Angry Boys (2011) s01e09 Episode Script

Episode 9

DANIEL: Fucking hell, man.
Give it more gas.
DANIEL, VOICEOVER: 'Cause Nath's deaf and he's a bit retarded, he can't get his driver's licence.
DANIEL: Just slow on the fucking clutch, you faggot.
DANIEL, VOICEOVER: And Mum doesn't want him to, 'cause she reckons he'll stack it.
So, what I've been doing is I've been teaching Nath to drive around the farm.
DANIEL: What did I fucking tell you? Slow out on the clutch.
I'll punch your leg if you do it again.
Yeah, you stalled it.
Good one! DANIEL: Like, if he gets good at it, I'm gonna give him what I call your 'farm P's', which will That's gonna allow him to drive around the farm without me, on his own.
He hasn't got 'em yet, but Yeah, it's just a licence that I've invented.
Up that way? You looking? DANIEL: He's actually going for his farm P's test today.
He's failed it three times already, so we'll see how he goes today.
Fingers crossed.
Do a doughy! DANIEL, VOICEOVER: There's a range of things that are covered.
You gotta do doughies.
Go! DANIEL, VOICEOVER: You gotta dodge obstacles.
No! Fuck you, Daniel! You're buying me another one! Do it again! It's fucking squashed! DANIEL, VOICEOVER: And then there's pedestrian awareness.
Nath, go! Brake, brake, brake! Mate, you're gonna hit her! Brake! (Girl screams) Fucking hell.
I fucking hate you, Daniel! Jeez, you're a shit driver.
For fuck's sake! You're not getting your farm P's for that, dickhead.
DANIEL, VOICEOVER: Oh, it's three weeks till Nath's farewell party, till he goes to deaf school.
I'm getting pretty pumped about all the special guests that are coming.
No, still nothing.
Gran hasn't officially heard back whether the legends are coming, but she's pretty confident they will, and I just got a feeling they will.
Like, I'm pretty sure they will come.
I reckon there's a big tree here, but that's why they've got, like, security and shit there, 'cause they don't want any deaf kids climbing over that.
DANIEL, VOICEOVER: I've been thinking heaps about Nath going to deaf school, and I've come up with an escape plan.
Like, he's gonna go, but if he hates it, then I need to escape him from there, so Nath, this is where I'm gonna meet you.
So, that's the meeting spot there, 'cause according to the deaf school brochure, that's got minimal security on that wing.
So, that'll be the best chance for me to break in there.
Isn't it just a school, but? Yeah, but deaf school, so they've got high security.
What it is is he's gonna text me the word 'fuckos', which means that he's hating it and he wants me to get him out of there, and then I start the escape plan, like, that's when I do it.
Like, if he just texted me, like, 'Get me the fuck out of here,' or something, then, like, it might get intercepted and they might, like, bump the security up or some shit like that.
Nath, what's your code word? 'Fuckos'.
'Fuckos'.
Yes.
Don't forget.
You should write that down, mate.
Oh, and, Nath, when you actually meet me there, bring minimal clothes, 'cause, like, we're gonna be hitchhiking back to Dunt, so you don't wanna have excess baggage and shit to carry.
Mmm.
JEN, VOICEOVER: The big day has finally arrived.
We are at the Ushi Cola ad campaign shoot.
More here, please.
He need that to stick out at the back there.
That's his iconic look.
Well, Tim, he's very nervous, but no wonder.
It's one of the biggest ad campaigns anyone has ever got.
Arggh! Shit! Shush, please! There's people trying to work, Tim.
When can I see the script? Not yet.
I need to go over it with the director.
A few little changes I want to make.
JEN, VOICEOVER: I like to have a lot of control over the script.
So, I've been working with the scriptwriter, make sure that what Tim's saying is what I want him to say.
Why is that guy practising my stunt? Uh don't worry.
Why is he practising my stunt? Safety reason.
You're not actually going to do the stunt.
What do you mean, I'm not going It's the magic of television, Tim.
I want to do my own stunts.
Are you kidding me? Well, you're not going to.
