretend you're asleep.
) I know you're faking it.
Karina's been on my case heaps lately 'cause she reckons I'm not doing anything.
Like, she reckons I'm hanging around the house heaps.
Karina's fat.
What?! I'm sleep talking.
She's been giving me heaps of grief lately about spending too much time with Hunter, 'cause she reckons we don't do anything productive.
Am I a chick? No.
Which is bullshit 'cause she doesn't see half the shit we do.
The thing is with a tat, you can't get something too that will date.
And she hates me hanging out with the Mucca Mad Boys.
Is he at the kiosk? What she doesn't get is my gang responsibilities? No, stand your ground, mate.
We'll see you at the beach.
She thinks it's easy being me.
And it's actually not.
Where were ya? Where were ya? How many you got to go? Um Me and Hunter have actually been really busy coming up with a money-spinner idea.
Do that again.
It's a fitness and nutrition surfing course.
It's called Fat Boys, for young fat dudes that wanna get into surfing, wanna get up on a wave.
I'm actually I'm stoked that we got seven bookings.
Who are they? Just random fat dudes.
They stay here - we've got dorm accommodation down the clubhouse.
We're gonna bring in food and stuff, teach them about a healthy lifestyle.
We've actually got our first course coming up this weekend.
So, yeah, looking forward to meeting the young dudes.
G'day, mate.
How you going? Blake.
How you going, little fella? What's your name? Welcome to Fat Boys School.
I just reckon, from my perspective, if I can get a fat dude up there on a surfboard catching a wave - and a dude that probably thought he'd never be able to do that - then I'm stoked.
Say goodbye to Mum and Dad.
See you.
See you, Mum and Dad.
Yeah.
Bye, Mum.
See you, darling.
Have fun.
I will.
OK, now, you be responsible, Daniel.
Yeah.
Fuck off, Daniel! Daniel, don't! Oh, what?! I said fuck off! See you, Nath! Have a good weekend! STEVE: See you.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye.
(Car horn toots) It's a long weekend, so Mum and Steve are going away.
They're going to stay in a hotel.
Whenever they go away, they leave me in charge of the whole household.
So I become like the dad of the family for the weekend.
Go make beds, both of you.
Piss off! Make your beds.
Go and make your bed.
Do mine and Nath's.
Go do Mum and Dad's after that, Julia.
I'll give you five minutes.
It's good.
Like, I sort of look after the household.
Like, cleaning and preparing meals and shit.
Alright, guys, who wants melted chocolate? Just whatever needs doing, I do it.
Like, I assign chores to various brothers.
Not bad.
I'll get you to do round the front too.
Now.
Get off my chair.
Yeah, I actually quite like being in charge.
Fuck off! I was watching that.
I'm the dad.
Fuck you! Just do it, Nathan.
I don't make the rules, I just enforce them.
It's 10:00 and it's bedtime.
Go to fucking bed.
It's not an easy role.
Like, there's a fair bit of responsibility on your shoulders.
New rule, guys - no dogs in rooms while you're sleeping.
Stick that under your tongue.
Things like kids' health issues - you gotta be careful about that.
Like, anything could happen with kids.
Show me.
Yeah, you're right.
Lights out.
Yeah, there's a fair few privileges that come with being the dad too.
Like, I get to sleep in the double bed.
Get out! It's parents only.
And I pretty much decide how the weekend will run.
You tell Johnno to bring a case.
So, like, for example, tomorrow night, I'm having a huge party.
So I've pretty much invited everyone in Dunt to come.
We should do an all-nighter.
Just stay up all night.
That's just one of the good things about being a parent.
You pretty much get to do whatever you want.
If you fart, you're out.
GRAN: Well, it's been a busy couple of months.
I still have not heard from the celebrities that Daniel's asked me to invite to his party for Nathan, which is unusual.
I do feel quietly confident that they'll make an appearance.
Work's been pretty full-on.
Off, please.
You're off privileges for a week.
Give it to Jonathan.
My problem boy, Talib, he's still not talking, despite my efforts.
One word and I'll give you this ten bucks.
We haven't heard yet, but he may end up in for a long stint, so we do need to get him up on his feet and socialising.
(Laughs) Hey, it's Gran and the doggy wanker.
He's outside for once.
The other boys haven't been terribly friendly to him and welcoming.
Leave him alone! They've actually been making his life hell.
You lot shut the fuck up! Well, he's not an easy kid.
I think if he made an effort to interact with the other boys, I think he'd be doing himself a lot of favours.
