Aqua Teen Hunger Force (2000) s03e03 Episode Script


Observe our peninsula of masculinity.
You love it.
What are they doing over there? Hey, look, we're getting a transmission from their ship.
- Observe the digital dong.
- Check it out! That's right, I'm male.
Your dongs are small and useless! You know, we should probably get going.
I mean, this is how fights start.
This is not a fight.
This is a war! Suck on that! What was that? My name is Shake-zula The mike ruler, the old schooler You want to trip? I'll bring it to ya Frylock, and I'm on top, rock you like a cop Meatwad, you're up next, with your knock-knock Meatwad make the money, see? Meatwad get the honeys, G Drivin' in my car, livin' like a star Ice on my fingers and my toes And I'm a Taurus Uh, check-check it, yeah 'Cause we are the Aqua Teens Make the homeys say ho And the girlies want to scream 'Cause we are the Aqua Teens Make the homeys say ho And the girlies want to scream Aqua Teen Hunger Force Number one in the hood, G Observe, Err, the digital nads.
The principal will resent his nads being presented in such a crude manner.
You're not painting on no school.
That's a damn rock.
- Well - And I like to rock.
I will rock your face - We are bored.
- Yeah, I'm bored.
Hey, let's go see your Uncle Cliff.
- Cliff is a roofer.
- We can "F" with him all day.
- Cliff is highly confused.
- Confused enormaton.
Let's challenge his shattered view of the world.
Hey, Cliff.
- Boo.
- Aaagh! Is he all right? Cliff hasn't been all right since the Lunar War.
Boo! Boo! Boo! Boo! Boo! Hey, Cliff, look! Hey, Cliff, Cliff, Cliff, Cliff! That's enough, Err.
What the "F" is that? It's Cliff's check from the government for being crazy.
Holy damn, look at that.
Come, we shall acquire it without permission from Cliff.
We must steal it.
And blow it over there.
Stay, Cliff, and everything will be all right.
All right! That was incred you know you were in there for almost five minutes?! You're gonna win, and you're gonna get in that book! Man, the pressure on my eyes was indescribable.
Yeah, but that was easy.
We just did a thaw.
- That was only on fish.
- I'm ready for poultry.
You're not.
But you will improve with practice so there's still hope.
This time, you're gonna be in there a while.
So, maybe you should get some reading material, OK.
Ooh, here! Read this box of foil.
"Do not use in microwave oven " Phew! Getting hot in here.
Phew! - Uh, Shake? - What?! I am busy! - Are you using the microwave? - No! Do we have one? I never what is that thing? Just so you know, I reversed the rays on that microwave just in case you decided to put one of our roommates in there.
That's so ridiculous, I can't even talk to you right now.
What would make you think that I'd ever want to even do anything like that?! I found these crudely drawn plans.
So, uh, phew! Ho! Why is the why is the kitchen hey? Did you not hear a word I just said about reversing the rays on the microwave? Thanks a lot! Thanks a lot! I got my energy drinks in there! They're all ruined! Now I'm gonna be worn out all day! I got no carbs, no electrolytes.
I needed that boost, man! Ah, it feels good to stretch my legs.
Boy, I haven't bitch-slapped someone since Tucson.
Bend over, slaves! Prepare for a pride-obliterating bitch-slap.
All right! We went damn it! What the hell's your problem? Come on, now, you know how this is gonna end.
We will decide your fate, Fry man and the fate of the entire galaxy.
As soon as you could you pa cash my paycheck? Here's two forms of I.
Suck them both! Would you mind? And you'll do it.
You think if we had money we'd live here? I hate to say it, but, uh, Red Box over here has a point.
My allowance has been seriously cut back 'cause I am not responsible with money.
You should consider a Roth I.
Did I hear a ding? Get back in the magic house! - U.
! U.
! - U.
! - U.
! - Back in the box! U.
! Uhh.
Look, why don't you try a check-cashing place? We don't just try to do what earthlings tell us.
But, um, where would it be located? If we were to stoop so low as to get your pathetic directions.
You're punishment is to write those down for suggesting anything to us now and forever.
In a post-apocalyptic world one man is transported from the microwave dimension to feast upon the remains of those who once lived.
Rated R.
Will you shut up? You're not that guy! I'm telling you, that'd make a good movie.
Yeah, a good movie.
Break their friggin' projector.
Do what you do best act stupid and follow me.
- Now, come on.
- Yes, everyone but not to the check-cashing place.
What do you mean, no? Don't you know how much this is for, 'cause I do not! Look, we don't cash checks here.
And we don't respond to threats.
I'll say it one more time in a little language I like to call English or maybe I should say it in mejicani! Get back there-o and cash-o the check-o, amigo! Andale, andale! - He's not responding, cup.
- Lay into him more.
- Lay into him some more.
- I've got this, Err! That thing there is your check? - Yeah, that's the check.
- Well, we don't cash 'em.
Oh, you never seen a check before? Oh, me so sorry! Maybe you're in the wrong business.
And maybe Immigration would like to know about this.
Good, 'cause you know what? I'm American! Well, I'm not! But when I become one maybe then I'll legally buy a weapon and we won't have to vote you out of office, lowly scumbag! - Unbelievable! - Unfathomable.