Why not? 'Cause you don't understand how this world works Well, explain it to me.
It's an illusion, OK? So, I'm not doing my own stunt If I let you do your own stunt, you hurt yourself I'm not gonna hurt myself.
Well, maybe you will.
I told him no stunts.
That's what I want you to look like at the end of the ad, OK? I'm not gonna look like that if I don't do my own stunts.
Well, you will because you're getting paid $6 million, OK? You will.
So, Tim, your stuntman, he's going to skate, skate up here.
Tim? Looking, please! Tim! Up, over.
You're going to crouch down here.
You're going to pop up onto the step, big jump.
You say your line to the camera, OK? Come here, Tim.
Come here.
I can do this.
Crouch here.
Show me how you do it, then.
I can do my own stunts.
Get down.
Crouch down.
When he lands, you jump up, leg over, and then I want you to end up up here.
Crouch down, where you say your line to the camera, OK? JEN, VOICEOVER: Tim, he can be a little shit sometime.
So, I have to play psychological game with him, and I find the best approach - what he don't know don't hurt him.
Oil, please.
OK.
Stand still.
What are you doing? We are oiling you up Stand still, please! Don't make a scene.
We oiling you up.
You have to look gay.
I'm wearing a T-shirt anyway.
No, you're going shirtless.
You never told me that.
It's in the contract, Tim - shirtless.
Now, stop complaining.
You're embarrassing me.
Why didn't you tell me? That's I don't want to be shirtless.
You are going to be shirtless.
I don't want to be shirtless.
Stop being stupid.
And stop embarrassing me in front of the whole crew, OK? (I don't want to be shirtless.
) Well, too bad, OK.
(This is so dumb.
) We don't always get what we want.
How are you, mate? Good? Yeah, not bad.
BLAKE: Oh, yeah, it's been a pretty upsy-downsy week since the shooting.
Packo's still in intensive care, so it's been pretty scary, and Ashley's back inside.
Um, but, yeah, I'm out on bail till the court case.
Just depends if Ashley wants to take me down.
Yeah, you know.
Alright.
If they say that I'm in on it, then they reckon I could get five years jail.
And if Packo dies, I could get 15 years.
Fuck me.
Oh, this'll be good.
This'll be good.
Like old times, mate BLAKE, VOICEOVER: Probably worst news is that Kareena and the kids have left.
Yeah, things got a bit rough since the arrest and that, and heaps of fights and stuff, so, they shot through, and I think she's at her sister's in Sydney.
She won't tell me where she is, but I think that's where she is.
So, it's been pretty Been pretty devo about that.
We've got corn.
BLAKE, VOICEOVER: And my best mate Hunter's moved in.
Tie me up? BLAKE, VOICEOVER: We're managing pretty well so far with all the domestic shit.
BLAKE: Not that fucking tight! HUNTER, VOICEOVER: You gotta look out for your mates, I reckon, when they're doing it tough.
Should we put water in that? Nah, just chuck it in like that.
HUNTER, VOICEOVER: You know, like, before Kareena came along, and the kids, you know, before they got together, it was just me and Blake anyway.
So, you know, if she doesn't come back, it won't be such a bad thing after all, you know? Well, yeah, it would.
It would for me 'cause I want her to come back.
Oh, yeah.
I don't want to I don't wanna live with you.
No, it would definitely be bad.
Like, I like you, mate, but as a preference, I'd have Kareena and the kids over you.
Yep.
But I appreciate what you're doing for me, you know what I mean? Yeah.
(Laughs) He's got the smallest dick in the world.
What are you fucksacks laughing about? Just naked photos of you when you were younger.
You look like a fag.
Yeah, we know.
Fucking old joke.
You get 'em out all the fucking time.
(Laughter) I'm sick of these shots being dragged out.
I'm taking 'em! I'm confiscating these photos.
Stop being a bitch.
Mum, why are there so many naked photos of me as a kid? Were you and Dad paedophiles or something? Oh, Daniel, you were just so cute back then.
Tell that to the judge.
I've confiscated the incriminating shots.