He doesn't like balls, he likes dicks.
It's a pretty rough place in here.
I think you can't afford to be a pussy and keep to yourself.
You've got to grow some balls, to some extent.
(Yelling) Jesus Christ! Don't you fucking spit on me! You want the fucking afternoon in iso? Hi, fellas.
Welcome to pig duty.
I've tried getting him involved with some of the leader boys.
I forced them to hang out with him a little bit more.
You could do it with Marlin.
You guys could have a chat while you're doing that.
How about no, Gran? How about you try for me, please, Marlin? That was a disaster, actually.
Of course, I forgot that he's sexually attracted to animals.
So that didn't go down too well.
I might take that off you.
I tried getting him involved in song night.
That didn't go down too well either.
He didn't want a bar of it, literally.
£ They try to make me go to rehab £ I said £ But I feel like I will get through to him, that underneath that facade, there's a lovely boy.
I think it's just a matter of time.
And rashies Fellas, once your T-shirts and thongs are off, come get your rashies.
Well, it's a pretty intensive surfing course.
There's a lot involved.
For a lot of these young blokes, fat really rules their life, you know, destroys their confidence.
A lot of these guys deal with fat on a daily basis, you know? They look down, they see fat.
How's that feeling? I can't really breathe.
You can't breathe? My idea is to use surfing to get their confidence up to a level that is better.
OK, welcome to Fat Boys School.
You're all here, guys, because you are BOYS: Fat.
.
.
fat.
That's right.
A lot of these guys, they're not used to physical shit.
I can't just chuck them in the water.
I'm gonna deal with the fat issue first.
I'll get you to look behind you at Hunter there.
This is an example of what it looks like to be a fat guy.
He looks pretty fat, doesn't he? BOYS: Yes.
Yeah.
Now, guys, when you're walking down the street, you see a fat kid like you, what sort of names would people say? Any ideas? Oh, 'You're a fat shit.
' 'You're a rolly-polly.
' Alright, I want you to yell out some insults to our fat guy here.
The kind of thing that you might get, yell it to him.
BOY: You've got more rolls than a bakery.
Yeah.
Give it to him.
You're the size of King Kong's arse.
I think it's good for these blokes to be on the other side of insults, to know what it feels like.
Why don't you shut up and eat heaps of burgers, and don't ever come back, and eat your wife? This is great.
Great, guys.
It builds their strength, you know? And these blokes, when they're out in the water, they're facing massive waves, they'll need all the strength they can get.
Guys, any of you got girlfriends? Hand up if you've got a girlfriend.
None of youse? Didn't think so.
BOY: No.
Right, you ever tried to make a move on a girl and she says, you know, 'Piss off, you fat shit,' or something? Yeah.
Hurts your feelings? BOYS: Yeah.
Yep? Right, we're gonna play a game today.
We're gonna reverse that feeling.
We're gonna show those girls, those girls that call you fat shits, that you may be fat, but you've still got feelings.
Alright, fellas, when you see a hot girl, remember, let her have it.
Oh, my goodness, don't let her get in the water.
There'll be a tsunami! Go get that girl up there.
ALL: (Sing) £ Hey, fatty boombah Want another cream cake? £ Awesome.
How you going, Lara? If you call me fat again, I'll call you all the names I can think up.
NATHAN: Oi, Daniel! Daniel, you fag! Oh, the party is going off already.
Hey, Tommy! Half of Dunt's coming.
It's going to be pretty huge.
Yeah, we could never have done this with Mum and Steve here though.
No fucking way.
Hey! (Yells indistinctly) Hey! Hey, you got two glow sticks.
Heaps of people here.
Word's got around.
Basically, ever kid in Dunt is here tonight.
And we're expecting a few others from other towns and shit to come in.
It's open invitation, so just whoever rocks up, rocks up.
As long as you got booze and that with ya, come over.
Briony, take some photos for us.
Yeah! GIRL: Hey, Daniel, it's your mum calling.
What? Yeah, na, it's going well.
Yeah, I got the kids doing their homework and shit.
Yeah.
Nah.
Na, Tyson's playing a movie or something.
It's just like a party movie or something.
Yeah.
Right, seeya.
Oi, where the fuck is Nathan? Why is he being a fucking knob? Go tell him to come out.
Well, the fucking party's going.
He should be here.
Oh, Nath's always like a full fag whenever I have parties.
Like, last time I had this party, right, Nath put dog shit in the microwave.
And it fucking stank.