You know, they sneak in, and then they try to rule us.
Well, I'm gonna sneak into your country and do this job there and then not cash any of your friggin' checks! How will you like that?! You won't, because you'll be here! Your logic is flawless but my brain has transmitted a better idea.
What's in it for me? Do you see that tiny pathetic star up there? - That's in it for you.
- All yours.
Which one? What are you talking about? Oh, I think you see it.
You couldn't see anything without it.
It's called the Sun.
Maybe you've heard of it, fatty.
Are you serious? You own that?! No frickin' way! But it could be called the "Carl" If you play your cards correctly.
Wait, hang on, I'm getting ahead of myself here.
This isn't true, is it? You don't own it, do you? We could.
Right now we don't feel like it.
Carlito wants his hand back.
All right, well, you know I gotta have something I can use.
Yeah, right.
- Give me that laser gun.
- No, Carl.
- You give me that.
- Carl, Carl, Carl you'd just go out of control with a laser gun.
He is correct, but we can offer you this cash our check, and you will get immortal.
Never-ending life.
Sometimes I kind of want to die.
How 'bout we do uh going rate 6%%%? What the Hey, that's how they frickin' do it at the docks.
- that, fatty! - Aah! Here comes the pain! Chill, Err, chill.
Oh, shoot.
I guess I was too late.
Get his wallet.
You shave him.
And as you can see that's my proper identification.
It all checks out.
You will notice a difference in height.
That's because I'm an organ donor I had to have my body removed last year and donated.
I certainly hope you don't discriminate here.
No, uh, Mister, uh Meatwad.
It it doesn't say that on here.
- What does it say? - Carl.
Yeah, that's his I.
What are you doing?! What's taking so long?! God! So, I'll be taking my money now.
Well, you know what? It doesn't even matter.
I don't even cash checks here.
Definitely not that one.
Lay into him! Hey, quick question.
- Is them pennies? - Yeah.
And you're just giving 'em out? How much is gum? - What happened? Did he buy it? - I bought me some gum.
- Where did you get gum? - Where did you get gum? - In there.
In the gum aisle.
- Perfect.
That's not what we sent you in there for! But that's what I come out with.
Tell me.
Were there weenie wraps? Microwavable.
But weenie wraps nonetheless.
- Oh.
- Mmm! Weenie wraps intrigue me.
And they had burger drops.
- Burger drops?! - And burrito cakes.
I thought they stopped making those.
- And pizza balls.
- Pizza balls?! Were there lil' turkey muffins? They had lil', regular, and max.
Seize all pennies at once! Purchase all pizza balls and max oh, there you are.
You take this, and we'd better go.
I want them out of here.
I do not like them.
But look at that check.
We're gonna cash it.
We're all gonna take our piece, and then they'll be gone.
And this is the check? Yes! It's huge! We could live off it forever.
You haven't touched this, have you, Shake? No! Well, yeah.
I've been hauling it all over town.
Yeah, and I'm Carl.
Nice to meet you.
It's emitting radiation.
Yeah, but, like, you know, the good kind, right? Like how they find tumors and gave Spider-Man his powers and stuff.
No, Shake, the bad kind.
The other kind.
The kidney-losing kind.
In fact, this is not a check at all, Shake.
This is a bill for homecare.
That's not a bill.
Uh, Cliff? Does anyone know a Cliff? Yes, my name is Cliff.
And that's not a bill.
- Tell him, Err.
- That's a bill.
A bi why are we trying to cash a bill, Err? Hell, I don't know.
It's your uncle! I kept telling you on the way down here! It is my uncle.
Don't you forget it.
On the way down, I kept saying, "This is a bill".
I just figured you knew something I didn't.
I did know something I didn't but it wasn't that.
Wait a minute! I've been hauling a radioactive bill all over town for you guys? - Yes, cup.
- Yeah.
And now you will pay it.
Y'all have a microwave? I gotta heat these up.
I guess it emits radiation when it's due.
And it's two months past due.
Oh, look at my hands.
Oh, the hands! Look at those hands.
Uh, someone should probably pay that bill.
Jeez! It's getting hot in here.
This weenie wrap is still frozen! - Your microwave sucks.
- Hey, your microwave sucks! Aw, hell.
It's getting hot in here.
Why is it getting so hot in here?! - Run! - Aah! Oh, jeez.
Hey, hey, cue ball! Wake up.
Shouldn't drink during the day, you know.
Friggin' oh.
My hair.
My hair! Where's my hair?! Where's my 'stache! Oh, you can have it back now, Carl.
It's itchy.
And it makes me look a little tutti-frutti.
- Ho ho ho, funny.
- Well, Carl, actually you know, I think you look younger without it.
No, I get your vibe.
By "younger," you mean gay.
I'm gay-looking.
Do what you want.
I don't care.
Try this on for size, Fry man.
Or for 59 cents more, try the super size! Man, I feel weird.
Quiet, Err.
I'm transmitting rage.
Dancing is forbidden Dancing is forbidden Dancing is forbidden Dancing is forbidden Dancing is forbidden