I'm keeping 'em! Daniel, don't you wreck my albums.
Mum.
Oh, look at you, handsome.
Come here.
You look gorgeous.
Is that his deaf school uniform? Yeah.
Cool, eh? What the fuck are you wearing? Oh, my God! Nice uniform, Sergeant Sims.
I thought it was deaf school, not homosexual school.
Fuck off! Daniel! I'm joking! Well, done! He's already feeling bad enough Well, he looks like a poof! .
.
as it is without you starting on him about deaf school He looks like a poof.
I can't help That's all he needs.
Well, look at his uniform.
Fuck! JEN: OK, Tim.
Tim! We run your lines.
Please come in, crouch down behind the stair, please.
You tell your man to do that.
(Speaks Japanese) Crouch down, please, Tim.
Here we go.
Ready.
Action! He go up, he go over the ramp.
Tim, you jump up! Up on the stair, and you say, 'Ushi Gay'.
Ushi Gay.
'For the gay inside all of us.
' No way! What the hell? (Man speaks Japanese) (Speaks Japanese) Move, Tim.
The product's coming.
Now, when you say your line, you hold this up to the front, OK? No! I'm not doing it.
Make sure the Ushi Gay is hold out to the front of the camera, OK? Why is it called Ushi Gay? You told me it was just called Ushi.
Because you're gay, Tim.
It's in the contract, OK? Why didn't you tell me? This is what I mean.
You never tell me anything! Tim, it's in the contract, OK? I'm not doing it! Why is it It's a limited edition can especially for you, OK? Told you to hold off on the gay thing.
Do what you're told, OK? I'm not doing it.
Come on, Tim.
Don't embarrass me.
OK, sorry about this.
We do one more time.
OK, when you're ready, Tim.
I'm not doing this.
Tim.
Tim.
(Door squeaks) Timothy.
Get back here! You are in so much trouble! All these people are here for you! You lied to me about the whole gay thing! I told you to back off on it! I'm tired of it! It's work, OK? That's all it is.
It's work, OK? You don't have to deny being gay, alright? I'm not gay! I know you I've never been gay, and I'm not going to be gay! OK This whole thing was your idea! Do you know I told you to lay off of it! Do you know how many kids would want their very own Ushi can, OK? You got your very own flavour! Now, don't make me smack you in front of everyone, 'cause I will.
You're insane! I will You're frickin' insane! You want to get smacked.
OK.
You're getting smacked tonight.
Stupid little shit.
(Knocking at door) BLAKE, VOICEOVER: Hunter's been trying to cheer me up, 'cause I've been a bit sad and a bit upset about Kareena not being here and that.
Hey! How you going, buddy?! HUNTER, VOICEOVER: Well, I thought some fun and games with the boys would be good for Blake.
You know, it'd take his mind off stuff.
Stop him waiting for the phone to ring, really.
MEN: Blakey! Blakey! Blakey! Blakey! You know, we just want to look after Blake, you know.
He's been really good to us, so if we can do anything to ease his pain, you know, like, we will.
(Laughter) HUNTER, VOICEOVER: I did mention to the guys that, when they come over, just don't mention Kareena and the kids and stuff, 'cause he's really sensitive about it.
(Mobile phone rings) Oh, shut up! Shut up, guys.
It's my phone.
Could be Kareena.
Oh! Hilarious.
(Laughter) BLAKE, VOICEOVER: The boys really know how to have fun, and it keeps your mind off things.
Farts on fire.
I'd be up for lighting farts.
BLAKE, VOICEOVER: You can express your feelings with your mates and you can sort of be yourself.
(Blows air) Good shot.
What is it? Ten! Ten! BLAKE, VOICEOVER: We all sort of have a go at each other and take the piss out of each other, and we're into the same shit and that.
So, you know, you can't really go wrong, hanging out with these blokes, and it's sort of, you know, it takes your mind off your worries.
Hey, there's this thing you can do when you start crying, it's called the blink method.
You just blink 50 times when you feel sad or you wanna cry.
Just start blinking.
By the time you're finished doing that, then you're not gonna cry.