Oi, Julia, one more beer and that's it, OK? Fuck off! One more beer, bitch.
What?! Nathan's stuck.
He's in trouble.
What does he want? Oh, my God.
You fucking idiot! He did it himself.
I saw him.
Stupid, dumb He pulled the zip up with his teeth.
Fuck! Are you stuck in this? Why are you fucking You broke the fucking zip.
BOY: Is he stuck in there? Yeah, he's fucking stuck.
I'm not cutting that to get you out of there, you dickhead.
He likes the way the balls feel.
Fucking hell, man.
Are you naked inside that? You stupid little faggot.
(Laughs) It's not fucking funny.
How are we gonna clean this up? I'm not fucking cleaning it up.
You're a dickhead.
Fucking hell, man.
You're a retard.
Well, every couple of months, we do our Scaring Young Boys program.
I get a young guy in, a boy who's been getting in trouble at school.
Maybe Mum's at their wit's end.
They're on a pathway towards criminal activity.
Extra ball and chains for those guys that don't have them.
Who needs a ball and chain? What I like to do is to ham things up a little bit.
It's a little role-play that we do.
We make the prison look a lot scarier and worse than it really is.
Once your ball and chains are on, the get familiar with them, have a walk around, guys.
I have no trouble getting my guys involved.
They get a week of privileges if they do so.
Imran, your hat.
A lot of my guys, they're big show-offs.
So they love the opportunity to perform.
Be careful, don't strike each other with your balls, please.
Guys, doesn't Talib look good? I'm gonna use this as an opportunity to get Talib involved with the other boys.
Very handsome in that outfit.
He looks great.
Hello, young man.
WOMAN: Gran and her little dress-up thing - I know that it does look a bit weird on the surface.
And at first, I was worried that it could have a detrimental effect on the boys.
The kids here call me Psycho Sims.
So I hear you've been a naughty boy.
But there's no doubt that it is a tradition.
And it does seem to be an effective program.
These are our cells, where you're going to be spending most of your time.
We lock down for a lot of the day in there.
BOY, IN CELL: Arggh! Oh! I'll just get you to keep on walking through.
And there's a lot of BOY: Psycho Sims.
Oh, yes? Yes? I'm starving.
Can I have my bread, please? Starving.
We'll get the bread and water.
That's what you get once a day.
That's your food.
I'll leave your bread there for you, actually.
No, it's not lunchtime so we'll leave it there.
There till lunchtime.
That's Come on, Angus.
I'll show you to the torture rooms downstairs.
This is our yard out here.
LEGS: Scum! Get a move on! As you can see, we uh we work the boys like this most of the morning.
And then we go out and do some hard labour, that sort of thing, a railway working afternoon.
It's pretty rough.
BOY: Psycho Sims, can we stop? Please? My ankles are killing me.
Shut up, prisoner, or you'll get some torture this afternoon.
You wanna spend the afternoon in the dungeon? I haven't stretched a prisoner in a while.
Why is he allowed to do that? Well bloody done, Talib.
Thanks a lot.
Nice one, doggy wanker.
Fuck it up, why don't ya? Thanks for ruining it.
I'm so bloody sick of you.
You're useless! Do we still get KFC? You fucked it up, not us! Stop being a fucking idiot and grow some balls.
For Christ's sake.
JULIE: Officer Sims.
Can I have a word, please? Just don't take the equipment without asking.
BLAKE: Oh, surfing lessons are going unreal, yeah.
I'm pretty stoked with the progress so far.
Who's ready to go in the water? We got a few blokes up.
Not everyone's getting up.
But, you know, they're all having a good time.
Yeah, we had a few of the Fennel Hell men looking over from the headland.
They don't know what I'm doing.
I was saying to Hunter, good to keep them guessing.
I am losing a few boards.
Dealing with kids this size, I mean, they're pretty fucking fat.
They're gonna break a few boards.
So, yeah, I have lost a few.
We get a couple of boys, what I call sinkers, which means they sink to the bottom.
We got a sinker! You right, mate? Yeah, yep.
You alright? You know, Hunter and I have that code - we call out 'sinker!' You know, it means there's just a boy on the bottom.
You have to pull them out.
You don't want them sitting there too long, drowning, that sort of thing.
You're good mate.
You're good.
You alright? I think it's three minutes and they get some brain damage.
Here comes a wave! It's really surprising.
He's looking after them and keeping an eye on everyone.