You're an idiot.
You're an idiot.
OK, fart comp.
Who's in? It actually works.
DANIEL: Well, he knows his way around, though, so Like, he would know where he was.
MOTHER: Any luck? Nah, nah.
Did the whole of Edgars Road, right up to Cherry Swamp.
No sign of him up there.
Well, Nathan's gone missing.
Um, he got really pissed off about me bagging him about his school uniform.
So, he's just shot through.
Daniel, have you got any ideas? Nah.
There's no clues in his note either.
'I don't wanna go to fucking deaf school.
Daniel hurt my feelings.
I'm running away forever, so fuck off.
Nathan.
' DANIEL: Nath doesn't normally do shit like this, so, yeah, we're all getting a bit worried 'cause he's been gone for a while now.
So, what do you reckon? You reckon he's been here? BOY: I don't know.
You're the one who said he'd be down at the dam, probably.
What do you mean? You said you could fucking read tracks and shit! Yeah What are the tracks telling you? DANIEL, VOICEOVER: My best mate Black Daniel, he's an Aborigine and they're really good at tracking.
Wearing his Nikes, right? Yeah, I suppose.
Well, he's heading off in this direction.
What - you can read that shit? Yep.
Skill, mate.
Nathan! Nathan! Do you reckon that's Nathan? Yep, that's Nathan for sure, man.
So, that's a good clue 'cause that means we know he's gone this way.
Yeah, for sure.
Man, what's that? What is it? Oh, nothing.
What did you think it was? Oh, just thought it was some marsupial tracks or something, man.
Oh.
Nathan! Oh, fuck.
What? No way! What? Those are his shoes, right? Yeah.
Well, they're going in, man, but they ain't coming out.
Oh, fuck! Do you reckon he might be out there? Yeah, man.
Looks like we're gonna have to dredge it.
Oh, fuck! That's definitely his shoes.
Yep, that's him for sure.
Shit, man! Fuck, if he's out there Oh, fuck! Mmm, that look good.
Tim, I need you to come over here, please.
We need to go through these stills from the photo shoot.
JEN, VOICEOVER: Well, Tim finally agreed to do the commercial.
I just told the director that he had diarrhoea, and that's why he had to run away.
I like this one.
Um, this one good 'cause your back face the camera.
JEN: Tim is a little funny with me sometime, like he doesn't trust me, but I think deep down, Tim know that I know what's best for him.
Cho, could I get you to take all of those to the incinerator, please? Tim, paying attention, please.
You have to help me do this shit.
What is this? That is just crap.
This letter is addressed to me.
Why didn't you give this to me? This is all addressed to me.
Why haven't I been getting these? Why would I give those to you, Tim? It's just idiotic fanmail from stupid fans.
Fans are taking the time to write to me, and thanks to you, I'm ignoring them! Tim, you are very famous.
Uh, I've been getting a lot of this mail for years, and I've been incinerating it as long as I can remember.
They're my fans! Tim, you read that shit They're all psychos.
'Tim, come to my party.
Tim, ah, you're hot.
Tim, marry me.
' You don't need the ego boost.
You're up yourself enough as it is.
You're not going to help me.
You're going now, are you? I have to do it on my own? For fuck's sake.
Why don't you go beat yourself off, Tim? You love yourself enough.
Cho, take that downstairs.
You know I have over 500,000 fans on my website? Yes.
You wanna know what I told them all this morning? What? That I have a girlfriend and I'm not gay.
You are gay, Tim.
Her name is Amaya, and we've been going out for a couple of months.
Who the fuck is that? This is my girlfriend, and I'm not gay.
Get that offline! There's been thousands of views already.
I'm not taking it off.
Shut your fucking mouth.
Everyone's been congratulating me, Mom.
Get that shit offline, Tim.
You are gay! I'm not gay.
You are! And you know it! You want to ruin your whole career? Get that shit offline! You are in big trouble if this true, Tim.
HUNTER: Don't worry, mate.
She'll come back.
She's just really, really pissed off, that's all.
Yeah, but what can I do to make sure I actually get her back? Like, what can I do to guarantee I get her back? This is what I'm thinking.
I'm thinking a couple of things.
One, go back to surfing.
Do the Billabong Legends of Surfing tour.
Like, I'm shit scared, but I know she's into it.
Mm-hmm.
She'd love it if I did that.
Two, get the artificial balls, have the operation.
She don't care about that, mate.
Chicks aren't even into balls.
Yeah, yeah, she says she doesn't care, but who's gonna want a husband without balls, seriously? Who would? (Television murmurs) She's bullshitting if she says she's not into it.
You could get rid of us boys, you know, the Mucca Boys.
She doesn't like us.
As if I'm getting rid of you! No fucking way.
It's a lifelong membership to you guys.
I'm with you, mate.
It's Mucca Boys forever.
What else could you do? Could dress better, I suppose.
You dress alright.
Nah, Kareena reckons I dress like a teenager.
Could go a bit more metrosexual.
Bit more like Jesse's style.
Just get a few more, like, V-neck tees and that, and sort of You know, like those velcro loafers he's got.
Just get all that shit.
Yeah, might suit you.
Become a bit more fashion conscious, a bit more fashion forward.
I can see you in that shit.
Just wanna get more, like, romantic and that too.
Like, do romantic shit around the house again.
R&B and that.
Music, you know, like the shit that she's into.
Mmm.
Maybe get some flowers and shit around the house, you know? Like, get potpourri, just make it smell nice.
Air fresheners, all that shit.
Oh, yeah, whatever works for you, mate, really.
Whatever it takes to get her back, I'd do it.
A new set of balls.
That'd be good, eh? Mmm.
Nathan, what are you doing in here, you duffer? Come on, hop out.
MOTHER, VOICEOVER: Well, the good news is we found Nathan.
I heard his voice coming from the cupboard, and he'd been praying.
He does pray every now and again, but he'd been praying that he didn't have to go to deaf school.
Daniel and Black Daniel have been looking for you everywhere.
They've been really worried.
MOTHER, VOICEOVER: He really doesn't want to go, and I think he's just going along with it for our sake.
You're going to rumple your uniform, getting up in there.
BOY: Yeah, sergeant.
Fuck off.
Shut up.
DANIEL: Yeah, if it wasn't for me, we wouldn't be here, but.
BLACK DANIEL: You gotta stop blaming yourself, man.
Yeah, it is my fault, but.
I was teasing him, and he hates getting teased.
It's not your fault, man.
Nathan's a really weird kid, bro.
You couldn't help that shit.
Oh, fuck! Fucking hell! What? Oh, fuck! I thought it was his head.
Oh, shit! Keep looking.
Alright.
Stupid slut! Look at this bitch! She's not even good-looking.
Dumb slut.
Keep your hands off my son! JEN, VOICEOVER: Well, the phone has been ringing off the hook.
Everyone wants to know if Tim is not really gay.
Uh, I told them all that it's a bloody good joke, that Tim put it online as a joke.
Not many people believe that.
Uh, this thing is getting too big for me to handle.
I'm going to call Tim again.
JEN, VOICEOVER: Tim has escaped.
He's turned his phone off the hook, and I think he's probably with that slut right now.
Message.
JEN, VOICEOVER: Probably got his dick in her as we speak.
Hi, Tim.
It's your mum.
Hope you're having fun with your slut.
Why don't you stop thinking with your dick for once and start thinking about the people in your family that you're hurting, like your mother?! Call me back, dickhead! Fuck! I don't know how he could do this to his own mother.
He really fucked me up big-time.
(Mobile phone rings) Ushi Cola.
Jenny Okazaki.
Ah, yes.
Ah, yes, I know.
(Laughs mirthlessly) Ah, yes.
No, I heard it was a bloody good joke.
JEN, VOICEOVER: I'm going to write a press release to say that Tim is not really straight, and Bruce and I suggest that I do a YouTube plea to the fans to explain the situation.
Ushi Cola are shitting themselves.
They're going to cancel the fucking campaign if this shit gets any bigger.