And I say Go, go, go, go! Standing up, Julian! (Both cheer) He stood up! First Fat Boy surfer! He stood up! He stood up! He stood up! Who saw that? How do you feel, mate? First Fat Boy surfer! Yeah, good, hey? Yeah! (Blake and Hunter shout indistinctly) Stacks on Julian! Stacks on him! Stacks on Julian! Stacks on him! Stacks on, Julian! I can't breathe! Get off! (All shout) What are you doing?! Get off him.
You right, Julian? Are you alright? You right? BOY: Julian! What hurts? What hurts? Are you right? Shit.
HUNTER: Are you right, mate? We won't move you.
We won't move you 'cause it could be spinal.
BOY: You right, Julian? Shit.
Um (Muffled music) Fucking, we should definitely (Speaks indistinctly) .
.
when you leave school.
I'm fucking serious.
Nathan.
No more for you.
'Cause, seriously, the way that you (Speaks inaudibly) (Engine revs) Oh, fuck! (All cheer) Yeah! Fuck! Go, fucking Daniel! Yeah! Put Fuckos on the roof.
Where's Fuckos? Get Fuckos on! (Yells indistinctly) Fucking put him on! It'll be fucking hell funny.
Yes! Whoo! Yeah! Oh, fuck.
Oh, shit! It's my mum.
Shut up! Hi, Mum.
Yeah, nah, the Lovells are seeing shit.
No, don't believe them.
Nah, we're just chilling.
I don't know.
What are you doing? We're just Nothing! I am! Alright.
Bye.
Guys, the neighbours have fucking heard us.
We need to shut the fuck up.
(Engine revs) Shut the fuck up, Daniel! BOY: Daniel.
What? Nathan's done something.
Oh, fuck! It was his idea.
He wanted to see how far he could get it up.
What the fuck are you doing, you fucking idiot? How is that a fun thing to do? You fucking faggot.
BOY: Pull hard or something.
Ah, fuck! Pull it out, you fucking idiot.
Why do you keep sticking your arm and shit in in stuff? Fuck! Fucking dickhead.
You can't move that? I can't.
It's stuck.
We're gonna have to saw it off.
Is he gonna lose his arm? He's not gonna fucking lose his arm.
Daniel, should I call an ambulance? No.
Oh, shit! Gonna have to fucking call Mum and Steve.
Thanks a lot, you fuckwit! Um, Nath's got his arm stuck up one of the drainpipes.
Yeah.
But it's sort of going purple so we're not sure what to do.
I was being responsible! No, I don't wanna talk to Steve.
Just I don't know what to do.
I don't I can't fucking control him! You have publically humiliated him.
You've called him an idiot.
And you've riled up all the other boys and you know that's only going to cause trouble, don't you? Yes.
I've tried very hard with this young guy for quite a while now.
And I just thought, you know, that was an opportunity for him to get involved with the other fellas.
I just It was a slip of the tongue.
It was the wrong thing to say.
In retrospect, I look at it, it was the wrong thing to say.
And I do Yeah.
I see the error of my ways there, Julia.
Look, just go an apologise.
Alright.
Sort it out that way.
And, look, remember that you're a supervisor.
You're not his mother.
That's true.
Now, I need to apologise for what happened earlier.
I was a little out of line there.
I shouldn't have called you a fucking idiot and told you to grow some balls.
So sorry for that.
And, yeah, you just need to remember that you're the detainee and I'm the officer.
And do the right thing.
Play it by the rules.
And we'll leave it at that then.
Sorry Sorry for ruining your thing.
Well, that's alright.
It was a little silly anyway, the whole thing.
It's very nice to finally hear your voice.
Makes me very happy, actually.
I'm I actually feel like I'm meeting you for the first time.
So Anyway, I'll be back at bedtime.
And so see you soon then.
And, uh, if ever you feel like a chat at all, again, I'd be happy I'd be quite happy, actually to do that.
So you feel like a chat, just let me know.
Right.
BLAKE: Well, once again, I can say how sorry I am that you had Yep.
Oh, no.
Well, you know teenagers.
Yeah.
Oh, he's 12, is he? Yep.
I just reckon you're looking at me weirdly, like you're disappointed in me or something.
No, babe, I'm not disappointed.
I'm only disappointed 'cause it didn't work out.
Do you want me to get the artificial-balls operation? What? Do you want me to get the operation to get the balls? 'Cause I will if that's what you want.
I'll go and get the balls.
'Cause I don't want you to be disappointed.
What do your balls have to do with it? Well That's insane.
I'm just saying that you say stuff that makes me feel like I'm not good enough.
And I'm just thinking Come off it, babe.
.
.
I don't feel like a complete man.
If you want me to be the complete man, I'll get the artificial I think you're 150% pure man.
You know that.
I told you, Blake.
You don't need balls.
Who cares? Why did you say my ball sack looks like a giant dried apricot? I was only mucking around.
Yeah, joke No, I was only joking 'cause you started joking.
I was only joking 'cause you were joking.
Come on, I love you just the way you are.
You're beautiful.
Hey, hey, fellas.
How are we? Good news is I've heard from the hospital and Julian's gonna be OK.
He's gonna make a full recovery.
Couple of broken ribs.
So that's worked out well.
Alright, fellas, who's up for an early morning surf tomorrow? Who's our surfing champion of tomorrow? (Boys mumble unenthusiastically) I think the Fat Boy Surf School was successful to a point.
Well, because I don't wanna surf.
You wanna surf.
Do you wanna surf? No.
Well, I want you to.
But I don't know if I would do it again.
I think it might be a one-off course.
I think, apart from Julian, the other blokes had a good time.
But, you know, not a good not a good finish.
Alright, fellas, so we're gonna do lights out in around ten minutes.
I've just come down for lights out.
Toilets are gonna be just outside.
You know where the toilets are.
So that should be good.
(Crash!) Oh, shit! Shit, shit, shit.
You right, mate? You right? (Groans) That shouldn't have happened.
That should not have happened.
You OK, mate? We'll get you up there.
These beds should not Get you up there.
You've been obviously fiddling around with the brackets there.
What were you were thinking, mate? (Speaks inaudibly) Mum and Steve are really pissed 'cause they had to come home from their holiday.
And they were pissed off at me about the party.
Once again, Nathan fucks things up for me.
There we go.
There you go.
Steve sawed off the pipe.
We're gonna go to the hospital in the morning to get them to take it off fully.
Can we all stay in here for a minute, guys? Julia, can you just come back? Mate, come on.
Then things got even worse.
Mum and Steve made this big gay announcement.
Your mum's got a bit of an announcement to make.
Well, we just wanted you guys to be the first to know that we got engaged and we're going to get married.
(Laughs) JULIA: Yes! Oh, congratulations, Mum! Good work, Steve.
And they didn't even ask my opinion about it.
When? Pretty soon, mate.
I mean, no point stuffing around.
And we just wondered if you and Nath wanted to be best men at the wedding? Is that something you think you'd like to do, buys? Oh, yes! That's cool as, Nath.
So you're kicking Nathan out, sending him to deaf school.
Then you move in and you take over.
Is that your big plan, is it? It's not like that, mate.
Daniel! Yeah, they can do whatever they want.
I don't give a stuff what they do.
I'm 18.
I'm gonna be 18 this year.
So I don't rule my mum's life.
She wants to marry him, marry him.
I Just do whatever you wanna do.
Don't know why you'd be marrying a dickhead like Steve though.
Like, my dad, if he met Steve, he'd just beat the shit out of him.
'Cause my dad's a legend.
Steve's a gaylord.
S.
MOUSE: I gotta do my community service.
What's up, motherfuckers? £ Hot children Lookin' at children £ Everyone's starting to forget you.
If we went to the mall, right now, I would get mobbed.
Do you guys know him? Are you from High School Musical? What's my name? ALL: S.
mouse.
He got upgraded to an electric shock bracelet.
Paparazzi, bro.
(Zap!) DANIEL: Mum's been on my back lately about swearing.
Say, 'Come here, Fuckos.
' Come here, Fuckos! She said if I keep saying 'fags' Piss off, you fag.
Wiis are for fags.
.
.
that she's gonna make me spend a whole day with Henry Keddys.
He's this actual homo from my school.
Hey, Daniel.
What's up? Your brother's so nice.
He's pretty cute too.
Henry's turned out to be a pretty good bloke.
You got me, man! Get up! I took Tim to the doctor.
He got depression.
Everyone has to be nice to Tim.
He's got depression.
TIM: I wanna hang out with my friends.
Too late.
I deadlocked the door.
I've come up with a few plans to relieve the pressure.
Go tug yourself off or something.
We are going to get you a dog.
I don't want a dog.
Tim, pat it.
I'm going to do the voice of Tim for the cartoon.
I'm gay! £ Whack! Whack! £ Good arse on that.
Yeah, man.
Good arse.
I'm Tim.
And I'm gay! It's Gay Style!