We got a lot of hate coming in.
A lot of people are very mad that Tim has lied to them.
I'm so pissed off at that little shit for ruining everything! Stupid fucking JEN, VOICEOVER: I need to get on top of this thing.
If this thing gets out, it could ruin everything.
Don't do that! It's just business! Don't hurt yourself! Come on! Jen, please! (Chatter) Mucca! Mucca! Mucca! MEN: Oi! Oi! Oi! HUNTER, VOICEOVER: Well, we heard from the hospital Packo's gonna be OK.
He's off the critical list, so that's really good.
Like, that'll lessen Blake's sentence if he does end up going in.
Yeah, we just heard.
Yeah, they reckon he might He'll recover, but they still might think I tried to kill him with Ashley.
He's on the phone to Kareena at the moment, and Um, he's pretty confident she'll come back.
I'm not so confident.
She's really pissed off.
Nah, listen, listen, babe.
I think I might go back to surfing.
Yeah, yeah, and I think I might get the artificial balls operation for you.
Nah, babe Babe, listen, I'm just Kareena, please, I'm just HUNTER: You know, I mean, he's gonna have his own kid.
She's got Well, it's not even his kid, you know, it's The sperm's not even, um, even Blake's, so there's no connection there.
I've said I'm sorry about ten times, babe.
I can't help what happened.
I don't know it'd be such a great loss if she I mean, it'd be a great loss if she left, but, um Just have to see how it goes, I guess.
Can I get you something - beer, chips? Nah, I'm right, mate, thanks.
Cheers.
Cool.
No worries, huh? Yeah.
No luck, Mum.
Couldn't find him.
Yeah.
Oh, he's in his room, guys.
Didn't you get my text? What - he's here?! Yeah.
Fuck! Nathan! Fuck, man! Careful with those muddy clothes! I can't believe you're alive, dude! Oh, my God! Fuck, mate, it's so good to see you! So good.
Where were you, man? We saw your tracks down at the dam.
Yeah, we thought we'd lost you, man.
Fuck, Nath, I'm so glad you're here.
I'm sorry for what I said BOY: Daniel? Oh, your uniform looks cool, man.
Daniel! So sorry! Before you get too gay about it all, you might wanna check out Nath's MySpace.
Why? He uploaded this album.
It's called Naked Photos Of My Brother.
(Laughter) Fucking little shit! Look at that, man! Delete it! Take it off! Fucking delete it.
Get if off there! You fucking little shit! Look how small his cock is.
(Laughter) You fucking little faggot! Delete it! Take it off there! Fucking delete it right now! Delete that fucking shit! Dude, the whole school's seen it already.
Oh, fucking arsehole! Small cock.
That is small.
S.
MOUSE, VOICEOVER: I'm getting my shit on for my album launch.
Yeah, the resurrection is here! When you're talking image, you're talking clothes.
Tight at the bottom and loose at the top.
Just rock it with the one.
WOMAN: Bam.
You give me directions.
That's the album cover.
Yeah, I wanna kill you, nigga.
That helicopter was the paparazzi.
MAN: Slap my fat gut.
Anyone who believes that shit is a mother assfucker.
WOMAN: It's been a pretty sad day today.
GRAN: Oh, no! Kerri-Anne, she was the one.
GRAN: The boys think Talib's involved.
You fucked Kerri-Anne before you killed her.
Leave him alone! GRAN: Well, Talib's got himself two days of isolation.
Did you want anything from the wine cellar? I'll just go get it.
DANIEL: Today's Mum and Steve's wedding.
Is that straight? DANIEL: We had to wear suits.
Mum! The suit's too small! It's dividing my balls! WOMAN: I ask our best man Nathan to pass us the ring.
DANIEL: Welcome to the family, Steve and Farkos.
Me and my mates did the wedding entertainment.
Mum and Steve, Mum and Steve.
This is Jayden.
Bit of parkour there, mate, yeah.
Talib! DANIEL: Thanks for getting me in trouble, dickhead! Like, it's gonna be so big - bigger than when Jesus got born.
Closed Captions by CSI